Work Text:
Ever since he watched his first few Fast and Furious movies, Youngjae had been dying to get his driver's license.
He imagined himself speeding down empty highways and drifting in abandoned plots, even though he knew the possibility of the latter was low. Still, he anticipated having his hands on the wheel, his foot stamped on the accelerator and the wind blowing in his face (or through the windows, if he never had a chance to get a convertible, but he would worry about that later).
When the seventh film was released, it reminded him of the few days left till he could take his first steps towards that dream.
He passes his writing test with flying colours, feeling confident and looking forward to when he had free time in his schedule to take the practical exam. Even though they were busy with promotions and therefore could not properly celebrate his little achievement, the members of GOT7 congratulated him and gave him warm hugs or pats on the back.
Being the sensitive soul he was, their small actions still spoke loudly to him, making him beam more in that week than he already was. He thought things could not get any better.
But they did.
Instead of having to find a free day within his schedule and taking the test alone, he was told that he could take it together with the rest of the members, for the sake of their reality show.
The night before, Youngjae is nervous. However, his excitement outweighs it by a lot, resulting in his steps having a little bounce to them. No one seems to notice, everyone too tired from the day's schedule, no one, except JB.
GOT7's leader tries to hide his grin upon seeing the endearing antics of his ex-roommate. He remembers, back when they still roomed together, Youngjae telling him about how much he looked forward to being able to drive.
They had not been as close since Youngjae left the room: the deep conversations they used to have lessened, they did not hang out together as much as before, their pillow talk sessions ceased to exist entirely—but it did not lessen how much JB cared for the other. He makes a mental note to give the younger boy some tips before his test tomorrow.
Youngjae is a nervous ball of nerves ever since he wakes up, his confidence having mysteriously dissipated overnight. He hides it, telling himself repeatedly that he can do it while chatting with the others as they head over to the examination site.
He manages to relax slightly during the lecture for the written test but tenses up again when they sit for the lecture for the practical exam. His hand trembles too much, so he leaves the camera aside, preferring and trying to take in the lecturer's words.
During their break, JB's hand finds a place on his shoulder. "Are you alright?"
He figures the older boy would notice how frazzled he was.
"You can do it," JB smiles at him reassuringly, "just keep these in mind." He proceeds to tell Youngjae all the tips he can remember, from the technical things to the simple ones like keeping calm. Nodding at his words, Youngjae still looks tense—but a smile soon tugs at his lips, warming JB's heart.
When JB is done, Youngjae turns to look at him, eyes filled with gratitude and determination. The younger boy's fingers find JB's hand, causing him to jump. Youngjae laughs, apologizing, then thanking him softly, fingers squeezing his hand.
JB silently prays for Youngjae to pass the test.
Youngjae knows his horrible habit of zoning out when he is nervous. So it does not come off as too much of a surprise when he barely registers when he is securely in the driver's seat and a computerized voice says: "Let's start the test."
Still, despite having expected a chance of failing, his heart sinks when the same voice rings in his ears: "You're disqualified."
His walk back towards the member is a dreadful one. He thinks he hears Yugyeom cheering him up in between Mark's laugh, but he really does not want to hear anything at all.
Except for, maybe, the familiar voice of JB.
"Come here," the older boy walks over, reaching out and calling for him.
It does little to mend Youngjae's mood, but it is a huge comfort to his torn hopes and heart.
"Um, hyung" Youngjae looks out at the unfamiliar scenery zooming past them. "Where are we going again?"
"You'll see," JB replies, his eyes not leaving the road, his fingers drumming on the steering wheel.
As familiar tunes from JB's playlist fill the car, Youngjae fidgets in the passenger seat, slowly recalling the events before the ride began.
They had recorded the day before: recorded Youngjae failing his driving exam for the third time, he recalls bitterly. Even though he tried to, he had no strength left to force smiles when they returned to the dorm—not even with the member's comforts. He could not even find courage within to tell his mom about his result, not wanting to hear her hide her disappointment and comfort him. In the worst of moods, he had stayed up playing games all night (and losing a lot due to his horrible mood, worsening it even more) and slept right before the sun rose.
JB had woken him up from his extended sleep, asking if he would like to go somewhere with him before dinner. In his half-asleep state, Youngjae remembered washing his face, pulling on new clothes and seating himself into the car without much thought.
His mind began to shake off the last remnants of sleep when he finally realized that it was not their manager driving. It evokes the bitterness he had tried very hard to put behind him the night before—the bitterness of not being able to drive with a license. He feels like taking it out on JB, but knows it is not the other's fault and feels ridiculous for even thinking about it.
JB is wearing his poker face too, so Youngjae decides against asking about their destination again, despite his curiosity. It seemed like the older boy wanted to keep it as a surprise, so Youngjae resigns himself to humming along to the songs while trying to enjoy the ride.
The gray cityscape soon fades into a blur of trees in vibrant shades of reds and yellow, the sight rouses a smile from Youngjae.The clear blue sky above them makes his worries seem just a little further, his weariness slightly lighter. "It's beautiful," he whispers, glancing at JB and then back out the window.
"Yeah," JB steals a glance at Youngjae before returning his gaze to the road, "beautiful indeed."
Just then, Bruno Mars' latest song plays through the speakers and Young Jae turns to look at the other immediately. "I didn't know you listened to this song!" he exclaims excitedly.
"It's for you. I have the whole album," JB answers matter-of-factly, "you've been listening to it a lot nowadays, right?" Youngjae is the type of person who swells with happiness when someone bothers to notice his likes and dislikes, so he beams at JB.
When the corners of JB's lips lift in response, his smiles widens further. Ever since Youngjae first entered JYP as a trainee, ever since he first met the members of GOT7, ever since he first experienced the struggles of the life of an idol-to-be (and even after)—JB's smile had been a huge source of comfort to him.
He embarrassingly remembers how he felt when he first saw the other's smile. They had just met and were asked to introduce themselves to each other. "I'm Jae Bum, I'll be looking after you from now on," the older boy had said, extending his hand towards Youngjae.
Instead of reaching out to shake his hand, he had merely gazed at the other, dumbfounded by the bright grin from his leader-to-be. Youngjae had been intimidated upon meeting JB, since the other looked so stern and serious. To have such a warm smile directed at him was something he had least expected to happen then and it left him baffled.
He remembers JB raising an eyebrow at his unreciprocated handshake, resulting in him fumbling to reply with his own name and a trembling hand to hold JB's. The other had held his hand firmly despite that.
It was a sudden calming wave that washed away his anxieties of becoming an idol so soon after becoming a trainee, like a silent promise between them: that him he could always depend on JB from then on.
"Penny for your thoughts?" JB's voice ends his little session of reminiscence, "are you hungry? I brought food." Perking up at the mention of food, Youngjae looks at JB expectantly. Chuckling at his reaction, JB motions to the backseat. A few plastic bags and odd objects are strewn between cushions, reminding Youngjae about the messy state of their dorm.
"Who's car is this, by the way?" Youngjae asks, reaching for a plastic bag with snacks in it. He rips it open without hesitation and starts popping potato chips into his mouth. Back at the dorm, they were always careful about their diets, but his low mood had left him hungry—and he had declared it Cheat Day a second after laying his eyes on the snacks.
"I rented," JB says, "and before you say anything, I didn't have much time to pack everything properly, so it looks like that, okay?"
Taking an extra loud crunch on a chip, Youngjae states that he was not going to mention anything like that. "You brought a lot, though," Youngjae moves to look behind again, "are all the bags filled with snacks?"
"Would you like them to be?" JB laughs. Youngjae shurgs, grabbing a chip and lifting it towards JB's lips. "Want one?"
The rest of the ride is spent in silence—minus the crunching of chips in their mouths, Youngjae feeding JB as the sky starts to turn from its soft blue into hues of purple and yellow. When the car finally stops, Youngjae realizes that he still has no idea where they are, but that it is absolutely beautiful.
They are parked at a little rest stop, its carpark overlooking the hills that greet them in a mix of greens and yellowing autumn shades. JB had chosen to park right at the edge, giving them an unobstructed view of the sun setting in the sky. Announcing their arrival, JB breathes out, relieved to finally take a break. "Shall we step out?"
"There's one last chip," Youngjae states, reaching to grab it from the bottom of the bag. "Do you want it?" At least, that is what he asks, but he ends up popping it into his mouth before JB says 'yes', causing the other to look at him in confusion and mock fury.
"Don't glare at me!" Youngjae shrinks away slightly, "my fingers moved before I realized it!"
JB to roll his eyes at his lame excuse, so he quickly adds: "You can lick my fingers instead then. I assure you that they're as tasty, covered in chips and all."
Youngjae realizes the implications of his words too late, flushing as soon as he sees JB's widened eyes and reddening ears. Reaching for the door, he hastily informs JB that he is going to wash his hands. Stepping out, he does not dare to turn back to look at JB's expression, mentally cursing at himself for the slip of tongue. Sure, they had flirted a lot before, but they had also become more distant ever since Youngjae moved to Mark's room. It had been awhile since either had said anything suggestive to the other (jokingly or not), and the rare occasions of skinship in recent weeks could easily fill Youngjae's stomach with butterflies.
He rarely admitted it (to himself), but he—Choi Young Jae— had the worst, painful, and most embarrassing crush on his charming groupmate and leader, Im Jae Bum.
Worst, because after all the time they had spent together, he had still not figured out if JB felt the same at all. Not even after all the public displays of affection they shared, not even after all the shameless flirting, not even after all the nights spent sleeping in the same bed.
Painful, because JB's attention for him seemed to have dwindled after they were no longer roommates. Besides being busy preparing for their comeback, JB had picked up many solo activities. Not seeing the older boy at the dorm made Youngjae miss him too much for his own good, but seeing JB and hearing him talk about his solo activities reminded him of their distance and pained him equally as much.
Embarrassing, because he felt at such a loss with his feelings that he would occasionally do or say things he would regret—like what he just did a while ago.
After washing his hands, Youngjae makes sure to splash his face with water enough times to sober up. He tries to not feel too awkward during the way back to the car, but his worries only increase at the sight of JB leaning over the wooden fence of the carpark, gazing out towards the hills with a pensive expresion. For a moment, he wonders what the other is thinking about, hoping that it is anything but his ridiculous suggestion earlier.
As he gets closer to JB, he realizes that there is something in the other's hands. Curiosity gets the better of him and instead of shying away, Youngjae bounds towards GOT7's leader. JB jumps a little when Youngjae appears next to him suddenly, but his expression of shock quickly melts into one of uncertainty and warmth.
"This is for you," he says, passing a box to Youngjae before the other gets to ask.
JB watches as the younger boy's face lights up in excitement as he receives the present, as if an overwhelming abundance of surprise and joy are poured into him. The sight of a Youngjae's childlike happiness almost kills the nervousness within JB. However, instead of opening the box immediately, Youngjae takes a long look at the other instead, beaming at him as if he had no care in the world.
"Thank you." Youngjae's usually loud voice comes out softer than he intends it to. He blames it on the unexpected gesture—and feels tears welling up in his eyes. "What did I do to deserve this?"
Caught off guard by his question, JB shifts his gaze away and chuckles. "I originally bought this as a congratulatory present," he begins and quickly adds when Youngjae's smile falters, "but I would've given it to you either way. It's your cheer up gift now."
At JB's words, a dam breaks within Youngjae and a flurry of emotions take over him:
surprise, that JB bothered to prepare a present for him even before the exam;
anger, for not being able to pass it—three times in total;
disappointment, that the present had to be changed to one that cheered him up instead;
and gratefulness, for having the best leader and friend he could ever ask for.
Youngjae feels a tear roll down his cheek and reaches to wipe it with the back of his sleeve, but another falls on the other side, and he begins to fumble—sniffling and awkwardly shifting the box from one hand to the other so that he can stop his tears. He hated crying, especially overwhelmingly and in front of other people.
As he wonders how long it would take for his tears to cease this time, warm arms encircle him to pull him into an embrace, shielding him from the chilly evening air. The familiar smell of JB's shampoo wraps around him as well, reminding him of how much he had missed being able to lie beside the other after their showers to talk about everything and nothing.
JB's hand is patting his back, the older boy is whispering words of comfort he can't really hear—and the box is uncomfortably wedged between their bodies.
"Hyung," Youngjae manages to say between his sobs, "the box!"
Releasing him immediately with an apologetic look, JB reaches to take the box from Youngjae, leaving it on top of the car's hood and immediately pulling the other back into a hug.
"It's frustrating, isn't it?" He asks and continues, "I felt distressed too, watching you try again and again. But you know what? I didn't pass on my first try either, so it's fine, Youngjae. It really is."
Even though he is not one to usually take comfort in another's misery, Youngjae feels very much at ease upon hearing JB's words, especially the way the older boy says his name. "So don't cry about it anymore, alright?" JB loosens his embrace to take a small step back, his arms still loosely around Youngjae, "I... never know what to do when you cry. It makes me feel helpless."
"I'm sorry," is all Youngjae manages, wondering if he should be feeling at JB's confession.
"You don't have to apologize," JB lets out a weak laugh. "What am I going to do with you?" His voice is very soft as his fingers find a place in Youngjae's hair, slowly sliding down to cup the younger boy's cheek.
"Do... with me?"
There is a look he does not recognize in JB's eyes, he wonders if it is pain, longing, or both, or something else entirely. After all, why would JB feel those emotions right now?
"Would you like to open your present?"
Youngjae realizes that he is switching the topic, but does not pursue it. Half of him feels relieved that he does not have to hear the answer because the mere thought of what it could be made him extremely nervous. "Of course."
So he opens the box, lifting the lid slowly to see a black object. Retrieving from within the box, Youngjae turns it around and wonders out loud, "a beret?" Looking inside the hat, he notices a tag and his eyes widen. "How did you..." Youngjae does not finish his question, he can't, but JB answers anyway.
"You've been looking at it for a while haven't you?"
Yes, for months, but I didn't buy it because I was saving for something else.
"I was so worried you'd buy it before I could! Well, even if you did, I would probably just have bought the next item on your wishlist."
Wait, how do you even know about my wishlist?
"But I know you love hats though, so this was my top pick. Do you like it?"
Are you kidding? I love it! You have no idea how much...
"Um," JB's rambling comes to a stop because Youngjae has been so quiet. "Is- I mean, did I, is the hat, do you hate it...?"
Realizing that he did not answer out loud—because his voice seems to have gone missing all of a sudden—Youngjae throws his arms around JB to answer him instead. With his face resting at the crook of JB's neck, he does not see the surprise in the other's eyes nor the different shades of red that have manifested on the older boy's cheeks.
When his voice finally returns, he tells JB that he loves it. He adds that JB probably has no idea how much he loves it, but it is not the hat that makes him feel that way, but the fact that there is a gift at all. Youngjae continues by telling JB he is grateful, on top of it. That is can't believe JB prepared a gift in advance.
JB's voice is barely above a whisper when he asks why Youngjae would find it hard to believe.
"It's just," Youngjae's hold on JB tightens, not wanting the other to suddenly break the embrace and be able to see the expression he had, "we haven't been hanging out that often anymore, and I just thought you have better things to do and care for."
"That's ridiculous, there are no better things to do, or care for," Youngjae almost flinches at how angry JB sounds, so the next words catch him totally off guard.
"It's always just been you."
The world seems to dim at those words. All Youngjae feels is the thumping of his heartbeat melding with JB's. He wonders if he heard right, or if he understood what JB meant correctly. As if hearing his doubts, JB reaffirms his statement: "I care for you, Choi Youngjae. Much more than I may seem to."
Tears sting Youngjae's eyes again, and he lets them fall this time, soaking into the shoulder of JB's coat. He hears JB sigh softly. "How can I not, when you're like this?"
Words fail him, so Youngjae moves his fingers to grasp the side of JB's coat tightly, pulling them closer if it were possible.
"I don't really know how to put this but... it's difficult. Difficult to ignore the fact that I automatically pay more attention to you before anyone or anything else. Difficult to ignore you when you're such..." JB pauses to take a breath, and Youngjae feels him tremble before he continues.
"You're a joy and motivation to me, Youngjae," the way he says Youngjae's name sends shivers up the younger boy's spine, "both as a group mate and friend. I try to be fair, to myself and to others. I've been trying to pay more attention to everything else, but it's difficult then, too. Difficult to pretend I don't think about you when I'm away for my own schedules, difficult to sort out some unwanted feelings whenever you're with someone else or we're not togeth-"
"What kind of unwanted feelings?"
Youngjae hears JB inhale sharply at his question, and the other is silent for a moment before answering. "Jealousy. Anger, sometimes. Mostly sadness. Loneliness. "
"...that's just like how I feel."
Even though their feelings for each other are obvious for quite a few others to see, it took failures and courage of different kinds for them to realize that. Upon realizations like it, different people react in their own unique ways: JB clears his throat while Youngjae bites his lip out of embarassment. Yet, no matter how different two people are, if they share the same feelings, some reactions will still end up similar: their averted gazes, flushed cheeks, rapid heartbeats, and jumbled thoughts mirror each others'.
Youngjae finally manages to calm down slightly when JB clears his throat to get his attention. Looking back towards the older boy, Youngjae sees the other's familiar smile.
The smile that feels like a warm blanket on a chilly night.
The smile that had comforted and gave him strength many times before.
The smile that, more often than not, appeared at times when he least expected it to, but when he needed it most.
Youngjae can't help but smile his happiest in return.
Covered by the blanket of realization, both boys have a million thoughts racing through their minds but neither speak. Instead, they stay outside for a while, bodies close to each other's, gazing out into the mountains that are basking in the final rays of the sun. When the wind picks up and darkness is finally upon them, JB taps on Youngjae's shoulder and motions for them to get back into the car.
The ride back is significantly quieter than the one before, but the atmosphere is also very much lighter. Occasionally, Youngjae would get the urge to sing along to a song, but at the memory of JB's words and his new realization, he would smile and merely hum softly instead. JB's words are few like before, but he would check on Youngjae every now and then—asking the other if he is alright. Even though there is no reason for Youngjae not to be, he still enjoys the attention and care he is given, especially with his new-found realization.
As they turn off the highway into the road leading back to their dorm, Youngjae feels a tinge of reluctance and sadness.
"Can we drive around for a while more?"
As if waiting for him to say that, JB nods and asks if there is anywhere he would like to go.
"Not really. I just want to stay like this for a little while more," he hesitates at first but decides to add, "just the two of us."
JB's face is illuminated by the light from the streetlamps, and it is enough for Youngjae to see a smile form on the other's face.
"Sure, I know just the place to go."
It is the park slightly further from where their dorm is, the one where JB had found Youngjae a month after he had officially joined GOT7. Youngjae remembers that night too well: him giving into the pressure of debuting soon, running out at midnight to soak in the rain only to lose his way back.
He remembers JB calling his name in the rain, the feeling of being enveloped in the other's warm arms from the cold rain, he remembers falling in love then—too fast, too soon after knowing the boy called Im Jae Bum.
As Youngjae looks out of the car, at the tree JB had found him under a few years ago, the other asks if he wants any other snacks. "I think I bought too much, let's finish what we can?"
JB rummages through the plastic bags and lifts out a box, "Pepero?"
Immediately, Youngjae's blushes, remembering the last time he and JB had played the Pepero Game. They had almost kissed thanks to Jinyoung's ever-evil hands that pushed JB forward; though Youngjae remembers the other being very calm about it, as opposed to his own reaction.
"Okay."
They munch in silence until JB can't take it anymore. "Hey, Youngjae." Finishing his Pepero, Youngjae turns to look at JB, curious and waiting.
"So, just now, we... well, I said some things, and then you did, and," JB trails off, never finishing his sentence. He chooses to take another stick of Pepero instead, leaving it in his mouth and staring away. Youngjae tries not to chuckle out loud at JB's antics. Having known the leader for so long, it was easy for Youngjae to tell that JB was boiling with frustration beneath his cool demeanor. It usually happened when the other had a hard time finding the right words.
JB had always been the one to speak when they were in awkward situations: when Youngjae needed comfort over a sensitive matter, when Youngjae was feeling down, even if they had a fight—JB would be the one to speak first with carefully chosen words.
Youngjae thinks that JB has done a lot, for him and for them both, so he decides to do something in return tonight.
Lifting himself and leaning over, he bits the other end of JB's Pepero—at least, what little is left of it.
He hears JB gasp softly and watches as the remaining bit of snack falls down, but pays it no heed. Instead, he presses his lips onto JB's, a giddy sense of happiness filling him when he feels JB's lips curve into the smile he loved so much in return.