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3 times Victor wishes that he were a Tin Woodman.
The first time he got this Tin Woodman thought was before the rugby final tournament, when he anxiously glanced at the empty seat which supposed to be reserved for his father. Doctor Stone was always the punctual type, so it was obvious that he wouldn’t show up for the most important match of his only son, again. Victor bit his inner chaw to keep anger and disappointment under control; and run back to his teammates to fight for their pride.
I wish I was a Tin Woodman, running back to the pitch, he thought bitterly, so that I don’t have to feel betrayed or disappointed.
Things happened later that night were a nightmare, the most ridiculous one. He finally got his father’s full attention as he’d been longing for, but not in the way he wanted. Victor was far too familiar with that look on his face, the focused, passionate look he gave to his experiment samples and machines, not his own son.
He turned away from his father and smiled bitterly, half of his face was as cold as metal – it was now 100% metal indeed.
It will be fine. He told himself. Anyway, I don’t have a heart to actually feel heartache anymore.
Accepting the fact that he was turned into some half-human-half-machine was not as tough as he thought. When you were in company with a league of superhuman, alien and god, it was hard to judge who was the weirdest. It was a great comfort, and the busy and tough task of saving the world also helped to keep him away from falling into self-hatred. Sometimes the know-it-all Batman would exclude him from some extreme violent cases for reason of his age, he glanced at Shazam and tried to protest that there was another adolescence who needed to be excluded, but only got the young hero’s trademark puppy eyes in reply, so he decided to keep the secret between the two of them.
“You can’t do this forever.” After the battle which he was forced to watch behind the screens, holding his breath every time Billy was beaten by the alien bugs, he tried to persuade Billy again, “You should tell them.”
“Don’t worry, Vic. Everything is under perfect control.” The young hero grinned at him brightly, like sunshine in midsummer, “Man, I’m starving to death, is there anything left in the kitchen?”
He ran away before Victor could say anything else, for fear that the Flash would storm away all snacks in store. Victor signed and turned back to the computer to sort and store their battle data for further analysis. Laughter could be heard from the kitchen, he smiled a little for the pure joy of his colleagues. He sat back in chair and loaded some picture of Billy singing or laughing inside his brain, the young hero is always energetic and happy, like sunshine or rainbow or any beautiful and cheerful things that light up one’s life.
Shazan, or Billy, is actually the only one who still views Victor as the rugby player he used to be. The scary metal body never frightened the young magician in the slightest. Billy would call him on weekends, sometimes to play video games, sometimes just aimlessly wander along the streets. Victor realizes that the young hero doesn’t like to be treated as a teenager, he takes great efforts to keep his mature and heroic image, but he never minds showing his childish self to Victor. He would complain about teachers and homework, pout at Victor on being defeated when they play video games, and try clumsily to comfort him when a beautiful girl saved by him screamed in terror at his face.
“That must be heartbreaking. Come, you can cry on my shoulder, I won’t tell anyone.”
“I’m Cyborg, I have no heart.”
“That’s bullshit, Vic. Heartless men won’t save the world, they become super villains.”
Victor stared at him for a while, fascinated by Billy’s magic capability of cheering him up. He grabbed the boy’s hairs and ended the topic: “Language, boy. Or I’ll give you a swear jar as Christmas gift.”
Billy is an optimist by nature. When he is around you can hardly ever feel depressed or pessimistic. So, when it came that Billy was in a shitty mood, Victor had little idea of what to do.
“What’s wrong?” Stepping into his apartment, finding a depressed Billy curling up in his sofa, he asked in surprise and deep worry.
“Bat talked to me. He discovered. He will put me back to the Young Justice League, teaming up with the young generation.” The mighty magician lowered his voice in embarrassment and tiredness, “I don’t want to leave.”
He finally raised his head and their eyes met, all those “you shouldn’t have cheated in the first place” speech disappeared in just one second.
“I’ll tell Batman, trying to reason him not to transfer you.” He heard himself saying, clearly out of his original plan, “Have some rest, don’t worry too much about this.”
Billy nodded and shot him a warm smile, bright and gentle like the sunshine in early spring. “Thanks, Vic. You are the best in the world.”
He caressed the boy’s dark hairs in comfort. The warmth of skin was so comfortable that he didn’t even want to move his hand away.
And you are my sunshine. He whispered voicelessly, confirming at this exact moment he had fallen in love with this sunshine. It should make him happy, for what love was supposed to be. But at this point the only thing he could feel was pain, deep rooted in his heart even though he didn’t have a heart anymore, and the pain was so overwhelming that he could hardly think.
He knew clearly as hell he shouldn’t expect more than just friendship. After all, who would love a heartless half-robot?
Victor started to hide his feelings, keep distance to the boy and try his best to be a good friend, and nothing more. Of course he sensed the confused look on Billy’s face when he rejected to play video games with him for the first time. The boy looked like a discarded puppy; he was almost beaten by that look and changed his mind. But before he could say anything, the boy just shrugged and turned away, asking Green Lantern if he would like to play video games tomorrow, the energetic pilot agreed immediately, and started inviting others to join. Watching them discussing happily about which game to play, Victor signed bitterly and quietly exit the living room.
Soon it was Billy’s 18th birthday. They shoot a big party at the Watchtower. The young hero thanked his colleagues for their wishes but insisted that he wanted to be left alone tonight. Hal winked at him and joked about losing virginity; Barry dragged him away before he could hand condoms to the boy. Victor looked at them from afar, feeling lucky that his metal face can hide all the improper feelings behind.
He knew that day would inevitably come, sooner or later. His boy would grow up and find his love of life, get married, and then live happily together till death tears them apart. It was natural, nothing to be regret, nothing to moan. But deep inside his metal chest it hurt like hell, as if he had just lost the most precious thing of his life.
I wish I were a Tin Woodman. He thought bitterly, for the third time in his life, so that I will never feel jealousy and desperate at all.
So that I could congratulate him and be genuinely happy for him, as a friend was supposed to be.
That night he went home quite early, sitting at the floor in his leaving room with all lights off. He reloaded some pictures and videos of them hanging out together, replay them over and over again like a sickening stalker. He could handle this; he was already too experienced at dealing with a broken heart.
It was midnight when he heard someone knocking his door, quietly but decisively. He checked the time and frowned, feeling annoyed at being disturbed at midnight. He walked slowly towards the door, wishing the guy outside will eventually lose his patience and walk away, unfortunately, whoever outside seemed more than patient.
In order not to annoy his neighbors, he signed defeated and opened the door, to his surprise, it was Billy, the one who he couldn’t stop thinking for the entire night. The boy was in T-shirt and pajama, as if he ran straightly from his bedroom all the way here. He dragged the boy inside; frowned at the ice-cold arm he touched.
“What happened?” I thought you were enjoying your adult life with some lovely girl. He bit his lower lip to chew down this.
Billy didn’t reply. He stood there silently, with his eyes sticking at his feet. Victor watched him anxiously; his head already started running all emergency scenarios, which only added his anxiety.
“I’m 18 now.” The young man finally broke the silence, but stops halfway, leaving both of them in an uncomfortable silence again. Victor gazed at him carefully, feeling the first time that the CPUs in his head weren’t advanced enough to decipher this riddle, the most important riddle in his life.
“I’ve been in love with you since the first time we met in that rugby match.” The boy confessed determinedly, “I’m 18 now, are you going to kiss me and let me stay or tell me to piss off…”
He sealed the confession with a firm kiss. The boy tasted like cupcake, orange juice and sunshine of the golden coast, all the good and precious things of life. He heard Billy moaned in relief under his lips, and felt two hands rounding his neck to deepen the kiss.
“I didn’t expect this.” When the finally broke it off for short of oxygen, he admitted in harsh voice, “I thought mine would be a one-sided love forever.”
Billy widened his eyes and sneered, his rosy cheek was so attractive that Victor could hardly resist caressing. “Seriously, man? I thought you started keeping distance because you noticed my crush on you!”
“Yeah I guess I’ve been a fool for quite a while.” He hugged Billy, whispering to his ears, “Do you want to stay the night?”
Billy nodded and smiled, the blue eyes shining evilly. “Sure. I would like to try that gift from GL.”
Victor could feel his heart beating like crazy. He leaned forward to his love and cursed, kissing him violently and pushed him to his bedroom.
He woke up early in the morning, bathing in the pale sunshine. His boy slept soundly by his side, holding his right arm with both hands. He smiled at the intimacy, and kissed Billy’s forehead gently.
“Good morning Billy, what would you like to have for breakfast?”