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The throne room was too damn bright. Undyne was used to Waterfall, where the only natural light sources were the ceiling gems reflecting the light from surrounding areas. She’d been to the throne room before, of course, and she hadn’t really minded when it was only for a little while, but sitting in the light all day was giving her a headache.
Maybe she’d live underground after they break the barrier and destroy humanity. Or maybe she’d build a dark fortress on the surface, one of those structures where everything is all creepy and shadowy like in Alphys’s history books. That would also be helpful for establishing her authority over the surface. Something to remember for later, then.
The day was almost over, and Undyne was glad to soon be “off the clock” (as far off the clock as the High Empress and Commander-in-Chief of All Monsters could get, anyway). There were so many minor details she had to attend to, petty conflicts she had to resolve, and roadblocks she had to clear on the way to following her master plan of revenge. The entire ordeal made her respect Asgore a lot more, although she didn’t like thinking about Asgore beyond fantasizing about avenging him these days.
Against the standard daily agenda and all basic professional instincts, she called Papyrus into the throne room. He entered quickly, his decorative sheath bouncing off his armor and his hands flapping at his sides. No wonder he was excited— this was the first time Undyne had called him in. His job wasn’t to carry out basic tasks, it was to stand around and look cute, after all. But Undyne could use his advice on this matter.
“Your Excellency called for me?” he said, in the best impression of a medieval knight. It was remarkable how he still had so much enthusiasm after being left to stand around doing nothing day after day. He looked a bit more tired than usual, but so did everyone these days. He was still her old friend, and he still trusted her.
Undyne cleared her throat. “Uh, yes,” she said in her Empress voice. “I would, uh, like to seek counsel with you, regarding… wait.” She smirked. “‘Your Excellency’?”
“It’s fitting!” Papyrus crossed his arms, and the tension in the air seemed to lighten. “You are excellent, by all measures! And it sounds cool, which is the important part!”
“How about ‘Your Mercilessness’? Or ‘Your Strong Fishiness’? Or, you know, just ‘Undyne’? My name is already cool!”
“True…” Papyrus paused to think for a moment. As if he didn’t have a whole list of these. “How about ‘Your Authority’?”
“That makes me sound like a teacher!”
“How about ‘Your Pickiness’ if you keep stalling this decision?”
Undyne grinned. “How about ‘shut up nerd’!” Even with her royal vestments, she could easily noogie Papyrus, for which she was grateful. He wriggled his way out of her grip and collapsed onto the floor, a hand laid delicately on his forehead. “Nooo!” he exclaimed. “I’ve been bested by Shut Up Nerd the High Empress and Commander-in-Chief of All Monsters! No monologue could express how thoroughly bested I’ve been! Tell Sans… I love him…” And then Undyne was knocked off her feet by a bone attack, and Papyrus jumped up, grinning triumphantly until Undyne slammed into him at full force.
“Aiiiieeee, I give! I give!” He struggled to free himself from Undyne’s noogie once more, and she decided to have mercy and let him go. He looked disheveled, but still proud of himself, which was odd, because he had clearly lost the fight. She felt far lighter than she had felt in what seemed like ages, and nearly forgot why she had called Papyrus in until he cleared his throat and said, “So, Shut Up Nerd, what do you require of the Most Important Royal Position-Holder?”
“Oh, yes.” Undyne tried to switch her voice back to Empress mode, deeper and more commanding than her normal voice. She settled on something in between. “I’d like to get more recruits for the Guard, and I thought that Mettaton could help me convince people to join up, since everyone loves him and all, but Alphys acted kind of weird when I asked her about it. She said he wouldn’t go for that sort of thing. You like Mettaton’s stuff, right? What do you think?”
Now Papyrus was… smirking at her? No, more like cringing sympathetically, or something like that. “I see your problem,” he said. “Mettaton doesn’t do stuff like that. He has a very firm no-politics policy, so that his work can continue to be a source of escapism!”
“He literally tried to kill the human!”
“Look, Undyne, have you seen his show before?” Was he being condescending? “You should come over to my house and watch an episode! Then maybe you’d understand the futility of this mission!”
Undyne was about to protest, but decided that she was done with work for the day and gave in. “Okay, Papyrus, I can come over now if you like. I don’t have anything else to do today.” An idea popped into her head. “But we need to assume the royal formation on the way!”
“What’s the royal- nyeeeeh!” Papyrus squealed as Undyne picked him up bridal style and started running down the corridor.
——
Mettaton’s show was… about what she expected. It had great special effects, probably thanks to Alphys, but telling the difference between each character when Mettaton played all of them was too much effort for Undyne, so she zoned out for most of the show, all work-related concerns about Mettaton's persona forgotten. Papyrus brought a bowl of popcorn, a food that humans apparently ate while watching movies. The little kernels didn’t taste like much, but it was satisfying to pop them open with her teeth. Humans must have awfully sharp teeth if they eat these, she thought.
Papyrus was explaining one of the show’s plot points, she was pretty sure. He’d been so enthusiastic from the moment they arrived at his house, and probably didn’t even notice that she didn’t understand anything he was saying. She noticed Papyrus had stopped talking and tried to think of something to say.
“Uhhh, yeah! I love his…. posing! It’s really dramatic, he’s really good at conveying the emotion of the scene, and uh, the rose petals are really nice?”
“Wow, those are my thoughts exactly! You’re really smart, Undyne!” He bounced a little on the couch, and Undyne’s grinchy empress heart swelled.
“Thanks so much for inviting me over, Papyrus,” she said, hoping to impart strongly she felt about it. “Everything’s been so crazy, and I feel like I haven’t really talked to anyone in weeks, and I kinda missed you? So, uh. Yeah. You’re a good friend.”
“Awww….” Papyrus patted Undyne on the head with encouraging force. “You’re a good friend too, Undyne! And you’re a great leader! I love standing around and looking cute all day every day with nothing else to do!”
Undyne winced. “Aw, are you mad at me about that? I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings or anything…” He hadn’t complained about this before, but there’s no way that statement wasn’t passive aggressive. Probably not. Reading Papyrus was hard.
“Well…” Papyrus thought for a moment. “I was a tiny bit annoyed about not being able to ‘hang’ with you… but we’re hanging out now! So I’m not really annoyed anymore. Besides…” he waved his hand around, looking for a way to explain himself. “It’s actually really nice, because I get to talk to people who are waiting to see you, so I’ve made a lot of new friends! Of course, no one will replace you, but the Great Papyrus has a lot of love to go around!” He grinned. Undyne couldn’t tell if he was being serious or not, and decided against thinking about it for too long.
“You wanna do this again next week? I’ve got some GREAT shows I want you to see.”
“What?? Of course, I would love to!!!”
Undyne slept soundly that night. (Though she didn’t know it, so did Papyrus.) It’s a cheesy sentiment, and she said it at least five times a day to Alphys, but the world felt just a little lighter with her friends at her side.