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I remember the day when Wu finally decided it was time to test me in the presence of the Golden Weapons.
Remember it like it was at the same time a thousand years and a just a few brief seconds ago.
That day set the trajectory for everything that ever happened afterwards.
See, I’d been waiting for this day for my entire life. Whether or not I’d known it. This was what it had all been building up to.
Destiny has a funny way of things, you know? When I went digging through a kooky old man’s trash that day, I had no idea what would come of it. All I knew was that I wanted food and I’d be cursed by the First Master himself before I let said kooky old man scare me away from my goal.
I don’t give up. Ever. It’s just the way I am. I latch on to a goal, and I don’t let go. Sometimes that’s gotten me into trouble, sometimes it’s saved my skin.
Surely destiny must have known that. Surely must have taken that into account. Surely must have used that as a sign. Right?
‘Cause if I’d given up, and run away, like all the other kids, then Wu would never have adopted me. Would never have started training me to be a ninja, like in the old tales. Would never have discovered I was an Elemental Master. Would never have told me that although he did not yet have proof, he was almost sure in his own mind that I was the fabled Green Ninja.
Given that, I was pretty winds-shorn sure too.
I remember being so excited, so eager, so confident, so sure. I remember Wu had looked at me, fondly, with that unfathomable depth that his eyes have—like a dark deep well full of water, and only a few sparks of sunlight dancing on the surface.
I remember how Wu had come into the central courtyard of the dojo, carrying a weathered brown bundle that he had set down on the scarred wooden table, pulling back the cloth to reveal—the Weapons.
Oh, those winds-shorn, water-cursed Weapons.
I remember the undeniable aura of the Weapons. How even dull and dim, they had saturated the air with power and exercised a pull on all those present.
I remember waiting. And waiting. For something to happen.
And nothing did.
Destiny does like to play its tricks.
“Morro.” Wu had said. Some sort of realization had settled into his expression like mud drying on an old stone path. “I am so sorry, I—I truly thought—but it seems I was mistaken.”
I remember thinking, that wasn’t right.
You see, I don’t give up when things don’t go right the first time. No. No, no, no.
You don’t run from the food in the trash just because you and your friends get startled by a crazy old man.
You don’t give up on your life’s work, your entire world’s underpinning just because of one. Singular. Setback.
Oh no.
Sometimes Destiny takes a while. Sometimes it has to be helped along.
Right?
“No, this isn’t right,” I had said to Wu. I remember being angry. I remember pacing, throwing my hands up in the air, glaring at the Weapons like I could make them glow by sheer willpower alone. And I thought like maybe, I could.
“I am the Green Ninja. I just—I just have to prove it!”
Yeah. Just gotta try harder. Right? That’s how I’d always conquered things before. Even Wu said so—I was his best student, because I tackled every challenge he gave me and didn’t stop until I’d completed it.
Well, Wu says a lot of things. And then goes and welshes on them later. I remember learning that.
“I’ll train harder,” I had said. “Learn more. Do everything I can to prove myself worthy of the title. Then the Golden Weapons will accept me. You’ll see.”
“Morro,” Wu had said gently. “I don’t think—”
“Don’t ‘Morro’ me, old man,” I had shot back. “You yourself said I was the Green Ninja. Why are you giving up now? Have a little faith in me.”
“Morro, Destiny has already made its decision.”
One setback, and Wu had already given up.
Even now, it still hurts to think he’d give up on me so easily like that.
“Destiny,” I had snarled, “Can change its mind.”
“That is not how Destiny works.”
Why was he so accepting?
“That’s how you said it would! You said I was the Green Ninja!”
I don’t remember consciously willing it do so. But I do remember how the wind had picked up, whipping at my hair and Wu’s ridiculous long beard. How Wu’s eyes had narrowed, just a little bit.
“You are not, Morro. As disappointing as it may be, you must accept Destiny’s decision with humility, not defy it with arrogance.”
Arrogance? Arrogance? Had it been arrogance to believe what I’d been told my entire time with him? Had it been arrogance to believe that Destiny could change?
Destiny had picked me because it knew I wouldn’t give up!
“SO WHAT?” I had screamed. “Are you telling me you lied to me this entire time? No, no, I’m the Green Ninja and I’M GOING TO PROVE IT!”
And I had set out to make good on that. Like I always do.
Wu had disapproved. Badly.
Our fight after the Golden Weapons had been bad.
Our fight after the Grundel was worse.
I remember…well.
We both said things that we couldn’t take back.
Wu called me arrogant and proud. Said I’d gotten so stuck in my head, so obsessed with the prophecy that I was starting to endanger both myself and others. Said I needed to abandon this senseless quest and do…what, exactly?
What, Wu? What did you want me to do when my entire life, my entire reason for being who I was had been taken away?
Wasn’t this what it had all been for?
Wasn’t this why you had trained me?
No. I refused to give up, and I told him so to his face. I told him he was a senile, weak-willed old man who was only just too ready to give up. I told him he was a traitor and a liar. I told him he was wrong, and that I was right, and I was going to prove it.
Destiny likes to play tricks. But I knew plenty of tricks, too.
Destiny can change its mind. Wu would change his mind.
I remember the last thing Wu said to me.
He’d said, with his lips pressed thin and his eyes grave and disappointed:
“I cannot teach those who will not listen.”
“One day,” I’d said, “You’re going to take that back, and admit I’m the Green Ninja. And I’m not coming back until you do.”
I remember being so set on that. So sure that it was Wu, and not me, who was going to have to eat his words someday.
Well. I never came back. Not alive, anyway.
And Wu never came after me.
And that is something that neither of us can take back.
—
I remember it all. And I know that now. When Destiny’s finally got one over on me and I’m about to die a second time because I can’t ever let go of something once I’ve latched on to it.
Wu can’t take back not coming after me, even when he’s desperately reaching out to me now, begging me to take his hand, several lifetimes too late.
I can’t take it back. I can’t take any of it back. Not when I’ve gone too far and hurt too many people, all because I can’t ever stop something once I’ve started it. I’ve lied, and tricked, and cheated, and possessed, and killed in order to get what I want, and I didn’t even care that I did it.
I always thought Destiny picked me because it knew I wouldn’t give up.
Maybe it didn’t pick me because it knew I wouldn’t give up.
Well, you know what? Destiny can go jump in a lake. Destiny can scream as its insides are slowly dissolved into acid, and its very existence blows away like smoke on the wind.
I’m giving up. You hear that? I’m giving up.
Didn’t expect that, did you?
Wu won’t expect that either, but he should. He’s the one who gave up on me first. And I think I finally understand what he was trying to tell me.
Some things you just can’t fix.
I’m in too deep to turn back now. And I don’t ever stop what I’ve started. I see it through to the end.
You can only save people who want to be saved, and I don’t think I want to be saved.
The only thing I ever let go of in life was Wu’s hand.
Destiny sure has a funny way of things, huh?