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Dazai's hands twitch at his sides as he stares down a barren mattress before him. He's gotten himself into quite the mess, and as the days tick by, he becomes less and less certain that he'll be able to stay. A sense of dread looms in the background of his thoughts at all times, a stark reminder that what he's done is permanent whether he likes it or not. Still, the desire to run, hide, and disappear off grid before everything goes south again is strong.
Mating with Chuuya is simultaneously the best and worst decision he's ever made.
Their relationship has been filled with rough turbulence; Moments of pure elation followed by plummets into a barren valley filled with tension and the crumbled debris of their pasts. Since they were teens, they've had an unbreakable, unmistakable bond that made Dazai feel… almost normal. (As normal as he could being an executive in the mafia). Chuuya is light and comfort and warmth, mixed with a ferocious and dangerous ability that can squash towns and flatten the earth.
Chuuya gives Dazai a sense of mortality and reminds him that he's not a robot meticulously pieced together by Mori. The raw strength that man possesses is enough to kill him with a single neck snap. And Dazai loves the thrill he gets from laying in the same back, taking up the same space, treating each others as complete and utter equals despite the obvious physical imbalance.
Yet, when the adrenaline subsides and he's left with point-blank thoughts telling him that he doesn't deserve this, he always expects Chuuya to move on to the next person, or realize that he's been wasting time being faithful to someone capable of such psychological destruction.
An omega, no less.
Currently, he's staring at the bed, a nagging itch slowly consuming the skin around his scent gland. He needs a constant reminder that Chuuya wants this, he asked for this, he poured his heart out and nearly begged Dazai to move-in. Now, with his next heat fast-approaching, Chuuya asked if he wanted to make a nest. The idea was completely unappealing, but how was he supposed to let his partner—his new mate—know that he didn't have the most basic omega instincts?
So, he agreed. Chuuya gave him freshly laundered blankets and clothes dripping with his sharp sandalwood scent, then stepped out to give him privacy, something he'd initially mocked the alpha for.
(Although, now that the dread of materializing his secondary gender has its nasty claws around his neck, he's glad to not have questions to answer while he stares blankly).
Dazai has never wanted to be an omega. Not before his presentation, and not since that agonizing first heat. Spent alone in his shipping container, Dazai writhed nonstop in a pain that didn't seem to have any cure. Then, after coming out of it, he was slapped with the reality that everything he'd feared since childhood has come alive. He's an omega, and there was nothing he could do about it.
Not having power makes Dazai nervous and antsy. Unsurprising coming from the man who can control his own heartbeat. His body is supposed to be his to control, not some creature driven by its desire to be mounted and fucked into submission. He's never wanted kids, but his omega begs for them. He hates the scent he creates, but his omega intensifies it when he's out in public and spots a good looking alpha.
Now, he's standing at the foot of the bed with a blank expression on his face. He doesn't know how to make a nest. Is it just blankets? Should he mix in pillows here and there? Does the selection of clothes really matter when it comes to their dual comfort? Most importantly, will Chuuya think any less of him when his creation inevitably falls flat?
"What's a'matter with you?"
Dazai nearly leaps out of his skin. Chuuya cocks his head curiously then eyes the empty mattress before him, leaning against the doorway with both arms crossed.
"You been standing here this whole time?"
Dazai blanches, floundering for words that will make the situation any less embarrassing than it already is. His eyes float to the ground because looking into the face of someone counting on him to behave properly feels like too much to bare.
"Hey," Chuuya's voice softens, the gap between them closing as he grabs one of Dazai's hands. The touch is so comforting that the omega's shoulders droop, a rush of tension leaving his body. "What's wrong?"
"Can't nest." Dazai mutters under his breath.
"Huh?"
"I said I can't nest, okay?"
"What the hell does that mean? Ain't it just putting some blankets together?"
"I don't know."
Chuuya holds up his free hand in defeat. "It's fine, Dazai."
"It's not!"
The outburst would have had any other person backing away in shock—maybe fear. But Chuuya doesn't flinch, choosing instead to study Dazai at close range. The aforementioned groans with an edge of irritation.
"I don't have the natural instinct you want. I've never nested before, and Gods know I don't want children anytime soon, and I can't be the perfect omega who gives you everything, so Chuuya may as well quit while he's ahead—"
"Whoa, hey. Breathe. I never said that I wanted you to behave like some 'perfect omega'. I suggested you nest because I read that omegas want to be surrounded by familiar scents and shit like that. You don't have to do anything, and—why did kids even come up in your head? We haven't talked about it."
"Because that's how these things work! The relationship starts normal and everything is fine until you start dreaming of tiny spawn-lings and marriage and you want me to be a stay-at-home parent with the two pups and a couple pets running around."
Chuuya holds a hand over Dazai's mouth, shifting to stand in front of him.
"Just stop, Dazai. You think I didn't know what I was getting in to when I let you bite me? You think I don't know you better than anybody else? Come on, you may as well call me a goddam idiot." The shorter man holds Dazai's face with that hand, forcing eye contact to hopefully get his message across. "I don't want you to change a thing. And I certainly don't want you to be a stay-at-home parent. Stagnation looks horrible on you."
To his credit, Dazai does try to create a response, but Chuuya doesn't remove his hand to let the sound out.
"I'll put the damn blankets on the bed, that way you can't say that you nested."
It takes a moment for the words to settle in, but as soon as they register, Dazai's heart starts doing stupid, uncontrollable flips in his chest. Chuuya's accommodating him. He's feeding into the instincts that Dazai actively squashed while allowing him space to process the change.
The alpha releases his partner and quickly turns to the piles of blankets, selecting two fuzzy ones to use for the foundation. He moves with ease, like he's built an entire nest from scratch before and could do it in his sleep. Dazai watches, speechless. As Chuuya adds to the blankets draped across the bed, he uses a pillow toward the top that creates a small border where their heads are going to be. Something about the proximity to Dazai's pillow feels… wrong.
Chuuya throws the nest together haphazardly, only taking two minutes to decide he'd done well enough. Then, he looks pointedly at his partner and gestures.
"That better? You didn't make it, so it's completely my nest."
Dazai blinks, eyes shifting from his alpha to the crude looking amalgamation of fluffiness. Same as before when he stood in complete solitude, his hand twitches; Only this time, for an entirely different reason.
"That one shouldn't go there." He points to the pillow that would be obstructing his range of motion while he slept. Chuuya seeks the problem, makes a minor adjustment, then looks back for approval. "And that one."
They carry on like that for the next fifteen minutes, Dazai acting surprisingly particular about where each item should go. It's as though the natural instincts come to life when he's watching from the outside. He isn't touching a thing, but the way Chuuya places some of those blankets makes absolutely no sense if they're both going to be occupying the nest.
By the time Dazai gives his stamp of approval, Chuuya's face shows nothing but fondness. He beckons his partner closer with a single crooked finger, and Dazai follows like a dedicated disciple. In a dizzying blur, the omega finds himself flat on his back in the newly built nest, with a hard pressure keeping his torso down. Chuuya straddles him and restrains both wrists to the bed.
"You have got to stop overthinking."
"I don't—"
Their lips meet in a chaste, loving kiss that makes Dazai swoon pathetically.
"Just shut up, Mackerel."
Yeah, Dazai is right where he needs to be; With an alpha who will love his broken, defiant omega like it's the easiest thing in the world.