Work Text:
Kris was getting greedy.
At the start, it had been so easy to deny how they craved Susie. Craved her time, her laugh in their ear. Back then, they could just blame it all on their situation. They had to spend all this time with Susie, they had to be close to her-- because of the plan. The prophecy forced them into the same party, they couldn't physically distance themself from her, even if they wanted to.
That excuse offered no protection against the weight of her shoulder, warm and slouched against theirs as they ate shitty popcorn and watched pirated movies in the dark.
Beneath Kris’s head, Susie’s arm shifted as she laughed, scales scratching rough against their temple. The laptop on their knees was suddenly boiling hot, the hum of its internal fan vibrating straight through their thighs. Kris ignored the terrible special effects taking place on screen in favour of looking at her. They watched how the mottled scales in the middle of her face moved as she wrinkled her nose. Took notice of her uneven brows dipping and pulling together as she complained about something. Became too distracted by her pretty brown eyes and how they were shadowed by sparse, feathery lashes to hear what she was saying. Susie chuffed, and the sudden jerk of her collarbone twitched the fabric of Kris's own shirt.
They shoved into the greasy bowl on her lap, fingers tracing the sharp, un-popped kernels at the bottom. The sensation of pressure in their ears from each crunch of stale salt made them feel like they were underwater. Susie knocked her head into Kris', talking still, no doubt trying to get a reaction from them.
Kris had known her less than a year, really, only been friends with her for much, much less time and yet she had thrown herself headfirst into this relationship with a terrifying momentum. It was bizarre. Exhilarating. Addictive. Susie had fast become one of the most affectionate people Kris had ever met. A little over a week ago, Susie was threatening to rip their face right off their skull, and now she was tucked into Kris' bed; tucked into every corner of their life. It all felt so simple with her. Despite this being her first friendship, she relaxed into their presence and fished for their touch like it was as easy as breathing because… She trusted them.
Kris felt their own face scrunch up in disgust.
How repulsive. A girl so raw and so kind was going to have her first ever taste of friendship tainted when she found out just how deeply Kris was betraying her.
If they let their mind slip for even a fraction of a second, the ceiling of whatever room they were in seemed to drop. The phantom weight of it pressed agonizingly against their chest, a suffocating mess of invisible debris that yearned to flatten them to the mattress until they whimpered, until they shut the door and locked out the world. It was all getting out of hand, they were well aware. Too many moving pieces. Too many people smiling at them, completely blind to the deception. Every time they remembered the sheer scope of their… obligation, a familiar, sickening hollow opened up in their gut; the terrifying reminder of what it felt like to have the strings pulled, to watch their own hands move without their permission, a hostage in their own skin. Metaphorically and literally.
No, Susie absolutely should not trust Kris.
The freeze hit them predictably. It started as a numbing, icy fright clawing upward from their toes, turning their blood to slush as it climbed their shins, their thighs, locking their ribs into a stiff cage. Their lungs refused to expand. The room felt suffocatingly silent, the audio from the laptop screen muffled by waves of shame crashing at the shores of their brain. A bitter, acidic heat raced up their throat, souring the back of their tongue, snuffing out the last puffs of oxygen available--
“Dude, are you good? We didn’t burn the popcorn so bad you’re gonna spew, right? 'Cause I will push you away.” Susie's hand was on their knee, shaking them hard. The sudden heat of her palm burned straight through their jeans like an electric shock. The world trickled back in.
They blinked their thoughts away, the beginnings of a smile already tugging at their chapped lips despite themself. “No,” Kris reflexively flicked their tongue out to wet their lips, even knowing it’ll only make them feel dryer. “Was just thinking about how we haven’t done our assignment.”
Susie threw her head back to Kris' headboard, near-missing their empty shelves, groaning noisily. “Fuuuck, I forgot. We’re not doing that, are we? Like, swear you have zero intention to do it.”
Kris snickered, stuffing their still stiff hand roughly into the bowl again, shoveling blackened popcorn into their mouth even more aggressively. “Pinky swear. We’ll fail together.”
Susie shoved a pinky in their general direction, popcorn seasoning pressing into the crease of Kris' own pinky as they took it. Ironic. A yellow eye flicked open at them, just one, as if she was too tired to look at them properly after their huge day bumming around doing absolutely nothing. She grinned wolfishly. “That’ll be the first time you’ll fail, I bet. Huh, nerd?”
For some reason, Kris flushed at this. They slumped into her side heavier, if only to avert eye contact. They shrugged. “I don’t care about grades.” The words tasted cheap and performative the second they left their mouth. They were practically begging for her validation, desperate to match her staunch, effortless cool-factor. To impress her with… not caring about school? They cringed at themself. Were they 12?
Kris would, stupidly do just about anything to keep themselves at her altitude. They could be totally nonchalant. Totally unflinching. Down for anything. Pshh, Kris didn’t care about grades or school. Of course, Kris will stay out later than the curfew their mother set so we can go into the woods and hit each other with sticks. Sure, Kris will smoke some of that cigarette you found on the ground by the lake, Susie. They’re game if you are.
The thick arm that Kris was resting against pulled up and over their head, jostling them until they fell into her chest. She slung the arm casually over their back, drawing them in closer.
Affectionate…
“No, for sure,” she said, mock contemplative, stroking her chin. “You just get good grades without even trying because you’re a super genius.”
Kris burned even hotter.
“Whatever. We still don’t have to do it. You can just, like, growl at Alphys and she’ll pass us.”
“Growl?” Susie snorted. “I don’t growl, I snarl. Growling is for dogs. Should be right up YOUR alley.” Probably just to further her joke, she reached up. Her blunt, heavy fingers found the sensitive skin right behind Kris’ ear, digging in with a firm, rhythmic scratch before petting down over the thick tangle of their hair. They leaned into her palm before they could stop themselves, heart hammering against their ribs as they desperately tried to stay chill.
“I’m pretty sure those are synonyms,” Kris muttered, breathless.
“NERD!”
Maybe they should lean into all that, Kris mused, boast about their perceived intelligence instead. They could find out what the assignment is after all and finish it all for her; surprise her with it being done. Would Susie find that cooler? Would she look at them with that same wide, impressed grin she used when Noelle--
They forcibly focused hard at the blue light of the laptop screen, physically fighting to tether themself. New topic, they thought desperately. Distraction, distraction. "You gonna' stay for dinner?"
Susie's eyebrows shot up and she turned her head to look at them properly. She masked her surprise with her usual indifference and shrugged. Kris tried not to pay attention to the sensation of flesh and muscles moving beneath them. "I guess. Not like I have stuff to do."
Kris hummed in response, satisfied with the idea of Susie with a belly full of a warm, proper dinner. It was big of her to accept, they thought. After the other night, seeing their mother so drunk, Kris was almost certain Susie would avoid being in the house with Toriel altogether. They couldn't blame her. Perhaps, she was just hungry enough to ignore it tonight.
They shifted their position, drawing their legs up under them and slinking an arm across her stomach to link fingers with the hand not on their shoulder. She didn't stun, just squeezed their fingers in return.
"Then, you'll sleepover?"
It was impossible to miss how rigid Susie went. That was odd. She'd stayed over before, what was the deal tonight? For a moment, they thought they had revealed too much of their desperation for her closeness. When Kris looked up at her, she wasn't facing them anymore, gaze trained on their joined hands. A wide, clawed thumb stroked over the back of their hand absentmindedly. Kris heard her swallow and caught the tail-end of her throat bobbing as they flicked their eyes back up to her face.
She nodded once.
There was a pause… Kris stayed just as still as her, not wanting to disrupt a train of thought. Susie's mouth twitched, a micro-movement Kris had come to associate with Susie debating whether or not she should say something. Susie wanted so badly to share everything with Kris, they could tell. It was like now that her tough-girl persona had cracked, it was physically strenuous for her to keep things in. She wanted to be open, she wanted to…tell her whole deal. Her mind and her heart were laid bare for them to pick at. Kris lay in wait like a vulture for moments just like this. In the quiet of their bedroom, nothing existed outside the two of them. She'd give them anything and Kris would tear into it, ravenous. Susie turned her head away entirely. There you go, Kris thought, do what you need to.
"You know," she began, voice clinging to her throat like syrup, "I've never really… been around someone who…wanted more of me, all the time. Don't you get sick me?" The end of her sentence failed to sound like as much of a joke as Kris thought she wanted it to. They shook their head fiercely. "No, never."
"If you say so." Susie swallowed thickly, unconvinced. "I know I have like, other friends now, too. But, this is still different, right? We're different?"
The air escaped Kris's lungs in a sharp gasp they tried to stifle. Their eyes widened as much as possible, not wanting to miss out on even a milimetre of her. Susie turned her head back, her gaze lingering just below their brow. Kris nodded so hard and fast it strained their neck. "Right," they stuttered out. Kris agreed. Profusely. Being friends with Susie felt nothing like… Like being friends with Catti, or Berdly, or… Sure, it probably didn't help that they were definitely in love with Susie but, sometimes, the connection between them felt so palpable, so endlessly good and right that they couldn't help but wonder if maybe… She…
It felt like they were standing right on the edge of a cliff, if they just let the wind sweep them off the precipice they'd fall into where they were always meant to end up. Susie's gaze snapped to theirs finally, and everything clicked into place.
"I'm just—I'm really lucky to have you."
Before Kris could even think, they surged forward. Dry human lips met the seam of a scaly monster mouth. Their heart pulsed so hard in their chest they could feel it shaking their throat.
One beat, two, and oh my angel, she's not moving.
They wrenched themselves away from her, searing hot guilt sloshing through their head and trickling down their spine. Why would they do that? They didn't even deserve her friendship and now they had ruined it looking for more. Selfish, selfish, selfish. Susie-- Susie had a girlfriend. Susie didn't want this. What was wrong with them?
"I-I'm so s- Oh my, Susie 'm so— I don't know why I did that, I don't, sorry! Sorry, sorry, I'm—"
Frantically they backed away from her, tearing their hand out of hers, knocking the popcorn down onto the floor, they only just were able to stop themself from tumbling down alongside it. They panted, hyperventilating, maybe they really would throw up after all.
They couldn't, wouldn't look at her.
In their periphery, they saw Susie shaking out of her stupor and shuffling towards them already. "Hey, dude, it's okay." Her hands were up in a placating gesture, gently moving closer to their trembling shoulders. "I'm serious, you don't have to freak out. It's just me, we're okay. We— look,"
And then, two big hands encompassed the sides of Kris' head. And then, they were being tugged forward. And then-- Susie was kissing them. Their laptop clattered to the floor.
It was awkward, the angle. Unpracticed. What shocked Kris the most was that she didn't immediately pull away like they had. She shifted around until she found a position that worked properly. Her lips were not malleable, more rigid and cold compared to their own, but the sheer, solid reality of her mouth chased away the phantom weight in Kris' chest. Kris clung to her shirt like it was the only thing keeping them alive. They whined into her, a pathetic, needy sound. Blunt human teeth clacking helplessly against her needle-sharp ones as they tried to swallow down the heat of her mouth. She tasted like artificial butter and something faintly metallic. When Susie finally moved away, she hovered right in their space. Kris felt like their eyes crossed as they hyper-focused on the shine of spit—their spit—left behind on Susie's lips, alongside a splotch of redness. Without it, they would've felt certain that they had just imagined that happening.
"S-See," Susie stammered. She cleared her throat, a harsh, jagged sound, and took an obvious, deep breath to school herself. "I did it too, so we're even. We're still cool, nothing changed."
Susie gently patted Kris' cheeks, heavy hands still holding them in place. Kris felt like their bones just might liquefy and drool straight onto the mattress. "Right, Kris?"
Kris panted, staring dumbly at her wet mouth. "Mhmm,"
Nothing changed?
They could tell she wanted them to look at her, but they weren't sure they had the strength. How were they ever supposed to look at her face again after feeling the weight of her mouth? After knowing exactly how she kissed? They bit the inside of their own cheek, taste buds registering a sudden iron tang. A taste, they realized, Susie must also be experiencing. Her tongue flicked out, subconsciously. An anxious gesture, they were sure. But holy shit, Susie had Kris' blood in her mouth.
Shut up, shut up, shut up.
She was doing her best impression of regular, not-just-been-kissed-by-Kris-Dreemurr- Susie, but her brows were knitted tight in… Concern?
Kris watched as she moved one of her hands to brush a knuckle over Kris' bottom lip, the source of the blood on her lip now coating the back of her finger as well. She wiped her hand on her jeans, daubing it over her thigh. Nothing changed, she said, but Kris' lip would scab and Susie's jeans would stain as counter-evidence.
Susie’s eyes darted frantically across their face, scanning for damage. Whatever she found must have satisfied her; shoulders dropped with a ragged exhale. Her remaining palm slid from their cheek, leaving a freezing trail of goosebumps down the sides of their neck and over their collarbone. She was shaking. A fine, electric tremor vibrating straight through her jacket but she tugged them back into her chest. Another clumsy attempt to reset the whole situation, to force it all back to normal. Kris would love to go back to normal. Instead the words spilled past their teeth.
"Are… Are you going to tell Noelle?"
A ridiculous question, muffled directly into the warmth of her collarbone. Of course Susie would tell Noelle. She wasn't a liar.
Her heartbeat, loud and erratic against their ear, skipped a heavy beat.
Susie winced, her gaze wrenching toward the dark ceiling to avoid them. “It was just a mistake,” she mumbled, her voice tightening like she was swallowing glass. “It’s not like we’re gonna do it again.”
She made a weird face then, like she had caught herself in a lie. In a way, she had. They already did it again. Before Kris could even begin to bleed from the word mistake, the guilt retaliated, crushing their airways. They were already doing enough awful shit, and now they had infected Susie, too. Sweet, defensive Susie, who was currently mangling her own conscience just to absorb the blame to make them feel better.
"My fault," They assured her. Promised her.
Susie snapped her head down so violently Kris heard a joint crack. “You didn't do anything I didn't do,” she hissed, her fingers digging harshly into the meat of their shoulder. “We're even. Noelle won't… she won't be mad when I tell her, you don't think? It'll be okay."
When, not if.
Truthfully, Kris wasn't sure how Noelle would react to anything anymore. No matter how well they knew her before, the two of them were in such an odd place now it seemed like anything was possible. Some days, Noelle would treat them as she did anyone, that same old perfunctory cheer. Other days though, Kris could feel the weight of everything between them crushing down on their windpipe before Noelle could even open her mouth. If one thing was certain though… "She won't be mad at you."
There was no way, Kris thought. She'd surely know Kris was to blame for this as well.
The answer didn't ease the tremor in Susie's frame. Her chest rose and fell in another long, shaky breath before she finally nodded against their hair. "I'll uh, I'll talk to her."
Kris grimaced.
A tinny squeal sounded from Kris' forgotten laptop, face down in a pile of popcorn on the floor, alerting them to its presence. The two of them froze like they had been caught. The spell was broken. Susie stalled for one heavy second, her hand lingering on Kris's shoulder as if she were weighing the options of figuring out why Kris had kissed her at all or pretending it didn't matter at all. Then, she let go, shifted away by just a hair. The loss of her weight left Kris freezing. She reached over them to the floor, her blunt fingers dragging the laptop close once more. That mask of indifference slamming back into place with practiced ease over her taut expression.
"What's your mom making for dinner?" she croaked.