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Jamie Tartt, star player of AFC Richmond, was jogging from Roy’s house to Nelson Road stadium, where the whole team trained for their games. Roy Kent, his coach slash boyfriend, had just driven but he had told Roy that he needed to run. Colin’s dad was going to be visiting today. Thinking of that made Jamie think of his own family. His dad didn’t talk to him so much as yell at him. If his dad had been in a really bad mood, then he had hit Jamie and his mother, Georgie.
His mother never cried really, unlike him. Unfortunately Georgie never fought back either. Except one day she had decided she had had enough and left for good with Jamie. Jamie had been seventeen at the time, much too late to do much good for Jamie and his poor little sister, Ruby who had died.
“They’re jus’ the people ‘oo gave me life,” Jamie told himself. But he didn’t believe that. He could see that he was truly their child.
His mother was always lying about what was going on at home and lying to calm his father. Jamie was nothing if not a good liar.
And he saw a piece of his father every time he looked in a mirror. He had his father’s eyes. Though the only redeeming quality about them is when he cried they looked just like Ruby's when she was crying and terrified of their father.
Jamie shaked himself out of his thoughts as he ran up to the door to the entrance for the staff and players. He entered the building and walked down the hallway to the team locker room. He had already changed into his kit, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t hang out with the rest of the team before training started. As he walked in he saw Colin introducing his dad to everyone.
Jamie felt a pain in his chest as he looked at Mr. Hughes. He had completely accepted Colin as gay. Jamie knew if he was to come out to his father, the result would definitely not be pretty. He might even need to go to the hospital.
Mr. Hughes seemed so nice and friendly, and Colin just seemed so happy to see him. Jamie couldn’t help but wonder what he had done to deserve his father. All his father had ever done was hurt him. Jamie wondered how James Tartt could do that to him. Ted, his old coach, had told him he should forgive his father. But he couldn’t. Roy had said, “Forget the motherfucking bastard Jamie. He doesn’t deserve a single thought from you.”
And Jamie had tried. He had really tried but he couldn’t. James Tartt had made everlasting mental scars on Jamie. Told him how worthless he was. How stupid he was. How useless he was. James had installed the fear into Jamie that everyone Jamie loved would one day get tired of him and leave him.
Sam saw Jamie sitting and staring off into space, looking like he was about to cry. He walked over and asked, “You good Jamie?”
Jamie looked at Sam and responded, “Mint.” in a tone so convincing that if he had heard from someone else he would have totally believed them, note the sarcasm.
“Okay then,” Sam said, realizing that Jamie probably didn’t want to talk about it. The whole team had an idea what was making Jamie so upset. They had seen the cruel way James had treated Jamie at Wembley. They all figured it was usually worse than that, just by the fear in Jamie's eyes at that incident and the way he tensed up when Roy went to hug him.
Jamie felt a tear fall and rushed off to the bathroom. ‘Just like your mother, always lying, too proud to ask for help,’ he thought. He stood over the sink and let out a sob. He looked up and saw a mixture of his abuser’s eyes and sweet little sister’s.
He was just a mess. He tried to change his whole past by being better than his father but it did nothing. All his pain was still there. All of James' excuses to inflict that said pain still ran around in Jamie’s head. He had almost always known that the way James treated him was not okay. He may have been a particularly dumb child but he wasn’t completely clueless. He knew that someone who loved him would never hurt like that.
As he stood there thinking about everything he wondered if he would actually change anything. The abuse had made him stronger in a way. It had also given Jamie his drive to be the best he could possibly be at football. He looked at himself again. Sure there were elements of his father in his face. And yes he had been named for his father, James Tartt, but he wasn’t the same. He was kind these days, unless he was trying to get into the opposing teams’ heads. Then he was a prick. He wasn’t a drunk. He drank from time to time but not on the same level as his father who was almost always drunk. And he supported the LGBTQ community. For fuck’s sake he was bisexually and had a boyfriend. So no Jamie and James Tartt were not even close to the same person he decided.
He needed to accept the similarity and move on. Not keep running from them cause every time he looked at himself, physically and mentally, he could see some of the bad parts of both his parents.
Jamie jumped when he heard a knock on the door. Then he heard Roy’s gruff voice, filling Jamie with a sense of warmth. “Oi, Jamie you in there? Look, I know this shit is fucking hard for you cause of your own fucking father and all his fucking bullshit but for fuck’s sake we need you. I know this just fucking training but the fucking team needs to train with you,” Roy told him through the door.
Jamie smiled softly. “Yeah, Royo. I’m comin’ out. Jus’ give me a sec,” he called out and splashed some water on his face to help make it less obvious that he had been crying. Jamie turned off the tap and walked to the door and opened it. “You know the door’s unlocked righ’. You could jus’ walk in if you want,” he said.
Roy shrugged. “Thought you could use the fucking privacy,” he said in his usual growl. Then he put a hand on Jamie's back and rubbed it a little in a comforting way. “You good, beautiful?”
Jamie nodded. “ad me cry. Now I’m ready to get out on the pitch.”
“Good,” said Roy gently leading Jamie in the direction, though he was plotting James Tartt’s murder in his head. He hated the way the bastard treated Jamie. No one deserved the type of pain Jamie was in. Luckily Roy would be here to hold Jamie whenever Jamie did fall to pieces. He would protect Jamie with his last breath.