Archive of Our Own

“Nobara open up!” Yuji shouts while pounding on her door. Showing up unannounced at her door was always a gamble and there was a 70/30 chance that she would either yell at him to get lost or——if she was in a good mood——actually let him in and hear him out.

Despite knowing this, Yuji still decides to take his chances today. Who knows, maybe she might take pity on him this time if she can make out the desperation in his voice.

The second he stopped knocking he could hear footsteps, and the distant murmurs of a very annoyed Nobara. He was also able to make out the sound of someone rummaging around through something before the door swung open a few moments later. Nobara was right there, pure aggravation written across her features.

“Hey Nobara! I need to-wait what the hell?”

Yuji’s train of thought came to an abrupt stop when he noticed the absolute wreck of a dorm behind her figure. Clothes were scattered literally everywhere and littered among them were a variety of cosmetics, hair brushes, jewelry, and schoolwork that had been ultimately abandoned in the wreckage. It seemed as though the entirety of all of her and her roommates possessions were covering the dorm floor. Not a single piece of carpet was even visible.

“Well what did you expect asshole! Didn’t I tell you to stop coming to my dorm out of nowhere? Is it really that hard to let me know you’re coming ahead of time?” Nobara yelled.

They’ve been friends long enough for Yuji to know that the fact she hasn’t slammed the door in his face yet is a clear sign that she’s practically inviting him in. So Yuji stepped inside, inviting himself in while still distracted by the complete disaster that was Nobara’s dorm.

“There’s no way you’re already getting ready. It’s 3pm and the party isn’t until 9,” Yuji states as he looks back at Nobara, piecing together the only explanation for why her dorm room was in such a disastrous state, especially knowing how Maki gets when their dorm is anything short of pristine.

“I go out every weekend, do you really think I would be making a big deal out of just any party? It’s an end of the year celebration, literally everyone is going to be there. Also, all of my classes were in the morning so now I have the rest of the day to get ready. Anyways, can we go back to why you just invited yourself inside and began insulting my process of preparation?” Nobara turns the topic back to Yuji. “If it’s because of something stupid I’m kicking you out,” she quipped.

“Oh! Right, Nobara this is really important. I know I say that every time but this time I mean it!”

Nobara was already preparing for Yuji to go on a whole spiel about something dumb, but nonetheless, she sits down on her dorm bed signaling for Yuji to do the same by patting the space next to her. Yuji wastes no time sitting right besides her without taking a single moment to pause his already ongoing speech.

Yuji has gotten into the habit of ranting all of his problems to Nobara, a habit that she has become very accustomed to. Despite how each time she tends to protest and complains about Yuji “constantly bothering her,” she always gives in rather quickly. 6 years of friendship has made it fairly easy for them to read each other, a type of intuition that can only be polished with time.

“I really want to convince Megumi to come to this one. He never goes out anywhere and is always locked up in his room studying and it has been really getting on my nerves. But especially since he has been non-stop studying for finals I just really want him to go out and finally have some fun! Relax, you know! So I have been thinking about how I can convince him but I feel like I have already tried every method in the book and nothing has ever worked out before. So now I really need your help, I don’t know what to do.” Yuji mumbled the last bit as he slumps over and sighs dramatically.

Nobara tended to be great at giving advice, the main reason for why she was the first choice for whenever Yuji found himself in a dilemma of any sort. However, things became a lot trickier whenever Megumi was involved. The best way to describe him would be a closed book of which every single page had been superglued together. So even Nobara, who specialty was being able to read anyone despite how hard they tried to keep things hidden, wasn’t capable of getting anything he intended to conceal out of Megumi.

Nobara just stares over at Yuji, trying to process everything that he has just said and simultaneously deciding whether this was going to be a waste of her time or not. She also wanted Megumi to come but she was also trying to be realistic in the fact that this outcome was very, very unlikely.

She knew that Yuji always asked Megumi to come whenever there was something of this sort going on. Yet despite Yuji being the most relentless and insistent person that Nobara has ever come across, nothing he ever did had ever caused Megumi to budge.

“I really don’t know dude. And why are you coming to me with this right now anyways? Like you said, the party isn’t for another 6 hours.”

Yuji really didn’t know what to say to this. Why did this time feel so different? Why now? Maybe it was because it was the end of the year? Well, it’s not like he won’t ever see Megumi during the summer. They both have apartments near the campus in complexes that are only a few blocks away from each other that they stayed in during the summer.

He shrugged it off as just wanting to see his friend step outside of his comfort zone and this being the perfect opportunity for that, but he knew that excuse would never slide by Nobara. Even if it was partially true, he couldn’t deny that something felt off this time around. Like he had some divine duty to convince Megumi that now, of all times, he needed to come.

Right before he could shrug her off with his bland excuse, they hear the door open and both whip their heads in the direction of the entrance. From there, Maki emerges carrying a couple plastic bags from the nearby drug store. She didn’t look up as she quickly placed down her keys and bags on the desk near the entrance.

“Hey I couldn’t--“ Maki immediately cuts her sentence off. “What is he doing here?” She stares between Yuji and Nobara with a raised eyebrow once she finally looks up. She toes her shoes off but doesn’t proceed to enter the room any further.

“I honestly had no idea he was coming. He came here begging for my help in convincing Megumi to come to the party.”

“Good luck with that,” Maki blandly chuckles as she puts down a bag of whatever she got when she was out and starts to rummage through it. “I got the pain meds that you wanted so that you aren’t gonna be a pain in the ass when you’re hung over. I couldn’t find the concealer you wanted though so you can just use mine.” She quickly changes the topic, completely ignoring the boy staring up at her from Nobara’s bed.

“Ok perfect that’s fine” Nobara replies as she stands up and makes her way over to the bag. They then continue their talk about further party prep, completely ignoring the boy sitting down on the bed. Yuji took this as a sign that they’re now going to be way too busy to deal with his random episode of panic, so he silently slips out of the dorm, taking a frustrating sigh once he closes the door behind him. He begins to feel as though the air is suffocating him from inside, sending a chill down his spine despite the heat of the upcoming summer that was infiltrating the hallway.

He needed some air. Some real, fresh, outside air and not whatever unbearable humidity was being circled around by the beat down AC units which have long stopped being able to do their actual job. So he advances towards the exit, wanting to ensure that the stifling feeling doesn’t cause him any further panic. Once outside, he takes a breath of relief before sitting down on a nearby bench and making his best effort to declutter his own mess of thoughts rampaging through his brain.

He tells himself that Nobara was right, there’s a whole 6 hours until the party. He is sure to think of something before then. For now he should just ignore Megumi. There’s a higher chance of him saying yes if Yuji leaves him alone for the time being. Maybe all he needs is to have his social battery charged rather than have Yuji pester him——which is what he had previously done in his efforts of convincing him to go out.

Since that was always to no avail, then it’s about time he takes a different approach.

————————————————————

To pass the time, Yuji went back to his own dorm after wandering outside for approximately 30 minutes and trying to clear his head. The most it did was burn off a small fraction of the pent up energy he had, but as far as clearing his head went, he was almost certain that being alone with his thoughts like that just made everything worse.

Back at his dorm, he tried everything to at least take his mind off of Megumi. He needed some real distractions. So he took one of the longest showers of his life, put on his favorite show, and then scrolled through his socials a bit. He even tried reorganizing his closet for the first time ever——this being possibly the most out of character thing he has ever done, and a clear indicator that something was seriously wrong with him. It was easy to pretend like he wasn’t losing it when he was jumping from task to task, barely giving himself a moment to breathe in between.

If he did give himself even a moment to actually think about his current predicament, he wasn’t sure he would be able to escape the spiral he would inevitably find himself in.

Throughout everything, his mind kept finding itself going back to his conversation with Nobara, as there was one thing in particular that stuck out to him,

What was so different this time?

He was having a hard time ignoring this reoccurring thought. Maybe he could fool Nobara by saying that it really is just because Megumi is his best friend and he wants him to be by his side or that other bullshit excuse he was close to giving her before their conversation was interrupted. But he sure couldn’t fool himself when he knew that there was definitely something else. He just had no idea what that something could possibly be.

And because Yuji really didn’t want to think so hard about the underlying reasons behind his weird thoughts, he decided that instead, it was about time that he went over to Megumi’s dorm. For the past few hours he has been desperately busying himself with whatever, the ticking of the clock a mere mockery of his impatience.

It felt like time had been moving in slow motion, nothing that he did serving to alleviate any of the restlessness that he felt so deeply in the marrow of his every bone.

He didn’t think he could possibly last any longer like this.

————————————————————

It was only about an hour and a half before the party when Yuji showed up to Megumi’s dorm. He had already received a train of texts from Nobara ahead of time, some of which consisted of some actual advice, while most of which were just blatant insults.

Yuji quickly skimmed through them but decided to instead trust his gut, which would either be a hit or a miss depending on how Megumi was feeling that day. His gut was rarely trustworthy whenever it came to his best friend. His unpredictability surprisingly exceeding that of Nobara’s.

He put his phone away, any advice previously received immediately dissipating from his mind.

Yuji reluctantly knocks on the door to his friend’s dorm, a new-found nervousness washing through him that he has never felt before around Megumi.

Megumi opened the door almost immediately, staring Yuji in the face for a good 10 seconds before stepping aside and letting him in. It seemed like he was already suspicious of Yuji’s nervous demeanor.

“Hey Megumi! Mind if we talk real quick?” Yuji exclaims as he enters Megumi’s dorm, a half-hearted smile plastered across his face. He fidgeted with his hands as he stepped inside, then quickly stopped as he caught himself amidst the abnormal act.

Megumi raised an eyebrow at the strange expression and nervous act from his friend—who he knows too well by now—before replying.

“Yeah? What’s up” He questions.

“Ok uh, before I say anything… I want you to first hear me out before replying, deal?”

“Sure”

“Alright,” Yuji starts after a moment of hesitation, “so there’s this party right..” he looks to Megumi to see if there could be any indications towards possible consideration. Megumi doesn’t say anything, as per the deal, signaling to Yuji to continue on with whatever reason he has for why Megumi must absolutely attend this time.

“I really want you to be there Megumi. Like, more than any of the other times. I mean this is a really big party which is probably all the more reason why you wouldn’t want to go but,” Yuji swallows, “It would just really mean a lot to me if you came. I don’t know what it is but I just have a feeling that this time is going to be different. No pressure but it really would mean a lot.”

Megumi was aware of the party already. Word got around quickly, even to those who couldn’t socialize to save their lives. Megumi could socialize if he really wanted to, but still, the biggest party of the year was no secret to anyone. Yuji didn’t even have to go on explaining where, when, or anything else, knowing full well Megumi could find out with no effort at all. In fact, he could open any of his socials and have a near 90% chance of seeing something relating to the party in some way shape or form.

Yuji looked down at the ground. This speech differed greatly from his previous ones. It was laced with a tone of admitted defeat, as if Yuji already knew the exact words that were going to come out of Megumi’s mouth.

“Fine”

“Okay sorry I—what?? Yuji looks at Megumi, eyes wide and jaw agape. He stared at him like he was a newly discovered species of extraterrestrial, reaction completely dramatized compared to the actual scale of the situation.

“I said I’ll come,” Megumi replies calmly, as if Yuji isn’t short-circuiting on the spot.

Yuji continues to stare at the other for a good minute before finally snapping himself back to reality and replying. “Really? Wow I was not expecting that like, at all. Why did you say yes this time? I literally used to beg you to come to parties like half the size of this one and you never budged,” he stammers.

And Megumi, like he didn’t even have to think about it, quickly responds “Well it's the last one of the year and finals are done so…” he looks to Yuji, the boys expression seeming like that answer wasn’t nearly enough. “And you seemed more sincere about it this time I guess.”

At that, Yuji nods his head and beams, his entire mood instantly brightening. “You won’t regret it Megumi, I’ll make sure of it!”

They both made plans to meet at Nobara's dorm in about a half an hour so that they can all uber to the site of the party. With everything being set in motion, they exchange some quick goodbyes and Yuji goes off to his own dorm to pick out the first articles of clothing that he sees to be his outfit for the night.

He thinks about possibly making an effort this time, to give Megumi a good impression of him or something, but then decides against that idea. The thing is that Megumi has never really cared about what he wore either, let alone the whole concept of fashion in general, so there was really no reason to try and impress him this way. Also, there was no real reason for him to try and impress Megumi in general. Yuji wondered why thats the idea that his mind immediately ran to, but quickly brushed it off.

When factoring that in, Yuji found it kind of strange how that thought even popped into his head in the first place. He almost wanted to laugh at how absurd the idea of wanting to impress Megumi was. But Yuji quickly dismissed this once realizing how little time he had to get his shit together and show up at Nobaras.

Whatever, Yuji will think of another way to give Megumi a good time.

After all, he did promise to make this worth it for him. And Yuji never goes back on his promises. Not ever.

————————————————————

By the time they arrived at the scene it was already close to 10, thanks to Nobara’s terrible habits of changing her outfit at least 20 times anytime she has to go out anywhere.

Nobara and Maki immediately went their own ways, leaving Yuji and Megumi by themselves. Although Megumi knew they wouldn’t be alone for long since Yuji was likely friends with around half of the people there. He wasn’t necessarily nervous or anything. He has gotten quite good at being social whenever it was necessary. It took up a lot of his energy but that didn’t really matter right now, he knew that as long as Yuji didn’t abandon him to go talk to his other, way less awkward and quiet friends, then everything would be fine.

He was just hoping not to weigh Yuji down. It was his decision to come here and if Yuji did decide to leave Megumi all alone to focus on actually having fun, then it wasn’t Megumi’s place to get upset at him for it.

They both walk in together and Megumi was already recoiling from the potent smell of weed. He probably should have expected it but still, he wasn’t used to it. As for Yuji, it didn’t seem to phase him one bit. Instead, he grabbed Megumi’s hand and quickly led him through the large foyer and straight to where all of the drinks were. It seems that he had already grown accustomed to the house’s layout since most of the larger parties were all hosted here.

Grabbing a couple cups he started mixing together a concoction of liquor and mixers.

“Here. Nobara taught me some tips on how to make high concentration drinks that don’t even taste like alcohol. Try it” Yuji says, handing him the plastic cup filled with a reddish liquid. Yuji was right, it didn’t taste like alcohol at all. This was probably not a good thing though. When faced with a drink that basically tastes like straight fruit punch, it could be easy to forget that you’re even drinking alcohol in the first place. Megumi’s cup was only halfway full when he noticed Yuji filled his own cup to the absolute brim.

“It’s good” Megumi says, facing Yuji who had been staring at him the entire time he was trying his drink, simply waiting for the moment he gets approval.

Yuji smiles at that and grabs his hand once more to lead him over to the main area where the bulk of the crowd was. Yuji was quick to spot someone he knew. He greeted him and shortly after introduced Megumi to them. Megumi gave a half smile before more people came over and started talking to Yuji.

Soon enough, a large group of people were gathered around on an array of couches. Too many voices filled the space at once. Everyone talking and drinking, some already borderline blacking out. It has already been around 2 hours since the time they got here.

The more time that went on, the more Megumi felt like something was sinking in his chest. It felt like he lacked any energy to even try to be as outgoing as Yuji. He would never be able to match his energy at this rate—not that he was ever able to do so in the first place—and the last thing he wanted was to burden when it was obvious how much tonight meant to Yuji.

So he tapped Yuji on the shoulder, told him he was getting a drink, and went into the rough direction of the kitchen so that he didn’t raise any suspicion. Once he was sure that he was out of Yuji’s sight, he took that opportunity to slip into the backyard of the house. Strangely, no one was out there. Megumi breathed out a sigh of relief at that and sits down on the grass, resting his arms on his knees as he stared off into the distance, looking at nothing in particular.

On top of not wanting to drag his best friend down, he was way too sober to be at this party. The only thing he had was half a cup of whatever Yuji gave him. He wasn’t a light drinker so he barely felt like there was anything in his system. Yuji on the other hand, already downed 2 full cups of his red mystery liquid on top of whatever other kinds of drinks he kept being offered by others over the course of the night.

Nobara and Maki were god knows where. But Megumi didn’t really care. He was just hoping that Yuji was able to have a good time and that he would be too drunk at this point to notice his absence. To his dismay however, only around 10 minutes later did the door slide open to the backyard to reveal a very not sober Yuji peering in at Megumi, and then clumsily stepping towards him.

“Dude what happened? Why are you out here all alone?” Yuji asks, his speech coming out wobbly and slow, each syllable stretched out past the norm. He sits down next to Megumi and starts looking out into the distance where he notices Megumi looking before he comes in to try and see if there was anything worth looking at that he was missing out on.

“Just wanted some air.” Megumi notices Yuji looking off into the distance. “There’s nothing interesting out here, you should go back inside.”

At this point, Yuji decides to lay down to get a better view of the night sky. He doesn’t know why, but Megumi decides to do the same thing. He was tired of sitting anyways, since that’s all that he has been doing since he got here.

“Nooo it’s lame when you’re not there” Yuji whines, throwing his head back before looking at Megumi.

“I wasn’t even doing anything. I was just sitting there.”

“Still”

Megumi wasn’t in the mood to decode what that could possibly mean. It was hard for him to even fathom how someone like Yuji would want someone like him around. Yuji was the kind of person to enter a room and immediately raise the mood without even trying——just by being himself. Megumi always felt like he was the exact opposite of that. And was that the reason why he tended to hate going to parties? Maybe. But he came this time because he didn’t want Yuji thinking that it was his fault Megumi didn’t want to come. Megumi just felt like maybe this time, something would change. Maybe this time he wouldn’t have to feel like an outlier in a place full of hundreds of people who effortlessly fit in.

All these thoughts were racing through his mind. His mood was now a lot worse than it previously was. He didn’t want to be here at all anymore.

“Sorry if you haven’t been having a good time,” Yuji suddenly blurted out, “I promised to make this worth your time, and I couldn’t do that.”

Megumi looked over at Yuji, eyebrows furrowed, expression purely puzzled.

“Uh, it’s fine,” he responds, still slightly confused on where this is all coming from. He didn’t really find it that big of a deal, and Yuji did tend to take the blame for the stupidest things, but for some reason this time it felt weird.

They both continue staring up at the sky, the silence feeling comfortable for Yuji yet Megumi found it to be borderline suffocating. Megumi tried to ignore the feeling and instead tried focusing on anything else. The sky, the stars, the streetlamp buzzing from across the street behind the fence of the yard.

He was so focused on trying to ground himself that he didn’t even notice how Yuji has been staring at him for the past few minutes, a small smile plastered on his face. He also didn’t notice how Yuji started to get up, and continued to stare at Megumi as he crawled over to him without thinking. He only managed to notice when Yuji was already sitting on top of him, kneeling on opposite sides of Megumi's legs.

Megumi’s eyes widened as he lunged up, propping himself up on his elbows. Yuji was smiling down at him while Megumi’s eyes were still wide, jaw slightly agape as he tried to comprehend what exactly was happening.

“Hey Megumi,” Yuji paused, smile slowly widening as he slightly leaned down closer, “I might know a way to make your night slightly better, maybe.” Yuji expressed slight uncertainty yet in no way was his drunken confidence wavering.

He felt Yuji’s breath near his jaw, dangerously close. And Yuji didn’t even give Megumi a chance to respond or even time to fully comprehend anything before leaning down even closer, closing the distance between them.

Megumi’s breath hitched at the sudden motion, mind drawing a complete blank as it chose to instead solely focus on the sensation of Yuji's lips brushing against his own. He could feel his face heat up instantly at the contact. His body froze completely, refusing to move. And when his mind did stop blanking, instead of using his rationale, he instead became bombarded with a million useless thoughts racing through his mind.

What the hell is happening?

Is this real??

This can’t be real…right???”

No, this is just another one of those dreams that I’ve has been having recently, right?

Yeah that has to be it, I’m just dreaming

He doesn’t know how much time has passed, but he eventually was able to snap out of his frenzy and realize the gravity of the situation.

Yuji doesn’t actually want this.

Megumi quickly shoved Yuji off of him as soon as his brain went back to functioning. Yuji was still on top of Megumi and Megumi's palm stayed on Yuji’s chest. They were both out of breath as they just sat there in the moment. Megumi was trying to regather his composure as Yuji was trying to figure out if he did something wrong.

Megumi looked away, a solemn expression written on his face. He removed his hand from Yuji's chest.

Out of every possible reaction, the last thing Yuji expected was to see Megumi sad after he kissed him. Was he really that bad of a kisser? In this drunken state, he didn't have the mental capacity to comprehend anything beyond a surface level, let alone decipher any complex feelings his friend might have been feeling deep down.

“You don’t know what you're doing.” Megumi breaks the silence.

“Huh? What are you talking about yes I-"

“No, you don’t,” Megumi interrupts, “You’ve been drinking all night. You probably have no idea what’s even going on do you?” Megumi’s voice starts to raise, his frustration growing, fueling Yuji’s confusion even further.

“You’re overreacting, I’m fine! If you didn’t like the kiss you can just say that.”

Megumi finally looks at Yuji. His jaw ticks as he grabs Yuji by the collar and pulls him closer. Yuji makes a quiet gasp in response to the sudden action. He was completely lost at this point, wondering whether Megumi was going in for another or if he was about to get scolded. He was having a hard time wrapping his brain around anything right now, the alcohol in his system was not doing him any good but he would never admit that right now.

“I’ll make you a deal since you want to be so stubborn,” Megumi clenched his jaw as he continued to look Yuji in the eyes just to be met with a stare of utter bewilderment. “If you really know what you’re doing, then you can kiss me again once you’re sober. In fact, you can kiss me all you want once you're sober.”

“Ok deal!” Yuji's voice raises, his own frustration also beginning to grow. “I’m basically sober right now! I’ll prove you wrong.”

Megumi grits his teeth and pushes Yuji off of him completely, with a force that was far beyong necessary. Megumi then stands up and starts making his way over to the door, not wanting the conversation to go on any longer. “Good luck remembering any of this, asshole,” he whispers to himself as he slides the door closed and storms off.

Yuji was left there in the yard, sitting all alone in a puddle of his own frustration. He grumbles something incoherent to himself as he quickly gets up—almost losing his balance in the process—and makes his way back inside of the house.

He’s definitely going to remember this tomorrow. And when he does, he’s gonna barge into Megumi’s home and kiss him all he wants, just like Megumi said he could.

He is so gonna win this.

————————————————————

When Yuji woke up, the first thing he noticed was the throbbing pain in his head. His hands shot up as he pressed the bases of his palms to his temples to try alleviate the strain, but it barely worked. He instinctively tried to get up from his bed and immediately toppled over onto the floor before he had the chance to brace himself.

He felt extremely dizzy, the room blurring around him as he tried to gather himself. The light seeping in through the windows felt blinding despite the curtains being almost completely closed. He shielded his eyes with one hand as he reached to grab his phone from the nightstand with his other hand, all while still sitting on the ground.

He went to check his phone to find that he had received no new notifications over the night, and therefore no indicators as to how he even managed to get home after the party. He just assumed he called an uber since he didn’t have the mental capacity to think of a different scenario nor the willingness to care about the truth.

He felt like total shit, and he couldn’t remember a thing.

He decided to take a long, cold shower hoping that it could help jumpstart his brain. The lights were turned completely, as his eyes were still sensitive, and as he felt the water glide down his body he tried to gather bits and pieces of anything that happened last night.

All of the memories were extremely hazy and were mostly from when he first arrived at the party. After that, his memories went totally blank.

Hopping out of the shower and putting on fresh clean clothes after sleeping in his dirty clothes from the previous night felt more refreshing than anything. He still felt like shit, but at least he was clean.

After chugging a glass of water and deciding to skip out on breakfast (since his appetite was now practically nonexistent) he goes to text the first person he knows he can trust to tell him the truth

Heyy Megumi

I have like the worst hangover of all time lmao

I can’t remember anything

Anything interesting happen??

Megumi usually didn’t respond fast so Yuji almost shut his phone off until he noticed that almost immediately after he sent those texts, Megumi read them. So he decided to wait for a minute for a response, but none came. Megumi has never left him on read. He even remembers Megumi telling him at some point that responding to texts sometimes felt like a hassle and he prefers to get it over with as quickly as he can. But it’s no big deal, Megumi is probably dealing with his own aftermath of the party, he’s likely just too tired to respond.

He checked his socials to see what kind of posts people were making about last night. Yuji scrolled through dozens of instagram stories. It didn’t really bring him any satisfaction however. In fact, he didn’t even know why he was looking at them in the first place. It was pointless.

For some reason, all he wanted at this time was a text from his best friend. He just wanted to talk to him.

He always felt like he could talk to Nobara but she tended to be a bit much, even for him. Megumi was able to balance him out perfectly.

And right now, all Yuji felt he needed was balance, given the fact that he could currently barely stand on his own two feet, but also because he’s been feeling like a train wreck ever since the party.

He also just couldn’t shake the feeling that he was forgetting something.

Megumi had a great memory and it was very likely that he stayed practically sober through the night, so Yuji felt like right now, he would be the perfect person to talk to. The perfect person to help him jog his memory. But Yuji didn’t want to bother him by bombarding him with spam texts and calls. If he wanted to respond, he would.

So Yuji left it alone.

————————————————————

Megumi felt sick to his stomach.

Despite the fact that he went home early that night, he woke up feeling extremely sleep deprived despite this. The memories of last night instantly rushed through his mind and he made a tired, infuriated groan. He wished at that moment that he could melt into his blankets forever and never come out for as long as he lives.

After seriously contemplating the feasibility of that circumstance, he ultimately pushes everything to the back of his mind and sits up on his bed. He would rather not leave his bed at all today, and if he kept dwelling on this then that would be a very likely outcome.

Megumi tended to wake up even earlier than this, so the fact that his entire being was screaming at him to lay down and go back to sleep was cause for concern.

Last night shouldn’t have happened. And Megumi so wishes that he could just erase everything and start over. Maybe even from the very beginning, before he met Yuji, and anybody else for that matter.

He was moments away from actually getting out of bed——having spent the last few minutes or so just sitting in one spot and trying to convince himself that he doesn’t have any other choice——when his phone buzzed on his bedside table. Then again, and again, and again.

It didn’t take Megumi long to cycle through the possibilities of who it might be. There was only really one person who immediately came to mind, and even though it wouldn’t be out of character for basically anybody to text him at this time, he could already feel the dread filling him, meaning he intuitively knew exactly who it was without even having to look at the screen.

Despite everything, he didn’t even hesitate before picking up his phone and looking at the messages.

Despite all of his doubt, he couldn’t help but hope that maybe Yuji did remember. But he was so confident that he wouldn’t last night, so it was highly unlikely for him to be proven wrong, let alone this quickly.

He immediately felt foolish for his unwarranted optimism once he read the messages. Of course he didn’t remember. He mentally slapped himself for getting his hopes before quickly putting the phone down and getting up. He wanted to be as far away from that phone as possible.

At least now he found the proper motivation to get himself out of bed, although now he felt ten times worse than before.

He felt his well-being—or whatever was left of it—deteriorate instantly. It felt like his own heart was eroding inside of him. This isn’t good

What a perfect start to the summer. He already had a whole plan for what he wanted to do. Which hobbies he wants to pick up, which hobbies he wants to continue doing, places he wants to go to, he thought everything through. Now, it seems like he would have to postpone these things to give him time to sulk in his own self-pity.

But that really didn’t last long before Megumi was able to calm down. Even though it proved difficult to purposefully try pushing everything away from the forefront of his mind, it was self-explanatory that getting his mind off of things by actually going out and engaging in the real world would be a more effective strategy for getting his mind off of things.

Ever since everything, he has felt completely detached from everything. Detached from the world around him, the people around him, and even from his own body. It was like he was spectating himself from the third person, like he was a character in a TV show whose sole purpose is to teach people a lesson of not making the same stupid mistakes that he did.

He hoped that maybe the events of last night felt just as unreal as the world around him did right now, but he wasn’t able to fool himself into this belief when he remembered everything so clearly——to the tiniest of details.

He remembers the utter disbelief he was in, how his hands were trembling harder the closer Yuji got to him. Yuji’s warm breath fanning over his skin as he leaned closer and closer, and how Megumi completely froze up in the moment, not having it in him to stop what he so desperately wanted.

He also remembers the utter shame that began coursing through his entire body when he finally comprehended what was happening. This shame has since made a permanent settlement in his mind, not understanding how he could allow himself to be so stupid to believe that his best friend could ever mean something like that.

Anyways, it was about time he got on with his day.

There was so much waiting for him out there. Things that would hopefully allow him to forget everything, even if only for a little while.

————————————————————

Yuji quickly forgot about the party. But what he couldn’t forget was Megumi, and why he was ignoring him. He thought about it for a long time, flipping through every possibility as to why Megumi decided to go ghost on him out of nowhere. He deeply wished that it had nothing to do with the party, let alone nothing to do with him.

He was praying that Megumi might have just been in a bad mood because of something entirely unrelated, something personal that he just didn’t want to tell Yuji about. That would be the ideal, but something in him was still stirring, as if his subconscious knew that there was a direct correlation between this new attitude of his and whatever happened at the party. Yuji hoped that he was just imagining it, but the pit in his gut disagreed.

If only he could remember what happened, but his memory has barely cleared up in the week that has passed since then.

It was at this moment that Yuji realized that texting Nobara about it had completely slipped his mind. He didn’t want to wring out information about Megumi from somebody else, and he really would rather Megumi tell him directly if something was wrong. Then again, Megumi was terrible at talking about his feelings, he knew that much.

He had texted Nobara a few times since the party, all about topics mostly unrelated to that time. They both tended not to dwell on the past and were always looking forward to new things, possessing the habit of glazing over things that have already happened. That’s why they mostly talked about future plans for the summer and any possible get-togethers with them and their other friends.

The topic of Megumi and the party didn’t even come up during any of their conversations, and it took Yuji a whole week just to realize that. He thought that it was better sooner than later to ask Nobara.

To say he was nervous to talk to her on this topic was an understatement. He had no idea what happened, and the possibility that Megumi had told Nobara and not Yuji, made his insides churn. If something bad really did happen, and Megumi didn’t want to tell Yuji about it, he doesn’t know if he could recover from that. Nonetheless he sucked a deep breath in and called Nobara.

He put the phone up to his ear and after 4 rings, she picked up.

“Hey what’s up?” Nobara asked blandly. Just then Yuji realized he didn’t really know what to say, or really, how to say it.

So he stood on the opposite end of the line, breath shaky as his vision began to swim in front of him. He tried his best to say something, anything, but he just couldn’t do it. It was like his vocal cords were tied together with wire, and every time he tried to speak, only a small breath of air managed to escape.

“Yuji?” She questioned after about 10 seconds of near-silent breathing coming from the other end. To Yuji, it had already felt like 2 eternities have passed since she picked up. He quickly snapped back to reality at her sudden questioning tone ringing through his ears.

“Oh uh..sorry, hey Nobara, I needed to ask you about something.” He could already envision her skeptical gaze that slowly took its form across her features the longer their interaction went on.. Yuji waited for a snarky remark from her about his random moment of silence, and was slightly relieved when nothing of the sort came.

“Yeah ok, go ahead.” She stated. Her tone of voice made it nearly impossible for Yuji to distinguish what she was actually thinking in the moment. It was rare hearing her whenever she wasn’t either angry about something, or teasing him any time they talked to each other.

He took slightly less time responding this time, afraid that if he did pause he would start to regret ever dialing her in the first place. “So uhh, you know how I don’t actually remember anything from that one night at the party, right?” He asked, trying to think back to whether he previously mentioned this fact to her or not.

“I don’t think you’ve ever actually told me that but ok. What about it?” She was quick with her responses, no unnecessary jokes or laughter, nothing extra added on to lighten the mood. Everything she had said so far has been stated in a matter-of-fact demeanor. It was as if she could sense Yuji’s uneasiness and didn’t want to make anything worse than it was, and despite the fact that he never said it out loud, Yuji was eternally grateful for this at the moment.

“So Megumi has kind of refused to talk to me ever since. I’ve only texted him once but he read it and never responded. It’s like he went totally ghost. I haven’t bothered texting him again, I just don’t know if it’s a good idea. Anyways, I was just wondering if you knew anything?”

“Wow really he went full ghost on you?” Nobara perked up with slight disbelief. Out of all the people he could choose to ignore, Nobara had never thought that it would be Yuji. If anything, Yuji had the best shot of having Megumi talk to him out of anybody. So really, if Yuji doesn’t know what’s going on, it would be a safe bet to assume that nobody did.

At her words, Yuji audibly groaned. He was completely out of it, and definitely not in the mood for any rhetoricals. He dragged his palm down the side of his face as he took in another solemn breath.

“Right, uhm, he hasn’t texted me since so I honestly have no clue,” Nobara continues once Yuji shows very clear signs of utter despair and irritation to her previous response.

“Just go talk to him in person. If anyone has any shot of drawing information out of him, it’s you.”

Something strangely warm pulled at Yuji’s heartstrings at those words, threatening his heartbeat into a traitorous stutter. He reveled in the idea of being something special to Megumi, the person he could most confide in. A safe space for every worry he has ever had, and is ever going to have.

After a beat, he nodded, as if Nobara was able to see this action, but he quickly recovered. “If you really think so then ok, I will. Thank you.” Yuji didn’t know how to express how much he needed that confirmation from her, how much he needed someone to tell him that maybe Megumi just needed someone by his side. And that someone had to be Yuji. With his newfound confidence, he said his goodbyes to Nobara and hung up the phone with a seemingly new perspective on everything.

He still didn’t know if Megumi was dealing with personal problems or if it was something that had to do with the party. Whatever it was, Yuji wanted to find out. A part of him was relieved that Nobara didn’t know exactly what was wrong with him. In all honesty, he would still rather hear it from Megumi himself instead of having to rely on squeezing out info from someone he chose to confide in instead of Yuji.

The thing is, it was already late, so Yuji will have to wait until tomorrow to visit Megumi in person. He thought about giving him a heads up in case he was busy or made plans the next day, but he decided to leave it up to faith and instead focus on getting a full night’s worth of rest. He already knew that Megumi wasn’t going away this summer, or else he would already know about it. He also has a rough idea as to what Megumi is going to be doing throughout most of the summer, since this was a topic that frequently came up and that they talked about before the school year ended. So he had an idea as to which time of day would be the most promising when visiting Megumi.

It just felt like announcing his presence ahead of time would ruin everything, that it might scare him away or that it would give Megumi a chance to say no. Yuji doesn’t like taking no for an answer, and if he had to, he would rather just face the rejection to his face. He just wants a chance to see his best friend up close.

They’ve gone way longer without seeing each other, but the fact that they haven’t communicated whatsoever in a whole week has made Yuji feel like they’re drifting further and further apart. If that really is the case then drastic measures surely need to be taken.

So, Yuji lays in his bed, staring up at the ceiling as he can’t shake the feeling that everything that has happened so far is somehow tied back to the party that he has so desperately tried to remember. So he goes over everything that he has remembered so far.

They all arrive at the party

He and Megumi go inside to get drinks

They converse with a bunch of people on the couches

After that, Yuji’s mind goes completely blank. There weren’t even any gaps left which he could try to fill in with some educated inferences. After that, there was nothing. Like that night completely collapsed in on itself and ceased to exist until the morning, when Yuji woke up extremely hungover and with his memory of the previous night completely wiped. Until now, he was able to piece together a few things. It was shortly after his memory fell short when he blacked out due to those sugary drinks that Nobara (mistakenly) taught Yuji how to make.

They all arrive at the party

He and Megumi go inside to get drinks

They converse with a bunch of people on the couches

They…

Yuji grabs at his head, which was spinning from his effort of trying to recall memories that seemed to have been erased from existence. He remembers something his grandfather always told him when he was younger. That if something was important to him, then he would remember it. He took those words very close to heart back then, and still believes them in their entirety now.

He just hopes he could remember it sooner or later, if it really was something important.

But more than that, he hopes that Megumi is ok. That it really does have nothing to do with Yuji, and that soon everything will go back to how it was.

Back to normal.

————————————————————

Yuji was correct.

He was able to guess the exact time of day that Megumi would be home.

It wasn’t difficult really. Megumi already told him a while back that he was always home in the afternoon. He didn’t go out, obviously, and Megumi also never procrastinated on anything, partially because he hated stressing out about when everything piles up if he left it till the last minute, but also because he values his alone time more than almost anything else.

However, Yuji needed to take into account how much Megumi loved having the afternoon to himself. If he bothered him while he was already in the midst of his perfectly curated afternoon unwinding routine—especially since Megumi was already mad at him about something—there was no telling when the next time Megumi would be willing to talk to him would be.

He had to catch him at the right moment. But he already knew that 4pm was sort of that awkward time in the day for Megumi where he had very likely done all the things he needed to do for the day, yet it wasn’t late enough in the afternoon where he would be in his mindset of mandatory isolation for the rest of the night.

Which is why it was almost exactly 4pm when Megumi heard knocking on the door to his apartment. It didn’t take long before his mind immediately went to one person. He was far from having processed all his feelings towards any matters regarding his friend. He was completely split on his feelings, every one of his emotions seeming to contradict the next.

On one hand, he didn’t want it to be anyone else. He wanted to open the door, and to see Yuji. However, if Yuji was here because he remembered the bet, he would be completely screwed. He hadn’t even given that possibility much thought till this very second. But if Yuji didn’t remember the bet, and tried continuing on like everything was normal, Megumi didn’t know if he could handle that.

Something that meant so much to him not even existing in the memories of the person who he shared that moment with was terrifying.

He didn’t even want to give it any more thought, he knew he would have to open the door eventually.

He even tried convincing himself that the possibility of the person at the door being anyone besides Yuji wasn’t that crazy of an idea after all, until his thought process was abruptly interrupted by more knocking and the sound of his name. The sound of his name in a voice that was painfully familiar, and that made his heartbeat traitorously shudder.

As he got up from his couch and began heading steadily towards the door, it felt as though his body was moving involuntarily without his brain’s permission. In all honesty, he wished he could disappear for good. The thought of pretending he wasn’t home didn’t even cross his mind until it was too late, and he was moments away from turning the knob.

At this point he was certain Yuji heard his footsteps when he was approaching the door.

Another deep breath later, he was standing face to face with Yuji. The smile on his face multiplied every ounce of optimism within Megumi by tenfold. Maybe he really did remember. Megumi felt it in his very soul, how badly he wished for Yuji to remember, even if he had a lot of explaining to do when it came to it.

“Hey Megumi!” He continued to smile, breaking his long-lasting stare to glance past Megumi at his apartment. He didn’t even need to say anything before Megumi stepped over to the side, silently inviting him in. Yuji continued to look everywhere but Megumi as he walked in, admiring the pristine conditions of his tidy living room which he just now realized he has not seen in way too long.

Once Yuji had fully stepped in, Megumi shut the door behind him. He was still standing off to the side, his anxiety subsiding for the moment as he discretely studied Yuji’s features, a face which has gotten blurry around the edges anytime he came up in his thoughts the past week.

“Sorry for just kind of showing up like this, guess I just wanted to surprise you or something,” Yuji continued after a moment. “Surprise! Are you surprised?”

Megumi just stared at the boy, slightly caught off guard at his feeble attempt to lighten the mood.

Megumi didn’t even bother responding. He didn’t even give him the courtesy of a shake or nod of the head. After a beat, Yuji swallowed, taking the lack of a response as a direct signal for him to finally spit out why he was actually here.

“So uhhh…we just haven’t spoken in a while you know? I just wanted to check in on you I guess.”

Megumi gave him a look telling him to quit the bullshit. He could see right through him, Yuji was a terrible liar.

“Ok fine be like that. For real though, I’ve been thinking back to that party you know?”

Megumi finally perked up, now as alert as ever. His mouth became slightly agape, as if his prayers rang true almost immediately. He should know better than to get his hopes up by now, but he couldn’t help but immediately take those words as a hint that Yuji, against every one of the expectations Megumi had during that night at the party, actually remembers.

“It just feels like you’re mad at me and I just have this feeling like it has something to do with the party. You mind reminding me what happened? I’ve been drawing a blank ever since.” Yuji gave out an award chuckle as he rubbed the back of his neck, slightly embarrassed. “But if it doesn’t have anything to do with the party just let me know ok?” Yuji quickly added, remembering that trusting his gut may not always be the most reliable way of going about life.

Megumi visibly shrinks, his disappointment with himself becoming all-consuming. He closed his eyes for a second and let out a deep sigh through his nose, feeling utterly defeated due to his previous uncharacteristic optimism.

“Well if it’s important then I’m sure you’ll remember it.” Megumi quips, each syllable lines with an underlying tone of frustration.

Yuji’s eyes widened at the familiarity of those words, the same ones he would hear time and time again when he was a kid. He was already telling himself this, but he thought he might actually get some proper answers from Megumi rather than waiting around for whatever it is to finally hit him.

“…is it something important?” Yuji questions, still trying to elicit even a hint as to what could have been bothering him.

“You tell me.”

Yuji didn’t know what to say to this. This conversation seemed to have led absolutely nowhere. Despite the fact that Megumi practically confirmed his frustration with Yuji, and the fact that Megumi’s responses—or lack of a clear one—have confirmed that everything did in fact tie back to the party, Yuji’s entire mood continued to deflate the more the conversation went on.

He stayed silent, not wanting to make anything worse than it was. He hated the feeling of Megumi, of all people, being mad at him. Anyone else and he wouldn’t bat an eye, but now he felt each moment of silence between them slowly suffocate him.

“Let me know when you have it figured out. Until then just quit bothering me.”

With those words, Megumi opened the door again, signaling that Yuji’s attempt at getting things right has officially ended, and in utter failure.

Hearing Megumi snap like that, cold and distant in a way that he never was with Yuji, was like a pain that he couldn’t put to words even if he tried. Like his heart and soul were shredded by the one person he trusted them with in their entirety.

He stared at his friend in disbelief, the lingering sting of the words marinating in the quiet of the room. The harsh tone felt like it put him in a trance, erasing any shred of hope and dignity that he had when he first came here.

He looked down at the ground, swallowing hard to choke back any emotions that dared to try and surface. He nodded his head, so slightly that it was barely noticeable.

He looked up at Megumi, one last time, opening his mouth to try and get something—anything out. A plea, an apology, a snarky remark to cut the tension. Nothing came out, as if the words were scraping at his esophagus in protest when he tried.

Besides, trying to cut the tension now would be like attempting to cut steel with a butter knife. It would be stupid and undoubtedly pointless.

His embarrassment grew by the second, and he just couldn’t bear to embarrass himself further. So, he turned away and walked out without a word, the door closing behind him softly the moment he stepped outside the threshold. It was a reminder of the harsh rejection, delivered coldly yet executed in a way that would leave a scar.

This couldn’t have gone worse.

He felt the bitter aftertaste of what could barely even constitute an argument on his tongue. He had never felt shame like this before in his life. He wanted the ground to swallow him whole right where he stood, a place he could momentarily cease to exist until everything magically got better.

Thinking back, it all happened so quickly, but it felt like he spent an entire millenia in that living room, face to face with his best friend.

Some part of it still brought comfort to him, even in the midst of every harsh word thrown at him.

Those words Megumi said, the same ones repeated to him by his grandfather over and over again when he was a kid, served as a reminder of the idea that he had his utmost faith in.

This is important. Meaning it’s not a matter of if he will remember, but when.

————————————————————

Shutting the door, Megumi could feel his hands shaking by his sides in irritation, an irritation equally directed towards both Yuji, and himself.

He had no idea how long he stood at the door. He felt completely disassociated. He could feel his head begin to pound and his chest continue tightening, an uncomfortable heaviness settling in the pit of his gut. He felt weighed down, like weights were attached to each of his limbs, restricting any further movement and weighing on him until he collapsed.

Instead of collapsing, he stood perfectly still, anger gnawing at his skin as he let everything sink down deeper and deeper until he got adjusted to the heaviness of it.

His jaw clenched simultaneously with his fists, body desperately trying to burn out every emotion and allow them to carefully settle in their place and in a way that would not leave him paralyzed at the door any longer.

He felt fury and embarrassment overtake his brain, overpowering his every instinct until everything all at once became quiet. Eerily so. His brain went totally blank, having overheated and shut off like it was some sort of overworked engine. Megumi had a hollow look in his eyes, drained of any previous emotions that had once swam through them.

He was finally able to move, utter exhaustion taking over. He hadn’t felt anything other than hopelessness for the past week, and nothing that he had tried aided the cause. He went to the gym, worked on getting enough sleep every night, did a bunch of chores and errands—some necessary and others serving as a means of distraction more than anything.

Nothing he did took away the insistent ache in his heart, the misery accumulating with every day. Now, it seemed as though he couldn't take it any longer.

He collapsed in his bed as soon as he got to his room. He couldn’t even remember getting there, his mind blanking and creating the illusion of having teleported straight from the front door to the bedroom.

His headache didn’t go away; neither did the ache in his core nor the chills that continued to make their way up his spine.

He flipped over onto his back, blankly staring at the ceiling as he began involuntarily recounting the incident that occurred just a minute ago.

“I’m so fucking stupid” he whispered under his breath in utter defeat, condemning himself for whatever ounces of positivity builded up inside of him at the sight of his friend. Megumi wasn’t the sort to talk to himself or say things out loud for no reason. Even as a kid he was always weirded out at how common it was for people to just say stuff out loud without even thinking. He was used to carefully calculating his words in every situation, using his words for the sole purpose of gauging the appropriate response in return.

Other than that, he would reserve his words whenever there wasn’t a purpose for them; preserving them as if they were precious metals that only those worthy enough were able to obtain.

Now, it was like all of that history was forgone in this one moment where he uttered his useless thoughts out-loud—thoughts that wouldn’t help in this situation as there was no reaction to be gauged. It was only him alone in that room, paralyzed with exhaustion and irritation as he lay atop his mattress.

His distress didn’t die down for even a moment.

Even as he could feel his eyelids growing heavier by the second and the warmth of the room enveloping him in place of the blankets sprawled out under him that he hadn’t gotten the chance to crawl under—his racing thoughts refused to be satiated until his last waking moment.

This was truly and completely destroying him.

From his dignity down to his general well-being, it had been a wall cracking under the pressure of unspoken tension that had now crumbled with the harsh reality of the truth.

A truth that may prove to not be as perpetually endless as he believes it to be.

————————————————————

It was hard to have fully expected this outcome to occur. Despite knowing Megumi was likely mad at him for something, he usually wasn’t the type to get this upset for no reason. So Yuji had no idea that even mentioning the party would have brought up such a reaction from him. He came into the situation with every positive possibility overshadowing the negative ones.

He thought that maybe Megumi would tell him that his behavior had nothing to do with the party, leaving Yuji to have to figure out what else he could have done to constitute Megumi ignoring him. Yuji didn’t deem this possibility as totally negative, especially since it was a highly realistic outcome.

If not that, then maybe Megumi would tell Yuji that he was being irrational and nothing was actually wrong to begin with. That would be the best option in this case.

Or, it did have something to do with the party then maybe Megumi would just tell Yuji what it was and they would be able to come up with a solution in no time. This was the more unlikely scenario that Yuji came up with, but he still held hope that maybe whatever was upsetting Megumi wasn’t as big of a deal to him and therefore he wouldn’t have a problem telling Yuji about it. Still, that excuse the fact that Megumi rarely shared the reasons behind his feelings even when prompted to do so.

Now, standing outside of the door that was just shut closed behind him, Yuji condemned his impulsivity and the fact that he failed to think things through completely. If it was Megumi in his place, he would have thought through every possibility through in its entirety and not have left any room for an error resulting in the mess of a situation that Yuji created.

Yuji just hated the possibility that something of such importance hadn’t come to him yet. It scared him that the possibility of him never remembering what happened that night wasn’t unlikely with all the alcohol he had consumed then.

He wasn’t going to drink for a long, long time knowing the wreck he had made of his relationship with the most important person of his life—that he was sure of. What he wasn’t sure however, was how he was going to fix everything that came as a result of those past mistakes which he has no way of undoing.

Slowly walking down the hall, his head spun, dizzying him and not aiding to his cause whatsoever. His first instinct was to call Nobara. Despite her brutal honesty that would shine through and would rarely aid in helping the situation at hand, it was no doubt that at the end of the day, she knew what she was talking about. Sometimes her advice would consist of forcing Yuji to act on his own accord, and Yuji wouldn’t appreciate it at the time but he grew to understand the wisdom behind her advice.

They haven’t texted since their last conversation over the phone. Despite craving her advice at the moment, he also knew that he wanted to do this alone. If he was the root cause of the problem, then he was going to be the solution, and he didn’t need others stepping into it. What happened between them seemed to be of no concern to anybody else. If Nobara didn’t know what happened between them, it was a safe bet that no one else did either.

And if that was the case, then no one should know about it until Yuji does. If she ever asked, he would just tell her that this was between him and Megumi, and him and Megumi alone.

He was still sure it would come to him eventually, but his patience had already grown quite thin over the time that he had spent dwelling on what could have possibly happened. The words that were said to him, the ones that stuck with him through all his life and the words that Megumi just repeated back to him like some cruel reminder of what he already knew, were unfairly vague.

Yuji never thought about them too much before. He thought of them as a matter of fact statement. Now, when he prayed that those words would ring true more than he ever had before, he cursed the phrase for it's lack of specificity. What’s important would come to him, but it never said when.

Yuji wasn’t a patient person, so he assumed that they just meant that soon enough whatever it was would come to him. Now, the words were laced with a tone of uncertainty the more he thought about him, emitting a wave of anxiety that washed over him.

It would come to him, but when? A day? A week? A month? A year? In 70 years when he was lying on his deathbed and memories of the life he had lived are flashing before his eyes?

It had already been a week and he hadn’t a singular clue as to what it was, so would it really be that unrealistic for it to slip his mind for months—maybe even years?

There’s no telling if he could salvage their relationship if the memory doesn’t come back to him soon. Megumi just might spend the rest of his life mad at him, the thought alone unsettling Yuji down to his very core.

He had never thought of Megumi as the kind to hold grudges, and maybe he still believes that subconsciously, yet everything has been messed up for long enough that Yuji had begun to question everything that he had ever known about the boy, and about himself at that.

But it was all pointless, really.

Because he knows that all he can do now is wait.

————————————————————

It couldn’t have been more than a week since they last spoke, yet Yuji’s completely lost track of time since then. For all he knew it could have been anywhere from a day to multiple weeks that may have passed.

He barely gave it any thought. He assumed that it would make everything ten times harder if he did keep track of time, and he convinced himself that the less he focuses on how long has passed, the quicker he will remember.

Even so, Yuji has never really cared about that kind of stuff in the summer. Typically, unless he had something coming up, he didn’t concern himself with things like that. He rarely knew what day of the week it was anyways when school let out.

Time wasn’t the only thing he tried ignoring. His texts became dry, concerningly so especially to the people who knew him best. Nobara tried calling and texting and insulting, but Yuji wouldn’t budge. She stopped bothering him eventually, knowing he could be quite stubborn in this sense.

She had always said that Yuji became more stubborn the more he spent time with Megumi, subconsciously mimicking his friend’s poor habits.

Yuji never believed her, yet now as he stared up at the ceiling of his bedroom, he takes the time to actually analyze her words and to what extent they ring true.

He doesn’t think there was ever a time where they were on bad terms like this. They’ve argued, sure, but it always resolved itself almost immediately. And if not, Yuji always made sure that Megumi knew that he wasn’t mad at him, and that he didn’t want to fight.

He has already made it apparent to him, yet nothing had changed—it just made everything worse, which had never happened before. Yuji was big on communicating, but he didn’t think there would ever be a time where him trying to communicate with Megumi would end up in him digging himself into a deeper hole than previously. None of it made sense.

Days have been passing by in a blur. Every night when he goes to sleep he fails to recall almost everything that he had done that day. This worried him. If he couldn’t even remember a single prominent detail about his day, then how was he possibly going to remember what happened during the party two or so weeks ago? It might have been more than that at this point, he doesn’t remember that either.

What he does know is that he hadn’t gotten the chance to properly leave his apartment in a long time. He has been cooped up inside for most of the day. Any time he found the slightest motivation to get out and go to the gym, or when he had to leave to run some very much needed errands, he would still find that he spent most of the time in his car and only got out for a few minutes at a time to go wherever he needed to go.

It had been a while since he let himself go outside and properly enjoy the summer weather. Well, now would be a better time than ever. It wasn’t even about distracting himself, or clearing his head, or even out of the desire to take better care of himself. He wasn’t even thinking about possibly triggering the memory in some way—which had been the thought consuming his every action for the past however long its been.

This time, he decides to do it just because. This may have been a huge step for him, but he didn’t give that a lot of thought. It was like his body was on autopilot as soon as the idea came into his mind. He immediately got out of bed and started straight for the door. The only stop he made before his ultimate exit was to put his shoes on. He didn’t care to even take his phone or his headphones, which really said something.

He didn’t need to listen to music, he was going to listen to the raw, unfiltered sounds of the nature surrounding and the chatter of strangers passing by. And that was exactly what he did

Arriving to his favorite, designated bench in the park, one overlooking the stone pathway leading through an array of trees. Very few people were at the park today given it was a weekday and the extreme humidity, not to mention how hot it was.

He didn’t particularly like when the weather was hot, but today he felt it wrapping around him and allowing his nerves to slightly settle. It grounded him, slowing his thoughts down and acting as a placeholder for all of his previous anxiety.

The soft wind passed through the park, a cool breeze subsiding the heat and gently knocking a few leaves off of their branches, falling all around the boy who was already lost far into his daydreaming.

He found himself slowly leaning to the side until his head rested against the hard wood of the bench. He turned himself over onto his back, one hand resting on his chest. He could feel the steady rise and fall of his skin under the soft fabric of his clothes, and a faint heartbeat. The other hand rested beside him, fingers coiling and fidgeting mindlessly.

It would be nice to just lay here and forget about everything for a while, if only that was his goal rather than trying to actively remember and recall an event that he isn’t even sure a memory exists of in any part of his brain.

So he lay there, the sun switching its position in the sky as it peaks its way through the dense treetops up above, its rays reaching through and scolding Yuji’s face. He barely noticed. He was too busy daydreaming about the time that he would finally figure out what happened (whatever it is hopefully being no big deal) and properly apologizing to Megumi and restoring their friendship for good.

He spent a long time in this daydream, the warm weather surrounding him making him drowsy and simultaneously slowing his thought process. That’s why it took so long for Yuji to snap out of his daydream and start thinking even slightly rationally once more.

He wanted to remember, more than anything. To anyone else it might be concerning the things he was willing to do just to be able to remember right now rather than having to wait for god knows how long.

He had retraced his steps from the night countless times from the party, his memory becoming more and more hazy as time had passed. He still remembered everything he previously had, yet the exact details were beginning to slip his mind.

What else could there possibly be.

The group got there

Yuji and Megumi split off

They get drinks inside

They sit down on the couches, Yuji socializing while Megumi sat silently besides him

Yuji…goes outside to get some air?

No, that can’t be right, did he really end up going outside? Without Megumi? He would roll his eyes if they weren’t currently closed. He was so lost in thought he doesn’t even remember when he closed then. More than likely, they had been closed almost immediately after he laid down.

He was probably mistaken. That couldn’t be right. He had made up countless scenarios for what could have happened, so it was likely just his brain trying to fill in the gaps with some false memory once again. He paid little thought to it and tried again.

The group got there

Yuji and Megumi split off

They get drinks inside

They both end up on the couches

Yuji looks to his left to see he was all alone

Wait, where was Megumi?

Oh right, he was outside

Yuji joins him outside

They kiss

…

….what?

Yuji's eyes snapped open as he shot up from his previous position, now sitting up and staring straight, the edges of his vision slightly blurring from how quickly he managed to get up.

His chest began to heave, what was a soft, steady heartbeat just a second ago was now a tremoring mess beneath his ribcage.

What was that? Another false memory? Something his mind came up with on a whim as some cruel joke? A dream he once had? A nightmare? His deepest desire trying to manifest itself? Or maybe worst fear?

He found himself shaking his head at every explanation that came to him. He couldn’t have, right? He couldn’t have kissed him, no way. What would Megumi have even done in that situation?

He would probably be so repulsed, shove Yuji off of him immediately and run away, never wanting to talk with him again. That would be understandable. And that would also explain why Megumi has been acting the way that he has.

His breathing is shaky and uneven, hands trembling uncontrollably besides him.

He uses everything in him to try and remember what could have possibly happened after, if the kiss did happen after all.

Yuji finds Megumi outside

Yuji…kisses Megumi

……

No, he has to remember, there is no other way.

What if he was freaking out for no reason. There could be a very good chance that this wasn’t even a real memory to begin with, so why was he freaking himself out so bad.

The memory seemed to clear though, a lot clearer than any other time that Yuji tried to create his own scenarios as to what could have happened. It felt like real, really real, he could feel his friends skin underneath him, he could see how the moon shone down on his face and he could even remember the exact face Megumi made after he pushed him away, embarrassment and regret written all over his flushed face.

The more he thought about it, the more details came to him. The memory was more detailed than any of the other ones, as if it had only happened yesterday. The more he thought about it, the more panicked he became that it could have actually happened.

No wonder he is so mad at him, it makes perfect sense really.

"There’s no way I can salvage this" Yuji thinks

I bet he’s never going to forgive me. At that, he scoffs shaking his head once more, in disbelief that he very well might have ruined their friendship and that there’s a very real chance Megumi will never want to talk to him again and that it is very possible that—

I bet he’s never going to forgive me

I bet…

bet.

A bet?

“Oh my god” Yuji says, barely above a whisper.

His body moved before his brain was even able to comprehend the action. The park he was at was five blocks from his complex, and Megumi’s complex was five blocks away from his apartment.

Ten blocks.

He could do that.

"I have to find Megumi"

Over and over and over again, that thought repeatedly rang through his mind, consuming his every thought completely.

He had never run that fast in his life. His eyes couldn’t catch up with his speed, every person he passed only a small blur passing him in a fraction of a second. The cracks on the sidewalk seemed to blend in together. He could barely differentiate where the street ended and where the sidewalk began, their color was the only thing separating the two.

Pure adrenaline was coursing through his body, making him feel like his legs have gained a new superhuman level of strength, pushing him to run far past the limits which had previously existed for him. He didn’t even get the chance to think about it. He saw his apartment complex in no time, and just as fast as it came into view, it disappeared behind his peripheral as he dashed past the complex.

He wasn’t even out of breath, his heavy breathing coming from the fresh wave of shock that had still not subsided.

He didn’t have time to think through what he was doing, or what he was about to do. He had already thought long enough. He had done so much thinking that he felt as though his brain might seriously explode all over the concrete if he thought any more.

This time, he needed to rely on his impulses. Something he learned not to do with Megumi yet something that had come so naturally to him in this moment that he didn’t even care.

He finally remembered, a victory he didn’t have time to celebrate yet was the reason behind his every move.

It took him less than three minutes to cross ten blocks, a record that he also didn’t have the time to celebrate. All he had before this was time, time that passed torturously slow, a painful reminder of how powerless he was to it.

He ran through the building, passing through the lobby and ignoring the receptionist yelling after him. He had no idea what she said. Probably something about not running, or maybe asking him if he was allowed to be here. She probably thought he was crazy.

She wasn’t wrong. He didn’t care. He had finally remembered and that was all that mattered. That was all that he had cared about for more than two weeks and it’s all that he cares about now. He skipped the elevator and ran straight for the stairs.

If he was forced to stand in that elevator and watch as the number of floors slowly creeped up, he thought that he might lose it. If he had to stand still for even a second then he would definitely lose it.

He ran up the countless flights of stairs, only paying attention to the posters on the wall after every couple of slights stating what floor he was on. Soon enough, he approached the last two flights of stairs.

He wasn’t going to look at this next poster, he didn’t need to. He couldn’t waste any time.

After reaching the right floor, he practically threw himself towards the door, almost crashing into it in an attempt to open in. He cursed his recklessness as the door flew open from the unnecessary force he used on it. If he pulled on it any harder he very well might have pulled the handle right off.

Counting the numbered apartment doors, he almost missed the one he was looking for, too caught up in his ultimate motive.

He didn’t even think about whether Megumi was at home. At this point, all he could do it pray. Yuji doesn’t know if it would be physically possible for him to wait any longer if Megumi really was not here.

He knocked on the door, clumsily, with his only goal being to make his presence known as soon as possible. His entire body was practically shaking with unspent adrenaline as he shifted uncomfortably on his feet.

More panic took over as he didn’t hear anything behind the door. That was, until he heard very faint shuffling coming from far back in the apartment. His heart hammered even faster than previously, with a speed that was in no way healthy.

His breathing was erratic, uneven and slightly whiny as he grew increasingly more impatient.

Time once again felt like it was moving in slow motion. Every time he wanted needed time to speed up, it would betray him and slow down around him, causing him to agonize for far longer than he wanted to.

He stared at the door as the footsteps that were once barely audible came closer by the second. He stared at the wooden door frame, anticipating it to open at any moment.

He wasn’t nervous anymore, not at all. In fact, he felt more confident in himself—in this—than he probably ever had before.

The door pulled back slightly, slowly revealing the tall frame behind it more and more. He didn’t even wait until it was fully open, he shoved the door to the side almost as soon as it started to open, desperate to see the face which had only existed in his mind for the past week, consuming his every thought.

The door slammed into the wall as Yuji barged in. Megumi, clearly startled, began to step back with wide eyes, a look of confusion and a hint of fear as Yuji came closer and closer. Megumi noted his heavy breathing, his heaving chest, and his reddened face.Did he run here? That was Megumi’s first thought.

He wasn’t able to get many thoughts in before he was backed into a wall, his back slamming against the hard surface. He flinched at the contact, realizing that he hadn’t been given a chance to check for his surroundings as he was trying to process what the hell was going on.

Yuji, who was only a few steps away, took no time before he had already closed almost all of the distance between them.

He thought of saying something, something quick and light to dissolve Megumi’s initial confusion, but decided against it. He had no idea what he would even say anyways.

The only thing that managed to come out of him in the moment was a huff of air, partially from amusement and partially from his run on the way here. He wasted no more time before stealing the rest of the distance and getting hit with an overwhelmingly familiar taste. A flavor once promised to him in abundance under a starry sky and gritted teeth. A flavor that had belonged to him this whole time. His hands shot up to hold Megumi’s neck as his lips pressed to his, a kiss laced with determination from one, and temporary hesitance from the other.

Megumi’s breath hitched violently, an involuntary gasp escaping his lips at the gesture. His mind raced, not with any thoughts in particular, but with confusion and slight panic. He didn't pull away though, a sense of painstaking deja-vu gluing him in place.

Soon, the tender feel of Yuji’s mouth against his grounded him in reality, and he gathered up the courage to kiss him right back.

His hands, which awkwardly hovered near Yuji’s sides previously, slowly came to rest on Yuji’s hips, careful and hesitant. He felt his fingers slightly curl against the fabric of Yuji’s shirt, trying to find any kind of leverage in the heat of the moment.

They stood pressed against the wall for a few seconds, Yuji refusing to pull back until he felt as though his message had been properly recieved.

After a moment---a moment which Yuji deemed far too brief the second it ended---he pulled back, just barely, but enough to give Megumi space to process. They both pulled their hands back, but not before their touch hesitantly lingered on each other with the newfound humidity in the air.

The black-haired boy just looked at his friend in utter disbelief, feeling the heat immediately rush to his face. Yuji just offered a victorious smile as he saw the pink tint crawl up Megumi’s neck and settle across his pale features.

“I…remembered. Megumi I remember,” Yuji blurted out in the moment.

Megumi had assumed so, but hearing it from Yuji himself made a new wave of relief wash over him and settled a large fraction of the tension between them.

“You…?” Megumi whispered, not knowing how to finish the line, not even sure that there was ever a complete thought there to begin with.

“Yeah…yeah I remembered. The bet and everything.” Yuji smiled even wider, letting out a breathy chuckle.

Megumi’s mind immediately rushed to the bet, the one part of that night he so desperately hoped to forget. He was so sure in that moment that Yuji would never remember, but as time went on he became less and less sure of how certain that fact would be.

He was still at a loss for words, hoping that Yuji would continue to talk. Megumi looked at his friend and wished he could permanently archive the expression displayed on his face. The flush on Yuji’s face and his quick breaths which were beginning to slow down.

“Megumi I…I'm sorry I didn’t remember earlier. I wanted to, really, but I just couldn’t.” Yuji began ranting out, wanting to break the silence and clear up any possible thoughts and feelings which have remained unspoken until now. “I hope I didn’t catch you off guard or anything,” Yuji nervously chuckled, just now realizing that maybe it wasn’t the best idea to kiss him without warning, “I might have taken the bet kind of literally but honestly that’s on you. I’m just here to uhh, show you I finally won after everything, and——“

Yuji didn’t even get the chance to finish his sentence until he was caught off by Megumi kissing him once more. Yuji fumbled back from the force, letting out a small whine as reciprocating the action almost immediately. He cupped Megumi’s face, feeling the flushed skin under his palm.

It was more desperate than it was before, Megumi finally taking back what he wanted to be his this entire time. He didn’t think it was fair for Yuji to have always been the one to initiate it thus far. This was just Megumi’s way of showing that he wanted this just as much as Yuji did.

The kiss deepened further, neither of them having the will or desire to pull away. Megumi wanted to drink up the softness of the skin on Yuji’s lips, savor the taste of it so that he would never be able to forget it for as long as he lived.

His hands were placed on Yuji’s hips once more, now with a lot more certainty. They only pulled away for a second to catch their breaths before their lip were on each other once again, neither wanting to budge as the weeks of unspoken tension slowly melted away. Neither of them were willing to let go.

Yuji needed Megumi to know how sorry he was, but more importantly, he wanted Megumi to know that when he kissed him that first time, it wasn’t a mistake. It was a result of the alcoholic courage that took over him and brought every feeling he had for his best friend to the surface, him in his drunken state not being able to suppress his own urges.

On Megumi’s part, he wanted Yuji to know how deeply reciprocated his feelings were. Though that might have been communicated through the bet that he once made, he wanted Yuji to make sure that he meant every word of that bet now that everything turned out the way it did.

They finally pulled back, barely, breaths mingling together as they both took the time to process what this meant and what the next steps were going to be. Yuji took a step back, wanting to give Megumi some space while also wanting to give himself room to think.

The thinking didn’t last long for Yuji until he spoke up again, hardly able to contain his excitement. “Sooo…does this mean what I think it means or…”

Megumi surpassed a laugh of disbelief at Yuji’s forwardness, slightly grateful for it as he didn’t know whether he had it in him to speak first after what happened, his mind recovering from the euphoric feeling of their kiss. He nods, looking to the side, nervousness settling in his chest.

“Ok uh we should probably sort this out like…right now. I can start.” This got Megumi to look back at Yuji, not really expecting everything to move this fast. Yuji smiled at how nervous Megumi looked. To be honest, he was just as nervous, but it helped knowing that they felt the same way. That sort of made everything easier.

“I think I remember you saying after I kissed you at the party that I didn’t know what I was doing. I mean yeah I was drunk out of my mind but, I think that’s what kind of gave me the courage to do that. BUT I promise that I did want it and I’m really, really sorry that I couldn’t remember. As you can see, I remember it now, which I hope it proof enough that it was really important to me. Ok that’s my side of the story, your turn!” Yuji spoke fast, quick to carry his point across as Megumi listened with quiet understanding. His frustration directed towards Yuji had long vanished by now, but the reassurance had meant a lot to him. More than he was willing to tell him at this time.

He thought about what he wanted to say back, and not deciding on any particularly good answer, deciding that instead it was better to lead with instinct In this case. Now is a good time as any to put rationale and logic to the side and focus solely on what he was feeling.

“Uhhh ok. Yeah I forgive you I just, I kind of hurt thinking that…you know, something that I really wanted to happen happened under circumstances where I had no idea whether the feelings were actually reciprocated. I thought they weren’t and the fact that it happened despite that I just…”

Megumi thought back to how irrationally angry he was at the whole situation. Now that he had calmed down and had gotten Yuji’s perspective, he had realized that he had no good reason to be mad at Yuji when he didn’t actually know what Yuji wanted in the first place. He had just assumed, which wasn’t fair. And that’s exactly what he needed Yuji to know.

“It wasn’t fair of me to assume how you felt. So, I’m sorry for that.”

Yuji smiled wide at those words, his happiness at the moment surpassing anything that he had ever felt before. He didn’t blame Megumi for what happened at all, yet hearing his apology and knowing that Megumi wasn’t necessarily mad at him in particular, it brought him joy unlike anything else.

“Awww that’s okay Megs I forgive you!”

Yuji then pulled Megumi into a bone crushing hug, burying his head into his neck as his hands tightly wrapped around his waist. Megumi furrowed his eyebrows curiously at the newfound nickname, but he couldn’t help his own smile from forming as he returned the gesture.

Somehow, this felt just as intimate as the kiss—maybe even more.

————————————————————

The stars shone impossibly bright in the sky. The grass was soft underneath them as they sat beneath a random tree sitting atop a hill in the park, overlooking the nearby streets. It was nearing the end of summer now, the breeze gradually cooling down yet the heat and humidity continuing its persistence. Yuji was looking out at the ground below them, the cars driving past, the people walking up and down the streets. Nearby restaurants and cafes illuminated, while some had already closed for the night.

Yuji rubbed small circles on Megumi's hand as he looked forward at the view. They were now salvaging their last few weeks of break before school started, soaking up each other's presence as much as they did with warm weather.

Megumi hadn’t been paying attention to the view for a while. Instead, he was staring to his right at a particular pink haired boy with a kind of marvel in his eyes that Megumi was sure no other human on the planet would have in such abundance. His expression was soft, his head resting atop his knees as a few loose strands of hair fell forward over his face.

He gave Yuji’s hand a small squeeze, trying to earn his attention back to him. It worked. Yuji immediately turned his head to look at Megumi only to be met with a look of admiration that almost made him want to tear up.

He smiled, squeezing the other's hand in return as he gave a soft smile. Each time Yuji smiled made Megumi want to melt away, immediately calming Megumi in a way nothing else possibly could. Yuji had a weird kind of magic behind that smile, one that immediately overrode every negative emotion within Megumi and instead, replaced it with a sense of pure affection.

They had long ago laughed off their stupidity during those two eventful weeks, shaking their heads at the ridiculous miscommunications between the two. They often think back to that time, reminiscing on their innocence that could only exist among two oblivious teenage boys who had no idea how to deal with their feelings.

Though not much time had passed, they had both noticed the changes that had occurred within themselves and each other.

Yuji has realized that he might have to take up track now, as he’s certain that he broke some kind of record with that superhuman sprint of his.

And Megumi doesn’t think he hates parties anymore.

Actually, he is certain he doesn’t have the capacity to hate them ever again.