Chapter Text
On any normal day, if somebody were to ask Han Yoojin about his regrets, his mind would be overloaded with a multitude of events. Events full of twisted guilt and grief that had taken deep roots in his heart had overcrowded the inside of his body. These roots had far outgrown the container, wounding him, but he would never trim them. Cutting any bit off would be far more hurtful than not. And he would reply to this question with something noncommittal and disingenuous.
But if someone were to ask him what his regret was at this moment? It would be that he snuck out to this location, at 11:31 pm, on this month, this day, 20XX.
Han Yoojin's hat, mask, and plain baggy clothes made it clear that he was dressed in a way to be unrecognized. And he would insist that it would work had he not been caught. He listlessly swung his legs on the outside bench he was sitting on, taking off his mask. The dark alleyway he was in was illuminated by a small light from a vending machine nearby. He heard footsteps and looked up.
He stared at the sly man in front of him, who was holding canned tea from a vending machine. The golden eyes curved into a gentle smile in response. Pettily, Han Yoojin whipped his head to the left, crossing his hands over his chest.
"This isn't what I asked for."
He took the canned tea anyway. What was this man even doing out at this time in the first place?
"A caffé latte at this time isn't good for your health, Han Yoojin-gun."
He knew that. He only demanded him for a drink earlier to give him some space to sort out his shock and messed-up emotions that led him to sneak out in the first place.
For a man who easily snuck out, he didn't know how exactly to respond once captured. Especially by an opponent such as Sung Hyunje. He would have rather had Moon Hyuna discovered him, or maybe even Chief Song. When he ran into the man, his heart had stilled as if in a mock death.
"What are you doing out here, Sesung Guild Leader?" Han Yoojin asked dimly.
"The same reason as you, Director Han." Sung Hyunje replied playfully.
Bullshit.
He knew that reply was his way of reflecting the question back to him. The conversation halted where Han Yoojin would have usually snarkily responded.
The only reason why he hadn't attempted to run after encountering Sung Hyunje was because he knew that man was going to snitch to his brother. He had to find a way to shut him up, although it was quite impossible to bribe the Sesung Guild Leader to shut up when it came to his health. He was easier to deal with when he treated him like an item.
"Yoojin-gun?"
He knew Sung Hyunje didn't know why he was out. It wasn't like Sung Hyunje was aware of how he would drown himself in alcohol when his despair became too much to bear. When memories that were not his would play in his mind, disturbingly clear.
Remembering the deaths of people he made a connection to had always hurt, and it became complicated when realizing they were alive now. He felt ill every time he remembered that his little brother's body, always warm and full of fire, had gone icy cold. It was impossible for Sung Hyunje to know. But that man is annoyingly sharp.
"Yoojin-gun."
His thoughts weren't particularly terrible this time, it was the usual amount of bad. But it had been during a time when the house was quiet, with Han Yoohyun and Park Yerim dungeon raiding. Usually Peace and Chirpie would have been enough comfort, but…
This time he sought out something he had not had since he had regressed. A sharp stench that would instinctively make him grimace. A dry warmth in his throat that would spread to the surface of his face, oftentimes leading to stomach acids exiting his mouth. A nausea that would swirl his fucked up emotions into a faraway exaggeration.
"Hmm…" Sung Hyunje slightly dragged his left toe.
Despite having so many pillars now, he wanted his indifferent companion that had carried him before the regression. Bad habits died hard despite how much he had held back. It was also terribly easy to sneak out at night, especially with the kids gone.
Sung Hyunje bent down to the distant man, mouth almost touching his ear.
"Yoojin-ah~"
"W-What the hell?!" Han Yoojin yelped, jumping at the puff of air and address. The tea can dropped from his hand with a loud clatter as his face went red.
"It's clear that you don't want to tell me anything."
Han Yoojin averted his eyes from the good-looking face.
"And you don't have to. But if you don't want me to tell the young master or lady that you snuck out—"
Han Yoojin's eyes widened. Was he really letting him go that easily?
"—you have to go on a date with me~."
Maybe not that easily.
"What are you talking about, you crazy bastard!" He reached for Sung Hyunje's collar, who allowed him to grab it.
"Hello, Yoojin-gun. Welcome back."
Han Yoojin gaped incredulously. What the hell is he saying? He's been here the whole time.
"Is there nothing else that you want? There has to be something else, right?" Han Yoojin asked, wanting to shake him.
"A date with my treasured partner is everything I could ask for."
Han Yoojin felt chills, already envisioning the news. There were already plenty of articles speculating about his relationship with Sung Hyunje, and this would definitely make it worse. Although Han Yoohyun was a S-class guild leader, he could imagine articles claiming he used Sung Hyunje to make it to the top. After all, he was highly influential, especially overseas.
"That's impossible," he shook his head, "you know my reputation is fragile as an F-rank. If just us two go out in broad daylight, how would people react? Yoohyun-ah would kill you."
"Who said we would be in broad daylight?"
"In the middle of the night then? At this time? What kind of date is that? I feel bad for any previous partners you've had."
"You're my first and only partner."
"Ugh, that's not what I meant!" His hands shook on the collar, only moving the fabric but not the frustrating guy wearing it.
"Be careful, at this point you're going to strip me~."
He dropped the collar with an aghast expression.
Despite his annoying approach though, it wasn't exactly too bad of a deal. It was an easy way to shut up Sung Hyunje, and it seemed he wouldn't pry into Han Yoojin's reason for sneaking out. Not now at least. Plus, what is there even to do so late? There's practically nothing, so the so-called date should end quickly.
"…I guess we can go on that date."
Golden eyes filled with mirth, akin to a child receiving a long-awaited gift.
Han Yoojin felt his nape flushing, thinking of the situation. Here he was, thirty years old, going on his first date ever. At 11-something at night with a man nearly a decade older. With someone who could throw him away without a twitch of an eye. And they didn't even know where to go. It was such a ridiculous scenario that it helped reduce the weight on his shoulders.
How could he even break Sung Hyunje's expectations for such a date? Would there even be any? Not that he wanted his approval or anything.
"Then it would be a pleasure—"
"But where is there to go at this time of night?" Han Yoojin added, hastily cutting him off.
Maybe for the first time ever, Sung Hyunje had a sort of lost expression on his face.
Oh, seriously, what exactly was he doing proposing a date if he doesn't even know what was open at this time? Not that Han Yoojin was faring better. His own knowledge only went as far as convenience stores and bars.
Sung Hyunje in a bar would draw a crowd—not that he could blame them. Even if it weren't for the fact that he was S-class, he was incredibly handsome. He could see him sitting on a stool, but he couldn't imagine hard liquor in his hand. Whiskey could fit him, but rosé suited him more. Hell, he would even look good if someone poured it all over him.
…He needed a drink.
Maybe he could leave Sung Hyunje in the bar, and while he was trapped, he could leave him. He unconsciously nodded along with his thoughts, as the topic at hand stared with curiosity.
"What could you be thinking about?"
"Why do you have to be so handsome?"
"I'm delighted you think that, Han Yoojin-gun."
Han Yoojin sighed, pretending to kick Sung Hyunje's shins to move him away so he could stand. Only pretending because he knew if they made contact, his own feet would hurt. Sung Hyunje moved away easily, allowing Han Yoojin to stand from the bench. He paced back and forth.
Dates… dates… what do people do on dates…. why was this so stressful? He just wanted to—
Sung Hyunje attached himself to Han Yoojin's back, resting his chin on his head and wrapping his hands over his shoulders. It effectively stopped his pacing and thoughts.
Surely even couples aren't this touchy in public. Not that this was the first time Sung Hyunje had done this, he was already used to—uh?! Reflecting on Sung Hyunje's history with his body made him realize how much the man touches him. Maybe it was because the concept of a date was mentioned, he was now hyper aware of this fact. He felt spiders crawl on his spine. Getting used to these casual touches was just insanity.
He wriggled in his grasp, but Sung Hyunje was unyielding.
"Let me go! I can't move!"
'You're moving right now~."
"You—! Sung Hyunje-ssi! I have an idea for a date, meaning you need to let me go!"
"Hmm, really?"
He let go reluctantly. Han Yoojin straightened himself up.
"Yes."
It was actually a bluff. So he had to do something quick. His neck and ears grew hot as he held out his hand backwards to the man behind him.
"So… hold my hand and let's go."
Yeah, people on dates hold hands. Even if it's not common to do it in some grimy alleyway.
"Han Yoojin-ssi is so bold!"
Han Yoojin was going to yank his hand away at the squeal, but it was firmly taken. Warmth spread from the hand that completely engulfed his. He could feel callouses tracing his own. It was steady. He couldn't remember the last time he held someone's hand, and it was almost comforting if not for the weird circumstance he found himself in.
Whatever, he had a date at hand. Literally.
He found himself stepping out of the alleyway as Sung Hyunje followed. He couldn't really focus on what exactly what he was doing. It felt like his body was working on autopilot as he himself was stuck in his own murky mind. Although Sung Hyunje was proving himself as a distractor, he couldn't shake off the lingering hollowness in his heart. It was clear by his empty steps that reflected lethargy.
His initial goal had been a bar he frequented before the regression. It was where he would often meet people who would hire him after some sweet words were exchanged. He often drowned in his guilt in the coldness of his own home because he couldn't let anyone see that. He wouldn't have preferred the bar, but he felt like he couldn't ruin the sacredness of domestic life in that lively home.
He turned the other way from the direction of the bar, just walking somewhere.
"I hope you do have an idea of where you're taking me."
"The idea is there."
The conversation was going nowhere. Sung Hyunje moved forward, now walking side-by-side with Han Yoojin.
"I like you, Han Yoojin-gun."
"Thank you?" He felt his ears get hot.
"But even with the people I like, I get bored in the silence."
"…What do you want me to say then?" They continued walking, aimlessly.
"Just say anything, I don't particularly enjoy seeing you upset." A squeeze of the hand emphasized his statement. It was a secure grip.
The words sounded foreign coming out of the man. But they had been spoken so easily, showing that was truly how he felt. Moreover, he would never say things he never meant. Sung Hyunje actually sounded pretty mature—
"What's your favorite color?"
Mature? Nevermind, that came out of nowhere! His thoughts were abruptly cut off.
"I don't really have one."
"You're mistaken. It's pink."
"What are you talking about?!" Han Yoojin wanted to push Sung Hyunje onto the road.
"Your favorite color is pink." Sung Hyunje reiterated, even more conviction behind it.
"No! Not that it's ugly, but it's definitely not my favorite!" He whisper-yelled, aware of his rising voice.
"But a little Chirpie told me."
"Don't use other people's kids as an excuse! And Chirpie can't even talk!" He waved their connected hands wildly.
"You shouldn't be so sure. Why do you think he is always on my head?"
That made Han Yoojin pause, Sung Hyunje had never brought up the fact that Chirpie likes his head. It made him truly consider for a moment if Chirpie could actually communicate to Sung Hyunje before realizing he was definitely being deceived. He let out a "hmph" as they continued to walk. Han Yoojin's steps became firmer, even without a direction.
"If you can understand Chirpie, would that make you bird-brained?"
"Perhaps similar to a crow or a raven."
"Ah yes, I'm the Sesung Guild Leader and I'm the number one ranker in Korea. I'm super handsome, I have lots of money and I have the smarts too~." Han Yoojin mocked Sung Hyunje, who looked at him with a soft smile on his face.
"My partner seems especially fond of my appearance."
"You just happen to be born with a good face. Yoohyun-ie is definitely the best looking."
Han Yoojin's eyes caught a colorful structure as he spoke. It was dulled by the darkness of the night but visible with the moonlight.
"Sung Hyunje-ssi, have you ever been to a playground?"
It was a question that he wouldn't have asked anyone else. He still couldn't imagine Sung Hyunje as a kid, much less one who would go to a playground.
"No."
"We're going there then."
Han Yoojin couldn't remember the last time he had been on a playground. He only ever went there for Yoohyun. He didn't have any particularly positive feelings about playgrounds, but it was a better option than continuing to walk hand-in-hand with the S-ranker without a destination in mind.
…Although, it didn't seem to be very fitting for the tall, well-built man next to him. The only thing he could realistically go on were the swings. But it would be pretty funny seeing him trying to play on the playground.
"Sung Hyunje-ssi, you should try to use that slide."
The red slide was a twirling tube, shorter than Sung Hyunje. Han Yoojin quickly devised a plan to take pictures of him coming out of the slide so he could send them to Song Taewon. The tiny slide made him imagine Yoohyun trying to sit on a slide now, all grown-up.
The blond man side-eyed him. His golden eyes held a mischievous glint as his smile grew. No, why is he looking at him like that?
Sung Hyunje's hand let go of his. He didn't even realize they were still holding hands until the comfort disappeared. His hand felt like it was missing something before Sung Hyunje brought his hand to wrap around his back.
"What..!"
He kicked the back of Han Yoojin's knees and caught him as his legs went up. Han Yoojin, now stuck in a princess carry, felt like he was burning from the inside in sheer embarrassment.
"Hey, bastard! Put me down!!"
Could this be counted as a kidnapping? It sure felt like it. Chief Song, there's a criminal right here!!
Sung Hyunje hummed, completely resistant to all of Han Yoojin's struggling, as he approached the entrance of the slide.
"Did my dear partner say he wanted to slide?"
"No, I told you to try it! Are those ears of yours just for show?! So much for S-class hearing—!"
The tall man plopped him down at the front of the slide's entrance and crouched there, blocking Han Yoojin's way out completely.
"Go down the slide~."
"No!"
This was bullying. He's a weak little F-ranker being bullied by a big, bad, S-ranker.
"Does Han Yoojin-gun need help going down?"
"How are you going to help—?!"
Sung Hyunje scooted in, placing himself right behind Han Yoojin, wrapping his hands around his waist. His firm legs squished next to Han Yoojin's. It was cramped, and it felt impossible for them to both physically fit through the slide like this. But he had a feeling that Sung Hyunje would make it work somehow.
The body holding him was warm. He felt his face flushing at the familiar feeling. It felt safe. Sung Hyunje pushed them forward.
It was terrible, truly. The plastic slide squeaked noisily with each movement, there was too much friction to make them go down easily. Han Yoojin's legs hurt from how much he had to compress himself. Sung Hyunje had to use his legs to push them through the very non-slippery slide. Despite this awkward situation, Han Yoojin felt a grin growing with each harsh sound. His ears and brain spiked with pain from the horrid noises, but it silenced his mind.
Finally reaching the end, Han Yoojin quickly got up, easily escaping from the silent Sung Hyunje's arms. He was so distracted by the awful sounds he hadn't noticed Sung Hyunje had actually gone mute. Would it have been worse or better for him? His ears were better, but he was also more resistant to pain. He looked at the man's face, seeing a deeply pondering look on his face. His eyebrows were furrowed as his eyes were blanked out, mouth slightly agape.
Han Yoojin felt something in him release, akin to a string of yarn finally dropping after being drawn taut. He let out a soft huff before breaking into giggles. The look on Sung Hyunje's face made laughter burst out, feeling like he had won throughout this embarrassing ordeal.
"Haha! No way! Y-you—hahaha!"
This nearing-forty-year-old man had just forced them go down a godforsaken slide built for children, and now he's sitting stupidly with an expression like he's some Greek philosopher figuring out the ethics in politics. His face had been less contemplative for cases with higher stakes. It wasn't even that funny in retrospect, but maybe it was because he had been so down earlier that his expression made him laugh like he was drunk.
"You l-look so—! Hahaha!!"
Sung Hyunje looked up with wide eyes at Han Yoojin, who was letting laughter bubble out freely. It left Sung Hyunje desperately wanting to preserve those fragile bubbles into an intricate box and safeguard them for all of eternity. He would sneak his ear in close to the box, listening to it every night like a sweet lullaby. It felt like the first time he had ever made someone laugh like that—ever. This unfamiliar scene before him made the corners of his lips rise.
He soaked in the sight before him, letting it melt his expression into fondness. Han Yoojin's silhouette was backlit by the moonlight. The moon itself rested behind his head, creating a faux halo. But the effect it gave felt real. The sight before him was dazzling. He felt a special sort of elation that came only when he was with Han Yoojin. Standing up with a gentle smile on his face, he brought his hand to the still-hysterical Han Yoojin.
"Shall we sit on the swings?"
This "date."
It was clumsy, completely unplanned, and way too late at night to even actually do anything fun. It could barely be called a date. Yet, he felt himself take a real breath of air. It was clearing, running through his veins like a desperate sip of cold fresh water after running in the heat. Han Yoojin was completely living in the moment, not worrying about the future, not stricken by the past.
His responsibilities felt so far from him despite constantly overworking himself to the bone. He found himself laughing unrestrained, soft laughter intermingling with his own, as they talked about nothing important in particular.
Here they were. An ordinary F-ranker and an extraordinary S-ranker, swinging like children on a playground as if the world wasn't being eaten away by dungeons. Bantering back and forth as if they weren't well into their thirties and near-forties respectively. Just for a moment, they were merely enjoying life. This was anything but a date, it held a certain intimacy but gave him a fear to call it romantic. It was raw, new, and completely imperfect. But he wouldn't give it up for anything different.
However, it was getting late. Han Yoojin knew that he should retreat now, but he still asked for the time, hoping it was earlier than it really was.
"What time is it?"
"It's 1:43 in the morning."
He should go now, but he didn't want the moment to end yet. A relaxed silence settled over them as they stared at the stars for a few more minutes. Light pollution had made them harder to see, but he knew that the skies would clear up in a few years with continued mana-stone use. Still, the moonlight shone clearly on them, basking them in a cool-colored wash.
"That was a fun date." Han Yoojin said, offering his soft voice into the wind.
He felt a fuzzy feeling in his chest, spreading to the rest of his limbs, as his cheeks hurt from smiling. It was late and he should probably go back now. He almost mourned the fact that he would not experience this again. One date was enough, especially because he already knew he was going to dedicate his life to his kids. He couldn't afford anything like dating, and he doubted Sung Hyunje was even serious about having a date.
"Who said that was a date?"
His mouth twitched, "…Pardon?"
"I'm glad you think that this could be called one. But I never said when our date would be, or where." Sung Hyunje had a mischievous glint in his eyes.
"But—" His eyes widened as he tried to remember their conversation. Did Sung Hyunje really never say it would be now?
"And it seems Han Yoojin-gun got too excited and assumed it would be tonight~."
Then… he…
"My partner loves his sweets, but the young master would get angry at me if I gave him any."
All of that embarrassment for… nothing…
"So, what do you think of an aquarium?"
Han Yoojin shot up from his seat, face fully flushing. He glared at the smiling golden eyes. Still, being with Sung Hyunje had felt… No! He couldn't even be considered a friend. Only a business partner at most.
"Y-you're a con-man! You sly son of a bitch!"