Archive of Our Own

Mike is so far gone it’s not even funny. Because why in gods name has he been staring at a clothing rack for the past half hour. It’s a shirt. For a party. That he needs. Desperately. 

Look, he has shirts, a lot of them. But… 

Yeah no actually scratch that. He wasn’t even looking for a shirt to be honest. He saw a fucking ad of a guy ripping it off and… well, it was hot okay. And when he saw it in a clothing shop he may or may not have imagined a certain someone rip- No. Nope. not going there. Jesus Christ. What is wrong with him? 

Well, a lot, it turns out. It didn’t take him long to realize he was in love with Will. When he moved to New York two years ago and Mikes life was falling at the seams. El’s death shook him to his core, and maybe he shouldn’t have been surprised when a few months later she showed up on his doorstep with her sister, but god… He still holds a grudge for doing this to him. But still. life went on and Mike’s life was still miserable. He didn’t even apply to college. His parents threw a fit, but at the time Mike just needed to be alone. There was no one to blame for that but him. And then everyone left, and Mike was stuck in Hawkins. 

Life slapped him on the face less than a year later. One day, Holly mistook him for his father. She seemed to realize the implications at the same time as he did. Needless to say, he had a long conversation with Nancy, and he cried, a lot, and he almost shaved his head, but thank god for Nancy, again. Mike cried about how empty he felt, how hard everything suddenly was, and how he didn’t want to end up like his dad. 

Nancy, as it turns out, also had her own revelation, and so, having dropped out of college, she was free to move around, more specifically to New York, where Jonathan welcomed her with open arms. Mike is happy for her, and they see each other a few times every month. 

After the phone call, Mike, begrudgingly, went to therapy. It wasn’t that bad, especially because he could talk about the Upside Down stuff, since she was updated by Dr. Owens himself, who turned up after they defeated Verna. He didn’t learn to accept himself, he’s not quite there yet, but he has learned to deal with what his therapist insists is depression. A long term one, for that matter. Mike didn’t exactly listen to her while she was explaining. 

He still feels empty, the hole his friends are supposed to fill, and they do, for the most part. He knows nothing can ever be the same again, but he just wishes they would stop moving on so quickly. 

He remembers how Will was, that Summer of 85, and he has never understood him more. 

Anyway, with the help of his Therapist he applied to College, in New York. Yeah, he uses Nancy as the excuse, but they both know it’s not the whole truth. Will is also in New York. They talk, Mike doesn’t make the same mistake he did when he was 14. They call and they write letters, but the thing is, their interactions stop at that. When they all meet up in Hawkings for Christmas, they talk, but it’s superficial, and Mike misses him. He misses him so badly, but Mike has always been a coward. 

Mrs. Byers invites him every year for Christmas, now that she and Hopper moved to Mont auk, but he usually doesn’t go. He has no real place there. Nancy does. Mike supposes he had a place there, years ago, before the summer of 85. 

The Party meets up twice a year, well, it’s been 4 times, since two years have passed, but the entire party meets up twice a year. In Mikes basement. Because it turns out that as much as the others move one, Mike’s basement will always have a special place in their hearts. They play D&D, and El sulks when Max joins, and sometimes she reads, and once, for an hour, she played with them, well, she played Max's character, with Max.

El struggled the last two meet ups, because of her travels. She’s traveling around the world, Europe, right now. She sends him post cards sometimes, and Mike writes back. It’s easy, talking to El. Always has been. It doesn’t sting like it once had. 

Kali goes with her sometimes, but right now she’s in London, reuniting with her parents. Mike was very surprised when he heard that she had them, and they remembered her. 

Mike's parents are paying for a nice apartment in New York, because the horrifying realization that both of their children would not want to go to college was enough. He still has a job, mind you, but it doesn’t quite pay enough. Barista salary, but at least he can choose his hours. 

Regardless, he’s in college now, he realized that maybe boys can be really attractive, and that he has had a fat crush, well, if he thinks about it long enough, which he won’t, the word crush doesn’t feel right, but crush on his best friend, whom he barely has meaningful conversations with. 

But he has made some new friends, he talks to his old friends, his parents are relatively proud of him and he’s in lo- Nope. Still not going there. 

Back to his issue, he has a party in a week. Coincidentally, everyone, and he means everyone's schedules lined up perfectly, so they’re meeting up in New York. 

Lucas, Max, Dustin, El, Will, and then Nancy and Jonathan and Steve and Robin and her girlfriend which Mike never remembers her name, Victoria? Vickie?, and he needs a shirt. 

It’s established that he doesn’t but he needs a shirt. 

He hasn’t seen Will in 8 months, since they last met up. Pathetic, yes, but Mike has changed since then. 

He let his hair grow again, like he had before Verna showed up, it’s a little bit curlier, the bangs a little bit less pronounced, in a way that makes him look older and more confident. New York is more accepting than Hawkings was, so sometimes, when Lorelei feels like it, she lends him some eyeliner. It always ends up smudged, but she thinks it makes him look hotter. Mike disagrees.  

But he has a party/meetup to attend, and he wants to look hot. 

Last time they all saw each other, Mike was just getting his life back together. Mentally, he was a mess. 

Another thing he worked on with his therapist was his lashing out. He still does that, but it’s measured now, as he doesn’t keep things in as much until he explodes. But old habits die hard. 

And he’s still staring at the shirt, Jesus Christ. People are staring at him, he needs to get his shit together. Before he can overthink about it, like he hasn’t been overthinking for the past hour, he violently grabs the shirt and buys it. 

It's just a simple blue button up, nothing special, but Mike finds it hugs him nicely, in the right places. His body still feels too big most of the time, so this is nice. 

//////////////////////////

Mike is panicking in his apartment, surrounded by his friends, who are unhelpfully laughing at him.

Lorelei is laying on the couch next to him, feet on Mikes lap, a glass of wine in her hands, cackling. Trevor and Harry are on the floor, rolling. 

“This is not funny!” Mike whines, muffled by his hands on his face. 

Trevor almost knocks the wine to the floor, wheezing. That’s the most embarrassing story I’ve ever heard. You’re telling me you said that? Like, really said that?”

Harry, the asshole with the posh accent, opens his mouth. “Mate, you paused. Why did you pause?’

“Why are we friends, again?” 

“No, not friends.: Trevor cherishes the pause before Harry and Lorelei jump in, apparently uniting to humiliate him. 

“Best friends.” They exclaim, then fall back into giggles again. They’re drunk, Mike isn’t. He doesn’t like to drink, makes him uncomfortable and afraid of what he might say if he does. 

But his friends are shit. They are the worst for laughing at him. 

“Again, I was 16.” he points out, because that’s a big detail. “and stupid, and we were like, in a cursed town so.” he wants to say more, to give every excuse in the book, because they could have literally died moments after, but he can’t say that. Which makes the moment even funnier for the drunk idiots in his apartment. 

“And tomorrow you’ll see him again after all that time?” Lorelei asks. 

“Not for the first time but… I’ll try and have maybe deeper conversations this time…” he breathes out. 

“Wait, is that why you called me to go shopping the other day?” Harry looks up at him, and Trevor bursts into laughter again, leaning over Harry and hitting Mike on the legs. “Dude, oh my god, you’re hopeless.”

Mike just sighs. 

“Remind me again why I can't bring you to a gay bar? To loosen up?” Lorelei takes a sip of her drink and pointedly looks at him. 

“Trust me, I’m not going to ‘loosen up’ anytime soon.” Mike Air-quotes. It’s scary how easy it was to come out to these three. Lorelei sees him in a way he could have never imagined. She’s like him, she just falls for people, ‘no matter what’s in their pants’, she said. 

Mike thinks it’s because their opinion didn’t really matter at the time. They barely knew each other, and suddenly Lorelei slipped up and talked about a girl she had a crush on, and Mike was just like “oh, you’re queer? Me too!” and that was the conversation, because Harry had vomited the alcohol ingested the hour before on Mike's carpet. 

That was a year ago, give or take. 

“Where are you meeting up?” Trevor asks.

“My sisters place. His brother is dating my sister.” he explains. 

“How has this never come up before?” Lorelei laughs, speech just a little slurred now. 

Harry suddenly sits up straight, swaying, but determined.

“Wait, is he the guy that gave you the painting hung in your room?” 

Mike pales as Lorelei jumps up.

“He was in your room?” he screams at the same time as Trevor gasps,

“He made you a painting?” Mike groans, but nods.

“We were not even 15…” he mumbles. 

“Dude, he painted for you? Like, a whole ass painting in color? That’s basically a love confession! I would know! I study art!” Trevor exclaims. 

“He told me my girlfriend at the time commissioned it, but… she didn’t. We never talked about it.”

“Oh, that is a love confession, darling.” Harry muses. 

“Don’t ‘darling’ me, posh boy.” Mike points an accusatory finger at him. Harry rolls his eyes. 

As the others thankfully change the topic, Mike finds himself thinking about the painting, again. Because he can’t move on, no matter how much he tries. Not for that, at least. He moved on from El quite a while ago. They never officially broke up, but El calls him her friend now, and Mike is glad, because that’s so much easier, and it feels right. Ne tells her he loves her any chance he gets. 

/////////////////////////

The next day Mike arrives early. Maybe too early, since it’s 10am, but he promised Nancy he would help set everything up, so, he’s here. With a change of shirt in his backpack, nicely folded. And maybe some eyeliner, if he feels like it. 

Jonathan opens the door in his pajamas. Mike raises his eyebrows, as Jonathan jawns. 

“Come in, come in.” Jonathan moves from the door, and finds Nancy, dressed, and keys in her hands. 

“Mike, hi, I’m just going to buy some stuff for the appetizers.” 

“Appetizers? Nancy, we’re ordering pizza.” Mike gapes at her sister, putting away his coat. Jonathan shrugs, still half asleep. 

“I did not take an entire week off from work just to buy chips and order pizza.” she grabs her own jacket and walks to the door. “I’ll be back in an hour of two. Do not touch anything.” 

Mike opens and closes his mouth a few times. “Then what am I supposed to do?” he calls after her. 

“Just listen to Jonathan. And put your stuff in the office.” the clicks shut. 

Mike sighs, shoulders slumping. 

“Just give me a second, Mike. I need to shower and get dressed. Just… relax, or take the non-alcoholic drinks out of the fridge. And, could you check if we bought enough ice? Thanks.” Jonathan disappears into his room again. 

Mike makes his way into the office, which has a mattress. Mike sighs again. A mattress that needs to be inflated, a stack of sheets on the dark brown desk in the corner, next to the bookshelf, filled to the brim with books. Mike adds this to the metal list of things to do. 

The pump is, thankfully, standing in the kitchen, so he doesn’t have to look around for it. He gets out all the drinks, counts the plastic ‘fancy’ glasses Nancy bought a few months earlier and the paper plates and paper… everything. 

Nancy gets home and starts chopping in the kitchen with Jonathan and just watching them feels too domestic, and they look so in love, and Mike feels so lonely. He rubs at his chipped black nail polish, then he leaves while Jonathan starts making the punch Nancy insists they need and makes the bed in the guest bedroom. 

They have lunch, and decorate some more, and it feels more like a party than a reunion at 6pm. 

They’re all sitting on the couch, tired. 

“Thanks again for helping.” Jonathan exhales, nervously. “I asked Will, but he bailed at the last second. Said he had to finish a painting.” Mike's stomach churns, but he ignores it. 

“It’s for his exam right? The one where he has to use oil paintings?” he asks. He remembers the last letter, smudged with green pigment. 

Nancy turns to him, head cocked to the right. 

“No, he finished that last week. It’s something else. He won’t tell me.” Jonathan shrugs.

Mike's stomach swoops again, because the last time Will wasn’t talking about a painting… Well, the object is on his wall. But it’s stupid, thinking like that. Jesus, he isn’t even completely sure Mike was the person Will was talking about. His ‘Tammy’, or whatever that meant. He hoped Will would tell him, even if he wasn’t, but he never did. They started hiding a lot from each other after Will got back from California. 

“He’s being a secretive little shit.” Jonathan smiles, and Nancy snorts, immediately hiding her smile behind her-.  

“Oh my fucking god?” Mike stands, gaping at Nancy, who presses her lips together in a smile. Jonathans is smirking. Mike hits him on the shoulder. 

“When the hell did this happen? We talked literally less than a week ago.” he gestures to the engagement ring on Nancy's finger, the little diamond glistening in the light. 

“Two days ago.” Nancy smiles so bright. 

“I’m surprised you don’t think it’s too soon.” Jonathan muses. 

“You’re kidding, right? You two have danced around each other since I was 12. Maybe even before that. Who gives a shit if you broke up for 2 years, Jesus, look at her.” Mike points to Nancy, who is laughing now. “And you” he points to Nancy, but before he can actually speak, Jonathan is… hugging him.

Mike stiffens, but relaxes immediately after. He’s always liked Jonathan after all. 

“God, I wish your parents would take it so well.” He says, plopping back down on the couch, relaxing into Nancy. 

“Jonathan, everyone is going to be here in less than an hour, you know that right?” Nancy smiles at him. She’s already dressed, a pair of pants and a button up. Casual, but Nancy. 

“Shit, I also need to change.” Mike says, then stalks into the bathroom. 

30 minutes later, he needs makeup remover. He tried okay. Eyeliner is difficult, and he got frustrated pretty quickly. He’s this close to calling Lorelei and begging her to come over for like 10 minutes to fix this mess. His eyes, which are already dark to begin with, now look even darker, and it's the first thing you notice when you look at him. Nancy has to have some makeup remover around here. It’s a bathroom, for goodness sake. 

He groans, and tries fix it again with his saliva coated finger. It works, somewhat. His eyes still look dark, but, well, almost on purpose now. 

He squints in the mirror, his blue button up, dark jeans, fucking chipped nail polish he didn’t remove yet, black hair that is styled pretty nicely, actually and he still needs makeup remover. 

Mike rubs at his eyes again, and stalks out of the bathroom. 

“Nancy, where is the hell do you- ” he stops then, in the middle of the hallway. 

Will is standing there, deer in headlights, looking, maybe even staring, if Mike is hopeful enough. 

The haircut and the earring are nothing new, something he already panicked about many months ago. Neither are the clothes. A white blouse with a yellow vest on top. It looks really nice, but it’s nothing new, so he doesn’t know why exactly he’s staring. That's a lie… 

“Hi.” Surprisingly, Mike is the one to break the silence, but it’s worth it when Will's face breaks into a smile, and he’s walking towards him and then they’re… hugging. 

And Mike squeezes hard, and burrows his face into Will’s neck, because he can’t help it. His only comfort is when Will does the same, a muffled “Hi, Mike.” into his shoulder, warm and breathy against his exposed skin. Mike lets go first, like he always does, because it could be weird now, now that Mike knows about himself. 

“What happened to you?” Will laughs, still looking at him. 

“I don’t look that bad, do I?” Mike smiles at him, because he sees the fondness in Wills eyes. 

“You look good, don’t worry. I like the hair, and the makeup. And the nail polish. It suits you.” 

“Thank you.” Mike whispers, swallowing and looking away. 

Jonathan comes out of his room, interrupting. The air around them changes into something lighter. 

“Sorry,” he says, while buttoning up his shirt. Will rolls his eyes. “Steve says he’s outside with Dustin but they don’t know where to go. I hate him.” he grumbles, grabbing his keys. Will laughs, Mike speaks. 

“Dustin is here?” he smiles, because he’s happy. His heart feels almost full at the mention of his friend. 

Jonathan opens the door to find Robin and her girlfriend, Steve and Dustin trailing behind them. 

“Baby Byers!” Robin almost shrieks, completely ignoring Jonathan in favor of hugging Will. Mike knows from him that Will and Robin never found a way to meet up, being so far away from each other, and so busy, since Jonathan and Nancy meet her at his uncles house once every three months. It was supposed to be once a month but it didn’t work with their schedules. 

Mike walks over to Dustin and they meet in the middle. Dustin sways him a bit, knowing that makes Mike dizzy. He groans,

“Really, man?” Dustin just laughs, and pulls away. 

“Dude, your hair is even longer now!” he pulls at a curl. 

“And yours is even shorter!” Mike swats his hand away. 

“Nice hair Wheeler!” Steve calls from the other side of the room, talking with Jonathan and Nancy. 

Mike makes eye contact with Robin's girlfriend, who gives him a smile and waves. Dustin has moved to Will, interrupting his conversation with Robin, who suddenly remembers that Vickie, yes, that’s her name, doesn’t know the others that well, if not at all. 

“We’re missing like, half of the party.” Mike points out, joining Will and Dustin.

“Is Kali coming?” Will asks, to no one in particular.

Jonathan shouts a yes from where he’s talking to Robin now, or where Robin is animatedly talking to Jonathan, while he’s listening. Mike leans to Will slightly, lowering his voice. 

“Do you know?” he asks, looking at Jonathan, hoping Will gets the hint. 

Will does. “Know what?” Mike’s eyebrows jump up as they lock eyes. He quickly looks away, and he feels slightly proud of being one of the first people who know about the engagement.

“Never mind.” he says, earning a weird look from Will. 

“You left the door open.” A voice Mike sadly recognizes.

“Max, Lucas!” Will calls, and runs over to squeeze Max in a hug. They’ve just gotten closer over the past years. Lucas laughs, before being enveloped by Dustin, who has the fucking habit of swaying people during hugs. As established, Mike hates it. Mike hugs Lucas fiercely, and he laughs again. Mike can only describe his laugh as rich and loud. It’s infectious. He hugs Max briefly, who sticks out his tongue at him. The little stupid ‘rivalry’ they’ve always had is familiar. 

“Wait, are you wearing makeup?” Lucas points out, and Max examines Mike closer, before gaping at him. From the corner of his eyes he sees Robins head snap towards them, eyeing Mike from head to toe.

“Just some eyeliner.” he shrugs it off, but he actually does care what they think about it.

“You look weird.” Lucas muses, ‘But like, good weird, you know?” 

Mike laughs, satisfied with the reaction as Dustin nods. 

“It’s all messy.” Max frowns. 

“That’s on purpose.” Mike defends, crossing his arms. 

“It’s not.” comes a voice behind Max.

Mike has never really spoken to Kali, and she kind of scares him. Not that he would ever mention it. She has this… Aura around her. Like a guard dog. El’s guard dog. 

Speaking of El, she’s finally closing the door behind her. She has a nice purple skirt on, that just screams El. She‘s been trying to find herself lately. And hide from the government, but everyone is convinced she’s dead either way. 

“Mike!” she calls and flings herself into his arms. Mike loves the relationship he has with her. It’s just so much more genuine and nice. And Mike loves her so much. They both left the strain of the romantic relationship behind, and now all that’s left is them, like they were right before they found Will back in 83, if not closer. Who is he kidding, a hell of a lot closer. He considers her his best friend. 

Mike spins her to get the momentum down and she giggles. “Hey El!” He returns the quick hug, pulling away because Max is already holding him by the collar and pulling him backwards to hug her. They haven’t seen each other in ages. 

Mike bumps into Will who’s back is turned to Mike in favor of greeting Kali, which is… Somewhat weird, because Mike feels like he’s doing it on purpose. But he ignores it when Will turns around, raising his eyebrows. Mike just smiles at him briefly before greeting Kali, shoulders immediately gaining some tension. She nods at him, a hint of a smile. 

Her hair reaches her shoulders now, and it’s curly, strands of purple in her hair that matches her eyeshadow. 

“Let me fix that mess.” she says, indicating his eyeliner. “If you want a smokey eye, I can give you one.” She starts rummaging in her bag. “What do you think Will? Should we give Mike a smokey eye?” 

Will looks up from where he moved to hug El, it’s finally his turn, and stumbles in his words. “Uh… what?” he says, eyes going from Mike to Kali. She smirks. 

“Smokey eye it is then.” 

“Kali!” Jonathan interrupts them, giving her a quick side hug. She melts into it. 

Another development Mike failed to remember is the 6th member of the Byers-Hopper Family. She’s made her way into it in less than a week, from what Will told him, even winning Hopper over, somehow. 

“Come one Wheeler.” she ushers him into the bathroom. 

//////////////////////////

Not even 10 minutes later the door bursts open. “Mike- Sorry.” Will looks taken aback for just a second. Kali leans back, satisfied with her work. Mike has a smokey eye. It looks nice. And on purpose. She says something Mike doesn’t quite catch and then she squeezes past Will, who doesn’t even spare her a glance, and exits the bathroom. Mike straightens up as Will closes the door behind them. Mike wants to kiss him. Jesus Christ no. 

“Mike.” Will whispers again, leaning closer. “Is your sister wearing an engagement ring?” his eyes bulge, and Mike has to let out a strained laugh, because all of that is too much for his poor brain to handle. 

“Yeah.” he says, 

“Since when?” Will whispers, still. Mike matches him.

“Since two days ago. I saw it like an hour ago.” 

Will leans back against the door, and `mike releases a quiet sigh. “Jesus.” they stay there in silence for a few moments. 

“Wait, is this why you asked me if I knew?” Will speaks in a normal voice. Mike follows his lead, voice louder. 

“I thought he would have told you.” Will doesn’t look so disappointed, no, he’s grinning.

“Does somebody else know?” he asks.

“Nope.” Mike too, smirks. 

“Oh this night is going to be s-”

The door opens, revealing Lucas, whose eyebrows fly up when he sees them. 

“We want to have a toast. You two coming or…” he trails off, eyes scanning them, like they have something to hide. Mike doesn’t meet his eyes as he nods. Will seems to do the same as they walk into the kitchen. Mike wants to put his hand on Wills back. Jesus Christ. 

/////////////////////////////////

Mike has some punch in his cup. The champagne is gone, not that Mike drank much of it in the first place. Half a glass, if not less. Will went with some coke. Music is playing from a mix-tape Jonathan made. Apart from Will, he has the best taste in music, so Mike is glad he refused Dustin's offer to take care of the music. Jonathan says he has curated a playlist for this exact event and as ‘rockin robin’ plays Mike can see what at he means. 

“So, how’s College been treating you Mike? Your first semester is almost over.” Lucas asks. 

“Well, I love it, not gonna lie, I take a fantasy writing class, which I love, but my English professor is a menace. I’m late a lot, okay, I can admit that, but attendance isn’t relevant in his class, so tell me why he scolds he every time I get to class 5 minutes late?” he rolls his eyes. 

“Have you ever not been late for something?” Max teases, sipping her drink. 

Mike scoffs, “I wish.” which makes Lucas choke. “No but seriously. College is hard, but way better than high-school.” 

Dustin and Will join the circle. 

“I love college, man. I’ve never felt so challenged in my life. It’s amazing!” 

“Of course the valedictorian would say that.” Dustin makes an offended face, but then smiles. “I got this internship for next year. Where I travel around the world.” Max gets dragged off somewhere. 

“Really? Will asks. “I called you yesterday, why didn’t you tell me?” Dustin shoots him a look, and Will… blushes? What the hell. 

“I forgot.” Dustin smirks. “It’s at NASA.” 

Lucas’s mouth drops open, and then starts cheering and clapping Dustin on the back. 

“NASA?” Mike exclaims. NASA. Like, NASA NASA? The NASA? An internship? Dustin.

“I may have pulled a few strings during the selection process, since a guy there, for some reason was a man of Dr. Owens, but I got in all on my own!” Dustin looks so proud and Mikes heart swells for him. He deserves the world after what they’ve all been through. 

“And what about you Will?” Mike redirects his attention to him, mostly because he can’t help it and he naturally gravitates towards him. “Something new that you didn’t tell me? Jonathan said you were painting.” and yeah, once again Mike cannot stop thinking about it. 

Will shrugs, hiding a smile behind his cup as he drinks. 

“Nothing new, really.” he shrugs. “I’m making a portfolio to find work around here. Maybe stop being a barista. I was thinking maybe a support art teacher. I like kids.” 

“Damn Byers, you’re ambitious.” Lucas whistles, impressed. 

“I have a few interviews lined up next month so I guess we’ll see. I know I technically need a teaching degree, but I’m already taking some classes for it.” 

“So you want to be a teacher?” Dustin asks. 

“I mean, I’m not sure. Ideally, I just paint and sell my stuff, and make enough money for a living, but probably a teacher, yes. Maybe middle school. I think it would have helped me a lot. Or high-school, but it’s more complicated and time consuming.”

“I can totally see you do that.” Mike exclaims, imagining Will having a classroom of his own. “You’d be a great teacher.” 

Will smiles, something soft, softer than Mike ever remembered and he hears Dustin and Lucas agree to the previous statement, encouraging him. Mike looks away first.

“And what about that guy you were seeing?” Lucas pries, and Mike’s brain short-circuits. “Yeah, you were going out with him a few months ago.” Dustin nods, and Mike is suddenly aware that he’s probably the only person who didn’t know this, for some reason. Or well, he knows the reason he wouldn’t have wanted to know but god was it that visible on his face?

“Oh, Carlton, well, I went out with him for like, 5 months, but…” Will trails, off and sneaks a glance at Mike, who struggles not to look away. It’d be weird if he did. He is the one talking after all. “Well, he never made it official, and I got sick of him pretty quickly.” Will doesn’t offer anymore explanation and they don’t pry for more. 

Lucas is looking at Mike, making a weird face at him. Mike raises his eyebrows but shakes the feeling off. 

“I want to talk about you then.” Will crosses his arms and as Mike meets his eyes he realizes Will is talking about him. 

“Me?” Mike straightens up, his ears already feeling warm. Goddamn. 

“Yeah! I mean, look at you.” Will looks at him. Jesus Christ. “You grew your hair out, and lost the glasses. Not to talk about the nail polish and the make-up.” 

Dustin nods in agreement, and Lucas jumps in. “When you said you grew your hair out I imagined it like in ‘86."

“I call this the lesbian haircut.” Robin appears behind him suddenly, and it makes Mike jump in surprise, before an indignant noise comes out of his mouth. Dustin chokes on laughter, Lucas full on bursts, and Will snickers. 

“Leave my hair alone, Robin.” Mike calls, giving her the finger. She just laughs and leaves, seemingly done with the conversation already. Will shakes his head, smiling. “It does look a bit like the haircut my friend has.” he whispers under his breath. Mike points a finger at him. 

“I heard that!” 

Dustin laughs again. “No but seriously man, you look good. Like, I attract all the ladies, good.” 

It’s Mike's turn to laugh. “Trust me, I’m not attracting anyone with this hair. Not women anyways.” Will chokes on his drink, which sets Dustin and Lucas, who are already tipsy, on a laughing frenzy. Mike goes to pat Wills back, because he has an excuse to touch him and he’s gonna take it. 

The song ‘Upside Down’ starts playing, and Dustin and Lucas gasp dramatically before sprinting to the makeshift dance-floor. Maybe they’ll go out for drinks later, proper drinks. They have a whole week to be together, so they have time. They haven’t spent this much time together since graduation. Mike missed them so much. 

“What songs did he put in there?” Will smiles, through the lyrics. 

Instinctively you give to me

The love that I need

I cherish the moments with you

Mike removes his hand from Wills back as the lyrics register in his head. Is every single song a love-song? He’s probably reading too much into it, but Will leans just a fraction closer, which makes Mike’s pulse jump. 

When no one makes me feel like you do

Will mouths. Silence envelopes them, and it’s really nice. It’s extremely nice and comfortable and just them. Mike has missed it so much. So he voices it, because he’s working on being less of a coward.

“I missed you.” it’s soft, almost impossible to hear, but Will does anyway, because his face blooms into a smile and he looks at Mike with so much adoration, Mike could mistake it as love. 

“I missed you too.” and Mike knows he did it on purpose this time, when Will shifts closer. 

Mike listens to the second verse and how in the hell didn’t he notice the undertones. The song may be about cheating, or so he imagines from the various lines that state so, but the undertones are killing him. 

As long as the sun, continues to shine

There’s a place in my hear for you

That’s the bottom line

Upside down

boy you turn me inside out

Mike kind of relates right now, because his stomach is doing flips and he has too much blood in his head for it not to be visible. 

Thankfully, El comes to save him. 

“Mike!” he immediately smiles at her. See, easy. It’s easy with her. Like it’s easy with Lucas, Dustin and Max. 

Mike thinks he had Will and El in the same head-space for so long that he couldn’t imagine being with both of them, which sound so bad, but he has no other way to describe it. When things were bad with El, they were good with Will and vice versa. Usually though, he and Will getting along and El and him fighting was a lot more common, and that hurt all three of them. Mike is aware of that now. 

Differentiating them was hard. El was his girlfriend, and he was supposed to feel a certain way, that’s what everybody told him at the time. He was supposed to love her and cherish her or whatever. And she does. Just not in the way he was supposed to. 

With Will it was different. He loved him so much, god he loves him so much it hurts all the time. All his emotions, especially anger feel so heightened around him, like he’s pulling on a string. Mike gravitates towards him like he does with nobody and it feels right. It felt right when they used to hold hands and communicate in morse code as kids, and it felt right when Mike apologized for being stupid and when they hugged, and when Will smiled, 

But at the time Mike didn’t think so. He saw it as him being wrong, another thing to add to the list he started making when he was 9 one night, after overhearing his parents on a screaming match about his not so high grades in PE or in geography. He burned the list at 19 years old in a bonfire. But he still remembers every entry. 

Point is, he couldn’t handle being with Will and El and that put an irreparable strain on their relationship. It doesn’t exist anymore, at least not on El’s part. Will on the other hand… sometimes. Times like right now, as El strides closer, flinging an arm around Mikes shoulder, he sees Will tense, just enough, and move away. Mike wants to pull him closer again, but he doesn’t. 

“We want to play a round of monopoly. Me and Kali brought one from Spain. It’s entirely in Spanish so you’re going to have to refresh your Spanish but it’s worth it, I swear.” Mike swears El’s speech is getting better every day, her spelling improving every letter. She’s still catching up on so much stuff, math, history, philosophy, but she’s so open to learning. Not going to school, because she refuses to be put in the same situation as her in high-school and forging documents would be even harder, not to mention dangerous, but she has a ton of library cards all over the world where she goes and reads. 

She’s extremely smart, maybe even smarter than Dustin if they had the same education. She picks up things faster than anyone Mike has ever seen, apart from said Dustin, and she already knows a bunch of languages, or the basics of it, from her travels alone and with Kali. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to play something else?” Mike smirks, “the last time you almost ripped the board in two and sulked for an hour straight.”

“Shut up I did not.” she pouts, but she definitely did. 

“Will, are you joining us? Every time someone can’t afford to pay something or just simply don’t want to they drink.” 

Will looks up, almost startled. “Uh… Well, yeah, why not.” a smile forms on his face as Mike beams at him. 

El flips the board over after an hour and a half. She starts going on a tangent about how unfair the rules she herself created were, even though she was loosing to Lucas, and Lucas only. Mike would have been dead if he drank every time he couldn’t afford something. Needless to say, he doesn’t drink, so he’s been sipping on the punch for like 2 hours, but barely 2 cups in. And he also miserably lost, going bankrupt in the first 30 minutes. Will was doing pretty good until Lucas exchanged a property with him, and it was chaos from then on. Max negotiated and threatened Lucas, who gave in much too easily. Dustin got so drunk he vomited in the bathroom before coming back and eating something. Now he’s still somewhat sober. He plans on drinking again later. 

In the meantime Jonathan has had to switch out cassettes, this is how Mike finds out he made multiple. 

“He really is obsessed with music.” he whispered to Will when the house was too quiet for about 5 minutes. Will just chuckled, but it made Mike feel warm all around. 

Max is now giggling with her head on El’s lap, Lucas is sulking while murmuring to Dustin and Will is quiet, observing the scene. 

“What are you thinking about?” he asks, a little bit louder because of the music. 

Will graces him with a little smile, though he keeps his eyes on the group. “I’m thinking about drawing this from memory tomorrow. Maybe I can even start sketching it today.” he shrugs, and Mike is so fascinated by that. 

“Will you show it to me after?” Will turns to him. 

“Yeah.” the sound is breathy and Mike has to physical drag his eyes away from Will entirely before he does something stupid. He’s feeling stupid tonight. 

The moment ends, or well, it depends on how you see it really, when ‘Every breath you take’ starts playing. Max gasps, and goes to grab Lucas, who is still somewhat sulking. 

“Oh my god. We need to recreate the moment.” she exclaims as the lyrics wash over. 

Every game you play, every night you stay 

I’ll be watching you

Oh can’t you see

You belong to me?

It’s El who encourages Jonathan and Nancy to start slow dancing to the song, Lucas and Max already there. Lucas looking content. 

El then comes up to him. 

Mike is already shaking his head. “Absolutely not. No. I'm not doing this. Go dance with Dustin.” he takes a step back as El laughs, and does in fact go to Dustin, who happily agrees. 

“Why aren’t you dancing?” Will comes up to him, a digital camera in his hands. 

“Hey, where did you find it?” Mike observes it, as Will shrugs. 

“Jonathans room. Don’t change the subject.”

Mike chuckles, looking at the pairs dancing. Robin and Vickie have joined in too. 

Kali and Steve are talking on the other end of the living room. 

“It feels much to romantic.” Mike shrugs. “It’s not really a song to dance to with a friend.” 

“Dustin and El are dancing together.” he points out. 

Mike smirks. “Have you looked at Dustin's face?” he asks. Dustin looks very much entranced by her. Mike sees the moment it clicks for Will. 

“Oh.” he says, then turns to look at Mikes face.

“And you’re fine with that?” 

Mike frowns. “Why wouldn’t I be?” 

There is a moment of silence. “You’re still just friends?” Will asks, almost tentatively. 

“Yeah.” Mike’s response is immediate. “We are so much better off. And I would have told you if we weren’t.” 

It’s Wills turn to shrug. “I don’t know. You just seemed really close, nothing more.” 

Mike nods, confused. 

Will points the camera at the ‘dance-floor’ and takes a picture. “Drawing reference.” he smiles. 

Since you’ve gone I’ve been lost without a trace

I dream at night, I can only see your face

I look around but it’s you I can’t replace

I feel so cold and I long for your embrace

Mike feels these lyrics deep in his head, and it doesn’t help that Will has been looking at him for the time of all of them. Mike moves closer. Will doesn’t notice. Their shoulders and arms brush. That, Will notices, but he doesn’t say anything about it. 

Mike has been thinking of telling Will. For the past hour anyway. He wants it so badly. His heart is aching with it and he just wants. He has never felt like this before. It’s like every time they see each other Mike's feelings amplify even more, and it gets harder and harder to keep it to himself. God, technically his friends don’t even know he is queer. 

He still deciding on a label, which is why it’s taking him so long to tell them. Will might be the first person he tells. Add if the crush, or well, the in love part comes out, Mike is almost sure Will would not hate him. Almost. No. Just a crush. If its’ not, it would hurt even worse. 

The songs ends, and ‘Just like heaven’ start. 

Mike and Will immediately lock eyes. 

“The Cure.” Will whispers, then he’s being whisked off by Kali and they join the dance-floor. 

“Come on lover-boy!” Robin calls and he’s not sure if it’s directed at Steve or at him.

For some reason, the Cure is the only band the whole entire party can agree on, apart from Queen, who everyone likes. 

A chorus of people start singing and Nancy, bless her, closes the ‘big light’ and switches on a few lamps around the room, so that it’s not pitch black. The mood immediately changes, as everyone starts singing along. 

Show me, show me, show me how you do that trick

“The one that makes me scream” she said

”The one that makes me laugh” she said

And threw her arms around my neck. 

Max screams the lyric to Lucas, who looks delighted as she puts her arms around his neck. 

The second Verse starts and Mike finds himself singing with Will, who has abandoned Kali in favor of him. They’re not exactly singing at each other, but it’s more singing with each other, surrounded by their friends and looking around. Though at some point Wills eyes lock onto him as he stops singing and starts mouthing the lyrics instead. Mikes brain short circuits. 

“Why are you so far away?” she said

“Why won’t you ever know that I’m in love with you

That I’m in love with you.” 

Mikes stomach is doing summer-saults, heart beating out of his fucking ribcage because what the fuck? What was that? Was he just imagining it. His face feels hot, and he can excuse it on the jumping around, thankfully. He can barely breathe and he’s almost shaking with it. With the implications that probably don’t mean anything as Mike blinks down at him, because Will is still shorter.

Will looks almost disappointed before Jonathan comes up behind Will and starts singing his ear off. Will laughs, tension visible in his shoulders, but still somewhat relaxed. 

Mike is so fucking confused, and he remains confused when Lucas drags him to dance to the next song, Mike doesn’t know the name of. 

15 minutes later he ends up on the couch, the others still dancing and mingling together. Mike has refilled his punch, as he’s panicking. He can’t stop thinking about what happened. how red he still is, how it’s looking harder and harder to excuse the blush on his face and the slight tremor of his hands. He should not be this affected, yet he is.

Will slumps next to him on the loveseat. Jesus Christ, ‘couch’ is better. 

“I really missed this.” he says, turning his head towards Mike. He’s flushed, head tilted. Mike is going to die. He remembers the summer after graduation, when they all had a few weeks left before leaving for college. Everyone would go out at night, mostly to hang out at the park or stargaze under the moonlight. Mike joined most of these things, but only when he didn’t have to speak, because at the time, speaking felt like dying. 

“Are you okay?” Will asks, breaking his train of thoughts. Mike nods and smiles at him. Will smiles back. 

“I’m so glad you’re doing better.” he whispers, but their so close Mike hears him anyway. When did they even get so close, Jesus Christ. 

“I am too.” Mike whispers back. 

“I missed you.” Will whispers again. “This you.” Mike knows exactly what he means, so he mumbles back

“I missed me too.” That earns him another of Wills smiles, all soft and gentle and kind and Mike misses him. God, how can you miss someone who is standing so close to you. But Mike’s heart aches. It aches so bad and he wants to scream and cry and kiss him at the same time and thank god he’s zoned out and not looking at Will because that would be very embarrassing. But Mike wants him. Wants him so badly he has this sudden urge to touch, to reach and wrap his arms around him and to hold him. His fingers twitch restlessly against his thighs. He flexes them over and over to try to get the feelings away. He fiddles with his fingers, hands intertwining, palms pushing, pulling and tightening against restless fingers, and he suddenly feels very hot. God what is wrong with him. His heart can’t take much more and he wants to stand up but then Will knocks their knees together and he just fucking melts into a puddle. What is wrong with him today, Jesus. He wasn’t this pathetic a few hours ago. 

It’s a fucking cruel joke when just a moment later ‘love of my life’ starts playing. 

He hears a few coos where one is asking the partner to dance again, or sing or something and Mike will not move from this spot ever. They’re so close and it feels so nice, but it’s not enough. It’s so little it feels like torture. Mike aches. The piano starts up and from the corners of his eyes he sees Will look at him as the lyrics start. 

Love of my life, you’ve hurt me

You’ve broken my heart, and now you leave me

Love of my life can’t you see?

Mike is dying. He’s dying and he’s not meeting Will's eyes. He looks around the room, at everyone swaying and kissing, Jesus, no thinking about kissing, that is very dangerous territory. 

In a spur of bravery, or probably stupidity Mike turns his head to Will and they lock gazes. Will, who was previously mouthing lyrics, stops, his mouth parted op- NO LOOK AWAY MICHAEL. 

Okay. Back on track. They’re… staring at each other. Will looks dazed. He probably isn’t but he looks like it. He looks like someone who just got caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to. But Will doesn’t look away. He instead focuses his gaze, softens it, almost, his eyebrows twitch and he closes his mouth, swallowing. 

Love of my life, don’t leave me

You’ve taken my love, and now desert me

Love of my life can’t you see?

Bring it back, bring it back

Don’t take it away from me

Because you don’t know what it means to me

There is something akin to desperation in Will's eyes as Mike refuses to break eye contact. He isn’t sure where all this bravery is coming from, but it’s about time. 

Mike, because he’s stupid, looks down at Will’s lip, and makes note of how they part, inhaling quickly. He snaps his gaze back up as the next lyrics ring in his ears and to his absolute horror, Will’s lips move ever so slightly, mouthing the lyrics and reshaping Mike's world. It’s barely even noticeable, the kind of mouthing where your jaw moves up and down ever so slightly, making space for your tongue to do all the work.

And when I grow older

I will be there at your side to remind you

How I still love you

Mike is dead. There is no other explanation of what is happening. His brain feels so empty, apart from all the ways he wants to describe Will’s face.

He could write an entire page just on his eyes alone, the shape of them, the color that changes ever so slightly with the light, how Mike never saw a pair of eyes so beautiful, that resembled Will’s. Not even the color.  And he looked. He looked a lot. Will was in New York somewhere and Mike couldn’t help but look for him in every street, restaurant, college apartment. He would move onto the nose, the bridge of it, the way it’s not perfect, but for Mike it is, then he would trail down to the mouth and he would describe the feeling of it, if only he knew. He would map out his entire face, touching the cheeks to be able to describe the softness, the stubble that can grow, that Mike can see if he looks close enough, but he’s always looking close enough. He would then go back up to the eyes and count every single eyelash, how well they suit him, how dark and long they are and he would not stop staring at his eyes, tearing his gaze up to the expressive and full eyebrows, who show so much with so little effort. The ears, one now pierced, the gold blinking in the dark room, and gold really is his color. 

Mike’s eyes are lidded, and the song is ending, and he can’t look away. Will is not saying anything, he’s not looking away. His eyes don’t drift. They remain planted on Mikes eyes, even though Will focuses his gaze on one of it at a time, jumping from one eye to the other. Observing, almost. Mike, almost on instinct, tilts his face forward, just an inch.

The 10 seconds of absolute silence is… something. 

Mike gets jolted awake by… 

“Is that Led Zeppelin?" Will mumbles, blinking rapidly. 

“Whole Lotta Love.” Mike breathes out and Will gives him a puzzled look.

Mike clears his throat. “The name of the song. ‘Whole Lotta Love’, you know…” Mike swallows as the guitar and drums fill the room and the noise starts up again, Kali’s interrupted squealing making everyone laugh. 

“Oh.” Will breathes out, He looks away, then swallows. Mike sees his profile, and he could spend another hour writing about it. Maybe that would help. To get over these feelings.

Mike really wants to rub at his chest right now. Seek some comfort in his heart that is really out of control. He refrains from it. 

“Mike.” Mike snaps his head towards Will, only for a camera to be showed in front of him and click, the flash making him flinch. 

“Ow, oh my god.” he rubs his eyes but it’s worth it when he hears Will huff out a laugh. 

“Guys, before we all get absolutely smashed let’s take a group picture!” Jonathan screams from the radio. Screams erupt and Mike has to briefly cover his ears because it was so quiet just minutes before…

Mike always hated taking pictures. Even now. He just looks awkward in them, he’s not photogenic. His smile looks wrong, there is always something wrong with his hair, or with his hands or his eyes are closed… He can count on one hand the pictures where he looks as happy as he remembers. Will is in every single one of them. It could be because of him too, Mike is well aware of that, considering that he’s looking at him in every picture. He just looks so much happier with Will next to him. He feels so much happier. 

Again, Mike gravitates towards Will without even meaning to, so of course they end up next to each other on the left side, next to Lucas. 

“Relax your face Mike.” Will turns to him, holding back a smile. 

“You know how much I hate taking pictures. I’m not photogenic like you.” he points out and he could swear he sees Will’s ears turn pink. 

“I’m not photogenic. I’m just happy. You looked happy moments ago.”

“I’m camera shy.” Mike leans close to Will's ear. Will snorts. Mike makes a face at him. 

“Sorry, sorry.” he whispers back. 

“Look at the camera!” Jonathan yells, putting the timer on the camera and running to get himself into the picture. 

The flash starts blinking like a countdown. 

“Just think about something that makes you happy. Like you failed to do in elementary” Will whispers before turning to the camera.

It wasn’t even funny, yet Mike fails to hold back a laugh as the flash clicks. 

“Good job guys!” roars Nancy’s voice as Robin mumbles “I think I blinked” in front of him. 

“Jonathan!” Will walks over and gives him the digital camera he stole earlier. Take a picture of us.” On the way back to Mike he collects Lucas and Dustin. Lucas, tipsy, cheers. 

Will comes to stand beside Mike. Dustin lowers himself to the floor, holding up the hand sign Eddie used all the time. 

Lucas moves behind Mike and Will, grabbing both of their shoulders and pushing them together, like they weren’t close enough already. 

“I jump and you take the picture.” he instructs to a Jonathan who shakes his head but complies. 

Mike shares a look with Will when the camera clicks. Fuck. 

He watches Max’s smitten smile from the sideline. 

“Max, Jane come on!” he calls. 

El tucks herself into Mikes side, and Max comes to stand next to Will, who puts an arm around her. When the flash clicks for the fifth time, Max is staring at Lucas, smiling, Will, Dustin, and Lucas look at the camera, El looks at Dustin on the floor, and Mike looks at Will. 

What a group they are. 

///////////////////////////////////////////////////

The heavy stuff gets brought out after that. Mike, Will and Nancy are probably the only people who aren’t drinking. 

Mike is thoroughly enjoying the punch, watching the other take their turn at truth or dare, then never have I ever.

It gets awkward and funny when questions like ‘never have I ever had a crush on one of the people in this room’ and everyone drinks or ‘never have I ever made out with someone who was in a relationship, breaks included’ were asked. But it was still fun, a little bit weird to do with your sister and you… oh my god in-law. Mike is going to dieeee.

The Byers are going to be… oh no, no, no. Nope. No. Stop. Now. What the hell. No. Ew. 

Steve is of course the first who notices the engagement ring, and the room goes berserk. Everyone is suddenly hugging everyone, Max is punching him because he didn’t ‘spill the tea’ when they got there. Jonathan and Will have a private talk in Jonathans room, which Mike is not going to think about, and they celebrate. 

Around one am is where the shit starts. 

Jonathan is putting Cassette after cassette and Mike wonders just how many he has prepared for tonight. He voices this to Kali, who talks about giving him 5 when they arrived. At least they have somewhat good taste. 

He talks to Vickie, who talks a lot, but they match each other's energy, not caring when they inevitably interrupt each other during a story. He laughs with Dustin and Steve and Max over what happened in ‘84 and how ridiculous they looked, how Steve hoped Max was a better driver now. She isn’t. 

He talked to Robin and Will over their lives. College, love-life's Robin kept bringing up for some reason, and the time her and Will stole drugs from the hospital. Mike is still appalled by that to this day. 

Will and him sit on the couch again, close, yes, still as close as before. Everyone is drunk. 

“You know I think apart from Nancy we are the only people still sober.” 

Will raises an eyebrow then laughs. “You? With the punch?”

Mike frowns. “What?”

Will suddenly stands up straighter. “Mike… You know punch is usually a variety of juices and alcohol, right?”

“WHAT? NANCY!” he screams over the music, that has somehow become louder

“WHAT?” she screams right back.

“DID YOU SPIKE THE FUCKING PUNCH?” 

“YES, YOU SAW ME MAKE IT”

“FUCK” Mike puts the drink down, eyeing it with disdain.

“How many did you drink?” Mike notices the tension on Will's shoulders immediately, and he realizes he has practically screamed into Will's ear. Sorry. He immediately lowers his voice, leaning closer to be heard. 

“Like… 5 or 6 I think.” he whispers.

“Do you… do you feel normal?” he asks, an edge to his voice

“Yeah… I mean. Yes. A little bit… looser maybe. But pretty normal.”

Will nods. You do smell like whiskey a little bit.” he says. 

Mike groans, falling back against the love- no couch. Well, at least that explains why his mind is slipping up so much. He rubs his hands over his face. “I was meant to drive home,” he says. 

“I can bring you.” Will offers immediately. “Isn’t your apartment on the other side of town?” Mike did not ask Jonathan where he lived and Jonathan never provided a rough couple of blocks. 

“Yeah, but it’s fine, really. I like driving.I need to bring Lucas and Max either way. Nancy is taking care of El, Kali, Robin and Vickie.”

“Thank you.” Mike mumbles. Will smiles. 

Mike recognizes Billy Joel the second it comes on. The name of the song escapes him though.

I’m going to get some water and something to eat.” he states. Do you want something?”

Will shakes his head, though he stands up. 

“I’ll go with you. Get some more soda.” he shrugs. 

Mike cranes his head, listening as lyrics take over

Why are you still so afraid? Mmm

Where’s the fire? What’s the hurry about?

You’d better cool it off before you burn it out

You’ve got so much to do

And only so many hours in a day, hey

Mike giggles at the lyrics, then catches himself. 

“What are you laughing at?” Will is smiling at him. 

“They lyrics of the song. Like, it’s mocking me it feels like. Also, I know damn well Jonathan didn’t put this in this own cassette.”

“I’m pretty sure Jane did this one.” Will shrugs. 

Mike almost giggles. Almost. Then he frowns. 

“God, I feel too drunk. It’s like my senses are amplified, but I’m slow. I hate this. Also, I notice too much. I think too much. I hate this. Oh my god.” 

Mike suddenly spins around, finding himself chest to chest with Will. Mike’s taller. he smiles about it. Then frowns. 

“It’s like the second my brain realized I had alcohol in my system it decided to hit on full-force. It makes me feel.” Mike thinks about it. “Bad.” he settles on this. It feels like the right word. 

Will frowns. “Bad?” he asks, voice low, like he’s muttering it to himself. Mike wants to lean closer. “My sister had some problems with drinking.” Mike whispers, matching Will’s tone like it’s the most natural thing to do. It is, for him. “I mean, my mom too, and my dad is just apathetic, so I don’t really know. I don’t like drinking. It’s technically my second time. How much alcohol do you think I have in my system?” 

Will swallows, and Mike has to follow his Adams apple when he does. God, he wishes he put the pink of his neck there. “Not too much.” Mike focuses on his eyes again. He tries very hard actually. 

Mike downs multiple glasses of water the seconds they walk into the kitchen. 

And you know that when the truth is told

That you can get what you want or you can just get old

You’re gonna kick off before you even get halfway through, ooh 

Mike frowns, and his face is apparently funny, because Will is smiling up at him. 

“The lyrics make me sad. I don’t want to get old.” Mike’s shoulder slump, and it gets a few moments for Will to catch up with his train of thoughts. But he gets it. Really fast. He gets it because Will gets him. 

“You’d rather get what you want?” 

Mike suddenly feels more awake. “Yeah.” he doesn’t meet his eyes. “Doesn’t mean it’s easy though.” He can feel Will staring at him, like he’s waiting for Mike to look before he does something.

Mike’s next words get swallowed by a shriek as he feels cold wetness on his shoulder, his front and back of his shirt. 

“Oh my god. Shit, sorry.” 

Vienna waits for you

Robin looks genuinely apologetic as Mike shudders all over. He’s drenched, like, half a bottle of white wine is now on his new shirt. Goddammit. 

Mike flays his arms, trying to get his shirt to not stick to his skin. He fails miserably. 

“I need a new shirt.”

////////////////////////////////////

Mike doesn’t know why Will locks himself in the bathroom with him, nor why he insists on trying to clean the shirt with a rag, fucking dabbing it on his chest. Like, Will is insane. Does he know what the hell he’s doing? Like. This is the 5the time, but Mike is dying over here, thank you very much. It’s really not fair that Will is touching him like this, and he’s not allowed to do it back. 

Isn’t he?

Of course he fucking isn’t. So all that’s left is staring at him, who is pointedly avoiding his gaze. Will touches him so reverently. Like he’s something special, precious and unattainable. Like you touch something expensive as a kid, not quite managing to keep your hands to yourself, but being so afraid to break it you treat it with extreme care. And Mike aches. God. 

Will coughs, then, like he’s snapping out of something. 

“Yeah, no, there’s no salvaging this shirt tonight.” he says, stepping back. He doesn’t go far, as the bathroom isn’t that big, the washing machine occupying most of it. Yet, it’s too far. Mike feels better now. More sober than what he was minutes before. It could be all the blood pumping in his veins, making the alcohol process faster, if that even works like that. Maybe. 

“Could have told you that.” Mike smiles at him. Will rolls his eyes and throws the rag at him. Mike laughs. 

The shirt still sticks uncomfortably to his skin, though there is warmth on his chest now, from Will’s hands. Mike leans further against the sink. 

“Pass me the backpack?” Mike gestures on the washing machine and Will scrambles in surprise, eyes darting quickly, words processing. Mike finds it endearing. 

Mike only has the sweater he came with and a Madonna T-Shirt Will gifted him as a joke before graduation. He blushes at the thought of having to put it on for Will to see. 

Actually, Mike has to remove his wet button-up first, which may be a bigger problem. You see, Mike was a stupid 18 year old, and he got a tattoo. Definitely not of a shield. Jesus Christ. That is the main reason he doesn’t get drunk anymore. God, he doesn’t even know how he turned up to the tattoo shop at like 7pm. Tyler saw it the next day and had a field day. Mike wanted to die ever since. How do you explain something like that? Jesus. 

Technically, Will doesn’t know that Mike figured out he lied about the painting, which he doesn’t like to think about long enough, because one, it hurts, two, because Mike always ruins things. So, he has a tattoo on his right hip. He thinks the placement is also telling, considering Will has his scar there, when Nancy burned the Mind Flayer out of him. Mike shudders just thinking about it. 

Will is working on something in front of him, turned away from Mike. 

“Take your shirt off.” he says, noncommittally, though his voice betrays him. Mike is an idiot. 

“I didn’t think it would happen like that.” he usually thinks before he speaks, why didn’t he think just now? Fuck.

Will’s head, much to Mike’s horror, snaps towards him, almost getting whiplash by how fast it moves. Will’s eyes are bulging out of his skin, his pupils are… dilated, and Mike thinks that maybe his breathing pattern changed, a bit faster now, before settling and matching Mikes. Like that’s any better. 

Mike smacks his lips, looking away, “Sorry.” he mumbles, then fumbles with the button of his shirt. He doesn’t fully take it off, just lets it open, not revealing the incriminating red heart and yellow crown on the silver shield just out of view. Will looks, like, really looks. Mike isn’t sure if he finds whatever he’s looking for, if he can find it on Mike’s chest. 

It looks like it takes a lot of man-power to tear his gaze away from Mike's chest, spinning back around, mumbling something Mike can’t quite catch. 

Mike is fast, putting on his T-Shirt, leaving the sweater off in favor of opening the tab and rinsing his sticky new shirt.

Faintly, though the door Mike hears ‘Under pressure’ starting. He’s kind of pissed he’s missing it to be honest. Queen and Bowie together? Sign him up.

Will snorts behind him, and Mike looks up, meeting Will gaze from the mirror. 

“I gave you that shirt,” he muses. “Thought you hated Madonna.”

Mike feels his cheeks getting hotter by the second, not sure if it’s the statement or the way Will is scanning his entire body. 

“It’s comfortable.” He doesn’t say he misses Will so badly most days he needs this to ground himself. He doesn’t say, because that’s weird. His therapist says it’s normal to be so attached in the beginning, but Mike has always been like that, probably worse. 

Mike dries his hands on the towel, before deciding it’s better to put the dark blue sweater on. 

Will is looking at him again, this… uncertainty in his eyes, and something more, something like hope. A little smile plays on his lips, a teasing one and he stares at Mike, trying to find something in his eyes. He does find it, apparently, because his eyes seem to widen just a tiny bit before jumping from his eyes, to his nose, eyebrows, even mouth, if Mike hopes enough. He takes a step closer, and Mike instantly gravitates towards him, leaning just enough not to be noticed. 

It’s the terror of knowing what this world is about

Watching some good friends screaming “Let me out”

“It’s a shame, I liked the shirt.” Will’s tone is different, like he’s trying to put on a performance. Mike frowns. “What are you doing?” 

Will’s face goes through a series of different emotions, Mike not managing to catch any of them, but he recognizes the face Will settles on, and Mike knows he doesn’t mean to show it, but Will is his best friend and it’s clear as day. It’s the same look he had when he came out. Terrified. And sad. Maybe heartbreak. He takes a step back and refuses to meet Mike’s eyes again. 

Chipping around, kick my brains around the floor

These are the days, it never rains but it pours

Mike has to blink a few times before what happened truly registers. When it does, his face feels hot. Will still looks at his feet, pinching the skin on his fingers, a habit developed when he’s stressed.  “Oh.” it’s the only thing he manages, apparently loud enough for Will to hear, since his gaze snaps up, eyes wide and scared, breathing a little bit erratic. 

Did Will just try and flirt with him?

When Mike meets Wills eyes, mouth parted in surprise he notes how Wills pupils dilate with the passing seconds, face muscles relaxing. 

Mike wants to kiss him. That is not a new thought. The thing is, Mike thinks that maybe Will may want that too. Stupid, stupid stupid, yes, but Mike is hopelessly in love with the boy, give him a break. 

He takes a step forward, and he thanks whatever god there may be up there that the door and the washing machine are next to each other. 

Mike sees perfectly how Will tries to become one with the object, hands now grabbing at the hem of his shirt. 

“Will,” he starts, but the boy shuts him up. 

“Don’t. Just- don’t, Mike, please.” 

“I didn’t even..”

“You didn’t have to. Please just-”

Mike gets incredible deja-vu at that. He remembers it being the other way around. 

Can’t we give ourselves one more chance?

Why can’t we give love that one more chance?

Why can’t we give love, give love, give love, give love

give love, give love, give love, give love, give love

Mike doesn’t even think ‘fuck it’ before he’s in Will’s space, crowding him on the washing machine and kissing him. It doesn’t even properly register in his mind, not until Will’s hand fly up to his shoulders, gripping tightly, not pushing away, but not pulling closer either. Mike breaks the kiss, that was actually just a really nice pressing of mouths, with a little noise Will made when their lips collided. 

The first and only thing Mike registers is the dilation of Will’s pupils. It drives him crazy. 

This is our last dance

This is ourselves

Under pressure

Mike gets reeled back in with a suddenness and force that takes all the air out of his lungs. 

He’s ready this time. Their lips find each other easily, like they've been doing this all along. Mike’s stomach drops to his fucking feet because holy shit. Holy shit he’s being kissed by Will Byers. He’s… He’s being thoroughly kissed by Will Byers Jesus Christ. It’s like they’re both starving. Pushing and pulling at each other, hands gripping tightly. 

If at 15 years old he thought kissing was overrated, well, now he knows the reason why. 

Will kisses like he does everything else. With everything he has. He grips Mike’s shoulders, pulling him closer. Mike feels how Will is a little unstable, having to have gone on his tip toes to actually reach Mike's mouth. Mike’s hands move to his waist, circling it and leaning down, letting Will get into a more comfortable position. He’s still crowding him against the washing machine, and one of Will's hand moves to grip at it, the other tracing Mike’s arm and then going up, up to his neck, then cheek, and finally settling on the back of his head, tilting it even closer, pulling at the hair at the nape, and Mike stops aching. 

His right arm moves to Will’s neck, needing to feel skin. It’s warm and soft, and Will is breathing him in, his pulse erratic, the skin slightly pink when they pull away briefly to breathe, before crashing into each other again, with the same kind of hunger as before. 

Teeth clacking together every once in a while, brows furrowed in concentration, Mike's hand gripping Will’s waist hard enough to bruise, his other hands roaming through his back and neck and sliding under his collar, because…skin. Will’s hands are in his hair, pulling and scratching and it feels good. Nicer than it has ever felt with anyone else. 

It’s probably because it’s Will, and everything feels good with Will. Mike’s face is getting hotter by the second, but Will’s face feels especially warm, so he has nothing to worry about. 

He doesn't know how much time passes exactly, just knows that at one point the kiss turns softer. The hands that were once gripping at Will’s waist are now resting there, thumbs drawing little circles onto the skin. Will’s hands are around his neck, playing with strands of Mike's hair, still pulling, but softer. His face feels more relaxed, the pace isn’t as brutal anymore. Mike’s stomach is doing summersaults. They’re still pulling each other close, every inch of their bodies touching, but so reverently. Like they’re being careful. Like little kids. 

The kiss turns softer too. Now many presses of mouth against each other, nipping at lips sometimes, and smiling. Will’s smiling a lot, and it’s contagious. Mike gasps when Will's hands move under his sweater and shirt, feeling his back, but Will sighs into the kisses and it’s all forgotten. 

It’s all so soft. Mike’s heart has calmed, now beating at a steady rhythm, in sync with Wills. Every time they part and breathe before gravity pulls them back together Mike’s eyes flutter and he nuzzles his nose into Will’s cheek, because Will doesn’t mind. 

“I need the bathroom, who is IN THERE?” comes a booming voice, that makes them both jump apart, like they’ve been burned. Will looks… Good. Fuck he looks gorgeous. His hair is somewhat okay, but his lips are swollen and pinker, his shirt is all messed up, ridden up at the sides. There are finger prints on his collarbone and Mike shudders, because he knows exactly who they belong to. 

Max pounds at the door again. Mike and Will are still looking at each other, until Will scrambles, turning around.

Mike is quick to grab his things, but stops when he looks at himself in the mirror. He looks wrecked. 

His hair is all messed up, frizzy from grabbing, pulling and separating the curls. His bangs are all over the place, his lips are swollen, really swollen and red and they’re tingling now that he notices. His sweater is okay, wrinkled on his right side, where Wills hand had snaked up there just moments before. 

Mike definitely looks like he just got kissed. Will too. Max is suddenly on the toilet, vomiting, and Mike wonders when Will had the time to unlock the door and let her in, but he turns and Will is nowhere to be seen. The pit in Mikes stomach returns, and his lips suddenly feel very dry. 

“Get me some fucking water.” Max groans from the floor, apparently not planning on moving. Mike holds out the plastic cup with ‘Mike’ written on it. He could care less, he’s terrified of going out there now. 

He stays with Max instead, patting her shoulders for about ten minutes before Lucas comes barreling in and goes into protective mode. Mike can see how Max tries to hide the fact that she’s enjoying herself very much. 

Mike walks out of the bathroom and finds Will immediately. Robin is talking to her girlfriend and Will has joined them, though he seems stuck in his own world. Mike grabs his arm and takes him to the guest bedroom, with a lot of resistance from Will, and it kind of hurts to be honest. 

“Will” he starts, but gets interrupted again.

“I don’t know why you would do that, but that was really not okay, Mike.” 

Mike is suddenly at a loss for words. What? What did he do? He… He was wrong. He thought he was in the beginning, but… Will kissed him too. He kissed back both times. It wasn’t just one single kiss. There were a lot of kisses. Sweet. He was smiling into them. 

“But you kissed me?” Mike whispers, confusion etched in his tone. He’s hurt too, but he’s good at hiding that particular emotion. 

“Yeah. You’re drunk Mike. I shouldn’t have done that. That was stupid.” 

“Would you have done it if I was sober?”

“No.”

Mike seethes. “You’re being a fucking asshole.” 

Will’s eyebrows jump up. “Sorry?”

“I said you’re being an asshole. You- God, you kissed me. That. What the hell man?” 

Will scoffs. “I’m an asshole because you- we made a mistake? I don’t know what you were trying to achieve-”

“Will you were fucking mouthing the lyrics to ‘love of my life’ directly to my face, don’t bullshit me.”

Wills voice is less sure now when he says, “Wow, you really did drink a lot.” 

Mike stops. His mouth closes and he feels his eyes start to sting. That’s not fair. He wants to say. I didn’t mean to. Did I accidentally imagine everything that happened because I was drunk? Mike blinks rapidly. 

Will walks away and Mike sits on the bed. He’s crying, because it hurts. And yet, he still can’t bring himself to regret any of it. He couldn’t have imagined everything, could he? The way Will hugged him when they saw each other, the way he reacted when he saw Mike’s eyeliner…

It’s a fucking joke, because Heroes starts playing outside, and he just lost Will, again. This song seems to follows him every time he does. Mike’s not sure how to get him back this time. Not even as a friend. He’s not sure he could survive it. Not sure he could be a friend to Will after that. It felt so real, it couldn’t have been a mistake. Not just a mistake. Maybe a tiny bit, Mike could make peace with that. Who is he kidding, he could never. 

God, he’s so fucking stupid. 

/////////////////////////////////////////////////

More hours pass, and Mike mingles with everyone but Will. Will, for the most part talks to Robin. Mike would have been jealous once upon a time, because they’re so much closer, and Mike wants to be there for Will in a way he can’t anymore. He wonders if it would have been better to never realize. Never realize the painting, his feelings. Maybe he could have still been the friend Will needs right now, not the guy he made out with, reasons still unknown to Mike. 

“Mike.” Mike's gaze snaps up, finding Will’s eyes. “I’m bringing Max and Lucas home, are you coming?” he whispers it.

Mike blinks. “You still want me to?” He's still matching Will's tone of voice. He always is, unless screaming is involved. 

Will nods, some kind of emotion passing through his face. Mike wants to be able to read him like an open book again. 

“Of course, Mike. I offered.” 

Mike doesn’t mention what happened in the span of offering it and now. Though he thinks about it. He couldn’t stop thinking about it actually. The way Will kissed him. Not the first time, when everything calmed down, the pace was slow and Mike felt goosebumps all over, shivers and butterflies. 

They go to Lucas and Max’s Hotel first. Will helps Lucas into the elevator. He’s gone, bone tired and leaning against Will. Mike memorizes exactly where they’re touching. 

Max is lighter, she’s also less drunk, having puked the contents. She’s still very giggly though, and it's weird seeing her like that. But she’s being affectionate, which is really rare, and Mike likes the contact. It’s grounding. Max says she’ll take it from there, when Lucas falls into the bed, groaning and reaching for his girlfriend. Will and Mike agree, nodding and closing the door. 

The ride to Mike’s apartment is silent. He doesn’t ask how Will has his exact address, and maybe he doesn’t even want to know. It would hurt. Mike tries to speak, but Wills answers are always clipped short, or he just says “Mike” in that tone of voice that translate to “please. I can’t do this right now.” The silence between them sticks, uncomfortable and heavy, and Mike hates it. It has never been like this. Not even in California, when they where fighting. This silence is different, like it’s laced with guilt. But no matter how much Mike tries, he can’t feel guilty. He can’t. His heart won’t let him. 

It was so good it screams, you want more.

Mike hasn’t stopped aching since the bathroom. 

Will doesn’t say anything when he parks in front of the entrance. Mike sighs. He’s determined. They’re going to spend an entire week together. At least they can talk. Properly so. And if Mike makes it worse… then he can just not show his face again. But this tension is killing him. So he turns to Will.

“Can we talk?” 

Will straightens up immediately, like he hadn’t been expecting Mike to say anything. 

“About…” he trails off, like he can’t say it. Like saying it makes it real. 

“We kissed.” Mike states, and he’s choosing his words very carefully. We kissed. Not I kissed you, you kissed me. We kissed. Mutual. Something they both actually did. He sees Will’s throat bob. 

“Okay.” Will’s voice shakes, and Mike’s heart plummets. He doesn’t want to make Will sad, why is he sad? “Talk.” 

“Come  upstairs.” At this, Will turns his head. Mike looks away. “Not long, just for a cup of tea, or whatever. So we can talk properly. I don’t…” Mike hesitates. “I don’t want to say the wrong thing.” 

“What’s the right thing to say?” Will mumbles under his breath, but it’s clear that Mike was not supposed to hear it, so he pretends he doesn’t. 

“Just for a minute. Please, Will. I don’t want to… I don’t want us to end like this. Please.” his voice cracks, and he regrets it immediately. How is Mike supposed to have a conversation when he can barely hold back tears? 

The thing with him is that he’s either screaming at a much too loud volume or he’s sobbing, barely able to get the words out. Mike is not about to scream at Will. 

“Okay.” comes another mumble, then louder, “Okay.”

They find themselves in Mike's apartment on the second floor. Mike takes notes of the bottles of wine from the night before. Will sees them too.

“You said you didn’t drink.” he whispers.

“My friends came over yesterday, they do.” Mike shrugs, removing his jacket and shoes. Will keeps his on. It’s a clear boundary. I’ll be leaving. 

“Mike-” Mike really needs Will to stop saying his name like that. It’s all soft and it makes Mike’s insides all mushy and warm, and the tone carries so much love in it, Mike doesn’t know what to do with it. 

“Why did you say that?” he asks, taking a deep breath to steady himself. “You could have just told me it… I don’t know, you didn’t want to, and I don’t think I would have believed you either way, but you… You said it was a mistake, you said that I was imagining everything, you… You said it meant nothing and that hurts.”

Mike doesn’t think he’s ever been this honest about his feelings. Will deserves all the honesty in the world.

“What did you want me to say?” Will’s voice is louder, like he’s defending himself, but really it sounds more like an attack. 

“What would have been the right thing to say then? You kissed me. God, you got drunk and then you were kissing me, what am I supposed to think?”

“I don’t know!” Mike, as always, matches his tone. “I don’t know, not that. Everything but that.” he gestures widely in the air. 

“I didn’t mean to get drunk. I told you I didn’t want to, I told you the reason and you threw it back in my face when it wasn’t even my fault! Why are we even talking about this? We’re supposed to talk about the fact that we spent an ungodly amount of time kissing! You can’t just hide behind calling this a mistake, because if it really was, then it wouldn’t have lasted that long!” Mike’s voice is raised, just enough for it to bother him. He swallows, as Will is quiet. 

“I don’t know what you want from me!” Will's voice gets louder. “What am I supposed to tell you?”

Mike makes a point to take a deep breath and lower his voice. “Not lie.” he says. 

“Like I lie all the time to you.” Will crosses his arms, voice steadier. 

“You’re right.” Mike scoffs, “You only lie when it matters the most. And that makes it worse.”

Will gapes at him. “When the fuck have I ever lied to you!” his voice, so loud again. 

The dam breaks, and Mike feels the words leave his mouth loud, too loud. 

“Your fucking lie is hanging on my bedroom wall!” 

Will flinches, and Mike’s not sure if it’s because of his tone of voice, or what Mike just said. Maybe both. Will looks caught, like a deer in headlights.

“Do you think I’m that stupid?” Mike asks, “that I would never figure it out?”

“I thought we were talking about me kissing you.” and it’s Will's choice of words, mixed with something akin to fear.

“I kissed you back. And I initiated it.” Mike feels like that’s important information for Will to realize. And it looks like it’s the first time he’s really taking it into consideration.

“Why?” Will asks, pinching the skin on his fingers.  

Mike doesn’t know how to answer that question without ruining everything. He’s sick of lying, and he wants Will so bad. Whatever way he’ll have him. But he can’t. He can’t because he’s not sure he can ever go back to behaving like Will isn’t the most important person in his fucking life. Fuck everyone else. Will has always and will always come first. He’s sure Lucas thinks that way too about Max and if that isn’t telling enough. 

“Because I wanted to.” Mike had to say something, at some point, they had been quiet a beat too long. 

“Why?” Mike probably did not think it through. Definitely did not think it through. Why? Why? Because I love you? Because I need you? Because I want you? 

“Why did you lie?” Mike asks instead, “about El commissioning the painting.”

“Why does it matter?” Will is angry again, he’s angry and he’s gripping the sleeves of his jacket. “It was 7 years ago, Mike. It doesn't matter anymore.”

“It matters to me.” 

“Why? You aren’t making any sense. The last time I saw you you didn’t even talk to me! You barely even showed your face, and then I see you after months, and talking is nice, but you don’t tell me anything, I don’t know anything about you, god! You see me after months and you kiss me? Why?” 

“It’s not like you tell me anything in your letters. I have multiple letters where you asked about the weather or what I had been reading lately. That’s small talk Will. We don’t do small talk. Why do you barely even hold a meaningful conversation when you’re around me? I thought we were okay! I thought everything was going to be okay after graduation, not that you would all start pulling away.” 

“You pulled away too!” Will screams. 

“You know exactly why I did it, though, don’t you? I apologized about it. I explained it. I-” Mike’s voice breaks. “Why are you still mad about that? I’m trying.”

“I just want to move on, Mike. I need to move on and let this… this shit behind me. It’s killing me, I can’t do it!” Will exclaims, turning around so that Mike can only look at his back. 

“Move on from what?” Mike’s voice is laced with hurt. It hurts. Move on? “I know you have every right to move on, I know you’ve been one of the people most affected by all the Upside Down bullshit, but do you really want to forget Hawkings? Leave everyone there?” 

“You’re so stupid sometimes you know that?” Will’s shoulders shake. 

“I don’t understand, Will? We keep changing subjects and you keep talking in riddles.” 

“I want to leave.” Will sounds defeated and Mike’s heart breaks all over.

“Will, please, just talk to me. Tell me. Please.” Mike is begging, and it’s pathetic. 

“Why did you kiss me? Why… Why would you so that to me? After… You knew, yet you kissed me.” 

“I don’t understand.” Mike whispers, taking a step closer. “I know what?” 

“Don’t make me say it out loud, please. You were well aware of my feelings in high-school.” 

Mike blinks the tears away, confusion replacing his features. “Your feelings? You had feelings for someone in high-school? I thought you got over that person. You… You said so at the squawk.”

Will sniffs, and Mike hates himself. “I was lying through my teeth, Mike. I couldn’t stand loosing anyone, you of all people, so I lied. I looked you in the eyes and lied, exactly like I did a year before.” Will is still turned away. 

“Will… I don’t know who you liked at the time, you never told me.” 

Will spins around, and Mike gets a good look at his face, tears have already started to spill over. Some dried, and Mike wants to reach out. 

“I did tell you. You- we talked about it at the tower. You said you were sorry.” 

“Yeah, because of the way I treated you before. For what I said in ‘85. What… What did you think I was doing?”

Will’s anger gets to him again. He’s still crying, but he ignores the tears. 

“I thought you were rejecting me, Mike. You- What the fuck was the ‘best friends’ thing for?” 

“I didn’t want you to think I saw you any different,” Mike argues, “Rejecting you? Wh-” Mike stops. 

It connects. Every glace from Will for as long as Mike remembers, how Will looked at him when he was coming out. Mike thought it was just for comfort. 

All the times Will said Mike was the one to get him out of his possession and trances, when Max said you needed someone you loved, the way it barely worked with Mrs. Byers. 

Will looks so scared. His face looks so sad and terrified and his hands are shaking.

“Are you satisfied? I want to go, please.” Will whispers, so soft, but he’s not moving from his spot. He doesn’t move when Mike takes a step forward. 

“Will.” Mike speaking apparently breaks Will out of his trance as he almost sprints to the door, trying to open it with his shaking hands. 

Mike is on him in seconds, and suddenly they’re standing chest to chest in Mikes apartment. Will’s hands are on Mike’s chest, slightly curled in the fabric of his sweater, keeping him there. Not pulling, nor pushing. Will is looking, his eyes are red and Mike hates himself. 

He brings up a hand to wipe the wet tears away, and Will shudders. 

“Please don’t do this to me.” he whispers. 

“Will, you… You have to know that I’ve been going crazy.” Mike blinks, several times. And he shouldn’t be so scared, but he is for some reason. 

“I… I’m so in love with you it hurts every day. I… I care about you so badly I don’t even know where to put all my feelings. I didn’t know. I’m always late to these things, I’m really sorry. Please.” Mike drops his forehead against Wills, who’s breath stutters. The hands on his chest tighten. 

“Mike.” God. Mike can’t do it. He thinks he might combust at any moment. 

Mike is aware of the door behind Will, blocking him from moving. It’s torture, taking a step back. Leaving space for Will to run, if he wanted to. It surprises him when Will just follows him, his back no longer at the door, their breathing still mingling together. 

Now that everything has come to light, Mike feels like he can confess more. It pours out of him, like the cruel words that slipped all those years ago. 

“I wanted it to be from you. I wanted the painting to be from you so badly. What you said, your ideas. I wanted you to tell me I didn't have to stay with her if it didn’t make us happy. I wanted to hug you so badly all the time it scared me to death. And you looked so nice when I saw you. And you and El looked so alike and for a moment I could swear you were her. And-” Mike's breath hitches, “It was easier loving her like that. Seeing you made it so much easier. I hate myself for it. Because… Because I knew…

I knew I could love her, I know. I just didn’t want to. Every…” Mike isn’t exactly sobbing, right now, but he’s very close to it. His nose is clogged and he can feel the headache he’s going to have in a few hours. 

“Every time I tried I would mix stuff up. Talk about things that I wanted to talk about with you, and she hated it, because we have so little in common. Just our shared trauma, which is ridiculous, because she has so much of it and I have so little. I just. I could have loved her but I chose not to. You were- You are everything. I… I’m sorry I told you this, because you don’t deserve it. You deserve someone who can love you just the way you love them. I just…” Yeah, okay, now he’s sobbing, and his breaths are short. His eyes have been squeezed shut the entire time, tears spilling from them. His breathing is really unsteady, and he feels gross all over. 

“I just want you to need me so bad.” he sobs, because he’s weak, but Will is still holding him in place, maybe a bit tighter than before. 

“I needed you to want me.” it’s whispered so quiet, so broken that Mike can’t help the sobs that escape him at Wills confession. He feels pathetic and ripped open. 

Here, here is the real me, here is every secret you didn’t know, which is just really you, because you already know everything but me. Here is every thought I ever had, every feeling, every butterfly, every glance of the lips, every smile, every conversation. It’s all here, laid out for you and labeled. I labeled it and divided it into how important they felt. Here is every subtext in a conversation with you that I’m pretty sure you didn’t notice. Here’s my heart, you have it anyways, but laying it out in front of you feels so much more monumental. Here is the piece of me that is good because of you. Here’s the best version of me, the one that feels important and calls himself the heart while his love intricates and spreads without having to hide anything. Will is actively holding him together. 

“I do. I did.” Mike breathes out. They’re still so close. “I’m sorry I was shit at showing it.” 

“You weren’t. Not most of the time.” Mike can’t tell if Will is crying. His face is wet anyways. 

Will is cradling the pieces that fall out, the broken ones. Treating them like they’re precious, and maybe, for Will, they are. 

“I don’t need you anymore.” Will swallows, and Mike can feel it. He’s not sure he wants to process these words. It feels like he’s saying something else, the way his hands tighten further in his collar. 

“That doesn’t mean I don’t want you. Bad.” Will’s confident in the way he says it. Voice steady. Mike nods, their forehead still pressed together, eyes still shut tightly, hand still cradling Will’s cheek. 

Will is, crying. Now that Mike can feel his body again, he feels tears on his hand. 

Will kisses him for the second time that night. Pulling on his collar, just a tug and Mike is leaning down until their lips meet. 

It’s disgusting. The tears and maybe even snot —but Mike is not going to think about that— mix on their lips, but it’s soft. 

It’s innocent, and Mike wants to cry all over again. It lasts a second, maybe two, then Mike is pulling away, sniffing and finally opening his eyes. He doesn’t go far, hand still on Will’s cheek and Will's hands still on his collar, looser. 

Will is looking at him, a small smile playing on his lips. He notices just that. He focuses on the happy parts of his face. The puffy eyes, crinkled just so.

Mike loves him so much. Damn it. Now he really can never go back. 

“I’m disgusting,” Mike whines, turning his head, and wipes at his nose. 

“I need a tissue. Actually, we need tissues.” he sniffs again, and from the corner of his eyes, Will is smiling at him. He nods, and Mike is already giving him the box. 

The headache is there. His skull is throbbing from all the crying, but as they wipe away at the disgust on their faces, Mike thinks they’re wiping away their shame too. The regret, and ache they brought each other. 

The tissues work well enough. Mike still needs a shower. His front still feels sticky. 

Will and him have always been quiet criers. Trauma. But Mike actively sobbed in Will’s arms today. That feels like an achievement he should tell his therapist. 

They are somewhat trauma bonded, but Mike has loved Will for much longer than that. Platonic or not. The lines blur. 

Will still has his jacket on when Mike looks. It’s open, his vest peaking through. Now that he notices, his shirt underneath is unbuttoned at the top. That happened in the bathroom. It makes Mike’s face heat up. 

“I still need to go home.“ Will whispers, like he’s afraid Mike will forget everything the second Will leaves. 

Mike nods. “Okay.” his voice is scratchy, for some reason and he clears his throat and repeats. 

“Do you want some tea, first?” 

Will looks at the clock behind Mike.

“It’s 4am, Mike.” Mike genuinely can’t tell why Will looks at him like that. Like he’s… heartbroken. 

“Never-mind.” he looks away for a second, then takes several steps closer, ending up in Will’s space. Again, gravity. 

Will seems to relax at that. Mike can’t help but move a strand of Will’s hair out of his face. 

“Do the others have any plans tomorrow?” he whispers. 

Will swallows. “No, it’s recovery time. They’re all hungover. In the evening we’re all meeting up at Nancy’s again.” 

Mike nods. “Would you want to grab lunch, just us?” Mike focuses his eyes back to Will’s. 

“Like.. a date?” Will whispers, neck pink. 

“I would really like it to be.”

“Then it is. Yeah.”

“Cool” Mike is an idiot. 

“You have my address, right?” 

Mike shakes his head. His hand has traveled to Will’s hair, playing with it. Will is leaning into it. 

“Jonathan refused to give it to me. He told me the part of the city, but…” he trails off. 

“Oh.” Will seems to think for a moment, then sighs as Mike’s hand scratches his scalp. 

“I’ll come pick you up at one.” he nods. 

Mike nods back. 

“I really have to go now.” Will whispers. 

Mike hums, his hand still in his hair. 

“Mike.”

“Sorry.” he’s still not moving. 

Will smiles and kisses him. That dislodges Mike’s hand in favor of cradling his cheek. 

Will —the little shit— pulls away, smirking. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Mike nods. “Call me when you get home.”

“Yeah.”

The last thing Mike sees before the door closes is Will’s smile.