Chapter Text
“Hey, Captain, there seems to be—“ Purple said as they entered the Navigation room, expecting to see Red piloting the ship. They stopped in place upon seeing the contest winner—not the captain, and not even staff—piloting the ship instead. Red, Orange, and the new intern stood next to them as they laughed and jerked the controls around. “Woah!” Purple exclaimed, now entering for a very different concern as they pointed at them. “Is the contest winner flying the ship?”
“Purple...” Red laughed. “Yes. Uh, uh, they’re doing it for a very captain-ly reason that, uh, I will say—“
Suddenly, there was a loud clunk that rattled the whole ship, and the room suddenly started jerking side-to-side, throwing everyone who was standing off-balance. The emergency lights flashed red above them as alarms blared out, and a robotic voice droned:
ALERT. HULL BREACH. COMMS COMPROMISED.
Red pulled themself up onto the control panel with a grunt, and cried out, “We’ve struck an asteroid!”
ALERT. CRITICAL SYSTEMS COMPROMISED.
“Oh, this sort of thing happens to me all the time,” the contest winner reassured them very un-reassuringly. “Don’t worry, someone will fix it!” Purple pulled themself up onto the panel beside Red to yell at the contest winner.
“We have to fix it!”
* * *
They all rushed to Storage as quickly as they could without falling over, while the ship swerved concerningly around them. Purple forced their way into the crowd that had formed behind it before stretching up to get a closer look through the window, and their heart dropped immediately: a massive hole had been torn into the ship, sucking everything in the room that didn’t weigh at least a ton into the void of outer space. Even then, the crates of Ore+ were sliding towards it, and the metal around the ship was bending from the pressure of the vacuum.
“You idiot! You’re going to kill us all!” Black yelled from the front of the crowd. Purple pushed their way further up.
“Don’t worry about it, dawg. I got this,” Lime responded. Their hand was hovering over the buttons to open the door.
Fuck.
Black and Purple reached forward to stop Lime right as they punched in a button, and the doors slid open, sucking everyone towards the vast expanse of space. At the same time, the crates of Ore+ got close enough to the tear in the wall for the pull to lift them into the air, and the biggest one slammed directly over it opening-first, compressing itself over the hole and launching every bit of Ore+ inside it into space. The ship swerved again, and everyone who’d been pulled into Storage first was tossed upwards and back onto the ground. Purple’s leg slammed into a barrel, and a large, fraying chunk of metal went straight through their leg, breaking off inside as they hit the ground. For a moment, all they felt in their leg was a strange warmth, wetness, and pressure—which, they corrected themself almost deliriously, was not strange at all since the limb had just been impaled and was bleeding out. Then the pain caught up to them, exploding in their leg and radiating up their body until they passed out.
* * *
Blue hauled themself up off the floor. Pain shot through the bottom part of their leg, and they looked down and saw that it was squished—which was concerning, but likely not as concerning as the injuries the rest of the crew had sustained. They pressed a hand to their temple, fighting off a wave of dizziness, so that they could—
“NO! THE ORE PLUS!” Orange howled nearby, loud enough to make Blue sway on their feet as they tried again to regain their bearings. After a moment to collect themself, they turned to Orange, quickly assessing them for injuries, and came to the conclusion that—physically—there was nothing wrong with them, aside from a couple bruises. Mentally, it seemed to be a whole different matter. “Someone has to—someone has to go into space and get them!” they sobbed, tears running down from their visor.
“I don’t think we can do that,” Yellow said dryly from somewhere near the door, picking themself off the ground and offering a hand to Brown, who was lying next to them. Blue also gave them both a quick visual assessment for injuries, before concluding they were probably fine, too.
“Oh god, management is gonna demote me!” Red cried out.
“Management is gonna kill me!” Orange choked, before collapsing into a sobbing fit.
“That too!”
Despite the hysterics of a certain portion of the crew, they all seemed mostly fine. Blue breathed out a sigh of relief. That was 4/10 of the other crew members, alive and unharmed from the incident. Then they looked to their right and almost fell back over.
White, Purple, and Lime were all lying unconscious on the floor. Everything between being sucked in and getting up was a blur, but now that they were looking at the crewmates, the memories came rushing back: Lime slamming into the ceiling before dropping headfirst to the ground, White slamming back-first onto the edge of one of the smaller crates, and Purple landing straight on a barrel as a shard of metal went through their leg. Aside from those three, Cyan was lying on the ground with a cracked visor as Black hauled themself off of them, and Green was huddling in the corner, looking very traumatized. Blue hobbled over to the injured crewmates as quickly as they could.
* * *
Purple opened their visor and groaned as the sounds echoing around the room washed over them.
“...report to MIRA HQ…”
“...thanks for blocking my fall, I guess? Jeez, that looks pretty…”
“...handbook! Where’s my handbook?!” They recognized that voice immediately as Red’s and groaned again, this time with annoyance that Red was actually thinking about their stupid handbook right now. Lifting their head slightly, they saw the handbook sitting a few feet away from them. It must’ve slipped out of Red’s backpack. Impulsively, they reached out and snatched the book, sticking it in their own backpack. Wincing, they maneuvered themself into a sitting position while trying their best not to move their leg, before taking stock of the room around them.
Red was patting a crying Orange on the back, which Yellow and Brown watched with a mixture of concern and annoyance. Brown was more concerned than annoyed, while Yellow was staring daggers at them both. Lime was lying unconscious between the pairs, and seemed to have been turned on their side by somebody. Right then, that somebody exited from behind a crate and beelined towards Purple. Purple let out a sigh of relief.
Oh thank god, it’s the hot doctor.
“Purple!” Blue speedwalked over to them, visor burning with determination despite their noticeable limp. “I see you’ve woken up. How are you feeling?”
“I’m—I’m—” Purple blushed and stammered as Blue pressed a hand to their chest. “Great, actually! Uh, aside from, uh… the leg.” Blue hummed in a way that should not have been hot, but was extremely hot simply because it was a mannerism performed by them.
“Thankfully, your bone doesn’t seem to be broken. I don’t see any injuries other than the leg wound, but your heart rate is unusually high considering you passed out less than a minute ago.” Purple blushed harder. Blue looked at their face and sighed. “Nevermind, your heartrate is normal. Are you experiencing any dizziness, nausea, confusion, lingering faintness, anything of that sort?” Purple shook their head. “Good. We’ll get a stretcher to take you to Medbay soon. You’ll have to hold tight for now.” Purple swallowed and nodded. “I know it’s hard, but thank you for being so patient.” Blue put a hand on their shoulder for a moment, before strolling over to Cyan.
* * *
Blue made their way over to Cyan, who was sitting against a barrel, crying, and clutching a very irritated Black’s hand. That was good, since it meant Cyan was clearly conscious and aware of their surroundings. During their time practicing medicine, Blue had come to learn that a patient in distress after a traumatic injury was far better than a patient who was quiet. They’d also learned it was best when a patient blushed over them, since it meant they were uninjured enough to care about whether or not the doctor treating them was pretty.
“O-oh! Blue!” Cyan stopped crying and turned to face them, one hand over their crack-laden visor. “Is—that’s Blue, right?”
“That’s Blue,” Black answered gruffly. “Now that they’re here, can I go? I have a job I need to get back to.”
“I thought you were helping me since I blocked your fall?” Cyan whimpered. Black sighed and nodded tiredly. Blue knelt down to examine Cyan’s face, taking it in their hands and turning it side to side. Cyan blushed deeply. Blue noted it as another good sign. “A-actually, I think I’ll be fine on my own!”
“Awesome,” Black said dryly. They gathered up a few pieces of shattered Ore+ strewn about the ground before heading towards the door. Blue looked around and realized Red, Orange, Yellow, and Brown had already left, leaving only Green—who was still kneeling beside White—to help with stretchers. Oh, well. One person was better than none.
“How many fingers am I holding up?” they asked, turning their attention back to Cyan.
“Four.”
“And now?”
“One.”
“And now?” They turned their hand upside-down.
“Oh! Trick question, you’re holding two fingers down.”
“Very good. Are you experiencing any dizziness, nausea, confusion, faintness, or other unpleasant symptoms?”
“My face...” They sniffed. “My face really hurts, but that’s about it.”
“Well, the damage doesn’t seem to be internal. The cracks will make it hard to see anything that’s small or far away, but they should heal soon.” Blue stood up, ignoring the stinging in their stub. “You’re being very brave right now. Thank you for that. It may take a bit, since there’s only two of us to handle stretchers, but we’ll get you down to Medbay soon.”
“Don’t worry about that!” Cyan laughed nervously. “I can walk!” They stood up quickly and started walking in the opposite direction of the door. Blue grabbed their shoulders right before they walked into a wall. “Woah! Heh, heh… where did they come from?” they squeaked, clearly embarrassed.
“How about I lead you back to the room?” Blue offered. Cyan nodded sheepishly. “Thank you, Cyan. It really does help being able to take you to Medbay and get the stretchers in a single trip.” Blue looked back at Lime and White, who were still unconscious. “Every second counts when it comes to preserving a life.”
“Swoon…”
“I could probably walk to Medbay, too,” Purple offered, still sitting on the floor. “If I had, I dunno, a stick or something…”
“Green!” Blue called out. Green ran to their side and saluted.
“I will be Purple’s stick, Doc!”
“Thank you, Green.” Blue ruffled Green’s hair, and they struggled to keep their face straight as they kept saluting.
“Uh, okay. Sure,” Purple said, shrugging.
With that, Blue, Cyan, Purple, and Green hobbled out of the Storage room and down to Medbay. On the way, they passed through the cafeteria, pausing when they saw the window, which was smeared with a strange pink substance that had chunks of Ore+ sticking to it. Orange was bawling again by the window, while Black examined the substance curiously.
“Woah, what’s going on there?” Green asked.
“Since when was the window pink? Black, is that you? What are the vibes?!” Cyan called out.
“Uh… the Ore+ exploded? And there was weird pink shit inside?” Black answered.
“Is that good or bad vibes?!”
“B-b-bad!” Orange yelled through their tears.
“We have to keep moving,” Blue said, gently pushing Cyan forward. They would’ve preferred saying something profound to inspire everyone into movement, but they really needed to get back to their unconscious patients as soon as possible.
Blue and Green dropped Cyan and Purple off in Medbay, grabbed two stretchers from the closet, and returned to Storage. Lime was still out cold, but White seemed to be stirring. They both ran to their side.
“White, can you hear me?” Blue asked.
“Hnng… can I have 5 more minutes?” White mumbled.
“Minutes are simply a construct of our society, White.” Blue began moving White onto the stretcher. Their back was bent at an angle that meant their bone was very likely broken, and their body was completely limp. “What we measure as 5 minutes can last an eternity, or it can last an instant.” Blue gestured to Green to pick up the other end, and with a heave, they lifted them up. “The length of time doesn’t matter; it’s how we use it that’s important.”
“Can I use it sleeping?”
“This is bad,” Green whimpered. “White always feels well-rested, no matter how much sleep they get. That was their fun fact!” Blue held the stretcher with one hand and grabbed White’s with another as they moved towards Medbay. The lack of movement from White was concerning Blue more than their tiredness.
“White, can you feel my hand?” Blue asked.
“Aww, you’re holding my hand?” White blushed. “I’ll have to tell MIRA to give you a raise. I’ve never gotten this level of service from any hot doctor I’ve had! Well, I mean, I was able to pay off some of them, but—“
“White. Can you try wiggling your fingers for me?” Blue interrupted.
“Hmm…” White squinted in concentration. “Yep! I’m doing it!” Their fingers didn’t move.
“Oh no, oh no,” Green groaned. “I thought leaving the worm farm would get me away from horrible equipment manglings!”
“Don’t worry, unpaid intern! I don’t feel mangled in the slightest! In fact, I can’t feel anything below the visor!” Blue and Green grimaced, internally and externally, respectively. When they got to Medbay, they carefully placed White onto one of the beds, before turning to leave for Lime.
“Wait! Unpaid intern!” White called out. Green turned around.
“My name is Green,” Green told them softly.
“Listen, unpaid intern… I need you. Please… stay with me,” White said. Tears gathered in Green’s eyes, and they ran to White’s side.
“Aww, what a beautiful Scorpio-Libra couple!” Cyan clasped their hands together and beamed, then winced, then smiled more carefully. Blue sighed.
“Love and support is the best treatment for any kind of ailment, of course. You stay behind, Green. I can get Lime by myself,” They left the Medbay room and hobbled back to Storage, leaning on the wall for support and trying their best to ignore the pain in their stub.
* * *
Blue entered Storage to see Lime already sitting up and blinking around blearily. Blue rushed to their side as Lime started trying to get up and put a hand on their shoulder, but Lime immediately knocked it off with a yelp.
“Don’t touch me! What the hell’s going on here?” they yelled. Blue felt a twinge of irritation that was overshadowed by a wave of pity. They tried not to let either show in their voice.
“There was an accident in Storage. I’m afraid you suffered an acute case of ‘slamming into the ceiling and then falling headfirst onto the ground,’” Blue explained. “You’re very lucky to still be with us, Lime.”
“Hmph. Luck has nothing to do with it!” Lime crossed their arms, offended. “Years of scalding hot yoga gave me Squish Bone Syndrome. I’m like a grocery bag full of lube waiting to be tossed around!” Blue decided to ignore that last comment.
“That wasn’t in your chart,” they responded.
“Psh, you think I’m freely giving away my medical information to some schmuck medical professional? I thought you were supposed to be the second smartest person on this ship!” Blue also decided to ignore that comment.
“Well... are you experiencing any dizziness, nausea, confusion, faintness—”
“Yeah, I’m confused. Confused why you’re breathing down my neck!” Lime shifted, about to stand back up.
“After that fall, I think it’s very likely you have a concussion or—”
“Listen, I got machinery to throw my wrench at and gremlins to chase away, so I think I’d better be—” Right as Lime stood up, they let out a groan and put a hand to their head, swaying, before falling right into Blue’s arms.
Then they vomited all over Blue’s back. Blue let themself have a moment to scrunch up their visor in disgust while Lime couldn’t see them, before fixing a look of detached concern onto their face and slowly lowering Lime back to the ground.
They sat there for a moment, face red, before mumbling, “Tell anyone about this, and I’m disassembling all your fancypants tech.”
“I will tell no one,” Blue promised. For Lime’s sake, they hoped Orange and Black were still too focused on the Ore+ and its mysterious pink contents to notice the two of them covered in vomit on the way back. “Before we go to Medbay, I’d like to perform a quick cognitive test.”
“Cognitive test?! Oh, hell no!” Lime scooted away from Blue. “No way you’re putting those greasy fingers of yours into my beautiful meat noodle!” Blue briefly considered explaining what a cognitive test actually was, but concluded that Lime would probably just accuse them of lying.
“Alright. No cognitive test,” Blue conceded. “Completely unrelated question, what’s your name?”
“Uh. Shoot.” Lime squinted and scratched their head, going silent for a worrying few seconds. They then noticed their hand in the corner of their vision and held it up triumphantly. “Ha! Lime! I’m Lime!” They paused. “Wait, you aren't trying to steal my name, are you?” Since Lime was very clearly concussed, Blue decided not to continue and reached for the stretcher. “Hey! I don’t need a stretcher to get down to Medbay!”
“Would you like me to carry you?” Blue asked earnestly. Somehow, Lime managed to frown even harder, and they scooted onto the stretcher without another word.
Hauling Lime back to Medbay by themself was more difficult than they thought it’d be, especially with the hurt leg, but they managed it in the end. Their rippling muscles were there for good reason, after all. By the time they got back, Lime had passed out again, and Blue carefully turned them over onto one of the beds before positioning them on their side, in case they threw up a second time.
“Woah! Clean up on aisle you!” White chucked at their own joke. Blue turned around and furrowed their brow upon seeing Green swirling a half empty wineglass next to them. Either Green was drinking below legal drinking age—which Blue found very unlikely, considering “rule-follower” was listed in their medical chart—or White was drinking wine less than 30 minutes after undergoing traumatic injury and developing quadriplegia. “Seriously, isn’t there someone to clean that up?”
“I’ll clean you, Doc!” Green offered enthusiastically. Blue shook their head.
“Listen, White, sudden injury and disability can be exceedingly difficult, and I understand we all have different ways of coping. However, as your doctor, I simply can’t allow you to have alcohol so soon after—”
“I’m not drinking it,” White interrupted. “I’m having Green drink it. Why else would I need them here?” Green forced a smile and took a big gulp of wine, failing to suppress a shudder as they lowered the glass from their visor. Blue cleared their throat and began their speech again.
“Listen, White, sudden injury and disability can be exceedingly difficult, and I understand we all have different ways of coping. However, as Green’s doctor, I simply can’t allow you to force them to—”
“Oh, it’s not difficult for me,” White interrupted again. “I have, like, 20 different tech CEO friends who can get their employees to make me a robot exoskeleton or something. Or I can just buy one online.” Green and Blue stared at them for a moment. Green slowly raised the glass of wine back up to their visor, and Blue gently pushed their hand back down.
“GUYS!” Red suddenly screamed into Medbay at the top of their lungs. Everyone (except Lime) yelped and flinched back. “Pizza party at 7:30 to celebrate not dying thanks to my awesome leadership! Be there or be square!” Red ran back down the hallway towards the cafeteria. Purple pulled their hands out of the shoelace they’d been using to play Cat’s Cradle with Cyan, and cupped their hands under their visor.
“Hey, maybe don’t scream like that into a medical room?!” they yelled.
“Sorry, I can’t hear you over that awesome leadership I just mentioned!” Red yelled back.
“Are they always like this?” Green whispered to Blue. Blue nodded. Before Blue could stop them, Green downed the rest of their wine.
* * *
Yellow surveyed the cafeteria from the kitchen window. They were still missing four people for the pizza party, and it was already almost 10 minutes since they were supposed to serve the pizzas. Orange and Cyan were sitting at a table together, chatting about something to do with karma or second chances or realignment of the stars—whatever it was, it seemed to be making Orange feel better about the Ore+. Purple and Black were each sitting alone in separate corners of the room, each with a full cup of punch in one hand that Yellow figured was there only so they could drink from it instead of engaging in conversation, on the off chance someone went up to them. Purple was near the entrance to the hallway leading into Weapons, which they’d come into the cafeteria from (while humming “Happy Birthday” to themself, for some reason). They had a pair of crutches leaning against the wall and a bandage wrapped around their leg. Black was sitting near the window, still staring at the pink gunk and shards of ore.
Red was also on their own, desperately trying to get their “WE’RE NOT DEAD” banner to stick above the window, and failing miserably. Every time they managed to get one side to stick, the other would fall down, and they would have to scoot the ladder over to the other side of the room to rip off the old tape and stick on a new strip. Watching them was how Yellow had been entertaining themself for the past 30 minutes. Eventually, they turned behind them to Brown, who’d volunteered for the task of swapping out pizzas in the oven to keep them all warm.
“So… do you think we should just go out and serve them already?” Yellow asked. “I mean, I feel bad for the people who got injured, but we have to start the party eventually.” Brown hummed thoughtfully.
“Seems kinda rude to host a party about not being dead, and then leave out people who aren’t dead,” they responded. “Plus, Red’s not done with their banner.”
“Honestly, that’s half the reason I want to start right now,” Yellow said with a grin. Brown sighed, a hint of a smile on the corners of their visor.
“Let’s give it 5 more minutes.”
They were cutting it close, but 4 minutes later, Blue entered pushing White in a wheelchair.
“...of course, Green would be my first choice of servant, but you’re definitely a close second,” they said as Blue pushed them. Blue nodded agreeably, but didn’t respond. They looked very tired. Blue wheeled them over by Orange and Cyan, who let White in on their conversation, before they turned around and walked back to Medbay. Yellow frowned at their limp. If no one else was going to convince Blue to take a moment and treat their own injuries, Yellow supposed they would have to after the party.
Figuring they were getting Lime or Green, Yellow waited another two minutes for them, during which Red unfortunately figured out how to get the banner to stay up. Sure enough, they wheeled in Lime next, who was complaining about a whole host of things that mostly boiled down to hating medical treatment, being forced into a wheelchair when they were “completely able to walk if they just put their mind to it”, and “missing the tight, hot embrace of their beautiful vents”.
“I find it helpful to try looking at the small victories in life. Such as being allowed to go to a pizza party hours after getting a severe concussion,” Blue told them.
“Yeah, how‘d you let them talk you into that?” Yellow asked.
“I threatened to escape into the vents,” Lime said proudly. Yellow checked the time, saw it was almost 7:50, and nodded to Brown to go ahead and bring the pizzas out. Everyone gathered around the middle table as they brought out the first plate of pizza and set it down. Everyone reached out to grab a slice, but—
“Everyone!” Red clapped their hands as they stood on the bench, calling the crewmates to attention. “Before we eat, I have something very important to say.” They cleared their throat and squinted at something written on their hand. “I, um, I believe it’s very important to, um…” They put their hand down, apparently giving up on reading it. “I think we all did a very good job not dying today. Also, I think I did a very good job ensuring you all didn’t die today. And I think that’s worth celebrating. No matter how upset some of us may be about, well… the entire reason we went on this mission exploding right in front of us in outer space, I think it’s pretty cool that all of us are still alive. Also, we should tell MIRA how happy we are that I kept us from dying, and that I’m actually a pretty good leader who doesn’t deserve to be demoted.” Yellow felt a headache forming just listening to their speech. “Also also, I lost my book, so… if anyone sees it, please return it. Thanks.” Red stepped down from the bench, and everyone immediately grabbed a slice of pizza.
Just then, the doors burst open, and Green stumbled inside, wide-eyed and shivering. Everyone paused to stare at them as they tried to choke out something unintelligible, one hand pressing down on the top of their head and the other reaching forward.
“Hehh… hhel… hghh…”
Brown nudged Yellow, concern for Green evident in their face. Yellow sighed. They certainly weren’t the most qualified to talk anyone through a crisis, but they were better with words than Brown was. Plus, they supposed it was only fair, since Brown was the one to switch out and serve the pizza. Yellow left the table with their slice still in their hand and walked up to Green.
“Hey, I know you had a really rough first day, but I—” Before Yellow could finish, Green started making strange gurgling noises, cutting them off. They grabbed Yellow with a disturbing combination of feebleness and urgency, before pulling them into a hug.
POP
With a sickening squelch and a splat, Green’s head burst off their body, flew into the air, and landed with a wet thud on the ground beside them, spraying blood all over the room and coating Yellow’s face. They dropped their pizza in shock. For a few seconds, no one said a word, only staring at the body and the blood in disbelief. Then the room began to scream.