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"Okay, boys. Would you rather--"
Troy Barrett groaned. "Oh god, not this fucking game again..."
"Quiet, Barrett. This isn't going to be as bad as last time," Zane Boodram assured him.
"To be fair, that's what you said last time and it was our most heated debate yet," Wyatt Hayes pointed out with a laugh.
Bood ignored them, looking at the list on his phone. "We'll start simple, okay? Would you rather... hop everywhere, or skip everywhere?"
Shane was uncharacteristically the first to answer. "Skipping is probably easier on my knees. Wait, does this include while we're skating, or is skating exempt?"
"Skipping is probably easier for skating's sake, but neither is ideal."
"Figure skaters hop on the ice just fine," Luca Haas pointed out and was quickly ganged up on.
"Figure skaters fucking jump, bro!" LaPointe laughed.
"Anyone who picks hopping should put their money where their mouth is next practice," Holmberg said as he playfully shoved Luca's shoulder.
Evan Dykstra scoffed. "Imagine trying to explain that in a presser? Like 'Haas is out with a lower body injury sustained before the game because he thought he was a bunny rabbit."
"Oh! 'Haas' actually does mean rabbit!"
"Petition to start calling Haasy 'bunny' instead!" Wyatt raised his hand.
Luca looked around as the rest of their teammates also raised their hands. "Wait, wait, wait!"
"Sorry, Bunny. The team has spoken." Bood snickered. "Okay, next question -- would you rather sleep for a whole year straight, or not sleep at all for a year?"
"Not sleeping for a year would kill you," said Wyatt.
"Yeah, but if you slept for a solid year you would starve to death," Dykstra argued. "Unless it's like, 'coma rules' or something? Do I get a feeding tube? If I do, then that's a no-brainer."
Wyatt considered that angle. "True, but there's no equivalent solution to being awake. There's no such thing as a 'sleeping tube' last I checked."
"Yeah, but bro, I could get so much done if I never had to sleep," Tanner Dillon said with a wistful smile. "I would be unstoppable!"
"Yeah, maybe you could even score a fucking goal once in a while," Bood teased.
"Dillon, my guy, google 'Fatal Familial Insomnia'," Wyatt told him. "Without sleep, you basically just end up hallucinating and shit until you die. You can't even be put under to fix it because it's a prion thing, so even when you're unconscious, it doesn't change what's actually going on."
"What the fuck is a prion?" Ilya asked. Shane shrugged, also unsure.
"Hey, Dilly? Don't google it. I just did and what the actual fuck? New fear fucking unlocked, boys." Bood shuddered. "Let's move on. Would you rather smell like feet or smell like eggs?"
"No fair! Holmberg already smells like both!"
"Hey! Fuck you, Pointer!" The rookies started squabbling.
"Eggs, hands down. Eggs are fucking delicious," Dykstra said matter-of-factly.
"Some guys would describe feet the same way, I'm sure. That's-- that's not an admission of anything, by the way. That's just me unfortunately knowing about the existence of the 'WikiFeet' website."
Ilya grinned. "Sure, Wyatt."
"I'm serious!" Wyatt groaned miserably as everyone whooped. "Next question please, Bood."
Bood laughed. "This list was clearly not made for hockey players... Would you rather wear the same socks for a month, or the same underwear for a week?"
"Is it playoffs?" Troy asked.
"Exactly. Okay, would you rather work an overtime shift with your annoying boss or spend full day with your mother-in-law?"
"How is this a question?" Ilya scoffed. "I love my mother-in-law. I feel lucky when I can spend a full day with her!"
Shane smiled. He loved how much Ilya loved his parents, almost as much as knowing they loved Ilya right back. "He's done that multiple times already. Since before we got married, even."
"We have whole spa day planned in two weeks!" Ilya held up his phone to show the event in his calendar as proof.
Dykstra nodded in agreement. "Yeah, miss me with the 'evil mother-in-law' bullshit. My mother-in-law is a fucking gem."
Coach Wiebe turned around in his seat with a wry grin. "Is the 'annoying boss' in this scenario supposed to be me?"
"Nah, you're delightful," Wyatt assured him.
"I agree! Would you like to come to spa day with Yuna and me?" Ilya called over to him.
"What's all included?"
Ilya shrugged. "The usual. You know, mani-pedis, hot stone massage, face masks with little cucumber slices on our eyes..."
"Count me in!" Coach Wiebe laughed. "I'm kidding. Enjoy your family time, but if you recommend the place I think I might take my wife there."
"I will text you the details."
Troy cleared his throat. "...I can also recommend a spa place if you're looking for somewhere really, like, romantic. I can't remember the name off the top of my head, but--" Troy saw the grin on Ilya's face getting wider and knew a chirp was coming. "Shut up, Ilya."
"HarrisCanRecommendSameRomanticPlace!" Ilya said before ducking out of the way of Troy's empty paper coffee cup.
"I'll text Harris." Coach Wiebe smirked and turned back around.
"Okay, slight change of pace! A couples lightning round in honour of our newlyweds! Rozzy, Hollzy, you're up!" Bood announced. "Would you rather be the couple that everyone is jealous of, or the couple everyone wants to be friends with?"
"Friends, right?" Shane said with a little smile.
Ilya scoffed at Bood. "Another nonsense question. We are already both."
"Fair enough. Would you rather be a power business couple or a famous movie star couple?"
"Can hockey count as the 'business' in this situation? Because if it does, then I think that answer is obvious."
"Shane already knows half about movie star couples, anyway." Ilya teased his now-glaring husband.
"Hey can we pause game for a minute?" Dykstra asked. "Because I'm actually dying to know more about that whole situation."
"Me too."
"Nope! Next question, Bood?" Shane asked while Ilya cackled.
"Would you rather your significant other read your diary from when you were a teen, or your texts about them to your friends?"
Shane shrugged. "Texts, I guess? I've never had a diary. I was always so worried a friend or someone would read it."
"Read my diary. Please!" Ilya's laughter started up another round. "Please, Shane. It would be such a good practice for your Russian studies!"
"I'm shit at the reading and writing still," Shane admitted with a chuckle.
Bood looked at his phone for the next question to ask. "Uh-oh. Hopefully you're on the same page for this next one... Would you rather have kids or travel the globe?"
"Kids," Ilya and Shane both answered immediately, much to Bood's -- and everyone else's -- relief.
"Oh, thank fuck! It would have been insane if you got married without ever discussing that," Nick Chouinard said as he laughed.
"My brother-in-law did that with his first marriage. He's now happily remarried to someone he did have the convo with and they have their first baby on the way."
"My sister did that too -- she's now happily single and childfree," said Dykstra.
"Okay, last question in our newlyweds round!" Bood announced. "Would you rather your partner be best friends with your ex, or best friends with their ex?"
Shane laughed and dropped his forehead against the seat in front of him. "Ilya, I just realized we're both best friends with our exes."
"I always knew it. You fucked Pike," Ilya chirped.
"Fuck off, don't go starting rumours. I was obviously talking about Rose," Shane replied, sounding much more amused than angered.
Wow, so this is an awkward way to find out I'm apparently not your best friend, Roz..." Troy teased. "Because despite the imaginations of some very, uh, enthusiastic fans, we've never..."
"Yes, you had big embarrassing heart eyes for Harris the whole time since you joined the team. Even if I wasn't with Shane for years already it would be impossible." Ilya snickered. "Besides, 'best friend' is a tier, not one person. Also, I don't even know if Svetlana counts as my ex. She is more like... childhood best friend I lost virginity with."
Evan Dykstra shrugged. "Meh, virginity is a social construct, anyway."
"What was the question again? Did we even answer it?" Shane asked.
"It was whether you'd rather your hubby was best friends with your ex or his own."
"I think both are fine. We would maybe also be best friends with each other's exes if we saw them more. We are regular friends already, either way," Ilya decided, and Shane nodded in agreement.
"Okay, that's the end of our newlywed lightning round! I think you were pretty well aligned, for the big stuff at least. I have high hopes for you crazy kids."
"Thanks, Bood." If anyone else on the team noticed the way Ilya's hand found Shane's in the space between their seats, they chose to keep it to themselves.
"Okay, the rest of you assholes look alive, the group round is back! Would you rather be forced to live the same day over and over again for a full year, or take 3 years off the end of your life?"
Wyatt brought a hand up to his chin. "Hm... Do I get to pick the day?"
"Also, would I know what my last three years I'd be giving up would be like?" Chouinard asked.
"Oh, shit. That's a good point," Bood replied. "Gentlemen, present your arguments."
Wyatt spoke first. "I just feel like... there's always some kinda twist to this shit, you know? Like, if I could pick a day, I'd probably pick my wedding day-- wait, no. Scratch that. I'd pick the day after my wedding day, because weddings are exhausting nightmares. But if this is some curse-type thing, then I'd probably be forced to relive my worst day over and over again, which is just... a big ol' nope for me."
"What if it was a completely average, uneventful day?"
"That deal I would take, hands down. I'd 'Groundhog Day' the hell out of it and learn to play the piano or the tuba or something." Wyatt laughed.
"Chouinard, your thoughts?"
"Hazy touched on it a bit with the 'worst day' stuff, actually. I'd need to know what my last three years were because like..." Chouinard looked around the plane. "Fuck it, I'll just say it. A lot of us nearly fucking died last year. So it makes a massive difference if I know I'm choosing dying at 94 instead of 97, versus like, three years before something like the plane going down and now one of my kids doesn't even exist."
"Jesus christ!" Dykstra practically shouted.
"Thanks, buddy. I managed to forget for ten whole minutes about that," Wyatt said miserably.
"That's the entire reason I even wanted to play this game," Bood said with a groan. "To keep things light-hearted and diatracting."
"Then maybe don't ask us to literally question our mortality!" Chouinard argued. "My point is, these questions are too vague. Too many variables. If I can relive a great or even neutral day -- I'm in. If the options are reliving my worst day, or like, chopping off three CTE-full years of an otherwise long and happy life, then I think the choice is clear."
"Well, this took some fucking dark turns. Please tell me you have a silly one on that list," Wyatt said to Bood.
"Remember when you said this time wouldn't be as bad as last time, and Hazy pointed out that you said the same thing last time?" Luca asked.
"What's your point, Bunny?"
"Just checking..."
"Would you rather lose your sense of smell or your sense of taste?"
"I've spent my lifetime in locker rooms -- I've already lost my sense of smell," said Dillon.
"Losing your sense of smell would affect your sense of taste, though, right?" Troy asked.
"Jesus fucking christ, can we get through one question without debating it ten ways into the ground?" Boyle begged with a miserable groan.
Dykstra laughed. "You heard the man! No more debates allowed in this debating game!"
"Fuck off, Dicky."
"Would you rather have to dress fancy or in sweats -- no matter the situation -- for the rest of your life?"
A chorus of "sweats," rang out throughout the plane.
"I bet there are like, nice sweats you could get away with for weddings and funerals that people wouldn't even notice."
"Yeah, it's not like anyone actually pays attention to when a guy is wearing sweats anyway," Wyatt said with a shrug.
Ilya elbowed Shane and exchanged knowing looks with Troy, before all three of them burst out laughing.
"What? What's so funny? You all voted for sweats too."
"Nothing. This is the gayest team in MLH, but also it's still very straight sometimes," Ilya explained without actually explaining the sex appeal of a man in sweats. "Ask the next question, Bood. Everyone except Boyle wants to argue some more."
"Would you rather... give away all of your money, or all of your belongings?"
Ilya answered immediately. "Belongings. Easy."
"What about Anya?"
"All of her toys are her things, not mine. She would be fine."
"But doesn't she count as one of your belongings?" Dillon asked.
"Monster!" Ilya shouted. "No! She is my baby. What is wrong with you?!" He looked purely horrified by the idea that she was anything else. "Okay, fine. To be safe, I will give away all of my money. I can just use Shane's money. This is my retirement plan anyway."
"Oh my god, shut up!" Shane tried to sound exasperated by his husband, but his words still came out with laughter.
"Belongings, I guess?" LaPointe answered. "I don't have anything that important to me at this point in life that I couldn't just replace."
Wyatt grinned as he chimed in with, "Money, obviously. I'm married to a sexy doctor, sorry not sorry."
"And they'd have to pry your comic book collection from your cold dead hands."
"See? Hollzy gets me." Wyatt reached over the aisle and patted Shane on the shoulder.
Bood laughed before he could even ask the next one on his list. "Wait, what even is this question? Would you rather know what your pets think of you, or never hear them speak?"
Dykstra also burst into laughter. "Pets already can't speak. Fucking what?!"
"So it's basically, 'would you rather know what your pets think, or live a normal life'?" Shane clarified.
"Yeah, that's how I'm reading it at least," Bood answered with another hearty laugh.
I would want to know. I want to know what Chiron thinks of me," Troy admitted.
"Yes! Same. I also want to know what Chiron thinks of me," Ilya said eagerly.
Shane was less enthusiastic with his answer. "Actually, I don't think I want to know. I don't think I could handle it if I got verbal confirmation that Anya hated me."
"No, Shane. That's the wrong answer. Flawed premise. Anya loves you very much, she just loves me more," Ilya insisted.
"Parrots can speak," Luca answered out-of-the-blue.
"Holy shit. Do you have a parrot?" Bood asked him.
"No."
"Then why the hell would you even bring that up?" Holmberg teased him.
Young also chimed in. "Wait. My girlfriend has a rabbit. Can you translate for him, Bunny?"
Luca stared up at the ceiling. "Next question, Bood. Please!"
"Would you rather get a paper cut whenever you read a book, or bite your tongue at every meal?"
"Paper cuts, because then I would just read books on my kindle app. Problem solved!" Dykstra announced, proud of the loophole he'd discovered so quickly.
"Nah, I'm gonna say it still applies. E-books are still books, so your kindle gives you papercuts now," Bood decided, purely for the chaos.
"Fucking HOW?!"
"I'm still going with paper cuts," Chouinard said after some thought. "Because mouths are fucking bacteria nightmares and i feel like you're just tempting fate for something to go real wrong, real fast if you keep biting yourself."
"Is there a meal loophole where you just eat snacks instead?" Luca asked.
"No."
"I'm gonna pick biting my tongue," Holmberg decided. "Paper cuts are the worst."
You literally, actively have stitches right fucking now from catching the business end of a skate yesterday," Young pointed out.
"Yeah. And paper cuts are worse!"
"How is this our most controversial debate yet?" Troy asked out loud to nobody in particular.
"Moving on! Would you rather never eat your favorite meal ever again or have to eat your least favorite meal once a week?"
The team broke into various arguments, but one person was notably abstaining from the discussions.
"Roz, why so quiet? I thought this was the kind of thing you'd have unreasonably strong opinions about," Bood said quietly to him while the others carried on. It still caught the attention of a few teammates nearby.
"Ah, it's just..." Ilya shook his head. "My favourite meal is the pelmini my mother made, so I already can't have it ever again."
"Oh shit. Sorry."
"Fuck, I never thought about that before..." Troy raked a hand through his hair.
"It's like that thing about how one day you'll pick up your child for the last time and not even know it," LaPointe added.
"Fuck you, what? Why would you say that, Pointer? Now I feel even worse..." Dykstra stared off into the middle distance, contemplating the passage of time itself.
"Everyone shut up because I might actually cry," Bood, still a relatively new dad waved his hands to get the rest of the team's attention.
"Yeah, new question please! Make it a good one not some bullshit." Chouinard laughed.
"Okay... Would you rather have four arms or four legs?"
"Forearms?" One of the rookies asked.
"Bood, what the hell? We said pick a good one and this is the shit you picked?" Ilya chirped.
"Okay fine!" Bood laughed. "Would you rather be the worst player on a winning team, or the best player on a losing team?" He looked directly at Ilya for the second part of the question, expecting a cocky comment about how he had been there already before when he first signed with the Centaurs.
Ilya didn't bite. "We are all the best players on the best fucking team!" He shouted out and was met with cheers from the rest of his team. "...And also Tanner Dillon."
"Fuck you." Dillon chuckled.
"Okay, everyone. I found a new list for the adults only. Haasy and the other rooks, close your ears." Bood laughed. "Would you rather... watch a couple kiss for ten minutes straight, or watch a sex scene with your parents?"
"I've watched sex scenes with my parents. Who cares? We're all adults. And like, I know a fucking stork didn't bring me into this world..." Dykstra shrugged.
"Hm... Depends on the couple," Chouinard decided.
Ilya didn't miss a beat. "The couple is Troy and Harris!"
"What the fuck, bro?" Troy asked, a bit baffled about being thrown under the bus like that.
Wyatt started snickering. "We've all seen that already at every party!"
Troy couldn't help but chuckle as he admitted defeat. "Okay, yeah. My bad." He decided to turn the question around on his best friend. "What if the couple is Ilya and Hollzy?"
"Yes," Luca answered, despite the previous instructions for him to tune out this section.
"Obviously," Dykstra agreed.
"I mean, that's literally how we all found out you guys were an item," Wyatt said to Shane and Ilya.
"Sex scenes are shorter than ten minutes, so I pick that because it's quickest end to an awkward moment either way," said Chouinard.
"I get that sex is normal, but my parents aren't, so... witnessing a ten minute makeout, it is!" Dillon answered.
"Clarification -- Is it at a party or some place, or does the couple think they're alone in this scenario and I'm just some creep watching from the bushes?"
"...Which do you prefer, creep?"
"Fuck off."
"Okay yeah, wait. Think about it in the reverse for a second -- say you're just making out with someone... Who would want anyone watching them do that? Like, can you guarantee they would only see you kissing?"
While the rest of the Centaurs debated further, Ilya turned to Shane with a grin on his face. Just to make it extra clear that he was in the mood to tease Shane, Ilya also winked at him. "Fuck you, don't even start," Shane whispered to him.
"What? I've started nothing! I just want to know your answer to this reverse where someone watches us while we--"
"You know my fucking answer," Shane continued whispering.
"So, 'yes' then?"
"Fuck you."
Ilya grinned wider. "When we get to hotel room, or have you changed your mind about joining the Mile High Club?"
Shane took a deep breath, and closed his eyes to listen to the chaos of his new teammates. "...Hotel."
Ilya squeezed his hand and laughed. "You considered it."
"Shut up."
Bood moved onto the next question. "Would you rather be stranded on a deserted island with your ex or with your boss?" He was grinning at the back of Coach Wiebe's head before he even finished the question.
Coach Wiebe, as expected, cleared his throat. "I am selectively listening once again..."
"Boss."
"Boss."
"My ex."
"I'm benching you for the next game, Dillon." Coach Wiebe chuckled.
"Hey!" Dillon objected, only to be met with more laughter.
"I would pick boss, too," Luca answered.
"Kiss-ass."
Bood moved things along again. "Would you rather accidentally call your partner by your ex’s name during sex or have them do that to you?"
"Hollzy could get away with that so easily, actually." Chouinard laughed.
"Oh my god, you're right. Hey captain, are you 100% sure he hasn't been calling you Rose-anov this whole time?" Wyatt teased.
Shane slid down lower in his seat. "I hate all of this, thanks."
Secretly, though, Shane loved the teasing and chirps. It helped him feel like he belonged on this new team. He still caught himself sometimes feeling a stab of panic at the thought of 'what if they find out about Ilya?' before reality seeped in like a soothing balm. The Centaurs know about him and Ilya. They'd all come to their wedding, for christ's sake! This wasn't like the Metros where he had to walk on eggshells to hide that he was gay or in a relationship -- he was safe here. Maybe even loved by his new team? Not just for his talent, but for himself? The Centaurs were unlike any team Shane had ever played for before.
"--had this happen to me before, and honestly it's just hilarious," Wyatt answered.
"Really?" Shane asked, only 90% sure they were still discussing the same topic.
"Yeah!" Wyatt laughed. "I'm not worried, or threatened or whatever. Brains are just weird sometimes."
"Fuck, bro, that's so true. I got called 'ketchup' once because the mood hit while we were making our grocery list and she was trying not to forget about it!" Dykstra laughed heartily.
Dillon looked shocked. "I would take that one to my grave, personally. But you do you, bro."
"What did you do?" Troy asked Dykstra.
"I passed her the list and a pen so she could write it down, then laughed my ass off all over again in the ketchup aisle the next day."
"Okay boys, I found the perfect one for us..." Bood said through his chuckling. "Someone get a video of this for Harris. Would you rather... have sex with a centaur or a minotaur?"
"I don't think Harris can post that..." Troy said with a groan.
Shane nudged Ilya's arm. "Some of us already do that anyway..." he whispered.
"Hah!" Ilya planted a big kiss on Shane's cheek, but nobody seemed to notice or care. "I love you so fucking much..." he whispered in Shane's ear.
"Hotel," Shane reminded him.
"Wasn't the minotaur a dude?" Someone asked.
"I think centaurs are all dudes too, for the record."
"How did they make more centaurs then?"
"Don't try to apply logic or biology to Greek myths, my guy. That way lies madness," Wyatt replied.
"Fantasia had girl centaurs. I think they called them 'centaurettes' or some shit," Boyle answered.
"That's some Letterkenny hockey team logic right there. Remember how all the women's teams were called like, the 'Shamrockettes' and 'Bulldogettes'?"
Bood chuckled. "The 'Alouette-ettes' were my favourite."
"How the hell do you remember Fantasia, Boyle?"
Boyle shrugged. "Easy. It was the first time I saw boobs."
"Jesus fucking christ..."
"We're losing the plot here boys..." Bood reminded them. "Okay, minotaur versus centaur -- pros and cons, go!"
"This is fundamentally the same argument as the one about mermaids having a fish bottom or fish head," Wyatt started. "I don't want to kiss a cow, man."
"I get what you're saying, but I don't want to fuck a horse either."
Luca spoke up next. "I don't understand how the anatomy of a centaur even works, if I'm being honest. I think that's my biggest obstacle here."
"True. Why do girl-centaurs even have breasts? Wait-- Would a girl-minotaur have an udder?! Because actually that freaks me out in a really bad way. That's like, body horror shit or something."
"Let's just assume that the human halves have entirely human parts. But, I googled 'horse penises how big' and, uh..."
The whole plane errupted into laughter and chirps. "Why the fuck would you google that?!"
"Yeah, now you're gonna get instagram ads for horse cocks."
"I wanted to be inclusive of our gentleman-loving teammates!"
"That is very sweet, Bood. In worst way, but still sweet." Ilya patted him on the shoulder. "What did your search tell you?"
"Like, 20 inches, or 50 centimetres. So that's... a lot."
"That would fucking kill me..." Troy accidentally said out loud, to the great amusement of his teammates. "Fuck! Well, it would, so... minotaur it is, I guess."
"Yeah. It would have to be, right?" Shane agreed with him quietly.
"What?! But what about my beautiful face? You wouldn't miss it?" Ilya asked, fully offended. He waved one of his hands around in front of his face. "This face!"
"Jesus christ, Ilya! Announce it to the whole fucking team, why don't you?" Shane hissed as his face heated with embarassment.
"I think I am much sexier as a centaur..." Ilya let go of Shane's hand and crossed his arms.
"Since when is this about you?" Shane asked in exasperation. "Did I miss where this was about our actual partners transforming into mythical creatures?"
"Oh, so you will cheat on me with this minotaur man? We have not been married for even 6 months yet!" Ilya played up his outrage.
"Ilya. Minotaurs are not fucking real. You know that, right?"
"How convenient for you."
Shane grinned. "Fine. What's your answer, then?"
"Centaur, obviously. Because--"
"Because of my freckles?" Shane realized immediately.
"Yes, because of the freckles!" Ilya exclaimed. "Also, because I would obviously be a centaur so we would still match."
"Fine, fuck it!" Shane relented. "I guess we're both literally centaurs then."
"Thank you."
"This is a fascinating glimpse into your relationship, guys..." Troy said with a smirk as he drafted a long series of texts to Harris.
"Go fuck yourself, Barrett." Ilya gave him the finger and they both laughed.
"Wait, that brings up a good point. What would the kid of a minotaur and centaur even look like?"
"I wouldn't call that a good point..." Shane said as he tilted his head back against his seat and closed his eyes.
"They're both dudes, so that's not an issue anyway."
"Oh true," Young replied. "Okay, but hypothetically then if I was a centaur and my girlfriend was a minotaur what would happen if we had a kid?"
"A very complicated pregnancy and birthing situation, I would think," Boyle answered.
"Why?"
"What do you mean, why? Human babies are way smaller than horse babies, even if they have a cow head!"
"Okay, so reverse it. I'm the minotaur and she's the centaur -- does our kid have horse legs, a human torso, and a cow head? Or is it like a human torso on a cow body? Is there a chance they get the human body from the minotaur and the human head from the centaur and just look fully human?"
"See? And this is why I get stuck on the whole anatomy thing," Luca said as he looked up from his sketchbook.
Wyatt sighed. "This is why I said you can't apply logic or biology to Greek mythology. The minotaur came from a lady falling in love with a bull and having a half-human baby. It could never--"
"Whoa, what the fuck are you drawing, Luca?" Holmberg asked.
Dysktra cleared his throat. "It's 'Bunny' now, remember?"
"I'm trying to figure out how centaurs' spines work. Which half gets which organs? Because you might assume the lungs are where human lungs are, but bodies that big would need horse-sized lungs at least, right? Heart, too. Do the human and horse halves each have ribcages? They're always portrayed with the human torso being at about a 90° angle to the back of the horse part, so can a centaur fully lay down on their back? How does--"
"Luca, hey, hey..." Wyatt patted his shoulder. "It's not worth your sanity, bud."
"Aghhh! Fuck it! I'm banging a minotaur. At least if she has a human body we can switch up positions," Holmberg declared at last.
"How many positions could you even want? Half of them would have you looking at a cow's head," Dillon pointed out.
"Yeah, but cows are cute at least. They have long eyelashes!"
"I'd rather make out with my grandma than a cow, bro." Dillon looked around at his silenced teammates. "What? You know what I mean!"
"Hey, Dillon!" Ilya called over to him. "If you need a therapist, I can recommend one maybe!"
"Hey..." Dykstra grinned. "Anyone else notice that Bood conveniently pitches these games and then never has to answer the questions himself?"
"I'm the question master. I can't answer them too!" Bood insisted as he started laughing.
"Why not, though? It's not like there's a right answer to these hypotheticals," Wyatt said, teaming up with Dykstra.
"There are definitely wrong answers, though..." One of the rookies said, followed by a cough that sounded suspiciously like "grandmafucker."
"Bood, you beautiful, diabolical bastard!"
"I don't have a clue what you're all talking about." Bood looked at the watch on his wrist. "Oh! Looks like we're going to land soon. Good game, boys! Buckle up for the descent, and all that."
"You're lucky you're so damn charming..." Troy grumbled and rolled his eyes. "--and a damn psychic, apparently!" He added when the seatbelt lights came on.
Shane took ahold of Ilya's hand as soon as they were both buckled into their seats. "I think I love this fucking team," he whispered.
"What about its handsome captain?"
"Well, I know I love him."
"Are you sure?" Ilya whispered back. "I heard he might not be great guy. There's a rumour that he used his powers as team captain to seduce his teammate..."
"Really? Because I heard the other guy approached him first..."
Ilya shrugged. "I'm not sure about this. Maybe you can come to my hotel room later to continue this debate?"
"We're sharing the same room, Ilya."
"Very convenient."
"Yeah," Shane said with a chuckle. "We really lucked out, huh?"
"The luckiest." Ilya leaned over and kissed Shane's cheek.
Bood cleared his throat loudly. "You know half of us can hear you guys, right?" His words were accompanied by a chorus of "oohs" and laughter.
"Hey, Bood! Would you rather fuck a centaur or a minotaur?" Ilya asked him.
"Agh, oh, I think my ears just popped! Altitude changes are the worst, huh?"
Ilya gave the back of his friend's seat a playful kick and leaned back into his own seat with his eyes closed. He gave Shane's hand another little squeeze. "I love this fucking team."