Chapter Text
Movie nights are a sacred tradition for Minji and Hanni. Whenever their calendars bless them with a free evening, they jump on the chance to cuddle up on the couch in their coziest pajamas. They go all out, covering the coffee table in the dorm living room corner to corner with snacks; popcorn, chips, sour candies, fizzy drinks—all the movie night essentials. The opportunities to relax together like this were getting scarcer by the day as preparations for their next comeback got into full swing. So, despite the exhausting rehearsal they had earlier that day, Hanni and Minji were determined to make good use of their night.
The other girls had already headed off to their rooms, all having cited different excuses when they were invited to movie night. Hyein claimed she was too tired, even though she was practically bouncing off the walls just a minute before; Haerin said she wanted to paint her nails, which was interesting considering the fact that she had gotten them done at a salon two days ago; and Danielle—who at least had the heart to look disappointed she couldn’t join—said she had promised her sister she would call.
Minji and Hanni were well aware that the girls had lied to their faces, but they couldn’t really blame them. The duo are insufferable together. Total movie critics. Cinema snobs. They have their own movie rating system and can’t go five minutes without pointing out a misguided soundtrack choice or a poorly framed shot. It’s truly a surprise they’ve never been kicked out of a theater with how much they talk. The only people who could tolerate watching a movie with Minji and Hanni are Minji and Hanni.
Tonight, they’d been watching a romcom, much to Hanni’s chagrin. After 90 minutes of corny meet-cutes and cringeworthy line deliveries, the two main characters were finally confessing their feelings. Minji was completely captivated, her eyes glued to the screen. Hanni, on the other hand, had been sighing, unable to sit still, struggling to fight off her boredom.
“I can’t believe I let you pick this movie,” Hanni groaned as she placed the popcorn bowl back on the table.
“You owe me after forcing me to watch that horror movie last time,” Minji said, eyes still stuck on the screen. “I had to sleep with the lights on for like two weeks after that.”
“You’re such a wuss, bro.” Hanni laughed.
“I’m not a wuss. Any sane person would be freaked out by a movie like that.”
“Sure, whatever you say, wuss,” Hanni turned her attention back to the screen. “This confession is so cringey, now I’ll be the one having nightmares.”
“I think it’s sweet,” Minji said softly.
Ignoring her, Hanni watched in disgust as the couple on screen shared a kiss. “Ugh, Minji, this movie sucks. Even the way they kiss is awful,” Hanni whined in annoyance.
“What’s wrong with how they kiss?” Minji turned to look at Hanni. “I think it shows how much they love each other. They’re passionate,” she defended the movie.
“Well, if that kiss is meant to demonstrate their love, they’re doing a terrible job.”
“How would you know a good kiss from a bad one, Hanni? Have you ever even kissed someone before?”
“I don’t need personal experience to know if a kiss looks bad,” Hanni snarked.
“Ohhh, so you aren’t denying it, you really haven’t kissed anyone,” Minji giggled.
Hanni shoved Minji’s shoulder, “Hey! Don’t laugh at me,” she crossed her arms over her chest and slumped back into the couch. “It’s not like you have any experience either.”
When Minji didn’t answer, Hanni furrowed her brows. “Wait…have you kissed someone?”
Minji shrugged and gave her a smirk, looking proud of herself. Hanni frowned, her mood souring.
“When did this happen? Why wouldn’t you tell me?” The words came out sounding a lot more pathetic than Hanni had intended, but she couldn’t help it. The idea of Minji keeping something like this truly bothered her—she thought she knew everything about her best friend.
Minji, easily swayed by the sight of Hanni upset, immediately gave up her game. “I was just joking, Pham. I’ve never kissed anyone before, okay?”
Hanni looked at her, her face still holding some suspicion.
“Seriously, you’d definitely know if I’d had my first kiss,” she placed a reassuring hand on Hanni’s knee. “You’ve been glued to my side since the day we met, you know my every move.”
“You make it sound like I’m stalking you,” Hanni said, a smile returning to her face. “Who knows, maybe you had a secret side romance when I wasn’t looking.”
“Hanni, when could I possibly have had a secret romance? You hog all my free time,” Minji laughed.
“Hey! You like it when I hog your free time,” she poked Minji’s side teasingly.
The two girls laughed and fell into an easy quiet.
After a few moments, Hanni spoke again, “Do you ever think about the stuff we’re missing out on for our career? We definitely would’ve had a first kiss by now if it weren’t for the big, fat, company ordered dating ban. Don’t you think so?”
“It doesn’t matter, even without the dating ban we’d still be too busy to even think about romance.”
“Ugh, we’re totally missing out on all our big teen movie moments,” Hanni said with a pout. “No kisses or dates or parties. Doesn’t that bug you too?”
“Yeah. I mean, all of this is a dream come true, but I don’t know…” she leaned her head against the back of the couch and looked up at the ceiling. “Sometimes I do miss being a normal kid. It’d be nice to do something stupid or reckless and not have to worry about causing a PR disaster.”
“That would be nice,” Hanni agreed with a sigh. “I just feel so behind sometimes. All my friends back home talk about the clubs they go to and the people they hook up with, and I can’t help but feel a little bit left out. By the time I’m allowed to date, everyone my age will be miles ahead in experience, but I’ll be like 25 and still not know how to kiss—oh my God, I’m gonna be 25 and a virgin,” Hanni gasped at her sudden realization.
Minji laughed at Hanni’s dramatics, “Hanni, I don’t think anyone actually worth dating will care about your lack of experience,” she tried to console her.
“But I care about it,” Hanni emphasized. “I want to be prepared when the time comes, don’t you?”
Minji thought for a moment before responding. “Yeah. I do,” she admitted. “Man, this kinda sucks.”
Hanni looked down, deep in thought. Being able to voice her worries made her feel a little better, but she still wasn’t satisfied. Knowing that Minji felt the same way only made her more determined to find a solution.
Suddenly, she gasped, her face brightened by an excited grin. “Minji, I just thought of something,” she reached out and grabbed Minji’s wrist. “We should kiss.”
Minji’s jaw dropped, her shock visible. “W-what? Are you joking?” she laughed nervously.
Hanni shook her head. “No. Just think about it. We’re both worried about not having enough experience, but it’s not like we can just go out and find someone to kiss. The media could find out, and it’d be such a scandal. Our managers would kill us if that happened. But, if we kissed each other, then we wouldn’t have the risk of someone finding out, and we'd get the experience we want. Sounds like a win-win to me,” she said this like it was the most obvious thing in the world. To Hanni, the situation really was that straightforward, and she was happy to have come with such a simple fix to their shared problem.
“I don’t know, Hanni,” Minji sighed, sounding unsure. “Wouldn’t it be weird, us kissing?”
“I don’t think it’d be weird at all,” Hanni was confident in her idea. “In fact, I think it’d be nice to have my first kiss with someone I trust, and there’s no one I trust more than you. What, do you not trust me or something?”
“Of course I trust you,” Minji quickly shut down Hanni’s worry. “I just don’t want us to do something we might regret.”
“Oh really,” Hanni said, not buying Minji’s excuse. “Are you sure you’re not just too much of a chicken to do it?”
“What! I’m not a chicken,” Minji immediately protested.
Hanni smiled at this, knowing she had found her way in—Minji was so easy to rile up. “Then prove it, chicken,” she leaned in close to deliver the final blow. “I dare you.”
Minji, unable to back down from a challenge, huffed. “Fine.”
She turned on the couch to face Hanni fully, their knees touching. She took a deep breath and then reached out her hand, carefully cupping Hanni’s jaw. Slowly, Minji began to lean in, her eyes focused on Hanni’s lips.
Hanni could see the nerves and hesitation all over her face. Concerned, she gently placed a hand on Minji’s chest and pushed her back lightly.
“Hey, you know I was only teasing when I called you a chicken, right?” She took Minji’s hands in her own and gave them a soft squeeze. “You don’t have to kiss me if you don’t actually want to. It’s okay.”
“What? No!” Minji quickly reassured her. “I do want to kiss you! I mean I don’t like want to kiss you—I-I mean I do want to kiss you, but it’s not like I’m longing to kiss you or anything—”
“Minji, chill out,” Hanni laughed at her friend’s awkward panic. Minji was such a loser sometimes. “I get what you mean. I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t like, forcing you into something you didn’t actually want.”
Minji squeezed Hanni’s hands back and looked her in the eye, face serious. “You could never force me into anything against my will. You’re way too small to be intimidating, Mini,” she stated earnestly.
Hanni gasped in offense and reached out to smack Minji on the shoulder.
“Hey! That hurt—”
Minji’s protests were silenced by Hanni surging forward and placing a peck on her lips.
She pulled back, gauging Minji’s reaction. Hanni had stunned herself with her sudden action, the reasoning behind the spontaneous move was hazy at best. Maybe she did it to get the kiss over with, rip the bandaid off, or maybe she did it just to shut Minji up. Whatever the reason, it didn’t matter now, Hanni just hoped she hadn’t scared Minji away.
Minji was, understandably, very clearly surprised by the kiss. She recovered quickly, though, and lifted her chin up, giving Hanni her most convincing cool face.
“All that buildup just for that? That was so short, Hanni, that hardly counts as a kiss. Maybe you’re the real chicken here,” Minji accused.
Hanni let out a tiny sigh of relief that Minji was still poking fun at her. She raised a brow in question, deciding to push Minji a little more. “Oh really? I’d like to see you do better, since you sound so confident now.”
Minji gently grasped Hanni’s chin, her gaze darting back and forth from Hanni’s eyes to her lips. She leaned in, stopping just a breath away from Hanni’s mouth, “I am confident,” she said softly, and then she closed the remaining gap between them.
It was awkward for a moment as Minji timidly attempted to kiss her, but then Hanni tilted her head and began moving her lips in return, and the awkwardness faded away. She matched Minji’s slow and easy pace as she wrapped her arms behind her neck, getting comfortable.
The kiss wasn’t like the peck she had given Minji. This was a real kiss. And it was different from what Hanni had expected her first kiss to be like—better than what she had expected. Minji’s lips were perfectly soft and tasted like the cherry lip balm she always wore. Minji seemed to get the hang of kissing with ease, moving so naturally that it made Hanni doubt if this really was her first time. She knew when to push forward, when to ease back, she knew exactly when to change tempo, or to adjust the angle of her head. She was so gentle, too, holding Hanni with the same delicate care that she did everything with. The whole thing was just so Minji.
Hanni smiled against Minji’s lips at the thought and pulled her closer; her fingers found their way into Minji’s hair and lightly scratched at her scalp. Minji sighed with content at the movement as her hand fell onto the shorter girl’s waist, lightly tracing her side. The contact awoke a swarm of butterflies in Hanni’s stomach, the kind she’d get right before going on stage. Slightly overwhelmed by the sensation, Hanni found herself running out of air. She carefully pulled back, trying to catch her breath. She slowly opened her eyes only to find Minji already looking back at her with a smug smile on her face.
“Told you I could do better,” Minji teased.
“No fair. I thought you said my kiss wasn’t long enough to count,” Hanni countered. Minji sounded way too pleased with her work for Hanni’s liking.
“Make it longer then,” Minji said as she moved close again, her nose just barely nudging Hanni’s.
If a blush started to creep onto Hanni’s cheeks at Minji’s casual confidence, she didn’t notice it—she was too caught up in her own competitiveness. No way would she let Minji get too cocky over this. If she wanted a longer kiss, then she’d get a longer kiss.
Hanni tightened her grip on Minji’s hair and pulled her head forward to capture her lips again. They collided in an unrestrained kiss, all their previous hesitation gone. Hanni was determined to humble Minji’s smug attitude; she eagerly sucked on Minji’s lips, who let out a surprised sound, further emboldening Hanni. She grasped Minji’s hair even tighter, fighting for the upper hand.
Minji matched her enthusiasm, seeming to be equally intent on “winning” the kiss. When Hanni pushed, she pushed back. She returned the tugs on her hair with skillfully timed nips to Hanni’s lips, followed by an experimental brush of her tongue against the entrance of Hanni’s mouth. Hanni happily welcomed this, giving a hum of approval as she opened her mouth wider, encouraging her to continue.
The kiss got sloppier, heavier, the sounds of their lips smacking drowning out the movie playing on the now long-forgotten TV. Minji’s hands were everywhere, wandering all over Hanni’s body like she couldn’t get enough. She possessively gripped onto Hanni’s hips, pulling her as close as their position allowed, and when that wasn’t close enough, she tightened her hold and guided Hanni forward to straddle her. Hanni didn’t resist at all, allowing herself to be pulled by Minji’s strong grip.
Hanni settled on her lap, and Minji’s hands continued to wander. One was on her thigh, running soothing strokes up and down, while her other hand was tangled in the bottom of Hanni’s shirt, teasing the skin beneath. Hanni shuddered when Minji’s hand finally found its way under her shirt and began up her torso. She could tell when Minji’s hand was heading and her whole body buzzed with anticipation. Patience thinning, Hanni grabbed Minji’s wrist and guided her the remaining distance toward her chest, a quiet whine escaping her lips when Minji’s hand finally palmed over her breast.
Hanni felt good. So unbelievably good. This was unlike anything she had ever felt before. She couldn’t think straight. She wasn’t thinking about the fact that this was her best friend she was on top of, tongue halfway down her throat. She wasn’t thinking about the fact that they were in the living room of the dorm they shared with three other girls who could walk in on them at any moment. She definitely wasn’t thinking about how this was meant to be just a simple kiss. She had lost all her sensibility and was left completely defenseless to her growing desire. The only thing on her mind at that moment was more, more, more.
Hoping to find the more that was ringing through her head, Hanni ground her hips down, an unconscious reflex to the spreading heat she was feeling. Minji, unfailingly attuned to Hanni’s needs, instinctively lifted her thigh at the movement, placing the perfect amount of pressure on Hanni’s center.
Unable to contain her pleasure, Hanni let out a needy moan, “Minji-ah.”
Minji froze at the sound. And then she moved—away from Hanni. She ripped hands off from where they gripped Hanni’s body and quickly scrambled to get the girl off of her lap, eyes looking anywhere else. She rushed to put distance between them, her breathing fast and heavy as she stood from the couch.
“Oh shit,” she whispered hoarsely, running her hands over her face. “Shit, shit, shit. I’m sorry. I-I didn’t mean to—”
Hanni initially felt slighted at the way Minji had abruptly ended their heated exchange, frustrated by the sudden stop to the pleasure she had started feeling, but her annoyance immediately dissolved at the sight of Minji clearly panicking, arms wrapped tightly around herself as she muttered incoherent apologies through short gasps for air.
“Minji? Calm down, it’s okay. Just try to take a deep breath.”
Minji jumped, startled by the sound of Hanni’s concerned voice. She turned, trying to get away. Unfortunately, in her frazzled state, Minji had become less aware of her surroundings, like the coffee table sitting in front of the couch, for example. She slammed her shin right into its sharp corner, the sudden impact causing her to trip and fall. She landed on the floor with a loud, embarrassing thud.
“Fuck,” she groaned, grabbing her leg and rolling onto her side, facing away from Hanni.
Hanni rushed over and crouched down next to her, “Are you hurt?” she asked in a worried voice, cautiously placing a hand on Minji’s back.
Minji flinched at the contact, jerking away as if she couldn’t stand Hanni’s concern. “I’m fine,” she squeaked.
The fall effectively snapped Minji out of her panic, the pain taking precedent. Hanni’s worry dissolved a bit now that Minji was calming down, but that relief provided her little comfort as the sting of rejection started to settle in. She knew Minji was out of it, but she couldn’t help but feel hurt by the way she turned away from her. She opened her mouth to speak, but was stopped by the sound of footsteps coming down the hall.
“Are you guys alright? What’s with all the noise?” Haerin yawned and wiped her eyes tiredly as she took in the strange scene in front of her—Minji on the floor, gripping her leg in pain, and Hanni, bent down beside her, hands awkwardly hovering over the older girl.
Using the interruption as an opportunity to escape, Minji got up from the floor and awkwardly limped towards the hallway. “I just tripped, don’t worry about it. Sorry for waking you up,” she said hurriedly, voice still rough. She pat Haerin on the shoulder, bidding her goodnight, and continued limping down the hallway, disappearing into her room without glancing back once.
“Minji is so weird,” Haerin deadpanned before heading into the kitchen and grabbing a glass of water.
“Yeah,” Hanni sighed dejectedly.
Haerin finished her water quickly and headed back to her room after telling Hanni not to stay up too late. Hanni, however, hadn’t moved an inch since Minji walked away. She was sure her legs would give out if she tried to stand. Her stomach turned as she thought about the way Minji had avoided her eyes and flinched at her touch. She thought about how scared Minji sounded, completely unlike the loud, confident Minji she’s used to. She’d never seen her in such a panicked state before. Minji was always so composed, even when something upset her, she hardly ever let it show.
Hanni tried to understand how things went so sideways, where she went wrong, what caused Minji’s extreme reaction. She knew it was a bit crazy to suggest kissing, but when she said that, she hadn’t expected it would go as far as it did. She certainly hadn’t expected Minji to kiss her like that. She didn’t know what had come over her, she got completely lost in the kiss. But Minji seemed just as lost as her, just as eager and hungry. Minji was the one who pulled Hanni onto her lap. Minji was the one with her hand up Hanni’s shirt. Maybe Hanni had lost control, but so did Minji. She thought they were on the same page. Why Minji had suddenly freaked out like that was a complete mystery to Hanni.
What the hell just happened.
Hanni’s jaw clenched as she watched Minji laugh with Danielle by the water fountain. Whatever they were talking about must’ve been the funniest thing in the world, Hanni had to guess. Minji was leaning on Dani, cheeks red, voice bouncing off the mirrored walls of the practice room.
When Hanni woke up that morning, she was determined to clear things up with Minji right away. Her mission was clear: she would talk to Minji, make sure things were alright between them, and they’d forget about their stupid little kiss in no time. It would be like it never happened at all, things would go on as they always do, there would be no awkwardness or room for misunderstanding.
Hanni’s determination took a serious hit, however, when she realized Minji had very different plans for the day—plans that included avoiding Hanni at all costs. Hanni had intended to talk to her during breakfast, but that plan was of no use when she learned that Minji left for rehearsal extra early. She tried to approach her during warm ups, hoping to stretch together like they always do, but Minji was quick to pull Haerin to be her partner when she noticed Hanni approaching. Minji always shouted words of encouragement during run-throughs, but today none of those words were for Hanni. It might not have been noticeable to the other girls, but to Hanni it was clear what Minji was doing. Her biggest cheerleader was very pointedly cheering for everyone but her. She attempted on multiple, incredibly humiliating occasions to make Minji laugh, referencing inside jokes, singing silly songs that she would normally join in on, throwing herself around like an idiot, only to be met with indifference. Hyein took pity on her and gave her a couple laughs, but that did little to repair the hits her ego took from failing to capture Minji’s attention. She reached a real low point when she pretended to twist her ankle, hoping that the sight of her hurt would make Minji abandon her new apathetic persona. She was quite disappointed when it was Danielle who came to her rescue instead. Hanni wanted to throw up for how badly she wanted it to be Minji in front of her as Dani checked her faux injury with care. No matter how she went about it, Minji managed to evade all her attempts at interaction.
So now, after a long rehearsal filled with obvious avoidance, Hanni was reaching her boiling point.
“Did Minji spit in your food or something? You’ve been staring at her with your ‘Minji Face’ for like five minutes straight,” Hyein plopped down on the floor next to where Hanni was sitting.
Hanni snapped her head over, “I wasn’t staring. And what do you mean by my ‘Minji Face?’”
“Umm you were definitely staring. And you know what face,” Hyein gestured to Hanni’s face, circling with her index finger. “That look you always give Minji when she’s annoying you. You pout your lips and scrunch your brows together and your eyes get all intense. You’re literally doing it right now.”
Hanni, suddenly aware of what the muscles in her face were doing, quickly schooled her expression. “I really have no clue what you’re talking about.”
“I don’t know where you got the idea that you can get away with lying to me but you should stop because you look really stupid trying it.” Hyein shook her head in disappointment.
Hanni glared at her, scolding, “that was rude Hyein.”
“She’s right, you are a terrible liar,” Haerin chimed in, startling Hanni.
“When did you get here?” Hanni looked over at Haerin, who had appeared on the other side of her.
“Wow, Hanni, you’re really out of it today. Haerin’s been next to you this whole time.”
Had she really? “...oh,” Hanni looked down, feeling a bit embarrassed.
“Yeah, you would’ve noticed if you weren’t too busy trying to kill Minji with your eyes,” Haerin looked over to where Minji and Dani were standing.
“Kill Minji with my eyes? You guys are so ridiculous—”
“You know your ‘Minji face’ isn’t really that intimidating. You should lose the pout,” Haerin continued, ignoring Hanni’s protest.
“Hmm, I don’t know, I think it works well enough. Minji always does whatever Hanni says,” Hyein countered.
“That’s just because Minji’s a scaredy cat.”
“She doesn’t do whatever I say,” Hanni refuted weakly, the words sounded unconvincing even to her.
“Hah! Good one,” Haerin practically laughed in Hanni’s face. “Minji’s like–programmed to obey you.”
Hanni scoffed, shaking her head as the two girls continued laughing at her.
“Yeah, she always follows you around like a puppy hoping for treats,” Hyein giggled.
Well she definitely won’t be getting treats from me anytime soon if she keeps this avoidance game up, Hanni thought bitterly. These girls really knew how to poke her buttons.
“But, you know,” Hyein’s giggles slowed to a stop. “Minji’s acting kind of weird today. Most of the time you only have to give Minji that face once and she behaves right away. I’ve seen you shoot that look at her like 20 times in the past 5 minutes and she still hasn’t stopped whatever it is that’s bugging you,” Hyein tapped her chin, thinking. “Maybe she didn’t see you? Yeah, I bet that’s it. Now that I think about it, she hasn’t looked here at all. Huh—now that’s pretty odd, don’t you think?...Minji’s usually always looking at you–hey, where are you going? Hanni, I wasn’t done talking!”
Hyein’s monologue was cut off by Hanni suddenly standing, storming off to the other side of the room, where Minji and Dani were still talking and laughing.
“What’s her issue? Did I say something wrong?” Hyein pouted, confused.
Haerin shrugged, “I don’t think so. Something’s definitely up, she’s weird today, too.”
On a normal day, Hanni would feel bad for how suddenly she left the conversation, but today wasn’t normal at all. It hadn’t even been a full day, but Hanni was still certain this was the longest Minji had ever gone without speaking to her; the girl is supposed to be glued to her side! Hearing Haerin and Hyein go on about how doting and attentive Minji usually is only added to her current frustration, it was the last bit of pressure she needed to snap. All day long she’s been setting her pride aside for the sake of Minji’s feelings, making a complete fool of herself trying to capture her attention. Her best friend had never been one for confrontations and awkward conversations, so Hanni tried to make it easy for her by being the first to reach out and break the ice. She’d practically been chasing her around with a red flashing sign that says “look at me look at me!” but Minji couldn’t even spare a glance in her direction. Enough is enough, Hanni thought as she marched over, ready to confront Minji.
Minji and Dani looked up as Hanni approached them, their chatter coming to a stop. Hanni could see the way Minji’s face fell as she got close, and the nerves started to settle in. The anger and determination that had fueled her decision to confront Minji were suddenly nowhere to be found as Hanni came face to face with the object of her frustration. Too late to turn back now. Hanni fiddled with the sleeves of her shirt as the two girls looked at her, waiting for an explanation to the interruption. Come on, Hanni, be assertive, be intimidating.
“Um, Minji,” Hanni started nervously. Well so much for intimidating. “Could we talk? Please?” Hanni looked up at Minji, batting her eyelashes, giving her a sad, pleading face. If she couldn’t be intimidating, then maybe acting cute would work—it always did.
Minji sighed, stopping just short of rolling her eyes, “I’m kinda in the middle of a conversation here, Hanni.”
Hanni’s previous apprehension immediately dissolved at Minji’s standoffish behaviour. Hanni couldn’t believe Minji was still trying to brush her off, especially with Danielle standing right there, witnessing the whole thing.
“Kim Minji,” she said sternly as she stepped forward into Minji’s space, forcing her to look at her. “I need to talk to you.”
Danielle looked back and forth between the two girls, unsure how to handle the awkward tension.
“Did you hear that? I think Haerin just called me,” Dani laughed nervously and rubbed the back of her neck. “Um, yeah, soooo…I’m gonna like–-go now,” she quickly made her escape, joining Hyein and Haerin, who were not-so-subtly watching from the other side of the room.
“Well? I’m listening,” Minji crossed her arms, she seemed impatient. “What did you want to talk about?”
“About what happened last night and stuff.”
“What about last night?”
Is she for real? “You know what,” Hanni rolled her eyes. “About how we kissed—”
“Are you out of your mind?” Minji whispered angrily, stopping her from continuing that sentence. She nervously glanced back to where the other girls were standing, before grabbing Hanni’s arm and dragging her out of the room, into the hallway. “Look, I don’t think there’s much that needs to be said. It’s not a big deal.”
Minji was looking at the floor, leaning stiffly against the wall opposite Hanni.
“Well, yeah sure, but I mean you like—freaked out afterwards so I just wanted to make sure everything’s okay with us.” Hanni stepped closer to Minji, trying to make eye contact.
“Chill out, we’re good. Why wouldn’t we be?” she finally looked up, meeting Hanni’s gaze. Her face was completely neutral, showing no emotion, but her body language betrayed her—her arms were crossed, fingers gripping her own arms so tightly that Hanni thought she’d cut off circulation, and her posture was uncharacteristically slouched, as if she were trying to make herself smaller.
“You’ve been avoiding me all day, clearly things aren’t all fine.”
“Hanni, you’re reading too much into this.” Minji sighed, once again looking away.
She sounded so distant, detached. The cold dismissal should’ve offended Hanni, but it only worked as confirmation that something was wrong. Hanni had never seen her act like this, it was worrying.
“Minji, are you okay?” Hanni reached out, hoping to comfort her, but realizing just how uncomfortable Minji looked, she stopped halfway and left her hand hovering awkwardly in the air.
“Stop making this a whole thing, I’m fine, Hanni. We’re fine,” her voice raised.
“If we’re fine then why are you acting like this?”
“I’m not acting like anything, okay?” Minji was nearly yelling at this point, breathing heavily. She was visibly losing her temper. Pushing off the wall, she looked down at Hanni, stepping toward her. Hanni would almost be glad to see her finally show some emotion if she weren’t a little scared by the deep furrow in Minji’s brow and the tense clenching of her jaw. Intimidated, Hanni took a small step back. A tired scoff left Minji’s mouth, “God, you’re always so sensitive. I don’t get why you’re being so dramatic over this.”
“Oh, I’m dramatic?” Hanni laughed. Minji was being ridiculous, she couldn’t just stand there and take it. “I’m not the one who had a whole breakdown over a stupid kiss!”
Hanni watched as Minji’s face dropped and all the color drained from her skin. She looked truly mortified, her hurt and embarrassment clear as day.
“Oh shit, Minji, I didn’t mean that,” she carefully placed a hand on Minji’s arm. “I’m so sorry, I just—”
“Just stop it, Hanni,” she shrugged Hanni’s hand off her arm. “You’re right. I overreacted. It was just a stupid kiss. So let’s just forget about it, okay? It never happened.”
“What? Minji, no, I didn’t mean—”
“I mean it, Hanni. Let it go.” Her tone was resolute, final, leaving no room for argument and Hanni had no choice but to concede.
Minji turned and went back into the practice room. Hanni could hear the music start back up on the speakers, playing so loud she could feel the bass through the floor.
“Alright! Break’s over, let’s get back to work!” Minji clapped her hands as Hanni reentered the room.
Her voice was loud and bright as usual, as if the whole confrontation had never happened. But Hanni knew her better. She could see how the tips of Minji’s ear were still red, and how antsy she looked, bouncing on her heels like her body was holding more energy than it could handle. Hanni felt terrible knowing she was the reason Minji was worked up like that. If Minji didn’t want to talk to her before then she definitely wouldn’t want to after the conversation they just had.
It was late when Hanni returned home. Her shoot had run long and she was utterly exhausted. Her whole body ached. It could’ve been from her recent lack of sleep, or that she hadn’t been eating much lately, or that her schedule was packed. But no, she knew it was this thing with Minji that was wearing her out. It had been 5 days since their conversation in the hallway, and things had only gotten worse. Minji was still ignoring her, and Hanni stopped making an effort to reach out to her. They had never been in a fight like this before, all their previous disagreements were always quickly resolved and never too serious. This cold war between them was completely new territory. Hanni had never gone a day without speaking to Minji since she was 14, and now they were acting like strangers.
She had no idea how to approach Minji again after their argument. Part of her was too embarrassed to try again after how disastrous the last time went. Another part of her felt guilty for pushing Minji into a conversation when she clearly didn’t want to talk. But mostly, she still felt angry at Minji. The girl had never spoken to her so harshly before, and it bugged her how unbothered by everything Minji seemed. She kept carrying on, like nothing was wrong at all. She laughed with the other girls and worked hard as ever at rehearsal, looking full of energy like Hanni’s distance had no effect on her at all. Hanni, on the other hand, couldn’t hide her feelings. She was a mess during rehearsal—missing steps, falling out of formation, failing to hit notes she usually nailed—all because she’d been so distracted thinking about Minji. She would give anything to be able to read Minji’s mind right now. She had so many questions running through her head. Did I take the kiss too far? Do I make Minji uncomfortable? Did I gross her out? Did I pressure Minji into it? Have I ruined our relationship forever? Does she hate me? Does she—
“Right? I love this one,” Danielle’s voice echoed through the apartment, interrupting her spiral.
Hanni hadn’t expected anyone to still be up. She made her way into the dorm, following Dani’s voice, finding her in the living room. Hanni was surprised to see Dani wasn’t the only one still up—Minji was with her too. They were giggling together on the couch over something playing on the TV.
Hanni dropped her bag down on the dining table, alerting the girls of her arrival. Minji glanced briefly in her direction before focusing back on the TV. Danielle greeted her with a smile.
“How was your shoot?”
“It was fine. I feel pretty good about it,” Hanni said as she got a good look at the way the two girls were sitting. Minji had an arm slung around Dani, who was leaning into her side. The sight made Hanni’s chest tighten. “What are you guys still doing up,” she asked, barely managing to conceal her displeasure.
“Minji wanted to watch a movie after dinner,” Danielle answered, not noticing Hanni’s upset. She continued talking, going into detail about their dinner, but Hanni had stopped listening. She had checked out at the mention of Minji, too focused on her to hear anything else. She looked so comfortable with her arm around Dani, fingers absent-mindedly playing with the ends of her hair. A week ago, it would’ve been her in Minji’s arms. Now she was holding someone else, doing their thing with someone else. Am I that easy to replace? Hanni asked herself. Did Minji really not miss her at all? Hanni had been miserable all week, desperate to get her friend back. But it seemed her ‘best-friend’ didn’t feel the same, she already had someone else.
“Hanni? Hanni, are you listening?” Hanni was snapped out of her thoughts by the sound of name being called.
“What?” She met Danielle’s concerned gaze.
“You weren’t answering me. Are you alright? You seem super spaced out,” Dani pouted.
“I’m okay. Just had a long week,” she said, aiming the words at Minji, who, unsurprisingly, still wasn’t looking at her.
“Aww, I’m sorry. Have you eaten yet? There’s leftovers in the fridge if you want,”
“No thanks. I’m not very hungry,” Minji’s hand in Dani’s hair stilled for a moment at that. It was easy to miss, but Hanni noticed anyway. Of course she did, she hadn’t stopped watching Minji since she got home. “Enjoy your movie.” Hanni took one last look at Minji and then she turned and headed to her room, not wanting to see the two together any longer.
Hanni sighed as she turned over in bed for the hundredth time. Despite being thoroughly drained, she couldn’t fall asleep.
Her stomach grumbled, cutting through the silence of her bedroom. Damn, I should’ve taken Dani up on that leftovers offer. Reluctantly, she flicked on her bedside lamp and got out of bed, planning to find something to eat. She padded across the room and opened her door. She was very surprised to find Minji standing right outside her room, hand raised like she was just about to knock.
“Oh,” was all Hanni could muster. She stared at Minji for a moment, confused. Minji stared right back at her, just as shocked. Hanni broke their staring contest first, opening the door wider and stepping aside, signaling Minji to come inside.
Minji timidly entered the room, walking carefully like she was scared she’d break something. She looked around, taking interest in the decorations that covered Hanni’s walls. She had been in this room a million times before but still curiously observed every small detail, as if checking that everything was still the same.
“Is that for me?” Hanni pointed to a white plastic shopping bag Minji was holding. Minji glanced at it, nervously twisting her fingers in its handles.
“Oh, um,” she gulped. “I know you said you weren’t hungry but you should still eat something.” She placed the bag on Hanni’s desk and pulled out the contents.
“Mint chocolate chip ice cream…real healthy dinner you’ve brought me, Kim.” Hanni said sarcastically. Still, she opened the ice cream and made her way to her bed, sitting on the floor beside it. She watched as Minji remained by her desk and fiddled with her hands. She looked like a kicked puppy. How could Hanni stay mad at her when she looked like that?
“Minji,” Hanni called softly and pat the space next to her, inviting Minji to sit. Minji sat down beside her, leaving a respectable amount of space between them.
Hanni knew that the ice cream was Minji’s way of extending an olive branch between the two of them. Minji always brought her something sweet when she was feeling sad. It was something that had started way back in their trainee days, when Hanni would cry about missing home and Minji would sit beside her, holding her hand the whole time. It comforted Hanni to know that even when they weren’t on the best of terms, Minji was still the same girl who would hold her hand and buy her ice cream when she was upset.
“It’s melted,” Hanni said as she took a bite.
“Oh. I was standing out there for a while, I was kinda scared to knock,” she laughed bashfully. “…do you want a new one? I’ll go buy you a new one.” Minji turned, beginning to stand up.
“No, no, it’s okay,” Hanni grabbed Minji’s arm and pulled her back down. “Stay.”
Minji sat back down, still leaving a gap between them, but a smaller one.
“I’m sorry,” Minji suddenly bursted out.
“About the ice cream? Minji, it’s not that melted, I still like it, see—”
“No, not the ice cream,” she looked down and took a deep breath in, hyping herself up. Hanni couldn’t help but smile a little at how hard Minji was trying. She wasn’t the best at expressing herself through words, but she was still giving her best effort, just for Hanni. “I’m sorry, Hanni. For everything. I was such a jerk. I shouldn’t have avoided you like that. It was immature of me. And I’m sorry for calling you dramatic. I was acting weird and you were right to call it out.”
“I forgive you,” Hanni thought she’d make her grovel a bit more, but Minji looked so nervous and sounded so sincere, it was impossible not to forgive her right away. “And I’m sorry too. I was being confrontational and I know you don’t like that, and I also said some not-so-nice things. And, about the kiss, I really didn’t intend for it to go as far as it did, so if I made you feel uncomfortable or pressured or coerced, I’m really, truly sorry.”
“Hanni, you didn’t make me feel uncomfortable, you never could,” she sounded so certain that it made Hanni feel silly for even being worried in the first place. Still, she wanted to be sure that wasn’t the issue.
“If you weren’t uncomfortable, then can I ask why you freaked out like that?”
“Well,” she started. She was picking at the skin around her thumb, probably trying to calm her nerves. Seeing this, Hanni reached over and grabbed her hand. “I guess, as the oldest, I feel a responsibility to protect you all, you know? Lead by example, keep you safe and all that. And I don’t know…when we were kissing, I got lost in the moment and I wasn’t really thinking, but then you made that sound—because of me—and it snapped me back into reality and suddenly I was extremely aware of what I was doing to you. I mean, I’m supposed to be a good influence and I had my hand on your–your you know,” Minji gestured vaguely to Hanni’s chest, too flustered to say it out loud. “So I panicked. And then after that I was too embarrassed to face you and I wasn’t ready to talk about it so I avoided you and you know all the rest.”
Hanni let out a little sigh of relief hearing this. She had worried herself sick thinking Minji hated her, when in reality she was just being typical Minji—taking on too much responsibility and stubbornly trying to carry it all by herself.
“Minji, the kiss was my idea and I think helping me with it was you being a good leader and protecting me. You were just taking care of me like you always do. And you didn’t do anything I didn’t want you to do, I was equally responsible for the position we ended up in. So I don’t want you to worry about that either, okay? I’m serious, you always put so much pressure on yourself, don’t add this to the weight on your shoulders, Kim Minji,” she stuck her pointer finger to Minji’s forehead, as if she were trying to physically drill the point into her mind. “You’re still the best leader. In fact, I’d say kissing me gave you bonus leader-points. Now you’re like the bestest leader.”
“The bestest?” Minji laughed at the new title.
“Yeah, the bestest,” Hanni asserted. She rested her head on Minji’s shoulder and looped an arm through hers.
“I really am sorry for ignoring you,” Minji leaned her head on top of Hanni’s. “I missed you.”
“Good, I missed you too.” Hanni nuzzled into Minji’s shoulder.
“Yeah, I can tell,” Minji giggled.
“Hey! We have a whole week of quality time to make up for, I’m just getting my headstart.”
“Speaking of quality time, I uh, actually had an idea.”
“What kind of idea,” that caught Hanni’s interest. She lifted her head to look at Minji.
“I thought more about what we talked about, the whole ‘missing out on our teen movie experiences’ thing, and a lot of those things are pretty doable, like getting drunk or going on a date. I was thinking we could just—do them together? It could be like a challenge or something. Or not. It doesn’t sound that cool now that I’m saying it out loud,” she rambled on self-consciously. It was funny how Minji could have a through-the-roof ego and perform in front of thousands of people but still get nervous over something small like this. Hanni giggled fondly at her.
“No, that sounds fun. Let’s do it,” she cut off Minji’s anxious chatter and pat her hands. “Our ‘teen movie’ bucket list.”
“Bucket list. I like that,” Minji exhaled happily. “We can already cross ‘first kiss’ off the list. What else should we do?”
This was Hanni’s area of expertise. She had seen countless coming of age movies and already had a lot of ideas that she would consider essential teenage experiences. Grabbing a notebook from her desk, she sat with Minji as they listed off their ideas.
After careful deliberation, they were able to come up with a solid list.
“Alright, ‘Minji and Hanni’s Bucket List: get drunk, go on a date, go to a party, sneak out, drive a car.’ Seems like a good list to me,” Minji read their list out loud.
“Are you sure skinny dipping can’t make the cut?”
“Hanni.” Minji shot her a scolding glare.
“What? I think it’d be fun,” Hanni laughed.
“Not gonna happen.”
“Ugh, fine. Is there anything else you want to add?”
“Hmm, no,” Minji shook her head. “But if we think of anything else we can always add it later.”
“I’ll definitely think of more things to add. I’m so excited. I wish we could get started right now.”
“Patience, Pham,” Minji chided as she stood and stretched her arms over her head. “Now that that’s done, wanna go get some real food? That ice cream is probably soup by now.”
“I thought you’d never ask.”