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1.
Sam and Jessica walked up to the porch of an extremely loud house, which clearly had a bunch of drunk young adults. Jess was dressed up as a nurse, while he didn’t bother trying to dress up. He looked around as he trailed behind Jessica like a lost dog, watching her give hello’s to some people as they walked further into the crowd. He watched a group of girls all wearing matching costumes and felt a slight pang in his heart, ignoring it, he followed Jess to the beverages.
She grabbed two shots of only god knows what, and handed one to Sam, who just laughed at her insistency to begin drinking. Sam hadn’t been much of a drinker, afraid that drinking would make him become more like his father, which is exactly what he ran away from. He hesitantly downed the shot handed to him after Jessica had hers and cringed at the taste of the beverage, “ Jeez, how do you even drink this shit? “ he gagged at the lingering taste inside of his mouth while Jess just giggled.
“ I guess you need an acquired taste. “ she shrugged and smiled, grabbing another shot and asking with her eyes if Sam wanted another, to which he shook his head. She swallowed the shot and slammed the empty glass down onto a nearby table, grabbing Sam’s hands and bringing him into the crowd to dance. He laughed nervously, looking around, doubting that anyone here is sober enough to even remember any of this in the morning, and danced with Jessica.
His eyes landed on a girl wearing a slightly revealing outfit, showing off her curves with confidence, and he looked back at Jess. She was quite similar, she was beautiful, especially with the lights hanging overhead, highlighting her soft features and pale eyes. He wished he was as pretty as her. Sure, he’s always called things like “ pretty “, but the word that always comes after is boy. “ Pretty boy “, people usually call him, and he always wished people had only called him pretty.
“ What? “ Jess asks Sam, which breaks him out of his trance, and he stumbles over his words, “ Huh? N-nothing. “. She gives him a look that says “ Bullshit “, “ It’s just, you keep staring. “ she says, and he just grins, “ You’re just beautiful. “ he responds and caresses the side of her face, but there’s an underlying sadness in his voice. She kisses him lightly on the lips, “ Thank you, baby, i’m going to go talk to Lexi, wanna come with? “.
He shakes his head, “ Nah, i’m gonna go talk to some of my friends. “ he says and nods his head to the living room where a group of dudes are practically yelling their heads off. “ ‘Kay, love you. “ she blows him a kiss, walking over to her friends and hugging them, seemingly complimenting their outfits. He chuckled and walked over to his friends, hanging out with them for a while until he overhears one of their conversations. “ Yeah, I heard Dylan’s trans. “ one of them not so discreetly whispers, which makes him freeze up and listen more intently to the conversation the three boys were having.
“ Was caught trying on a dress, heh, like a fag. “ he slurs the rest out and makes the other two dudes laugh and he just stands there. A couple seconds later Brady waves his hand in front of his face, “ Hey Sam, what’s wrong? Too many drinks? “ he chuckles out, and Sam just stares at him dumbfounded, “ Uh, no. I’ll be right back. “ he manages and practically runs to the upstairs bathroom. He slams the door shut and slides down onto the floor, beginning to sob, he doesn’t really know why. It’s not like they were talking about one of his friends or him, so why was he crying?
It must’ve been a while because there’s a knock at the door and he hears Jessica outside of it, “ Sam? Are you okay, can I come in? “. He takes a deep breath, wipes his eyes, and opens the door, “ What’s wrong? Brady told me you’ve been up here a while. “ she says worriedly, and he walks out the bathroom, “ Nothing’s wrong, uhm. Can we go home? “ he says, looking anywhere but her, “ Of course, c’mon. “ she responds and puts her hand on his back and leads them outside after saying goodbye to her friends. They get into the car and Jess looks at Sam, “ Do you wanna talk? “ she asks, knowing that he’s upset at the moment, he just shakes his head, and they drive back to their apartment.
Once they get back and are ready to lay down Jessica turns to Sam, “ Hey, baby, are you.. okay? You seemed pretty upset earlier and have been off since the party. “ she asks, looking at him with concern. He sighs and looks back at her, “ No. I’m- I’m not okay. “ he says tearing up, feeling that familiar lump in his throat trying to prevent him from speaking, “ I.. I don’t think i’m normal. “ he gets out and looks at the floor.
Jess looks at him perplexed, “ What do you mean? “ she asks and gently grabs the side of his face and he leans into the touch, staring at her, “ ..I think I wanna be a girl. “ he whispers and tears up, pulling his head away from her, getting ready to be yelled at, and called disgusting. But instead he receives a kiss on the lips, “ I don’t care. “ she looks Sam into the eyes, “ I love you. “ and Sam breaks down in her arms, hugging her in a tight grip, Jessica rubbing Sam’s back.
“ Do you want me to call you a different name? “ she whispers into Sam’s ear, Sam thinks for a couple seconds. “ Samantha. “ she decides on, and Jess smiles, “ Samantha. It’s a beautiful name. Would yoy still like the nickname Sam? “ she asks, making sure that Samantha is comfortable. “ Uhm, yea. Thank you Jess. “ she says into the crook of the other girls neck, “ Of course. I love you, Samantha. “
She kisses all over the other girls face, making sure she knows she is loved, and that she supports who she is.
2.
Sam wakes up to the sound of what seems like someone breaking into her and Jess’ apartment. She quietly walks into their kitchen, and sees someone walking, immediately springing into action and jumping on their back. They manage to get her off and swing and kick her towards the living room, they begin to fist fight and they pin her down onto the ground.
“ Woahh, easy tiger. “ the voice laughs even though they’re also out of breath.
“ Dean? “ she asks extremely confused and convinced she’s dreaming right now. Dean just laughs and doesn’t let go of Sam, “ You scared the crap out of me. “ she breathes heavily, “ That’s cause you’re out of practice. “ Dean chuckles and Sam kicks him and flips their positions so Dean is now on the ground. “ Guess not. Now get off me. “ he says and Sam is just now realizing this is real life. And if Dean notices the girly pajamas Sam has on he doesn’t say anything about it.
“ Dean, what the hell are you doing here? “ she asks, slightly mad now considering he’s in her apartment with no warning, “ I was looking for a beer. “ he jokes and pats her on the shoulders, all of a sudden the lights turn on and and they both turn their heads. Jess walks inside, “ Sam, Baby? “ Sam jumps, “ Jess, hey. “ she turns towards her brother, “ Dean, this is my girlfriend, Jessica. “
Jess’ face turns into one of familiarity, “ Wait, your brother Dean? “ she asks happily, excited to meet at least Sam’s brother. Dean eyes her shirt, “ I love the Smurf’s “ is what he responds with and Sam just glares at him, “ Y’know, I gotta tell you, you are completely out of my brother’s league! “ he jokes in an attempt to embarrass Sam. Jess just has a confused look on her face and begins to ask, “ Do you mean si- “, but cuts herself off, and her face turns to a look of understanding. “ Just let me put something on. “ she says, kind of uncomfortable. “ No, no, no, I wouldn’t dream of it. Seriously. “ Dean jokes and Jess just smiles awkwardly.
“ Anyway, “ he claps his hands, “ I gotta borrow your boyfriend here, gotta talk about some private family business. But, uh, nice meeting you. “ Sam flinches at the word boyfriend and tries to recover quickly, but Dean catches it. Sam looks at Dean and walks next to Jess, “ No. No, whatever you wanna say you can say it in front of her. “
Dean stares at him, “ Ok. Dad hasn’t been home in a few days. “ Sam stares back, “ Ok, he’s just working overtime. He’ll stumble back in sooner or later. “ Dean rolls his eyes like Sam’s some kind of idiot, “ Dad’s on a hunting trip, and he hasn’t been home in a few days. “ Sam’s neutral expression morphs into one of worry, “ Jess, excuse us. “
Sam comes back in after talking outside with Dean for a while and Jess looks at her concerned from the bed, “ Sam, what’s going on, what’s wrong? “ she asked. “ Family stuff. “ she responds and Jess can tell she doesn’t really want to talk about so they leave it at that. “ So.. Dean doesn’t know? “ asks Jess, and Sam shoves some clothes in her bag, “ Nah, I don’t talk to him much. “ and Jess frowns, “ Sorry, I thought because of how much you talked about him you talked to him a lot. “.
Sam chuckled and walks to stand in between her legs, grabbing her chin, “ It’s fine, ‘s not your fault. “ she gives her a peck on the lips and hugs her, “ I’ll be back before Monday. “ she promises, and gives her one last kiss and hug, then walks out.
Dean scrambles around and gets into his car, he was listening in and didn’t want to get caught. But he did wonder.. tell him what?
Sam gets in the passenger seat and they drive off to Jericho.
—
They’d just finished their mission and were on their way back to Sam’s apartment, Dean decided to try and start some small talk, “ Hey, uh, Sam, so what’s been going on? “ Sam swallows nervously, “ Nothing much, just, law school stuff. What about you? “ Dean just shakes his head, “ Just been hunting solo or with dad. “ Sam looks out the window, “ Nice. “ she mumbles, on her phone messaging someone.
Later after that, Sam begins to talk again, “ Y’know, I do have something I want to say. “ she looks down at her lap, fidgeting with her thumbs, and Dean just keeps driving, “ Yeah? “ Sam takes a deep breath in, “ Uhm, i’m a girl. My name is Samantha. “
Dean doesn’t move, just continues driving, until he looks at her, “ Cool. “ he nods, seemingly uncomfortable but not because she is transgender, because he’s missed an important part of Samantha’s life. “ I don’t care what you are, Sammy, you’re still my little sister. “ Dean ruffles Sam’s hair and she just grins.
3.
Sam walks into her and Dean’s motel room, “ Who are you!? “ and pulls her gun out her pocket, pointing it at the strange cloaked man sitting in their room. “ Sam! Sam, wait! “ he looks to her, “ That’s Castiel, the angel. “ and moves her gun down, “ Him, I don’t know. “ they both look at the random man facing the window, Castiel gets up and walks toward Sam, “ Hello, Sam. “ She stares at him, awestruck, “ Oh my god. Uh, I didn’t mean to- sorry. It’s an honor, really, i’ve hear a lot about you. “
She sticks her hand out for a handshake, she thinks she’s being left hanging by an angel but he eventually returns the gesture. “ And I, You. Sam Winchester, the.. boy with the demon blood. “ she lightly flinches and her face scrunches up, “ I’m glad to see you’ve ceased your.. extracurricular activities. “. Before she can respond the random guy at the window interrupts, “ Let’s keep it that way. “
“ Yeah, okay chuckles. “ Dean comments, a little upset at the misgendering of his sister, “ Who’s your friend? “ he whispers, and Sam zones out, slightly hearing the conversation about the witch they located.
“ ..Okay, great. Well, now that you’re here why don’t you tell us where the witch is, we’ll gank her, and everybody goes home. “ Dean suggests and Castiel sighs, “ We are not omniscient, this witch is very powerful, she’s cloaked even our methods. “ Sam interrupts them, “ Okay, we already know who she is so if we work together- “
She’s once again interrupted by the man near the window, “ Enough of this. “. Dean gets more upset “ Okay, who are you and why should I care? “ he snaps, and the man turns towards the three. Castiel introduces him, “ This is.. Uriel. He’s what you might call.. a specialist. “
“ What kind of a specialist? “ Dean asks and neither reply, “ ..What are you going to do? “ Castiel turns towards Dean, “ Both of you need to leave this town immediately. “ and Dean stares at him, “ Why? “
“ Because we’re about to destroy it. “ says Castiel, and Sam and Dean look at each other with worry. After a while of back snd forth with the two angels, the siblings went to leave in their car. Sam sat and stared at the hex bag found in their room, “ What? “ Dean asked and Sam sighed, “ I thought they’d be different. “
“ What, the angels? “ Dean looked at her, “ Yeah. “. He just shakes his head, “ Yeah, I tried to tell you. “ Sam shrugs and looks at her brother, “ I just thought they’d be righteous.. and maybe know that i’m not a boy. “ she adds under her breath. they converse for a while longer and Dean makes a crappy joke, “ Well, we gonna find a way to find this witch or are you gonna sit there fingering your bone? “ he chuckles at his own joke.
—
When they finished their mission, Dean went out to get food for the both of them, Sam staying behind at the motel. She was relaxing and slightly dozing off when she opened her eyes and saw Castiel standing above her, “ Jesus! “ she gasped and sat up, flushing red at what she said, “ Wait- I meant- ..never mind. “ she sighed, “ Why.. are you here? “
Castiel made a face that seemed like it was obvious why he was here, but he answered anyways, “ I seemed to have offended or upset you earlier, and for that I wanted to apologize. “, Sam just giggled and shook her head, “ It’s fine, It’s a stupid reason anyway. “
Castiel tilted his head, “ Any reason for discomfort is not a stupid reason. “ he frowned, “ If you don’t mind me asking, what was the reason? “ he still stood near the edge of the bed and Sam sat up, “ It’s kinda personal, but, I trust you. Uhm, i’m a girl. “. Castiel looks confused and tilts his head a little, “ I’m transgender. “ Sam clarifies, knowing it still probably won’t make sense to the angel. “ Uh, I use she and her pronouns. “
The angel just slowly nods, “ I see. May I ask why? “ Sam smiles happily, glad that the angel wants to try and understand. “ I’ve always felt trapped in my body, since I was little. Like something was.. wrong… just never felt comfortable referred to with masculine terms. “ Castiel made a noise of understanding, “ Well, again, I apologize. “, then she blinked and the angel was gone.
“ Castiel? Jeez, that’s not scary. “ She joked to herself and Dean unlocked the door and entered, shaking the bag with food.
4.
Dean, Sam, and Bobby all sat in Bobby’s library area. They were researching for the current mission they were on and joking around with each other, “ Yeah, and Sam- she was like- “, Sam froze and tuned the conversation out, not daring to look in Bobby’s direction, afraid that the father figure she’s spent years looking up to will hate her for who she is, like her actual father. Her thoughts are interrupted when Dean snaps his fingers in front of her face, “ Hey, Sammy, you okay? “, she jumps and looks at him bewildered, “ Hey! What- “ Dean just pats her on the shoulder, “ You were all, zoned out. “
“ Can I talk to you? “ she asks him suddenly, and Dean raises a brow and eyes Bobby then Sam again, “ Sure. “ he says, attempting to hide the concern in his voice, but going just under the bar. She gets up and walks out to the porch, Dean not far behind, and they stand on the front porch. “ Should I come out to Bobby? “ she asks Dean nervously, and Dean gives her a stone cold look, “ That’s up to you, not my decision to make, and you shouldn’t force yourself if you don’t want to. “
Sam thinks for a couple moments until she looks at Dean, “ I think i’m going to. “ she says her thought out loud, “ Can you, stay out here? So it’s just me and him? “ she aks and smiles sheepishly. Dean just chuckles and nods, “ Yeah, I will Sammy. “, patting her on the shoulder and giving her words of encouragement before she walks back in.
She walks into the doorway of the library and knocks on the door frame, “ Hey, Bobby, I, uh, want to talk with you. “ she makes a small smile. “ Oh, of course, what’s up Sam? “ he has a concerned face and gestures for her to sit. She pulls the chair out and sits across from him, biting her fingernails as she gains the rest of the courage she needs to begin speaking. “ Bobby, “ she starts and he raises his brows, “ you’ve practically been my father for years, and I want you to know I admire you very much. “
“ Get to the point, Sam. “ he says lightheartedly, knowing Sam will continue to stray off topic and get too nervous. “ Ok, I wanted to let you know, i’m a girl. I’d, uh, like it if you used she and her pronouns for me. “ she has an intense staring contest with the floor, focusing on the carpet beneath her feet.
silence.
“ Oh, Sam. “ he just deadpanned the other, “ I don’t give a rat’s ass what you are. “ She teared up a little, “ I’ll love and care for you no matter what. I’m not like John. “ he finishes his sentence, getting up and patting Sam on the shoulder, who also gets up, so fast that it knocks the chair over, and she wraps Bobby in a tight bear hug. “ Thank you, Bobby. “ she cries a little, they both look up at the sound of Dean walking in, making sure everything is okay.
“ See, Sam, Knew it’d be fine. “ he says confidently, and Sam just scowls at him, “ You never said anything, Jerk. “ he just scoffs at her, “ Bitch. “ Sam flips her off and Dean rolls his eyes at her.
+ 1
Sam is sat at the dinner table, moving the heated up vegetables around on his plate. He’s 9 years old! Of course he won’t like vegetables!.. or that’s just what he told himself. He looked over at Dean who was practically eating the plate, licking it clean, due to this being one of the only actual cooked meals and not something heated up in the microwave because their dad was home. He was just about to pick a vegetable up with his fork when his dad came over and picked his hand up.
“ What is this? “ he pointed towards the nail polish on Sam’s fingernails, “ Where the hell did you get the shit to do that? “ he raised his voice angrily, and Sam flinched back, trying to break his hand free which only made his father tighten his grip on the small child’s wrist. “ Stop! You’re hurting me! “ he yelled, standing up now, the vegetables on his plate cold and forgotten as he tried to get away from his father’s grip. He began to cry as the pain became unbearable and broke free, falling onto the ground and wiping at his eyes.
“ Get up. “ his father said, and when he didn’t and continued to cry his father wasn’t having it, “ Get up! “ he yelled, and he weakly stood up. “ Go take that shit off. “ he crouched in front of Sam and Sam began stepping backwards, “ No. “, his dad just laughed and turned around.
SMACK!
“ I’m not having no faggot son. “ he said and before he began walking away, he slapped him one final time. Dean got up and went after their dad yelling at him. “ What the fuck is wrong with you?! “ Sam heard fade away as they walked into the living room. He was sobbing and he rubbed his face where his father had slapped him and ran into the bathroom. He looked in the mirror and saw a bruise on his eye and cheek beginning to form, and lightly tapped the one on his cheek with two fingers and flinched.
Walking back into the bathroom he sat on the edge of the tub and began sobbing again, hitting himself upside the head, he looked for rubbing alcohol and cotton swabs. He took the swabs and rubbed the nail polish off, vowing to never put any on ever again. His head whipped up when he heard a knock at the door. “ Sam. It’s Dean. “. he sighed and slid off the edge of the tub to open the door. Dean came in and frowned, “ Jeez, he didn’t need to do all that. “ he mumbled under his breath. “ I’ll go get a can. “ he sighed.
Sam stood in the bathroom by himself now. He was such a fuck up. He’ll never be what his father wants, he’s not even sure he wants to anymore. Dean walked back into the bathroom with a coke can in his hand, walking up to Sam and lightly pressing it against the bruise on Sam’s eye. “ Ah- “ Sam winced, “ Just keep it on there, it’ll feel less painful after a while. “
“ Thanks, Dean. “ Sam smiled, grateful for his older brother and that he was helping him. “ You’re welcome, it’s the least I could do, Sam. You’re my little brother. “ Dean smiled back at him but it faltered, “ Just.. don’t listen to what he said. “ and Sam chuckled, “ Kinda hard to ignore, when he’s always telling me how much of a fuck up I am. “ Dean frowned now, grabbing Sam by the shoulders, “ You’re not a fuck up, Sam. He’s just being an ass. “
“ Thanks Dean. “ Sam said and hugged him.