Chapter Text
Zdraveite, everyone. My name is Dimitar Nikolov, also known as the Republic of Bulgaria. I, of course, am the personification of this country. Now, I’m rather... poor. Probably one of the poorest in the EU, along with some others, like Miss Irunya and little Aurel. But hey, at least I have Vladimir with me! We’re the same, I’m sure!
...
Or maybe not. He’s actually a little richer than me. Ah, fun... well, we’re ranked together, at least! But I’ll talk more about him sometime later.
A while back, I started to feel rather upset. Now, why would I feel upset? After all, I’m a country. I have yogurt, I have good friends! And yogurt. And money! No, that’s a lie. I don’t have money. Because number one, I’m Bulgaria, and number two... uh. I probably spend a bit too much when I go drinking with Vladimir... and when I buy yogurt.
Ok, maybe that’s my fault... but I can’t help that much with my country’s economy! Right..?
Ahhh! Who can blame me for buying too much yogurt?! It’s yogurt! The creamiest, most delicious thing to have ever existed! I’ve memorised the whole Wikipedia page for it and all! Yogurt is a blessing on earth, alright? Don’t listen to whatever Vladimir or whoever says yogurt is love, yogurt is life. I’d marry it! I always dream of doing the most... ok no.
Uhm. I’m a bit obsessed. If that wasn’t clear.
Ahem! Moving aside from my... sensual fantasies of fermented milk... I said I was irritated because I was just so broke. But, I heard something, as I dejectedly walked to the market to see what groceries I could buy on a budget.
“Hey, you went to India recently, didn’t you?”
“Yeah, I did. It’s so beautiful there! Well, the places I went to, at least.”
“I saw the photos on your WhatsApp Status! Ahh, it’s stunning! Wouldn’t it be lovely if India was in Europe, or something, where we could freely travel there without going too far?”
Ah! A stroke of genius! I knew what I was going to do!
...no, I’m not about to magically bring an entire country to Europe.
How would I ever achieve that?! I’d just... invade India! Smart, right? And then I’d get money! Somehow. I promise. I’ll get money somehow.
As I’m not going to use these weird new inventions to send a virtual letter to my boss, I ran there. Only some of my people recognise me, after all. So all I look like is a madman or a thief. Great!
Once I reached my boss, I was panting quite a bit. Probably because my genius forgot that he was across the city. And he wasn’t even in office yet. Now, I’d tell you all the boring talk we went through. But in fear of causing a riot somewhere or offending a whole lot of people due to how my boss is portrayed, I’m not. Damn, author, learn to research more!
But let’s put this to a brief. He agreed. Yes!! Guess who was set to lead the entire operation? Thats right, me! And... guess how many people are in this operation?
...
That’s right, one. Me.
Should be fine. Should be a-okay... I hope.
Well, let’s get this adventure started! And now, I will return to eating yogurt. Dovizhdane, everyone.