Chapter Text
Tommy closed the door to the helicopter, getting back inside. It hadn’t been that long of a ride to the hospital and now he was just waiting for his paramedic, Harris, to return so they could take off and make their way back to Harbour.
He glanced at his co-pilot, smiling softly. He always thought it was fun to train the probies. He could show off a little bit. Give them a bit of a scare. He had to get enjoyment from somewhere, after all.
Of course, he’d get shit from Harris. They’d been working together too long for him not to. They were mostly professional, but you learned a few things about someone from working together that long.
Not that they had to learn too much. They were just coworkers after all.
“Okay, good to go,” Harris said, climbing back into the helicopter.
“Roger that,” Tommy said. “You want to take us up, Kensington?”
The probie, Kensington, looked at him, wide eyed. “Really?”
“Yup. Perfectly safe with me here. Remember, I can always take over if need be. But I think you’ve got this,” Tommy said.
“Maybe… maybe you can fly the way back,” Kensington said.
Tommy offered him a look. “It was just a small hiccup on the way here. You’ve got this.”
“I mean I know I do I just want to…” Kensington said.
“Okay, fine. Just because it’s a short flight back,” Tommy said. “But you’re leading the next one, okay?”
“Okay,” Kensington said, body sagging in relief.
“Come on, though. I’ve trained people for shorter times who’ve flown before. And you are doing great,” Tommy said.
“I appreciate that, sir,” Kensington said.
“Sir,” Harris said.
Tommy chuckled, shooting a smile to Harris in the back.
And then they were up. Flying. It was peaceful. Tommy was good with peaceful.
Especially after the way his life had been going recently.
Not that it was really anything that dramatic.
Not like some others he knew.
Work was fine. Good. It was the same as normal.
His private life… well. Lonely. Which was also the same as normal.
For a moment, he thought he had something. With Evan. Something real. And then he ruined it, like everything else in his life. He was unable to let himself be truly happy.
So things went back to normal for Tommy. How it was before. Work. Home. Alone.
And he was… happy enough. It was fine. Because that’s how it had to be.
But Evan, thinking about Evan…
Evan had lost everything. Bobby’s death had really done a number on him and Tommy hadn’t seen him since the funeral.
He had thought about reaching out multiple times, but each time he did, he saw Evan’s face in his mind. The scream that tore out of Evan's body when Bobby died.
And Tommy pulled back.
Because he then remembered Evan’s look on his face the two times Tommy walked out on him.
At that devastation.
So what would reaching out do? It would just make things worse.
And Tommy didn’t want to put any other added stress onto Evan.
It would be fine. Evan had so many people on his side to help. The 118 was his family and would take care of him. And his sister would help as well.
They always were there when things got rough.
What would Tommy be able to do for him? Evan didn’t need him.
Evan had probably gotten over him by now anyway.
Tommy sighed. He didn’t know why he was still thinking about Evan. It had been months. Months since they broke up. Since they hooked up. Since they tried to save Bobby. Since they saved Chimney. Months since the funeral. Since they talked.
It had been too long.
And yet he still thought about him. All the time.
Tommy thought he was saving himself heartbreak. But he still…
It wasn’t meant to be.
If it was meant to be, he would have reached out to Evan.
Evan would have reached out to him.
Something would have brought them back together.
There would have been some sort of sign, showing they were meant to be together. Something big.
But the universe didn’t send those kinds of signs to someone like Tommy.
Tommy knew he was meant to be alone.
Tommy… was having a hard time focusing on the sky in front of him.
It was sort of blurry, fading around the edges.
Tommy scrunched his eyes shut, blinking.
When he opened his eyes, he expected it to be okay again.
It wasn’t.
His vision started fading in and out and getting darker.
“Hey, Kensington,” Tommy started.
“Yes, sir?” Kensington asked.
Tommy frowned. “I need you to… you might have to…”
And then Tommy blinked again and when he opened his eyes he almost walked into a fire engine.
“What the fuck?” he said, taking a step back, hands out to brace himself.
His mouth dropped open and he looked around, trying to figure out what the hell just happened.
“Oh my god, Buck!”
Tommy spun around, searching. Evan? Evan was here? How did Evan get here? Where was here? How did Tommy get here?
“Buck, what the hell! Are you trying to hit your head again? I know you just said you aren’t hurt and are feeling more like yourself, but I think you might be telling a bit of a lie there.”
Tommy turned to face the person who was speaking, seeing Ravi staring at him, eyes wide.
“Ravi? Are you talking to me?” Tommy asked, frowning and pointing at himself.
Another guy standing nearby spoke up. “Who else would he be talking to, Buck?” And then the guy looked at Ravi. “Yeah, I don’t think he’s okay.”
Tommy stared at the new guy. He looked familiar. Young. Had to be a probie.
“Buck?” Ravi said again.
“Why are you calling me Buck?” Tommy asked slowly. “Are you okay, Ravi?”
And then he paused. He… didn’t sound like himself.
Tommy frowned before he spoke slowly, “Hello.”
Oh. Yeah. That wasn’t his voice.
That was Evan’s voice. The voice he only heard in his dreams now.
Oh. He was dreaming. Of course.
How else would he get from flying a helicopter in the sky, into the engine bay of the 118?
Man, this was a really realistic dream. Where he sounded like Evan. He had to get Evan off his mind.
“Hello?” the probie said, confused.
“Harry, let me,” Ravi said, before he turned to face Tommy.
Oh. Harry. That’s who that was. That didn’t really clear up much for Tommy.
“Hey,” Ravi said slowly. “What just happened? Can you explain what you’re feeling?”
“What?” Tommy asked.
“You literally just stopped in the middle of a sentence and almost walked into the engine. And now you’re acting strange. You hit your head harder than you said, didn’t you?” Ravi asked.
Hit his head? Oh. He must have. Maybe it wasn’t a dream. Just an injury. But that wouldn’t explain why he was at the 118. Or sounded like Evan.
“This is really weird,” Tommy said. “Though I don’t remember hitting my head.”
He saw the two of them look at each other in worry.
“Buck? You don’t remember that? You just said you did,” Harry said.
“No, I don’t remember that. Wait, you’re still calling me Buck. I’m Buck?” Tommy asked, chuckling.
“Of course you are. Who else would you be?” Ravi asked, then continued, not waiting for an answer. “You know what? I’m having Chimney look you over. No more Eddie. I don’t trust his assessment. Something’s wrong.”
“I’m fine,” Tommy said. “This isn’t real. It’s a dream. I’m going to wake up soon.”
“This isn’t a dream, Buck,” Harry said. “Why would you think it’s a dream?”
Tommy chuckled. “Because it has to be.”
“Why does it have to be?” Ravi asked.
“Because you’re calling me Buck,” Tommy said.
“And we shouldn’t?” Harry asked.
“No,” Tommy said simply.
“Okay, that’s it, let’s find Chimney,” Ravi said.
“That’s a good idea,” Tommy said. “He’ll be able to help me wake up.”
“Do you think he’s lost it?” Harry asked. “Is something wrong with his brain?”
“Maybe,” Ravi said. “Buck, come on.”
“I can’t believe you think I’m Buck,” Tommy said, chuckling. “This is the weirdest dream ever.”
“Something’s really wrong,” Harry said.
“Buck. Please focus for a moment,” Ravi said.
“I’m focused. Man, it’s weird to be back at the 118,” Tommy said. “Okay, I’m ready to wake up now. I have to get back. I was busy.”
“Maybe we should just take him to the hospital,” Harry said.
“No,” Tommy said. “Just give me a moment. Waking up now… come on. You’re not Evan, wake up.”
“Evan?” Harry asked. “Who calls Buck, Evan?”
“Few people,” Ravi mumbled. “His sister does sometimes. Tommy did. Buck. You’re starting to scare me.”
“I’ll be fine in a moment,” Tommy said.
“Cap!” Ravi called out. A few people turned their heads to them but then went back to work. “Here, Buck, please sit down for a moment.”
Tommy let them direct him to a bench, shaking his head.
He closed his eyes, scrunching them tight. That’s how he got here in the first place. He opened them again and Ravi and Harry were still staring at him.
“Can you follow my finger?” Ravi asked.
“I don’t have brain damage,” Tommy said.
“You might,” Harry muttered.
“Why would I have brain damage?” Tommy asked.
“Because you were talking and stopped in the middle of a sentence and now don’t know who you are,” Harry said.
“I know who I am,” Tommy said.
“Okay, I’ll bite, who are you?” Ravi asked.
Tommy could see Chimney coming down the stairs and approaching them.
“Tommy, of course,” Tommy said.
Harry and Ravi exchanged a look.
“Uh, no you’re not…” Harry started.
Ravi shushed him. “Okay, Tommy. Not Buck. Sure,” Ravi said.
“Right,” Tommy said.
“And if you’re Tommy, why are you here?” Ravi asked.
“I don’t know. I mean I was just at work and then suddenly I’m here. I must have passed out in the bunk and dreamt all this. What a strange dream,” Tommy said. “I’d like to wake up now.”
“Yeah, uh,” Ravi said. “So, here’s the thing. You aren’t asleep. This is real. And you hit your head not that long ago and are now hallucinating apparently.”
“I’m hallucinating?” Tommy asked.
Ravi sighed, grabbing his phone before he flipped the camera to show Tommy.
And Tommy stared.
“Evan?” he asked, reaching out in front of him. He grabbed the phone, looking at himself. “What the hell?”
“If you somehow have brain damage and are now thinking you’re Tommy, this is going to be a big problem. I know he messed you up, but I didn’t realize it was that much,” Ravi said.
“So, hospital, right?” Harry asked.
“I didn’t mess him up,” Tommy mumbled, still staring at himself. “He looks great.”
“Buck,” Ravi said. “Please tell me you’re just messing with us, right? Because now you’re starting to take this a little far.”
“I’m not…” Tommy said, still staring. “This is… this can’t be real.”
Suddenly Harry hit Tommy on the arm.
“Ow,” Tommy said, rubbing his arm. His arm that had tattoos. Evan’s tattoos.
“What the hell, Harry?” Ravi asked.
“If he thinks he’s dreaming, you can’t feel pain in dreams. So therefore…” Harry started.
Tommy blinked. Doubt was starting to creep in. “I felt that. But then… that somehow means I’m Evan and if I’m Evan, would he be me? But if he’s me and this is real…”
Tommy trailed off, paling dramatically.
“Oh my god, is he going to pass out? Chimney! Where are you? What is taking so long?” Ravi called out.
Chimney had gotten pulled over to talk to someone else and was finally on his way to them when Tommy spoke again.
“If this is real, and I am here… is he... there?” Tommy asked.
“Is who where?” Harry asked.
“If we swapped…” Tommy started, thinking the next word, “bodies.” He paused. His face went as white as ash as he continued, “That means…
“Swapped?” Chimney asked approaching.
Tommy looked at them all. “I was so disoriented I almost walked into the engine. If that’s how I felt when I got here… and he’s there…”
“Who? Where?” Chimney asked. “Buck, are you okay?”
Tommy swallowed heavily, glancing at the others with dawning horror.
“I’m not okay. And neither is he. Because if he’s going to take my place, right where I was before… I was flying a helicopter,” Tommy said.
Meanwhile, a few minutes earlier:
Buck shrugged out of his turnouts, dumping them in the bin to get washed.
“You good, man?” Ravi asked, glancing at him.
“Totally fine,” Buck said.
“You got hit pretty hard on the head back there,” Ravi said.
“I’m fine,” Buck said. “Eddie said I’m fine.”
“Right, and we all trust Eddie’s judgement right now,” Ravi muttered under his breath.
Buck turned to him. “Look, I promise. I’m good, okay? It wasn’t even hard enough for a concussion.”
Ravi sent him a look.
And then Harry ran up. “Buck, are you okay?”
Buck chuckled lightly. “I’m good, Harry.”
“Actually good? Or if I asked my mom to ask you that question, you’d change your answer?” Harry asked.
Ravi hid a laugh.
“You didn’t ask her to check on me, did you?” Buck asked.
Harry just shrugged.
“Harry!” Buck said.
“No, I didn’t,” Harry said. “But being part of this team is making sure everyone else is okay, right?”
Buck swallowed deeply at that. “Right,” he said.
“So I want to make sure you’re okay,” Harry said.
“Well, thank you,” Buck said. “I am perfectly fine. Feeling perfectly like myself.”
“Uh huh,” Ravi said.
“So much like myself, indeed, that…”
Buck trailed off. He blinked. The room was kind of spinning.
“Buck?” Harry asked.
“I…” Buck said.
He blinked again. Okay, maybe he wasn’t okay. The room was definitely spinning and getting darker around the edges. He closed his eyes tight.
And when he opened them next, he was greeted with a window looking out over the city of Los Angeles.
Wait. Over?
No. Not over. Sort of over. Flying over.
He was looking out the window of a helicopter.
A helicopter that was currently flying across the city.
A helicopter that dipped for a moment.
Buck immediately winced and reached out for the handle on the side of the helicopter, holding tight. “Oh shit!”
“Kinard! What the hell! Keep us steady!”
Tommy? Tommy was here? Oh thank god, they were going to be fine. For a moment Buck thought they were going to die.
Tommy really had to stop playing around in the helicopter.
Buck looked around quickly for Tommy but only saw a wide-eyed younger man in a flight suit beside him and a paramedic in the back that was staring at him incredulously. They were the one that spoke.
“Tommy!” the paramedic yelled, staring directly at him.
Buck blinked, looking around again, like Tommy would miraculously appear.
Were they talking to him? He was not Tommy. He was definitely not Tommy. Why were they talking to him?
“Tommy! What the hell? Grab the throttle you idiot! Why did you let go?” the paramedic yelled.
“Me?” Buck asked suddenly, eyes going wider if possible. He didn’t know why he asked that.
“Yes, you! Fly the damn helicopter!”
Buck glanced in front of him and saw that one of his hands was still on the controls, but he’d let go with the other. Why was he holding the controls? Who let him fly a helicopter? Wasn’t he just at the 118?
What the hell was happening?
He quickly grabbed the controls, thankful for the brief lesson Tommy gave him to know how to start. He could keep it steady. But he had no idea how to land this thing.
“Holy shit!” Buck exclaimed.
“Yeah, my thoughts exactly. What the fuck are you doing?” the paramedic asked.
“I don’t know!” Buck exclaimed. “What is happening?”
“You are flying us back to Harbour, what the hell!” the paramedic yelled.
“This can’t be real. How did I get here?” Buck asked.
“Shit,” Harris mumbled.
“How hard did I hit my head? I really didn’t think it was that bad,” Buck said.
This was a really weird dream. Or some kind of brain trauma from a concussion? Maybe he shouldn’t have trusted Eddie and instead should have gone to the hospital to get checked out.
“You hit your head? When the hell did you hit your head?” the paramedic called out. “Kensington, take the controls!”
“Me?” the guy beside Buck asked. “But… are you sure? After what happened earlier?”
“Yes, I’m sure! Kinard said you were okay. At least he did before he seemed to lose his mind! So you’re better than him, at least right now. He’s completely out of it. Tommy! Wake up! What the hell is wrong with you? Are you having a stroke?”
Buck thought about it. Maybe he was having a stroke. “Why are you calling me Tommy?” he asked.
“Shit,” the paramedic said. “Kensington, come on. Fly us back to Harbour.”
“Are you sure I shouldn’t fly us back to the hospital?” Kensington asked.
“We need to refuel. I’ll drive him back in the ambulance,” the paramedic said.
Before Buck could think about what that meant, the helicopter suddenly levelled out and started heading in the direction of Harbour station.
Buck let go of the controls fully as Kensington started flying. Buck looked at his hands.
“How did I get here?” Buck mumbled.
“Tommy. Hey, look at me,” the paramedic said. “Do you know my name?”
Buck blinked. “Uh…”
“Shit. It’s Harris, remember? Andrew Harris? Come on, man, we’ve worked together for years,” Harris said.
“Right,” Buck said. “Yeah I… why are you calling me Tommy?”
“Because you get mad when I call you Kinard,” Harris said.
“But I’m not Tommy,” Buck mumbled.
Harris stared at him. “Who are you, then?”
Buck paused. That was an odd question. And then he caught his reflection in the glass.
“Holy shit, am I Tommy?” he asked.
“Okay, you are getting a full workup once we land. For now, I need you to answer some questions. Can you tell me today’s date?” Harris asked.
“February 4th,” Buck said. “Wait, is that right?”
“That’s right,” Harris said.
“What the hell is happening?” Buck asked.
“That’s what I’d like to know,” Harris said. “Tell me what you’re feeling. I can’t assess well from back here, but I will do my best.”
“I mean I know I hit my head, but to wake up in my ex’s body? That is completely absurd. While he’s flying a helicopter? This can’t be real. This has to be a dream,” Buck mumbled.
“Okay, not a dream. It’s real. And you almost killed us. When did you hit your head?” Harris asked.
Buck swallowed deeply, shaking his head slightly.
“Wait, did you say you think you’re in your ex’s body?” Kensington asked.
It was quiet for a moment.
“Yeah, wait. What the hell?” Harris asked.
“I…” Buck started.
“Tell us what is going on from your perspective,” Harris said.
“I was at work. I hit my head on a call. I was just talking with some of the others, dumping my turnouts to get cleaned, then I was suddenly here,” Buck said.
“And you think you are…?” Harris said.
Buck swallowed. “Evan Buckley. 118.”
“Huh,” Harris said.
“Who’s that?” Kensington asked.
“Tommy’s ex,” Harris said. “Look, can you lift your arms, best you can?”
“What?” Buck asked.
“Look at me and talk,” Harris said.
Buck glanced back. “And say what?”
Harris stared at him.
“Is he having a stroke?” Kensington asked.
“That’s what I’m trying to figure out. Hey! Tommy! Or Buck. Whoever. Look at me,” Harris said.
Buck did his best to turn around and face him.
“Talk again,” Harris said.
“I’m not having a stroke,” Buck said. “My speech is fine. My face is fine. I’m just… not Tommy. And yet…”
“And yet, you are,” Harris said.
“But I’m not,” Buck said, frowning.
The helicopter turned and Buck grabbed for the handle again, trying to calm himself.
“Hey! Focus on me,” Harris said.
Buck turned back.
“Kensington, take us back and land, okay?” Harris said.
“Yup, Eta 5 minutes,” Kensington said.
“You, focus,” Harris said. “Tell me everything you’re experiencing right now. Any pain? Is your head bothering you? How’s your heartrate?”
Buck frowned. “I feel fine. My head isn’t even bothering me like it was before this. I mean my heartrate’s through the roof because I didn’t expect to be in a helicopter but…”
He could see the looks he was getting.
“Okay, just try to take deep breaths and relax, we will land very shortly,” Harris said.
Buck nodded, trying to take stock of what was going on. He glanced at the window of the helicopter again, seeing a vague reflection of Tommy looking back at him.
Maybe he was in a coma again. But then why would he think up some people he didn’t know? Last time it used the people he was familiar with. Because it was in his brain. He didn’t know Tommy’s coworkers. Why didn’t he know Tommy’s coworkers? Shouldn’t he have known something about them?
Buck had to wonder if this was really happening. And if it was… where was Tommy?
Back at the 118?
The helicopter landed and Buck heard Kensington let out a sigh of relief.
And then Harris was out and around to Buck’s side.
“I’m fine,” Buck said, getting out of the helicopter.
“You’re not fine. You think you’re a different person. You forgot you were flying us in a helicopter,” Harris said, hovering around Buck.
“That’s not...”
“What if you had been flying on your own?” Harris asked.
Buck sighed and then looked at Harris.
“Follow my finger,” Harris said, before he was shining a light in Buck’s eyes and doing a full neuro assessment, and then taking Buck’s blood pressure and doing some other tests.
Buck passed with flying colours.
Except for a few questions to prove his mental status. Because he was asked things he didn’t know about Harris. Or Harbour. Or Kensington. Things that Tommy knew.
“Huh,” Harris said.
Buck started taking stock of those around them. They were gaining some attention from the checks he was getting.
“Look, I just need to wake up from this weird dream and then everything will be fine,” Buck said.
“What?” Harris asked.
“I’m not waking up. This isn’t real, right? Like, this has to be a dream. I couldn’t have crashed the helicopter because this is some made up dream while I’m out cold, or in a coma again or…” Buck said, trailing off.
“We’re going back to the hospital for a full workup,” Harris said.
“No. I think…” Buck started. “I think I need to go now.”
He needed to find Tommy. Figure out what was going on. Because if this was some sort of coma dream again… that was the only way out.
Buck wrung his hands together then looked down at them. Tommy’s hands. These weren’t his. Because he was Tommy.
He was actually Tommy.
Was he?
And then Buck was suddenly running to the locker room, glad that he had taken that tour with Tommy all that time ago.
And he stopped short in front of a mirror.
Tommy’s reflection stared back.
Buck’s mouth dropped open, hand going to his face, to see if it was real.
And the hand in the mirror followed.
Tommy’s hand.
Tommy’s face.
“Holy shit,” Buck mumbled.
He stared at his reflection a little longer.
This had to be a dream. This couldn’t be real.