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The arrival of winter brought with it a bitter chill that had Katsuki fighting the urge to curl up into a shivering mess. He blew on his fingers to keep them warm, but it was no use.
It would have been easier for him to go back inside, but tonight he didn't particularly want to.
Although Katsuki managed to hide his weak constitution well enough, his quirk meant that his body was fundamentally incompatible with the cold. Most people assumed that he only hated winter because it made it harder for him to use his quirk, which relied on him producing sweat.
Technically, that was part of the truth, so Katsuki didn't make any real effort to deny it. If anything, he wanted people to believe that over the whole truth.
In reality, even what was just a simple breeze to others gave Katsuki a bone-deep chill. The cold made him drowsy and weak.
It gave him an intense and borderline unbearable craving for warmth until eventually, he would shut down like that toad girl in his class.
Katsuki had seen how she'd get swaddled with piles of soft blankets during winter. How all of his classmates coddled her, and he hated it.
He hated how watching her being fawned over filled him with an indescribable rage.
Katsuki had fought against his own intolerance since he was a kid.
The hag would send him outside whenever he misbehaved to scare him a little. During summer, it was fine - fun even - and Katsuki would run around all day pretending to be a hero until sundown, then return home at night to apologise to her and finally be let back in.
Winter, however, wasn't so easy, but little Katsuki forced himself to endure the intense drawbacks his shitty constitution gave him.
Katsuki endured and endured.
He stuffed the deep desire for warmth in a locked box where even he couldn't reach it and pinched himself to stay awake no matter how much his body begged for rest.
Nowadays, he barely registered the pain.
He Ignored how it felt like a million needles were prickling under his uncomfortably numb and stiff fingertips.
It was a weakness that he overcame, so seeing the toad girl succumb to it so unashamedly infuriated him.
Katsuki could hear echoes of the party down at the dorms, even feel faint vibrations from where he was perched on the roof.
It wasn't enough to stay in his room to avoid the extras; shitty hair would just keep knocking and pleading for Katsuki to come out and join them. Even imagining his earnest expression was enough to give Katsuki a faint headache.
The rest of the idiots egging him on were even worse.
Please bro, it won't be the same without you.
Katsuki snorted to himself.
What half-assed platitudes. He felt a little insulted that they thought that line would even work.
He wasn't dense. Katsuki knew his personality clashed with the majority of people; he wasn't exactly ‘life of the party’ material. His ego wasn't so big that he couldn't realise how his own anti-social tendencies ruined things.
He’d been to parties and events with his parents as a kid, and all he could ever manage to do was sit in the corner whilst other children repeatedly tried to get him to play with them.
Katsuki didn't get why it was easy for them to talk about the most inane things, laugh about anything and seriously enjoy it.
Being approached by the other brats used to fill Katsuki with this shameful fear that he couldn't shake off, and he was never able to talk to them for long before lashing out.
It was times like those, surrounded by people, that made him feel like an alien pretending to be human. Like he'd missed out on some important lesson about how to be a normal functioning person. It didn’t help that everyone around him had somehow attended those lessons.
He hated it, and so when the class began planning a party, for God knows what, Katsuki made sure to remember to sneak out before it was too late.
Contrary to popular belief, it was actually really easy for him to sneak around. Katsuki had cultivated a loud and brash image that was ingrained in everyone's mind.
So, if he wanted to go unnoticed, all he had to do was simply close his mouth, tread lightly instead of stomping and keep his head down.
The difference was immediate, and it was as if he didn't exist. Katsuki didn't have to hide or make any elaborate plans; he could just walk around completely ignored.
He swung his legs over the ledge before looking down to the floor, his stomach swooping uncomfortably.
Falling from this height would mean instant death; sure, he could fly, but in this weather he'd be unable to produce enough sweat to propel him back upwards in time. And with how sluggish he was feeling, he doubted he would even realise he was falling until it was too late.
He took a moment to take in his vulnerability. Someone could push him whilst he was too slow to stop them. They could scare him enough to send him tipping over accidentally.
Katsuki slid closer to the edge; it gave him a sick thrill, and the adrenaline pumping through his body made him feel more alive than he had in weeks.
He shuffled forward some more.
Katsuki didn't think he was suicidal by any means, but if almost dying felt this exhilarating, it made ending it all a little too tempting.
Katsuki heard the slight squeak of the roof door opening, alerting him to another presence, but he wasn't bothered enough to turn around and see who it was. His heart pounded.
What if it was a league member again?
Maybe they'd push Katsuki and end things for him.
Or maybe shitty hair had grown a brain cell and deduced Katuski's location all on his own, but Katsuki wasn't counting on that miracle.
It could have been Aizawa who'd probably gotten an alert that Katsuki was wandering around at night unattended.
He exhaled, forcing himself to calm down.
What did it matter who it was?
He didn't want to work himself up for nothing. Whoever it was, he could probably deal with them.
The question was whether or not he wanted to.
He’d settled into the dorms after being kidnapped, living day by day with this unsettling apathy.
He couldn't bring himself to care about anything; his usual anger had left him, and what else did Katsuki have but his anger?
Did it even matter?
Tonight was the first time he'd felt alive in so long, and he cursed himself for not trying this sooner.
Did anything matter?
He wanted to be a hero, to be the number 1, but why?
He couldn't make sense of his own motivations anymore. At 6, when he decided he would become the number 1, it was because of All Might, and because young Katsuki found him cool and strong.
How superficial of him.
What else did he have, though?
Katsuki did all the things he had to do to become a hero. Went through the motions, trained and studied hard—everything he needed to do to ensure that he excelled.
He was proud of it at first, but even that small satisfaction withered away into nothingness.
Excellence became the norm, it was his new baseline. Celebrating his achievements would be the same as celebrating brushing his teeth or tying his shoelaces. A complete waste of time.
“Shit,” Katuski swore under his breath, chuckling at his own internal spiralling.
Who knew just sitting on a rooftop would trigger an existential crisis for him?
Katsuki didn't have to care about anything to become something. He could become the number 1 even without a dramatic reason. Would do it simply to prove that he could.
That would have to be enough for him.
The person that had been slowly making their way towards him now crouched beside him.
“What you doin’ up here all alone, lil listener?” Mic made a show of shivering. “It's freezing out here.”
Out of all the annoying and potentially dangerous people who could have found him, this was by far the worst-case scenario.
“Obviously not alone anymore,” Katsuki sighed, slightly aggrieved that his spontaneous philosophising had come to such an unsatisfying end.
“Too right that is, kid,” Mic chuckled.
Katsuki didn't know what it was about life that this guy found so entertaining. Katsuki didn't think smiling and laughing 24/7 was natural at all.
”Guess I'll have to ask a different question, huh, listener. What’s got you sitting on the ledge of a 6-story building at this time of night when there's a perfectly good party you could be at?”
“That's a long-ass question.”
Mic just tilted his head, refusing to speak up again. The silence stretched on for a moment too long, and Katsuki cursed whoever sent this busybody to bother him.
“I'm not gonna throw myself off if that's what you're worried about, now scram.”
“Admiring the view then,” Mic said. Katsuki could hear the relief in the man's voice, and it made him nauseous. Katsuki was many things, but a liar wasn't one of them and it seemed that this night was bringing out the worst in him. “Why don't you admire the view from a safer distance? Preferably, safe inside through a window with your two feet on the ground. It's all the same, ya’know.”
“I like sitting here; it’s weird.”
Shit.
The chill was finally starting to get to him; his mind felt muddled, and his thoughts were getting less and less coherent. Because of his stupid quirk drawbacks he was also rapidly losing his brain-to-mouth filter.
“How so?”
“It makes me feel alive.”
Katsuki pinched himself to clear the brain fog.
Focus on the pain, Katsuki.
Mic inhaled sharply. His brows furrowed in what looked, to Katsuki, like anger.
What did Mr Sunshine and Rainbows have to be angry about?
The man ended up nodding,” I knew someone who thought the same thing.”
“Everyone knows hobo-sensei likes roofs, no need to be vague.”
There was a moment of silence before Mic let out an ear-piercing laugh, and the uncharacteristic fury from a second ago was nowhere to be seen. Katsuki almost thought that he made it up.
“HOBO-SENSEI,” Katsuki winced as the man continued to howl obnoxiously, “that was a good one. I'm telling Aizawa you called him that, by the way. But no, I wasn't talking about him.”
Katsuki remained silent, waiting for Mic to continue.
Sure, his curiosity had been piqued, but he wasn't going to ask. Katsuki didn't want to seem eager and look too intrigued. Besides, most people found silence uncomfortable, so it would be any minute now before Mic went and answered everything before Katsuki even had to ask..
“It was a boy, same age as you are now actually.”
Hook, line, and sinker. Katsuki held back a smirk.
”Y’know the theory that people's quirks affect their personalities? Dunno if it's true for everyone, but for him it definitely was. At least that's my theory.”
Katsuki had no clue what Mic was getting at and gave in, asking, “What was his quirk”
“Cloud. He could make clouds dense enough to carry himself and others,” Mic leaned back sighing as he looked at the night sky, “He really abused that power y’know. When the teachers weren't looking, he'd float around from class to class.”
“How lazy,” Katsuki cut in.
“Aww, jealous your explosions are too loud for you to fly around unnoticed?”
“Fuck off.”
“As I was saying, listener,” Mic chuckled at the petulant look on Katsuki's face before barreling on, “I think his quirk made him instinctively want to be as high up as possible. Maybe it was to get close to real clouds. Who knows? He would go missing for hours and end up being found at the top of a building, each one higher than the last, sat so close to falling off. Drove me up the wall, but he couldn't help it. Said it made him feel alive.”
Mic stopped talking, a faraway look in his eyes, and Katsuki could tell from his fond expression that he was reminiscing.
Mic made no attempt to leave but didn't continue chattering on like Katsuki expected him to. It was oddly relaxing. Katsuki was surprised the man was even capable of silence in general, let alone a mildly comforting one.
Asking what happened to the boy was the most obvious question to ask. But unlike other Extras in his class, Katsuki could read the room. Mic spoke about the boy only in the past tense, and Katsuki was smart enough to recognise that whatever happened to the boy, it wasn't anything good.
Asking about it would likely upset the man, but that didn't mean Katsuki wasn't going to search for it later himself.
“What was his name?”
Mic snapped out of his trance, smiling wistfully, “Shirakumo Oboro.”
“Was he going to be a hero as well? Cloud sounds pretty fucking useful, or did his lazy ass only use it to avoid walking?”
The answering smile was wide and bright, and Katsuki turned away, looking down at a random streetlamp.He was unable to handle the intensity of having someone's positive attention aimed solely at him.
Katsuki thrived off of attention when it came to sparring, but that was different. A post-fight smirk was one thing, but soft smiles was another.
Katsuki never could handle softness. Whether it was his dad’s, stupid Deku’s or shitty hair who all handed warmth out so freely. It set him on edge and he never had anything to return to them.
It was frustrating how easy it was for them to display their happiness and care.
It seemed that Katsuki had asked the right question because Mic spoke loudly and at length about Oboro.
His pastel blue hair and matching pastel clouds.
The stray cat he named and claimed at first sight.
The agency he dreamed of opening up.
The rescue mission that ended it all.
“S’not fair,” Katsuki mumbled, ”Crappy heroes are everywhere; take ‘Mr Number 1 on a technicality’ as a prime example. Damn loser. S’not fair at all. Why do good heroes have to hurt?”
Oboro was one of many good heroes who suffered all whilst Midnight and stupid Kamui fucking Woods could just prance around unburdened.
Maybe Katsuki just held a grudge against those two specifically for the way they handled the sports festival and the sludge incident respectively, but his point remained.
He hadn't even become a true hero yet, and it was so draining. He hurt all the damn time.
He cringed at his own candidness and quickly changed the topic, ”If you two created the agency, it would probably be called some dumb shit like Loud Cloud or something.”
Katsuki internally winced, waiting for the eventual scolding he would get. His lack of filter and the blasé way he spoke of the dead would probably piss Mic off, but he couldn’t be bothered to censor himself.
He wouldn’t take back his earlier statement either; most heroes these days were shit, and he hated them, including himself.
He was caught by surprise once again, though, when Mic started laughing. It started as a slow chuckle and ended with Mic doubled over in hysterics. Katsuki yanked at the man’s arm to keep him from falling off the ledge.
How unaware could someone get, seriously?
“What the hell, you tryna die, old man?” Katsuki couldn’t believe the stupidity. Accidentally giggling yourself off a roof had to be the most dumbest way to die.
“Hear that, Oboro?” Mic didn’t hear Katsuki, still clutching his chest, mumbling, “Loud Cloud, I told ya.”
Katsuki was starting to feel like he was missing out on something or that Mic was even crazier than he thought. He held on to the man’s arm, gripping the leather jacket, not trusting him to stay balanced.
He should have been irritated that his quiet had been interrupted, but he still couldn't summon his usual insults. Mic had already proven he could be half decent when he shut his mouth, and to Katsuki it made his existence infinitely less grating.
Eventually they headed back in, Mic watching like a hawk until Katsuki was inside the dorms again.
The party seemed to be coming to an end, which Katsuki was grateful for. Mic patted his shoulder before heading towards Aizawa.
Katsuki was confused; he was sure the man would have handed him over to Aizawa for breaking the rules, but he didn’t. Mic was getting less and less shittier by the minute.
He mentally promised to stop being so judgy- and he wondered if it was something he inherited from the hag.
Katsuki shuddered at the thought of unknowingly acting like her. He would choose to become excessively saintly and forgiving if it meant separating himself from her.
He nodded slightly at Kirishima, who beamed at him, before heading towards his room. Katsuki didn't know why such a small gesture from him made Kirishima so happy, but was too tired to question it.
Once he was safely locked into his room, he was met with immediate silence that was deafening and all-encompassing. That was another reason why he hated being around people for too long.
He’d get used to the noise, the jokes, the laughter and then get to his room and be left with nothing but his thoughts.
Katsuki finally gave in to the urge to nestle into a pile of warm blankets, almost groaning in relief.
In the day, he could study, train and blast music as loud as possible so he didn’t have to hear his own thoughts, but at night he was left completely at their mercy.
Katsuki couldn't help feeling a little defective — having a mind that was constantly working against him.
Tonight, though, it wasn't the league that invaded his thoughts, but the boy with pastel blue hair.
Katsuki thought about the kind of hero Oboro could have become if his future wasn’t stolen from him.
Katsuki thought about the kind of hero that he wanted to become, and for the first time ever, it wasn’t All Might he pictured.