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Empty glasses are raised high up in celebration, the humid breeze hanging thick in the air.
The Lesters have gathered outdoors beneath the moonlight to celebrate Kath’s birthday, surrounded by empty bottles of sparkling lemonade and pastries from the local bakery. Dan had made a surprise order including a towering white chocolate cake, each layer thick and even. The surface was concealed with buttercream that gleamed faintly under the lunar glow, along with the white frosting being smooth and thick. It was almost as if this masterpiece of a cake was constructed to be a gigantic cloud, crafted to be in the hands of Dan’s loved ones. They have also taken note of the sugared lemon twists sprinkled all over and dusted with edible gold powder, shimmering further underneath the night glow.
Dan is very well aware of how extra he can be with the ones he loves the most.
He has taken pride in it. Why wouldn’t he?
Just observing the visible reactions on everyone’s faces when their server placed the cake on their table did it for Dan. Unexpectedly, on Dan’s end, their server whipped out a sparkler candle and set it on the surface of the cloud-like cake. The sudden sparkles caught everybody, including Dan, off guard, shimmering radiantly as the lights hit them. All eyes were fixed on the bright display, and eventually, everyone began to sing in unison to Kath. Additionally, Dan’s niece could barely contain her excitement as the sparkles had her registering the moment for a split second, ultimately having her eyes widen with joy and admiration of the sight.
Of course, Dan glanced over to Phil, who was sitting right in front of him, and he noticed he was being stared at.
The existing grin on Phil’s face grew wider as they made eye contact, and Dan could have sworn he noticed a small tear crinkle at the corner of his eye. It had always been clear to Dan that his partner valued family very deeply, and every time Dan took part in these significant moments, Phil could not help but feel sentimental.
Dan gently reached for Phil’s hand with his, caressing it slowly with his thumb. It took Phil a moment to fully register the warmth of Dan’s hand resting on his, eventually holding back, cherishing this tender moment.
“Thank you,” Phil mouthed at Dan.
Dan responded with a single nod, holding Phil’s hand more firmly.
~
Phil loses count of how many glasses of rosé Dan had sipped down before heading back to their shared hotel bedroom. He especially enjoyed the part where he had to forcefully grab Dan’s unsteady self against him, securely wrapping his frame to guide him forward. After all, it was Dan’s turn to have a blurry sense of direction.
He definitely enjoyed the part where he had to help him into his pyjama trousers.
He tenderly lowered him onto their king-sized bed to ensure he could sink into the soft covers, which Phil hoped he would be able to knock out and sleep away his drunk brain.
However, Dan’s drunk brain had other plans.
“Phiiiiiiil,” Dan whines, “why won’t you lay down with me?”
Phil rummages through their hotel fridge in search of something, anything, to help Dan snap out of this state sooner. He sticks with the single water bottle Dan had placed earlier in the day, grabs it, and walks towards their bed. There’s Dan, lying on his back, wearing nothing but striped pyjama bottoms. He rests the back of his hand against his forehead, attempting to soothe himself.
“I want you to rest, Danny,” Phil says, placing the bottle on Dan’s nightstand. “I don’t wanna wake up to you crying about your hangover.”
Dan snickers, “‘M gonna have a headache anyway. I have accepted my unfortunate fate.”
Phil rolls his eyes in response, although he eventually gives in and begins preparing his left side of the bed, lying his body down to sit up and rest his back against the headboard.
“You’re not laying down with me,” Dan continues. “Whyyy do you hate me-”
“Gimme a minute,” Phil chuckles. “I’m mentally preparing myself for what I’m gonna have to deal with for the night since I don’t think you’re falling asleep anytime soon.”
“Am not that drunk.”
Phil scoffs. “You tripped like seven times on your way here. So much for being a heavyweight, eh?”
Dan pouts in response. “This is abuse.”
Phil giggles and rests the back of his head against the headboard. He gives himself a moment to fully take in this calm silence, which is something he wasn’t fortunate enough to have thanks to his intoxicated 6'4 boyfriend. His thoughts drift back to the ginormous cloud cake Dan had gifted his mum, the banter between his partner and his dad over who was paying for the entirety of dinner (spoiler alert: it ended up being his dad), and his cheeky mum sneaking in even more rosé.
The truth of the matter is, Phil knew he and Dan were not planning to drink much in the first place, especially around their niece. However, the moment Martyn and Cornelia called it a night due to their child’s early slumber, Kath did not hesitate to pull out the bottles the second they headed over to their hotel room.
A few hours later, here they both are, Phil taking care of his beloved, buzzed partner.
“Phiiiiiil?”
Phil glances to his left. “Yes?”
“Y’wanna know something?”
“I always do.”
Dan inhales softly. “Remember that thing I told you about in Vietnam? About the time when I thought I wasn’t deserving of this?”
Ah. Phil couldn’t forget that night.
It was their first ever outdoor holiday together as an out couple, so there were bound to be a variety of emotions from both parties. Dan, however, brought it out to a whole new level. During one of their dinner dates, Dan had discussed more in depth regarding their earlier years when Dan was miserably deep in the closet, and there were heavy moments when he couldn’t shake the feeling that Phil deserved better. What he couldn’t ignore, additionally, was the feeling that Dan didn’t deserve him. Tears were shed that night, and fragile words stumbled between them. Hands eventually found each other, and they stayed close, seeking warmth from the other.
How could Phil ever forget that night?
“I remember that night.”
“‘M so glad I got outta that mindset, y’know?” Dan slurs. “Because, like, after everything we’ve been through-”
Phil notices Dan struggling to speak, tangling his words with quiet tears.
“It’s like,” Dan continues, “of course I deserve you. Is that weird to say?”
Phil chuckles. “That’s not weird to say, Dan. You deserve the best and more, and I am pretty great.”
Dan giggles, turning to lie on his right side to face Phil. “‘M truly happy that we did this, Phil. I know I was hesitant at first. Fuck, I was terrified, but it all worked out in the end. I might just be blabbering, actually. Am I making sense?”
Phil gently places his hand in Dan’s hair. “As much as you never make sense, especially drunk, I know exactly what you mean.”
“I’ve always loved you. I love you so much, it consumes my soul.”
Ah, there goes the drunk sap.
“I thought you didn’t believe in souls,” Phil says.
“Why can’t you let me be romantic?”
Phil decides it’s his turn to lie down on his side to face Dan back, only to realize Dan is locked in right away on the eye contact.
“I love you,” Phil says back. “I love you so much, which is why I need you to sleep because you drank a lot.”
Dan continues to allow his quiet tears to stream down his face, although the grin on his face recalls a different emotion on his end. “You are beautiful and kind and I’m grateful the universe gifted me your existence.”
Holy shit. “Wow, Dan. That rosé turned you into a whole different person.”
He can see Dan’s eyelids start to grow heavy on him.
“‘M sorry I never got to drink your cold water,” Dan quietly says, sleep slowly taking over.
“It’s fine,” Phil yawns. “I half expected you not to drink it. I just put it there for you, just in case.”
In response, Dan quickly reaches for the water bottle sitting on his nightstand, bringing it in for a sip before letting it loosely hover himself. “And for that I say, cheers!”
Phil rolls his eyes. “Let’s actually try to sleep, you twat.”
~
Phil awakens from the sudden groan heard from his left side. He scans over to the clock above the hotel TV.
7:22 AM.
“I actually wish I wasn’t alive so I wouldn’t have to suffer right now,” Dan says.
Phil lets out a quiet chuckle, his exhaustion clinging to every breath. “Shouldn’t have drank so much, mate.”
Dan turns to his right side to face Phil. “Good morning to you too, you asshole.”
“Ibuprofen is on the table if you wanna grab it.”
Dan sighs, “I’ll grab it in a minute. I kinda want to just rot here before we head out for our sidequest of the day.”
Right. Phil’s mum had discussed something about wanting to get moving and go out wandering in the outdoors, or something like that. Phil had been too focused on buzzed Dan to completely register what his mum was trying to say. Regardless, he still gave the okay, and he cannot bring himself to shoot her down.
Phil does not even bother to ask Dan if he remembers what his mum had said.
“You know,” Dan continues, “I still somewhat remember what I said last night.”
Phil’s eyes widen as he turns to face Dan. “You do?”
Dan nods. “Contrary to popular belief, I do remember the things I say when intoxicated, for the most part.”
Phil stays silent. He figures there wasn’t a whole lot that was revealed the night before, however he also understands that small moments of openness and vulnerability don’t often come easily for Dan. Despite being open with each other for nearly seventeen years and despite Dan trusting Phil with his whole life, putting your feelings into words can be challenging. Plus, Dan had been drinking, therefore his guard lowered. It isn’t exactly simple when Dan wasn’t even fully sober.
“How do you feel?” Phil eventually asks.
“I thought I would feel weird,” Dan says, “but I don’t. I mean, I don’t think I said a lot that you didn’t know already.”
“Right.”
“But also, I don’t want you to think that, like, I need alcohol just to be able to talk to you, you know? That’s why I brought it up. I wanted to communicate that with you.”
Phil hums in response. "I know, love."
“I know I deserve you,” Dan continues. “I fought a long time to believe that, and now I fully do. I’ve always dealt with these negative thoughts creeping up on me, and they were never fun. I’m glad I’m at a place where I can tell myself that, yeah, even with everything I’ve been through, I deserve love in my life.”
Phil smiles.
“I think I just became a sappy drunk over time,” Dan snorts. “Who knows when horny drunk Dan will make a reappearance?”
“I mean,” Phil says, climbing over Dan until he’s half lying on him, facing eye-to-eye, “there’s still time for that, I think. Perhaps, I could cure your hangover.”
Dan chuckles as he leans closer, “Yeah, this will do for now.”