Chapter Text
♥
Ever since the Sides remembered their past lives, Thomas had been having nightmares. None of the Sides intentionally made them, and when Roman checked in on one, they recognized their own memories distorted to fit Thomas. They grabbed Remus, told him, and began searching for the cause in all of the areas they could think of.
Eventually, the two did find something. A hall of doors, each colored for a different Side. Roman and Remus both recognized theirs, and knew that this had to be it. They never would have created this. Remus actually had to modify his door before they informed the others because the symbol above it was too recognizable.
When the others got the message and gathered in the odd hall, Roman began their explanation. “As you all know, Thomas has been having nightmares! Me and Remus think that this place here is the cause. We need to go through these doors and face the things we have nightmares about, or Thomas will keep seeing them.”
Janus looked at them both skeptically. “And this isn't another of your tricks?”
“You think I wanna be here?” Remus said. “If I could delete my old memories I would, and Roman is too much of a ‘goody-two-shoes’ to pull something like this off.”
“Plus, as Thomas's protector and most noble prince, I valiantly offer to go first, myself!” Roman did not want to go last, and they knew themself well enough to know that if they knew how it went for other people they might back out. Plus, they wanted to give their brother a little bit of a buffer. It was time to stop running. Maybe, if their friends knew and accepted them, they could someday stop feeling the weight of their sins every time they got bored.
“Okay, kiddo. If you're sure, then I trust you. Are you gonna be okay in there?” (And oh, that hurt. That was the first time Roman had been called kiddo since they remembered. It's always the punny ones, huh?)
“I'll be fine, Padre. I don't really have the scary kind of nightmare often. More… regretful.”
Roman heard the others make noises of agreement and stepped up to their doorway. It had a red frame, as made sense, but despite there not being a door, no light could actually pass through. They stepped in, and the first thing they noticed was the smell of cinnamon. “Oh…” they breathed. It was their mom's house. The warm wood and soft light, the staircase heading down, and the two hallways to either side. It looked the exact same as they remembered, which meant it was far bigger than it was supposed to be, given that Roman grew taller alongside Thomas.
On reflex they forgot they had, Roman grabbed on to a hand that was not there, and started walking to their room. They hesitated outside the door, and finally registered the other Sides trying to get their attention.
“Roman? What is going on?”
Eliza. Roman… almost forgot she was there, just going through the motions. “Sorry, teach, lost in thought! You know how it is!”
“Hm.” Eliza looked at them in clear displeasure. “Talk to us. You need to work through this.”
Roman sighed, but didn't let their mask slip quite yet. “I will, I will! Come on in, we might as well be a little more comfortable for this.”
The group packed into Roman’s bedroom, and Roman made their way over to sit on the bed. Remus sat next to them, and they leaned against him gratefully. The room was big enough it made them feel like a little kid again, but at least that meant all seven Sides could actually fit.
“Roman? You okay, kiddo?” Patton asked, moving one hand like he wasn't sure how best to comfort them.
Roman laughed slightly. It felt odd to have someone call them ‘kiddo’ in this house. “I'm alright. This… this was my mom's house. I was adopted, and this was the room she let me stay in, even before it was official. I had something I had to take care of, so I left one day, but I would have stayed forever if I could have.”
Roman knew that the others were looking at them with expressions they couldn't identify, but they didn't check. Instead, they pictured the way they used to look. They pictured their mom. They pictured what life may have been like if they had only been allowed to stay.
“She didn't want to let me leave at first. I couldn't convince her, either, because she wouldn't just talk to me! So I- I lashed out,” Roman said, their movements becoming erratic as they gestured before they shrunk into themself and gripped their arms tightly. “I didn't mean to hurt her that badly, but one second she was in the way, the next she had collapsed on the ground. She… recovered, but I never forgot what happened. I never forgot what I could do. I never hurt anyone like that on accident again.”
Luminara spoke up next, which surprised Roman, because they didn't really know her that well. “I get that, y'know, Princely One. I do. Unfortunately, there is no victimless way to live. Someone will always be hurt, in a way. She recovered. And I'm assuming you were a kid? Cut yourself some slack or you'll choke.”
“Eight. About the age Thomas was when we manifested. I still hurt her. But… you're right. This, in the grand scheme of things? Not that big a deal, huh?” Roman finally looked back up at everyone. They all looked… proud? Heh, well, time to move on, then. Roman had more to get through, they knew this. That fact was only emphasized by the door turning into a pulsating red, black, and white.
Virgil was the first to notice the change, aside from Roman themself. “What-? Um- I think the next memory is open.”
Roman nodded, and looked at the doorway. They knew the place it led to, but they weren't quite ready to see what memory they would be forced to relive, or at least talk about. Probably something to do with their powers, if they had to guess. They… didn't want to know what the others would think of them once they found out how Roman used their powers. It probably wouldn't be great, given what they did.
“In a bit, I think. I… need some time.” Roman leaned further into their brother and smiled at the others’ warm reassurances. This was nice, at least. Even if the others ended up hating them, at least they got this.
The others chattered away, and Roman felt loved and safe. Remus and Virgil started talking about increasingly improbable ways to do mundane tasks, and the others joined in or scolded them through laughter. Luminara looked over at Roman and smiled knowingly.
“It's nice, huh?”
“Huh?” A lot of things were nice right then, so Roman wasn't sure exactly what she was referring to. “What is?”
“Listening to them talk? It's relaxing to be able to sit and hear them without needing to contribute, isn't it,” she said. “Knowing they care and want you to be there with them, but not feeling pressured to speak.”
Roman hadn't heard it put that way before, but they understood pretty much instantly. They did spend most of their childhood staring at people until they started talking. “It is. I may like to talk, but this is just as nice, honestly!”
Luminara smiled and nodded, clearly reminiscing over a different set of people. The two enjoyed the conversation in silence together, and Roman felt understood and like they understood her better. Maybe their experiences weren't as unique as they thought, or at least these ones weren't.