Work Text:
"Do not enter" is written on the doorway
Why can't everyone just go away?
The bandages were making the sick boy feel weird, he was stiff all over because of them. And the ache that shots through his spine wasn't helping either... The nightmares, the fears and all the curse have found him when he opened his eyes. Because he wasn't dead. Itoshi Rin wasn't dead. His attempt was, once again, failed. And now the worst part was waiting for him... The aftermath: Suffering.
He had suffered from all of his attempts differently.
For overdose, it was the easiest to commit. However, the aftermath was really poisonous. He can not say it was the worst. Because he knows better. Each of them were the worsts... Back to the topic... Overdose was the poison of the suicide. It makes everything to deceive and lure you to itself first. No one can deny it was appealing, especially when you are tired from all of this spit of the world sticking up to you. Just swallow some pills like you used to swallow candy when you were a kid- And all you need to do is wait. Surely, it would mess with your stomach and inners, will make you restless and uneasy... Though, it won't be that important when the poison finally roots deep inside of your soon-to-be-lifeless body...
Coming to the afterwards was a real hell- Because you will be throwing up all of your misery. Only it to not to vanish as the energy of yours for the life. The retch will cut your air supply, the saliva will burn your skin, the gag reflex will make your barely pumping, or crazily pumping, heart stuck. The aches, which were outcomes of your fucking pathetic suffering, will evolve and fucking conquer every inch of your already weak body. Will slowly, painfully, torturously carve and embrode the poison into your every atom. The poison, which supposed end your suffering, now will amplify it.
For trying to get yourself killed... This one was the shame of te suicide. Well, some of them almost have ended up in police station... When countless times you accidently jumped to the road, or simply didn't see the approaching car... You have a really low chance to be dead, it seems. Because Itoshi Rin wouldn't be thinking these if it wasn't low of a chance. How many cars, how many trucks or even cycles he jumped into? It was just useless, and was risky than the others. Look, he means... He could hide the nausea, the throwing up sessions, the freshly scarred skin from the world. He could always hide his attempts if failed. Coming to this... Not really. If you get hurt but not die... Well, it will look as an car accident, and will extended to a criminal case. If thinking the best case scenario, which Rin never does, it will still be a big headache to his only battered body and mind. You will have to talk with the driver, the polices... If not, at least the parents. 'Oh, why weren't you looking at the road?, How could you not see that?, Are you hiding something from us?' And, hell, it was even more tiresome than doubling up from a failed overdose. And he is saying this, this is a big take, really.
Anyways... It is not like he hides something, though. Come on, who can not take a look at the little Itoshi and can not get somethings are wrong. He was always wrong, anyways. So he never got the hype for his suicidial tendencies. However, it was overlooked and ignored. Not just by his parents but by himself as well. Because what the hell can he even do? He isn't even attempting actively- Well, wasn't. He forgot when he really started. It was instinctive, of course. From his tired, fucked up, cursed, canceric instincts which he hates and will hate even if he's no longer breathing... As for his parents... He honestly doesn't know. They weren't bad parents, not really... However, apparently, it wasn't a geniune problem that their son was fantasizing about killing himself brutally. He was saying this, he had came to this conclusion because he knows. He just knows. It was never talked in their house. Suicide wasn't a discussion in their house, it was a concept which only the younger one has embraced, it seems. And Itoshi never had any complaints. Having not to have suicide topic actively talked in the house gave him more freedom and less concern. Concern of will be questioned- concern of will be punished or will be blamed of. Because his parents simply never talked about it.
...
Back to the topic, yes...
For slicing himself open... This was the blood of the suicide. Always waiting with its open arms for the ones who wants a savage, outstanding, terrifying end. One of the hardests to commit, still the one who had the most satisfied affect. Even when failed, it was a whole experience to have your skin peeled and ripped off from the disgusting body that clearly doesn't belong to you. (At least not in this world.) Though, it will be the hardest to hide if failed. If you were able to hold your pathetic wails and got scared, stopped before the midway... You could have a chance to hide and take care of it alone like a failure you are. Whilst the bloody beasts' cases all different... Bloody beasts are the ones who don't stop whatever- go till the end- till even the bone maybe. They don't pity both themselves and the crime weapon. The blood is the water for them, smiling through its smell to satisfy their bloodthirst... Not like every chance would end in success.
This was how Itoshi Rin, a fucking savage, insatiable bloody beast, was all alone on the sterilezed and all white, too bright to his liking and sensitive eyes, room. It feels like a mental hospital, though he wasn't in one before... This made him remember... His parents used to talk about mental hospitals and Rin- Anyfuckingways, it was buried deep in his dizzy mind. Thus wasn't important. What was important at the moment... is...
1. He wasn't death.
2. The scars hurt beyond enduring.
3. He was alive.
4. His already sluggish body was aching all over.
5. He was still breathing.
6. The nebbish bandages were giving him a whole sensory issues and nightmares-
7. He was not fucking dead-
And oh- An eight reason have been added just now.
8. Itoshi Sae had entered to the room.
To the room.
To the hospital room.
To the hospital room which Rin was trapped in.
To the hospital room which Rin was trapped in forcefully.
To the hospital room which Rin was trapped in forcefully after he tried to kill himself.
Why the fuck was he here? What did they even tell him- Who even did- He never was here, was he? Forget the little injuries he had- but Sae never was here whenever he failed another poor attempt of his...
What have changed now.
Unlike what he has been doing till today- He had his respond. Even immediately.That hoarse, low voice...
S: Rin...
However, this time that familiar name wasn't followed with a familiar 'Nii-chan'. Because... What can he say after that anyways? His head was tilted low in shame. So nothing has changed at all, how hilarious...
He was as pathetic as ever. As that night.
He heard slow footsteps, and had himself ready for the degradations he will hear. He was always ready, anyways... Screw it, he never was. And that was the reason of his trembling lips being bitten at the moment. Eyes burn like they usually don't, throat being ripping by something strong- like unsaid strong desires- unripped heavy thorns... Then, finally...
S: I've heard you kick out everyone who tries to enter...
Silence.
S: They said they can't even get to the midway of the room.
No responses... Because there was none. He does. Rin Itoshi pushes everyone away... Well, apparently everyone but...
R: Except you... You can stay.
His voice was worryingly hoarse and hitched. He can't lie and deny- it was the first time he talked since he has opened his eyes to...
And then he felt a warmth- so familiar and makes his eyes burn even hotter... He doesn't cry. No, Itoshi Rin doesn't do that. However, he did, infact, nuzzle to the hand. He used to seek out that hand, he seeks out, he has been. He probably will. Oh, the fingers caressing his messy locks... Were they shaky?! Oh gods- Itoshi Sae was fucking crying.
He finally was able to look at his big brother- however, he wasn't expecting to see weak tears slip down...
His eyes shone and gained their boba shaped innocences again- though, with a deep concern.
R: N-nii-chan-
Still, he already has reached to his unused vocal cords' limits... Who would Itoshi Rin be if he wasn't stubborn and pushy, though?
R: I-
Yet, he always has another Itoshi beside him. Craddling his face and caressing the chilly skin longingly.
S: Sshh, okay. I will stop, and you will forget this.
The tiny, silly smile had made Rin's day. He obediently nodded and nuzzled to the older's relatively warmer, gentle hands.
R: I-I'm sorry-
His cough attack had Sae concerned all over. One of his shaky hands slipped to the chilly nape of the youngest. To drawing circles there to help... Since he knows Rin used to sleep easier when Sae did this. And what made him smiled again was that it worked immediately. It still works, huh?
S: I won't scold or lecture you. I am here to see my brother. And I am concerned...
This time Rin went back to being a cat who just spilled its milk. However, he was almost purring with the caress on his nape.
S: We have lost each other, however, I never wanted this or had the intention. I never will... As I said, you will have me till I die. And... I feel disgustingly mad because I was never informed about... You... Were you suffering all alone? How can they even call theirselves parents...
R: Y-you don't... need to be... hah...
Sae immediately patted the soft locks again, trying to make Rin stay silent since it was hard him to talk. He wanted to give him water or food too- but he had been denying it for days, apparently. So he has to just make him open up to get doctors's job easier.
S: We will eat after this, okay?
Rin pouts- and hell, Sae was all soft. God, it was hard to have a soft spot for this stubborn mutt.
S: No objections. I need you in full form.
R: I-I don't. Need myself...
S: Rin, we can talk.
R: We never did.
S: Let it be the first time, then. Let me talk like I never did. It will be my first too, then I will let you talk. This will be your first. Finally, we can achieve a first together. Not something we have never overcome before.
The fingers who interlinked together placed a hope in the little's teal eyes. Warmth spreaded all over his body from their sticked hands- and teal eyes finally made the second eye contact with the wet ones. Just like he did that day- He nodded in a docile way and with his child-like innocence, mixed with a so-small-tiny-almost-not-there smile.
R: Okay, Nii-chan.