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The doors to the watchtower conference room slammed against the wall. Some members of the Justice League looked up from their various tasks to see Batman storming into the room.
“Batman what’s—” Diana tried, but Bruce beat her to it.
“You,” Bruce said, glaring and pointing at Clark. Clark was on the other side of their conference table, and he immediately stood up and straightened. He had been in the middle of using his laser vision to fix part of his cape. “Why did I have to hear from Constantine of all people that you have broken protocol?”
Clark crumpled. “I, uh, don’t know what you’re talking about, Batman.” He let his cape, which was still attached to his suit, fall off the table and trail behind him.
Bruce’s hand fell down to his side, and he clenched it hard. “You know damn well what I’m talking about. But I’ll spell it out for everyone here, since you decided protocols are a waste of time. You were hit by a love spell months ago while helping Constantine deal with Klarion the Witch Boy. And instead of reporting it to the League, as you should have done, you kept it a secret. You are compromised. You should be off the roster until this is sorted out.”
Wally, who was snacking on 10 pounds of beef jerky, looked over at Hal, who was fiddling with a Rubix cube. They were supposed to be writing up reports about their last battles. Hal tried to sneakily get his phone out, but one glare from Bruce made him put it away.
“Oh! Right, uh, right,” Clark cleared his throat. “I’m fine, actually! I didn’t, and still don’t, feel any differently, so I just chalked it up as being a fluke and didn’t report it. Sorry, Batman.”
“Who was the spell intended for?”
“Me? I’m the one that got hit by it.”
“I’m asking who Klarion made you fall in love with. You haven’t been acting differently these past few months, which is why I only noticed when Constantine let it slip during our latest mission together.” And the fact that Bruce hadn’t noticed made him a terrible ally and friend.
“Uh, well, that’s… Um…” The entire group watched as Clark’s face steadily turned bright red. “Maybe it was just a weak spell? And only lasted that day?”
Batman glared at him. Clark looked ready to sink into the floor. “So Constantine mentioned you'd turn into ‘a bloody pile of gunge’ if you didn’t kiss your love by the end of the week for fun?”
Clark’s eyes widened. A bite of jerky tumbled out of Wally’s mouth, and Hal had to smack Wally’s back to get him to stop choking. Diana paused in the middle of sharpening her sword.
“That isn’t… That…”
“So again, I ask you Clark, who did Klarion make you fall in love with?!”
“He didn’t make me fall in love with anybody!” Clark shouted. He covered his mouth with his hands.
Bruce felt all the fight leave his body. He had hoped for an easier answer, one that wouldn’t make his heart constrict so much.
Diana stood up, putting her sword on the table. “Clark, are you saying you’re incapable of loving someone? Or were you already in love with someone, so the spell didn’t actually change anything?”
Clark bit his bottom lip. “I’m… already in love with the person Klarion spelled me with. That’s why I said it wasn’t a big deal.”
Bruce had to lean against the table. It was Lois, wasn’t it? Clark and Lois had been divorced for three years now, and Clark had claimed it had been mutual, but that was clearly a front. Was he so blinded by his own hope and feelings to completely ignore all the signs?
“So… what’s the big deal?” Wally said. He leaned back in his seat, planting his dirty boots onto the table. “Just kiss this person, and you won’t turn into a pile of… whatever Constantine called it.”
“Oh, er…” Clark’s face got red again. “I mean…”
“Can’t you just explain the situation to them? What, it isn’t your boss at the Daily Planet, is it?” Hal joined in with a laugh.
“It’s just, you know, I don’t want to… jeopardize… anything.” Clark twiddled his fingers together.
“I’m sure she’ll understand,” Bruce said quietly.
Clark looked up at him, a confusing flash of pain on his face before he covered it with his hands. “I… I need to go.” And he used his superspeed to fly away.
***
Bruce typed away on the Batcomputer, in the cold, damp confines of the Batcave. He was in civilian clothes: a blue, turtleneck sweater to combat the fall weather, jeans, and fuzzy slippers. He had gotten the slippers from Dick last Christmas, and he had been hounded by Dick to wear them ever since.
There was one thing about Clark’s situation that wasn’t adding up. As much as Bruce wanted to stop thinking about it, he couldn’t let this go: why was the deadline for Clark’s kiss the end of this week? What was significant about it? Was it Klarion’s birthday? Lois’ birthday? No, her birthday was in the spring.
As he brooded and sipped on a now cooled cup of coffee, he heard a notification from the Batcomputer. He didn’t bother turning around in his chair as a gust of air blasted into the cave.
“So, how did it go?” Bruce asked.
Clark sighed behind him. “Bruce…”
Bruce continued typing, letting Clark gather his thoughts.
“I just wanted to apologize again for keeping the spell thing a secret from you.”
“Did you write up the report?”
“Yeah, it’s right here.”
Bruce turned around and accepted the two page document from Clark. As he scanned through it, he couldn’t help but glance up at Clark, who was making a weird face.
“Is something wrong?”
“NO!” Clark coughed. “I mean, no.” He slowly started to hover; he tended to do that when he was nervous about something. He wasn’t wearing his Superman suit, just a button-up shirt and slacks, so he looked incredibly human at the moment.
Bruce set the document aside on his desk. He crossed his legs, placed his hands on the uppermost knee, and stared at Clark.
Clark continued to avoid eye contact, until he broke first (like always) and said, “I just… I don’t know what to do!”
“About what?”
“About the kissing thing!”
Bruce closed his eyes, forcing his composure. “What’s the issue? Wally gave good advice back there, so why don’t you just follow that?”
“But like… Okay, what if they say no?”
“Well, then you die, I suppose.”
Clark glared down at him. Bruce stared back.
“They’re not going to say no, Clark, because you’re a smart, kind man. And you can just pull the Superman card on them.” He didn’t add “cute and kissable” to that list, despite how much he wanted to.
“Okay, well, what if I’m a bad kisser?”
Bruce raised an eyebrow. “You were married.”
“So?”
“You think Lois would have stayed with you for that long if you weren’t a good kisser?” Bruce made a show of eyeing Clark from top to bottom. “Or good at other things?”
Clark’s face turned that lovely shade of red. Bruce loved making that color appear on Clark’s face, especially since Clark could turn shades of red that weren’t normal to humans.
“You! I’m!” Clark turned away and covered his eyes with his arm. “You’re impossible!”
“And you’re making this more difficult than it has to be. Come on, Clark, just go kiss her already!”
“Okay, fine, I will!”
Bruce waited for the inevitable sonic boom of Clark’s departure. Then he’d be able to properly wallow in peace, maybe get himself drunk enough to make the hurt go away. Dick was already in bed, since he had school tomorrow, so he would just have to deal with the hangover in the morning—
A soft warmth enveloped his lips. Bruce looked up to see Clark’s eyes looking into his own, so bright and blue and beautiful.
Clark pulled away, and Bruce sat in his chair in shock.
“Yeah, so um, sorry, I didn’t bother asking, but you already knew the situation, so…” Clark mumbled.
Bruce couldn’t think, couldn’t blink or breathe.
Clark chuckled awkwardly. “Yep. I’ll just go. Oh, and by the way, I’m pansexual? Just, uh, figured you should know since you seem deadset on me being straight and all.”
Before Clark could move, Bruce snatched his wrist and tugged Clark’s mouth back onto his. Clark didn’t reciprocate for a moment, but when he did, he was consuming Bruce’s mouth just as much as Bruce was consuming his.
When they both pulled away, Bruce, the only one out of breath (this Kryptonian cheater), stupidly said, “But… what about Lois?”
Clark frowned. “I told you, Bruce. Our divorce was amicable.”
Bruce rubbed the back of Clark’s hand with his thumb. “You… you really…?”
Clark laughed, and Bruce felt his heart soar. “Yes, silly. I thought you were the World’s Greatest Detective?”
Now it was Bruce’s turn to blush, but his ears only turned pink. “I knew you were pansexual. Your cousin told me once that all Kryptonians are that way, that it’s a genetic thing.”
“Oh, she did?” Clark easily pulled Bruce into an embrace, the two of them floating off the ground. “Does everyone in the League know that?”
“No, I—” Bruce shoved his face into Clark’s neck. “I was just curious.”
“Curious? Why would you…” Bruce hated that he could feel Clark’s rumbling laughter all around him. “Oh, I see.”
“Yes, I wanted to see if I had a chance with the pretty Kryptonian. Happy now?”
Clark kissed Bruce’s messy hair. “Yes, incredibly so.”
***
When it came time to reveal the news of the spell’s resolution to the Justice League, everyone clapped. Well, except for Wally, who had lost a bet to Diana about the time frame of the confession.
And when Constantine stopped by to say hello, they all learned something they wished they hadn’t:
“Oh, that spell deadline?” Constantine said, swirling a beer in his hand. “Yeah, I made that up. Just wanted to see you shithouses finally do something about your pining.”