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“Hey, what’re you doing today?” Dick hugged Roy’s neck from behind. Their rooming situation was nauseating. Four men in one house? There’s an air of stink that Roy has to dunk under if he wants to enter through the front door. It’s insane.
But, like most men living in the 21st century, he had nothing to do. He’s an outlier because he doesn’t play video games and he also doesn’t have a job. He keeps himself busy by watching tv. He’s on One Piece right now because he doesn’t have to actively watch it and it deters everyone from hanging out in the living room. “Nothing, why?”
“I said I’d help Jason out but I totally forgot that I have something else to do. Don’t ask what,” He put a finger on Roy’s mouth. “Can you watch him for a bit?”
“Isn’t he 20?” Roy leaned his head back to make eye contact.
“Listen,” Dick started. “He called me saying he wanted to hang out, cool, then he said he wanted to make it so Bruce had no idea what we were doing, double cool. Little did I know he’s coming for an abortion. All cool, power to him, that’s just deeper than I want to go. So… yeah, you down?”
They stared at each other for a moment. A long, long moment. “No.”
“Please!” The younger man dropped to his knees dramatically. “Roy, I won’t ask you for anything else. I’ll do all the chores, I’ll cook, I’ll clean. I’ll even suck your toes, man.”
Roy seriously did not want to do this. He hadn’t seen Jason since the boy was a kid. This was going to be the most awkward reunion in the history of reunions. “Watch a season of One Piece with me.”
“My god, Roy, do you want me to kill myself?”
“He looped you into this too?” Roy hopped in the car with one of his roommates, Wally. Against all odds, Dick had agreed to watch a season of One Piece just to have Roy do this for him. He didn’t know how he was going to explain the plot, he didn’t know it himself. He also didn’t know how he was going to face a twenty year old pregnant.
Wally pulled out, bobbing his head like he had a jolly tune in his head. “This is going to make Dick in love with me.” He said like he was sure.
This is a part of Wally’s year-long campaign to get with the most oblivious man ever. Roy would rather eat sandpaper then wash it down with a dry biscuit than actively pursue Dick Grayson. It’s never gonna happen. “You don’t think this is awkward?”
“No. We’re just picking Jason up from the airport and taking him to his doctor’s appointment tomorrow. It’s easy.” Wally glanced over. “What? Don’t tell me you’re closed minded? This is a new dawn, a new day, and we’re gonna be there for Jason when he gets his abortion.”
“Oh come on, it’s not about that.” Ray laid his head on the window, watching the buildings go by. For the first time in his entire stay in Blüdhaven, he saw the Planned Parenthood. It was flashing at him. Basically in stripes like it was Waldo of Where’s Waldo fame. “It’s just that I haven’t seen him since he was in middle school. Like, I can’t imagine blushy cheeked Jason getting knocked up–”
“Ah,” Wally cut him off swiftly. “Lets not think of it like that, it’s a doctor’s appointment for our very good friend, Dick’s younger brother.”
“Dick’s not gonna let you hit.”
Wally’s calm demeanor switched the second those words left Roy’s mouth. “Yes he is!”
“No,”
“Yes!” They were yelling over each other in unison. Neither point was getting into the other’s dead. The mix of the radio, yelling, and outside noises left the car unbearable.
“I’m gonna be deep in that ass, trust me!” Wally gave a final huff. “Step thirty-eight is just to be supportive. And oh buddy oh pal I am the most supportive out there. I even made a welcome poster.”
Roy looked back and saw the mess of colors. It read, “Welcome To Blüdhaven Little Wing!” A stupid nickname only the friends of an annoying older brother could come up with. Technically they didn’t create the nickname but best believe they ran it into the mud. “He’ll love that.”
Wally excitedly held the poster up with the biggest grin he could manage. Roy sat on the bench next to him, refreshing Jason’s flight on the flight tracker he had downloaded just for this. They were the closest, ready to wave Jason over.
“What the shit?” Jason looked very different. If Roy didn’t know Bruce all that well he would have assumed that he abused Jason. No way is this the same boy that was three apples tall with the curliest of hair. Clearly this wasn’t him. “Did I die and go to daywalker hell? Where’s Richard?”
Wally and Roy looked at each other. Wally cleared his throat. “Jason?”
“Yeah?” Jason obnoxiously mocked Wally’s confused tone.
“Uh,” The ginger gulped. “Are you ready for the Blüdhaven experience?”
“I’m ready to kill this fetus.” Jason tilted his head with his taunting smile. “Can we get burgers or something?”
“No.” Roy took initiative in this tense situation. “We’re broke.”
“Fucking losers.”
Jason was kicking the back of Roy’s seat. Some kicks were soft, others shoving him into the windshield. This was all in protest of the two of them not stopping to get him a burger. “Okay can you stop!” The redhead snapped his head back.
“I will when you get me my burger.” The younger’s voice rose throughout the sentence. He sat up to snatch the hat off of Roy’s head, placing it on his own with a newly content smirk.
Wally cleared his throat. “Roy can make a mean burger.”
“I’m sure he can.” Jason grumbled. “Fatass.”
Roy silently seethed in the passenger’s seat. Wally gave a silent nod for help. They weren’t scared of the pregnant boy behind them. No way. They were just momentarily not reacting in fear of retaliation. Not fear but intense worry. Who in their right mind would fuck such a frightening individual. God bless them.
Wally picked up on Roy’s thoughts, nodding along. A second ginger sense maybe. “So, Jason, who’s the father?”
“Your dad.”
Wally almost swerved off the road. “What?”
“Kidding, it’s none of your business. It’s none of my business. I don’t even know.”
Wally opened the door for Jason. The boy wasn’t even that pregnant, he didn’t even walk with a hobble. Jason laid on the couch expectantly.
“Even though your appointment is tomorrow I figured we could kick back, watch some movies, maybe even order a pizza if our budget allows it.” The ginger set his knuckles on his hips.
“It doesn’t.” Roy whispered. Their rent increased that month and Dick bought a treadmill with an incline. Their pockets were more shallow than a puddle left by rainfall.
Jason rolled his eyes. He couldn’t care less about their financial situation, he was only there for two days anyways. “I want a triple cheeseburger with bacon.”
Roy leaned in, hands on his knees. “Do you have triple cheeseburger with bacon money?”
“Clearly you don’t.”
Roy jumped forward with a ready fist, Wally had to drag him into the kitchen. Jason stayed with the most shit eating grin ever.
Jason Todd is no longer a sweet boy. He is the devil and the baby in his belly is the antichrist. Rosemary’s Baby type beat.
Roy made three patties. Jason’s was the smallest as a small ‘fuck you’ to the little prick. The asshole was still wearing his hat. He’d have to mourn it as he doubted Jason would ever give it back. Jerk.
“Thank you for the meal, Roy.” Wally looked over at Jason to prompt him to do the same. Jason only prodded at the burger.
Roy’s eye twitched. He wanted to strangle the ungrateful asshat sitting next to him. He had the gall to be a jerk after Wally just put together the kitchen table for them? Did he not know how dirty the table was an hour ago? “Thank you for saying thank you, Wally.” He too looked at Jason.
“Pass me the ketchup.” Jason burped in Wally’s direction.
Wally grimaced but kept a strained smile. “I think there’s a nicer way to say that.”
“I can’t get it, I’m handicapped.” The pregnant boy huffed. “Can you please move your daywalking hands to grab me the ketchup. Thank you.”
He had had it. Roy slammed his hands on the table, standing up. “You are so ungrateful! We’ve fed you, housed you, and we’re taking you to get an abortion! The least you could do is muster up a quant ‘thank you’!”
Jason copied him, bolstering up. “I hate you two! I wish Dick was here! I want Dick to walk me into the clinic not you pathetic fucks!”
The redhead scoffed and began to pace, eyes squeezed in irritation. Wally stood up to meet him on the other side of the table, holding him away from Jason. “Who fucked you, Jason!” Roy yelled. “Who have you damned with your demonic pu–” Wally dragged him away before he could finish his lament.
Dick thankfully returned later in the evening. Clearly some brother bonding was in order. Roy left his room to greet the ever distant roommate. Only to see Jason bent over sobbing. Dick looked back at Roy, then Jason did the same. The little shit revealed a smile.
“Did you make my brother cry?” Dick yelled. Jason went back to the over the top crying noises while staring dead at Roy.
“Hold on, Dick, let me explain!” But it was too late. Roy was already getting charged at.