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“Where are you going?”
“Bathroom.” Steve muttered as he locked his computer.
“Are you actually going or is it him?” Sam raised an eyebrow at Steve knowingly. Steve just winked at him and walked off towards the elevator.
He stepped in, hit the button for the ninth floor and he was off. When the doors opened on the ninth floor he went out and found the bathroom. Inside, he was there, leaning against the counter, tapping on his phone. He looked up when Steve walked in.
“Lock the door.” He said firmly.
Steve did as he said and then leaned against the door, smiling at Bucky widely. Bucky stared back at him impassively, his face blank. Steve opened his mouth to ask how long he had but Bucky shushed him and pulled out a piece of mistletoe. He held it up above his head and grinned. Steve practically flew at him. He took Bucky's face in his hands and kissed him, Bucky's arms snaking around his waist to pull him closer.
“I don’t have too long.” He mumbled between kisses. “Just wanted to see you and tell you something.”
Steve moved his lips to Bucky's neck and ran his hands through Bucky's hair. “What’s that?”
“I think I love you.” Bucky sighed happily.
Steve pulled back in shock and looked at Bucky, a grin stretching on his face. “Really?”
“Yeah. I do.” Bucky smiled sheepishly, looking down at the floor.
“Well then, that’s lucky for me because I love you too.” Steve laughed. He grabbed Bucky's tie and kissed him again, holding him close as pure happiness surged through him, filling his entire body with light.
Bucky pulled back and smiled at Steve. “I’ve got a meeting to go to. I’ll see you tomorrow night at the Christmas party, yeah?”
Steve nodded. “I was thinking of giving it a miss actually. Nat is having her Christmas party tomorrow night as well.”
“How inconsiderate of her.” Bucky said in mock outrage as he straightened his tie up. “You need to come to this one, Steve. I’m making a very important announcement that I think you’ll wanna hear.”
“What announcement?” Steve asked curiously, fixing his hair in the mirror.
Bucky splashed water on his face and winked at Steve. “You’ll have to come to the party to find out.”
“You’re an asshole.”
“Yeah but you love me so you’re stuck with it.” Bucky smiled and kissed him quickly. “I’ll go out first.”
Steve watched him go regretfully, licking his lips and sighing. Today had turned out a lot better than expected. Steve waited two minutes before leaving the bathroom and heading to the lifts just as Bucky stepped into his. When Steve returned to his desk there was a definite skip in his walk and a smile on his face.
“Someone just got laid.” Sam smirked as he sat down.
“Nope. Someone just told me they’re in love with me and that they have an announcement to make at the Christmas party tomorrow night and that I shouldn’t miss it.” Steve said quietly, his lips in a permanent smile.
Sam pushed his chair out and stated at Steve. “You’re kidding.”
Steve looked at Sam and shook his head. “I think he’s going to come out, Sam.”
“He could lose his job.” Sam said slowly. “You sure?”
“I don’t know what else it could be.” Steve shrugged.
“Call Nat. Tell her you can’t make it to the party. I guess I can’t either.” Sam said, returning to his computer.
“Good idea.”
Steve pulled out his phone and dialled Natasha's number, sitting back in his chair as he waited for her to answer. On the third ring she picked up.
“Hey Stevie, what’s up?”
“Um, so, I just got back from seeing him upstairs…” Steve said slowly.
“Oh no, what happened? You don’t sound good. Are you okay? Do you wanna come over?”
“No I’m- I’m great. He told me he loved me.” Steve said slowly, something in the back of his head reeling at Nat's words.
“Oh, really? Wow, Steve that’s great!”
“Why do you sound so shocked?” Steve asked suspiciously.
“Not- I’m not shocked. I’m happy for you.” Nat said in a rush.
Out of the corner of his eye, Steve could see Sam’s shoulders shaking with laughter.
“Right… Anyway. He said he has an announcement to make at the Christmas party tomorrow night and I have to be there.”
“That sounds exciting. Oh. You’re not coming to mine are you?”
“We’ll drop by afterwards, I swear. As soon as he’s made this announcement.”
“We?”
“Sam’s going as well now. I don’t know why though.” Steve muttered, clicking on the email alert that had just popped up on his computer.
“Right. Naturally. Okay. I’ll still see you tomorrow night at least.” Nat sighed.
“I’m really sorry, Nat. I just- I can’t miss this. I think he’s gonna come out and I really wanna be there for him when he does.” Steve said desperately, guilt resting uneasily in his stomach.
“No I know. You’re making it up to me though. You can tell Sam to get off his ass and ask me out.”
Steve laughed and looked at Sam, rolling his eyes. “All right, I'll be sure to do that then. I gotta get back to work. My manager just sent me an email telling me to get off my phone. I’ll see you tomorrow night.”
“Bye.”
Steve put his phone down and smiled. He felt really and truly happy for once and there wasn’t a thing that could bring him down. The Christmas party couldn’t come soon enough.
*
“Rocking around the Christmas tree-”
“Steve, if you don’t stop singing I’m going to throw my drink over you.”
“It’s Christmas! I can get away with anything.” Steve laughed. He stopped singing though, the glint in Sam’s eye a little too serious for Steve's comfort.
“Your boy just got here.” Sam nodded over Steve's shoulder.
Steve spun around on his bar stool to look around the door. Bucky was wearing one of his dark green suits, looking better than ever, and he was with only two other higher ups. He didn’t look happy. Steve was aching to go and see him but he couldn’t. Not yet. Bucky and the other two men walked through the crowd and out of sight and Steve returned his attention to Sam.
“You nervous?”
“No? Why? Are you?” Steve asked jokingly.
“Little bit. Just- don’t get your hopes up with this guy, Steve. He’s been at this company for seven years.” Sam said slowly, avoiding Steve's eyes.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Steve snapped.
“I’m just saying, be- be careful. I don’t want to see you get hurt. You’re probably not the first guy he’s been with and-”
“Fuck off Sam. He’s not like that.” Steve grumbled. Sam shook his head and so Steve ignored him. He glanced around and saw Bucky heading towards the stage with one of the other suits in tow.
“Look, they’re about to do the speeches.” Steve sighed, slipping off his stool and heading towards them, Sam reluctantly following him.
Steve reached the edge of the crowd just in time to see Bucky kissing someone else. A woman. They broke apart and smiled at each other. Bucky's arm was around her and he whispered something in her ear. Steve felt sick.
“I’m so glad you two are hitting it off!” Boomed the guy Bucky had been talking with.
“Steve? You okay?”
“He hasn’t gone on a single date since we met.” Steve croaked, unable to tear his eyes away from the scene before him. As if sensing his look, Bucky looked over and met Steve's eyes, his face falling. He mouthed the word sorry but Steve was already turning around, pushing roughly through the crowd.
“Steve! Wait!” Sam called after him. When Steve was clear or the crowd he slowed down and let Sam catch up. “I’ll drive you to Nat's.”
“I wanna go home. I’m going home.”
“Come on. Nat will make you feel better. Drink the rest of the night away with your best friends so we can keep an eye on you at least.” Sam said, taking the lead and forcing him to Sam’s car.
“He swore, Sam. He swore he wasn’t going on fake dates anymore. How could he do that to me?! Right after he told me-” Steve broke off bitterly, waiting for Sam to unlock the car. Just as he was getting in, the door to the bar burst open behind them and Bucky stumbled out.
“Steve! Wait!”
Steve slammed the car door behind him and kept his eyes firmly ahead. Sam said something to him before getting in the car himself. “You okay?” Sam asked hesitantly.
Bucky was suddenly knocking on Steve's window but Steve refused to look at him. “Just drive.” Sam nodded and drove off, leaving Bucky standing on the side walk looking miserable.
“If he calls I won’t answer. I cant- I can’t believe he did this.” Steve said after five minutes of silence. The roads were packed, filled with everyone going away for the holidays. It made the drive twenty minutes longer than the usual ten, giving Steve plenty of time to get angrier and angrier.
“Your phones been dead all day anyway.” Sam pointed out.
“Screw him.” Steve grumbled, crossing his arms for warmth.
They arrived at Natasha's not long after, struggling to find a park close enough. Her party was clearly going off without a hitch. There were people out in the garden, people coming and going and Steve wanted nothing to do with it.
They got out and Steve marched inside, ignoring the few people who greeted him as he passed. He went straight to Nat's kitchen and grabbed a bottle of whiskey from the top cupboard, not bothering to grab a glass.
“Whoa, pace yourself there buddy.” Nat laughed as she entered the kitchen to see Steve taking a few gulps.
“Nat, don't.” Sam warned but Nat wasn't listening.
Steve winced at the burn and wiped his mouth. “Ill buy you another one.”
“Wait, that’s mine? Come on man, that’s for special occasions. It cost me sixty bucks.”
“I’ll buy you another one.” Steve grunted, drinking some more down, hoping to kill enough brain cells so that he forgot what he saw.
“So, uh, you guys are early? Everything okay?” She asked nervously, looking to Sam for help. He went over to her and told her quickly and quietly what had happened.
“Oh Steve. I’m so sorry.” She said sadly, coming over to him to hug him but Steve pushed her away lightly. “I can’t believe I fell for him. I can’t believe I thought he was actually gonna come out!”
“Steve, I know. But guys like that are just-”
“Don’t tell me what guys like that are like! I know guys like that! I’ve dated guys like that! I should have fucking seen this coming.”
“Steve…”
“It’s not even like he has the same job as me! He practically owns the fucking company. He could get another job fucking anywhere in a second and he fucking knows it!”
Steve took another mouthful of the whiskey. He’d now drunk half the bottle within minutes and it was hitting him very fast. “I’m going to charge my phone. My charger broke.” Steve muttered. It had only just occurred to him that Bucky might have tried to call him.
It was much quieter upstairs. There were no people and the music was reduced to a muffled background noise. Steve went straight to Nat's bedroom and found her charger, pulling his phone out of his pocket and plugging it in. He sat in silence, taking a swig of the whiskey every now and then, waiting for his phone to charge up enough to turn on.
When it reached ten percent, he turned it on and waited for it to start up. As it did, a dozen chimes went off as the notifications for missed calls kept popping up. Steve glared at the screen. There was one from his mom, one from Nat, and ten from Bucky. Nine of them were from the evening but there was one from around lunchtime. Steve was about to text his mom when his phone started ringing and Bucky's face was smiling up at him suddenly. Steve hesitated before answering it.
“Steve! Thank god!”
“What do you want?” Steve snapped.
“Steve, I'm so sorry you had to see that. I can explain. I was-”
“I don't care, Bucky. You told me you wouldn't go on fake dates anymore. You told me I was the only one. You fucking told me you loved me!” Steve burst out, the alcohol getting to his head now.
“I do love you, Steve. Look, just let me explain, please.” Bucky said desperately.
“It doesn't matter why you did it, Bucky. You know I can understand you needing to keep up the façade but you could have fucking told me beforehand.” Steve growled.
“Steve, are you really going to be like this? Will you not even let me explain?” Bucky asked quietly. Steve could hear the Christmas party still going on in the background.
“You lied to me, Bucky. You told me you weren't doing that anymore. You lied to me and then blatantly shoved it in my face. I'm- done. We're done.” Steve said, feeling firm with this decision.
“You don't mean that.” Bucky whispered. Some voices were suddenly around Bucky. “Yeah, I'll be there in a minute I just gotta finish up this pho-”
Steve hung up on Bucky as Natasha walked in hesitantly, concern written all over her face. “Did you call him?”
“He called me.” Steve mumbled, setting his phone down to charge once more.
“What happened? Do you wanna talk about it?” She asked nervously, sitting down next to him.
“I ended it.” Steve said as his phone started ringing again. Steve glanced at it, once more seeing Bucky's grin. He picked it up, anger surging through him. “Don't call me again. Don't text me again. Don't talk to me again. We are done.”
-one year later-
There was a commotion out in the hallway. A few people were half out of their seats, peering over the top of their cubicle wall to see what was going on. Steve was amongst them, watching the empty hallway in front of them as the noise slowly got louder. Suddenly it was upon them and all the suits from the top floor were walking down the hallway, laughing loudly about something. Everyone dropped back into their seats in a flash, getting back to work.
It wasn't often that the suits came down to their floor. The team Steve was a part of wasn't exactly important. Occasionally the suits would give a possible investor the tour of the building. Today was no exception. It was some hot shots from Japan and if the deal went smoothly, it would mean their Christmas bonus would be a bit heavier than usual.
Steve was the last to sit back down. He couldn't help himself. Amongst the suits was Bucky Barnes. He seemed to be the only one who could get away with having his hair long, his face unshaven and a hangover every other day. Steve hated his guts.
It had been a long time since they'd actually seen each other. There was a pang in Steve's chest at the sight of him. It hurt to see him. One year on and it still hurt. He always looked so good. Whether he was in one of his expensive suits or his pyjamas, which consisted of nothing. Steve was one hundred percent certain he'd never see Bucky in his pyjamas again though. He was stuck with occasional glimpses of him whenever he was giving tours.
Steve was okay with this. Bucky was a soul sucking, heart breaking liar and Steve didn't want anything to do with him. It didn't stop his stomach from twisting itself into knots at the sight of him though.
“Steve?”
Steve looked around the side of his cubicle at Sam who had an eyebrow raised at him. “What?” He snapped, returning to his work.
“Nothing, I was just wondering if you wanted to go and grab lunch, jesus. I won't bother next time.” Sam grumbled.
“Sorry. I thought you were gonna say something about me looking at him again.” Steve muttered. “Uh, lunch sounds good but I gotta finish this report before I do anything.
“Well I'm starving so I'm going to go get something. You want anything?”
“Just my usual coffee, thanks.” Steve sighed, staring at the words in front of him, wishing the keyboard would write the report for him.
“What a healthy and nutritious lunch. I'll see you soon then. Don't mope over the douchebag too much while I'm gone.” Sam said. He got up and left, leaving his computer logged in and unattended. Steve waited until he was out of sight before rolling his chair round. He quickly changed his background to Sam's least favourite photo of himself before returning to his report within seconds. It didn't take long before Steve was zoning out again, staring blankly at a photo of him and Nat on his cubicle wall.
“And over here we have our brilliant Communications Team.”
Steve stiffened at the voice. He chanced a glance and saw Bucky leading the investors along the cubicles, about five seconds from Steve. He kept his head down and tried to ignore that Bucky was very clearly walking towards him. He pulled up an old report on his computer and pretended to read, keeping his eyes on the screen.
“This is Steve Rogers, one of our best men.” Bucky was behind him. He clapped a hand on his shoulder and Steve was forced to look up and smile politely at the investors as someone translated for them. “Steve is a very hard worker and has great opportunities coming his way.”
One of the investors said something and the man translated. “He wants to know how long you have been working here?”
“About a year and a half now.” Steve gritted out, trying to ignore that Bucky's hand was still on his shoulder, simultaneously warm and comforting while completely unwelcome and uncomfortable.
“The communications team is great at what they do. Some of them run the social media outlets for the company, organise new clients, go out into the field and do a bit of one on one.” Bucky said, his hand shaking Steve's shoulder in a good natured kind of way. But Steve knew why he was really doing this. Over the past year, once Bucky had finally stopped trying to get Steve to forgive him, he'd started getting angry over it all and took every opportunity to show it.
“On with the tour then shall we?” Bucky said, gesturing for them to keep walking. They started walking ahead of them, leaving Bucky with Steve for just a moment. “Keep up the good work, Rogers.”
“Fuck off, Barnes.” Steve grunted, shrugging Bucky's hand off of his shoulder.
“Steve...” Bucky sighed. He didn't say anything else though. He just walked away and returned to the investors.
Steve watched him go, waiting until he was out of sight before dropping his head down onto his desk with a groan. Moments later Sam returned with a hot coffee, complaining about the snow. When he saw Steve's face he stopped talking.
“He fucking came over and talked to me. Talked me up to the investors for whatever god damn reason.”
“Asshole.” Sam breathed.
“He put his god damn hand on my shoulder for the entire fucking time.” Steve moaned, looking at Sam in frustration.
“Just forget about it.” Sam suggested.
“I'm going home. I don't want to be here.” Steve sighed. “I'll come in early tomorrow and catch up.”
“All right. Feel better soon man. You still on for the Christmas party tomorrow night?” Sam asked as Steve started gathering his shit.
“Oh yeah. May as well take advantage of the free booze.” Steve snorted. “Don't forget to call Nat tonight. Last night she called me when you wouldn't pick up and ranted about you.”
“Oh shit. Okay. I'll be in late tomorrow then cause I gotta pick her up from the airport. See you later.” Sam saluted as Steve got up.
“Bye.”
*
Soft acoustic music was playing quietly over the speakers, the smell of coffee filled Steve's nose and the warmth of the cafe slowly melted away the chill from outside. Steve walked up to the counter as the bell tinkled behind him, another customer coming in from the snow.
“Can I please get a latte to go?” Steve sighed, shaking snowflakes out of his hair. He went to hand over his card but he was stopped.
“I'll get it.”
Steve turned around and came face to face with Bucky Barnes. His hair was down and covered in snow, his eyes were bloodshot and he looked more stressed than Steve had ever seen him. Sadder. He smiled weakly at Steve but he just turned back around. “I'll pay for my own coffee.”
“No, I'll get it. It's fine.” Bucky reiterated, stepping up next to Steve. He held a twenty out to the bewildered cashier but Steve wasn't putting up with this shit.
“I can pay for my own god damn coffee, Bucky.” Steve snapped.
“Uh...” The cashier grinned, clearly amused by what was happening.
“Take it. Please.” Bucky said, knocking Steve's card out of his hand. By the time Steve had picked it up, Bucky had placed his order and paid for the coffees. Steve glared at Bucky and moved down the counter to wait for his coffee, doing his best to ignore Bucky. It was made impossible though when Bucky came and stood next to him. “Any plans for the break?”
“Bucky, why are you doing this to me?” Steve sighed, looking at Bucky imploringly.
“I'm- just being friendly.” Bucky stuttered, avoiding Steve's eyes.
“No. You're not.” Steve stared, begging for Bucky to just leave him alone. Bucky just shrugged and continued to stare at him. Steve felt a sudden rush to kiss Bucky. To taste those lips just once more. Feel him close one more time. He turned away and stared up at the menu board, trying to distract himself.
“I miss you.”
Steve closed his eyes as his breath caught in his throat. “Don't. It's too early, please don't.” He croaked. Bucky may have gotten angry over it all, but since last years Christmas party, Steve's anger had subsided. His feelings of hurt and betrayal had gone and he could see how much of a dick he had been to Bucky. He'd wanted to apologise at one point but that was when Bucky had gotten him in trouble with his manager. Despite all of this, he still held some romantic feelings for Bucky. It was impossible not to.
“Steve, I hate the way things went down and, I'm not asking to get things started up again but I just- I need a friend. Someone who knows what I'm going through.” Bucky said quietly.
Steve opened his eyes as the barista called out their order. He went over and grabbed their drinks, handed Bucky his coffee and sighed. “I can't be that friend, Bucky. I'm sorry you're going through this but I can't. I'm sorry… Thanks for the coffee.”
*
“Rocking around the Christmas tree. Have a happy holiday. Everyone's dancing merrily-”
“Pfft.” Steve snorted. The dance floor was half empty and the music was giving it an awkward feeling. Most people were sitting down at tables, drinking and talking quietly. It was definitely a more subdued Christmas party than the last year.
Steve was sitting at the bar alone, hunched over his drink as the party went on. He had no idea why he was still there. After Sam had made an appearance, he'd ditched to go and see Nat. That had been an hour ago and Steve was still sitting at the bar, in the same seat, nursing the same drink that Sam had bought him when they'd arrived. The ice had melted and it was mostly just watery rum and coke now.
The door to the bar opened and in walked the suits. It was just Bucky and one other guy that Steve didn't know. They looked like they had been drinking already which was probably true. Neither of them seemed to care that the party was a dud. After about ten minutes of greeting people and doing their job, Bucky got up on the stage for his annual speech. Steve turned in his seat to watch.
“Well, another great year has passed. On behalf of Michael Douglas I'd like to thank each and every one of you for all the hard work you've put in. We really appreciate it and we look forward to having you with us for hopefully another great year, if not better.” Bucky smiled out at them all. His eyes found Steve and his face faltered. Steve turned back to his drink and sculled the rest of it down as Bucky continued to talk.
“We've uh… We've gained a lot of good people this year. A lot of hard workers that I know are going to go far. But we've also lost a lot of good people. Some moved on to bigger and better things and I'm proud of them. But not everyone left on good terms. I remember this one woman who worked in human resources. She was a great team leader. Was the first to arrive and the last to leave every day.
“She helped this company in so many ways and it was really tough to replace her once she left. She was actually fired. Possession of drugs.” Bucky laughed without humour as murmurs started moving through the crowd. “I thought… I thought I could be okay with it. If I just- just kept my head down and did my best but… I can't.
“Her name was Louise Punnet and someone in the company hired someone to plant the drugs on her. Because she was gay. She got fired because she came out and I feel that… I feel that that is something everyone should know.”
Steve turned back around to look at Bucky in shock, amazed at what he was doing. He was going to get fired for this. Whether anyone could prove what he was saying was true or not, he was getting himself into big trouble and he didn't seem to care.
“I uh, I made a mistake.” Bucky said quietly as the other suit came out from the bathroom, completely unaware of what was going on. “I've spent seven years at this company, helping them make millions, helping Michael Douglas make millions I should say… I don't know if it was even worth it.”
Bucky was suddenly looking at Steve again, holding eye contact with him. “You made it worth it. I'm uh...” Bucky looked out at the crowd as the other suit struggled through everyone to get to the stage. “I'm gay. I quit and I'm- leaving.”
He stared for a second before nodding once and jumping off of the stage into the shocked crowd. Everyone parted seamlessly for him, letting him through. Bucky reached the door and looked at Steve before going outside into the cold. Steve only just had the forethought to grab his coat before dashing after Bucky.
“Bucky!” Steve called, spotting him in the crowded footpath. He pulled on his jacket and went over to him. “Are- are you okay?”
Bucky looked at him and there were tears in his eyes but a smile on his face, a smile of relief, like a huge weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. Which it had. “I can't believe I did that.” He breathed out shakily. “I can't- I shouldn't have. Was that the right thing?”
“I'm so proud of you, Bucky.” Steve said, feeling tears prick his own eyes.
“I'm- I'm proud of me too.” Bucky laughed. “Is that weird?”
“No. No, it's not.” Steve grinned. “What about your family?”
“I'm pretty sure they already know. I don't care though. I'll deal with whatever comes my way.” Bucky said firmly. Snow was swirling around them, people were talking and laughing, Christmas music could be heard from several different restaurants and bars and Bucky looked happy.
“You should talk to them. Tell them before the video is put somewhere and they see it themselves.” Steve said cautiously.
“What video?”
“The Christmas speeches are always filmed. Communications department. Part of the whole social media side of things.” Steve explained. “It's definitely going to be put online.”
“Fuck.” Bucky uttered out, his breath misting out in front of his face. “They're gonna disown me.”
“Not at Christmas, will they?”
“They did it to my sister last Christmas. Not that it matters so much anymore but that was why I was kissing that girl. I had lunch with my family that day and my sister came out and they ripped into her, threw all her presents out… It was awful. They cut her out of the will and threatened to do the same to me if I supported her. The girl I was with was Bob's sister. He introduced me to her at our pre-party drinks at the office. I tried calling you earlier but your phone was off… Fuck.” Bucky sighed, his head dropping. “Shit.”
Bucky's pride and happiness had disappeared completely, being replaced by fear and sadness. All Steve wanted to do in that moment was protect Bucky. Steve felt a rush of affection and sympathy. He glanced around, really starting to feel the cold.
“Do you want to start walking? I'm freezing my ass off.” Steve suggested.
“Where?”
“Come to mine. Stay for Christmas. If your folks don't want you… I'll have you.”
Bucky looked up at him, a smile breaking out on his face. “Can- can I kiss you?”
“I was just about to ask you the same thing.” Steve snorted. He grabbed Bucky's jacket and closed the distance between the two of them, smiling into the kiss. It felt like his head was clearing, his chest didn't feel so heavy. The feeling of Bucky's lips on his once again was almost magical. They broke apart and Steve smiled at him.
“You know, I don't think I ever stopped loving you.” Bucky whispered, gently resting his forehead on Steve's.
“Well then, that’s lucky for me because I love you too. Still.”