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Raphael loved his brothers more than anything in the world: it was a fundamental truth about the turtle that everyone in his family knew, and yet, it always went unspoken.
That was no surprise to anyone, though. Raphael was more about actions than words, after all.
To him, loving his brothers never entailed actually saying so; in fact, it meant everything but having to say those sappy words…
Like jumping in front of an attack that was meant for Donnie to receive, or blaming himself in front of Master Splinter for Leo’s own mistakes, or letting Mikey crash in his room whenever April stayed over.
Making sacrifices for them, even in little ways, is what it means to love family.
Sometimes, though, loving your family means you want to beat ‘em up till they’re black and blue.
As the thought crossed his mind, Raphael cherished the mental image of Leo’s face bruised the same shade as his mask, while his brother mouthed off on and on about Raph’s so-called “immaturity”.
“Our patrol last night was a complete disaster--because of you--and then you have the nerve to shrug off training the next day?!”
“Who says it was my fault?! I mean, c’mon, Mikey was the one who got us spotted!”
Leo dragged out a guttural groan as he furiously pinched at the contours of his own face, as though trying to knead the frustration out.
Raph folded his arms and leaned against a pillar, stabbing Leo with a glare so intense that Mikey and Donnie were shocked he didn’t get lasered into ash right where he stood.
Leo heaved a weary sigh, his hands slipping from his face and falling limp at his sides.
In his ‘leader voice’, a tone coated in faux calm, Leo enunciated each word.
“Mikey only yelled because you were the one who smacked him upside the head.”
If anything, Leo’s attempt to turn the argument into a civil discussion only thickened the agitation in the atmosphere tenfold. Red flooded Raph’s vision, though it had nothing to do with his mask.
“Don’t you go patronizing me, talking like that!”
Raph pointed an accusatory finger at Leo, who simply shook his head with closed eyes.
“Seriously, Raphael…”
Raph balled his hands into fists so tight he nearly drew blood from his own palms.
“Shut up, Leo! You can’t full-name me like I’m some kind of kid!”
“I can’t help it if you’re acting like one.”
Donatello covered his mouth with a gasp as Raphael fumed, a near-animal growl escaping him.
Mikey jumped between the two before Raphael had the chance to pounce on Leo, and Donnie restrained Raph so he couldn’t pounce on Mikey, either.
Mikey’s girlish screech rang out as Raph tried clawing out of Donnie’s grip, like a caged lion gone rabid.
“Geez guys, cut it out!”
With a final grunt of effort resounding from deep inside his chest, Raphael freed himself, sending Donnie stumbling backwards. Mikey yelped, but stood his ground, shielding Leonardo with his own body.
Raphael stood still for a moment, looking at Mikey’s defensive stance, his arms held up in front of his face to block any upcoming blows.
Suddenly, all Raph could hear was his own staggered breathing, and the blood pumping in his ears.
His vision faded as he pinched his eyes shut, desperately willing himself to calm down.
He did not.
Well, I tried.
Mikey trepidly pulled his arms apart, peering between them to get a peek at his brother.
Expecting to see a fist flying towards him, a quiet choke left Mikey as he instead saw Raph’s downcast face; his head was hung low and his teeth were clenched in anguish.
Mikey watched Raph’s mouth quiver for a blip of hesitation before he spat the words out.
“Forget this. I’m going to bed.”
Raph stormed off, leaving a very bewildered trio of turtles staring at his retreating form.
“But it’s… Only five-thrity…?”
Mikey tried calling out to Raph, but the sound of his voice petered out to nothing as Donnie laid a gentle hand on his shoulder, shaking his head.
After exchanging concerned looks, the two glanced at Leo, but he didn’t meet their eyes.
Leo was still staring at Raph, and his eyes bore into the door of his room long after he had slammed it shut behind him.
Raphael sat brooding in his room for hours, even when he found himself longing to leave: when he ached to play video games, to go find Casey, to do something, anything else, he kept his shell firmly planted on his bed through spite alone.
He had to be completely sure that his family was asleep before he could let himself out of this stuffy sewer…
Drenched in boredom and filled with tired rage, Raph lolled his head to the side, letting his neck go slack.
As his vision tilted sideways, he forced his eyes to drag over every surface in the familiar room until he finally allowed them to latch onto the clock. As they did, he lifted his head upright to get a better look.
My brothers might be up, but I’ll just have to risk it.
Slowly, with the exhaustion of hours of forced stillness, Raph pushed himself onto his feet.
I hope she’s still awake right now…
Leo was perched on the edge of the upper balcony of the lair, keeping vigilant watch over Raph’s door.
His stakeout was fruitless for quite a few hours--Donnie and Mikey wouldn’t stop giving him odd looks--but Leo was certain of this, and he wasn’t about to let himself miss it.
It's anyone’s guess as to what that hothead will do when I’m not there to stop him…
A sardonic smirk tugged at the corners of Leo’s lips as Raphael crept out of his room, right on cue.
Leonardo smiled at his brother’s predictability, watching him from above as he carefully tread across the lair and towards the exit.
Once Raphael’s figure faded into the darkness of the passageway, Leo leapt from the railing, soundlessly landing on the bottom floor.
He waited for the sound of his brother’s footsteps to become barely audible before he followed them, keeping a cautious distance between him and Raphael.
Leonardo tailed Raphael through the sewers like this for a while; too far for him to see, but just close enough to be able to hear.
After having grown comfortable with the quiet, Leonardo was startled by an abrupt noise: the rough, metallic scraping of a manhole cover being lifted.
Ironically, Leo found himself silently praying that Raph would be his usual careless self: hopefully, he wouldn’t slide the manhole cover back in…
No doubt Leo would get spotted if he had to remove it.
Anxiously anticipating the clank of the metal cap being shoved back into place, when he heard nothing, Leo was pleasantly surprised--if not a little disappointed in his brother.
Leo ascended the ladder, peeking his head over to check the perimeter before fully climbing out of the hole.
Raphael was walking down a very shady alley--and yet, he seemed perfectly at ease.
Leo’s eyes narrowed with suspicion at the confidence in his brother’s stride.
Does he come here… often?
With a mixture of anxiety and distrust gnawing on his insides, Leo quickened his pace before stopping at the corner that Raph had just turned. Leo craned his head around the wall to look.
Leo could do nothing but watch in silent horror as his brother stood in front of an apartment door, bathed in the sickening yellow sheen of an old porchlight, swarming with moths and mayflies.
What is he doing?!
Raph took a deep breath. Leo had to hold back a shout when he saw Raph raise his fist high over his head, and…!
…Gently tap the door?
After having knocked, Raphael’s hand immediately went to hold his other, twiddling his thumbs behind his back like a nervous child.
Leo couldn’t help but quirk his brow, watching his brother act so uncharacteristically shy, mumbling nonsensically--until someone on the other side of the door called out.
“Who’s there?”
Releasing a great sigh of relief, Raphael’s tense posture loosened at the woman’s voice:
it was filled with weariness, yet even so, it had a comforting quality to it--a ragged sound that was oddly…
grounding.
As though to savor the sound of her words, Raph paused for a split second, then attempted to form a response.
“Why, it's just me, Mrs. M… Raphael.”
A warm chuckle slid out from under the door before it opened with a creak of its rusty hinges.
Leo’s jaw went slack as the old woman faced Raphael’s appearance, utterly undisturbed.
In fact, it looked like she was staring right through him.
He’s like any other human to her?!
“What brings you here so late, dear? Surely Mr. Rosetti knows I’ve no need for moving help anymore.”
There was a slight distress in her tone, which Raphael rushed to soothe.
“‘S nothing to get worried about--I just… Well, I wanted to pay you a visit. I hope I’m not disturbing you.”
The woman’s faraway eyes creased with laughter as she took hold of Raphael’s arm, guiding him inside.
“Not at all, Raphael. Lucy and I are always grateful for your company.”
“Thanks, Mrs. M.”
Lucy? So there’s multiple humans he’s been hiding from us, now?
Leo was left alone with the turmoil of his own thoughts as the door clicked shut behind the woman and the traitorous turtle.
Raphael could feel the lasting anger from the afternoon melting away with each sip of tea he drank.
The pleasantly hot liquid pooled in his stomach and warmed his whole being, dissolving any lingering bitterness inside of him.
Amused by his eager slurping, Mrs. Morrison smiled at her unexpected guest from across the rickety table.
Upon hearing her quiet chuckling, Raphael’s cheeks flushed. He was glad she couldn’t see the embarrassment painting him crimson.
Her blindness made her easy to talk to, for that reason.
When he was with Mrs. Morrison, Raph didn’t have to worry about hiding his expressions: not that he would have to mask them, even if she could see.
It was great that Raph didn’t have to hide his appearance around her, either: though it was debatable how she would react to that information, should she ever find out.
Lucy definitely doesn’t mind, though.
Looking down on the cat curled up in his lap, a childlike grin crawled onto Raphael’s face as he lovingly scritched the fuzzy feline behind her ears.
The cat purred contentedly, and Raphael thought about doing the same.
“I gotta say, I really needed this.”
“It certainly sounds like it. Is your cup already empty? Would you like some more?”
“You know what, sure. Thanks, Mrs. M.”
Mrs. Morrison got up to boil more water;
though he knew she was perfectly capable of finding things in her own kitchen, Raphael practically jumped out of his seat to assist her, filling the kettle and fetching the teabags.
Raphael leaned against the counter and Mrs. Morrison folded her hands in her lap as she sat, and the two had a merry conversation as they waited for the vapor to whistle.
For a moment, Raph could’ve sworn he heard the screech of steam, but then he realized the sound was resonating from below.
Raphael tensed up when he saw Lucy turned towards the living room, hissing.
“Oh dearie me, what’s the matter, Lucy?”
Raph placed gentle hands on Mrs. Morrison’s shoulders, anchoring her to her seat.
“Here, Mrs. M, how about I go check?”
Tip-toeing through the doorway and scanning the room, Raphael scooped up Lucy and nuzzled her wet nose.
“You silly kitty, there’s nothing here!”
That was when Raph picked up on it. A muffled noise, coming from outside…
Somebody was snickering?
Lucy flashed her canines with another agitated hiss, her slitted pupils glued to the blinds over the window, only partially shut.
Oh, shell.
To catch the intruder off-guard, Raphael didn’t allow himself to hesitate as he swung the door open, nearly blowing it off its hinges.
At the bang of the door, Mrs. Morrison called out.
“Raphael, are you leaving so soon? Your tea’s almost ready.”
Raphael, hissing cat in hand, locked eyes with his brother.
His lips pulled taut with barely-contained rage, Raph did his best to respond in a reasonable tone.
“No, Mrs. M; in fact, I think you’ve got another visitor."
Mrs. Morrison’s voice grew nearer as she hobbled towards the main entrance.
“Why, then, bring them in!”
Before he could object, Raph grabbed Leo by his mask tails and dragged him inside.
Leo stood stiff as a statue inside the cramped apartment, eyes flying about, locating every possible threat.
Strangely enough, he found none…
Except for a small white cat, which was eager to rip his face off. Raph was barely holding it off, cradling the fuzzy ball of rage in his arms.
“Do I know you, dearie?”
Why is she so unbothered? Why does it feel like she’s not even looking at me?!
Leonardo stuttered for a moment, jolted out of his rumination.
“Uh--no, ma’am. I don’t believe we’ve met before.”
Taking the chance to scowl at Raph, who was savoring the sight of his brother appearing so panicked, Leo almost forgot to respond to the woman’s courteous question.
“Are you a friend of Raphael’s, sweetheart?"
Leo pondered over this, glaring at his brother for a fleeting second before meeting her faraway gaze.
“...Something like that… We’re brothers, actually.”
At that, the old lady’s face lit up; she reached out, and Leo took hold of her hand, politely shaking it.
“Why, you’re Leonardo, aren’t you?”
As their hands drew apart, Leo’s breath hitched.
“Yes… I am. H-how did you…?”
“I’m Mrs. Morrison. I’ve heard a lot about you, Leonardo, from your brother.”
“You have…?”
Leo tried to catch a glance at Raphael, who was avoiding his eyes.
“Of course, I’ve heard plenty about Donatello and Michelangelo, too. Raphael is quite skilled at telling stories; his company is a wonderful source of entertainment for a blind woman like me.”
Oh… So that’s why.
Blinking at the realization, Leo turned to face Raphael, mouthing furiously at him.
“You’ve been manipulating an old blind lady into thinking you’re human?!”
He simply rolled his eyes and shrugged.
Leo silently grumbled, turning back to Mrs. Morrison, and clicked his tongue in thought.
“How did you know it was me, then, and not one of my brothers?”
An amused titter trickled from Mrs. Morrison’s wrinkled throat.
“Like I said, Raphael paints a very clear picture with his words. Your voice simply matched the personality I had in mind.”
Raphael grumbled uncomfortably, muttering as he sat the cat on the floor.
“Come on, Mrs. M, let’s sit down now.”
Mrs. Morrison shuffled back to the kitchen, Raphael following close behind. He had his arms outstretched, subtly curved around her, so as to catch her in case she fell.
Leo found himself chuckling at the sight of his brother’s soft demeanor.
After all, it isn’t every day that Raph rubs noses with a cat and calls it ‘silly kitty’, or has tea parties with an elderly woman.
Yet, as funny as it was, Leo found it oddly unnerving to see his brother like this.
It's… jarring to encounter a new side of someone you thought you knew inside and out.
Not that it was a bad thing, per say, to find out that Raphael could be caring.
With the vicious kitten nipping at his heels, Leonardo practically tripped through the doorway, catching himself on the unsteady table. Raphael’s laughter melded with the creaking of the rickety wood as he proudly lifted the cat.
“Good girl, Lucy.”
Leonardo winced, staring daggers at Raphael as he felt his ankle, which was raw and stinging.
Never mind. He’s still the same Raph I’ve always known.
Doing her best to assess the situation, Mrs. Morrison adopted an apologetic air.
“Is my Lucy bothering you, dear?”
Leonardo mulled over his response, looking to Raphael, who was whisper-yelling as he held Lucy to his plastron.
“Don’t you dare make the lady feel bad.”
Perturbed divots formed on his face as Leo faked goodwill, speaking with a cheery spring.
“No, not at all!”
Relieved, Mrs. Morrison beamed. Leonardo couldn’t help but return the smile, though he knew she couldn’t see it.
“Oh, I’m glad. She doesn’t take kindly to most people, I’m afraid.”
The old woman took a long sip from her mug, setting it back down on its coaster with shaking hands.
“Raphael’s second cup has almost finished steeping. Would you like some tea, Leonardo?”
“Yes, I would. Thank you, ma’am.”
“You can just call me Mrs. M, dear.”
“Oh. Sorry, ma--Mrs. M.”
Raph was collecting his steaming cup from the counter as Mrs. Morrison stood, feeling around the drawers and cupboards.
“What flavor, sweetheart?”
“Any is fine, thanks. I really have no preference--”
Leo sputtered, his sentence dying in his throat as he watched Raphael snatch a tin from the shelf and gently place it in Mrs. Morrison’s hands. His voice was hushed, as though wary Leo would hear.
“Here, how about this one?”
Raising the box to her gnarled nose, the woman breathed in the aroma of the leaves.
“Ah, green tea? Are you alright with that, Leonardo?”
Leo stared at the back of Raph’s head while Mrs. Morrison plopped a tea bag into Leo’s mug.
“Yeah. It's my favorite, actually.”
Mrs. Morrison chuckled warmly, shaking her head.
“Why didn’t you say so, dear?”
Leo pursed his lips. He didn’t want to trouble the old woman with his own wants, and yet, she didn’t mind.
“I think I may have some cookies to go with this… Just a minute, boys.”
Mrs. Morrison tottered out of the room and into the walk-in pantry, Raph and Leo bidding her a brief farewell.
Raphael sat in the chair next to him, throwing Leonardo a sidelong glare as he set his cup down in front of him.
“...Quit acting like you’re above your emotions.”
Raph murmured it into his mug as he drank, leaving Leo to stare into his own tea, pondering.
If they were anywhere else, Leo would have snapped at Raph without a second thought.
But in the home of the sweet Mrs. Morrison, Leonardo was forced to let Raph’s words sink into him, for once.
“Not until you stop letting yourself get controlled by yours.”
Raph swiveled his head to face Leo, who met him with his eyes.
The air grew thick with the remnants of their unresolved argument, until Raphael dissipated it with a barking laugh and a playful slap to Leo’s shell, making him spit out his tea.
“Guess we’re both pretty messed up, huh?”
Leo sighed, though the breath carried no malice in its weight. Only the release of tension long pent up.
“I suppose we are.”
As though to congratulate themselves in their mutual shortcomings, they clinked mugs.
When Mrs. Morrison reentered, Leo and Raph were each taking hearty gulps of their tea, humming happily at the taste. In front of them, she placed an aluminum container filled with assorted shortbread cookies. The brothers looked at them eagerly, Raph gobbling one cookie after another while Leo nibbled on the same one he started with. After swallowing his last bite, Leo reached out and placed a cookie in Mrs. Morrison’s palm.
“You should try one, Mrs. M.”
Raphael spoke with a full mouth, crumbs spewing everywhere.
“Yeah, these’re delicious!”
Mrs. Morrison’s foggy eyes twinkled with joy.
“For all of your differences, you boys are strikingly similar.”
Neither Leo nor Raph really knew what to think of that.
“I do hope you’ll bring more of your brothers next time you visit, Raphael. I quite like this one.”
Mrs. Morrison--using some sort of sixth sense--located Leo’s cheek with her hand, pinching and squeezing lovingly. Raph snickered at the look of utter humiliation on his brother’s face.
“Sure thing, Mrs. M.”
Raph planted a mannerly kiss atop the elderly woman’s head, and the two turtles wished her good night.
The brothers strolled noiselessly for a while: both of them were unable to find the words, and worse yet, to speak them.
Raphael was first to break the stillness, with a loud groan that rippled the murky sewer water.
“I’m sorry. I shoulda listened to you, last night--on patrol, I mean.”
Dazed by the surprisingly genuine apology from Raph, Leo struggled to string together a proper response.
“...You’re not the only one who owes an apology.”
Raph angled his head to his brother, astonished by the vulnerability in his voice.
“I shouldn’t have blamed it all on you. If I want to be anything like a leader, then I… I have to start taking responsibility.”
“As though you’re not already?”
Leo spoke through clenched teeth.
“Not enough.”
The conversation fizzled out like a dying spark, the uneasy silence rearing its head once more.
Raphael’s mouth twitched as the words simultaneously formed and died in his throat, over and over.
Making sacrifices for them, even in little ways, is what it means to love family.
“Leo… You… Don’t have to do this alone. You know that, right?”
A low rumble bubbled up from Leo’s chest, like he was keeping something trapped inside.
Minutes later, once they had reached the lair, Leo finally muttered a response.
“Maybe.”