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“C’mon! It’s fine!”
Will was sitting cross-legged with his back to a tree—bird on his shoulder, squirrel in his lap, butterfly in his hair. Nico’s heart ached to see it.
And he was standing awkwardly almost eight feet away, mentally begging Will not to beckon him closer again.
“I’ll scare them.” Nico deadpanned. Beneath the nonchalance he was almost hoping, wishing it would work out. Or to leave.
His hands fidgeted with his zipper anxiously and Will could see it, he knew. How desperately he wished Will hadn’t learned his tells.
Will scooted so there was a portion of the tree open. “It’s alright. Look, she’s calm.” Will stroked the squirrels cheek, their eyes lulled drowsily. Even the bird was relaxed, but kept a wary eye on Nico. Like one would a caged lion.
Nico took only two steps forward before the bird wailed, taking off in flight about the treetop. He’d been so careful. He’d gone slow, he made his feet gentle. Yet they were still scared.
Tears welled in Nico’s eyes and he sunk down right there, still too far away for any good.
But at least he couldn’t do any bad either.
“Hey, it’s okay.” Will shifted forward, butterfly still perched in his curls. He raised a finger and scooped it up with gentleness, extending his hand. “Here, try to hold them.” Will smiled. “It’s a blue one—they’re pretty.”
Nico shook his head. “Last time I tried to touch one when I was little I almost killed it. I- I don’t wanna. Again.”
Will smiled sadly. “It’s okay. It was a rough time… maybe it’s different?”
“No!” Nico felt his panic flare. “I-I’m older and my powers are much stronger.”
“But you also have more control.”
A beat of silence.
“It’ll be okay. This one’s calm.”
Nico could feel the little bubble of anxiety creeping up the front of his throat. He’d been working on naming emotions—this was dread. Anxiety. Fear.
But in the bubble was a little bead of hope that he’d fostered over the past few months of dating Will and living at Camp full time. Something he’d worked hard to achieve, to shove through every negative emotion that overtook his being and plant it in the middle.
Nico took a deep and sobering breath, inching forward just a bit to open his hand. Will placed the thing on his knuckles, letting it transfer over before taking his own presence away.
The little insect fluttered its wings but stayed, settling down with its wings in a relaxed position.
Nico sniffed slightly, turning his head (slowly, without moving his hand even a millimeter) to hide the tears forming.
The silence as Will kept petting the little fuzzy ball in his lap made Nico feel like he was going to bawl more. So he started talking.
“I’ve never held an animal like this before.” Nico said. “Every animal I’ve ever touched is a monster—literally—or something of the underworld. Even the bugs and birds don’t like me. I’ve been able to touch some of the cows in the underworld but it takes bribes and they’re uncomfortable. I-I don’t know why.”
He blinked rapidly, gaze flickering back to the butterfly. It wasn’t going to disappear if he didn’t look at it for a second. Or, maybe it would.
“I love animals. I want to pet them and love them and-and just protect them and keep them safe. B-but they just. Don’t… like me.” He used his free hand to wipe the bridge of his nose where he felt a tear try to escape.
“Well look, this one does.” Will was a lot closer when Nico looked back, squirrel still firmly in his lap and butterfly perched on his finger.
Will took the butterfly back and placed it on his hair, coming even closer.
He kept petting the little brown squirrel. “It’s okay. I can get… an idea of what she’s feeling. She’s okay with it. You can pet her.”
Nico’s hand was trembling, literally. The trees loomed over him and the clouds mocked his fear, the grass and insects sang about his dread. But.
He plugged his ears. He closed his eyes. He sewed his lips and eyes shut and the only sense he left open was touch.
Touch, touching—the squirrel. He really was.
He opened his eyes and saw that it was there. It stayed. It let him touch it, and it was so soft—fine hair, gentle skin, tiny features.
It blinked up at him, ears perked and tail lax against Will’s lap. Not preparing to flee, nor attack. But let him be, let him enjoy the ecstatic pleasure.
He withdrew his hand for only long enough to wipe his falling tears again and went back to petting the thing, in awe that it let him. He truly could not believe it, that something as pure and instinctual as an animal was finally letting him be in its presence.
He suddenly hugged Will, butterfly flittering away at the jostle. He couldn’t care. The squirrel was still there.
Nico mumbled into Will’s shoulder a quiet “Thank you”, emotions overwhelming him.
Will used a hand to tuck Nico’s head further into his neck, a protective casing. “Anything.”