Chapter Text
The common room was occupied without being especially busy.
Kaminari and Sero had control of the television, though neither seemed particularly invested in the fighting game they had chosen. Kirishima watched from the floor and offered encouragement whenever either character landed something impressive. Mina and Hagakure had claimed one couch, with Jirou sitting at the far end and pretending not to participate in their conversation.
Yaoyorozu had a book open in her lap. Uraraka and Tsuyu were doing homework at the table. Mineta sat nearby with his own handheld game, occasionally looking up to criticize Kaminari’s performance.
“Block low.”
“I know how to block.”
Sero’s character swept Kaminari’s legs.
Mineta looked back down at his screen.
“Evidence suggests otherwise.”
The elevator doors opened.
Bakugou stepped out wearing dark sweatpants and a black T-shirt bearing a flaming skull surrounded by gold lines and twisting symbols.
He crossed toward the kitchen.
Nobody paid much attention until Mineta glanced up.
His eyes followed Bakugou.
“Is that a Baldur’s Gate shirt?”
Bakugou looked down at it.
“Yeah.”
Mineta lowered his game.
“You played three?”
“Obviously.”
That answer attracted Midoriya’s attention from the other end of the room.
Kaminari looked away from the television.
“What’s Baldur’s Gate?”
“A video game,” Mineta said.
Bakugou opened the cabinet above the kettle.
Mineta was already smiling.
“What’d you play?”
“Human wizard.”
Mineta blinked.
“Wizard?”
Bakugou turned his head.
“The fuck’s wrong with Wizard?”
“Nothing. I just didn’t expect it.”
“Why?”
Kaminari pointed toward him.
“Because you explode things.”
“I can already explode things.”
Bakugou pulled down his mug.
“If I’m playing a fantasy game, why the fuck would I build another version of myself?”
That answer seemed so obvious once spoken that nobody immediately challenged it.
Mineta nodded.
“Fair.”
Midoriya had put aside his notebook.
“What school?”
“Evocation first run.”
“First run?” Sero repeated.
Bakugou filled the kettle.
“I’ve played more than once.”
“How many times?” Midoriya asked.
“Enough.”
“That isn’t a number.”
“It’s the number you’re getting.”
Mineta leaned against the table.
“I played a human barbarian.”
Bakugou looked back at him.
“Berserker?”
“Obviously.”
“Tavern Brawler?”
Mineta’s grin widened.
“Obviously.”
Bakugou made a quiet sound of disgust.
Kaminari looked between them.
“What’s wrong with that?”
“He abused the throwing system.”
“It was put there to be used.”
“You spent the whole game throwing furniture.”
“I threw weapons.”
“You threw dead goblins.”
“They were available.”
Kirishima leaned forward.
“You can throw people?”
“If your Strength is high enough,” Mineta said. “Tavern Brawler makes throwing attacks stronger, Berserker gives you Enraged Throw, and once you get the Returning Pike you barely need to walk toward anything.”
Bakugou turned on the kettle.
“He also used enemies as improvised weapons against other enemies.”
“Efficient crowd control.”
“You beat a cultist to death with another cultist.”
“The first cultist was already dead.”
“That doesn’t make it less stupid.”
“It makes it resourceful.”
Kirishima looked impressed.
“That sounds awesome.”
“It is,” Mineta said.
“It’s a degenerate build,” Bakugou replied.
“A degenerate build that worked.”
Bakugou didn’t argue with that.
The realization that both of them had independently spent a significant amount of time playing the same enormous fantasy game had drawn more attention than either seemed to notice.
Jirou lowered one side of her headphones.
Mina twisted around on the couch.
“You two are both fantasy nerds?”
“They’re gamers,” Kaminari said.
“Those categories overlap.”
Bakugou took peppermint tea from the cabinet.
Mineta asked the question he clearly considered more important than either build.
“Who’d you romance?”
Jirou closed her eyes.
“There it is.”
Bakugou answered without looking over.
“Karlach.”
Mineta stopped smiling.
“Karlach?”
“Yeah.”
“Over Lae’zel?”
Bakugou paused with the tea in his hand.
He turned.
“You picked Lae’zel?”
“She’s the best girl.”
Bakugou stared at him.
“She insults your nose within ten minutes of meeting you.”
“She was making an anthropological observation.”
“She called it economical.”
“And she was right.”
“She calls teeth decadent.”
“She has strong opinions.”
Bakugou placed the tea beside his mug.
“You’re fucking hopeless.”
“You picked Karlach!”
“Because Karlach’s the best.”
“Karlach is great. Everybody likes Karlach. That doesn’t make her the best.”
“It does when she’s better than everybody else.”
Kaminari raised one hand.
“Who are Karlach and Lae’zel?”
“Women,” Jirou said.
“Companions,” Mineta corrected.
“Female companions,” Mina said.
“Romanceable female companions,” Sero added.
Bakugou poured the heated water into his mug.
“Congratulations. You assembled the answer.”
Mina got up from the couch and crossed closer.
“What kind of women?”
Mineta pointed toward Bakugou.
“His is a tiefling barbarian with an engine for a heart.”
Mina stopped.
“A what?”
“A tiefling.”
“What do they look like?”
“Horns, tails, unusual skin colors.”
Mina slowly lifted one hand to touch one of her horns.
The class looked at her.
Her eyes brightened.
“There’s an entire fantasy race that looks a little like me?”
“Kind of,” Mineta said.
“Why has nobody told me about this game?”
“Nobody knew you cared,” Jirou replied.
“I didn’t know there were horned pink-adjacent people.”
“Karlach’s red,” Bakugou said.
“Close enough. I’m interested.”
Mineta crossed his arms.
“That doesn’t mean Karlach’s better.”
Bakugou picked up his mug.
“She is.”
“Explain why.”
“I don’t need to explain shit to you.”
“You challenged my choice.”
“You challenged mine first.”
“Then we both present our cases.”
Yaoyorozu lowered her book.
“Are you proposing a structured comparison?”
“No,” Jirou said.
“Yes,” Mineta said simultaneously.
Bakugou walked into the common room with his tea.
Unlike everyone else, he didn’t look reluctant to continue. The corners of his mouth had pulled upward slightly. Someone else had finally mentioned a subject he knew well enough to argue about properly.
He sat in the chair beside the couch.
“Fine.”
Mina immediately claimed the position nearest him.
“Tell us about Karlach.”
Bakugou took a drink.
“She got sold to an archdevil by a politician she trusted. They cut out her heart, shoved an infernal engine into her chest, and forced her to spend ten years fighting in the Blood War.”
Uraraka stared.
“That’s awful.”
“Yeah.”
“And she survives?” Kirishima asked.
“She escapes.”
“Is she angry?”
“Sometimes.”
Bakugou considered the question.
“But mostly she’s happy.”
Mina tilted her head.
“Happy?”
“She’s finally out.”
He said it like that explained everything.
“She likes food. Sunlight. Having somewhere halfway decent to sleep. She dances when she’s standing around because she gets bored. She wants to help people. She likes nearly everybody.”
Mineta raised a finger.
“Unless they hurt children or innocent people.”
“Then she wants to put an axe through them.”
Kirishima nodded approvingly.
“Reasonable.”
“She sounds nice,” Uraraka said.
“She is.”
The immediate answer made several people look at him.
Bakugou noticed.
“What?”
Mina smiled carefully.
“Nothing.”
“You’ve got a face.”
“I’m just surprised by how quickly you answered.”
“You asked a simple question.”
Mineta sat down on the edge of the table.
“Karlach is extremely lovable. I concede that.”
“Then stop wasting everybody’s time.”
“I said lovable, not best.”
“Same thing.”
“No, it isn’t.”
Bakugou ignored him.
“She even likes Lae’zel.”
“Most companions eventually like Lae’zel.”
“Karlach acts like they’re best friends almost immediately.”
Mineta couldn’t quite hide his smile.
“She does.”
“Lae’zel says something insulting, and Karlach talks to her like they’ve been drinking together for six years.”
“Lae’zel respects her.”
“Because Karlach doesn’t act wounded every time Frog Lady talks.”
“Don’t call her Frog Lady.”
“You call her Frog Lady.”
“Affectionately.”
“So do I.”
“No, you don’t.”
Bakugou leaned back with his mug.
“Karlach basically decided they were friends before Lae’zel got a vote.”
Mina’s grin widened.
“She sounds like a golden retriever.”
Bakugou frowned.
“She’s not a dog.”
“I mean her personality. Friendly, enthusiastic, wants to be everybody’s friend—”
“She’s a fucking cinnamon roll.”
The room went silent.
Mina stared.
Jirou slowly lowered her headphones the rest of the way.
Even Midoriya looked as though he had been caught unprepared.
Bakugou looked around at them.
“What?”
“You called her a cinnamon roll,” Mina said.
“That’s what she is.”
“You know that phrase?”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“I don’t know. I just never thought I’d hear it from you.”
“Then you learned something.”
He didn’t look embarrassed. If anything, he seemed annoyed that everyone considered the description remarkable.
Hagakure’s gloves came together.
“That’s adorable.”
Bakugou pointed at the empty air between them.
“She’s adorable. I’m not.”
Kaminari made a strangled sound.
Bakugou turned toward him.
“What now?”
“You admitted that too.”
“I’m describing a character. Why the fuck would I lie?”
Midoriya had already opened a notebook.
Bakugou noticed.
“Put that away, Deku.”
“But you’ve apparently completed multiple campaigns—”
“And you don’t need written records of me using the phrase cinnamon roll.”
Midoriya reluctantly lowered his pencil.
Mina continued smiling.
“So your favorite is the lovable, cheerful one.”
“My favorite is the one who went through ten years of Hell and came out still happy to be alive.”
The joking diminished.
Bakugou’s voice remained casual, but there was nothing casual about the reason itself.
“She had every excuse to hate everybody. She didn’t. She gets out and starts celebrating because she can eat actual food and see the sky.”
Uraraka looked toward the logo on his shirt, as though Karlach might somehow be hidden inside it.
“That sounds really hard.”
“No shit.”
Mineta nodded.
“It is one of the strongest parts of her character.”
Bakugou pointed at him.
“Then concede.”
“No. Because Lae’zel is still better.”
“Explain.”
Mineta straightened.
“First, you need to understand mind flayers.”
Kaminari raised his hand.
“Squid people.”
“Psychic squid people that reproduce by putting a parasite into your eye.”
Kaminari lowered his hand.
“That’s worse.”
“The parasite destroys who you are and turns your body into another mind flayer. The entire party gets infected at the beginning.”
Tsuyu rested her chin on one hand.
“And Lae’zel knows what’s happening, ribbit.”
“Better than anyone. Her people were enslaved by mind flayers. They’ve built their entire civilization around fighting them. To Lae’zel, becoming one is worse than death.”
“So she’s scared,” Uraraka said.
“Terrified.”
Jirou raised an eyebrow.
“Does she act scared?”
“No. She insults everybody and starts demanding that we go to a githyanki crèche because she believes her people have a cure.”
Yaoyorozu nodded.
“If she possesses reliable knowledge of a cure, that seems rational.”
“It is,” Mineta said. “Except the player keeps wasting time.”
“Doing what?” Sero asked.
“Exploring ruins. Helping refugees. Fighting goblins. Investigating a swamp. Collecting mushrooms. Solving every problem except the parasite that’s supposed to be days away from transforming us.”
Tsuyu blinked.
“That would make the player seem dangerously irresponsible.”
“Exactly.”
Mineta pointed toward her.
“Lae’zel keeps telling us to go to the crèche. She complains, threatens to leave, and calls everybody incompetent.”
“That last part probably came before the parasite,” Jirou said.
“Probably. But she stays.”
Sero shrugged.
“Maybe she needs the group.”
“Lae’zel thinks everybody else is useless,” Mineta said. “She was raised to believe non-githyanki are inferior. She absolutely thinks she can reach the crèche alone.”
Bakugou nodded once.
“She probably could.”
“But she never decides to save herself and leave the player behind. She keeps trying to take us to the cure with her.”
Mineta’s expression had become more serious.
“Everything she was taught says our life is worth less than hers. She says things like she believes it. But when she thinks she knows how to save us, she never acts like leaving us to die is an option.”
The common room quieted.
Jirou studied him more closely.
“That’s what you noticed?”
“Yeah.”
Mineta looked down briefly.
“Then there’s the night she thinks the transformation is starting.”
Kaminari leaned forward.
“What happens?”
“She says she’ll kill the player.”
Kaminari recoiled.
“There it is.”
“Before she kills herself.”
“That didn’t help.”
“It should.”
Mineta struggled for a moment to put the distinction into words.
“She thinks transforming is the worst thing that can possibly happen. Every second she waits could mean it happens to her too. If she only cared about herself, she’d make sure she died first.”
He looked back up.
“But she says she’ll take care of us before herself.”
Nobody interrupted.
“That was when I decided I’d die for her.”
Jirou’s eyebrows rose.
“You decided that before the romance?”
“Yeah.”
“Before the sex scene?”
“Yes.”
Kaminari frowned.
“So you didn’t choose her because she’s a strong alien woman who can throw you around?”
Mineta shrugged.
“Actually, I topped her.”
Silence struck the room again.
Jirou slowly turned toward him.
“What?”
“The first scene gives you a roll to take control. I figured I’d try it. The dice liked me.”
“You succeeded?”
“Yeah.”
“First try?”
“Yeah.”
Bakugou clicked his tongue.
“Luckiest roll he got all campaign.”
Mineta placed a hand over his chest.
“Fate recognized leadership potential.”
“You played a throw-abusing barbarian.”
“A dominant throw-abusing barbarian.”
“You carried twenty-seven throwing weapons because you were afraid the Returning Pike would bug out.”
“And I was right to.”
Kaminari still looked confused.
“So you didn’t want her to dominate you?”
“I wouldn’t have complained. But the option appeared, and I tried it.”
Bakugou took another drink.
“Then he developed a protection complex.”
“I did not.”
“You threatened Vlaakith out loud.”
“She was disrespecting Lae’zel.”
“She’s a lich queen. She disrespects everybody.”
“That doesn’t make it acceptable.”
“Protection complex.”
“I provide tactical and emotional support.”
“You wanted to fight a god for hurting her feelings.”
Mineta folded his arms.
“It would have been worth the attempt.”
Mina was looking between them with open delight.
“This is not where I thought the conversation was going.”
“What did you expect?” Mineta asked.
“You picking whichever woman had the biggest chest.”
“That wouldn’t narrow it down enough.”
Jirou stared at him.
“So you didn’t choose Lae’zel based on appearance.”
“No.”
The answer surprised the class nearly as much as Bakugou’s description of Karlach had.
Mineta looked around.
“What?”
“You’re Mineta,” Kaminari said.
“I know.”
“You’ve ranked girls based on individual body parts.”
“I can find somebody attractive without making her my favorite character.”
Mina leaned forward.
“So which woman is the hottest?”
Mineta frowned.
“They’re all tens.”
“All of them?”
“All of them.”
“That isn’t a ranking.”
“It isn’t supposed to be. Karlach, Lae’zel, Shadowheart, Minthara—they’re all tens in different ways.”
Mina turned toward Bakugou.
“Do you agree?”
“Yeah.”
No delay.
No denial.
The entire class stared at him.
Bakugou stared back.
“What?”
Kaminari pointed.
“You just agreed with Mineta’s attractiveness assessment.”
“He’s right.”
“You think they’re all tens?”
“The game has hot women in it. This isn’t classified information.”
“You usually act like you don’t find anyone attractive.”
“No. I act like your guesses about what I find attractive are stupid.”
Mina’s smile returned.
“Then what stands out about Karlach?”
“Best smile.”
“That’s it?”
“No.”
Bakugou offered nothing else.
Mina waited patiently.
His eyes narrowed.
“Best legs.”
Mineta nodded.
“Excellent legs.”
“And her chest isn’t exactly a negative.”
Kaminari made a choking noise.
Bakugou looked at him.
“What now?”
“You admitted that in front of everybody.”
“Mina asked.”
“You could have avoided answering.”
“Why?”
That silenced Kaminari.
Bakugou genuinely didn’t understand why he was expected to hide an opinion about an adult fictional woman.
Mina looked increasingly entertained.
“What else?”
“Broken horn looks good. Scars look good. Her eyes are nice.”
He shrugged.
“The others are hot. Karlach looks happy to see you.”
The room quieted again.
Mina slowly smiled.
“That was romantic.”
“It was an observation about her face.”
“You like that she looks happy to see you.”
“That changes how somebody looks.”
“Keep explaining.”
“I’ll explain your trajectory through that wall.”
Jirou looked toward Mineta.
“And Lae’zel?”
“Best ass.”
“There he is.”
“You asked.”
“Mina asked.”
“She asked for the class.”
Mineta continued.
“Great legs. Intense eyes. And she has the best expressions once she starts softening.”
Uraraka tilted her head.
“What does that mean?”
“She doesn’t smile often. So when she does, it feels important.”
Jirou stared at him for a moment.
“That was almost sweet.”
“She also has the best ass.”
“And you ruined it.”
“I can appreciate several things at once.”
Mina sat back.
“So they’re all tens, Karlach has the best smile, Lae’zel has the best ass, and neither of you chose based primarily on appearance.”
“Basically,” Mineta said.
“Karlach’s still the best,” Bakugou added.
“Lae’zel.”
“Karlach.”
“Lae’zel.”
Yaoyorozu closed her book.
“We cannot resolve this.”
Bakugou looked toward her.
“Sure we can. I’m right.”
“None of us have played the game. We cannot independently evaluate either argument.”
Mina looked toward the television.
“We could play it.”
Bakugou’s head turned immediately.
The response wasn’t reluctant.
It wasn’t wary.
His face brightened.
“Yeah.”
The quick enthusiasm surprised them yet again.
Kaminari blinked.
“You actually want us to?”
“It’s a good fucking game.”
Bakugou set his mug down.
“If we’re going to argue about it, you should know what you’re talking about.”
Mineta grinned.
“One class campaign.”
“Human protagonist,” Bakugou said.
Mineta nodded immediately.
“Obviously.”
Mina pointed at herself.
“But there are tieflings.”
“You can make a tiefling if you want,” Bakugou said.
Mina’s eyes widened.
“Really?”
“It changes how some people react to you. Gives you racial dialogue and fire resistance.”
She was already moving toward the television.
“I want horns.”
“You already have horns,” Jirou said.
“I want fantasy horns.”
Mineta began gathering the games from the floor.
“We’ll need the polyamory mod.”
Yaoyorozu paused.
“Why?”
“So they can see every romance in one campaign.”
Bakugou nodded.
“Yeah. Otherwise it’ll lock routes once we commit.”
Jirou looked between them.
“You’re both comfortable turning the party into a harem.”
“It’s comparative analysis,” Mineta said.
“It saves several hundred hours,” Bakugou added.
“That is still a harem.”
“A time-efficient harem.”
Bakugou was already listing requirements.
“Party-limit mod too. If they’re judging companions, everybody should be present for reactions and banter.”
“Difficulty increase to compensate for the larger party,” Mineta added.
“Inventory management.”
“Native camera tweaks.”
“No skipping dialogue.”
“Major choices by vote.”
“No save-scumming because somebody dislikes a consequence.”
“What about romance rolls?”
“No.”
“Misclicks?”
“Fine.”
“Bugs?”
“Fine.”
“Failed roll that devastates the emotional trajectory of the campaign?”
“Live with it.”
Mineta sighed.
“Your wizard heart is cold.”
“My wizard learned Divination on the second run. I know exactly how badly dice can fuck you.”
The fighting game disappeared from the television. Mineta retrieved his laptop while Sero and Kaminari moved the coffee table. Mina was already discussing tiefling colors with Hagakure. Midoriya began asking questions about class balance. Yaoyorozu started writing down the rules.
Bakugou stood beside Mineta during the installation, openly supervising the mod selection and explaining features whenever someone asked.
He wasn’t merely tolerating the idea.
He was enjoying himself.
For once, he possessed something he loved that nobody else in the class knew—and instead of guarding it, he was preparing to show them all of it.
The title screen appeared.
The same flaming skull printed across Bakugou’s shirt filled the common-room television.
Mineta picked up the controller.
“When Lae’zel wins, I expect written apologies.”
Bakugou folded his arms, smiling faintly.
“When Karlach wins, none of you get to pretend you weren’t warned.”
Mina pointed toward the screen.
“First, we’re making a tiefling.”
“We’re voting,” Iida objected.
“We can vote on which tiefling.”
“That is not what voting means!”
Mineta selected **New Game**.