Work Text:
detective:
Bern's been completely glued to his phone for the last half hour. Figured I'd make dinner tonight and give him a break.
wondy:
Aww.
That's really sweet, Tim.
⚡gottagofast:
...
SOUP:
...
detective:
What.
⚡gottagofast:
You said make dinner.
SOUP:
u know theres a difference between making dinner and ordering takeout right?
detective:
I'm perfectly capable of making dinner.
⚡gottagofast:
Remember the mac?
detective:
No.
⚡gottagofast:
I do.
SOUP:
i do too
bro how do u burn something thats literally in water
detective:
I'd appreciate it if my supposed friends would stop bringing that up.
⚡gottagofast:
Never.
wondy:
In your defense, you can make coffee.
SOUP:
he can OPERATE a coffee maker
thats different
detective:
I also make edible grilled cheese.
⚡gottagofast:
Since when?
detective:
...I did once.
SOUP:
confidence inspiring
wondy:
What are you making?
detective:
BLTs.
⚡gottagofast:
Oh thank god.
SOUP:
ok yeah u cant really mess those up
⚡gottagofast:
Don't challenge him.
detective:
I'm muting this chat.
SOUP:
send sandwich pics when ur done
need proof they survived
⚡gottagofast:
If they look good I'll publicly apologize.
wondy:
No you won't.
⚡gottagofast:
...No, I won't.
--
Tim wasn't much of a cook.
He'd long ago accepted that fact.
He could survive on coffee, protein bars, instant ramen, and meal replacement shakes. Which counted as a meal. It literally had 'meal replacement' in the name. Alfred had tried... God, had he tried... to teach every one of Bruce's children how to cook. Dick... well he could handle grilling a cheese and making scrambled eggs. Jason seemed to genuinely enjoy it and could actually cook some pretty decent things at a competent level. Cass had been permanently banned from the kitchen. Damian was of course excellent because he approached every learnable skill with an obsessive need for perfection.
Tim...
Tim managed to burn boxed mac and cheese once.
But a BLT? A BLT was different. There wasn't much to screw up. Especially once Tim learned the cooking hack that you could cook bacon in the oven. You put the bacon on a cookie sheet on parchment paper, set the time and the temp (and check five times just to make sure it was correct) and then you have perfection each and every time.
So the bacon had crisped nicely without turning into charcoal. The tomatoes were bright and firm and the lettuce crisp and fresh strait from Smallville when he visited Kon the weekend prior. They were washed, dried, and sliced without any embarrassing knife cuts.
Humming, he spread mayonnaise onto toasted sourdough with confidence, layered everything neatly together, then cut each sandwich diagonally. They actually looked...
Good.
He leaned back against the counter, folding his arms.
"Huh."
His lips tugged upward despite himself. There was just something about a BLT. It wasn't super complicated or anything but something about it just felt a little special. Like if you could pull a BLT together you had to have your life at least a little in order, right? RIGHT?
He set two sandwiches onto plates alongside a handful of kettle chips and a pickle spear each. Not fancy. Not remotely, just some nice comfort food. He took a quick picture on his cell phone and uploaded it to the Young Justice group chat and grinned as some of the responses filed in.
--
detective:
[Image attached: Two neatly plated BLTs cut diagonally with kettle chips and pickles.]
Success.
⚡gottagofast:
WHO ARE YOU
⚡gottagofast:
AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH TIM
SOUP:
bro actually cooked???
wondy:
Those actually look REALLY good.
⚡gottagofast:
I was expecting charcoal.
detective:
They're BLTs. I can manage basic assembly.
SOUP:
chef drake over here
⚡gottagofast:
👨🍳 CHEF DRAKE 👨🍳
System:
wondy changed detective's nickname to CHEF DRAKE.
CHEF DRAKE:
Cassie.
wondy:
You're welcome.
SOUP:
lmao
CHEF DRAKE:
I hate all of you.
SOUP:
u love us
⚡gottagofast:
He's right.
wondy:
He's right.
CHEF DRAKE:
...Unfortunately.
SOUP:
wait!! are those ma's tomatoes??
CHEF DRAKE:
Yeah.
And the lettuce.
She sent me home with way too much produce when I was visiting last weekend.
SOUP:
there's no such thing as too much produce
⚡gottagofast:
Says the farm boy.
SOUP:
its fucking good produce! i helped grow it!
wondy:
He's not wrong.
⚡gottagofast:
Okay yeah those tomatoes do look incredible.
SOUP:
tell berns he got the premium kent farm experience 😎
CHEF DRAKE:
I'll let him know.
He's still glued to his phone, so he hasn't even seen the sandwiches yet.
SOUP:
good
make him appreciate the produce
⚡gottagofast:
I still can't believe Chef Drake is plating food now.
CHEF DRAKE:
One more "Chef Drake" and I'm deleting this chat.
wondy:
No you won't.
--
Tim smiled and pocketed his phone again before glancing toward the apartment's living room.
Bernard had insisted on cooking several times this week. Not because Tim couldn't feed himself, although Bernard absolutely had opinions on Tim's definition of "feeding himself", but because he genuinely liked it. He said it helped him unwind and relax. Like it was meditative. Tim never could quite figure that out. Anything more then what he was doing this evening was more stressful than dealing with chasing a screaming Kite Man across Gotham in that big windstorm a few months ago. At least that eventually ended when got himself lodged in a tree.
Still... Everyone deserved a night off, especially Bernard.
Tim smiled to himself before raising his voice, "Hey, babe! Dinner's ready!"
Silence was the only response he received.
He waited another couple seconds, before he poked his head around the corner to investigate.
Bernard was curled into one corner of the couch, one leg tucked underneath himself, completely oblivious to the world. His phone was held just inches from his face, his expression cycling through fascination, delight, and concentration at a speed that suggested whatever was on the screen had him completely hooked.
Tim couldn't help smiling wider. It was...cute. Really cute. There was something endlessly endearing about watching Bernard become completely absorbed by something he loved. Books, documentaries, obscure podcasts about paranormal superhero conspiracies... When Bernard was invested, the rest of the world simply ceased to exist.
Tim loved seeing that expression. What did he ever do to deserve such a cute boyfriend?
He laughed softly, "Ahem."
Still nothing.
He raised his voice just a little, mouth still twisted up into a smile, "Bernie. Food."
Bernard jolted so suddenly he nearly dropped his phone.
"Oh-!"
He blinked several times before looking toward the kitchen. His cheeks briefly flushed red and he rubbed the back of his neck.
"Oh my God, I'm sorry!" he said, laughing at himself as he hurried over, "I completely tuned everything out."
"It's okay," Tim chuckled as Bernard slipped beside him, "It looked like whatever you were reading was pretty intense."
"It kind of was," Bernard held up his phone with an almost guilty grin, "One of my favorite fic writers updated. The one I told you I thought had disappeared forever?"
Tim cocked his head and thought, as he pulled a seat at the table out for him, "Gone... what was it three years?"
"Four years by now!" he exclaimed, dropping into the chair, "I thought they were never coming back!" Bernard's eyes lit up with infectious excitement, "And then today... oh man Tim, today! BOOM! New chapter. Twenty-eight THOUSAND words."
"That's... a lot of words," Tim let out a low whistle.
"I know!" he clutched his phone to his chest, "God I hope this means they start updating regularly again. They used to come out with something at least once a week..."
Bernard trailed off and reached over, squeezing Tim's hand affectionately, "Thank you for making dinner so I could fanboy a little."
"Of course!" Tim leaned forward and kissed him on the forehead, looking at him with nothing but pure adoration, "I like seeing you excited."
Bernard's smile softened into something warm enough to make Tim's chest ache in the nicest way, "You are ridiculously sweet."
"I have my moments."
"They're becoming alarmingly frequent."
"I'll try to be worse?" Tim offered with his eyebrows raised cartoonishly.
"You better not!" Bernard gave his hand another squeeze before reluctantly setting his phone face-down on the table.
Tim smiled. God. He really loved this. Not the... fanfiction. Well...not specifically. This, all of this. The easy conversation. Making dinner. It was comfortable. Downright domestic even. Something Tim had spent most of his life believing just wasn't meant for him. Normalcy wasn't something in the cards for a bat. It was something he thought he'd never be able to balance between his day job and his 'night' job. Somehow he'd managed to make things work though without completely crashing out.
"So," Tim said casually as he carried their plates from the counter to the small dining table, "Was this that superhero RPF stuff again?"
Bernard looked completely unashamed, "You know it!"
"I still think it's a little weird," Tim laughed.
"It is a little weird," Bernard admitted with a grin, "But it's just for fun!"
"I'm sure I've seen stranger corners of the internet," Tim settled into the chair opposite him and picked up half his sandwich, "So what's the pairing this time?"
Bernard didn't even hesitate.
"Oh," his eyes gleamed with the excitement. Clearly whatever was about to come out of his mouth was something he absolutely loved, "SuperRobin!"
Tim froze, the sandwich stopped halfway to his mouth.
"...Come again?"
"SuperRobin!" Bernard took a bite of his BLT before continuing without missing a beat, "You know. Superboy and Red Robin."
Time ceased to function.
Tim's brain, usually capable of analyzing battlefield conditions in fractions of a second, hacking a computer almost as efficiently as Oracle, or finding just the right clue to solve a mystery that had been looked over by all others, instead supplied exactly one coherent thought.
...What?
His heartbeat lurched, and his fingers tightened around the sandwich. He was suddenly, acutely aware of every single muscle in his face, and could feel a panic borne spasm developing directly below his eye.
Don't react.
Do not react.
People react though.
Normal people react. I am not normal and I have no idea how to react to this.
Normal people are not vigilantes who have a civilian boyfriend enthusiastically reading fictional romances about them and their best friend.
Bernard was still talking.
"...and this author writes them so well. They've got the voices down so perfectly there's a theory that they're actually some kind of insider in the hero community. I never took any stock in that theory, I know, big surprise, but it would actually explain the long hiatus if they were away on a long mission..."
Tim heard every word but none of them made sense. Like there were sounds coming out of Bernard's mouth that logically linked up together to form sentences with meaning but he might as well have been speaking ancient Egyptian.
"...They...what?"
"Seriously. They're legendary!" Bernard nodded enthusiastically.
Tim stared.
Legendary.
Somewhere... Somewhere on the internet. There apparently existed a legendary author who wrote romantic stories...
...about him.
And Kon.
--
⚡gottagofast:
Think Bernard liked Chef Drake's sandwiches?
wondy:
They're BLTs.
I'm sure he survived.
SOUP:
nah they actually looked good
tim can cook exactly one thing now
hes evolving
⚡gottagofast:
Character development.
wondy:
It is sweet that he's making dinner for Bernard.
SOUP:
yeah
theyre kinda disgustingly normal
⚡gottagofast:
Says the guy who's also constantly stopping by Tim's apartment just to feed him.
SOUP:
thats different!
⚡gottagofast:
Is it?
SOUP:
yes
SOUP:
i feed u guys too!
SOUP:
idk tho
im kinda low key jealous
theyve got a really normal relationship
most of mine were a mess
wondy:
...
Excuse me?
SOUP:
what
wondy:
A mess?
SOUP:
i said MOST
both my Casses were my most normal relationships
we're way better as friends though 💕
wondy:
...I'll take it.
⚡gottagofast:
"Both my Casses" is an absolutely insane sentence.
SOUP:
not my fault i have a type
⚡gottagofast:
Apparently it's people named Cass.
wondy:
Please don't date another one.
SOUP:
ill do my best
⚡gottagofast:
The universe is already generating a third Cass as we speak.
SOUP:
dont put that evil on me
wondy:
😂
--
Tim took the world's most careful bite of his sandwich, chewing with painstaking composure while internally feeling as though every system in his body had suffered catastrophic failure on a scale he didn't know previously existed.
The BLT suddenly tasted a lot harder to swallow.
He chewed with deliberate care, nodded at what Bernard was saying, even reached for a chip like he was a completely normal person who hadn't just had their entire worldview absolutely shaken.
Inside, however...
Inside was absolute chaos.
SuperRobin?
Really?
Earlier as he fondly watched Bernard curled up on the couch utterly engrossed in what was on his phone he'd expected him to be perusing some conspiracy forum dedicated to discussing secret identities or reading one of those wildly inaccurate "ranking the Justice League by attractiveness" articles.
He had not expected...
This.
His civilian boyfriend.
Enthusiastically discussing romantic fanfiction.
About him.
And Kon.
His ears felt warm, and he could only hope Bernard hadn't noticed. Because his boyfriend had unknowingly stumbled straight into one of the few embarrassingly genuine secrets Tim had managed to keep buried for years.
Kon.
God.
His first real crush.
Not the fleeting sort of admiration that vanished after a week or simple teenage confusion. It had been a proper, stomach-flipping, hearts-in-eyes, hopeless crush. He'd been the one that made him realize oh shit I think I also kind of like boys too?
It was a crush he'd carried around for years without ever saying a word.
What had been the point?
He'd calmed down a lot about it in recent years but back then Kon had flirted with just about every pretty girl who crossed his path. He'd been loud and confident and charming in that effortless way Tim had always envied. Tim had watched him collect admirers almost by accident. Himself included though he made sure Kon never found that out.
He'd kept quiet and filed it away. He told himself friendship was enough. Eventually the intensity had dulled. Life had happened. Missions, deaths, resurrections, relationships...
Eventually Bernard had come into his life.
Bernard, with his infectious laugh and endless curiosity and the way he made quiet evenings in their apartment feel like the safest place in the world. Made him feel normal in this little domestic bubble.
Tim loved him, deeply and completely.
Looking across the table now, seeing Bernard animatedly gesture with half a sandwich in his hand as he talked about writing quality and character arcs...
Tim felt a swell of affection so immediate it almost eclipsed the panic.
Almost.
Because somewhere underneath it all... There was still that tiny, stubborn ache. Not that overwhelming attraction, that need for Kon to look at him in just the same way. Not anymore. Just... The ghost of a question he'd never asked. I like you. Do you like me? Could we work out? Could I hold your hand? Could I kiss you? Could I-
It surfaced every now and then before disappearing again.
He'd made peace with it.
Mostly.
Tim shook his head and realized Bernard had stopped talking.
"...Sorry?"
"I said I just checked their Twitter and it sounds like they have more big plans coming soon."
"Cool."
--
SOUP:
random question
either of u dating anybody rn
⚡gottagofast:
Nope.
wondy:
No.
Single as a Pringle.
Which is fine by me right now I don't think I've ever dated anyone remotely close to normal.
SOUP:
dang that sucks for u
⚡gottagofast:
...
⚡gottagofast:
Kon lmao.
SOUP:
what
SOUP:
...
SOUP:
HEY😡
⚡gottagofast:
😂
wondy:
😂😂😂
SOUP:
rude
--
Tim cleared his throat.
"So..." he tried very hard to sound casual, "...Is this one of those tiny fandoms where everyone loses their minds whenever somebody posts?"
"What?" Bernard looked genuinely confused.
"The pairing, SuperRobin?" Tim took another bite of his sandwich, hoping chewing made him look less suspicious, "I figured maybe...there aren't many people writing it?"
Bernard blinked.
"Oh! No," he laughed, "Not at all."
Tim's stomach sank.
"No?"
"No way," Bernard grinned, "SuperRobin is huge."
"...Huge," Tim could feel some of the color draining from his face.
"One of the biggest ships in the superhero RPF community."
Tim stopped chewing as Bernard plowed on ahead, blissfully unaware, just thrilled to bits to talk about his special interests with his boyfriend.
"I mean, you've got years of public interactions," Bernard began ticking items off with his fingers.
Tim internally screamed.
"They're always teaming up."
Please stop.
"They've got that whole best-friends-with-obvious-chemistry thing."
Please.
"Like if either of them aren't seen with each other for a while they clearly look devastated."
Bernard, babe, this is how I'm going to die. You'd be the envy of every Rogue in Gotham if they knew.
"There are literally so many compilation videos."
Compilation videos? People MAKE those?! Of me and Kon?!
"People have been shipping them forever."
Tim slowly lowered his sandwich onto his plate. He felt as if his soul was attempting to leave his body entirely.
"This author is just considered the gold standard," Bernard smiled innocently.
Tim pinched the bridge of his nose as a long suffering groan escaped him.
Bernard looked up, "You okay?"
Tim stayed exactly where he was, face hidden behind his hand, "It's just a bit of a headache that's been brewing for a little, I'll be fine."
"Should I grab the aspirin?" Bernard began to rise out of his seat but stopped after Tim shook his head.
"No I'm fine. Really," Tim let his head thunk gently against the table, "The table's cool. It helps."
"If you say so..."
Tim laughed weakly into the tabletop.
If Bernard only knew.
If Bernard knew that Tim Drake... his BOYFRIEND, sitting three feet away... was Red Robin...
If Bernard knew that Tim had once spent an embarrassing number of teenage years trying very hard not to stare at Superboy whenever they trained... With his perfect biceps, and perfect abs, and perfect hair, and perfect smile and...
Tim wasn't sure whether he'd laugh...
...or quietly climb out the nearest window.
--
wondy:
Maybe we all need a Bernard.
⚡gottagofast:
A Bernard?
wondy:
You know.
An anti-stress civilian.
SOUP:
😂
wondy:
Someone who doesn't have to worry about fighting for their life everyday who you can just snuggle on the couch and eat BLTs with without a care in the world.
SOUP:
sounds kinda nice actually
⚡gottagofast:
Maybe Tim could share custody.
SOUP:
???
⚡gottagofast:
Mondays, Wednesdays, and every other weekend.
SOUP:
you make him sound like a therapy golden retriever in human form
⚡gottagofast:
Are we sure he's not?
wondy:
I'm not convinced he isn't.
SOUP:
tim would never share tho lmao 😂
wondy:
I still think we all deserve one emotionally supportive civilian for our mental well being.
⚡gottagofast:
Can we put in a group order?
--
Tim remained face-down on the table for another few seconds. The cool wood against his forehead was oddly comforting. Maybe if he stayed here long enough, he'd phase through it and that would distract Bernard enough to change the topic completely.
"...Tim?"
"Yeah?"
"You still alive?"
"Barely."
"You're so dramatic," Bernard laughed.
You have no idea.
Tim let out one final theatrical sigh before pushing himself upright. His bangs had become thoroughly messed up so he ran his fingers through them and brushed them back as best he could and reached for his sandwich again, deciding that if he could at least have bacon while enduring a reality where SuperRobin was one of the most popular superships ever. Apparently.
He was still disassociating a little over it though.
Bernard, meanwhile, had never stopped talking.
After polishing off one half of his sandwhich and starting work on the second half, Tim became aware of that fact with the same dawning horror as he'd accidentally walked into the middle of a lecture halfway through.
Words floated into focus.
"...and the fan artists always-"
"...because the leather jacket version is underrated-"
"...which is why I think the Titans era-"
Tim blinked.
The curse of dating a yapper.
Not that he had any room to judge.
He too was a yapper.
"I'm sorry," Tim held up a hand, smiling apologetically.
Bernard stopped mid-sentence.
"I completely stopped listening."
"You were starting to get that thousand yard stare sort of look."
Tim rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.
"Could you...start over?"
Bernard smiled with the patient fondness of someone who knew exactly what he'd signed up for when he started dating Tim Drake.
"Sure," he leaned forward onto his elbows, "I was saying...I know it's ridiculously early to be thinking about Halloween."
"It is July," Tim snorted.
"I know!" he reached across the table and swatted Tim's arm, "But this update got me thinking."
"Oh?"
Bernard hesitated just enough to make it clear he was trying not to sound too excited. He took a deep grounding breath and then charged forward with his proposal.
"How would you feel about us going as Superboy and Red Robin?"
Tim's soul left his body for approximately the sixth time that evening.
Of course.
Obviously.
Why wouldn't this happen?
There wasn't even a way he could see himself out of this one. All he had was surrender. He took a slow bite of his sandwich, chewed thoughtfully, swallowed, and nodded with the air of a man accepting his fate.
"I think..." another sigh, "...Yeah."
"Really?" Bernard's face brightened immediately, and Tim knew he had made the right call. This wasn't surrender. This was victory.
"I can pull off Robin."
Bernard stared at him "...What?"
Tim shrugged.
"I mean, I feel like the tights might feel a little exposed, but I think I could make a decent Robin."
Bernard was silent for a moment or two longer until he (to Tim's confusion) burst into laughter, full, delighted laughter that made him lean back in his chair, one hand over his face.
"Oh my God."
Tim looked at him, bewildered. Where... Where had he misspoken? Bernard wanted to go as Superboy and Red Robin, Tim agreed!
"What?"
"You thought..." another laugh interrupted him, "You thought I meant you as Robin?"
"...Didn't you?" Tim frowned.
"No" Bernard grinned, "I know I'm technically taller than than you and Superboy is taller than Robin..."
A dawning realization began to occur to Tim. He didn't like where this was going but he was also already in too deep.
Bernard pointed at himself.
"I'll be Robin."
Then pointed across the table.
"And you'll be Superboy."
Bernard continued, blissfully unaware of the emotional hand grenade he'd just tossed across the table.
"Robin's always been my favorite," there was such uncomplicated enthusiasm in his voice that Tim couldn't help smiling despite himself, "I've always liked him the best."
"You have?" Tim felt his heart skip a beat.
"I mean, Nightwing's cool, Batman's...Batman," Bernard shrugged. "But Red Robin's always been the one I connected with. I always liked how he seemed... I don't know... more down to Earth then the other Bat adjacents. Friendlier too. I mean even SuperRobin and RPF aside Young Justice was legendary on it's own and he was part of forming that. "
Tim looked down at his plate.
"He always struck me though as someone who carried way too much on his shoulders."
"...Yeah."
"But he still kept showing up when it mattered. There's something inspiring about that"
"That's...a nice way of putting it," Tim smiled fondly.
"I don't know," Bernard shrugged with a smile, "I guess I've just always had a soft spot for him."
Tim looked back up at him. There was so much sincerity there. There was no hidden meaning to decipher. Just Bernard, smiling across his tiny kitchen table, talking about the hero he admired who also happened to be himself. Tim felt light enough to float to the ceiling.
He reached across the table and took Bernard's hand.
"I think," he said quietly, "You'd make a great Robin."
"You really think so?" Bernard's smile widened.
"I do."
"Then you'll be Superboy?" he leaned forward and Tim noted the faintest dusting of pink across his cheeks.
Tim closed his eyes for exactly one second and then nodded
"...Sure."
"Yes!" Bernard pumped a fist in celebration, "We're going to look adorable."
Tim laughed helplessly.
"I somehow suspect you have this whole thing planned already."
"I definitely have this whole thing planned already." Bernard winked and flashed him a thumbs up.
"I knew it."
--
CHEF DRAKE:
...You guys know I can scroll up and read the chat, right?
⚡gottagofast:
Welcome back!
wondy:
Hi Tim. 👋
SOUP:
hey buddy
CHEF DRAKE:
Also.
I'm not sharing Bernard.
⚡gottagofast:
Boooooooo.
wondy:
🍅🍅🍅
SOUP:
boooooooo
CHEF DRAKE:
He is not communal emotional support.
⚡gottagofast:
Counterpoint:
He's really nice.
CHEF DRAKE:
Denied.
wondy:
What if we ask politely?
CHEF DRAKE:
Still no.
SOUP:
what if i bring pie
CHEF DRAKE:
...Tempting.
Still no.
⚡gottagofast:
Worth a shot.
wondy:
You're so selfish.
CHEF DRAKE:
Correct.
SOUP:
possessive boyfriend behavior
CHEF DRAKE:
Yes.
⚡gottagofast:
Honestly, respect.
wondy:
Fair enough.
We'll find our own Bernards.
SOUP:
we just need to figure out where they grow
CHEF DRAKE:
Please never say "where they grow" about civilians again.
--
Tim shook his head, and put his phone back down to focus on his boyfriend again.
Somehow, this ridiculous conversation had become...nice.
Embarrassing beyond belief.
But nice.
He looked across the table at Bernard, who was already enthusiastically explaining how there was this cosplay designer he chatted with online with his hands flying through the air, and felt that familiar warmth settle in his chest.
The universe, apparently, had an absolutely wicked sense of humor.
Still...
If wearing a leather jacket with a red S shield meant spending Halloween making Bernard this happy...
Tim supposed he could survive being Superboy.
He just hoped Kon never found out.
----
----
SOUP:
im literally the best friend ever
⚡gottagofast:
Based on?
SOUP:
im making tim pie
from scratch
and hes STILL at work
wondy:
You volunteered didn't you?
SOUP:
that doesn't mean i cant complain
⚡gottagofast:
You absolutely can.
It's one of your defining traits.
SOUP:
thank u bart
⚡gottagofast:
That wasn't a compliment.
wondy:
Have you just been sitting around Tim's apartment waiting for him?
SOUP:
nah
his bf showed up
⚡gottagofast:
Oh?
SOUP:
bernards funny
he brought takeout to surprise tim and found me making pie instead
wondy:
😂
SOUP:
hes been asking ma cooking questions on facetime for like an hour
i think shes gonna adopt him
⚡gottagofast:
Ma has another son now?
SOUP:
she invited him to dinner if hes ever in kansas
its basically official
wondy:
Aww.
That's actually really sweet.
SOUP:
hes genuinely interested too
like asking how pie crust works and how to make biscuits fluffier
ma loves that stuff
⚡gottagofast:
Bernard collecting moms.
SOUP:
ALSO
tim NEVER TOLD HIM WHERE THE PRODUCE CAME FROM
wondy:
...Seriously?
SOUP:
SERIOUSLY
he was like "wow these tomatoes are incredible"
AND TIM JUST SAID THANKS
⚡gottagofast:
😂😂😂
SOUP:
those are MA'S TOMATOES
give credit where credits due
wondy:
You're weirdly protective of vegetables.
SOUP:
they earned it
SOUP:
im eating tims pad thai in retaliation
⚡gottagofast:
That's not retaliation.
That's theft.
SOUP:
its justice
wondy:
Leave the man some dinner.
SOUP:
hes getting pie
he'll survive
--
The elevator ride up to his apartment felt longer than usual. Maybe because he'd spent the last eleven hours buried beneath quarterly reports, acquisition meetings, and enough financial projections to make even Lucius Fox look mildly exhausted. Wayne Enterprises wasn't necessarily difficult to deal with. It was just... Relentless. A constant bombardment of MORE. Every time he'd finished a heap of tasks it was like an entire new array of issues materialized from the ether.
Tim loosened his tie as he stepped out into the hallway, balancing a grocery bag against one hip. Inside sat a single half-gallon of vanilla ice cream, already beginning to sweat from the early autumn heat.
Yesterday he'd made the mistake of mentioning he was stressed.
Not in huge detail. Just enough for Kon to wrinkle his nose through the video call and say, "Okay, that's enough of that. Come over tomorrow."
Tim had reminded him that tomorrow involved board meetings that would run well into the evening, and that even commandeering the Batplane wouldn't get him all the way to Smallville with enough time to actually relax and unwind.
Kon's solution had been immediate and simple.
"Then I'll come to you."
"Kon-"
"I'm making pie."
"You don't have to-"
"Ma's recipe."
Tim had stopped arguing because Kon knew exactly what weapons to deploy.
Pie.
Specifically Martha Kent's pie. Tim loved Alfred's baking with unwavering loyalty. But there was something about Ma Kent's crust... He'd once jokingly told Kon it might be the single greatest baked good on Earth. Kon had looked unbearably smug for the rest of the week.
"You just pick up the ice cream on your way home," he'd said, "Everything else is handled and you'll walk through the door to have the Kent family recipe ready for you."
Simple and comforting. Exactly the sort of thing best friends did.
Tim unlocked the apartment, the first thing that hit him was the smell.
Butter...
Cinnamon...
Brown sugar...
Warm apples...
It wrapped around him like a blanket before he'd even stepped fully inside.
"Oh," he breathed.
His shoulders relaxed almost immediately. That smell belonged to memories. He remembered the first time he visited Kon out on the farm in Smallville. The old wooden table was dusted in flour. Ma hummed quietly while she worked dough with practiced hands, pretending to ignore Kon shamelessly stealing apple slices whenever she looked away.
For one fleeting second, Tim felt sixteen again.
Then he heard voices.
"...well if you're making biscuits, don't overwork the dough."
"Even if it still looks shaggy?"
"Especially then."
"...Seriously?"
"Trust me, hun."
Tim paused in the entryway. That... was Bernard. He didn't know he was planning on dropping in tonight. The other voice... sounded honest to god like Martha Kent.
"...because once the gluten starts developing-"
"So that's why mine always come out tough!"
Tim rounded the corner into the kitchen.
The scene waiting for him was...not what he'd expected.
Kon stood at the counter in one of Martha Kent's faded blue aprons, the one embroidered with tiny sunflowers. He was keeping careful watch on the oven as pie inside finished baking.
Bernard occupied a stool at the counter, wholly invested in a conversation he was having with someone over face time. That must be where he heard Martha, weird as that was.
Kon looked up first.
"Oh!" his face split into an easy grin, "There he is."
"Tim!" Bernard turned around and hopped off the stool and crossed the kitchen to kiss him hello.
"Hi."
Tim kissed him back, still looking over Bernard's shoulder at Kon.
"...What happened?"
Bernard laughed.
"I got here early, as planned, because I'm an amazing friend," Kon answered first.
"So far, that checks out." Time nodded
"I was already baking, obviously," he gestured vaguely to the oven and the utterly magical smells pouring forth from it, "Then your boyfriend showed up."
"I wanted to surprise you with dinner so I picked up food from that Thai place you really like" Bernard pointed toward a crumpled paper takeout bag sitting beside the recycling bin, "I figured you'd be working late, but..."
Tim looked at the empty containers.
"...Past tense?"
"It was really good, your usual order gets a pass from me," Kon looked utterly unrepentant.
"It was really good," Bernard nodded solemnly.
Tim looked between them.
"You ate all of it?"
"You weren't here." Kon shrugged.
"I was at work!"
"It seemed rude to let it get cold," Bernard nodded.
Tim sighed. His own boyfriend. Turned against him. Tim was pretty sure Kon was supposed to be getting his own 'Emotional Support Civilian'.
"So..." Bernard continued, "we started talking."
Tim glanced between them. They had met before, but never for lengthy periods of time. Tim always kind of knew they had the sort of personalities that if combined could wreak absolute havoc on him personally. He usually loved being proven right but in this case...
"I noticed."
"It turns out your best friend is a surprisingly good teacher."
"I had a good teacher," Kon shrugged, "And since I share she's Bern's good teacher now too."
He nodded toward Bernard's phone and Tim finally noticed the ongoing video call. As he suspected, Martha Kent smiled warmly from the screen.
"Hello, sweetheart," she smiled the same way she always had whenever he'd visited the farm.
"Ma!" Tim's entire face lit up. He, like every other young person who met her, tried calling her Mrs. Kent initially, tried with Martha. But she always insisted in the end. Just 'Ma' sweetie. Not even Bruce was immune to that.
"I was wondering when they'd finally let you out of work."
"They almost didn't." Tim laughed
"I believe it. Don't you let them work you too hard," her voice was stern but loving.
Tim set the ice cream on the counter before walking over to the phone. A timer chimed on the counter and Kon hustled to get the pie out and cooling
"I try not to, but it's a busy time of the year," Time leaned over Bernard's shoulder, "It's good to see you."
"You too," she tilted her head slightly and squinted at the screen as she pushed her readers back up her nose a little, "You look tired dear. And like you've lost some weight."
"Can't get anything past you, Ma," Tim rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.
"I've raised two fine boys and I've watched you Wayne kids grow up too. I'm experienced."
"I've been adopted too!" Bernard declared triumphantly.
"Of course. If you're ever in Kansas, you're welcome at our table." Martha laughed.
"I'd really love that," Bernard actually looked touched, "I'd love to help you prep too."
"Normally I'd hate to put a guest to work but cooking's clearly your love language hun, I'd be happy to show you a thing or two."
Tim watched the three of them chatting for a moment. Bernard animatedly asking questions. Kon answering when he knew, deferring to Ma when he didn't. Ma patiently explaining techniques she'd probably repeated hundreds of times over the years.
It was all a little above him. He had no doubt Ma was probably one of the best cooking teachers you could ask for... but he knew his limits. He wanted to continue riding his BLT high for a bit before he tried something more complicated and ultimately crashed and burned.
His gaze drifted back to the pie.
"...So."
Kon followed his eyes, "That just came out of a four hundred degree oven. Unless you have an invulnerable tongue you need to give it a few minutes to cool."
Tim though he wouldn't mind getting his tongue incinerated if it meant getting that in his mouth sooner.
"I have the ice cream to protect me."
"Patience."
--
wondy:
Kon's making pie for Tim.
I want pie.
⚡gottagofast:
Didn't Kon literally make you carrot cake last weekend?
wondy:
Yes.
But that was last weekend.
This is now.
⚡gottagofast:
...
You know what?
Fair.
wondy:
Thank you.
⚡gottagofast:
Hang on.
I can be at your place in like...
a minute.
wondy:
?
⚡gottagofast:
I'm grabbing a dozen from that donut shop you like in San Fran.
wondy:
Bart. 😊
⚡gottagofast:
Chocolate old-fashioned.
Maple bar.
Two strawberry sprinkled.
The lemon one you pretend you don't like and then steal from me.
wondy:
I do not
...
Okay, maybe once.
⚡gottagofast:
Be there in sixty seconds. 👍🍩🍩🍩
wondy:
You're the best. ❤️
⚡gottagofast:
I know.
Save me the comfy spot on the couch.
--
Tim leaned against the counter, letting the warmth of the apartment seep into him. The stress from the workday had melted away somewhere between walking through the front door and listening to Ma Kent patiently answer questions. And now he was on his second slice of pie and scoop of ice cream
He hadn't realized how badly he'd needed this. It was just... bliss.
He should have know the wrecking ball was poised and ready to shatter this rare moment of serenity
Eyes widening, Bernard snapped his fingers and abruptly got off his stool.
"Oh!" he turned toward the entryway, "I almost forgot!"
"Hm?" Tim looked up.
"The costumes! It's why I came over tonight."
Tim's smile faltered. No.
"The...what?" he knew the answer. He knew it. But he prayed for a miracle that it wasn't exactly what he knew it was.
"Our Halloween costumes!"
Bernard bounded across the apartment toward the front door. A large shipping box sat just inside, apparently forgotten in all the excitement.
"They came today!"
Tim felt every muscle in his body tense.
Oh no.
"I was so distracted talking to Kon that I completely forgot about them. I wanted to open them while you were here" he hefted the box onto the kitchen island with an excited little grunt, "I've been waiting weeks."
"Halloween already?" Kon looked over with polite curiosity.
"I know it's early," Bernard admitted without an ounce of shame, "But custom cosplay takes forever and if you wait too long then you won't get it in time."
He grinned over at Kon.
"We're going all out with a couples costume this year."
Tim suddenly found the pattern in the countertop deeply fascinating.
"Oh?" Kon, blissfully unaware, smiled.
Bernard cut through the packing tape with practiced efficiency.
"The creator finally finished everything."
He opened the box and packing material spilled onto the counter.
Tim's hand hovered near his phone in his back pocket and contemplated whether he could fake a sudden work emergency. It was too late. Everything was happening too fast.
Bernard reached into the first box.
"And..." he carefully lifted out folded fabric in shades of black, red, and gold, "...Ta-da!"
The Red Robin costume unfolded across the island. It was... Alarming accurate. This cosplayer friend of Bernard's really knew what they were doing. The reds of the tunic and the golds of accessories looked like they had been color matched to perfection. There was a domino mask carefully nestled in a packet of tissue paper with a bottle of adhesive to put it on. Tim noted it was the good brand too, it wouldn't itch. Even the stylized cape with its yellow lining had been recreated with almost obsessive attention to detail.
Tim stared.
...That's my suit.
Not exactly, of course. There were tiny differences. The armor plating was simplified. The materials were clearly designed for comfort instead of combat. But still. He was impressed.
"Holy cow," Kon said quietly.
"They nailed it, right?" Bernard beamed.
"They really did."
Bernard hugged the folded costume against his chest, "I cannot WAIT to wear this."
"...Yeah" Tim smiled weakly.
Then Bernard reached into the depths of the box once again.
"And yours..."
Tim closed his eyes.
Please don't.
Tim heard the rustle of fabric unfolding and against better judgement cracked his eyes open again. A short sleeved body suit in red, sky blue, and black with the Red-and-yellow S shield was laid out before him. There was the leather jacket with the stitched red S shield on the back. And of course the fingerless gloves. Sure can't forget the fingerless gloves. Like the Red Robin costume before, there was an incredible attention to detail. The suit was even made in a fabric that mimicked the subtle honeycomb texture that the weird alien fabric of Kon's ACTUAL suit had.
Tim would be impressed if he wasn't busy being so mortified
"Wooow," Bernard breathed.
He held the bodysuit up against Tim with obvious delight.
"This is going to look so good on you."
Tim looked at the suit.
Then at Kon.
Then back at the shirt.
"...N-neat."
Across the kitchen, Kon had gone very still. His lips were pressed together into an thin line. His cheeks puffed out just slightly. Tim knew that expression. Kon was fighting for his life. Specifically... He was fighting not to laugh.
Tim shot him a look that clearly translated to:
Don't you dare.
Kon's eyes met his.
There was only the tiniest flicker of amusement there. The corners of his mouth twitched.
Tim narrowed his eyes.
Kon-El.
Kon bit the inside of his cheek and Tim could practically hear the gears turning.
You are wearing my costume.
Your boyfriend is wearing yours.
There's no way he knows how funny this is.
Tim could tell it was taking every ounce of Kryptonian self-control not to completely lose it.
Bernard, blissfully oblivious, was still admiring the stitching.
"The creator even weathered the jacket a little," he looked toward Kon, "What do you think?"
Kon took one slow breath and then another. His expression settled into something actually sincere.
"I think..." he glanced once more between the costumes, "...You guys are gonna look great."
Bernard lit up, "Right?"
"Absolutely," Kon nodded with complete conviction.
"I think everyone will recognize who you are."
Tim almost choked on absolutely nothing.
"I should hope so," Bernard said.
Kon's eyes flicked to Tim for half a second.
Something mischievous sparkled there.
"I don't think anyone's going to mistake you for anybody else."
The moment Bernard turned his back, Kon looked at Tim again. Silent laughter danced in bright blue eyes. Tim sighed the sigh of a man who knew he would never, ever hear the end of this.
Kon, to his credit...
Didn't laugh.
Not while Bernard was in the room at least.
The tiny, victorious grin he flashed Tim, however, promised that the teasing would begin the very second they were alone.
--
System:
SOUP changed CHEF DRAKE's nickname to Superboy.
⚡gottagofast:
??????????
wondy:
...Kon?
Superboy:
Excuse me?
SOUP:
😎
⚡gottagofast:
No seriously explain yourself.
SOUP:
ask tim what he's going as for halloween
wondy:
...
⚡gottagofast:
...
⚡gottagofast:
OH MY GOD
wondy:
I guess Bernard's a Superboy fan and gave you the puppy eyes?
Superboy:
Kon.
SOUP:
what
its accurate
System:
Superboy changed SOUP's nickname to traitor.
traitor:
worth it
⚡gottagofast:
This is the funniest thing you've ever done.
wondy:
I cannot wait to see pictures.
Superboy:
I'm leaving this group chat.
⚡gottagofast:
No you're not, Superboy.
traitor:
u love us
Superboy:
...Unfortunately.