Archive of Our Own

Winter brought a gentle lull over the earth, a layer of snow covering plants and roads. Edd pulled his legs in, his back on the cold floor, and watched his feet drag snow along. It was snowing, even now. Looking straight up made for a strange sight, snowflakes floating down, and being easily caught in the wind. 

He felt one of them land on his nose. It melted upon contact.

“We're graduating soon.”

The others looked over. Matt was kneeling next to him, hunched over to build a miniature snowman, while Tom and Tord were locked in a battle to try and mash each other's faces into the ground. It was ridiculous to see the wet snow slowly drip off as they stared at him.

“Yeah,” Tom shrugged. “So?”

Edd sighed deeply. Everyone else sort of straightened up. “We won't see each other every day anymore.”

“Thank god,” Tom punctuated his words by shoving Tord back into the snow. He retaliated quickly by squirming around and punching Tom anywhere he could reach.

Edd sighed loudly once again, but Tord and Tom didn't pay attention this time. Tom was doubled over in pain, but kept trying to push his gloved hand full of snow into Tord’s face.

Edd turned to face Matt. He was carefully sculpting the miniature snowman now. Upon closer inspection, he was trying to carve a face into the snow. Probably his own.

“I mean, we'll still see each other,” Matt said, responding to Edd as if the other two didn't interrupt the conversation. “It's just not in school.”

They were friends, sure. Edd really liked them all. “But are we the types of people to make the effort? Y'know?”

There were at least two people in their group that certainly wouldn't try to see each other.

“We've known each other for so long… I think at some point we'd start missing each other.” Matt narrowed his eyes and he accidentally pressed too hard into the snow, breaking the face apart. He gathered more snow and tried anew. “And I know at least you'll make an effort.”

Edd tried giving Matt a smile at that, but his heart wasn't in it. That was the one thing he was kind of worried about hearing.

“Besides, we still have a few months.”

“True.” Edd let his breath out, and looked back at the sky. Even if the future was uncertain- graduation, careers, their friendship- they'd have at least until summer to enjoy what they already had.

-

Edd expected things to change after graduation- maybe a big revelation- but in the end, he remained entirely clueless what he wanted to do with his life.

His best idea was to keep living with his parents and just work the first best job that took him. 

Matt had a different idea.

“My great uncle owns this place, right?”

Edd nodded. They were laying on the same field they had been back in winter, but now the green grass was growing lush and pretty. Tord was fiddling with a lighter, putting on a cigarette and puffing smoke into the air.

Tom turned onto his side. “Yeah?”

“It's, uh, it's not like a mansion or anything crazy, but it has a bunch of rooms, and it's furnished…” he played with the strings of his hoodie without looking at anyone else, and seeing this type of nervousness from Matt was very strange. “Because- well.” He laughed. “I think we don't have big ideas what to do. I thought maybe… while we're trying to figure this out, for the next few months, we could move in?”

Edd quickly flipped himself over onto his stomach. “Together?” He grinned.

“Together?” Tord and Tom said. Their expressions were the opposite of Edd's.

Matt raised his hands in innocence. “It's just an idea!”

“No, it's great!” He pushed himself up, sitting on his haunches and pushing his hands together excitedly.

“I mean, I think so too.” Matt regained some of his bravado. “My uncle said, for the first two months we don't have to pay him, so we can try to get some jobs in the meantime. After that we just need to pay utilities. So no rent.”

Tord looked a little more thoughtful at that. “No rent…”

“I guess,” Tom's face cringed, as if he hated saying it. “I guess it wouldn't be horrible to have a place for a month or two. For free.”

“So it's a yes!”

“I mean-”

Matt and Edd excitedly talked over each other, not letting the doubtful voice of Tom enter. Tord didn't have anything to add-

And so, the plan slowly came to life.

-

Living together was a fun idea on paper. They saw each other every day anyway, didn't they? So they knew they were compatible. 

At least that was true for most of them. 

Matt was pretty easy to live with- he got a job very quickly, one of his relatives knew an office job he could take up, so he wouldn't be home most of the day anyway. He cleaned up after himself, and had a vanity in his room so he wouldn't take up the bathroom for too long.

The others didn't have any nepotism luck, and took a little longer to find jobs. In the meanwhile they were all stepping on each other's toes, metaphorically. And Edd knew when to retreat, when to be the bigger person.

Tord and Tom, on the other hand…

“You smell like shit.” Tord wasn't even looking at Tom. His eyes were focused on his food.

“Shut up.” Tom tried not getting angry. “Put on a shirt. No one wants to see your scrawny ass.”

Tord only snorted. “Doesn't change that you smell like shit.”

And that was all to turn it into a big argument. Edd sat between them, listening to Tom yell and Tord reply in this false confident way, his lips curling to a mocking smile.

And this happened at least three times a week.

Matt barely got sight of their arguments, so Edd made sure to tell him about it in detail- he needed someone to suffer with him. 

It must've been the fifth week of living together when Tom really snapped over something small. 

Tord hadn't handed him over a plate that Tom had asked for, and in fact dragged it further away with a shit eating grin. Tom had stood up, walked around the table, and promptly kicked Tord off his chair.

In the few seconds that Edd found himself frozen in shock, Tord retaliated by kicking at Tom from the floor, before lunging to pull him down as well. In just a few seconds their kitchen devolved into an unethical boxing ring. By the third punch, Edd finally reacted, dragging Tord off of Tom. His arms were under his armpits, around his chest, and Tord flailed around for a little longer before slumping in defeat.

“...what is wrong with you two?!” He dropped Tord, who scrambled to stand up, holding himself up with the backrest of a chair. He was breathing so angrily- Tom on the other hand slowly sat up, a hand curled over his eye. His nose was bleeding, and it was dripping past his lips, down his chin. He glared at Edd as if he was the one that punched him.

“What is wrong with me? What is wrong with him!” Tord motioned towards Tom. “He- he attacked-”

“And you were provoking him!”

“I was joking!”

Edd stuttered something, but even as he was halfway through a sentence, he felt as though Tord wouldn't comprehend it at all. 

So what was he to do? He wasn't their mother. He couldn't just tell them what to do, they wouldn't listen-

His voice was even. “Please go to your room.”

Tord huffed angrily, and swiveled on the spot. Edd watched on, until he heard a door slam shut down the hallway.

The silence felt oppressive for a few moments. Tom was still sitting on the floor, now hunched over and leaving handprints of blood on the floor.

Edd snapped. “What the fuck was that?”

Tom vaguely gestured with his hand, still covered in the blood that thankfully stopped streaming out of his nose. Without another word he stood up, leaving bloody handprints on a chair and the doorframe for good measure, and stepped into his own room. The door quietly clicked shut.

So Edd was alone in a bloody kitchen, the smell already too pungent in the air. He quickly got a kitchen roll, and tried to clean every stain that he saw while they were still not too dry.

The napkins smelled horrible after he scrubbed at the blood, like loose pennies, and he gagged a little as he threw them away. For a long moment, he just sat at the table.

Then he finished his food. 

Tord's and Tom's plates were still out and about. He almost considered eating their portions too. But the front door opened before he could really think about it.

Matt walked into the kitchen humming a happy song under his breath, and there was a crate of beer hanging off his hand.

He stopped singing the moment he saw Edd’s expression. “Woah, who's funeral is it?”

Edd's glare deepened.

“Wait, it's not an actual funeral, is it?”

He dropped the beer crate, and Edd immediately grabbed one. It was lukewarm, but he felt like he just needed it now. He took a swig, and sighed deeply.

“Tom and Tord beat each other up.”

“Oh, huh.” Matt grabbed himself a beer as well. He sat down at the table, opening the beer and drinking as well. “They tend to do that.”

“They used to. When they were- sixteen. And it was just for fun.”

“And you're saying they didn't do it for fun?”

“One hundred percent not.”

He frowned. “That's not good.”

“No shit.”

They could just sit there and let this happen, or they could- actually, they couldn't do much. They could talk to them, but it's a mystery whether they would actually listen. And it was just very likely they wouldn't, knowing them.

“We could, uh-” Matt scratched his chin, and Edd perked up. “Enroll them for like, boxing classes so they actually get their anger out of their system.”

Edd slumped. “So they can beat each other up even better.”

“It was just an idea.”

“It's a stupid idea.”

Matt clicked with his tongue, throwing his hands up. “Whatever.”

“Sorry, I'm just-”

He went silent. 

Both of them stared at the open door.

Tord stood in the doorway to the kitchen, glaring at them and not saying a word- walking up to the freezer and getting out an ice pack.

Edd and Matt moved to glance into the hallway to watch Tord slam his palm against Tom's door in a knock that was way too aggressive, and then not wait for an answer before opening up. Edd stepped forward- but Matt put a hand on his shoulder.

Tom's voice came immediately and angrily, muffled through the distance. “Get out of my-”

But Tord only threw the ice pack at him, and swung the door close. Then he moved down in the hallway, and disappeared back into his room.

“I mean.” Matt looked down the hallway a moment longer before pulling back into the kitchen. “That's their way of apologizing, isn't it?”

“...”

“Problem solved.” Matt clapped his hands as if getting dust off of them.

“We'll see,” Edd said.

-

In the end, they didn't seem to care much for their outbursts. They kept fighting, and kept berating each other. It was routine, at this point. Edd easily fell into the cycle.

-

Tord's newest project was this old car he bought for spare change. They had a garage they didn't use, because none of them actually owned a car- the public transport was good enough from their location anyway. And they had meant to put some couches in it, and maybe some spare second hand shit they could get their hands on to make a cool hang-out spot. But their living room was fine enough, so no one felt very motivated or excited to be spending money for that.

So Tord was the first to claim the garage with a beaten up red Fiat, the rust peeling off the metal, and the motor coughing like a retirement home.

“You're, uh,” Edd traced the edge of his coke can, staring at Tord underneath the car. His feet were idling around, but he was otherwise still, likely concentrated on what he was working at. “You're usually not so mechanical.”

Tord rolled out with Tom's skateboard- thankfully Tom was out of the house and wouldn't be starting an argument over this, even though he hasn't used that skateboard in actual years.

“I know!” He grinned. His accent was thicker than usual, and Edd blamed the fact that he was a little breathless. “I'm branching out, Edd.” He held his hand up, gesturing around as if he saw some grand vision. “If I keep making just blueprints, well, I am no good! I have to get my hands dirty.”

Edd hummed, not quite knowing what he was agreeing to. Tord wheeled back under the car, and there was some metallic clinking that Edd wouldn't understand, even if he wanted to.

And somehow, they all expected that thing to be forgotten. They all had their phases of picking up things and never getting halfway done. They probably heard Tom strumming a different song every other day, and never getting good enough to properly play it.

But Tord was a surprise to even those who knew him best.

It was probably two hours past midnight when Edd heard a knock on his door. He was at his computer, so thankfully he wasn't woken up by the continuous banging against his door, but it was odd enough to make him get up quickly.

He expected a medical emergency, or a drunk Tom. He didn't expect to see Tord standing there, excitedly rocking back and forth, eyes blown wide as he stared at Edd. He smelled like that car, of oil and rusty metal, and his hair was flat against his head as if he hadn't washed it properly in a while.

“It's 2 AM.”

“And it's not getting any earlier!” 

Tord grabbed his arm and pulled him out- at least he was wearing sweatpants- pushing him into the garage with nothing but socks on.

“I think I'm done. I set a goal to make her functional. And better.”

‘She’ still looked… like a beat up, rusty car. Tord opened the passenger door, and held it open for Edd. He motioned inside.

“I want to show you.” 

Edd felt like he was walking into a bear trap. But Tord looked excited, and not in a mischievous way. And he had been working non-stop at this thing for the past few weeks. And. Well. Edd had a bleeding heart. And he was going to die in a horrible car explosion, but at least Tord would be happy that he took him along.

“You're making a face.”

Edd fixed his expression before Tord could get upset, and quickly swung his leg into the passenger seat. The inside wasn't as bad as the outside. It seemed Tord had at least vacuumed it, although there were still some strange stains on the seats, and the leather around the shift gear was pretty torn up.

Tord opened the garage door, and jumped into the driver's seat. He was grinning manically now, sticking the key into the ignition.

Edd put on the seatbelt, and tried to free his mind. Tord wouldn't put him in a car that exploded immediately, or even a few minutes later. He must've tested it out before deciding to share a casket with a friend.

But there was no deathly rattle from the motor, or some sort of gurgling. It sounded rather smooth, all things considered. Still a little rough, but certainly miles better than what he had expected.

Tord rolled an R on his tongue, trying to imitate the motor- he was pretty close. 

“You're like Tom with Susan.”

His expression soured for just a moment. “Don't compare me to that.” He shifted into reverse. He shook the comment off, and put his hand on the passenger seat as he backed out of the garage. He was biting his tongue in concentration, twisting the wheel until he was straight on the lane, and pushed himself into the seat with satisfaction as he shifted into first gear, and rolled down the street.

“Where are we going?”

“Somewhere practical,” he answered, cryptically. “Say, what is the fastest you ever went on a car?”

Edd had to think for a moment. He didn't drive much. In fact, he probably only used his parents' car a handful of times after getting his driver's licence. “I mean… if I went to an empty street, probably around a hundred.” Likely more- but he had still been in that safety modus that he got from the driver's lessons he got. He was scared that the one time he let loose and drove quicker, he'd get flagged down by the police. Or worse, actually get into an accident.

“Aha, so, so. Good boy.”

“I don't think it makes me a good boy for trying not to cause accidents…”

Tord clicked his tongue. “Only bad drivers cause accidents.” He sped up, but they were still in the suburban area, so not by much. It took a few minutes- Tord tried absently fiddling with the radio, but Edd slapped his hand away and tried to do it himself.

“I had to replace a lot inside. The battery was shit. The brakelines too. The wheels were alright, at least. And you know- the antenna was bitten in half by probably some wild animals, wherever this car had been standing for years and years. And I didn't care about it first, but then- I wanted to listen to music while working on it, yeah? I felt very productive. I didn't have to wait until my phone was charged to listen to music and work, it was just built into the car itself.”

The music turned on after Edd struggled with it, and it was something appropriate for the night- quiet and calm, almost sweet. Edd turned it to a comfortable volume.

Tord spoke under his breath for the next part. “Sometimes the small, useless things… they're good to enjoy, too.”

“Hm.” 

“Anyway,” he said loudly again. “You said the fastest you went is a hundred?”

“I mean- yeah. Basically. I barely used the car.”

They were on a mostly empty road now. Left and right to them were fields, and houses stretched far apart, and most importantly, no cars. They sped up significantly, and Edd glanced at the speedometer. They were driving a solid hundred. It was alright. The highbeams were a little weaker than the ones on his parent's car, but it was alright. 

In fifth gear, they were driving gently and smoothly. Tord glanced over at Edd. “You trust me, right?”

He sped up. Edd watched the speedometer tick up to 120. That was still fine. Not legal, but it was an empty street.

“Not when you ask like that.”

Tord squeezed his shoulder, laughing. “You do, you do.” They got even quicker. This was an old, rickety car- at 140 the entire car was shaking as if it was about to fall apart. 

“Tord, I don't think the car's meant to go that fast.” His voice was very even and thin, but he could feel a strange sensation on his neck, like someone was stabbing him with tiny needles.

“I renovated her, she can do anything.”

The street had been mostly straight so far. But in the distance, Edd could see a sharp curve coming up, his heart seizing.

“Tord.”

Tord looked over for way too long. “Edd.”

“Slow down.”

“Edd,” he said again. More firm. “You trust me. Don't close your eyes. Hold on, but trust me.”

And in the moment of panic, his mind jumped through thoughts- had Tord ever willfully put Edd in danger? He joked about it, but they all did. The only person he hurt was Tom. He wouldn't- he had to be so sure of himself. 

Edd felt that this confidence was sickening. But who was he to doubt it? Tord was oozing with assuredness. It was infectious, in a way. A placebo for the nerves.

He took a deep breath, and sank into his seat. His hand gripped where he could find purchase. 

The car sped up. It sounded like a plane that was about to lift up. One of those cheap planes that make you fear for your life.

And then- just before the curve, hurling towards it like Tord wanted to jump the ditch separating it from the field behind it- they actually slowed down, a little. He fiddled with the gear, and then violently turned the steering wheel, and Edd swallowed down the scream-

They slid along the curve, and behind it was another one, a snaking road, and Tord turned the wheel the other way. And they just kept sliding, the tires screeching along the asphalt, the smell of burned rubber shooting through the air.

Edd felt frozen, moving left and right, the way the curves bent him, before the road straightened out, and the car pulled back into a comfortable speed, driving along the road.

Everything went quiet. The motor was still running, they were still driving, but it was so loud a moment earlier, that Edd barely heard a thing. 

His fingers felt numb. His eyes were burning too- and he could feel that all the blood left his face, leaving him dazed and dizzy.

The music was still going. A woman was singing gently about a sensual love. Edd put a hand on his heart, and waited for it to slow down.

Tord slowed, and slowed, until he came to a stop on the side of the road. There was a big, stupid grin on his face. “I drifted!”

Edd still felt his mouth screwed shut. He didn't speak a word for a solid thirty seconds. Tord didn't interrupt the silence either. Edd took another hard breath, and melted into his seat.

“Oh my god.”

“Great, right?”

“I thought I was gonna die.”

“And it's great, right?”

His hands were still shaking. He could feel his entire body. His head felt like it was flying high, high above. He was awake and alert, and his eyes kept moving everywhere. The still road ahead, the rear view mirror, his hands, the spaces between his fingers, and then, Tord. Smiling and shaking too. 

With a laugh, he brought his hands to Edd’s and held them together tight. “I feel good.”

“I feel bad!” Edd was coming back to earth. He wanted to rip his hands out of Tord's. He didn't.

“No, no! You don't feel bad.” Tord shook his head, sitting sideways on the seat to properly turn towards Edd. “It's just scary, that's all.”

“Scary is bad.”

Tord closed his eyes and shook his head. “Scary is fun.”

Edd finally got his hands out of Tord's, and leaned forward to put his head on the dashboard. “You're fucking crazy.”

“...Do you wanna go again?”

Edd slowly turned his head. He blinked, glaring Tord down. 

He unbuckled and made to open the door.

“No, wait, stay-” Tord was giggling, and it was the first time today that Edd noticed a layer of nervousness. “I'll drive you home. Normally.”

Edd swallowed, and his throat was dry. “You promise?”

“Eh. It's not fun to do this if you're crying or angry.”

“I'm not crying,” he started, keeping his tone upward as if he was going to continue. But he left it at that.

Tord turned up the music, and it was a song about- vaguely- summer, or partying, or friends. Edd's heart calmed down, and his body relaxed. Tord was driving expertly, returning them safely to the garage.

He clasped a hand on his shoulder before they both left for their rooms, almost like he was apologizing, or rather just acting as if everything was fine.

And oddly, as Edd laid in bed, thinking about the speed, the rattling car, the tires drifting- it was stupid, and dangerous, and he should scold Tord for even doing this, but…

Edd stared at the dark ceiling. He closed his eyes and imagined being back in the car. It felt bad, but the relief afterwards felt good. Feeling the blood under his skin, and feeling all his joints and limbs tense and relax.

He mashed his head deeper into his pillow. 

Tord was crazy. Edd already knew this. No need to think too hard about this.

-

The next morning, Tord was avoiding his gaze. He was only in the kitchen for a little bit, getting something to eat, but carrying it to his room. Matt and Tom didn't notice anything wrong. This was just normal Tord behavior. So they spoke casually about their plans, and Tom complaining about his work shift at the bar he started at recently- the hours were horrendous, and the pay wasn't the best, but the tips were great and his coworkers were either nice or entertaining. Never both, though.

Edd didn't speak much. And it was a little frustrating that his friends didn't notice either, but he couldn't really expect that from them. They weren't so good at reading people or situations. Or just being observant in general. So he let it slide. He joined Matt on his errands, and let his mind wander. And then he just got swept up in Matt's energy- and he completely forgot that he was feeling apprehensive. 

When he came back home, he greeted Tord normally, who suddenly perked up and smiled, happy that everything seemed to be normal. Edd just remembered a moment later that he was supposed to scold Tord, or at least let him feel the cold shoulder- but in hindsight… it was just a little fun on an empty road. Edd was more mad about the fact that he spent so much time thinking about it at night. And that was mostly his own fault.

Tord didn't bring it up anymore, silently continuing to work at the car. Every now and again Edd would hear the garage door open, and the car move out- usually at night. 

But Edd was better off not investigating.

-

Tom was carefully strumming a song on his guitar, humming the sung melody under his breath.

It was late, late night. Almost morning. Edd was laying on the couch, his hands folded over his chest, and letting himself get serenaded. Tom was leaning against the seat, his head pressing into Edd’s arm. He wasn't drunk, this time around. He was probably awake because he wasn't drunk.

There was a small pause in the music. Edd felt Tom shift. His eyes fluttered open.

Tom was staring straight at him. 

“I thought you were asleep.”

Edd shook his head, closing his eyes once again and pulling his body deeper into the cushions. “I don't think I'll sleep today.”

Tom huffed, resuming his previous position and holding his guitar in his hands. He didn't go back to strumming, though. “Same.”

“What's on your mind?” 

“What's on yours?”

Edd gritted his teeth. He felt as though the only time he was asked that, was when someone wanted to deflect from themselves. “I asked first.”

Tom sighed. “Okay.” He played a simple cord, before slapping his hands over the strings to silence it. “I didn't really mean to live here this long.”

Edd felt his heart drop.

“...With us?”

“I mean, not because of you.” He threw his head back, looking at Edd upside down. “Just in general. I did want to get my own place and all. But I'm… stuck here. And I'm stuck here with Tord.”

“And me, and Matt too.”

“I know, but.” He sighed. “It's… I don't… I don't like him.”

“Shocker-”

“No- man. Listen. Like, actually. I don't like him. I used to, at some point. We were actual friends. Even if we messed with each other, we did like each other, we were just… roughhousing. I guess. But we used to have nice moments.”

Edd went quiet. He wished he could wrestle Tom to the floor and stop him from voicing any of this. He wished Tom and Tord could get over each other, and get over this thing hanging between them. But that was selfish.

“But we're not… we're not family. We're not connected by blood, or even by any government… like… marriage. In the grand scheme of things, the only reason me and Tord are here, together, is because there was a seat open next to me in fifth grade, and he just so happened to sit in it. The only reason I'm suffering here is because I'm too cowardly to leave.”

“...And… you think there's no salvaging?”

“Maybe. But why should I?”

“You two are friends.”

“He hates me.”

“He probably likes you the most out of all of us.”

Tom actually perked up, staring at Edd like he wanted to slap him. “Are you crazy? In what world?”

“It's just Tord. I don't know. He likes you, he can't stop trying to push your buttons. I know it's not nice, but I guess he never grew out of that childish teasing thing.”

“...” Tom looked at the ceiling. He looked tired. He has been looking tired for many years now. Even at his young age. “He makes me feel bad. He makes me bad. I hate who I am around him.”

What else was there to say? A good friend would encourage Tom to leave. A really good friend would make Tord leave. But Edd wanted to be the best friend there is. He wanted them all to be happy together.

“I want to move. Soon.”

There was nothing he could say that wouldn't be selfish. He went with the smaller of many evils. “...Can you play me a song?”

From here, Edd couldn't see his face. He swallowed, and hoped he wasn't angry.

Tom carefully placed his hands on the guitar, and played something hesitant. 

It wasn't a song he knew. Maybe it wasn't a song at all. Tom started humming along, clearly improvised, and Edd listened with apt attention. 

He couldn't help his eyes closing, and his head sinking deeper into the pillow. He never heard the end of the song. 

In the morning, someone had thrown a blanket on top of him. The kitchen door was closed, but he heard the coffee machine working, and voices speaking.

For now, until someone opened the kitchen door, and saw him awake on the couch, he was living in a small dream, where he was living with his friends, and they loved him enough to play a song to help him fall asleep, and close the door to make sure he didn't wake up with the grinding noise of coffee.

-

A few days later, on another sleepless night, Edd thought that he might have to talk to Tom again. 

To think it over- that maybe, Edd could talk to Tord- even if the thought of trying to make Tord understand why he should stop annoying Tom was painful. But there had to be something to be done. He couldn't handle the idea of any of them leaving, with an empty room left behind. Edd wanted them to stay, even if it was for his own, egotistical feelings.

But when he knocked at Tom's door, there was no answer. And when he opened it, to glance inside- there was no one to be seen.

He swallowed dryly. At this late hour, his first thought was that, of course, Tom would leave without saying goodbye. But his eyes scanned over the room and his beloved guitar was still leaning against the wall- and his wallet was bulging with the coin tips he got at the bar.

So… at least 99% sure he didn't just up and leave. He was probably just out on a bender.

Without his wallet. Edd blinked. 

Maybe just on a walk. He closed the door, and tried not to linger on it. 

Maybe he could talk to Tord, then. He could skip the part of trying to convince Tom, and just grab the problem by the root. Maybe, at night, he would be more vulnerable to sentimentalism. 

But Tord was very strict about his room. He hated anyone going, or even looking inside. He went as far as locking it when he was out and about. So when Edd knocked, without answer, and rattled at the door handle, seeing that it was closed, he knew that he couldn't be there.

Kitchen, living room and bathroom were empty. The garage was empty too- but a little too empty.

The car was gone. And the garage door was open.

Edd swallowed again. He felt as though he was presented with some clues he couldn't click together. For a moment, he sank down onto the living room couch, holding his head, his knee jumping up and down- but he bit down hard, and tried to quell the anxiety. It didn't mean anything. Tord liked going out at night. Tom might be on a walk. Maybe he got invited somewhere. Maybe he's sleeping at a girl's place, and he was going to tell them all about it tomorrow. And then Edd would feel stupid for ever worrying about anything at all.

Hesitantly, he got up again. Just for completion's sake, he cracked open the last bedroom door he hadn't tried yet.

Matt was snoring peacefully in his bed. At least it wasn't as though the entire world had forsaken Edd.

He felt childish as he dragged his blanket and pillow along but he couldn't stand the thought of sleeping alone. It was so quiet in his room, and he knew that if he let himself back there, he'd just start overthinking harder.

So he draped himself across Matt's rug, a fluffy synthetic thing that softened the hard floor underneath it. 

It was nice to lay on the floor. Matt's room smelled pleasant too- maybe he needed to clean up his own. Or air it out. There was something embedded in the walls and floors of his own room that made him not want to be there a lot.

With Matt's breathing quieting his own mind, he laid flat on the floor, staring at the pretty ceiling lamp before closing his eyes.

-

Someone was rubbing his shoulder as he woke up.

“I'm going to work, man, you can take the bed.”

His arm was pinned under his body, and when he rolled over, he felt as though there was not a single drop of blood in his limb. 

He groaned, and climbed into the bed that was offered to him, and since he was so tired he didn't feel a shred of embarrassment when he pushed his nose into his friend's pillow. It smelled like the conditioner Edd sometimes stole from Matt. He wondered if he noticed.

The bed was soft, with too many blankets and pillows to count, all of them surrounding Edd to drag him deeper into the mattress.

There was shuffling in the room, Matt searching through clothes, getting slightly desperate as he threw some on the floor.

“What's with this outfit?”

Edd cracked his eyes open. It was a very normal outfit. He tried to voice it, muffled against the pillow.

“You don't sound very happy about it…” Matt frowned, turning back to look at the mirror again. “No, no, maybe you're right.”

Edd's head was pounding. He was woken up from a deep sleep. And he certainly didn't get enough. But slowly, as the commotion in Matt's room didn't let off, he felt too awake to instantly fall asleep again. He let the arm that was pinched numb fall off the bed, in hopes it would get its blood back quicker, and lazily watched Matt tuck his shirt into his pants. He searched the pile on the floor, and got out a sleeveless checkered sweater that he put over the button up.

Matt noticed that Edd was lucid now. “What were you doing here anyway?”

Edd blinked. “Had too many beers, I reckon.”

He moved slowly, and his smile looked perplexed. Edd realized a moment too late that they didn't have any beer in the house, currently. Fortunately for Edd, Matt didn't question it.

“Well, if you drool on my pillowsheet, you better wash it before I come back.”

“Will do.”

Part of him wanted Matt to stay still, and really look at Edd- call him out on his lie, kneel next to the bed and hold his face so he couldn't look away, and ask him what was wrong.

But Matt had to go to work. He grabbed his keys from his side table, ruffled Edd's hair, his hand lingering for just a moment, before swiveling on the spot and closing the door gently behind himself.

Edd's head still hurt. It was really early- well, seven in the morning or something. So even after being woken up, he found it fairly easy to sleep for another two hours.

When he woke up this time, his headache was just a faint pain behind his eyes that he barely acknowledged. He stretched, laid in Matt's bed for a little longer, carefully sliding his hand over the pillow to see if he had drooled on it (he hadn’t) and then, finally, got up and out of bed. 

He made a small detour into his own room, toeing his slippers until they were upright and ready for wear, and then entered the kitchen.

The door was already open, and he found himself frozen in the doorway.

It was the strangest sight in Edd's entire life.

It was as if the sun was shining brightly to light up this day specifically- birdsong was never so beautiful before, and Edd knew for a fact that he recently bought his favorite cereal.

And at the breakfast table, talking quietly and calmly, were Tord and Tom. Their backs were facing Edd, and they hadn't noticed him yet. They spoke so low that he couldn't understand a word, but from the looks of it, it wasn't an argument or even anything hostile.

At one point, Tord put a hand in front of his mouth to giggle, and when Tom turned his head to watch him slump over in a desperate attempt to stifle his laughter, his expression wasn't angry or hurt.

He smiled, almost proudly.

But in the same breath he spotted Edd in his periphery, and when he twitched and turned to properly face him, Tord also noticed his change of demeanor.

“Good morning…” Edd said sceptically, walking over to the cupboards to get out his cereal and bowl.

Tord was staring down at his plate, trying to hide his expression. “Morning.”

Tom just nodded, and there was no trace of his smile left. He looked almost suspicious. Edd knew for a fact that this expression was rarely aimed at anyone other than Tord.

“What's up?” Edd poured his milk, his eyebrows furrowing as he stared at his friends.

“Eh, nothing much.” Tord finally looked up, and his face didn't betray anything. “I'm probably going out today.”

“You've been working on the car a lot,” Edd commented neutrally.

Tom twitched and seemed to look even more nervous. Tord had something manic in his eyes. “It's been fun,” he said, simply.

“So, are you in a good mood or…”

“Yeah. Yeah, I guess so.” He grinned. Tom seemed more and more tense with every word. 

“I'm going to the bathroom.” Tom got up without much further explanation, and Tord watched him go with amusement. The door to the bathroom closed, and Edd and Tord locked eyes once again.

“Seriously,” Edd asked. “What's up?”

“What?” He furrowed his brows.

“With you and Tom.”

“Nothing?” He picked up his empty plate and walked over to the sink, rinsing it before picking up the sponge. 

“I mean, you guys are… weirdly nice.”

“Didn't you want that?”

Edd did. And maybe he was just supposed to be happy about it. He watched Tord prop up his plate so the water could drip off and dry properly.

But watching them kind of snap into an amicable relationship after years and years of fighting was just- unnerving.

Tord opened the cupboard and held out a spoon towards Edd. “Your cereal’s getting soggy.”

Edd hesitantly took it. “...Thanks.”

“Don't worry. Me and Thomas will be fighting again in no time.”

Edd frowned as Tord left the kitchen as well.

Were they drunk? On drugs? Did they finally succeed at beating each other half to death, and were dealing with brain damage now? 

It was just too absurd.

…He felt bad that he could only imagine them getting along if they were intoxicated or impaired. But especially after what Tom had told him, in such a vulnerable moment.

They were odd. Because by all accounts, by their own words, by their actions that proved what everyone knew, Tom and Tord hated each other.

A horrible dynamic that made Edd very anxious, knowing that some words dug deeper than they might know. Or- maybe they did know, and it was supposed to be a twisting knife.

So what was this? He didn't understand why they just didn't tell him.

He ate his cereal and wondered how long this would go on for.

-

It was absurd and it didn't stop.

Tord did tell the truth- him and Tom started fighting again not long after. Somehow it was way more heated than before. They yelled louder and hit harder, and at night Edd would hear the garage door open, the car doors slam shut like Tord was trying to scrape it off its hinges, and the next morning Tom and Tord would just be back to- not normal. Back to abnormal.

Edd knew he hadn't seen the two of them get along so well since they were kids. Suddenly all the teasing and the jabs, they had a sickly sweet undertone, everything said through mischievous smiles and bared teeth grins. Everytime Tord walked up to Tom, putting his hands on his shoulders, Edd felt himself flinch in anticipation- but Tom would just turn around with a smile. 

But just as they all got used to it, this abnormality, something would twist and split between them, and suddenly Tom was fighting Tord to the ground as if he wanted the bruises to last.

And then it started all over.

One evening, Edd blearily left his room, a nap gone wrong, waking up way later than he intended to. The plan was to get a glass of water and maybe something small to eat, and then spend the night wide awake and reading something or playing games or- whatever he came up with.

In the living room, he saw Tord and Tom on the couch. Tom, peacefully snoring, his head on Tord's lap.

Edd froze for a moment. His friend looked up from where he had been staring at Tom, his fingers combing through his hair. 

A moment of silence passed.

“...He looks kind of sweet when he's not doing those angry eyebrows.” He smoothed his thumb over Tom's eyebrows, forcing them to relax and even out. “You agree?”

“Sure.” He approached, carefully, sitting down next to Tord. His friend was drooling slightly in his sleep. “Did something happen?”

“No,” Tord said quickly.

“But-”

“You wanted me and Tom to stop fighting. We did. Kind of. We're just being your good friend and following your wishes.”

Edd grit his teeth. He wanted to say but you're not good friends, and it would be just a little too harsh. But at the very least he knew that they weren't selfless enough to get over their arguments just to appease Edd.

Edd should really just be happy. He was, to some degree. It was really nice to see his friends getting along.

But at the same time, it was unnerving. Edd had always imagined that they'd come around to liking each other, but it always played out differently in his head. Somehow, he always imagined that he would've played a big role in their reconciliation. He imagined deliberate plans of road trips, and life changing travels- or otherwise, he'd imagine that it would be laughably easy to trace why the relationship had changed. Maybe, if they were in an elevator that was stuck for twelve hours, and came out holding onto each other. 

Stuff like that.

But Edd didn't know why they were friendly with each other. And from the sound of it, they weren't planning on telling him.

There were all these strange things, coming together to form some sinister truth that Edd couldn't grasp.

Even when they were good, at least in front of Edd and Matt, they were covered in small bruises- they were speaking to each other with only their eyes, stopping it all once they saw Edd paying attention to them. They were very obviously hiding something and- well, usually at least one of them would tell Edd! 

He was this close- really, a hair width of restraint- to locking them all in a room and refusing to let them out until they told him what was going on. He actually thought how he could pull it off for longer than he should've.

And then he realized that he should probably get a second opinion.

-

When Tom was at work, and Tord holed up in his room, Edd went to seek out their fourth roommate. 

Matt was in the living room, lounging on the couch and barely acknowledging Edd as he walked in.

“Hey.”

He briefly looked over, nodding.

Edd hoped he would've picked up on the energy he was bringing into the room, but then again, that might be a high ask from any of the guys he was living with. 

“Have you noticed anything about Tord and Tom?”

Matt seemed slightly more curious now, his eyes staying a moment longer on Edd before focusing back on the TV. “They aren't as annoying lately. They get along again, that's nice.”

“I think they're hiding something from us.”

Matt turned the TV a little quieter. He looked over, cocking his head in confusion. 

“Like… a surprise?”

“No. No I think…” That was the problem. Edd had no idea what to think. “Sometimes- ah, I don't know. It's like they have inside jokes or something, but they're not jokes. Like- just, secrets I guess.”

Matt turned his head back to the TV. Edd could tell he wasn't watching, though, his jaw silently working in thought. “They do look at each other weird sometimes.”

“...right.”

“Yeah, actually.” Matt sat up straighter, as if he had recontextualized something in his mind. “Sometimes when I walk into a room, they whisper to each other before they realize I'm there. And then they kind of act as if it didn't happen.”

“Right!” Edd’s eyes widened. He was glad someone got it too. “And Tord is so- casual about it, while Tom never says a word.”

Matt nodded excitedly. “And they keep giving each other bedroom eyes.”

Edd's smile froze. “Huh?”

“You know, Tord eyeing Tom up and down, Tom looking away-”

“It's not… well. What?”

“Tom hasn't told Tord to put on a shirt in a while.”

“But- true, yeah, but-”

“And!” Matt put a finger up, properly invested now. “I always wondered in what kind of fights they'd have to get into, for those kinds of bruises but-”

Edd put a hand over his forehead. “The bruises on their necks…” He sunk into the sofa as if he was going to faint.

“Well, you know.” Matt shrugged. “Lately Tom's room has been weirdly quiet. I thought he was just going to bed early but he's probably… spending his time elsewhere.”

“And Tord is always so insistent on no one entering his room…”

“And they've been getting weirdly giddy when I tell them we're going out.”

They were both staring at the ceiling. 

“Wow.”

They took a deep breath together. Edd felt like he needed a beer.

It made a lot more sense than- well, Edd thought that maybe they killed a guy together and bonded through the guilt. Or maybe they started hardcore drugs and had to hide it from their roommates. Some horrific kind of secret. But no. They were getting it on. Which was somehow more shocking than the idea that they might've killed someone. 

“I need a beer.”

“Get me one too.”

Sitting with the realization and a beer, Edd seemed to get through the initial shock. If he really thought about it, it made kind of sense. They seemed to have frustrations they had to vent, and they used to do that by arguing. And they likely just found another, better output.

But at the same time, something like this just seemed like a horrible idea altogether.

“So what do we do?”

Matt swirled the beer in his bottle around. “Huh? I'm not doing anything.”

Edd ground his teeth together. It just wasn't something that could end well, ever. It would be better if someone stepped up for damage control before it was too late. “We should talk to them.”

“Hell no. They can deal with that themselves.” 

They were both so callous- unable to really listen to others, hotheaded and quick to anger. It was such a bad combination for such an intimate relationship. “If they… I feel like they will really hurt each other.”

Matt played with the remote, snapping his nail over one of the buttons. He looked like he was just slightly upset. “Let them. You're not their mom, are you?” 

“Of course not.” He crossed his arms. “But I care about them. Isn't it right to tell them that they're doing something bad?”

Matt sharply breathed in through his teeth. “You don't know that.”

“I actually do know that.”

“Well, they're grown-ups, Edd. They're going to make their mistakes.”

“But this is a horrible mistake.”

“... They're not going to listen to you anyway.” And that was the first point Matt made that he actually agreed with. He had nothing to add. “They'll do what they want. And it might be a mistake. Hey, for all we know- they might not even be… y'know. Together.”

Edd glared at nothing in particular. He hated when Matt was right. “I feel like it will be very hard to miss now.”

-

The two never brought it up, but through underhand jabs from Matt and Edd, and unfortunately finding them scrambling to put their pants on when Edd came back earlier from his work shift than anticipated in the living room, on the couch, that Edd immediately wanted to deep clean-

It was an open secret.

To some degree, it was sweet, actually. As absurd as the whole thing was. Tom could be strangely romantic. At least Edd assumed so, when he heard him playing a song for Tord in his room, their soft voices carrying through the walls.

But… it was difficult not to feel nervous. Edd didn't know if they had an actual thing going on, or if this was purely for fun. With the two of them, though, no matter what they did, it would always be intense. Tom had a good heart, kind of, in the sense where he cared a lot, a lot, to the point where he'd get so emotionally invested that you could easily rile him up with a misplaced comment. Tord on the other hand was a brick wall, and you couldn't strangle a genuine conversation out of him. 

It was a horrible mix. Edd was half convinced that they were going to kill each other one day.

But life did go on. Edd felt himself melt into this new routine, of Tord and Tom switching between honeymoon phase and divorce every other week. He got into the routine of switching jobs every time he despaired at his last one, the art of never committing and always moving.

Matt actually stayed working at the same office, being invited to Christmas parties that he always took one of them to, telling tales of the same old coworkers that Edd seemed to know everything about, even though he might've spent ten minutes talking to the actual people in total, and a rather stable and comfortable stance in life.

Tom switched to a bar that paid him more, but the hours were still horrendous- but he did like the tips and the coworkers. Edd liked coming over when he was working for a free drink, and sitting with Tom as he was finishing his shift so they'd spend the night together, stumbling back home and holding onto each other. When he got drunk it was as if his sense for endurance was just gone, and he could probably walk across the globe like this- and the commute Tom took home was skipped, in favor of their drunken walk home, singing into each other's ears and staring at cats sleeping in windows.

It was nicest in the winter, when it was horribly cold, but Edd felt warmed by the alcohol, and there were lights hanging everywhere, as if the country was trying to light the depressive dark away. Edd would always hold onto Tom a little tighter, who wouldn't comment on it, too drunk to care, and their warm breaths were visible in the air, twining together before dissipating into nothing.

Tord… didn't work. He did pay utilities, but it wasn't as if he ever left the house for a job. 

He told them that he was mostly selling blueprints, stuff for 3d printers that he programmed- he didn't even have a 3d printer- and the more Edd listened to it, the more he felt like Tord was making his living by selling scams.

But he was paying the bills, so who was he to question it?

Edd kind of wished he could live so carefree that he would just sell intangible things to strangers whose faces he'd never see, and voices and complaints he'd never hear. An entirely passive exchange, happening in a room he didn't have to be in.

Instead he was standing at the cash register to a grocery store, pulling stuff over a scanner and listening to his customers huff and puff about prices.

He always nodded sympathetically. “I can hardly afford any of this myself,” he'd say, laughing, reading the total with the smile still audible in his voice.

“It is a rotten world, after all,” Tord said after he complained to him about it. “One day we'll have to eat the money because there's nothing else left.”

“Pff, okay.” 

He'd have his phases of being edgy and pessimistic. Edd tended not to complain to him about things unless he wanted to wallow a little in his sadness. Tord was good at that- giving space to be upset, and get as upset as he always wanted to be.

But generally Edd liked being positive so he mostly avoided that.

Matt had this way of complaining that was dramatic and flourishing, but he didn't seem to be truly affected by it. When he got really taken aback by something, he'd try to avoid it until he ended up breaking down in tears at the breakfast table. And even then, he'd start laughing at himself for crying, face up to the ceiling so the tears wouldn't keep flowing.

Tom was harder to crack, and the only times he'd speak about something close to his heart was- either when he was drunk, or so exhausted that the words just kept tumbling out. Edd thought he probably heard most of it. Tom was scared that he was stagnant in his life, that he reached the end of his potential, that he was going to work at the bar until he died, and he'd never get married-

“I didn't take you to be the type to care. I never knew you wanted to get married.”

Tom handed the vodka bottle to Edd, who hesitantly took a tiny sip. It was a warm night out, and they were sitting on the steps to their house. “I mean- I don't. Or I do but-” he buried his face in his knees. “A little bit.”

“Who would you want to marry?” He watched Tom sit in silence. Edd wasn't drunk- buzzed at best. But Tom was totally gone. “...please don't say Tord.”

Tom sunk deeper into his knees. He remained silent.

“Tom.”

“A little bit.” Muffled, into his knees.

“Oh my god.”

“He's just-” he hunched over, holding his face in despair. “It's just a fantasy.”

“You two are… not compatible.”

“He knows me. He can make me laugh and when I'm upset he- he tries, at least, you know? And he cheers me up.” He rubbed his eyes. “When it's good it's good.” 

“And when it's bad…” When it was bad, Tord was the one making Tom upset. Worse than anything else ever made Tom upset. It was hard to say who was the worse one out of both of them, but Tord always started it, and Tom always escalated it. It was like they played roles, and they played them really well.

“If I just stopped letting myself get… provoked. We'd be so good.”

“Maybe.” Although Edd doubted this was something they could erase from their personalities. 

“He's really sweet sometimes, y'know?”

“...”

“He's careful. When we're good, he's careful. About what he says, how he touches me-”

“I don't have to hear about that.”

Tom finally laughed, broken from his sentimental spell. “Fair enough.”

“I love you guys but… don't get married, please.”

Tom leaned far back, laying across the steps, holding himself up with his elbow. He stared at the house across the street, or maybe the sky above it. Edd couldn't quite tell. “I keep thinking… something crazy. Like, eloping. Moving to a different country. Maybe we go to Paris, and live in a small room together. And we just keep bumping into each other while we get ready in the morning. But it's funny. And we're living off of cheap wine and bread. But it's funny. And we're happy.”

“...” So even in Tom's perfect fantasy, there was no space for his other friends. Edd swallowed, and he didn't want to reply because it would just be bitter and mean. But the silence stretched. “You know Paris smells like piss.”

Tom laughed and hit his shoulder. Edd hit him back, light and sweet, and Tom retaliated by wrestling him into a headlock. Just to give up almost immediately, putting his head on top of Edd’s chest while he was laughing. Carefree, his sorrows gone for a moment.

Edd put his hands on Tom's shoulders, and the stairs were digging into his back. He was staring at the dark sky, moths flying around the porch light in directionless circles. 

His eyes caught onto them, following them for a little while. He felt like he wouldn't be able to sleep tonight.

-

Every nice thing had to end. As did every bad, or absurd thing.

Edd was coming home from work, a few months after the conversation he had with Tom on the porch. He saw the garage door open- Tord's car gone.

It was deathly quiet inside the house, and Edd already felt the thick atmosphere as he toed off his shoes, advancing further into the hallway.

It was evening, and the sun was setting, so there was very little light coming into the hallway, but even so, as he stepped into the living room, he quickly spotted something out of the corner of his eye.

Tom was sitting in the kitchen, hunched over and drinking. Edd took a step forward, and heard something crunch under his shoes- prompting him to turn on the light, and Tom to whip around.

In the bright light, Tom looked like a deer in headlights.

The kitchen surrounding him was covered in broken glass and ceramics. Tom stuttered for a moment.

“Sorry, I was gonna clean it up-”

“Wh-” Edd burst out with a laugh, hysteric and high strung. “What happened?”

“...I dropped them.”

It must've been… probably a few plates, and two or three glasses that were broken. Strewn about the entire room, as if they were thrown and not dropped.

“Dropped them?!” Edd watched Tom try to get up, only wearing his socks. “Sit down, oh my god, I'll get your shoes.”

That's how the two of them ended up picking up the large pieces off the floor, and trying to sweep the rest- until they realized that the broom didn't pick up on the tiny pieces, and they just vacuumed the entire kitchen. The entire time, Tom did not elaborate on anything that had happened- even as Matt came back from work, his eyes moving between Edd and Tom, sensing the obvious tension. Edd just shrugged his shoulders, because there wasn't much he could explain. 

“I'll go replace the stuff… uh. So. I'll be off.”

“Replace what?” Matt muttered, too quiet to really get Tom's attention. “And where's Tord?”

Tom actually froze at that, and they only saw his back- his shoulders coming up to his ears, before he let them drop. “How should I know?”

And then it was just the two of them, standing in a kitchen that finally had its floor cleaned after a little too long going without. 

There was nothing left to do about it. Edd told Matt what he'd seen, and they both sat quietly in the living room, watching TV- letting the sound rain over them, white noise in the background.

Their conversations were quiet and subdued. Matt told him about his day at work, and Edd went over his own. There was a distinct lack of tone in their voices, and they both sensed the impending doom on the horizon. And Edd thought, if even Matt was so painfully aware of it, it has to be something bad.

Time moved forward, and they hit the horizon. The garage door closed with a bang, and Tord stomped into the hallway.

Edd jumped up. He caught Tord at the entrance, clearly beelining for his room. “Hey.”

“Not now.” Tord walked around him, expression blank.

“What happened?”

“Ask Thomas.”

“I did, he didn't say.” Edd had to turn around to keep facing Tord. 

“Too bad.”

His door slammed shut. Edd stood in front of it for a moment. He heard the lock click, too.

“...I guess it'll be another secret,” Matt said.

Edd wanted to strangle everyone involved.

-

He could hear himself when he said this, and he could admit that he sounded a little neurotic: everyone in this house was keeping secrets from Edd and had it out for him specifically.

Tom was barely talking lately, angrily staring into the distance and seemingly completely lost in thoughts. There was something… of course, that thing with him and Tord was evergreen. But it was worse now, something that was clearly nagging at him. The renewed honeymoon phase never came. Instead he kept Tord at an arms length, avoiding him like all hell. Despite it, he didn't go to Edd to talk about it.

Then there was Tord, the other half of the problem- he never adjusted his behavior around Tom, it was just Tom that avoided him, or left the room. But nowadays Tord seemed to spend even more time holed up in his room, coming out sweaty and exhausted. And a stench or motor oil coming off of him. He barely spoke a word, but if you talked to him it was as if nothing was going on. He responded casually and even politely (for Tord's standards) and joined Matt and Edd every now and again for movie nights. It was as if everything was normal, as if nothing was going on at all; Tord was just working on a project. But Edd could tell that there was something under the surface.

But for Tom and Tord to be acting weird was sort of expected. They were going through an argument, and probably much more than that-

But Matt.

Edd genuinely couldn't believe that Matt of all people would also be hiding secrets, and such glaring ones at that. 

All Edd knew was that it had something to do with Tord.

There were moments where Matt was staring a little expectantly- or sadly- or god forbid, longingly- at Tord, his mouth curling into a frown. He got quiet when Tord talked sometimes, staring at him as if he was anticipating something else.

Edd had walked in once to see Matt leaning his head against his shoulder, and Tord laughing at whatever he had said, shushing him in this mocking manner. Matt didn't move when he noticed Edd, and his expression was grave and unhappy.

Maybe Tord missed what he had with Tom and looked for comfort elsewhere. (Somehow ending up with Matt?!) But there was nothing implying anything of the sort. No secretive giggling or looks of that caliber. If anything, Matt looked like he was getting ready for Tord’s funeral.

“Are you dying?”

Tord looked up from his phone, staring at Edd as if he was crazy. “...What?”

“...of this boredom!” Edd laughed loudly and way too hard. “Whew, it is so boring, I think I'm dying!”

Tord slowly leaned forward, his face on his palm. “I'm bored too.” His mouth curled into a smile. “Very bored.”

There was a clue in there, Edd thought. He looked blankly and deeply into his eyes, trying to figure out the underlying message.

But Tord just blinked, and moved away. Whatever he had been trying to tell him, was gone.

-

When he did confront Matt, it was very spontaneous and unplanned. He just felt all of the anxiety build up in his body, and with it came a ton of energy he had to use- and he did use it, to jitter over to his roommate. 

Matt was in his own room, getting ready for work, and Edd knocked on the doorframe and let himself in.

Matt turned away from his mirror, a nod towards Edd.

“I have a question.”

He looked a little more apprehensive now. His hands fell from his hair, and he twisted shut the product he was using to style it. Edd quietly clicked the door shut, and even quieter, and fiddled inconspicuously with the lock. 

“What question?” Matt's voice was flat. Maybe he already had an idea what Edd was thinking about.

“What did Tord tell you?”

“Wh- hah, what do you mean?” He was trying to look casual as he turned away to sling his bag over his shoulder.

“Tord's acting weird and distant, and you know why.”

“I don't.”

He moved towards Edd, and noticed that he was blocking the door- glaring at him from below his eyebrows, and still going for the door handle.

He rattled at it. It didn't open. 

“Edd.”

Edd felt the key to the door warm up between his palm. 

“Edd,” he rubbed his hands over his face, groaning in frustration. “I have to catch my bus in 20 minutes, I'll be late for work.”

“Just answer, then.”

“That's unfair, you know that's unfair.”

“What's unfair is that you are keeping secrets from me.”

“It's not my secret to keep!” His voice went up in pitch, and Edd knew that if he actually kept Matt here to miss his bus, and be late to his job, and get written up- he probably wouldn't forgive him very easily.

Edd knew he wasn't being the good guy here.

“Just tell me. I won't tell him that I know. I just- Just tell me. And I'll let you go. Promise.”

Matt looked upset. And later Edd would feel really bad for that- for any of it, really. But right now, he felt righteous and reasonable. “You're being crazy.”

“I am crazy. Because no one is- because everyone knows something. Except me.”

Matt was breathing deeply. His eyes moved around, thinking, or nervous, and his palms were balled into fists. “Tom doesn't know.”

“He knows something.”

Matt was staring at the floor. His resolve cracked. Edd could tell, by the way his shoulders slumped.

“Tord's moving out. In a week.”

Edd straightened up. He didn't feel anything at all, in those first few moments. “Sorry?”

“Tord's moving out. The only reason he told me is because the lease is under my name. And he wanted to make sure that there'd be no issues. When he leaves.”

Edd smiled, perplexed. “Sorry, again?”

“Give me the key, please.”

Edd gave it mindlessly. He even stepped aside to let Matt open it, and pocket the key. 

“Matt, you're kidding.”

“No. I mean. He's pretty serious. He told me that he has a place somewhere already.”

“Why- why wouldn't he tell me? Why- I mean-” 

If anyone was going to move, it was Tom. And Edd had been so careful with Tom, keeping an eye on him, making sure he stayed. He felt dizzy.

“I don't know why. He only told me so there wouldn't be any issues. If he had it his way, he'd leave without a word.”

“But why?” 

“He didn't tell me.”

Edd wanted to shake Matt until he had an answer. How could he have even gotten that far without- reading between the lines of what Tord was telling him? Pestering him, worrying about him until he got answers? Why were all of them so fine with things just happening to each other?

“Don't look at me like that.” Matt turned, and searched through his bag to make sure that everything was in there. “He's his own, grown person. It's not like he's going to drive off a cliff, okay? He's still alive, and he's just moving out.”

Matt was moving slowly, and Edd could see the apprehension on his face. 

He stormed out of the room. Rationally, of course Matt was right. But there was a reason Tord would leave like this. With animosity. And Edd wasn't egomaniacal enough to imagine that every issue on the planet could be fixed by him but- at least let a man know.

He beelined for Tord's room. He heard Matt behind him, protesting, because Edd had promised after all- but he drowned it out with his knocks on Tord's door, and Tord's confused face appearing through the crack.

“What's up-”

“You're leaving,” Edd said, pushing into his room. Tord took a step back, watching Edd stand there, in the doorway. Matt was behind him. “Why?”

“...” His eyes moved from Edd, to Matt. Back to Edd. “No one can keep a secret these days.”

“I'm sorry, he locked me in my room-”

Tord waved him off. He crossed his arms, looking at the frantic Edd in front of him. They both noticed Tom slowly padding into the hallway, likely checking out what the commotion is- but he probably won't come too close.

“So, what is it?” Edd said. “Did we do something?”

Tom was right there- Edd knew it, he could hear his quiet footsteps. 

Tord held his hand up. His eyes were closed as he shook his head. “What do you think I'm doing?”

“Why don't you tell me?! That's what I've been trying to figure out all this time.”

“I'm leaving in a week,” Tord said, plainly. “You won't have to worry about me anymore.”

“What do you mean, you're leaving?”

Tom was behind Edd, and then he was in front of him, crowding Tord further into his room. 

“I'm moving out.”

“Why didn't you tell us?”

“Why should I?” Tord took a step forward. “It's like a surprise party for you. A birthday present.” He was smiling now, and Edd knew that he was going to have to pick up the pieces of the ensuing argument again.

“Guys, please just-”

“This is why I can't fucking stand you.” Tom dug his finger into his chest. “You can't say anything to save your life, you always expect people to just go along with whatever bullshit you come up with. You-”

Tord grabbed his finger. “Well, don't worry about it anymore.” His voice was even. “I'm leaving. One more week.”

“Stop saying that, you liar.”

“I already have a new place.”

Edd could see Tom trembling in anger. A moment earlier he felt so overcome by emotion, by anger and hurt, but now it just felt so small next to these two.

“But why didn't you say anything?!”

“...why do you care? We're not friends.”

Tom shoved him. 

Hard enough that he stumbled into the desk behind him, the small things on top of them shivering and falling over, a pen rolling off to the floor. Tord looked genuinely surprised for a moment, more confused than anything else.

Then, his expression changed to anger. 

Edd could observe it for a split second, before his entire face became a blur,  as he launched himself towards Tom. They both fell over with a painful thud, and Edd scrambled back, stumbling into Matt who grabbed his sleeve as if he was scared that he was going to leave him here alone.

Tord wasn't speaking, his teeth gritted together as he rained his fist down to hit Tom in the face, one, two, three times, a crack accompanying every hit. Edd felt frozen, the moment passing by so quickly that he felt unable to react at all.

When Tord clasped his hands around Tom's neck, squeezing as hard as he could, Edd felt himself spring back into action. 

He grabbed Tord, trying to pull him away- and usually when he intervened, either of them would take it as their cue to give it up. But Tord was fighting against him, pulling his body towards Tom to keep choking him out. Tom was clawing at his wrist, his legs scrambling beneath him, blindly kicking out- wriggling around to get out of the grasp, and being half-successful.

Matt finally came to help too, pressing his thumbs painfully into Tord's wrists to make him loosen his grip, and like a domino reaction, Tom managed to break free, kicking Tord's knee as he crawled away, and Tord being flung backwards as Edd still tried to pull him off.

Edd was sitting flat on his ass, his arms tightly wrapped around Tord's middle. Tom was heaving and coughing on the floor, and if Edd hadn't been holding Tord, he would've gone over to make sure that he was okay.

Matt was the only person standing, right in the middle between all of it- and he took a deep, deep breath, the panic clear in his shaking hands. And he-

“I'm going to work.”

Left. Stepping over Tom to leave, his voice weak and scared. 

They heard the front door open and shut. 

Tom was still on the floor, still making small painful noises, almost like he wasn't quite there. Tord had gone still against his chest, holding onto his wrists like he was thinking about getting them off of him.

It was scary to watch Tom move. Shakily push himself up, trying his best to put one foot to the floor and make the other one follow, dizzy on his feet, holding onto the wall as he stumbled out-

Tord slumped even harder, as if getting Tom out of his sight physically relaxed him. Like this, he managed to slip out from Edd's arms, and he stomped to his bed without turning to face him even once.

He laid down, on his side, looking at the wall. Edd stared at him a moment longer. His heart was beating out of his chest, and it was dawning on him that this was his fault, that he escalated the situation when he didn't have to. But at the same time-

Why did they have to be like this? Why were they so damn good at all the things that made Edd upset? He looked at Tord's shaking body, and got up to close the door to his room. 

Suddenly, the thought that he would leave in a week left him with relief, and Edd immediately tried to bury that feeling away.

The bathroom door was open. Tom was kneeling in front of the toilet, his hands crossed over the back of his head, and his arms resting on the toilet seat. He wasn't puking, but he was weakly wailing into the toilet bowl. 

There were droplets of blood on the floor. Edd stepped around them.

“I can't believe- I can't believe he's leaving.” Tom sounded congested, either from crying, or the blood pouring out of his nose. “Why would he…”

All feelings of sympathy drained from Edd. He didn't know why- maybe it was all just too much. Maybe after being so strung up, caring so badly what was happening to his friends, he suddenly couldn't muster more than a tired glare. 

“I think your nose is broken,” he said. “I'll take you to the hospital.”

Broken nose, split eyebrow, beaten blue and purple, fingerprints around his neck- and he probably had a concussion. Edd didn't think he saw him cry since someday a long time ago, where he got so drunk he couldn't hold the liquor or the waterworks.

Tom didn't reply to that, continuing to dry heave into the toilet. Edd marched back to Tord's room, and he felt besides himself, like there was a machine piloting his body. It felt nice to settle into the back of his own mind. 

“I'm taking your car to take Tom to the hospital.”

Tord twitched- curled further into himself. But he didn't turn in bed, and didn't say a word. Which was fine, because Edd would've ignored it. He grabbed his keys and there was no further protest.

He didn't quite know how he managed to gather Tom up in his arms, and help him stumble to the car. Or how he even drove to the hospital. His mind blinked through it all, through Tom's painful groaning and sniffing, asking Edd repeatedly about Tord, if he was really going-

Edd remained silent. His jaw was set, his teeth pushed together hard to a point that it hurt. He hasn't driven a car in ages, but he somehow just slid into it, his phone speaker telling him which way to turn to the closest hospital.

He blinked and he was standing at the reception to the hospital, Tom heavily leaning against him.

“My friend was in a fight,” he said flatly. “I think he has a broken nose.”

The receptionist nodded and clicked on the keyboard and then looked up with a pitying smile. “Might take a while. The waiting room’s over there.”

“Thanks.”

So they sat there. Next to a woman clutching her stomach, tears in the corners of her eyes, and a guy that looked high out of his mind, staring blankly into the air.

Tom didn't look better. He had toilet paper stuffed into his nose, saturated in blood. Edd didn't remember if he or Tom had done that, in their hurry to leave the house. His nose looked a little crooked. Actually, Edd didn't want to look at him at all. The doctor would do that, and tell Edd in detail what to do.

But for now Tom was leaning against Edd, desperate for his friend to console him through this. Edd still found he couldn't speak to Tom. Not even out of anger. Maybe out of shame. But he tried going through the motion of what he'd usually do, and reached down to intertwine their hands. 

His thumb brushed over Tom's skin, and his friend shuddered, pushing his bloodied face into his shoulder.

They waited four hours at the hospital. They drove home in complete silence.

-

The week leading up to Tord leaving was horrible, and for the first time in his life, Edd volunteered to pick up extra shifts at work.

Matt was angry at Edd, but more so just scared, so he did overtime at the office and got takeout before going home, spending as little time as possible outside his room. After day 3, he finally seemed to fold, going into Edd's room to exist in each other's spaces without saying much. It didn't feel right to speak about it while Tord was actively working towards leaving. And besides- there wasn't much to say.

Tord himself was usually locked up in his room, or out for a late night ride. Edd considered for a long time if he should finally break the silence between them, and ask if he could come along- but Tord gave no indication that he wanted to speak to any of them, so Edd accepted it.

Tom… was more away than he was home. Edd could squeeze out of him that he was going home with whatever coworker he was sharing his work shift with, just to sleep on their couch for a few hours, and then he'd just hit the town and do anything he’d come up with. He didn't sleep well at all, and Edd could tell, so he forced him to come home over the phone, for at least one proper night's sleep.

But even when he was at home, he similarly just stayed in his room. Everyone was avoiding each other. The house felt like a cesspool, or a cold war operation.

The days were passing torturously slow.

-

Tomorrow Tord was going to leave.

He had stuff- essentials- packed up in boxes, just enough to fit in his beat up car. In the trunk, the back seats, the passenger seat- Edd silently helped him carry them to his car when he saw them piled up in front of his door, and Tord walking back and forth, one box at a time.

He hadn't thanked him for it, but he did let Edd into his space with ease, working together in silent tandem. 

In the end, they sat on the floor of the garage, leaning against the car and staring at the street through the open garage door. Tord lit up a cigarette, and Edd passively watched the smoke curl.

“You act like I'm killing myself.” 

Edd blinked. “What do you mean?”

Tord puffed and laughed. “You look at me like I'm going to be buried tomorrow. I'm just somewhere else.”

“You'll move out. I'm sad about that.”

“Aw, do you like me?” He cocked his head.

“Yeah. You're my friend.”

Tord's smile became a little awkward at that, and he skillfully covered up the silence with a cough. “Didn't you always know that we won't live together for the rest of our lives?”

Edd pulled his lips into a flat line. He didn't respond.

“We're just four random guys. The fact that we went on to live together for so long is weird in general.”

“It's not weird. We're friends. We're all friends.”

“One of us was bound to settle down one day.”

“Us? Are you sure?”

“...That's how life goes.”

Edd leaned forward. “That's why you're leaving? You wanna be the first?”

He responded confidently. “I don't care about that. And before you ask, it's not because of Tom either. Or Matt, or you. I just wanna get a job. A real one. And do something. Something real. Okay? That's all.”

His voice was quiet. A little too vulnerable. “This isn't real?”

Tord didn't look at him. He took another drag of his cigarette, and his eyes moved over the busy walls of the garage. “No.” He sighed, and held out his cigarette for Edd. “Yes, we're friends, good friends. But I don't want to do the same thing for the rest of my life.”

Edd carefully took the cigarette. He never smoked before in his life. Tord had offered before, but every time Edd refused.

It felt different now. He lifted it to his lips, and tried to remember the taste of the smoke in his mouth. He didn't drag it in deep, but he felt his throat get dry.

The smoke escaped through his lips. 

“But you promise it's not because of us?”

“Yeah.” He finally faced Edd again, taking his cigarette back. He grinned, all his teeth on display. His eyes crinkled, almost shut from how big his smile was. “Promise.”

Edd slid along the car, leaning on Tord. Usually he'd push him off, but he let it happen this time. “Why didn't you tell us that you were moving, though?”

“Did you see how Matt was acting the whole time? Or how Tom reacted? How you're acting? I just… I don't know if I could've handled that for a whole month.”

Edd hummed. Tord was the type of guy to get flustered- uncomfortable, really- over this type of attention. And as unfair as it felt, Edd wasn't about to start an argument with him the day before he left.

“You'll call me, won't you?”

The impossible- Tord leaned back into Edd. “Let me settle in first. I'll call eventually. Don't worry about it.” For a moment, they made eye contact, Tord unable to choose if he was looking into Edd's left or right eye. “Don't worry.”

“I won't.” Edd whispered back.

The moment passed. The air was thick between them. The cicadas were loud outside, announcing hotter days to come.

Tord leaned back, and got up. He stretched his arms over his head. “I need to rest up. I'll head out early, tomorrow.”

“Right.” Edd got up as well, fiddling with his hands. “So…”

“Sleep well.”

“Ah, Tord-” he held out his hand before Tord could even begin leaving. “Just, in case I'm still asleep when you leave. Could you wake me up?”

In the silence, the endless space between them- the open garage door letting in the warmth of the night, faintly, children down the street shouting, faintly, Edd remembering their own childhoods, chasing after his friends, these friends, all of them in his grasp for one more night and then never again- 

He almost expected Tord to say no.

“Of course, Edd.” He walked backwards, maintaining eye contact, before standing by the garage door. He closed it, and stood by the door to the hallway. 

His hand was on the door handle.

“I'd like to see you before I leave.”

-

Edd didn't have to worry whether he'd sleep through Tord's departure. He kept waking up multiple times throughout the night, checking the clock frantically every time.

It was too early to be up, but he figured he wouldn't sleep peacefully anyway. He got up, and stood in the middle of the kitchen, before he got to work.

He fried bacon in the pan, and eggs sunny side up in another, and even though he had to multitask, it was calming to stand here alone so early, all by himself.

By the time he was almost done, Matt had shuffled into the kitchen, wearing his pajamas and slippers, barely lifting his feet off the floor. He said a quick greeting to Edd, but remained silent otherwise. He sat at the table, lifting his feet up onto his chair, so he could wrap his arms around his legs. 

He looked ready to fall asleep.

And then, perfectly, when Edd had served the food on four plates, Tord walked in, already fully dressed. He paused as he saw the other two, hands stopped in motion.

“Good morning…?”

“I made us breakfast.” 

“Hah.” Tord looked vaguely- touched? Uncomfortable? Either way, he sat down next to Matt, his leg jumping up and down in nervous anticipation. It was probably the first time Edd has actually seen him react properly to the fact that he would be moving out, his face a little paler than usual.

Edd put three of the plates on the table, leaving the fourth one on the counter for now. Tord looked a little queasy now, but he still stuck his fork into the egg yolk- watching it bleed yellow over his plate- and liking the fork clean.

Edd only started eating when Matt and Tord did, all of them silently. It was good. He was scared that he oversalted the egg. But everyone was eating happily, no one reaching for pepper or salt. Or curling their faces in disgust.

Actually, Matt's face did curl. A big frown on his face, his nose wrinkling. Tears in his eyes even. And then he sniffed, and the tears kept running down his cheeks.

“What?” Was his breakfast so disgusting?

“Those were Tord's favorites.” Matt sobbed dramatically, covering his face with his hands. Tord slapped his arm, some of the color returning to his face.

“I'm still alive, idiot!”

“Oh, yeah.” He dropped his hands. His face was still red and there were tears building in his eyes, but he put on a smile for Tord, laughing watery. 

“Don't be like that.” Tord impaled as much food as possible onto his fork, stuffing it all into his mouth at once. 

“Well, excuse me for caring for you.”

Tord said something, but it was inaudible through the food. Edd found himself laughing slightly, and the air felt lighter.

They spoke, casually, Tord detailing his plans, how long he'd take to drive, and where he'd stop for lunch and gas. And the sun in the window behind Edd was bright, as if it was building to be a beautiful day.

“I still have two boxes in my room I need to get to my car.”

“I'll help,” Matt said, now completely tear free. His eyes were still a little swollen, but otherwise it was as if nothing had happened.

They both got up, and Edd realized that this was it. Tord was going to leave.

…

There was still the fourth plate on the counter. Edd got up with care, one foot in front of the other. He watched Tord and Matt walk past him with boxes. 

A moment passed. He was standing in front of Tom's door.

He knocked once, before slowly coming in. He made sure to close the door behind him.

“Hey.”

Tom was in bed. He tensed as Edd walked in, obviously awake. 

“I know you're not sleeping.”

He sighed, loudly. He didn't move, so Edd came up to him, sitting on the edge of the bed. Edd knew he'd definitely be home today. He couldn't pick up a work shift yesterday, so there was no coworker to go to.

“Tord's about to leave.” He felt like he was speaking to a child. “Do you wanna say bye?”

“No.”

“...it could be the last time you see him.”

Tom shivered. He grabbed his pillow, and pulled it tighter to his chest. “You think so?”

“Of course I hope he comes back…”

“I don't want to see him again.”

It was such a flat out lie that Edd had to hold down a ridiculing laugh. Instead he kept his expression gentle. “Maybe you'll regret not doing it.”

Tom huffed. 

No matter how long Edd waited for a response, Tom didn't give him one. He should probably prod longer- at heart, Tom just wanted to be convinced. But Edd didn't have the will for it today. He stood back up, and accepted Tom's response at face value.

“We'll be outside now, if you change your mind.”

-

It took a few moments longer until they were saying their goodbyes. Tord had to rearrange some boxes in the car, and Matt complained about how heavy they were the whole way through.

Every now and again, Edd would catch Tord staring at the door, as if he was waiting for someone else to come out. 

“Tom's in his room, if you wanna say bye.”

Tord shook his head. He even laughed. “No thanks.”

They closed the trunk, closed the garage door, and Tord stood, leaning against the car with his hands in his pockets. “So… this is it.”

Edd felt the sad smile on his face, his eyebrows curling. “Well-”

Matt hurled himself towards Tord, trapping him in a big hug, his cheek pressing against his shoulder. “Oh, I'll miss you, Tord!”

Tord had his arms up, clearly taken by surprise. “Ah, you- come on-” and mouth still open in surprise, he set his hands down on his shoulders. Patting twice, awkwardly. “I'll miss everything except this.”

“Liar.”

Tord turned his face away, but Edd still caught the smile curling on his lips. “Get off me, you… idiot.”

Matt squeezed one last time, and stepped back, a hand wiping over his face. Edd stepped in front of Tord as if he was taking Matt's place, staring at him with an expectant smile.

“What?”

Edd opened his arms wide. Tord rolled his eyes.

But still, he stepped forward, letting Edd wrap his arms around him. “You guys are sentimental idiots.”

“You like it.”

“Definitely not.”

The way Tord perfectly placed his head in the crook of Edd’s neck told a different story. He didn't reciprocate the hug, but he did have a hand pressed up against Edd's hoodie, as if he was trying to touch his heart.

In a way, that was a little more painful than just a hug.

He wanted to make it last, but at the same time, he knew that Tord was itching to leave. He held onto him just a moment longer than he should, and then stepped away. He took a deep breath.

“Well-” he started again- but this time he interrupted himself.

He stared at the window, leading to their kitchen. He nodded towards it, prompting Matt and Tord to look towards it.

Tom stood there, watching it all go down. He didn't back away when all the attention was on him. Instead he seemed to stare even more intensely, leaning up against the sink in front of the window.

Tord's expression was unreadable. Edd felt his heartbeat quicken. Anything could happen now.

Slowly, Tord lifted his hand, his palm-

And he waved. A small goodbye to his best friend. The ball was in Tom's court. Matt and Edd looked back at him.

Tom, similarly slow, waved back. Their expressions were a mirror, blank and terrifying.

Then, Tom stepped away. 

They all waited for a few moments. Probably a minute. It felt like hours. Staring at the front door, and waiting for it to open. But it didn't.

“Okay,” Tord said, quietly, to himself. The spell was broken. He opened the car door, and sat down in it with vacant eyes.

“Drive safe,” Matt said, shaking himself out of his reverie. 

“And call us when you settle in!”

“I will, I will.” Tord laughed and tried to smile, but it didn't reach his eyes now. He turned the motor on, and everyone took a step back, giving Tord space to drive off. “Goodbye, old friends!”

Matt and Edd yelled their goodbyes, even as the car started rolling, Tord waving out of the window. And then the car went further, far enough that they couldn't see Tord, but he could see them in the side mirrors, so they kept on waving from their porch.

And then the car turned a corner, and Edd felt his arm drop to his side.

Matt stood next to him. An intense feeling blanketed him. Like he was already looking back at this moment, knowing that he will constantly in the future look back right here- remember it so often that it will be clear as glass in his mind. In that sense, he had no idea if he was already living in the memory or still ghosting around in the moment. When Matt turned to him, to speak, it was as if he already knew everything that was going to be said, and everything that was going to happen. The script of his memory was not wrong, after all.

“We should go inside.”

Edd nodded. He followed Matt, stepping out of the memory.

-

The rest of the day was very quiet. They didn't speak much, but all three of them were gathered in the living room. Tom ate the cold eggs and bacon Edd had made, and Edd cooked lunch for them as well.

They all ate, watching TV and avoiding each other's gazes. They all sunk deep into the couch, as if they were forcing themselves to relax.

-

He felt sick to his stomach.

Like he was going to throw up. He held a hand against his stomach, hoping that maybe the warmth from his palm soothed his nerves. But he just felt horrible.

He tried thinking it away. Denial. Tord will come back. He needed a break from them, but he'll be back. Maybe tomorrow, or in a week. Maybe a month. That at most. He'll be back.

After all, he left most of his things in his room, didn't he? He took most of his clothes, and many trinkets and tools, his computer- but the rest was left there. Even the blanket and pillow, his unchanged bedsheets-

Edd slipped out of his room, ignoring the sound of guitar strumming from the living room, interrupted by a bottle being taken and set down on the floor- ignoring the soft snoring sounds from Matt's room. 

Instead he opened a door that was usually so tightly closed, that the act of opening it felt like something was wrong. And he would be right- the owner of the room was gone.

Edd snuck forward, taking in the sight.

Most posters were still up. He left his music CDs in a bookshelf- as he did most of his books. Not all. 

And it felt wrong, entirely wrong. His body anticipated Tord standing in the doorway and asking him what the hell he was doing in his room. But his brain knew that this couldn't happen.

He moved forward, mind triumphing over body. And slowly, he slid into the bed, the mattress entirely indented, and the pillow too soft to comfortably lay on. But without a doubt, it was Tord's.

Edd wondered if this was it. If he had gone wrong somewhere. His body sunk further into the bed. Maybe he should've been stricter with Tord. Maybe he should've really told Tom that they weren't meant for each other.

But Tord said it wasn't because of that. Tord said, he wanted to leave from the beginning. He wanted to change.

That just meant that it didn't matter what Edd would've said or done. It meant that Tord was going to leave no matter what.

There was a stain on the ceiling. In the dark, it seemed to move and warp. His eyes couldn't quite focus on it.

Maybe Tord would change. Maybe Tord would change for the better.

Edd felt a disgusting sense of relief. He grabbed Tord's blanket tighter, and pulled it up to his chin.