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They had been going at it for an hour now. The others didn’t bother to stay to listen, because Cassie ushered them out. There was no point. The two of them were too hard headed to reason with one another, and they were long overdue to duking it out with each other anyways.
It all started when they got the distress signal.
The city finally trusted their team to do some good.
But for some reason, their faithful leader decided this would be a fight they would leave to the League.
None of them really understood what the big deal was, because they’ve handled loads of dangerous criminals, aliens, mutants, monsters, and villains of all kinds.
So how is a Meta who calls himself Superboy-Prime any different? Especially if they have their very own Superboy?
“I don’t get it! Why won’t you trust me?”
“Kon-El, you need to understand the circumstances that you would be-“
“Bullshit! You’re just trying to ‘logic’ your way out of this. You don’t trust me. Just admit it.”
“If I didn’t trust you, do you really believe I would let you onto my team?”
“Oh fucking save it. We all know you don’t trust anyone here. And I betcha you only let me on this team just so you can keep watch of the ‘experiment’. The ‘weapon’. The heartless clone-“
Before he could finish his sentence, Red snapped his eyes to him. There was a burning in his stare that was roaring with danger, and a glint of something he couldn’t quite place.
Red seethed between his teeth, warning him like a parent reprimands a child, “Don’t say that.”
“What?” Kon-El challenged, crossing his arms and looking away.
Off to the side, he could hear him mutter angrily, “you’re not some heartless clone.”
“Then why don’t you trust me to go take care of this creep? We all know I’m the only one out of us who can!” Kon-El snapped back, flying right into his face getting so close he could feel the hot breath from Red’s mouth.
“Because I said so.”
“Try again.”
Dark and intense eyes stared straight into clear and light before blinking away as he turned his head to walk away, “there is nothing left to discuss.”
“What? Just ‘cause you say so?” Kon-El followed right behind him, not too far behind, but before Red actually made it to the door, he grabbed him by his shoulders and spun him around to face him.
“I have nothing left to say to you.” Red spat at him, slapping his hands away, which only miffed Kon-El off even more. That was the last straw.
“Whatever, I’m done with all of this.” He snorted, shoving the shorter boy to the side harshly as he grabbed for the knob.
“Are you leaving us?”
“Yeah, what’s the point in stayin’ when the ‘leader’ of this kiddie club only sees me as the experiment?” Kon-El sneered, glaring back at him ready to leave. But as he started to fly off, Red grabbed at his arm. He almost slapped his hand away, but maybe the jerk was ready to admit he was wrong.
“Would you just…“ Red started, his voice dipping into something else. Something softer. Something different. But it was gone in an instant. When he stopped, he snapped back into that anger and let him go, stomping away towards the window in the room, refusing to meet eyes with Kon-El,” Fine. Fine.”
“See ya never then!” He yelled back, as he flew down the hallway away from the jerk. But honestly, he was not finished with this discussion. Not really. He felt tired, he felt drained, he felt chewed up and thrown out, but he wasn’t done with this. Not until he got a real answer. Why couldn’t Red Robin just give him that?
“Actually, Red! I’m not done, I-“ But when he stormed back into the room, he didn’t expect to find the door locked. He didn’t expect to find himself so pissed off he was willing to yell and slam his fists into the steel, metal door. He didn’t expect to find the door to be apparently, fucking Kryptonian proof. He didn’t expect himself to carry it out so far he flew all around the ship to the window of the room ready to smash through.
He didn’t expect to find all his rage disappearing like smoke in the air. He didn’t expect to find Red curled up in a fetal position on the cushioned seating. He didn’t expect to see dark and intense melt into a hollow, bottomless, blue. He didn’t expect to ever see a guy like Red break down like this.
And he felt like a real asshole.
He didn’t understand.
“Red?” he asked, tapping at the window. When Red looked up at him with tired, red, eyes he felt a tightness in his chest. He felt really bad.
“Shouldn’t you be out of here by now?” The boy commented, trying to conceal his face behind his arm, releasing the latch of the window letting him in.
“Man…I didn’t wanna make you cry or nothing…” Kon-El apologized, following Red back to the recliner he’d buried himself into, he floated over him, with both hands resting on either side of his body – curled, and looking so… “I’m sorry, man.” …small.
“I…shit.” Red started, before hiding his face again, ashamed. But Kon-El wasn’t having it. So he sat down on one of the armrests and hunched over him, placing a comforting hand on his back like he’d seen Cassie do so often.
“I mean, dudes can totally cry too. Kiran said so when Miguel was watchin’ this chick flick.” But when Red said nothing, Kon-El shook his head at himself and sighed dejectedly, “hey, I ain’t judging you or anything; you can…just…here…” he reassured, moving Red’s face to look at his, lifting his upper body. When he saw the look on his face, he wasn’t really sure what he was supposed to feel about it, “I don’t want to make you upset, like this…I’m sorry.”
He didn’t understand.
He didn’t get why their fearless, always logical, always on his toes leader was breaking down…over this. He sounded like a jerk for wondering what the big deal was, but…what was the big deal? Why did this bother Red so much? “I can’t…I just can’t…I can’t…I can’t. I just can’tIcan’tIcan’t…” But it didn’t matter; it didn’t matter as long as he was there for him, right?
“Hey, hey, slow down, breathe. Can’t what?” Kon-El cooed, holding the boy close to him now patting his back, just like Cassie would.
For a moment, he contemplated going to get her when Red whispered quietly in a broken voice…“can’t lose.”
“What? Did you think I’d lose to him? Is that whatcha worryin’ about? Us losing one fight?” Kon-El asked, scrunching his brow.
“Never.”
“Dude, it’s not the end of the world if don’t win every battle, y’know? Don’t be such a perfectionist. I know there’s some sayin–“
“I can’t lose you.” Kon-El’s mind reeled, not knowing how to respond to that.
He didn’t understand.
He was beginning to think that maybe Red was just feeling a little emotional from all their arguing…
But he couldn’t think that. Not when there was weight in his own chest pulling him down.
A feeling he didn’t understand.
Not because he’s never felt it before.
But because, it was a heavy guilt.
Somehow, he knew this was all on him, just…somehow.
“Um…you won’t?” Is all he could think to say, confused himself, “I want to be a hero, and everything.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Hey, I promise you won’t.” What he didn’t understand, most of all, is why that made Red flip out when he said that. Why he pushed away from his arms and looked as though…
“Would you just–!?” …as though…“You don’t know that, okay? You just don’t. So please forgive me if I can’t stand to send you out there!”…as though, someone ripped his heart in two.
“What is your problem?”
“I won’t watch you fight him. Forget it. Just go.” Red commanded his tone flat and exhausted. But instead of leaving, Kon-El stood his ground.
He wouldn’t leave him alone.
He couldn’t leave him alone.
He should never be alone.
“No. I don’t always have to listen to you.”
“Just go, Kon-El.”
“No. Tell me what your problem is, I mean it.” Kon-El grabbed at his hands, and he couldn't stop himself from listening...from hearing...
That hammaring in Red's chest.
And it made his own heart pound.
“I won’t watch him fight you, okay?”
“What? You already think I’d lose?”
“No. You would win,” it was what Red said next that he didn’t get,”but you would die.” Kon-El didn’t really know what he should say anymore…he really didn’t understand. He wanted to, he really did. But he knew, he wouldn’t. Kon-El would never be able to know how he felt.
You don’t know what that was like.
“And I can’t watch that happen.” So instead he'd just hold him close, because it seemed like the right thing to do. The only thing he could do. To make up for it.
My girlfriend died.
“You won’t have to.” To make up for what?
My dad died.
“You can’t make that promise.” ...This fight?
“I’m Superboy. I’m pretty much invincible.”
My best friend died.
“No, you weren’t.” For whatever it was...
And I couldn’t accept it.
...whatever it was Kon did, to break his heart.