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They weren’t supposed to be in Death Valley but they heard the emergency distress signal coming from a downed aircraft. Buck and his team were already coming back from an operation that went off course. Minor injuries to most of his team and he earned himself an annoying concussion. None of that mattered at the moment. They had a new mission. Save the endangered soldiers from enemy fire.
Although it was night time Buck could see the mangled wreck of the helicopter. They landed and were met with bullets. The team split up. Buck’s coordination was off with his concussion and injuries but he knew he needed to help. He could make out a few men and women laid against the embankment of sand. Avoiding the gunfire ripping through the air he along with one of his teammates ran toward the injured soldiers. The rest of the team continued to fire back holding off the enemies until they got all the men and women out of danger.
Most were unconscious or barely awake. The first person Buck checked was already gone. He still carried him to the aircraft. He went back for the next, a woman who was unresponsive. His teammates signaled for them to leave after getting the remaining army men.
They were back in the air in record time. Every one breathing a sigh of relief. Buck didn’t have much medical training so he let the more trustworthy soldiers look over everyone they saved.
He sat on the floor with his head against the cool metal wall. His head throbbing. Everything spinned and danced in weird motion. It made him nauseous so he kept his eyes closed.
On the floor were two of the people they rescued. Buck’s feet were nearly touching the hand of one. He sat on the floor with his knee drawn up to his chest and an arm slung over it.
The silence was broken by one of his teammates who was working on one of the injured men on the ground.
“Why are you looking at him?”
Buck was confused as to who he was asking the question to. Blinking his eyes open slowly he quickly realized he was the one being stared at.
It was dark except for a small lantern type of light but Buck could still make out the man's eyes and face below him still coated in blood and sand.
He and the man made intense eye contact for what seemed like hours. Everything seemed to have disappeared around them. It was as if they were the only people on earth.
The man didn’t look to Buck’s teammate to respond to his question, instead he answered it to Buck.
“You are just so beautiful.”
Buck’s eyes widened as he felt a chilling sensation cover the left side of his upper chest. Glancing down he pressed his fingers over the spot. It stood out from his sweating, slick skin. That exact positioning of the seemingly random chill was where those exact words had been staring at him since he was a kid.
Seeing his reaction the man connected the dots. The evidence clear on his face. His expression was full of surprise and fear before it softened. He looked at Buck with complete unrestrained love. Something he had been searching for all his life. The man dragged his weakened arm upwards holding his hand out towards Buck.
Removing his hand from its place under his collar bone he quickly took the other man’s hand and interlaced their fingers together tightly. Both wore a matching dumb struck smile as if they were anywhere else.
Their happiness was short-lived. Because they didn’t bump into each other on the street or saw one another from across a bar. They met each other in Death Valley. In an active war zone. That was what they were destined for. It wasn’t long before the man’s mind caught up to his beaten body. Before Buck could process anything the man's eyes rolled into the back of his head.
The medics on board jump into action.
Everything disappeared from his vision. The limp hand in his. The eyes that stared into his just moments before were no longer focused on him.
His vision quickly became blurry. Buck lifted his free hand to lightly brush it across his own face. Pulling it away he noticed it was wet. Tears. He was crying. They weren’t supposed to feel emotion. Robots. That is what they were meant to be. Programmed to be.
Buck couldn’t make sense of anything. Thoughts crashed together, noises combined. His chest felt too tight to breathe. Had he taken a breath since he noticed his soulmate took his last?
Someone was violently jerking his shoulder begging him to breathe. But he couldn’t. He was hysterical. How could he exist without the person who was supposed to be perfect for him in every way possible. The other half to his soul.
Before he knew it the world went black. He felt his body slide down to the cold floor.
As his consciousness slipped away completely he used his remaining strength to tighten his grip on the stranger's hand.
—//
That is all he remembered once he woke up.
It wasn’t something he immediately remembered. The cold sensation just below his collarbone was long gone. What made him remember the heartbreak was the emptiness in his soul. Along with the weightlessness of his hand.
His teammates filled him in on what they could. They were at an army base a long ways away from Death Valley. Their rescued comrades, at least the ones that survived, were taken to a hospital somewhere in Germany for proper medical attention.
After his short recovery Buck asked around hoping to find out more about his departed soulmate. In hopes he would at least have a grave or something to visit or remember him by. But no answers came. No one knew of the dead nameless soldier that was meant to love Buck forever.
He left the SEALS as soon as he could. It took awhile to find his footing. Traveling around helped him escape his demons for a while. After the grief became too intense he would just pack up and move.
Finding his place with the 118 helped immensely with his recovery. It had been a few years by now but most never learn what it is to be without their soulmate. Quite frankly most die from a broken heart shortly after the death of their soulmate.
Of course some marry people who aren’t their soulmates. But those relationships don’t always last. His captain married a woman who wasn’t his soulmate. Bobby only recently opened up about his past in Minnesota. As heartbreaking as it is.
Hen met her soulmate Karen and they have an adorable son together. Chimney is still actively looking for his soulmate. Buck hasn’t told anyone yet about what happened that night years ago. It’s not like he can really cover the dark letters on his chest while changing in their communal locker room. In general it’s not a thing you ask someone about unless prompted or stated that it's not a touchy subject. So they know he has met his soulmate but the fact he flirted before meeting Abby and after made it obvious that he and his soulmate weren’t together.
It can also be assumed that he and his soulmate weren’t each other’s soulmate. Although that is super rare it has been heard of where someone's soulmate doesn’t have the right marking to be theirs. Or in other words a one sided fate.
That is a sad fact that only affects a few dozen people. But he thinks that not answering Chimney and Hen’s questions lets them assume that he is a part of that percentage. It's in his mind an easier lie rather than the truer and sadder reality.
The anniversary of his soulmate's death was in a few days. And like usual he tried to cover up his feelings with fake pride and bigotry. Of course walking into the station with a skip in his step and a new DXA scan pulled up on his phone was his best plan.
“Guess who just got another DXA scan.”
“Does it measure the fat in your head?”
They bickered back and forth about the calendar.
Then suddenly his teammates were now looking past him. At some point over his shoulder.
“Okay. That is a beautiful man”
“Where is the lie? And I like girls”
Buck slowly turned toward the man in question. He could admit the guy was really handsome.
Then his teammates were walking past him to meet the man changing in the locker room. Like a lost puppy he quickly followed them. He felt a weird pull, almost a need to see the man closer up.
When the group of firemen cleared enough room for Buck to see the man he froze. His eyes, his nose, and everything else made the world seemingly stop spinning.
It was some cruel joke from the universe it had to be. The man stood before Buck had the exact features of his soulmate. A living carbon copy. Just more grown and mature. And that realization made him angry. That this stranger has obvious signs of aging. Something that his soulmate who will never get the chance to grow old will experience.
An even worse reminder that he won’t get to grow old with Buck…
Most of his team all shook the man's hand and left. They introduced themselves but Buck couldn’t bring himself to do that. So instead he glared at the man giving him a small curt nod before storming off to the loft.
—//
“Who was that?” Eddie felt like he knew the strange tall man who seemed almost personally offended by him.
Hen his new co-worker responded. “That’s just Buck. He gets a little territorial, but don’t let him scare you off. He is like a golden retriever once you get to know him.”
More like a guard dog Eddie thought. This Buck guy definitely had an issue with him. Best to just remain professional. He could always just switch houses, simple as that. This place is nothing more than a means of escaping Texas.
—//
Buck felt like fleeing. He went to therapy to find a better way to cope with his grief. It came with his new self after Abby. No matter what it would still be hard to find a way to deal with the all consuming pain from losing his soulmate.
He hadn’t meant to fall so deeply in love with his life at the 118. Fleeing just wasn’t an option for him anymore. Therapy is still part of the reason he can’t run away but it’s mostly the family he has found amongst his team.
The first call with the new guy is a disaster. It’s obvious that he is competent but he still undermined Buck in front of his teammates which infuriates Buck. He hasn’t said a single word to the guy and he still found a way to get under Buck’s skin.
By the time they make it back to the station for downtime Buck is shaking with restlessness. He needs to express his frustration before he ends up punching Eddie Diaz in the mouth.
Because the Universe doesn’t want Buck to exist in peace Eddie just so happens to
choose to workout at the same moment as Buck.
Fan-fucking-tastic.
Buck will admit he is using heavier weights than normal and showing off a bit more than necessary but after the call that morning that proved just how amazing Eddie is, he now needs to show that he’s good at his job.
Eddie definitely picks up on the tension and handles it well for about ten seconds.
He steps away from the punching bag marching over to Buck who’s doing bicep curls on a bench. Eddie towers over him with his hands on his hips with an eyebrow raised.
Buck simply lifts his head like it’s completely normal for Eddie to be practically on top of him.
They make strong eye contact. Buck forces himself to not look away. Even if simply looking into his eyes makes his chest feel open and gutted. Just before Buck breaks their staring contest Eddie finally steps back scoffing dramatically before asking “What’s your problem, man?”
Pushing off the bench Buck comes to stand practically chest to chest with Eddie. Purposely eyeing him up and down before he responds.
“Okay. You. You are my problem.”
Eddie reacts to the words as if they were physical blows. His eyes widen as his mouth opens as if to say something but the words don’t come. He simply just blinks at Buck.
After a few seconds Buck’s cockyness dies down as his expression morphs into something more worrisome. Buck begins to ask him if he’s alright when the tones go off. Halting Buck before he is able to fully articulate his question.
Buck makes it to his seat at the same time as most of his team, the only one missing is Eddie. He appears a few seconds after everyone else has already gotten situated. Eddie’s face is twisted up in thought. His eyes locked on the ground as soon as he was seated. It's as if his mind was a million miles away.
No one seems to notice the metaphorical distance Eddie is currently away.
The emergency isn’t risky or dangerous. The whole thing over within five minutes of their arrival. After they get back to the engine it seems Eddie snapped out of his trance at least somewhat. Buck just rolls his eyes of course whatever his issue was he already resolved it. He is really starting to hate him.
—//
Over the next few hours of their shift it seems like Eddie is avoiding him. And when that isn’t possible he just seems to stare at him. Buck has caught him a few times just looking at him from across the room. Eddie always looks away when he’s caught. He really can’t handle having Eddie’s eyes on him. Especially today or even this week. Not when all he can do is compare the bleary, patchy face in his memory to the one looking at him now.
By their last call Buck is ready to never look Eddie in the eyes again. But then they are stuck in the back of the ambulance with a live round lodged in a patient's leg.
They work perfectly together if he had to think about it that would probably have annoyed him. Buck saw a different part of Eddie in that ambulance. By the end he thought maybe he could learn to do more than just tolerate him.
As the guy is being wheeled off to surgery Eddie turns to Buck.
“You’re a badass under pressure, brother.”
Buck is taken aback by his compliment.
“Me?”
Eddie just smiles at him “Hell yeah. You can have my back any day.”
“Yeah. Or, you know, you could.. you could have mine.”
After their first shift they became inseparable. The moment Buck saw Eddie rush to his son after the earthquake he knew exactly the kind of person Eddie was.
Buck believed he was slowly healing. No one could ever replace the bond between him and his soulmate but he could learn to live his own life without being scared of being alone. Because at the end of the day he had Eddie.
Months then years flew by before he realized it. That deep dread of needing to run from his pain didn’t seem to concern him anymore. Life finally seemed to settle for him. But as usual the Universe never really let Buck rest.
It wasn’t a major emergency at the beginning. Just a sick kid and a clumsy mom, nothing new. Then it became way more than that. In the end Eddie saved the kid. Gave Charlie a good chance to have a normal future without sickness.
For Eddie it wasn't truly the end. When have their lives ever been that simple? Buck hadn’t registered what he had heard. Didn’t even register the familiar sound of a bullet piercing through the air. Not until Eddie jerked forward painting Buck’s face in a warm spray of blood.
Rescuing Eddie was solely instinct. Once in the firetruck out of range of gunfire Buck ripped open Eddie’s shirt. He was on autopilot stuffing trauma dressing onto Eddie’s shoulder. Ripping packages with his teeth. Everything was covered in his blood. His hands shook as they held tight pressure against the gaping gushing wound.
“Hey, just.. you just stay with me, okay?”
Eddie’s eyes focused for a moment only to look at Buck. “Are you hurt”
Even in the midst of potential death he looks up at Buck to ask if he is injured. Glancing at his own appearance he can understand why Eddie was concerned. He can feel his face and see his button up are covered in a splatter of red.
All he can do is beg for Eddie to hang on. Buck can see Eddie slipping away his eyes glossing over and losing focus. It’s a horrible identical image of the night in the helicopter.
The whole process of fleeing the scene, packing Eddie’s wound, and arriving at the hospital all blur together. Watching him being taken away by a crowd of doctors and nurses hits Buck like a freight train.
His body is shaking. Adrenaline crash or maybe fear. Peering down at his hands he notices the blood is beginning to dry and crack. It’s not his blood it’s Eddies. And he couldn’t save him just like he couldn’t save his own soulmate.
Running into Taylor Kelly is a whole another ordeal. One that blurs together just like the past almost hour had. All he can focus on is getting to Christopher. He needs to be the one to tell him.
Taylor gives him a ride to his apartment to change. He barely remembers getting up to his floor or turning the key. He just slinks around gathering what he needs. Then he’s standing in front of his bathroom mirror. Gripping onto each side of the sink.
She will just need to wait for a bit longer. Showering is the only way to remove the blood completely. Twisting the nob as far left as possible he steps under the spray. It’s boiling almost immediately, but he’s numb. Taking his time he washes his face first. Trying to not imagine the splattering of water on his face as Eddie’s blood. Then he washes his neck down to abdomen. Wiping gently over the darken words right underneath his collarbone. The same spot Eddie's thumb had made a home in.
He can’t imagine how long he took to feel somewhat clean.
—-//
Every time Buck made this trip it was always to meet his two favorite people. Now staring out the window he dreads his destination. Facing Christopher was something that could easily break him.
How do you tell a kid that his dad might not be coming home. His only parent for that matter. And he needs to tell Chris how he couldn’t save him.
The car shifting into park finally brought him out of his head. Buck turned to face Taylor in the driver's seat. She looked heartbroken for him.
He hadn’t even registered that they had arrived. Eddie’s house was right in front of him. A place so filled with love and warmth now looked cold.
He spoke without even realizing it.
“I don’t know what to say to him. H-how do I tell him another person he loves isn’t coming home?”
“You don’t need all the right words. He just needs someone there for him.”
“Thank you again for the ride.”
“Anytime Buck. Maybe give me a call sometime?”
All he could do was nod.
Every step up the path was a feat. It was as if the ground was swallowing him more as he got closer to the door. He’d never felt the need to run away from this place. If anything he always ran towards it.
Carla already knew the second Buck walked in the door. The news already pushed out a story about it. No names were revealed yet, but it was written clear as day on his face.
Without any words between them she opened her arms. Buck stumbling into them immediately. She rubs her hands up and down his back before pulling back to look him in the face.
He couldn’t make eye contact with her instead picking a point on the floor. Crying wasn’t an option for him right now. Once Chris was asleep he could shut himself up in the bathroom and let himself actually feel.
“He’s waiting in his room. Text or call me with whatever you or him need. I will be back first thing in the morning.” And with that she grabbed her belongings and shut the door softly behind her.
Peering down the hall to Chris’ room he realized he couldn’t run this time. Walking the few feet to Chris’ room made him realize how real the events of the day had been. By the time he stood in the doorway he was holding on by a thread.
“Hey Buck”
“H-hey buddy.”
Swallowing heavily he moved to kneel in front of him.
“Where’s dad?”
“Um he… he’s,uh, he’s-he’s not coming home tonight, Chris.”
“Why not?”
And wasn’t that a question.
“Well, um. Well, he-he got hurt at work today.”
“In a fire?”
Buck moved to sit next to Chris. He's trying his hardest to not scare him. Trying not to show that he’s scared. Because the truth is that he is terrified. Beyond scared that his best friend might not wake up.
“Uh, Um no..No, not-not in a fire.” Chris was looking for answers and he needed to give them to him. “Uh, the truth is, someone hurt your dad.”
“On purpose?”
“Yeah, I think so.” He didn’t know if that was true or not but he didn’t know what else he could say.
“A bad guy?”
The more they talked the less of a hold Buck had on his emotions. Everything was crumbling down quickly.
“Yeah, yeah, a b..a-a bad guy.”
“Is he going to be okay?”
And wasn’t that a gut punch. That question had been looming in his mind from the second he tasted Eddie’s blood.
“You know, your dad is, uh.. he’s tough as nails.” Tears welled in his eyes as he spoke. “He’s a fighter, right?”
Then they were flowing over his water line. His resolve was very evidently breaking.
“So, uh, so he’s-he’s with the doctors now.”
“Like the ones that fixed you?”
If only he could explain how different this fix was compared to his.
“Uh-huh. Yeah, like-like the ones who fixed me.”
“Then he’s gonna be okay, right?”
He wanted so badly to tell Chris that his dad would be okay. Before he could respond his phone buzzed in his pocket. Bobby informing him of Eddie's condition. ‘Out of surgery. Doctors said it went well.’
“Yeah, I think so buddy. I think so.” Then he broke. Sobs broke from his throat before he could stop them.
Putting his head in his hands as tears poured down his face. Christopher was the one who reached over and leaned into his side. Patting his back as he gathered himself.
“It’s gonna be okay, Buck.”
And for once he began to believe that.
—//
Arguing with Bobby was not one of his finest moments. But he truly could not handle someone else being a target. He doesn’t know if he’d survive losing another person he loves and not being able to stop it.
It wasn’t until late that night that his phone rang. Ana. His heart sank. Was this it? Is this the call where she's going to tell him that Eddie wasn’t going to wake up?
With shaking hands he raised the phone to his ear.
“Ana. Is everything okay?”
—//
Driving to the hospital was the second most reckless thing he’d done that day. But hearing the words ‘he’s awake’ the words he had been waiting to hear for what felt like years.
Spritting through the halls of the hospital he finally finds Eddie’s room. Peeling his mask off as he enters.
“Hey, Buck.”
He feels the corners of his mouth turn upward.
Breathless he responds “Hey.”
—//
A day later once they were alone and after Eddie FaceTimed Chris he told Eddie the truth.
“Appreciate you staying with him.”
“Uh Carla offered to bring him to her house, but, uh, I figured this was overwhelming enough without having to sleep in a strange bed.”
Eddie looked tired. The pain meds making him drowsy.
“He doing okay?”
Buck laughed awkwardly recounting the night not too long ago where his son was the one comforting him.
“Better than me. Uh, I kind of lost it when I told him you got shot.”
He couldn’t tell how Eddie felt about his admission.
“I-I’m sorry. I should’ve held it together.” It was true. How could he not be the one there for Chris. Instead he let his emotions get the better of him. It was a mistake that he would have to carry.
Eddie turned his head to look at the wall. Before responding to Buck.
“You were there for him when I couldn’t be. That’s what matters.”
“Still.” Buck looked away from Eddie’s face for a moment. Shame making it hard to continue. “I think it might have been better for him if I was the one who got shot.”
He knew it would have been better. And he would take any wound or injury in place of Eddie. Seeing him hurt is worse than any pain he’d ever experienced. Second only to losing his soulmate. The fact was he didn’t have anyone waiting for him at home. Not even a plant or a girlfriend. Eddie had Chris and Hen had Denny. Now even Chimney had a baby.
—//
A few days later he was back in the hospital room with Eddie. He didn’t trust anyone else to bring him home. Everyone else was also already at Eddie’s to surprise him. To him it was a little strange that Ana hadn’t returned to visit since he woke up. At least from what Eddie mentioned. Buck had also been here almost every waking moment possible even when Eddie wasn’t awake he was still there.
After talking with the nurses and doctor about the discharge process he returned to Eddie’s side.
“Okay, uh, the nurse is getting your meds and discharge papers ready. Then we can get out of here.”
“Great. Hey since we got a minute-“
The look on Eddie’s face was enough to make him pause.
“Uh, is everything all right?”
Eddie nodded “Yeah, yeah, I’m just, uh. I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something.”
He could only imagine what he had to say. Most likely it was addressing his mistake. It had directly affected Chris so it made sense for Eddie to ask Buck for space.
Buck walked over to sit with Eddie on the edge of the bed.
“Okay.”
“So, you might have noticed I almost died. Again.”
This already was making him confused so he just kept staring at Eddie.
Eddie continued on, “Yeah, I’ve had a lot of close calls. This wasn’t even my closest.”
“Yeah. Eddie..
“Just let me finish.” Eddie finally looked at him.
“After the last time, when that well collapsed on top of me..”
Buck hated any reminder of that night. His throat ached for days after. He barely remembers digging at the dirt to get to Eddie. Clawing at the ground as if he alone could save Eddie.
“Which you survived.” Buck didn’t know why he said it, maybe to remind himself that Eddie was still here.
Eddie smiled anyway. “After that it got me thinking. You know, what would happen to Christopher if I hadn’t.”
He never wanted that to be a reality. But Eddie wasn’t finished.
“So I went to my attorney and changed my will. So, someday, if, I, uh didn’t make it. Christopher would be taken care of.”
Buck could tell that Eddie was struggling with telling him about this, but he still didn’t understand why. So he looked back at Eddie waiting for the answer.
“By you.”
And wasn’t that a shock. That he was leaving his son in his possession if he were to ever not come home.
“What?”
“It’s in my will, if I die, you become Christopher’s legal guardian.”
He couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing.
“I mean, h-how-how does that even work? Don’t you-“ Buck laughed at his own absurdity “Don’t-don’t you need my consent?”
“My attorney said you could refuse.”
He paused realizing how well Eddie truly knew him.
“You know I wouldn’t..”
“Nah, I know you wouldn’t.” Eddie smiled to himself.
Buck was still confused why Eddie would ever want him as Chris’ guardian.
“I mean, he-he has grandparents, other family.” Buck didn’t know who he was trying to convince.
Eddie chuckled at Buck’s frantic attempts at reasoning with him.
“Yeah. After Shannon left, they all tried to guilt me into giving Christopher to them. It’s not what I wanted then, it’s not what I want now.”
Buck stuck is hand out for emphasis on his next words
“If it came to that w-wouldn’t they fight for him?” He knew he was scrambling for any excuse.
“I don’t know. Maybe. Probably.” He paused, “But no one will ever fight for my son as hard as you.” Eddie looked at Buck, “That is what I want for him.”
Buck looked away from Eddie’s piercing gaze. He was trying to gather his thoughts. This conversation was not going where he expected it to. Then he remembered one important detail. Eddie said he changed his will after the well. Which was over a year ago.
“Well, you said you did this last year. Why are you just telling me now?” He needed clarification.
“Because, Evan,-“ The use of his first name made him glance back up to Eddie. “-you came in here the other day and you said you thought it would have been better if it had been you who was shot.”
Buck was silent as he watched Eddie explain.
“You act like you’re expendable.” He sighed before continuing.”But you’re wrong.”
It was too much to continue looking at Eddie. Instead he turned to stare at a point on the ground again. He was trying to make sense out of their conversation.
They would most certainly have continued talking if it wasn’t for the nurse returning with Eddie’s papers.
His heart felt so full. The fact that Eddie trusted him with Chris so completely. He was sure of his position in their lives. His realization didn’t hit him until the end of Eddie’s welcome home party later that night. After Chris went to bed and everyone else left. Eddie was saying goodbye to Ana in the other room while Buck cleaned up the kitchen.
It wasn’t Ana who got the privilege to spend the night or the responsibility of making sure Eddie takes his medication.
The thought of him being here instead of her makes his heart race. He’s happy? Happy that his best friend got hurt and he gets to play nurse when said friend has a perfectly good girlfriend to do it. It sounds horrible, almost annoying to most, but Buck doesn’t want to be anywhere else.
He loves taking care of Eddie. And he realizes standing in the kitchen with soap bubbles up his arm in Eddie’s home that he might just love Eddie.
Loving Eddie is so easy he hadn’t realized he had been doing it. The thought is terrifying. Eddie is straight and is currently dating a woman. There is no way that Eddie could ever feel the same way. He can’t tell what's worse. Losing his soulmate before knowing him or getting to know someone inside and out but not being soulmates. Maybe in a different life just not in this one.
Buck is still staring ahead with his arms in the sink when Eddie makes his way into the kitchen. Eddie leans a hip on the counter to watch Buck while he finishes. He doesn’t even spare him a glance. Just looks back down and continues the dishes. If he doesn’t get a soulmate he can at least have this. And maybe that might just be enough.
—//
It has been exactly 2 months, 3 days, and 17 hours since Buck began consciously loving Eddie. The realization flipped his whole life. Every small detail that was once normal and went unnoticed has become very very noticeable. A bump of shoulders or the times he catches Eddie just looking at him. Everything.
But he has to be okay with that. He can’t let himself hope for even a second that he might have something more with Eddie. For one he is still dating Ana and another huge factor contributing to his secret being kept is that Eddie is straight. One day he will marry a woman, maybe even Ana and Buck will stand next to him in a nice suit; biting his tongue.
He tries not to think about that but in reality it's all he can think about. Even now standing in Eddie’s kitchen once more nursing beers while Eddie goes on about something with his nephew.
“Buck!” Eddie shouts annoyed. From the way he is looking at Buck he can tell it wasn’t the first time he yelled.
Buck looks around as though there might be someone else in the room. Or maybe he’s looking for a hint on what Eddie really was talking about.
“Were you even listening?”
Nope. Not one bit.
“Y-yeah I heard that your nephew met his soulmate.” He hopes that if he says it with complete conviction then it has to be true.
“Niece. And yeah she met her soulmate here visiting tia Pepa. It’s crazy how that happens. People meeting their soulmates states or even countries away.”
He looks down at his bottle before responding.
“Yeah that’s not always a good thing. Can you imagine meeting your soulmate in a place called Death Valley.” Buck laughs awkwardly before taking a long drink.
Maybe the alcohol or Eddie made his tongue lose. He’s never told anyone other than his therapist about his soulmate.
“W-what did you just say?”
Buck looks up to see Eddie completely frozen, his face full of shock and genuine terror.
“Uh, yeah, uh I met my soulmate in a helicopter over a place called Death Valley.”
Eddie holds his hand out to stop Buck from continuing. Nodding his head with a distant look.
“I-I heard that part, but when were you there?”
No one usually wants to hear about Buck’s time in service. For the most part he doesn’t want to talk about it or can’t talk about it. So the 118 is still mostly in the dark about that time in his life. It wasn’t like he was there long anyway.
“I was a SEAL for a bit before you know the whole dead soulmate thing.” Buck laughs awkwardly again trying to bring humor back into their conversation. It doesn’t work as Eddie still looks at him with something akin to horror.
Then suddenly Eddie’s beer is slipping from his hands landing at their feet in a loud shatter. Eddie seems at least somewhat surprised by the noise. His eyes dropping to the mess of beer and glass. Buck jumps backwards into the fridge. Eddie is still standing in front of the sink with his hand still open as if the bottle was still there.
“Eddie! Watch the glass.”
Buck quickly sets his own bottle down onto the table before leaving to get the broom. When he returns Eddie is still there now leaning against the sink with his arms bracing him.
Eddie is still staring at the ground or maybe through it. Deep in thought he barely notices Buck scrubbing the bottom cabinets or floor.
Once the mess is cleared Buck is still confused how Eddie could have spilled something on accident. He is usually the clumsy one so something must be wrong.
“Are you okay?”
Eddie looks up at him. Really looks at him. His eyes tracking his whole face.
After a moment Eddie seems to have found what he was searching for.
He clears his throat before answering.
“W-who was your soulmate? When did you meet her?”
Eddie is still searching Buck’s face tracking his every movement.
Buck nods his head slowly recalling what he went through so many years back. It’s hard to accept that this is where the conversation is going. If he truly didn’t want to tell Eddie he knows he would never make him. How much he really cares about him is really what made him fall in love with him.
“Uh- When I said I wasn't in the Seals long it was kinda mostly a lie. I did serve even went overseas a few times. But, uh, after a mission went a little off course we heard a distress call from a helicopter that was shot down.” He laughs bitterly at the fact he wasn’t even supposed to be there. “We were never meant to interact or interfere but how could we just leave the people behind.”
“You don’t. Anyone else would have tried to save them.” Eddie is listening intently as he returns to the horrific memories.
Tears fill his eyes before he can stop them. His voice breaks as he continues.
“We saved who we could. Then we left. It was so simple. In and out.” Buck breathes heavily as he tries to keep himself from falling apart.
“One of the people you saved… Were they your soulmate?”
Buck shakily nods.
“I was sitting there trying to not puke.” This part is always his favorite. He finds himself smiling sadly as he continues “and there he was. Just staring at me while he was actively bleeding out.”
The part about him being deathly injured wasn’t the part he particularly liked, it was the fact that even in death his soulmate looked at him like he was more important. Buck hopes he died more peacefully with his soulmate by his side.
Realizing Eddie had been silent for a few moments longer than normal he peers up to look at his face. Slowly he looks scared at what he might find. Was Eddie expecting his soulmate to be different? Buck couldn’t control the story. He knew it didn’t have a happy ending.
Instead of waiting for Eddie to confirm he was listening he went on to finish the story sad as it was.
He clears his throat awkwardly.
“When we were out there I never expected to meet my soulmate. It was such a horrible place. But just for a moment it didn’t feel that bad. Because I had an answer to a question we all spend our lives searching for.”
Buck doesn’t try to hide his tears anymore. They freely stream down his face. He continues through the struggle of reiterating the truth of his own past.
“Like I said it was just for a moment. How could we possibly have forgotten where we were.” Buck shook his head, biting his lip as the emotion became too intense.” He, uh, h-he didn’t make it.”
He laughs a humorless laugh, “You want to know the worst part? I never even got his name. I-i have his words on my body, but I won’t ever get the courtesy of knowing his name.”
Eddie is still silent. His eyes wide and shining. Buck aggressively wipes his face and eyes. “B-but yeah, uh that’s my story. Guess we have another thing in common, our whole losing our soulmate thing.”
“My soulmate wasn’t Shannon.”
The single statement felt like a weight lifted off his chest. Everyone just assumed that Shannon was it for him. That they found each other when they were reckless teens. It couldn’t have been further from the truth.
His real soulmate has been by his side for years now.
Buck is stunned by the news. He’s completely convinced that he heard Eddie wrong. In fact he knows that Eddie has met his soulmate. A communal changing room doesn’t leave a lot to the imagination.
He has never read the words himself. The act of reading something not meant for his eyes feels like the biggest invasion of privacy. Eddie’s mark is wrapped around his upper arm. Curling around his left bicep. From what he has seen of it he considers it quite beautiful. But he can’t help but think everything about Eddie is beautiful.
The question lays heavily on his tongue. There's a buzzing underneath his skin. It feels like they are at a precipice. Like the next few seconds will be monumental.
Eddie hasn’t moved from his spot leaning on the edge of the sink with his arms bracketing him. Buck feels the need to ask Eddie to explain. It isn’t him who speaks first.
“Everyone just assumes the person you marry is your soulmate. Shannon and I weren’t. Just two kids who were dumb enough to have a kid when we were barely dating.” He doesn’t look away from Buck as he speaks. “I know who my soulmate is. For a long time I thought it was one-sided but I don’t think that's true anymore.”
He was looking at Buck as if he was trying to tell him something. Like there was an underlying message. Almost as if-
Eddie stepped closer then. He had to be reading this entire conversation wrong. It wasn’t possible that Eddie was saying what he thought.
He was so wrapped up in his own head that he hadn’t noticed how close Eddie was. Hadn’t noticed until he felt the familiar weight of Eddie’s hand on his shoulder. His thumb absently swiping over the skin below his collarbone.
Buck stared at Eddie while he looked at his hand. Still softly rubbing the exact spot that held the only thing tying him to his soulmate. His eyes burned into him as if he could read the words covered by his t-shirt.
His eyes finally met Buck’s. At one point that sounded like torture. For a long time all he saw was the life-less eyes of his soulmate. He doesn’t remember when he stopped seeing his soulmate and started only seeing Eddie looking back at him.
Eddie’s hand moved to cup his face. Buck couldn’t help but lean into his touch. He didn’t know what Eddie was thinking. It’s the first time in a long time that he wasn’t able to gauge Eddie’s exact feelings.
Buck wishes he would say something, anything to help him understand what he’s trying to tell Buck.
Finally Eddie begins to speak. Taking a moment to gather his words he speaks softly staring back at Buck.
“You’re still as beautiful as the day I lost you.”
He feels like the floor collapsed under him. There isn’t anyway that Eddie isn’t saying what he thinks he’s saying.
How could Eddie have ever been able to read Buck’s words unless they were his.
A single tear rolls down his face. Eddie’s thumb brushing it away. If Eddie is his soulmate then his words are written on Eddie’s arm.
Tearing his gaze away from Eddie his eyes land on the words swirling around his best friend’s arm. He can’t read it from his angle.
Buck’s hand slides over Eddie’s hand which still holds his face. Interlacing their fingers together Buck pulls Eddie closer. A quiet gasp leaves Eddie’s mouth.
Buck’s hands trail up his arm until he reaches the bottom of the letters. Before reading the words he looks toward Eddie.
Eddie gives a slight nod. With his permission Buck pushes his sleeve up.
He slowly turns Eddie’s arm gently just enough to see the beginning of the mark.
Okay. You. You are my problem.
Sure enough his words stare back at him. He remembers them exactly. They were arguing in the gym that day. If Eddie knew from the beginning that they were soulmates why had he only told him now.
Buck feels tears prick his eyes again.
“W-why did you not tell me?” His voice reflects his confusion.
He searches Eddie’s face for disgust or regret instead he finds him smiling sadly.
“You didn’t react in the slightest that day. I thought it was always going to be one-sided.”
Buck can’t hide his shock at his admission.
“And you were going to be okay being my friend forever knowing that?” He can only imagine what Eddie would have felt like this whole time. Buck dreamed about him being his soulmate. It wasn’t like he believed that it would ever be possible. Eddie was under the impression that his soulmate wasn’t his. And still stuck by his side for years. He had to endure watching his soulmate love people who weren’t him.
Eddie nodded. “That would have been enough for me.”
How was he supposed to do anything but pull Eddie in. Wrapping his arms around Eddie, Buck tucks his face into his neck
Eddie is taken aback for a moment before melting into the embrace. Buck can feel tears wetting his shirt, his own falling freely. At this moment it doesn’t matter. Nothing really does. Nothing but Eddie.
They stay wrapped in each other’s arms for a long time. Just holding each other tight. Buck will need to talk to his therapist about this most definitely. He doesn’t know how to explain that his soulmate was dead but wasn’t actually gone just living his own life for years. Until he randomly became his co-worker and best friend for even more time.
All of the logistics would be tomorrow’s problem. Today was for holding his soulmate, his best friend close to him.
Buck was the first to pull away. Just enough to look into the same eyes that have haunted his dreams and his nightmares.
Eddie smiled back at him. His eyes darted down toward Buck’s lips. He could feel his heart racing as he leaned forward.
It lasted for only a second. A small peck if anything. Filled with uncertainty Buck was about to ask if it was okay.
He whispered in the little space between them.
“Was that o-“
Buck felt Eddie’s hand thread through his hair pulling him back. His lips smashed into his. It wasn’t gentle. Eddie was pouring every ounce of his love into kissing him. Keeping him close and touching every inch of him that he’s dreamed about. To Buck’s own surprise he didn’t even mind the force of it all. His body was on alight as both of Eddie’s hands moved to grip his waist. They slowly glided up under his shirt until they were touching bare skin.
He could his face flush. His thoughts were clear for the first time in months. Eddie was pressed up against him kissing him as if he’d been doing it for years and it was perfect.
It was almost perfect. At least until he remembered one key detail.
Pushing away from Eddie was one of the most difficult things he probably would ever do. It seemed like Eddie felt the same displeasure as he stared back at Buck with a red face filled with confusion. His hair twisted up in all directions. The front of his shirt wrinkled. He was a sight to behold. But he couldn’t forget now that he remembered.
Did Eddie seriously not realize he was in a committed relationship with a woman.
“Eddie, you can’t be kissing someone when you’re dating Ana!” Buck was practically shouting.
Eddie seemed to have no remorse or recollection whatsoever about his relationship.
He simply shrugged casually as ever and said “I broke up with Ana a couple of weeks ago.”
Buck felt a little bit crazy. Their whole conversation has been a whirlwind. His conscience does feel lighter knowing he didn’t help his best friend cheat on his girlfriend. All in all, still crazy.
He rubs his hands down his face. Hanging his head in the palm of his hands. The surprise and mix of emotions have exhausted him. It has been an emotional toll and as much as Buck would love to make out with his very much breathing soulmate he knows that his lack of sleep has caught up with him. Eddie seems to understand as he approaches cautiously. Buck can feel Eddie standing in front of him now.
He grabs Buck’s wrists pulling them away from his face. As Buck looks up he doesn’t see judgment or annoyance. Just Eddie looking at him with utmost admiration.
“I think we should get some sleep. Talk in the morning about everything.”
All Buck has energy for is a simple nod.
He barely makes it in Eddie’s bed before feeling himself drift off. The last thing he sees before falling asleep is Eddie. And for once he isn’t scared about his nightmares of reliving losing his soulmate. Because he knows now that he isn’t alone in the world. His soulmate is right next to him. For forever and everything after.