Chapter Text
Thing Addams is a simple man.
Truly.
He doesn’t need a lot to find himself in an utterly satisfied and tranquil state of mind. Just a nice little massage, a manicure performed to perfection and a thick coating of his favorite hand lotion, with an irresistible note of neroli and bergamot.
And for a special treat on an exceptionally fine day, a little bit of micro needling, to tighten his skin as well. Not to forget an hour-long bubble bath, followed by a good night’s sleep perched on a mountain of fluffy pillows covered in mulberry silk, which Morticia ordered directly from China especially for him.
And to top it all off, maybe some soft music playing in the background, a few blood scented candles spread across the room to create a cozy, almost intimate vibe for him to relax completely and let go of all of the stress of his everyday life.
Now, if you wonder why the life of a severed hand could be filled with so much stress at all, there is a simple answer to it. And the answer comes in the name of Wednesday Addams.
Thing, of course, loves her more than life and death combined, just like any other member of the Addams family does.
And yes, Thing would do anything for that girl. Literally. He would sacrifice all luxuries in life without batting an eye. Figuratively speaking, considering he technically doesn’t have an eye to bat. But still, if he had an eye, he wouldn’t bat it.
He would let someone pluck his beloved fingernails one by one, if it kept Wednesday safe. And he would even go as far as to sacrifice his life for her, without a moment’s hesitation.
He has known Wednesday from when she was a tiny, wrinkled and sour looking infant, barely an hour old, who would scream her head off night and day, even causing the wolves living in the forest near-by to howl back on more than one occasion.
When she was teething, Thing sacrificed his fingers as chewing toys, as nothing else seemed to work. He was by her side when she learned to crawl, then walk. He handed her arrows to shoot and even volunteered to act as her life target for knife throwing practices.
Not to forget, that he has always proven himself to be the most reliable partner in crime, like the time she told him to sabotage the carousel breaks during her eight birthday party. He held his fingers afterwards, not saying a word of it afterward, despite the unusually severe scolding of Morticia once all party guests had departed. Which, in all fairness, the Addams matriarch only did, because some of the kids jumping off in despair ruined her perfectly grown roses next to it.
Yes, Thing Addams has always, and without a single doubt, been the most perfect companion to Wednesday Addams.
Yet, he absolutely blames the seventeen-year-old for all of the additional wrinkles he has found on his hand in recent months. Because to be quite frank - she is driving him mad.
Bonkers.
Slowly turning him into a lunatic.
And if he had any hair, she would cause them to turn grey. Thing is sure of it.
Now the innocent mind which doesn’t know any better, might suspect the endless monster hunting, Wednesday’s knack for getting herself into life threatening situations, where Thing once again as to help save her, or even the Addams family’s rather unusual lifestyle lead by a devoted love for torture and pain, to be the underlying cause for all of it.
But no, that’s not it.
Not even their two month long search for their shared, best friend Enid Sinclair in the Canadian wilderness contributed to the issue.
Besides, even the awful nights outdoors in pouring rain, the seemingly never-ending state of having dirt squeezed underneath his fingernails from running through woods day after day, or the lack of sleep and anything else remotely considered supportive of both his physical and mental well-being, could ever make Thing not do it all over again, if it meant to save Enid from the dreadful existence as an alpha werewolf, unable to turn back into her human form. No, Enid is way too important to all of them.
Thankfully, for an inexplicable (or to be quite frank - not so inexplicable if one asked Thing) reason, Enid shifted back the very moment Wednesday fearlessly crept closer to her friend, ignoring how the wolf viciously growled at her with bared teeth, and pressed her hand against the side of Enid‘s head.
Apparently, all it took to break Enid’s alpha curse, was for Wednesday to touch her. For both of them to find each other again. The relief Thing felt the moment he knew Enid was saved, was indescribable.
So no, none of that is what caused Thing any considerable stress recently.
The real reason for it, as well as for the risk of losing his mind completely one of these days, is what happened after Canada. Or technically, what has been happening since way before.
And even what is happening right now, on this otherwise glorious Friday night marking their second week back at Nevermore. He‘s relaxing on Wednesday‘s bed, taking a break from flipping through some magazines to look through the circular window, observing two figures standing so close to one another that their shoulders brush, talking.
Two people, who have constantly been by each other’s side ever since returning to the Addams mansion after their time in Canada, where they spent the remaining summer break.
Two people, never not within each other’s reach, ever since that scare of almost having lost the other for good.
You see, Thing has been keeping a secret. A heavy secret. An excruciatingly painful secret, some might even say. One he never thought he would have to carry. Like ever. Or maybe it’s not so much a secret, as it is a suspicion.
That Wednesday - and yes, Thing can hardly even think it himself - that Wednesday Friday Addams, queen of anything dark and twisted and the family’s little raincloud, has finally surrendered herself to the vulnerability of feelings. Of one feeling in particular, to be precise - love.
Yes, Thing is certain, that Wednesday Addams is in love with none other than her rainbow colored, loud and cheerful roommate, Enid Sinclair. And he is equally certain, that the happy werewolf has fallen for her spooky, scary looking roommate all the same.
The suspicion has been lurking underneath his fingernails all throughout their second year at Nevermore - no, scratch that. Since sometime throughout their first year, even.
The never-ending stolen glances. Enid’s unrelenting attempts of getting closer to Wednesday, both emotionally as well as physically. Thing never missed nor ignored all those sneaky touches - linking their arms here, standing just a tad bit closer than friends usually do - with their shoulders brushing and everything - there. Wednesday caring more about Enid's opinion, well-being and safety, than she has ever done for anyone else - even agreeing to ridiculous things like wearing a cat outfit for the Poe Cup or the hand-made snood, just because Enid told her to.
And then they even hugged each other - like, a proper, tight and lasting hug. Which, if Thing hadn’t witnessed them growing closer over the course of the year, would have made him worried about Wednesday losing her sanity for allowing such unusual physical proximity. Because never before has he seen Wednesday allowing anyone outside her immediate family to touch her in such a form. And those hugs were only ever tolerated, at most, but never actively sought out by the girl herself.
And then there was this entire Bruno-and-Agnes fiasco last year. Enid’s outright jealousy over Wednesday spending time with Agnes instead of with her, and Enid’s own rather…convenient displays of affection with that hideous werewolf boy, whenever Wednesday was around. Thing still shudders at the mere memories, by the way, as he too absolutely detested seeing those two together all over each other. Like - ew. God, it made him want to drag that guy off Enid more than once.
„He‘s just so thoughtful and sweet,“ Enid told Thing repeatedly. „He just…you know it‘s like he truly sees me. The new me, I mean. The confident me. And I - I like being around him too. With him, I mean. And he…he‘s…well he‘s just great. For me. Great for me.“
Mind you, not once had Thing actually asked Enid about such a description of Bruno. No, she just kept bringing it up and saying things like by herself all the time, as if trying to convince herself of it that way.
Though honestly? Thing always got the impression that Enid was merely entertaining the idea of being with Bruno to make Wednesday jealous. And potentially to distract herself from her ever growing feelings for her roommate. Who knows.
And who knew Thing’s life would turn into such a mess of teenage hormones and first loves? He certainly didn‘t himself.
Anyways.
While Enid might have thought her attempts of making Wednesday jealous with Bruno didn’t work, Thing also knows, that this is not true. Not true at all.
You see, Thing knows Wednesday. And he observed every small change and reaction in her. How her eyes narrowed, how she froze up momentarily every time she saw Enid and that werewolf guy in a rather…uncomfortable-to-witness interaction.
Or how she pressed her lips together hard enough to almost draw blood in such moments and how the atmosphere around her dropped by a few degrees, like being caught up in a sudden snow storm.
„I am not jealous, Thing,“ Wednesday spat back every time Thing tried to point out the truth to her. „I‘m not even physically capable of feeling such an ill-suited emotion. And if you don‘t stop being this insufferable by spreading lies, I‘m not above breaking a few of your fingers to make you stop.“
See? This is exactly why Wednesday is driving him mad. Thing can somewhat understand Enid's hesitation to confess her love to Wednesday, seeing as the latter has repeatedly and loudly proclaimed to never fall in love or be interested in a romantic relationship in the past. But Wednesday really has absolutely no reason, not to give in to what is so clearly happening between them. Yet, she would rather drown herself in a bath of sulfuric acid, than admit it. Seriously - this girl will be the death of him one day.
But despite trying to hide it from the world - and most probably from herself as well still, at least partially - Thing knows for a fact, that Wednesday has already devoted her heart and life to Enid. He knows her better than anyone, after all.
But don‘t tell Morticia he said that.
Oh, and if someone is still not convinced of Wednesday‘s feelings for Enid, then may he quickly present the story of what happened in Kansas City last summer?
Wednesday first learned of the Kansas City Scalper on the morning of her sixth birthday as she read an article about the case in her then newly gifted edition of the Crime&Murder magazine. From that point onward, she was pretty much obsessed with the case. Researching all night until the sun rose again, going over every interview and piece of information she could find at least a hundred times. But year after year she couldn‘t find enough clues to identify the killer.
Until last summer.
Let‘s ignore the little details on how they got there, but eventually Wednesday and Thing travelled to where they knew Chet LaTroy - aka the Kansas City Scalper - lived, then - with a tiny delay which he‘s also not going to get into for now - they managed to take him down, tie him up and cut off all his hair, just like he did it with all of his victims as well.
After, as Thing was freely moving around the room to get a closer look at the killer‘s trophies, he saw it - a cozy miniature couch, which the Scalper used for one of the dolls. It would have made the most perfect addition to his house at Nevermore.
But just as he started dragging the doll on it off, Wednesday said sharply, „What are you doing?“
Thing stopped and turned to her. „Take couch. For Nevermore house.“
Wednesday‘s eyes narrowed at him. „Don‘t.“
„Why?“
„Because all of this is evidence, Thing.“
And you know, maybe Thing could have lived with her explanation and knowing that it truly was for the best to not bring that couch with him.
Well, if it weren‘t for what Wednesday herself did next, that is. Because as she too took a closer look at all the dolls, she suddenly grabbed the largest one and secured it underneath her arm.
„What do?“ Thing demanded to know immediately, tapping his fingers against the long table in the middle of the room.
„None of your business,“ Wednesday deflected, which made Thing stop. Wait a second. He looked at the item more closely and realized something crucial. That doll, with her blonde hair and fluffly, sparkly dress looked like a creepy, disturbing and lifeless copy of their favorite werewolf. Huh.
Huh.
„Souvenir?“ he asked, once again wishing he had a mouth just so he could show Wednesday that big smirk on it as he asked this.
Wednesday turned on the spot, as she quickly growled, „Yes,“ before rushing out of the room. With the doll still in her arm.
So far, so good.
But imagine Thing‘s deadly shock when he realized, that Wednesday never took that doll for herself. That the only reason she dragged this giant, fucking doll halfway across the country - first on the airplane back to New Jersey, then in an extra trunk all the way to Nevermore, is because she decided that it‘s the perfect gift for Enid.
A gift.
For Enid.
From her.
Representing the first victim of her favorite serial killer case.
Thing held back on commenting how Enid would have probably preferred the doll that looked like Wednesday, rather than the one that looked like herself, but it would have been too late anyways.
The significance of this action alone, however, should be clear as day to every last person on earth.
And Thing - well, he honestly didn‘t know if he should gag or swoon over it.
It is safe to say, that old, pre-Enid Wednesday would be utterly mortified by herself today. After all, she swore to never fall in love. But alas - here they are.
Thing keeps staring at the girls. Enid is gesturing wildly with her hands. It looks like she is busy telling her roommate and best friend another story about who knows what. And Wednesday appears to be listening. And pretending to not be interested in the gossip Enid is sharing with her, while at the same time being able to retell each and every single detail of it even weeks later. As always.
But finally circling back to Thing’s initial statement. Yes, he is a simple man. And he is also a patient man.
He always let the girls do their thing, and simply stood by their side, offering support when needed, but waiting for them to get their shit together themselves.
But truth to be told - Thing has had enough.
He just can’t bear it anymore. And who could blame him?
Something needs to be done. Something - or someone - needs to force these two girls into action, because if he has to endure this pining and those lovesick glances any longer, he might as well electrocute himself instead.
Seriously, he can only take this much torture after all.
Enid suddenly brings her arms up to hug herself, rubbing her hands up and down along her upper arms. Wednesday‘s brows lower as she asks Enid a question. The latter tries to wave her off, but Thing knows the expression on Wednesday‘s face. She has made up her mind already.
And he‘s right. Because just two seconds later, the window opens and through it comes a determined looking Wednesday. She crosses the room in quick steps, then comes to a halt in front of her bed.
„I need this blanket,“ she tells him, pointing at the one Thing has been lounging on.
„Enid cold?“
„Yes.“
„You cold too?“
A small frown forms on Wednesday‘s face. „Of course not.“
„Why no take Enid blanket?“
For a moment, Wednesday stands frozen and stares at him. Thing holds his none-existent breath, waiting for what will happen next.
„Mind your own business, Thing,“ she growls, and before Thing even realizes what is going to happen, she already reaches down and forcefully pulls the blanket out from underneath him.
Unable to prevent it, Thing helplessly tumbles to the side, then drops off the edge of the bed altogether, landing on the floor with a dull bang.
Okay, rude.
Hello? Since when is this an appropriate way to treat your most loyal companion?
Well, at least his nail polish didn't chip. That would have been another disaster.
Thing gets up and marches forward, intending on telling Wednesday off for it, but the sight of the girl already being back outside and wrapping the blanket around Enid‘s shoulders with so much care, stops him in his tracks.
Frozen, he watches the two girls looking at each other, with Enid wearing a bright sparkle in her eyes and a soft, warm smile on her mouth. And even Wednesday‘s expression lacks her usual hardness, as she returns Enid‘s gaze.
For a moment Thing wonders, if this is it.
If this is what he has been waiting for all this time.
His fingers jerk nervously as he swears he can see the distance between them closing - just for Wednesday to quickly turn to her right, before looking up at the night‘s sky.
Coward.
Then Enid follows suit and leans against the stone railing too.
Cowards. Both of them.
Second-hand embarrassment - that's what he feels right now. They are being so ridiculous, it's almost laughable. Except that it's not. Because it only makes Thing's suffering continue.
Okay, that’s it.
He will have to take matters into his own hands.
Correction. Hand.
And in case you are wondering - yes, Thing is aware, that his track record of meddling with Wednesday’s love life is not the best, thank you very much.
Dropping that note off at the Weathervane to invite the Hyde to the dance the year before last, will forever be Thing’s greatest regrets in life. It even exceeds his regret of not having accepted Fester’s invitation for a trip four years ago, then later heard that he went to the Maldives of all places. Thing might be an Addams but damn, he would absolutely be down for some sunbathing on a gorgeous beach, sipping on some cocktails and enjoying a massage or two.
But honestly - how could Thing have known that he was the monster they had been looking for? Not even Wednesday realized it at that point.
Anyways. This time around, Thing knows that what he will be doing, is unquestionably good. Because he knows Enid. And he could truly not imagine a better match for Wednesday.
They are just so perfect together. Spectacular. Like a lid to an urn. Or a flame to an arsonist.
To the point, where it almost becomes disgusting. And he is certain, that these two girls’ future will be filled with a nausea-inducing amount of love - just like Morticia and Gomez. And Enid will make Wednesday happy - truly happy - because she is already doing it.
Besides, seeing as Wednesday is basically like his adoptive niece, Thing feels a strong obligation to make sure, she will only get the best in life. And that best is simply Enid. Period.
So it's decided then. Thing will take the matter into his own hand to bring them together.
And before anyone questions his tactics - or more specifically, why he doesn’t just try to talk to both girls directly - a little reminder: Addamses doesn’t solve problems with words. They do it by taking actions.
So, taking action it is.
And for the love of Satan and all things unholy, he has to succeed. Not just for the girls’ sake, but also to finally put a stop to his own rapid aging. Because even Morticia‘s dewdrop and ash lotion can only do this much to help preserve the youthfulness in his skin and joints.
So yes, he will not stop until he succeeds.
For now though, he will take a long, steaming bubble bath. This day has been way too exhausting again.