Work Text:
It’s a Tuesday morning. He’s been here more times than he could remember, so much so that it feels almost comfortable. He takes in all in: the peeling eggshell white wallpaper, the gray carpet that was most certainly not originally gray, and above the reception desk, a clock whose hands stray further and further away from the correct time with every visit. Yet, all the same, he wouldn’t change a thing.
“Good morning, Maudeen!” he exclaims to the woman at the desk. Like everything else, she’s another comforting fixture in the place. Today, she’s wearing her red spectacles and bright red scrubs. She really does look like an apple.
“Harris,” she replies, smiling widely. “We were just talking about you the other day.”
“Good things, I hope,” he teases.
“Good things,” she winks back. “Sign in and take a seat. Dr. Melvin has a slow day today so it’ll be just a minute.”
He picks a seat next to the magazine rack and pulls out the first one. Shane Hollander stares back at him from the front page. He reaches into the rack and pulls out another one. Another Shane Hollander appears, this time with significantly less clothing. He snaps a picture and sends it to Ilya before putting them both back on the shelf. His phone pings.
Troy
r u in yet
Harris
Not yet.
Hopefully soon tho :)
Wyd?
Troy
having fun
watching shane yell at ilya
Harris
???
Why?
:O
Troy
ilyas ragebaiting him
Harris
LMAO
Figures
“Harris,” Maudeen calls out. “Dr. Melvin is ready for you.”
“Coming!” He scrambles up from his seat and sends one more message before putting his phone away.
Harris
G2g
Doc’s calling :)
Love u
He hears his phone ping but he doesn’t check the message. Maudeen waves him through the door with a flick of the hand. She walks him down the hall to a corner with a chair and a physician’s scale where she takes his height, weight, and vital signs.
“132/76!” she remarks at one point. “Not bad, not bad at all.”
“98!” she remarks at another time. “On the faster end but within normal limits.”
He chuckles to himself at how she has to comment on everything. Then she moves him over to a room closer to the front. He sits on the table carefully so as to not rip the paper covering it.
“Here we are!” she declares. “He’s notating. He’ll be here shortly. Don’t go anywhere.” She winks one more time before closing the door behind her.
He checks the message he missed and smiles when he sees it.
Troy
okay
ill talk to u after
:)
i love u too
The door swings open suddenly. “Harris!” Dr. Melvin walks in, shouting. “My boy, it is good to see you!” He’s a little more gray than Harris remembered but still full of life as ever. Harris opens his arms and Dr Melvin pulls him into a big hug. “How are you doing, son?”
“I’m doing really good,” Harris laughs, his voice coming out tight. “But maybe not for long if you pop out my lungs.”
“Oops.” Dr. Melvin releases him. “We wouldn’t want to put you back in the hospital now, would we?” He pats Harris on the back and the blow nearly sends him face-down on the ground. Old man strength, Harris thinks.
Dr. Melvin pulls out a chart and scans the pages. “Hm. Hm. Yes. Hm. Yes. Everything looks good here.” Then he pulls out his stethoscope. “Let’s take a listen. I’m going to put the stethoscope on your chest. Don’t be surprised. It’s cold.” Harris nods and Dr. Melvin starts to examine him. After a minute, he offers Harris a reassuring smile.
“Everything sounds good!” Harris lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. “Now how about symptoms. Any palpitations? Chest pain? Arm pain? Shortness of breath? Anything out of the ordinary? Night sweating? Dizzy spells? Anything that made you think ‘huh, this can’t be right’?”
“No, no, and no.” Harris smiles. “Well, I do get a little dizzy when I stand up suddenly but other than that, I’m good. I feel really good right now.”
“I see. Well, we don’t have that much to talk about then, do we?” Harris starts to stand up but Dr. Melvin presses a hand gently down on his arm. “But we have to talk about what we discussed before. We can’t keep putting it off, son.” Harris exhales slowly. Here it comes, the dreaded “talk”. “Have you given it some thought?”
“I did,” Harris answers. Dr. Melvin gives him a pointed look. “I guess not that much.”
“I don’t expect anything to happen any time soon but I do want you and anyone else coming into my office to be prepared for any possibility that something could happen.” He could tell that Dr. Melvin had said these lines probably a thousand times. “By having a living will and designating someone with the power of attorney, you are ensuring that your wishes are carried out. It’s a good thing, Harris, a really good thing. I have an advanced directive, myself.”
“I know,” Harris replies. “I know. It’s just I don’t want to think something could happen. Just thinking of it makes me dizzy and nauseous.”
“I understand,” Dr. Melvin affirms. “It’s not an easy thing and it is a big decision but it does have to be addressed eventually. You have time, Harris, but nothing is guaranteed, even time. So please do think about it. Come talk to me when you’re ready.” Harris nods, gingerly, feeling a little queasy. “Now, there’s a good lad.”
“Your favorite?” He offers a small smile.
“My favorite,” Dr. Melvin brightly grins back. “Now, get on with it. The sun’s out and it’s a lovely day.” He pats Harris on the back one more time then walks him out to the front door.
“Goodbye Harris,” Maudeen calls out from behind him.
When Harris does step out of the door, the sun is out and the day is lovely but somehow, he feels a bit worn down.
Harris
I’m done
Troy
how was it
Harris
Okay
Troy
just ok?
u ok??
wanna call???
The phone starts ringing before Harris could text him back. A picture of Troy hugging Chiron pops up. It usually makes him smile but he isn’t able to muster up the energy to do so. He presses “accept” after a moment.
“Harris,” Troy’s worried voice comes through. “Are you okay? Did something happen?” In some twisted way, it feels nice to have someone concerned for him but Harris feels guilty that he made Troy feel that way.
“I’m okay,” he answers. He feels Troy glare at him through the phone. He didn’t know glaring could be felt. “For real. I’m okay. Dr. Melvin said everything looks good.”
“Why do you sound like that then?” he presses.
“Like what?”
“Bummed out.” Harris doesn’t reply and Troy continues. “When you don’t talk to me, I don’t know what to do. Can I see you? Please?” The screen flashes and “incoming video call” pops up. Harris sees his reflection on the screen and it’s not a pretty one. There’s a knit in his brow that wasn’t there in the morning. He hits “accept” anyway. “Hey, baby.” Troy says as his face appears, his eyes soft and his own eyebrows knitted. “What’s going on?” Harris can’t help but smile at him. He looks so cute when he’s worried. “Thank you but can we not change the subject?” Oh. He said that thought out loud.
“I just—i had “the talk” with Dr Melvin.” He sighs.
“Talk like… talk like birds and the bees?” Troy rubs the side of his neck which was now tinged pink. “Because oops. Too late.”
“No,” Harris snorts. “The advanced directive talk.”
“Oh,” Troy simply says, confusion plainly written on his face.
“That’s it?” Harris stares at him. “That’s your input?”
“Uhm. I don’t know what to say. Good?”
“Good?”
“Yeah, good? I have one too?”
“You do?”
“Yeah, athletes are encouraged to have one. Especially in hockey. High contact sport. Reminds me.” Troy brings his phone down to below his chin and begins to type. “Reminder to self. Change attorney person to Harris.”
“Me?”
“Well, yeah.” Troy brings the phone back up to eye level. “Baby, we’re basically husbands. We live together.”
“You haven’t proposed yet.”
“Key word. Yet.” He shakes his head. “Wait, we're getting side-tracked. What are you bummed out about?”
“I don’t know,” Harris shrugs. “Well, I do know actually. It’s stupid.”
“Don’t say that,” Troy frowns. “It’s not. Now tell me.”
Harris exhales slowly. “I just don’t really want to talk about something happening in the future, like saying it out puts it out into the universe. I’m doing so good right now. What if I jinx it? Then if something happens and then…” He feels his eyes begin to sting. “I hate it, that there’s big ‘if’ looming over me. It makes me feel weak and helpless.”
“You’re not,” Troy denies, his gaze softening further. “You’re the strongest person I know.”
“I mean you have to say that,” Harris smiles slowly. “You’re my guy.”
“I don’t have to do anything,” he replies, tersely. Then his shoulders fall and he rubs his stubble on his chin with his other hand. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to speak to you like that. That’s not what I was trying to say. I’m not saying you’re strong because it’s my job to or anything, I’m saying it because you are strong.”
“Yeah,” Harris nods, now smiling a little brighter. “Thank you. I love you so much.”
“I love you more,” Troy smiles, softly. “But you’re right. I am your guy. I would like to, you know, be your guy when it ever comes to the ‘if’.” He trails off toward the end of the sentence as if the word got stuck in this throat. “Not that I think you’ll need it anytime soon but it also makes me feel better knowing I got your back. And for me too. I want you to be my guy.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Then…” Harris takes in a deep breath. “Then, can you come with me for my next check up? I think I’ll be ready to talk to my cardiologist about it then.”
“Of course.” Harris exhales as all the tension in his body seems to melt away.
“I wish you were here right now,” he admits, cheeks feeling warming. “I want to kiss you.”
Come see me at work?” Troy winks, his own face pink. Harris traces the blush down to his collarbones. “I’ll make it worth your while.”
“On my day off? Hm…”
“Hey,” Troy frowns slightly. “You love seeing me.”
“I do,” Harris laughs. “I love it so much.”
“I know you do,” Troy smirks, all traces of the frown completely gone. The faker. “See you in an hour? Bring a snack. I’ll make you a latte.”
Harris pretends to swoon. “You know the way to a man’s heart.”
“No,” Troy laughs, softly. He points the camera up toward his forehead. “Just yours.” Aw. He’s shy.
“Just mine,” Harris smiles, hoping Troy could hear the stark honesty in his voice. “You’re all mine.”
“Forever,” Troy says so quietly he almost doesn’t hear it and Harris knows it’s a promise.