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Being a mutual friend of Alexander Hamilton and Thomas Jefferson is a hard thing to accomplish. You could start out being a friend of both, like James Madison did, but eventually, one would manage to convince you to turn against the other through immense amounts of shit-talking and maybe even spreading a few crazy rumors about the other (Thomas won James’ support in his and Alexander’s everlasting war). The only person who I can think of who’s managed it so far, besides myself, is Angelica Schuyler, who figured out some way to continue being good friends with Alexander while still being close with Thomas. If I’m being honest, I could only be able to stay mutual in their battle by having an equal burning annoyance with both of them. Alexander is too loud and pushy and irritating, and Thomas is too in your face and obnoxious. Really, they’re a lot alike, those two. They really are. They probably have more in common than Alexander and John Laurens, Alexander’s best friend. Maybe that’s why they fight. The both of them are far too loud with their opinions, both too willing to fight anyone who doesn’t agree with them, and far too hotheaded for my taste. That’s not to say that I don’t get irritated when someone says something I disagree with, but at the very least, I’ve got the decency to keep it to myself. With those two, it’s like the term “keep it to yourself” is some alien code from a foreign land, far, far away from Earth.
Another thing they have in common, probably the biggest thing, is that they both play musical instruments. It seems like a small thing to compare, right? It seems like a dumb thing to mention, I know. I mean, tons of people in the world play instruments. Thing is, those psychos somehow manage to fight through music. Alexander plays the trumpet, and Thomas plays the violin, totally different instruments. Alexander hadn’t even started playing the trumpet until he found out through Angelica that Thomas plays the violin. He literally learned how to play an instrument just to use it to piss off Thomas. And believe me when I say it worked. Still does. It especially worked when Thomas would learn how to play a piece of a song on his violin, and Alexander, just to be an ass, would learn the whole song of his trumpet, or Alexander would be practicing in the band room alone, and Thomas would walk in way before his turn to use the room, and interrupt Alexander’s practicing with his own music. Sometimes Thomas does this while I’m practicing with Alexander (I play the trombone, so sometimes he invites me to play with him).
Really, the only upside of their fighting is that it’s usually pretty funny before it gets annoying. Like this one time. It was after school and me and Alexander were practicing this song he really wanted to try out, “Ne Me Quitte Pas” by Regina Spektor, before Thomas walked in half an hour before he was scheduled to use it. While they flung insults back and forth for a few minutes, I had took the time to look through the rest of the notes to the song, trying to memorize it. I don’t remember exactly what Thomas said that caused me to look up from the sheets of paper, maybe something about Alexander’s trumpet being an ugly hunk of brass. What happened next, though, just about killed me. Alexander had immediately spread his legs apart, bent them at the knees a bit, and kept his arms straight down at his sides while still holding the trumpet in his left hand, before saying, “Actually, I call it: Bold and Brass !” Then he lifted the instrument and blew out a high toot toot!
Of course, Thomas answered him with, “More like Belongs in the Trash !”
Alexander threw the stand holding his sheets at Thomas’ head, and missed.
I didn’t laugh or anything, out of respect for Thomas, but I did have to bite the inside of my cheek to keep myself from laughing. After that, they used their usual insults: Alexander calling Thomas the Green Giant, Thomas calling Alexander an angry little gnome, so on and so forth.
Eventually I told Alexander that we should keep practicing, so we could play the song in class for their playing test in a few days, and he agreed. Thomas went and sat in one of the chairs in the back corner of the room and arms crossed in front of him, watching.
Here’s something I forgot to mention: those two fight like cats and dogs, needless to say, but what a lot of people don’t realize is when they think no one is looking, one will stare at the other with this longing look in their eyes. Honestly, sometimes I wonder when they’ll just make out, or fuck, or murder each other.
Being a mutual friend of Alexander Hamilton and Thomas Jefferson is definitely a hard thing to do, no doubt. But the look in their eyes when they so much as watch the other laugh or sleep makes it worth it. The anticipation of wondering who will confess first? makes the irritation worth it. It makes me feel like the audience of a shitty rom-com, screaming at the TV to just kiss already! But, like I said, it’s worth it.