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It’s a marshmallow world in the winter, when the snow comes to cover the ground.
The first snowfall of December 2016 comes on a Tuesday. Caitlin has a long break between classes and is sitting in Chris’ room at the hockey house (fine, haus , hockey dorks), helping him study for an upcoming oceanography exam.
(“Cait! It’s a whole class at about sharks!”
“...I hate to ask this, but you know it’s about-”
“The animal, duh, but see that’s the reason I started watching hockey when I was little! I love sharks!”)
“ Etmopterus perryi, Rhincodon typus, Glyph - oh, swawesome!”
Caitlin looks up from Chris’ flashcards to find him looking out the window. When she follows his gaze, she sees that big, fluffy snowflakes have started to fall.
Having grown up in Kings Beach, Caitlin genuinely loves snow. She’s an expert snowboarder who can handle the black diamond trails at Lake Tahoe. She’s participated in her city’s Snow Sculpture Contest. She likes to get hot chocolate and go for walks to look at Christmas lights glowing from under a fresh, white blanket.
On this day, however, the snow just makes her feel sad. It happens every year, has ever since her Nana died, and she tries to emotionally prepare for it, but it still makes her chest feel a little tight.
Caitlin throws a small smile and a, “Cool,” at Chris before focusing back down on his flashcards. “Where did we leave off?”
Chris doesn’t respond, and she looks up to find him studying her. “What’s wrong?” he asks.
She should have known. Chris is perceptive. It’s part of what makes him a good goalie. He also throws himself wholeheartedly into the things he’s serious about, and their relationship has been no different. (And that thought still makes her stomach flutter a little.) Which all boils down to: Chris can read her very well.
Caitlin puts down the flashcards, crawls across the bed to where he’s leaning against the wall, and arranges them so that she’s sitting in the V of his legs, her back against his chest. He rubs his hands up and down her upper arms a few times, then loosely wraps his arms around her.
“My parents are away a lot, you know? Not like in a bad way, it’s just that dad travels to run different marathons and papa will sometimes be gone awhile hunting down a story for the magazine. So when I was little, my Nana, that’s my dad’s mom, came to live with us.
And every December, the first time it snowed was the day we’d make Christmas cookies. She had this special recipe that’d been passed down in her family for generations. We’d put on Christmas music and Christmas socks and dance around in the kitchen while the cookies were baking in the oven. Our favorite song was ‘Marshmallow World’, and Nana always claimed the Darlene Love version was the best.”
Caitlin can feel her chest getting tight again and her eyes burning, so she stops talking and leans her head back against Chris’ shoulder and stares out the window at the falling snow, waiting for the wave of emotion to pass. It subsides a little, but doesn’t fade away entirely, so finally Caitlin gives up and finishes in a shaky voice.
“She’s gone now. So when it snows for the first time in December, I miss her and I get…” she trails off and can’t help the sniffle.
Chris hugs her tighter and says quietly, “I’m sorry,” and they sit in silence like that, watching the snow, until it’s time for Caitlin to get to her next class.
*
In the week that follows that conversation, Chris starts acting weird.
He gets obsessed with the weather forecast. He’s constantly tracking precipitation and comparing models and staring at the clouds. At first Caitlin thinks he’s looking for a good day for the hockey team to play outside on the lake, but when she brings it up, he looks at her like she’s crazy and says the ice isn’t solid enough yet.
On Saturday, she and Chris are having brunch with Eric and Jack, when Eric mentions to Chris that Jack’s willing to drive them to “that special store” if he’s free afterward. When Caitlin asks where they’re planning on going, Chris suddenly looks frantic and won’t meet her eyes.
“Uh, nowhere, I mean, obviously somewhere but it’s actually, uh, it’s a, a, a hockey store! Yeah, a hockey store! Anyway you can’t go because Dex and Nursey wanted to...to make a snowman with you! Right, Bitty?”
Then there’s the time she and Chris are listening to music on his computer when a new song starts and Chris flails, sending his papers everywhere and practically smashing the keyboard in order to skip to the next song. He then looks over his shoulder at her, as if maybe she wouldn’t have noticed. Caitlin raises an eyebrow at him, and Chris laughs nervously and then suggests they go downstairs and get a slice of pie.
And there’s also the weird conversation with her parents that involves Chris. Dad and Papa are both at home for once, and she’s telling them about how Chris and the hockey team shoveled all the sidewalks on their street (except the LAX bros, of course), when her dad says, “That Chris is such a cool guy, he was so sweet when he called here earlier this week-” He then gets cut off by her papa shushing him.
“What? Why did he call you?”
“Just had a question about his Christmas present for you, sweetheart,” Papa says quickly. “Anyway, it was great talking to you but we’ve got to go get ready for dinner at the Kaxiras!”
It’s only after they hang up that Caitlin realizes it’s just 2:00 on the west coast.
*
On Wednesday the week after she tells Chris about Nana, Caitlin wakes up to fluffy snow once again falling outside the window and six missed texts from Chris.
Cait, you awake?
Ok when you wake up, call me please!!
Actually don’t call just come over!
To the Haus
I mean you can call if you want but just come over!
Please!!
Caitlin smiles fondly and texts back.
I’m coming over now if that’s still ok?
Yes!!!
She throws on her nearest leggings and hoodie, pulls a knit hat over her hair, grabs boots and her coat, snags her keys from her hook and heads out the door. Jini and Addison are watching tv on the couch and she calls out a “good morning” and an “I’ll be at the hockey house” as she goes.
Eric throws open the door as Caitlin bounds up the steps and gives her a wide smile. “Mornin’,” he says, gesturing for her to come in. “Let me grab your coat, hm? Oh and you’ll need to take off your boots and socks.”
“Excuse me?” Caitlin asks, confused.
“Oh, because you’ll need to put these on!” He holds up a pair of bright green socks with dancing reindeer printed all over them. The reindeer above the ankle have actual jingle bells attached. He jingles them for effect.
Caitlin is still confused, but things are getting clearer. She can’t believe this boy. She takes off her boots and socks and perches on that awful green couch to put the dancing ( maybe it would be prancing? she thinks) reindeer on.
When she stands up, Eric gestures toward the kitchen. “Go on in there, and you kids have fun, now,” he says with a wink. “And don’t worry, I practiced with Chowder so he’s all set.”
“Practiced what?” she asks, but he only laughs and waves as he grabs his own coat and hat and walks out the door.
As she approaches the kitchen door, she hears a bouncy beat and low female voice singing, Those are marshmallow clouds being friendly in the arms of the evergreen trees… Her hand comes up to cover her mouth as she feels herself start to tear up. Slowly, she pushes the kitchen door open.
Even though by now she has basically guessed what Chris is planning, actually seeing it, the Haus kitchen decked out with paper snowflakes and popcorn garland, kitchen table covered in flour with a mound of cookie dough smelling faintly of lemon in the center, Darlene Love singing about a whipped-cream day, and Chris standing in the middle of it all, huge grin on his face, socks featuring gingerbread ninjas on his feet, actually seeing it is too much, and she can’t move, although she can feel the tears on her face.
Chris starts to looks a little uncertain after a minute, and he says, “I understand if you don’t want to, I know it was something special you did with your Nana, I just thought, traditions are meant to be passed down, right? So maybe you pass it from you and her to...you and me?” He holds up a shark cookie cutter and grins winningly.
And Caitlin can’t help it, her heart does still ache for missing her Nana, but it’s also overflowing with love for Chris, who would do all this for her, who wants to make holiday traditions with her.
She moves her hands away from her mouth so he can see she’s grinning ear to ear and wipes the tears away from her face. She reaches out for him and he’s immediately there, pulling her into a tight hug.
“Thank you,” she whispers, “It’s a great idea.”
He responds by hugging her tighter and kissing the top of her head. They stay like that for a moment before Chris uses a remote to restart the song and pulls her into a twirly, bouncy, laughing dance.
In winter, it’s a marshmallow world.
*
Bonus: They do make it a holiday tradition, and every year they buy one goofy cookie cutter to add to their collection. By their 20th wedding anniversary, they have the most bananas collection of cookie cutters known to man. No seriously they have three different banana ones.