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You wake with a gasp into darkness. Your body feels pinned in place as you frantically try to work out where you are, but all you can hear is the thudding of your own heart, the rushing of your blood in your ears. You’re cold. The back of your neck is cold… wet. You flinch away from the sensation, and feel your duvet move with you – right. You’re in bed. Your pillow is damp with sweat, as is your t-shirt. You go to take it off, but the sudden cold air on your arms makes you feel so exposed you shove yourself back under the duvet again, sliding down the mattress until you’re entirely covered. You’re not sure what you’re even scared of. Something awful was about to happen, but… whatever it was, it must have stopped. You’re in bed. A nightmare? That must be it. Gingerly, you reach your hand out from under the duvet to your bedside table; you grab your phone and then pull your hand back as quickly as you can, safe under the covers. The light of the screen is blinding for a second – you hastily turn down the brightness as far as it will go. The time is 2am. You read the day’s date, then read it again, grounding yourself in the knowledge that you’re awake, that you’re in your bed, in the Ministry.
You place your phone on the pillow above you. For a moment you close your eyes, considering trying to go back to sleep. The second you do, you’re gripped by a wave of intense fear. You scrabble around your bed until you find your toy rabbit, and hold him tightly to you, listening to the silence in dreadful anticipation, holding your breath. Nothing stirs, and you let yourself breathe again, gasping for air. It’s OK. I’m OK. I’m safe. It wasn’t real… You pick up your phone again and open your most recent text thread, a conversation with Terzo.
2 days ago
3:14pm
Papa: How’s the new role going?
You: It’s going alright! Bit stressful because I don’t want to mess anything up when people are relying on me, but so far nothing’s gone wrong :)
Papa: I’m sure you’re doing better than you think. And if you did make any mistakes, the other chapel assistants would notice before anything came of it anyway.
You: I hope so.
Papa: Just text me if you need help with anything – or find Secondo, if I’m busy. If he acts grumpy about it just ignore him. He needs to be kept busy in his retirement!
Papa’s in the building. He’s only a short walk away. I don’t need to go wake him up but he’s nearby. It’s OK. You’re still not awake enough to feel any embarrassment at how comforting that thought is. You want to text him, to talk to him until you feel less panicked, but it’s far too late to bother him. Although… he must have his phone on Do Not Disturb at this time, right?
2:08am
You: i know it’s late i’m assuming you turned your phone off before you went to bed. i’m just hoping sending this message will help me calm down a bit and i can go back to sleep. you don’t need to reply or anything it’s fine im just being stupid
You put your phone back on your pillow and curl tighter around Marshmallow. You don’t dare shut your eyes again, so you just stare into the darkness. You’re startled by the sound of a notification, weirdly loud in the silence of your room.
2:09am
Papa: I’m going to call you, unless you object?
Your breath catches in your throat.
You: you don’t need to im fine
Right as you hit ‘send’, your ringtone blares. You wince at the noise, and answer it quickly.
“Um. Hi?” you whisper. It feels utterly wrong to speak out loud, as if something – though you have no idea what – outside of your bed might hear you.
“Caro?” Terzo says softly. “Are you OK? What happened?”
“It’s… it’s nothing. Sorry, I shouldn’t have texted you. I didn’t think you’d see it.”
“Nonsense, it’s OK. I was up late working on stuff, and then couldn’t sleep,” Terzo replies. “So can you tell me what’s wrong?”
“I… I had a nightmare.”
Terzo hums.
“Must have been a bad one, if you felt the need to message me. Do you want to talk about it?”
“No. I don’t… I don’t remember it. I just woke up and I was – I was so scared, Papa, I…”
“Oh, tesoro, it’s alright,” Terzo murmurs. “It’s OK, I’m here. You’re safe. Do you want me to come over?”
You hesitate.
“Are you still worried about, ah, bothering me?”
“...Yeah.”
“Is that the only thing stopping you from saying yes?”
“Yeah.”
“Then I’ll be over as soon as I can. I’ll hang up, but I’ll be there before you know it, OK?”
“OK.”
The line goes dead. You lie still in the darkness, mind racing, heart thumping loud and fast.
Soon, you hear a quiet knock at your door. It hits you all of a sudden that in order to let Terzo in, you’ll have to leave the relative safety of your duvet. You reluctantly lift the corner, just enough to peer out at the crack of light under your bedroom door. Another knock, just slightly louder than the first. You take a deep breath and get out of bed, practically running to the door, trying to ignore the feeling that somehow as soon as your feet hit the floor something might grab your ankles. You open it as quickly as you can, squinting as the bright lights from the hallway flood in. Terzo is standing there, under-eye bags as purple as his pyjamas. He shuts the door behind him, shrouding the room in darkness again. You hurry back onto your bed, sitting up against the headboard but with your feet pushed under the duvet. Terzo follows you, kicking off his dark green slippers and nudging them neatly against the wall with one foot.
“Move over, caro,” he whispers, and you shuffle closer to the wall, giving him room to sit beside you. He telegraphs all his movements well in advance; he wraps an arm around you slowly, and you instinctively curl into his side. There isn’t really space for two on your single bed, but he makes it work, holding you close.
“There we go… you are safe, tesoro, I promise. Whatever happened in your dream, it wasn’t real. It can’t hurt you. You are alright.” Terzo murmurs. “Can you take some deep breaths with me?” You nod shakily. He inhales slowly, and you copy him. He rubs your shoulder in small circles with his thumb, and you gradually feel the tension seep out of your body.
“Ah, but we are forgetting – where is Signor Marshmallow?” Terzo pats around the bed until he finds your toy rabbit. You reach out for him, and just as you realise how childish you must look, Terzo places Marshmallow into your hands and smiles gently. “He has kept you safe from the monsters, si? The little guard rabbit has done a great job. Perhaps he shall be promoted… How does General Marshmallow sound?”
You giggle as you hold Marshmallow close to your chest, and Terzo chuckles.
“Bambino, it is good to hear you laugh again,” he whispers. “Do you want to try to sleep again?” You look at him, unsure. “It’s alright if you’re, ah, reluctant to face sleep. I can talk for a while until your mind is thoroughly distracted.” You nod, and bury your face back into his chest. He runs his hand across your scalp. “Si? Well then… perhaps you would like to hear about the time some of the Ghouls got hold of the key to the vestry and swapped Secondo’s mitre for a cowboy hat just before Black Mass? I had nothing to do with it, of course...”
Half an hour later, you’re struggling to keep your eyes open, and when you let out a wide yawn Terzo pauses mid-story, looking down at you. You blink blearily at him.
“Stellina?” he whispers. “Ah, I will let you sleep now.”
“Papa..” you mutter, reaching for his hand.
“Oh, il mio piccolo, I’m not going anywhere,” he says quickly. “I just meant I will stop rambling! It’s alright, little one…” He rubs a hand up and down your back, and you relax back against him. “I’m too sleepy myself – I think I might just fall asleep in the corridor if I try to go back to my room now…” You smile at the image of Papa Terzo asleep standing up, swaying in the Ministry corridors. “No, no, I’ll stay here with you, guard you from any more bad dreams, si?”