Chapter Text
Spencer Reid had been clean for two years when Morgan found the needles laying neatly in the kids go bag. He quickly gathered the rest of the team, minus Hotch and Reid, into Penelope's tech office, telling them of his findings.
“They were just laying there, they must have fallen out of one of the pockets, he's too smart to just leave that stuff out in the open.” he told them, pacing the length of the small office.
“But he's been clean for so long, why would he relapse now?” Emily inquired, the question had been on everyone's mind.
“Maybe something's up with his mother.. You know how he is when it comes to her.” JJ replied with her arms crossed, one of her hands reaching up to fidget with her necklace.
Penelope's fingers flew across her main keyboard, reading the screen before turning her chair around, “her medical records don't show anything that could trigger something this big for him, shes actually been doing pretty well.”
“He’s been running off to the bathroom a lot more, though. The only thing that could explain that is drug use.” Emily voiced.
“He’s also been looking a lot paler recently, he almost threw up at our last crime scene as well.” JJ added.
“Hotch needs to know. I wasn't here when this issue started, but it needs to be handled properly this time.” Rossi said, finally speaking up. He didn't fully feel like he had a place in this conversation, the issue predating his return, but he knew this was necessary.
Everyone nodded in agreement, "I'll tell him. I was the one that found them and I arguably know Reid the best for this situation.”
So, around mid afternoon, he went up to Hotch’s office and voiced his concerns.
“Reids go bag was open when I came in this morning,” not even bothering to sit down. “When I went to zip it back up I saw needles. I'm worried he’s relapsed, Hotch. The others have noticed too, he’s been looking sick, there's no other possibility.” Morgan told him
Hotch stared at him, his stone cold expression not changing. “I’ll address this with him, Morgan. Thanks for coming to me.”
Reid had noticed the team being cautious around him, making light conversation in gentle tones and refilling his coffee, that was quite odd. There was none of the usual teasing and banter that came with a slow day in the office. He didn't really understand why, nothing had happened recently for them to assume he was in distress. He didn't comment on it, the others were probably just having an off day.
It wasn't until he was in the car with Aaron that the real reason became known.
“I think you should come out to the team.” Aaron had told him quietly, about five minutes into the drive.
“I'm pretty sure they all know im gay, Aaron. I don't talk about it, but it certainly isn't a secret.” Spencer replied back with a confused tone.
They had been dating for three years now, Jack had even started calling him papa on occasion, it was something Spencer treasured, it said more about their relationship than anything. They hadn't told the team yet, but it's not like they were hiding it from them, the two just kept to themselves about personal information.
“No, Spence, I meant I think it's time you told them you're trans. I know it's personal, but Morgan found the needles for your testosterone and came to me thinking you're using again.” Aaron explained carefully. “I didn't tell him anything, just that I'd address it with you.”
Spencer groaned from the passenger seat, his head slumping against the headrest. "He's too nosy for his own good, you know I'd never bring that stuff around Jack, not after last time.”
Spencer would've had six years of sobriety under his belt if it wasn't for Doyle. He and Hotch had only been together for a year when it all went down so they hadn't started living together yet. Emily’s “death” had pushed him to relapse, he had rules in place, never outside of his apartment and never around Jack… but you know what they say about drugs and the rules the user makes surrounding them. Aaron ended up finding him high out of his mind in the bathroom hours after he should’ve been asleep, Jack was snug in his bed right down the hallway too. There was a lot of arguing and a big conversation to be had after he came down. It took a lot of work but he ultimately got clean again and the two had rebuilt their relationship stronger than it had been before.
Aaron took a quick glance at him, with a fond look reserved only for him. “I have never doubted your sobriety, spence, I know you wouldn't do that to me or our son.”
Spencer smiled softly, he loved that Aaron considered Jack their son. “I’ll think about it… I really don't want them to think differently of me.”
“You know they aren't like that, They've never treated any trans person differently than cis ones on cases.”
“But that's different, Aaron. I've shared rooms with them, we’re all practically family. Transgender people existing in their vicinity isn't the same as me being transgender. They're not supposed to show their biases on cases, we have no clue they're all actually supportive of trans people or not.” Spencer reasoned, despite the fact he had nothing to support his claims.
“Name one time any one of them has said something bigoted about trans people.” Aaron challenged, knowing he wouldn't come up with anything no matter how far back he looked.
“You know I can't, but that doesn't change the fact we don't know for certain any of them will be accepting of me.”
“Just think about it, that's all I ask” he told Spencer as they pulled into their driveway. Before he got out of the car he remembered something else Morgan had mentioned. “Have you been feeling okay? Morgan told me you seemed sick, I've noticed it as well. If you're coming down with something I need to know.”
“I’m fine Aaron, I probably just need to cut back on the dairy.” he assured him as he stepped out of the car.
The rest of the night went by uneventfully, they cooked dinner for Jack and got the rare opportunity to eat as a family. Spencer read Jack a bedtime story despite the boy claiming he was seven and too old for them.
Aaron and Spencer laid down in their bed, Aaron cuddling up behind the younger man and placing a loving hand over his abdomen, the usually comforting feeling leaving Spencer with an uneasy feeling in his chest. He laid there awake long after Aaron's breathing evened out.
By midnight Spencer realized that this weird feeling he was having wasn't going to dissipate without answers. He begrudgingly wormed his way out of Aaron's arm and grabbed his phone, opening the rarely used DoorDash app.
He knew this was statistically unlikely, the testosterone and birth control stopped his period almost completely. Yet, the evidence was piled up against his favored statistics.
He grabbed the CVS bag straight from the drivers hands, he had waited outside to intercept the delivery so the doorbell didn't wake Aaron or Jack.
The two minutes it took for the test to process felt like forever. He and Aaron had never talked about children, Jack was their whole world and that always felt like enough. Aaron was going to be 50 in a few years, who knew if he wanted to start again like that, maybe Aaron didnt want a baby with him.
When his internal timer went off he flipped the test over, the moment he processed what he was seeing it felt like he was going to expel all of his dinner onto the two lines. Thankfully, he made it to the toilet in time to throw his guts up.
The sound that followed was a soft knock on the bathroom door. Aaron hadn't waited for an answer before entering, “Spencer, are you okay?”
Spencer removed himself from his spot near the toilet and rested his head on the wall. He wordlessly handed the test over to his boyfriend.
Aaron looked at it, looked at Spencer, then looked back at the test. “Are you sure?” he questioned.
“While it’d be more accurate if I took it in the morning due to hCG concentration, there's still only a very small percentage that it's a false positive. With the symptoms I've been experiencing the past few weeks, it's almost certainly correct.”
“Are- do you want to keep it? It's your decision entirely, you know you'll have to go off testosterone.”
“It would be high risk, Aaron. Not only have I been on HRT for over a decade, but with your age it increases the statistcal risk of gestational diabetes and preeclampsia.”
“I didn't know that my age could affect chances of preeclampsia.” Aaron said quietly.
“Paternal age correlates with placental vascular development.” Spencer explained softly, “It's a small chance, overall severity depends on the study you read and the age of the father.”
“You still haven't answered my other question, I know it's soon… But do you want to keep it?” Aaron pushed, crouching down and taking one of the other man's hands.
“I didn't know if you'd want another child, we already have Jack… that's always felt like enough.” He replied quietly
“Spencer, I'd love to have a baby with you.. I never brought it up because I know it can cause dysphoria.”
“I want to keep it.” Spencer admitted quietly.
Aaron smiled at him, once again with that fond look in his eyes. “Okay, we’ll make an appointment in the morning… you do know this means you'll have to tell the team now? They're profilers, I don't think they'll miss something as big as this.”
“I know, Aaron. We’ll tell them tomorrow, I promise.” He assured him softly.
“Its all in your hands, Spence. Let's get you back to bed"
He led Spencer back to the master bedroom, once again placing a gentle hand on his abdomen as they settled under the covers, rubbing his skin in small circles.
Spencer fell asleep with his brain more silent than it had been in ages.