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The backstage rehearsal room smelled of ozone and broken promises. The flickering overhead lights cast a sickly yellow glow over the area, which added to the tension and unpleasantness of the atmosphere. This dystopian society was depressingly familiar to Till, who had been tightly gripping his guitar in an attempt to forget about the dire situation he was in. If he lost this round, his whole world would collapse under the weight of the applause. Everything he loved? Gone. Burnt to ashes. This routine had been repeated so many times that it felt normal.
It wasn’t.
Till struck a particularly heavy chord, and it was then that the E string snapped back against his fingers with a loud “thwack!”. He flinched and yelped at the sudden stinging pain, but then a voice he had heard a thousand times cut through the air like a hot knife through butter.
“You’re squeezing it too hard again. Nervous?”
The voice had a calculating edge to it while at the same time being comforting in this moment of uncertainty. Till looked up to where the voice came from. A tall figure with jet-black hair was standing in the doorway.
“Shut up, Ivan,” Till muttered through his teeth. It was then that Ivan inched closer to Till, slowly coming into the light. His face held a tired yet unwavering expression. One that illustrated the way he had seen many things but would not allow them to break him.
“A bad habit, isn’t it? You hold your guitar with so much force that it is as if you’re trying to strangle it. Do you think that if you break your guitar Mizi will like you more?“ Till’s eyes narrowed to slits.
“One of us is going to die today, Ivan. And you’re acting like it’s no big deal,” Till said through his teeth, his face contorting with anger.
“That’s why I came to see you. So I could spend more time with you before one of us is killed.” Till pushed Ivan against the wall with all the force he could muster.
“I SAID SHUT UP! You never cared about me! If you did, you wouldn’t be standing here mocking me like I mean nothing!“ The silence that followed became a suffocating weight until Ivan broke it with a passionate kiss to Till’s lips. Startled, Till’s shoulders instinctively went up to his ears, but he eventually relaxed them and kissed back. When the kiss finally broke, Till pulled away, panting.
“I didn’t know you…oh my God. It all makes sense now. You wouldn’t stop teasing me because…you’re in love with me!” Blushing, Ivan nodded.
“I didn’t want to tell you because…I thought you would hate me.“ Ivan looked away, unable to make eye contact.
“Oh. It’s a bit late, isn’t it? Telling me moments before we have to go onto that dreaded stage…” A melancholy smile tugged at Till’s lips. Ivan broke down into tears.
“I-I know! But the truth is…” Ivan buried his face in Till’s shoulder. “I need you,” he said, his voice muffled by Till’s body. Till pushed Ivan more firmly against the wall but this time it held a different sentimentality.
“I need you too,” he whispered into Ivan’s ear. Till’s lips crashed down onto Ivan’s. Ivan parted his lips so that Till’s tongue could enter. As their saliva mixed together, Till’s hand tangled in Ivan’s dark matted hair, stroking his head like it was the most precious thing in the world. He bit Ivan’s lip lightly. Not enough to draw blood, but enough to make him feel something. Ivan squirmed a bit and then a shiver ran through his entire body. Till broke the kiss again and looked deeply into Ivan’s eyes.
“Please, Till, don’t stop,” Ivan begged, his face flushed.
“Why would I?“ Till began to trail kisses down Ivan’s neck, provoking soft, pleasured noises from him. He sucked a little bit on one spot, and Ivan responded by tilting his head to expose more of his neck to Till. “You’re gonna leave a mark,” Ivan whined. Till pulled back and smoothed Ivan’s shirt collar upward to cover the spot.
“No one will ever know,” he said, smirking. “But this isn’t the time to hold back. I’m just barely getting started with you~.” Till hastily took his shirt off while maintaining eye contact with Ivan. Ivan’s eyes wandered, taking in the sight, and he peeled off his sweat-slicked shirt as well. They pressed their bodies together once more, and Till began to massage Ivan’s shoulders and neck.
“Tense, are we?” Till questioned sarcastically, though it lacked any real edge. Ivan trusted Till enough to let him do what he wanted to him, relaxing into the massage and letting go of as much of the tension that was able to leave him.
“Yes…oh, God. Keep doing that,” Ivan whined, his breathing becoming frantic.
“Only if you hold still and stop acting desperate for me.” Ivan swallowed hard, his face doing little to hide his lust. His eyes were becoming watery from the mix of emotions he was feeling as well as this being the first time he had done anything like this, especially with the love of his life.
“O-Okay,” he said, submitting to Till entirely. Ivan let out a series of needy whines, not afraid to hold back even though he was ironically just told not to act desperate. Till kept massaging Ivan until he realized he was nearing the last words he would ever say to him.
“All these years I thought you were fighting against me because you didn’t like me. Now, tell me, Ivan…Who do you belong to?” Ivan did not hesitate.
“Y-You!” he blurted out. “I belong to you! Always,” he practically screamed.
“Good. You know your place.” Till began to massage Ivan’s chest, paying special attention to the sensitive parts. Ivan gradually became more stimulated by the overwhelming sensation and felt as though he could not hold back anymore.
“Please…I need more!” Ivan breathed, his eyes fluttering shut in pleasure. Till looked down at the bulge in Ivan’s pants.
“I can tell,” he said. Ivan’s face immediately flushed a deep crimson.
“Oh, that’s—that’s—“
“Shh, it’s alright, baby…” Till began running his fingers through Ivan’s hair again. He began kissing a line down his torso, until he was suddenly interrupted by an announcement on the loudspeakers.
“Attention. The rehearsal period has concluded. All contestants must return to their quarters immediately,” the voice said.
“What? That wasn’t…” Ivan’s face fell with the realization that this was the last time they would see each other. He pulled Till in for one last kiss. This one was still passionate, but it was now filled with sadness.
“See you onstage,” Till said, trying not to show the intense emotions he was feeling deep down.
“See you,” Ivan said. He turned around and slowly walked away. He wished the moment could last, but he knew that if he looked back, it would only make things worse. Tears came gushing out of his eyes as he disappeared from Till’s sight.
Till collapsed heavily against the wall, sliding down it with the weight of the world on his shoulders. He knew that the hurt was there because of the love he shared with the boy he had known since early childhood. He would have never known of Ivan’s love for him if the stakes had not become dire.
Perhaps this was how it was meant to be.