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Ugh.
Drift groaned in her bed, taking her pillow and stuffing it over her head.
Go away.
I want to sleep.
But the knocks kept coming, just a bit more frantic.
Knock, knock, knock.
“Who the hell is at my door?” Drift kept her eyes closed when crying out, not wanting to leave her bed. She was just so tired. A whole day of adventuring with AJ will do that to you.
All she wanted to was sleep.
But, of course, in the middle of the night, someone was knocking on her door with an urgency like the world was ending.
Knock, knock.
“Fine! I’m coming…” The Earth Mage grumbled as she pushed herself up. Her room was barely lit up by the small lantern in the corner, but it was enough for Drift to stumble towards her dorm door.
She sighed, internally cursing whoever it was that woke her up at such an abysmal time. If it were Pyro, Scott, Shelby, even Megii, they would just barge in and wake her up. So, who was it at her door?
Maybe it was AJ.
No, she’d just hit me until I woke up.
Drift squinted as she swung the door open, letting the dim lighting enter her dorm. It blinded her for just a second, until—
“Ghostie?” Drift frowned. “What are you doing here?”
Why would you possibly be here? Seriously. Unless it was about AJ?
The blindness in Drift’s eyes had healed, and she finally saw the woman in front of her.
She was crying.
Ghostie’s black-and-white hair was messy and crumpled, like Drift’s probably was, too, and she was in her pajamas. Silk. Her eyes were just a bit red around the edges, and shiny like they’d been crying.
Drift probably didn’t look much better. But why was Ghostie crying?
And why the fuck would she go to Drift?
“Drift. I— I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you. Um…” Ghostie muttered quietly, her voice cracking just a bit. “I’m sorry. I know we’re not— friends, and that you probably hate me, but I didn’t know who else to go to, and I—”
“Okay, stop.” The Mage held a hand up to the rambling girl. “Come inside. We don’t need everyone hearing your secrets, come on.”
“Thank you.” Ghostie sniffled as she tucked some hair behind her ear and stepped inside.
Drift let the door shut.
Now, it was just them.
The crying girl wiped her eyes, glancing around Drift’s room. “It’s… really cute.”
“I don’t have time for this, Ghostie. What’s wrong?”
She sniffed, and crossed her arms. Drift just raised her eyebrows.
“How do you deal with it?” The Ender Mage whispered to her, her eyes looking down as if ashamed by her own question. “With being so far from— home? Everything?”
Oh.
Almost immediately, Drift’s eyes softened at Ghostie. She knew exactly what the girl meant.
“Sit down.” Drift instructed, gesturing vaguely to the bed on the other side of the dorm. Hesitantly, Ghostie moved to sit, and Drift followed.
The Ender Mage sat down on the very edge of the bed, and the grace she moved with pulled Drift back to her Posture lessons at the castle. Ghostie sat down in the exact way Drift had been instructed to, from child to teenager.
Maybe it was the lack of sleep getting to her, but Drift could have sworn her childhood blanket was on her bed right now. That the unwashable smell of blood in that damn castle was now in her dorm.
She watched Ghostie sit down, and the voice of her old tutor came back.
You find a seat a respectable distance away from anyone else, but don’t sit too deep into it. Only rest on the edge, in case something happens. As you sit, keep your knees and thighs pressed together, moving your spine strictly, as if there were some board keeping it perfectly straight. And don’t forget to rest your right palm over your left hand, placing it lightly on top of your thigh.
Head straight, with a perfect smile and posture.
It almost bothered Drift how effortlessly Ghostie had done it, like she hadn’t even noticed the act. As if it were some innate, perfect part of her.
Drift was never that perfect of a Royal. Thank God her father had never met Ghostie, or she would’ve never heard — or felt — the end of it. If the ex-Princess listened closer, she could almost hear her father yelling. A Lord’s daughter is better than mine, what could possibly be wrong with you? as she was forced to hold the burning kettle until he finished the scolding.
“Drift?” A voice pulled her out of Drift’s daydream.
Oh, she remembered, Ghostie’s here.
“Sorry.” Drift mumbled, moving closer to the pillow on her bed before plopping herself down on it, possibly in the most un-Royal way she could.
Father isn’t here to scold you. You can do anything. She reminded herself, before turning to reply to Ghostie.
Who’s eyes were still wet with tears, but also slightly… confused?
“Are you okay?” Ghostie whispered, her big eyes staring at Drift like some doe.
How did AJ ever say no to her? She’s so…
“Uh, yeah. You’re not the only one who— remembers home, sometimes.” She smiled a bit, just trying to placate the other girl, who smiled back. “So… what happened? Are you just homesick?”
Ghostie bit her lip for a moment, considering what to say. “Yes. Well— no. I mean, I am homesick, but there’s more.”
“What’s happened?”
“My father.” She confessed quietly. “He won’t reply to my letters.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. I’ve told him of my dragon, and what’s happened here, but he won’t reply.”
“How do you know he’s gotten the letter?”
“He’s gotten the letter. Trust me.”
Drift nodded, thinking of how to comfort Ghostie, when a question came up. “Wait— your parents know you’re here? I mean, they let you come?”
The black-and-white haired Mage laughed awkwardly. “My father knows where I am. I told him I was leaving, and where I was going, but he didn’t permit it. Said I should never come home.”
“Oh…” Drift whispered. “I’m so sorry. And your mom?”
Ghostie smiled bitterly. “She died. Recently.”
“I see. My… condolences.”
“Thank you.”
“Mine died too, years ago.”
Ghostie smiled like the sun. “Yeah, I know. She was kind of the Queen?”
Drift laughed. “Right. Sorry, I forgot. It’s— yeah. Why do you think he hasn’t replied to you?”
She sobered immediately, and Drift heard a well-disguised sniff. “Um, he kind of hates me? I was perfect, before, then I just betrayed him. And— I just don’t know what to do, you know? I thought… you might understand.”
Drift did understand. By God, did she understand.
“I understand.”
“Really? It was hard for you as well, to leave home?”
She snorted, and shook her head slightly. That place was never home. “I never left home. The castle wasn’t my home. Home died when my mom did. So, it wasn’t hard to leave, really.”
“Leaving wasn’t hard?”
“Not leaving. Once I figured out my plan, packing up and running was the easiest thing I’d ever done. Only time I’ve never second-guessed myself. Staying away, though? It was horrible.”
“Me too. I felt like they were chasing me.”
“Same! Although, they definitely were, once they realised I was gone. A day travelling, and I just wanted to be back in bed, you know?” It wasn’t something Drift was especially proud of — running away was shameful, but wanting to go home after? It was humiliating. “I almost miss it.”
“I thought you didn’t like the castle?”
“I don’t. It was hell. But it was predictable, I always knew what would happen. I miss that.”
“Mm.” Ghostie hummed in agreement. She seemed to calm down now, not crying any longer. “I miss the cook.”
“The cook?” Drift laughed.
“Yeah! She always helped me snuck out. She helped me run away, actually. God, I hope she’s alright.”
“What was her name?”
“Alice. She had two kids.” Ghostie perked up, grinning. “I was meaning to ask you— did you ever meet Duke Farland?”
Duke—
Oh my God.
“Yes! Oh my God, the smelly duke?” Drift sat straight up, smiling ear-to-ear. “I had to have dinner with him!”
Ghsotie gasped like it was horrendous, and, to be fair, it was. “You’re kidding! No way. God— how did you survive?”
“Candles.” Drift deadpanned. “So many freaking candles, I almost passed out. The dining room smelled like a damn shop! He smelled so bad.”
“Right? I thought I was crazy! My dad never said anything.”
“Mine, either! I was asking because, guess what, my father was planning to marry me to him.”
Her mouth fell open. “No. There’s no way! He’s, like, thirty!”
“Yup.”
“Your dad wanted you to marry him?”
“Yup.”
“Was he literally the last option. Please tell me he was.”
“No! But, he was the only Duke.” Ghostie shrugged sadly.
“Is that why you left?” The Earth Mage asked.
Ghostie let out the longest of sighs, and Drift could have sworn it sounded like the violin solo that her father would often ask to be played during dinner.
“Kind of. I was perfect. At least, to my father. I went to class, never disobeyed, always listened to him… and then AJ left me. And my mom died. And Derek died. And then he wanted me to marry him.” Ghostie spat out him with a disgusting face, but Drift couldn’t help wondering how she managed to look so gorgeous anyways. “It was too much. I had to— do something. It wasn’t enough for me.”
Her eyes were empty as she explained, but not crying. Simply staring at the floor below, lost in a world of memories.
“So that’s why you left.” Drift whispered, mostly to herself.
“Yup. It wasn’t to get AJ back, if that’s what you were wondering…” The black-and-white haired Mage grinned, as if it were some joke. “That life— just wasn’t enough for me. I needed more.”
You’re not enough for me. I need more.
Try harder next time, or I’ll burn your skin off.
Drift’s father’s voice rung out in her head.
“Drift? If you don’t mind me asking,” Ghostie stared deep into her eyes, snapping Drift out of her memories, “why did you leave?”
At this point, leave! No daughter of mine like you is fit to leave our country!
“You don’t have to tell me, if you don’t want to.” Ghsotie rambled off, giggling placatingly in the same way Drift was raised to, but never managed to.
She never really managed to do anything right, did she?
“Um.” The brunette looked down. Ghostie told her all this, didn’t she? The least Drift could do is return the favour. It was almost like a peace offering between the two. “You know you said that the whole noble life wasn’t enough for you?” She laughed at herself, while Ghostie nodded in that kind way. “Well, I’m kind of the opposite.”
“In what way?”
“Uh…” She hummed, trying to get her thoughts together. “I was never a good Princess, really. I— didn’t like going to classes, or pretending to be fine, or happy, or understanding. I disappointed people. A lot. People like my father. I never, you know, wanted to marry, or even take over as Queen. It just wasn’t for me. And even if it was? My dad would never want me! I was never good at being a Princess. Not like— well, you.”
Drift managed to hide her anxiety between well-placed and self-deprecating laughs, and hoped that Ghostie wouldn’t notice.
She’d never told anyone that before.
Really, Drift never had to tell people she was a bad Princess. When you heard the King yell at his daughter all night long and force her to burn herself as punishment, you didn’t need to be told that she was a failure.
Daring a glance at Ghostie’s face, she almost started crying. Ghostie’s face… it was so perfect. If her nose was just a bit smaller, she could look like the porcelain dolls Drift played with as a kid. And when Ghostie looked at her with those big, sad, doe eyes?
Yeah, it sucked.
“I’m so sorry, Drift.” The girl whispered. “Really. You deserve better than that. I mean, you’re amazing.”
“Me?” She snorted. “I don’t think those words have… nevermind. Forget it.”
“No. No, I mean it. So what if you’re a bad Princess? You’re still a Princess. That’s your title, I mean, you know how many people would genuinely kill for that authority? Who freaking cares if you fuck up? You’re royalty! Your fuck-ups just become status quo.”
A butterfly wormed its way into Drift’s chest, and seemed to be fluttering about. “That’s really nice of you to say, Ghostie.”
“It’s true.” She replied seriously, before tilting her head. “You know, I think you and I are a lot more similar than you think.”
Drift looked away, biting her lip. “I really don’t think so.”
“No?”
“No.” The Earth Mage said like it was the surest thing ever. “You left your title because it wasn’t good enough for you, Ghostie. I left because I wasn’t good enough for mine. We’ll never be the same.”
Honestly, Drift may as well have just punched Ghostie in the face. That’s the level of awkwardness between them right now.
Or kiss her. That would be awkward, too.
Okay, what the fuck.
Forget about that, mind. Ignore that. You never even thought of that, alright?
“Right…” Ghostie muttered, still staring at Drift. “Okay. I’m really sorry. I get it, I shouldn’t have come, I—”
“Woah, no, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for that to be rude.” Drift tried interrupting her, but Ghostie was already standing up, walking to her door like a perfect Princess. “Ghostie. Wait, I’m sorry, that was rude.”
The bruntte was almost running after her now, as Ghostie speed-walked to the door.
Drift was close, but she couldn’t let Ghostie leave like this.
What the hell? Why not? This was, like, the second time they’d really talked, and Drift was chasing after her?
What the hell was happening?
Not even thinking about it anymore, Drift grabbed onto Ghostie’s hand, almost two steps from the door.
They both froze.
Her hand felt warm and soft in Drift’s, like a real Princess’s.
“Ghostie. That was insensitive of me, I’m sorry.” She whispered, as the Ender Mage didn’t turn around to look at her. “I’m happy you came to talk to me.”
“You are?” Her voice was small, but a bit hopeful.
“Yes. What I told you? I’ve never told anyone else. Not AJ, or Shelby, no one in the castle.”
Ghostie groaned slightly, and turned around to look at Drift. “It was nice talking to you, Drift. It helped me. Knowing it was hard for you, too.”
“I’m glad.” She muttered, but Drift really did mean it.
“But I really should get going.”
“Of course. Just— could I ask you something? Before you go?” It was a question which had pulled on Drift’s mind the second she left, and no matter what happened, she never could fully forget it.
“Always.”
Don’t be a coward. Don’t be scared of the answer, Drift. “My father. How— did he explain my disappearance? At all?”
Drift just had to know.
Right after she left the castle, she expected to hear the bell ring, which told the guards there was an emergency.
The bells didn’t come.
Then, she expected announcements around rural villages, of soldiers coming to look for her.
There were no soliders.
After that, there would be posters put up for a warrant, or a bounty, of Drift alive.
She saw no posters.
No news, no explanation, no emergency of her leaving.
The way Ghostie stared at her physically put Drift in pain. Her pretty eyes like the paintings hung up on the castle walls, looking in pain.
“Drift—”
“I need to know. I helped you.”
She sighed. “I don’t think he did. I never heard anything.”
“Nothing?”
“I… there was a rumour about you going abroad for study and to find a husband, but… I don’t know where it came from.” Ghostie’s voice was so soft and raw, there was no doubt in Drift’s mind that she was telling the truth.
Well, God, did the truth hurt.
“I see.” She whispered, letting Ghostie’s hand free from her own.
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s no one’s fault.”
“No, but you deserve better.”
Drift let out a dry laugh.
“You do, Drift. You really do.” Ghostie insisted.
“Yeah. Yeah.” She agreed, just wanting to cry in bed right now. She wasn’t even worth looking for.
“Drift?” The black-and-white-haired Mage asked with a sad smile.
“Yes, Ghostie?” Drift smiled as brightly as she could.
It took just a second for Ghostie to say something. “I know it sucks, to think that you’re not enough, or not loved, but you are. Your father, or your friends, even AJ? Their opinions mean nothing, really. What matters is that you love yourself. And that you know that you are enough.”
Drift could hardly look at her. She was almost ashamed needing Ghostie to tell her this. She just felt so vulnerable. Naked.
But Ghostie continued. “You can’t love yourself relative to what other people think, Drift. You either love yourself or you don’t.”
Right.
Well, that’s great news.
And slightly hypocritical.
The brunette smiled, letting out just a little laugh. “You should take that advice yourself, Ghostie.”
“Oh, I’m trying.” She giggled back. “Trust me. It’s harder than it sounds.”