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“And what about you? As a fellow “puppet” of sorts, do you ever experience computational errors in your heart?”
The Wanderer looks up from the teacup he was idly tracing with his thumb - smearing the condensation that formed as his boiling drink cooled underneath the endless conversation between him and someone he expected to never speak to again.
He meets Sandrone's heavy gaze, staring at him like she’s daring him to respond with honesty. Her eyes naturally carry a sense of sharpness to them, undeniably due to the countless endeavors she’d experienced throughout her walk of life that's far longer in comparison to any human who walked Teyvat. That particular quality was only one of many similarities he’d come to notice between the two of them in the short time of their reunion. Wanderer couldn’t help but let the rare resemblance of a smile tweak the edges of his lips as they sat together, who knew that the unbearable Marionette was actually capable of change? Then again… he’s one to talk in that regard.
The sound of the aforementioned person clearing their throat draws him back to the present. Errors… many things can be described as such. He has no shortage of flukes in his character and he’s well aware of that. Though, there is something a bit more than mildly irritating about the space deep within his chest. It’s barren, empty and unexplored, but aching in just a way he can’t seem to forget about it no matter how hard he tries to distract himself.
“Hah… I experience far more than just errors!”
Things in Sumeru have been… different to say the least.
The Wanderer hasn’t been worrying nearly as much. Watching his arch nemesis Dottore get dragged down to hell by his own counterparts was surely a sight to never forget; and knowing that he shan't return helped ease the tension somewhat within him.
He returned back to school immediately following the events of Dottore’s doing. What else was there to do? He had little need for regeneration; he’d been through much worse in the past to let something such as this stop him. Besides, he couldn’t possibly let the opportunity of excelling in the same school that ostracized him slip away. There wasn’t much else to do, he knew that. Focusing on his assignments was his only focus, right? The Wanderer threaded his fingers though his hair, sucking in a breath through gritted teeth.
Normally, referring to the past year or so, he’d be slaving away hours in the Akademiyas library – scouring the shelves for any inspiration and knowledge he could obtain in order to take down The Doctor. Now, everything had fallen somewhat back to normal without the underlying fear of reuniting with him. Now, he spends most of his time cooped up inside his dorm room, rereading the same stack of books he'd practically memorized at this point just to keep his mind on something... less emotion inducing.
Back in the beginning days of his new life in Sumeru, he wasn't exactly well familiar with his college's library. He had just begun his studies there and had no intent of making any friends - but on his birthday (of course) the Traveler offered to study with him so he felt less alone.
Alone? What an absolute joke. He felt zero need for any human connection, especially within the walls of somewhere he was practically forced to be to get out of being a criminal.
Well, he couldn't complain about that day too much. They sat in silence for most of the time as he studied for an exam dealing with the laws of former Inazuma which he quite literally lived. It was a waste of time; he had no idea why he even agreed to let her stay with him when he knew there was no point. He'd stopped reading minutes ago - instead taking in the architecture of the library, people watching, and a few times a minute letting his gaze drift over to her. She sat there so peacefully, eyes lidded in relaxation as she took in the words of the page in front of her. There were a few times where she'd look up at him as he stared at her while he tried to gauge what she was reading off the very expressive faces she makes while engrossed in something, but he'd turn away quickly enough in hopes she didn't notice.
It was a nice day, even if he never admits it to himself.
So lately, entering the library felt different now that they'd parted ways, once again.
He hadn't been inside since Dottore's death.
Back then, for the past two years he spent far too much time there, days taken for granted. His friends (though he’d never admit them as that) would recurringly stop by. They’d make teasing remarks on how he’d been “quite the scholar” of late, often hinting that he should ditch the books back on their cobwebbed shelves and enjoy the weather with a short game of Genius Invokation TCG.
Naturally, the Wanderer refused entirely, committing himself fully to the revenge he was about to enact. He spent nights lying awake planning. How would he go about it? When would be his best in to attack? What could he do to make it all the more painful?
Nothing else occupied his mind as much as that bastard Dottore, and he loathed it. If he wasn’t awake at night, he’d be given the foulest of reminders of that man's existence in the form of night terrors. Dreams of being tied up against an achingly hard metal table that was cold to the touch… masked men standing above him with gleaming scalpels and smiles that all twisted into the same maniacal grin… restraints digging into his skin… and then something much sharper.
He’d awake with a cold sweat every time, cursing to the humid winds of Avidya Forest. Although he and Lesser Lord Kusanali have made their amends, he held some unconscious resentment for the memories that forced their way up in his slumber. Sometimes, he selfishly wished that once again the people of Sumeru would lose the ability to dream.
The only thing that seemed to work at clearing his head was wandering around Sumeru City late into the night. Most of the shops had since closed hours before, but the faint melody that carried from a small tavern along with the unrestrained shouts of drunken partygoers caused him an eyeroll. Sometimes, a few of his fellow Vahumana classmates invited him to join them on their night out and he’d decline that silly idea almost immediately.
What would he even gain from such an experience? He has much more important matters to attend to then a bar of all places, and alcohol? It was a poison, and poisons don’t work on his inhuman body. Really, if he could maybe drowning in alcohol would have been a better alternative than the life he currently resided in. Obviously fate, that funny thing, had other ideas.
Though, fate seemed to be in his favor not too long after that night. Dottore was dead, and his nightmares had since ceased all together. Actually, he’d been starting to dream of other things lately…
It’d been a month and a half since he’d last seen her.
The day replays over and over in his head, like morning birds pitchily singing songs of the daylight when you’ve yet to sleep. The Traveler and Paimon drifting inside the Sanctuary of Surasthana with that air of importance that never seems to leave them (or more so her, but he feels unobligated to say such things now that he and her flying companion are on good terms as of late).
Unfortunately for him, they didn’t exactly come to visit in the most comfortable of times. Just before their unexpected arrival, Nahida had been what he’d consider as overbearing. She’d noticed a change in his demeanor, a subtle quietness that wasn’t exactly bad, but new in a way that caught her attention quickly. Just then, she’d been questioning how his mental well-being was, especially due to the situation with Dottore which anyone who knew the Wanderer could understand was a particularly sore spot of his.
Of course, as soon as the Traveler caught wind of Nahida's nurturing intentions she jumped right on that bandwagon. Wanderer had to internally suppress a groan of annoyance. For some reason, strangely enough, any time her golden-brown eyes looked into his he didn’t feel like arguing anymore.
Any time he found himself at disagreement with her, somehow, she always won. All it took was one sidewards glance in his direction and he found himself tailing behind her like a stray cat, ready to do whatever she needed him to. Embarrassingly enough for him, he’s found himself in multiple predicaments quite like, even more so since he’d entered Nod Krai.
She was starlight incarnate, people all across Teyvat spoke of her presence with such high praise it used to leave a sour taste in his mouth. Nobody was born to be a savior, nobody was meant to be a god, he of all people had grown to understand such a concept. Even so, as he spoke with Nahida about his studies, the Traveler looked at him and with the most earnest smile he almost couldn’t believe she was looking at him said:
“To be honest, even I can sense the change in you.”
Something about her words – maybe the way she said them, or the way she looked while saying them (he couldn’t quite place it) made his mechanical pulse jump beneath his skin. He could feel the tips of his ears prickling pink with something not too far off from embarrassment, but fonder that he wasn’t well acquainted with yet. Thankfully, Nahida's talkativeness broke the eye contact that was starting to cause his retinas to burn; he promptly turned away and shielded his face underneath the comfort of his hat.
Out of that entire conversation, that offhanded comment of hers stuck with him the most. He remembered how she briefly asked about his future plans, and all he could think of was to finish the studies Nahida provided him. That was the last thing he said to her before heading off back to the Akademiya. He watched as her golden gaze followed him until he was out of her peripheral vision, and only then could he breathe a sigh of relief with the oxygen he didn’t even require.
“Anyways… what’s your next step?” He recalled Lumine asking him, and he knew that the answer was obvious when it slipped off his tongue without a second thought. Though, if things were really up to him… he knew he wouldn’t have said something as trivial as he did.
A day or so before that last recent conversation, the Wanderer and the Traveler with the most mirroring of titles headed forth to take down Dottore.
Wanderer remembers exactly what took place. He and his teammates devised a well thought out plan instead of simply charging inside. He, Tighnari, and the Traveler would sneak past the already distracted Fatui to reach the Sanctuary of Surasthana where they could easily access Irminsul.
Once their group made it to their desired location with safety, Tighnari offered to help them through the rest of the process, which Wanderer firmly denied. He felt a flicker of satisfaction when Lumine reciprocated his thoughts as she begged him not to worry, assuring him that she and Wanderer had it fully controlled.
Not too long after, almost like clock work, Paimon decided that she’d grown strong enough to stray away from her trusty traveler and help the rest of their companions on her own terms. Though said traveler was deeply worried for her dear friend's safety, all Wanderer could think at that moment was how little his standards for Paimon used to be.
Paimon seemed to notice his inner turmoil as he stared in her direction with pondering eyes. At first, she wondered if she’d said something wrong, but Wanderer shook his head.
“...It’s nothing. I just suddenly realized how much you’ve grown.”
Before he could add anything else to his last thought, the Traveler, ever the chatterbox, piped into the conversation.
“Hey, you’ve grown quite a lot yourself.” She eyed him with such fondness Wanderer shrunk into himself a tad bit.
Does she know how possibly infuriating it is? How easily she's able to sway his mind?
While her small companion went into a rant of self praise, Wanderer couldn’t seem to tear his gaze away from the blonde in front of him.
Her face was knitted into stern concentration, a hint of uneasiness shining through her usually infrangible mask of heroism. It occurs to him that his expression was new on her, well, more so unusual. Of course he’d seen fear out of her, his past-self derived a weird sense of pleasure from that very look of hers that he never really figured out. What was new was its direction. It didn’t seem to be pointed in any which way, so he could only assume she was afraid of her own well being.
Who would’ve thought the Traveler of all people would be unsure about something?
Though, if she just so happened to voice her concerns to him… he’d shut them down. He knows his way around human emotions, comforting people is something that comes easy to him when given the opportunity. They were going to be alone after all, it’s weird to see that woman without Paimon next to her. He could say anything we wanted to her without the possibility of being overheard. That thought sparks an uncomfortable feeling within his abdomen, maybe fear?
No, that couldn’t be it. What would he possibly be scared of when it comes to her? The two of them have known each other far too long to have any loose ends besides his debt to her. Besides, they were on a mission, it wasn’t like they’d have any spare time for anything other than quick reassurance. He wouldn’t to speak to her, all sweet and soothing, squeeze her hands with promises of safety, lean in close enough that their noses brush, and close the last distance between their—
“-And don’t forget Paimon’s a college student now!” The fairy gleamed, nudging Wanderers shoulder as if to imply they were alike in that way which caused him to jolt out of whatever thought he was about to stumble across. Ah, right. She was still here.
Entering Irminsul went without issue.
The grounds of it were warped, like it recalled the memories of its former state through a game of telephone. Even so, the pair of them knew their way around. After all, they’d been there before… unfortunately not under the best of circumstances.
At least they thought they knew their way around.
The Wanderer took one look at the place, scoffing before muttering something under his breath about not having even a resemblance of an idea to where they were meant to go. The Traveler seemed to sense his confusion, reminding him that due to their terminals Irminsul wouldn’t be able to read them.
Quietness overtook them for a brief moment before she spoke in that singsong voice of hers, and just as she was about to tell him a plan she thought of he interrupted her.
“Don't. Don’t tell me.” He cuts her off immediately, not even bothering to let her continue reciting whatever idea came into her mind, because to him... his seemed like a better fit. “...That way, whatever happens to me next, it won’t affect your progress.”
Maybe he was a bit insistent about it. Her gaze stiffened from that barely disguised nervousness into something a lot more serious. He hadn’t a single idea why. Afterall, he was indebted to her, if anything she should be relieved for this willing sacrifice of his.
They weren’t on the same page though, not at all. The Traveler crossed her arms with frustration.
“...Listen to me. Your safety is just as important as mine. We came here together, and we’re leaving together.” Her tone was sharp, unchangeable. It was obvious she wasn’t going back on her word; she never does, it isn’t within her nature.
With a sigh, Wanderer agreed and they’d begun their planning.
They made sure to well talk it over before marching towards the danger that was Dottore.
“...So, you’re saying…?” The Wanderer shot her a preventative look.
“Yes. I want you to swing me to a piece of Irminsul debris so I can help Nahida on our end. That way, she will have an entrance while you focus on distracting Dottore.”
Was she insane?
“Sounds risky, and here I thought you were all against sacrifice.” That caused a look driven by annoyance to pierce through him with her seering golden gaze.
“And here I thought you’d be jumping at the chance to get a hit on your arch nemesis… or maybe the other things I mentioned.” A brow of his raises imminently.
“Huh? What could you possibly mean by “other things”?” The outlander laughs, and he now notices the teasing lit in her voice that he confused originally as her trying to lighten the mood.
“Well…”
She takes a few steps closer to him as she pauses mid-sentence, striding over to him with a mischievous grin that he correlates with how she'd look as they bickered back before their alliance...
Wait.
His entire body stiffens when he feels the warmth of her hand on his shoulder, the heat of it seeping through the thin fabric of his undershirt. Then, she leans in close enough to where he can smell the floral-like scent of the otherworldly flower in her hair and whispers her next words too tauntingly for his liking into his ear.
“...I remember the last time we were here you demanded for my hand. What's so different now?”
The Wanderer inhales sharply at the proximity. He can feel her breath against the nape of his neck and goosebumps explode across his skin. He completely forgot his body could even do much a thing. It’s not surprising though, she has that effect. Even as he feels positively frozen by her closeness, he doesn’t dare back down from whatever game she’s playing. His arm sharply rises to grab her hand with his own and pulls her so that they’re face to face… almost too close.
He didn’t mean to do that last bit, not at all, but he goes along with it anyway.
“Of course I remember last time. You think this moment is like before? Maybe I just don’t want to watch you walk straight into a suicide mission.” His eyes flicker between their now intertwined fingers and her unusually widened eyes, “...Is this proof that I don't feel differently?”
Lumine falters slightly. Her mouth is agape, and whatever she was going to say has since evaporated from her mind. Lips the color of sakura blossoms close and then reopen – only to say nothing. He’s never seen her so flustered before, or himself matter a fact as his own cheeks begin to dust pink. He didn’t mean for things to feel so heated. Their banter never usually takes such… drastic directions, and he doesn’t know what to make of it.
In seconds, she recovers, because it wouldn’t be her if she didn’t. Their gazes lock, and though he may have imagined it she seems closer than before as she finally gains control of her voice.
“...You–”
“Traveler! Hat Guy! How is it looking in there?”
Abruptly, the two pull apart, sharing the same flushed expression as Nicole's voice rings out in both of their heads. Wanderer completely forgot she could listen in to their conversations to guide them along the mission he almost forgot about, and evidently so did Lumine if he wasn’t mistaken.
“Uh… all good! We’re just about to head off…” Her eyes widen frantically as she motions Wanderer to the mouth of the cave that headed towards the area they planned to explore. He followed without a word.
They internally vowed to never speak of that moment again.
Things went unexpectedly, but the pair managed to figure out some loopholes. Unbeknownst to them, Dottore had set a trap to enclose them within another cave. Luckily, with Nicole's help they managed to find an exit.
They barely had a moment to catch their breath before the very person they escaped from confronted them personally – cutting off their connection with Nicole and revealing that he knew Wanderers true identity the moment he first laid eyes on him. It took a mere few taunts from The Doctor to spur the both of them into fighting him.
Wanderer was able to lift the Traveler into the air, swinging her (as she had asked) to a piece of Irminsul that had broken off so she could stabilize the connection on the outside of Teyvat for Nahida to enter within.
Once inside, Nahida provided a momentary distraction, while the original two put their elemental powers to use as they stood side by side to deliver powerful blasts of pyro. Though that method was short lived... Dottore sent the ground beneath the three allies crumbling, and all four of them began to fall into the fiery depths below. As the Traveler and Wanderer fought off Dottore, Nahida activated the gnosis that she and her trusty sage had acquired priorly, catching her aforementioned companions in their flight.
Just as they were about to fly back up to the surface, Dottore sent one last channel of energy and tethered it around the Lumine, sending her flailing down into the depths.
Wanderer felt something within his chest lurch with fear. He hadn’t even realized he was moving until the painful feeling of breaking through Dottore’s capture with his own body registered to his brain. Without even thinking, he wrapped both arms around Lumine, holding her as tight to him as possible while they watched The Doctor meet his nasty end to his own hand, or hands in this case as a multitude of his own segments drug him down to where they were once sentenced by him.
As they surfaced, the Traveler’s hands still grasped Wanderers' shaky shoulders. Nahida stands nearby but gives the two of them space for an unvoiced reason.
Cautiously, the blonde traveler lowered herself off of him, a tad bit self conscious from how hard she'd been holding him, her arms still lightly draped around his back from where she held onto him previously. Their eyes meet steadily for the first time since they made the plan to take down Dottore, which for the most part went swimmingly.
“Thank you, ____.” She mutters the name she gave him years ago earnestly, but somewhat sheepish as her hands retreat from him entirely. He tries not to let the though grace his mind, but he wishes they lingered for a moment more.
Wanderer’s mechanical breathing stutters when that simple not-so-simple name leaves her lips, it carries a weight meant only for his ears, just the way they intended it to be While it was made for her to call him and her alone, he still always got a small kick out of hearing her speak in into existence, breathing it out to him like it matters.
“Hah… I’m glad to hear you aren’t making a habit of calling me that ridiculous nickname again after everything.” His eyes dart away at the word “everything”. It feels loaded, unpacked, and filled with something neither him or the woman before him would ever speak about.
The Traveler giggles.
“I personally think Hat Guy has a nice ring to it. You’re sure you don’t want—”
“Positive.” He interrupts with sternness that resides from embarrassment more than genuine frustration of hearing his title that branded to him like hot iron all due to Nahida’s doing.
The pair say nothing, just looking into each others eyes. Wanderer can’t help but get the feeling she’s trying to find something inside him, something he isn’t even aware of. Awkward smiles bloom on both of their faces. Wanderer turns away and exhales out a breath as if to rid himself of all the stress they’d all just gone though. The Traveler kicks a small piece of rubble that sat near her boot. The two of them say nothing for a short while.
One of them is brave enough to break the silence.
“You don’t have to keep saving me, you know. You don't owe me anymore.” Wanderer looks up from the ground only to instantly scoff at her words that he deems so wrong.
“Of course I do.” He spits out like it’s obvious, staring at her like she's an idiot for even believing such a thing. “You’re acting like everything you’ve done for me can just be… repaid like a loan.”
Lumine blinks, confused and for once trying not to hide it.
“What’s that supposed to mean? You’re saying you’re just going to be indebted to me… no matter what you do?”
“Seriously? You still don’t understand? I’ll forever be indebted to you, Lumine.”
The silence between them is reborn. Wanderer realizes his slip up as soon as her true name leaves his lips. She knew that he was aware of it, he’d come across it back during their first Irminsul visit, but she also knew that he’d never spoken it out loud before. That name was foreign to Teyvat, and she liked it that way, but oddly enough hearing it come from him out of all the people she'd met on this planet didn’t bristle her.
“Fuck, sorry, I didn’t mean to say—”
“No, don’t be. It’s fine, ____.” Lumine laughs, genuinely laughs like her real name said aloud for the first time in almost a decade was the funniest thing she's ever heard. “Honestly, out of any of my companions on Teyvat… you’re probably the only one I’d be okay with hearing it from. Besides, I did name you.”
The Wanderer sighs in relief that she didn’t positively hate him for what he just did.
“...Hm. Yeah. Guess you aren’t wrong.”
All they can do is stare at each other for a moment. Wanderer internally bickers with himself as to whether or not he should say something, maybe even dare to speak his mind — then Nahida chimes into the conversation, alerting the Traveler and him that the rest of their friends are okay. Paimon flew into the room sobbing messy tears that soaked into Lumine's scarf when she hugged her. Due to her flying companions state, the Traveler left without a goodbye, not even a look in his direction.
Since then, everything around Wanderer became a blur, all until the day she walked back into the Sanctuary of Surasthana, and then his thoughts replayed in the same messy loop like a sickeningly sweet Samsara. He felt it fully the moment he walked out of the room, the way a feeling deep within his chest felt as if it was tethered to that woman and straining itself the more distance he put between them.
He knew what it meant, what it was. He couldn’t hide that known fact from himself. From the second she left Sumeru, when he watched her boat sail away from afar, he couldn’t deny it any longer. Late nights awake thinking hopefully about Dottore’s death turned into late nights thinking about her, and there was positively nothing he could do to fix it.
And he’d tried everything.
Well, at least some things can help him lead his mind… temporarily.
The sound of Sandrone's nails, tapping insistently on the mechanical table as she sat across from him, strings him back into the present. What were they talking about again?
“Far more than errors you say, hm? Do tell.” Ah... right.
The Wanderer laughs at the irony, if only Sandrone knew the kind of turmoil he felt inside at this very moment, and for the one person he knew he couldn’t have no matter how much he wanted, or prayed, or begged. She was on a mission, and he respected that, she knew he respected that. What would she do if she found out he was like all the others, deep down selfishly wishing for her to stay, for her to love know him.
Even though Sandrone stared at him with eyes he recognized back in his Fatui days, the kind of look that yearned for gossip, he wasn’t the kind of person to just share his private feelings to anyone who was ballsy enough to ask.
“I don’t think we know each other well enough for that just yet.” The Wanderer stated firmly but politely, tilting the teacup in his hand to his lips and sipping the bitterness he'd always preferred.
Though right now... something sweet doesn't sound half bad.