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Two Time gasped, feeling sharp spikes plunge into their chest. It was ironic, in a way, how Azure was the one doing this to them. They used to love each other, and Two Time could almost remember their happy times laying together in the grass.
Suddenly, the dagger they were clutching onto was pulled roughly from their grasp, only one person could be holding it now. They braced themself for it, quickly feeling the sharp sting of the knife being slashed into their throat. They only had small gasps to make before falling to the ground.
“We’ll meet again, Thomas.” He spoke coldly, not sparing a second glance to their body. Yet, something felt wrong in their chest. As they suddenly found themself back in the main cabin, on their knees panting and holding onto their robes. But it wasn’t from the phantom pain, no they were used to that by now—
It was that name wasn’t it. Their old name. The name they had before.
Why did he call them that? Didn’t he know how they felt about that? And-and it was in front of everyone too… Everyone knows about their impure name now.
They could remember Amarah’s lesson deep in their core. When they were granted this new name, they were told, ‘don’t ever let anyone find out about your old name.’ He wanted them to stay pure and holy, and by accepting this new name they would be. That’s why they couldn’t be called that… other name instead.
But now the others know. And it wouldn’t be long before their holy name is forgotten, left behind for that disgusting name they were given at birth. It made them feel sick, a churn in their stomach that made it hard to breathe. Thomas… was not their name. It was not their name.
Their name was Two Time. They were perfect, holy Two Time. They were the nonbinary, happy Two Time. They were not Thomas! Not anymore!
Why did Azure… of all people, say that name? He knew how much they fought to get their new name. He celebrated along with them when they were made holy! Wasn’t he happy they were happy now? Was it all a lie?
Did he only ever see them as who they were? Did he really only ever call them Thomas? Did he even refer to them by their preferred pronouns when they weren’t listening? Did he really hate them that much? Did he truly believe they didn’t deserve to be happy?
They felt tears fill their eyes. It’s been a long time since they last cried. They couldn’t stop it now. They thought he was happy for them, they thought he loved them! Was every time he would hold them close and whisper comforts in their ear as they were feeling dysphoric, a lie? Did he even mean anything he ever said?
They feebly crawled onto the couch, staring down at the wooden floor as they felt their world come crashing down. Their tears seeped into their pants, but they couldn’t stop crying. Was he that cruel? Did he truly believe they couldn’t never escape the name Thomas?
They felt like they were young again. Back when they were unholy. When looking in the mirror made them feel sick, and they would avoid showers because their body just looked wrong. When they would cry every night, knowing there was something deeply wrong with them.
Did he want them to go back to that? The room felt like it was spinning as the idea hit their mind. Did he hate their happiness? Did he take joy in their sorrow? Was all the comfort, care, joy, a lie? Did he stick around just to see them break, and laugh as they cry?
Their whole body hiccuped as their breath hitched. They brought their knees to their chest, falling into the deep desire to curl up and never be seen again. They would never look at themself the same. They’d just see every little gendered feature, every little thing they tried to leave behind.
Someone else was in the cabin, then another, and another. Before anyone knew it, about half the people were dead. But Two Time couldn’t care, they could only feel the walls closing in. They could only hear the ringing in their ears and the tears in their eyes and the press of their nails into their legs.
Someone sat next to them on the couch, they didn’t know who. All they knew was the other person was trying to say something, but they couldn’t hear it. “…wo Time, it’s okay, it’s okay. Just breathe, take a deep breath, okay?” The word managed to get through, and cautiously they listened.
They heard the other voice, as it drew in a loud, deep breath, then blew it out. They followed the guide, breathing in and out. As they followed the breaths, it felt easier to breathe. Their lungs were no longer on fire, and their head was no longer hazy.
“That’s better isn’t it?” The other person said quietly, getting them to work up enough courage to glance up at them. 007n7 sheepishly smiled at their stare, as they recognized him finally. They were so upset that their brain wanted him to be Azure so badly.
“Why don’t we stand up, and go to the kitchen. I’ll make you a glass of water?” He asked quietly, as if he were talking to a panicked cat. Still, they appreciated the quiet, finding their mind far too loud. He offered his hand, as they silently took it, feeling the oddness in their legs as they finally stretched them out.
They leaned on him slightly as they both walked towards the kitchen, only stopping at a table for 007n7 to usher them into a chair. They accepted it easily, finding sitting to be easier than standing. At least the ringing their ears had quieted enough for them to hear a glass be filled.
007n7 walked back over, placing the glass down on the table in front of them. They glanced at him again, then looked down at their water. Gratefully, they wrapped their hand around the glass, taking comfort in the cold feeling on their palm, and gulped down the water.
They hadn’t realized how thirsty they were until they had taken the first sip. Before they knew it they drank the whole glass. They looked up subtly, noticing 007n7 sitting at the table with them. “That’s better right?” He asked, and they nodded in response.
“Do you wanna talk about it?” They shook their head quickly, finding any sounds aside from screams hard to make. “That’s alright, we can just sit for a bit, I’ll stay as long as you need me.” They made some sort of sound, they were going for a ‘thank you’ but all that came out was some sort of mumble.
They felt relief from the lack of pressure on their chest, as they laid their head on the table in front of them. Their warm cheeks were cooled by the wood, comforting.
The sound of people appearing out of nowhere signaled the round ending. They wanted to ask who won, but Shedletsky was always good at making that answer clear. “That new killer is nothing!” He shouted loudly, pretty much alerting everyone it was a survivor win.
“I think he was distracted by something, he didn’t seem fully focused.” Guest 1337 responded, nervously rubbing the back of his neck. Two Time shut their eyes quietly, wanting to let the conversation of the others turn to white noise. They might be able to enjoy a nice nap—
“Hey, Thomas, did you know that guy?”
They shot up suddenly, finding any drowsiness entirely gone. Who called them that? Who referred to them like that? Why can’t they be holy again? They looked around like they were searching for a predator, only to see Shedletsky entirely referring to them.
“That’s what he called you, right? Thomas?” Hearing the name again made their skin crawl. Shedletsky was calling them Thomas. Oh god, everyone knew didn’t they? They could all see the improper body hair, the shoulders, the face. It was obvious wasn’t it? That they weren’t born right.
“My name… isnotThomas.” The words fell out of their mouth like a waterfall, even saying that name felt wrong. “T-Two Time is my proper name, my good name, my holy name, I am not Thomas.”
“But I’m pretty sure he called you Thomas? Is it like some special nickname or something? I wanna be able to call you Thomas too—“ They hated this. Why, why, why did Azure have to say that name. This was all wrong, their skin prickled and their breath picked up.
“Not-not Thomas— my name, my name is not Thomas! I’m not Thomas, I’m holy now, I moved on from all of that!” They shouted, feeling a pressure on their chest yet again.
“Awww, so only he gets to call you Thomas? But it’s such a cute name! I wanna call you Thomas!” Shedletsky said mindlessly, but each time they heard it they felt like they got the air knocked out of them. It felt like they were being dragged back down, back to who they were before.
“Shedletsky… I…” 007n7 spoke quietly, not enough for Shedletsky to hear him. Shedletsky just kept saying that name, over and over, Two Time was falling apart.
“Stop! Please!” They shouted loudly. “I am not Thomas, I am not, I am not! I’m not Thomas, I’m better now, I moved on, didn’t I?” The tears were falling again, their voice was cracking from the strength behind their shouting. “I’m Two Time now, I was supposed to leave all of this behind with Thomas!”
They said, their final word as they pushed away from all the prying eyes on them. Everyone who could see beneath this disguise. They all knew. Two Time was never nonbinary in their eyes, never in anyone’s eyes. They were always seen as gendered, no matter how hard they fight.
Amarah lied to them, didn’t he? He lied when he said they were holy. He lied when he said they could be the gender they wanted to be. He lied, just like Azure did.
They slammed the door to their cabin behind them, and placed a chair at the door to barricade it. They covered any windows, closed and locked any doors. They needed to stay away from all those eyes, all those people who knew who they were trying to leave behind.
They wished Azure was here. When they first transitioned, he always held them when they felt dysphoric. In this tight hug, that would tell them everything is going to be okay. And when they’d cry, he’d remind them that he will always see them just like they want him to.
The memories only hurt now. He lied on every breath, he never saw them like they wanted him to. He just saw them as Thomas. Did he even call them Two Time when talking to others? It seemed unlikely right now, with how easily he called them that name.
They wished they could just die right now.
⋆⁺₊⋆ ━━━━⊱༒︎ • ༒︎⊰━━━━ ⋆⁺₊⋆
Azure wasn’t sure what happened when he got back from that round. Before he left for it, everyone was happy to see him. 1x1x1x1 had greeted him with a hand on his shoulder, something that meant a lot according to the red child. Noli complimented his purple coloring and promised to play games with him when he got back. John Doe nodded in his direction. Slasher did a sort of growl hum that seemed welcoming. The guest sort of chuffed at him, and even that old vampire said hello.
Yet, when he got back from the round, no one tried to say anything to him. Noli instantly ran when he wanted to ask to play something, the more nonverbal killers glared at him. Killers he didn’t even see before the round hid from him. 1x1x1x1 almost attacked him on sight. Even the child crossed his arms and looked away from him when he tried to say something.
What in the world could he have done that was so insane? He just killed a few people, and judging by the others, that wasn’t that insane of a thing to do. The fucking giant monster that liked to prowl the woods was apparently more forgivable than him? That fucking thing has definitely eaten people!
He sighed, taking a second try at existing in the general area. He sat on the couch, not really doing anything aside from waiting for someone else to come out so he could try and talk again. If the approaching footsteps were anything, his next change would be soon.
The person who came in was, in fact, 1x1x1x1. They thankfully didn’t look towards Azure, so he took the opportunity to get closer. He didn’t really want to pick fights with other killers on his first day, but he was left with no choice. Using his tentacles, he grabbed onto them, turning them upside down and preventing them from running.
They gasped when they felt the sudden change of scenery, only to scowl when they recognized Azure in their vision. Azure huffed at their grumpy face, raising them further from the floor. “You want to tell me why no one will talk to me?” He asked, crossing his arms.
1x1x1x1 blinked at him a few times. “You did something horrible.” They said, oh so very helpfully. Azure growled in annoyance, shaking them a few times to feel better.
“Can you at least tell me what I did? Last I checked, that round didn’t have anything earth shatteringly disgusting in it! Like, all I did was kill people, you’ve done that before!” He shouted back, uncrossing his arms to gesture in annoyance. They just stared at him, their eye twitching a few times.
“You fucking deadnamed Two Time, that’s what you did!” They finally admitted, getting him to pause and also drop them very unceremoniously. They stood up quickly, dusting themself off. “Seriously, all of us take issue with it. We are either trans or very close with trans friends, so we don’t take deadnaming casually.”
“I—“ Azure tried to say a rebuttal, but the realization hit him. He did deadname them, didn’t he? Oh god, he felt horrible now! He had wanted to refer to them by something other than that stupidly granted spawn (or as they called it ‘holy’) name, and he knew they had gone by Thomas before.
“1x. You have to believe me.” He said sternly, grabbing their shoulders. “I did NOT mean to deadname them! I just didn’t want to call them by the name Two Time, because the Spawn ‘gifted’ them that name, and I hate the Spawn! I hadn't even realized that was their deadname!”
1x1x1x1 stared at him for a little while, completely silent. “Are you being serious?” They asked, deadpan. He nodded quickly, desperate to get them to understand him. There were a few seconds of pure silence, before they laughed incredibly loudly at him.
“My god, you’re such an idiot!” They said between laughs, making his face burn in embarrassment. Though, admittedly, they were right. He was an idiot. He had just deadnamed Two Time in front of everyone, and if he knew them well, and he did, they’d probably be in a dysphoria spiral right now.
He had been there to help them out every time before, would they be okay now? The last time he took longer than usual to help out in one of their deeper spirals, he walked in on them almost bleeding out on the floor. He needed to see them. Now.
“1x- this is no— er, well, you can laugh, but I need your help!” He shouted, grabbing onto them. They paused their laughter momentarily, just to listen to his request. “Is there a way I can go see them? I need to talk to them.” He asked, frowning in all seriousness.
1x1x1x1 was silent, then glanced around. “I know a way, but if you tell anyone about it I’ll kill you.” They said, looking at him in a way that showed they would keep up with their threat.
“I promise I won’t tell anyone, I just need to go now.” Azure said, raising his hand above his head. They stared at him a little bit longer, judging him for a moment before they grabbed onto his arm and started to power walk. He barely kept up with them, considering they walked very fast.
They both went up to the forested area, entering it and walking forward. “Do you know where you’re going?” Azure asked, as it seemed they were just walking around aimlessly in the woods.
1x1x1x1 angrily shushed him. “Shut up. I know what I’m doing.” They added, looking at the ground and seeing a rock. They turned to one side, and as if following a path, walked forward occasionally making small turns. Until finally, they had found themselves in another cabined area, this one having many more cabins with slightly less quality.
Azure wanted to walk straight into the middle, but 1x1x1x1 grabbed him. “Idiot. People will see you if you do that. We need to sneak around behind the cabins.” They explained, already walking off without him. He almost fell twice before he managed to keep up.
“How do we know which cabin is theirs?” He asked, glancing at them. They didn’t respond, only looked intensely at each cabin they passed by before stopping very suddenly.
“This is theirs.” They said, pointing towards the side which held a few carved in symbols of the spawn. Azure pushed off the shiver that went down his spine looking at the image, instead looking at the windows, only to notice they were all covered. He was going to ask them what to do, only to see they were already walking towards the door.
He instantly panicked, wanting to say something only to get cut off by a gasp. “1x!” The other voice shouted, clearly pulling them into a hug by how suddenly they disappeared from the side of the cabin. He walked forward, seeing 1x1x1x1 actually smiling as they held onto 007n7.
“It’s nice to see you Seven.” They responded, in a surprisingly soft tone. It felt almost intimate, and made Azure deeply wonder what kind of relationship these two had.
“I’m happy to see you too—“ 007n7 cut himself off, as he suddenly noticed Azure. “You.” He said in a tone that sent a shiver down Azure’s spine. 1x1x1x1 let go of him, as he very quickly went up to Azure. “What the fuck were you thinking? Just calling them by their dead name in the middle of a round? Did you want them to feel dysphoric? I know you guys clearly have some history, but even that is taking it too far.”
“I— I know. I’m sorry.” Azure looked down, not wanting to maintain eye contact. “I-I— It was a mistake to put it plainly, and I know they’re probably not taking it well.”
“Yeah, that much is obvious considering they’re currently barricading themself in their cabin and refusing to let anyone look at them! You should feel sorry, and make this shit right. Apologize in some sort of way, give them that at least.” He ended his rant with a huff, glaring at Azure deeply.
Azure sighed, honestly accepting the words. He really did fuck up by doing that, thankfully he knew how to make it right. “Okay. I’ll do that.” He said, walking up to the door without any input from the other two. Trying the handle, it was clear Two Time had put something behind the door.
He sighed again, before suddenly pushing against the door with enough force to move the chair out of the way. As soon as he got inside, he closed the door behind him, not wanting Two Time any more uncomfortable than they needed to be. The inside wasn’t exactly what he wanted to see.
First of all, practically every surface had the spawn symbol on it somewhere. If the item didn’t come with it originally, Two Time had carved it in as best they could. Second of all, any and all reflective surfaces were covered. This wasn’t all too surprising, but it was something Two Time only did when they were feeling especially dysphoric.
God, Azure was feeling especially horrible right now.
Third of all, Two Time was sitting on the middle of the floor clutching the dagger in their hand, ready to push it into their skin. They paused when Azure came in, looking up at him with a look in their eyes that made his undead heart shatter.
They stared with these eyes that screamed betrayal, and desperation at the same time. As if they were telling him to leave and stay, mixing together on their face. Their cheeks were red, tears were still falling down them. They didn’t have any recognizable emotion on their face, maybe except for shock.
Then, it seemed to hit them, as they dropped their dagger, and opted to hold onto themself. Azure went to say something, but they spoke first. “Please-please leave.”
“Two Time… I’m not going to do that.” He responded, getting closer to them. They didn’t back away at least, that was good. “I’m sorry.” He started, as they flinched, seeming shocked from the words. They also relaxed a little, he might be able to calm them down. “I didn’t—“
“Did you ever mean it… when you called me Two Time?” They asked quietly, now bringing their knees to their chest, looking down. Azure stared silently for a moment, watching them. “Or was it all just a lie? Did you lie to me everyday, and pretend you actually cared?”
They had taken this not well, Azure felt really, really guilty now. “Two Time, please, just listen for a moment.” He just needed to explain this. “I didn’t mean to deadname you. I just, I don’t… trust the spawn anymore, and I hate the idea of calling you by a name given by the spawn. I knew you were called that name before, so I had wanted to call you that instead. It hadn’t hit me what it meant until afterward.”
They silently glanced up at him. “And I meant, and will always mean it every time I tell you that you are who you are. I never lied, I mean it every time I tell you that you look androgynous. I mean it when I say that people who gender you are just seeing you wrong.”
Their breath hitched, as they suddenly stood up. They were still a little dizzy, swaying on their feet. Azure immediately went in, holding onto them so they wouldn’t fall over. The second his hands were on them, they grabbed tightly onto him. “I missed you.” They whispered, shoving their face into his chest.
Azure knew they meant it. Their voice was so gentle, it sounded like it might shatter. He didn't want to say it, but he truly missed them too. Slowly, he adjusted his hold to hug them back, taking in that all too familiar feeling of them pressed against him.
They pulled away slightly, just enough so they could look into each other’s eyes. His hand automatically went to their cheek, wiping away the tears that sat there. They took a sharp breath, before leaning in a little. They stopped right before their lips pressed against his.
He paused too, feeling their breath on his lips. He wasn’t sure if this was a good idea. It reminded him of the millions of times they kissed before, sneaking behind the church to hold each other close. But it also trudged up memories of a knife stabbed into his chest.
He leaned in a little bit more, less than an inch of space between their lips. He hesitated, stuck in his thoughts. Then their hand went to his hair, and he knew what he wanted.
He filled in the space, pressing their lips together finally. Two Time very quickly closed their eyes, pressing in even though there was barely any space between them. He held tighter onto them, accepting the comfort more than anything. For a moment, they were both happy.
Then he separated. “I love you.” Two Time whispered, resting their head against his chest. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry Azure, I’m so so sorry.” They cried, their hands tightening on his shirt. “I’m sorry, I swear, I’m sorry.” He just placed a hand on their back, gently rubbing circles into it.
They looked up at him, and he moved to wipe away their tears yet again. They leaned into his touch, nuzzling into his hand like a cat. His heart melted at the comparison, finding it incredibly hard to be mad at Two Time when they were like this. They were just so cute!
Suddenly, they leaned in again, getting another kiss in. He laughed quietly at their desperation, but smiled as they grabbed onto him again. It really did feel like they were back in time.
A loud slam on the door made them both jump. “Azure, hurry up in there, we should probably head back soon before the Spectre notices anything.” Ah, just like when they wanted to kiss back in the cult. He looked back at Two Time, hoping to make some sort of joke, only to see them frowning.
“I guess you can’t stay…?” They asked quietly, looking to the side. Azure frowned back, shaking his head. They curled in on themself some more, looking down at the ground now.
He wouldn’t have this! He grabbed onto their hands, which were just as cold as they always were, and spoke. “I promise to come back.” They finally looked back at him, a sort of shocked look on their face. But when they met eye to eye, they seemed to recognize his devotion.
“You promise?” They repeated, interlocking their fingers with his. They were starting to smile too, finding hope in such a hopeless situation. He smiled, feeling their hands warm up in his.
“I promise.” He concluded, bringing their hands up to his face to kiss at their knuckles. It was such a small gesture, but they giggled in response to it. It had been so long since he’d seen them actually happy. Finally, Two Time went with him towards the door.
Their hands were still interlocked as they left the cabin. Two Time was shocked to see both 007n7 and 1x1x1x1 waiting outside their cabin. “Ready to go?” 1x1x1x1 asked, blushing weirdly before already walking off without a response. Very like them to do that.
“Let’s go.” Azure responded, sadly letting go of Two Time’s hand to follow 1x1x1x1. They watched as he left, but they didn’t exactly feel too sad, because they knew he’d be back. He promised he would be. Before they both disappeared into the woods, he took one glance back at Two Time to wave goodbye.
They felt their face warm, but they still smiled as they waved back, feeling that bubbly feeling in their chest. It was only when Azure was fully out of their view that it hit them.
“Oh spawn, I’m in love with a killer.” They whispered, the truth of this finally dawning on them. Sure, they were dating him before all this, but it was far easier to call a killer their ex than their current partner. Before they could spiral any further, they felt a hand on their shoulder.
“Been there.” 007n7 responded, looking fondly into the distance. They were going to ask how, when the question of why 1x1x1x1 was there got answered. Their jaw fell at the realization, and 007n7 noticed their shock, responding by nervously looking to the side.
“You and 1x—“
“Shush.”
⋆⁺₊⋆ ━━━━⊱༒︎ • ༒︎⊰━━━━ ⋆⁺₊⋆
After a very long conversation, both 007n7 and Two Time were returning to the main cabin. They wanted to apologize to Shedletsky, and also tell everyone to never ever use that name ever again.
However, the second they came back into the main cabin, Shedletsky ran up to them. “Two Time, I am so sorry!” He shouted, his eyes full of tears. They didn’t even get a second before he pulled them into a tight hug. They just sat there confused for a moment.
“Why are you apologizing?” They asked, trying to look at him despite being trapped in his admittedly comfortable arms. He finally let them go, his hands now sitting on their shoulders.
“For deadnaming you! Chance and Noob explained it to me, I’m really sorry!” He finally explained, giving Two Time a moment to glance over at Chance and Noob to internally thank them before he spoke again. “I won’t ever do it again, I swear!” He said, tears in his eyes still.
“It’s… alright…” This whole situation was confusing for them, they weren’t exactly used to this much positive attention. At most they’d get a glare or something while they worshipped Spawn, but this was actually really nice. “Please don’t ever call me by that name again, that goes for everyone.”
Everyone who was listening agreed to do so in some way, whether that be by humming, nodding, whatever. It was comforting to them, they knew they didn’t have to be worried.
“You want to sit on the couch? We can relax for a little before doing anything.” 007n7 offered, smiling warmly. It was practically infectious, as they smiled warmly back. They nodded, taking a seat as 007n7 grabbed a blanket. It was nice since they were prone to getting cold easily.
“Are you hungry?” 007n7 asked, as they nodded in response. “I’ll go get you something.” He stood up, and they wrapped the blanket around themself tighter. It was surprisingly comfortable, and they were glad to spend their time here. In the kitchen they heard a quiet “Taph?”
Before they could question it, Taph themself showed up from behind the counter. In their hands was a plate, with a cake on it! Two Time gasped seeing it, as Taph came up to them.
On the cake, it simply said, ‘sorry we all heard your deadname Two Time.’ They blinked a few times after seeing it. “🎂➡️🫵” Taph said, as Two Time took the cake out of their hands so they could actually sign. ‘I wanted to make you something, sweets are always nice.’
Two Time blinked again, now feeling tears gather in their eyes. “Thank you.” They whispered, looking down at the cake again and smiling at the words written on it.
“Why don’t we go ahead and enjoy this?” 007n7 asked, getting Two Time to nod and stand up. For what they thought would be a life ruining moment, they were happy. They had cake, people who cared, and the confirmation that Azure had still loved them.
Maybe they would be okay.