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The chime of the front doorbell rang throughout the house, soon followed by the door being swung open dramatically from the inside.
"Hello there, come in, come in!" Monty said, greeting you with an excited smile. He'd been anticipating your arrival all morning, pacing around the house eagerly as he waited for you to come so that he could present his reptile collection to you.
"Would you like something to eat or drink?" He asked, cocking his head to the side. "Some tea? Okay- we have a lot of different flavours right now, so you should come and choose."
A clearly bouncy attitude about him, he led you into the kitchen and presented you with a silver box. “We have English Breakfast tea, Earl Grey tea, Rooibos tea and a variety of herbal teas. Take your pick!"
He took your selection out of the box and placed it on the polished countertop. "That's a good choice. My favourite is the peppermint tea." With a flourish, he opened the top cupboard, revealing an extensive collection of mugs, all stacked neatly in orderly rows and columns. "What mug would you like? Oh, yes, that one is from a small china shop that I went to a few years ago whilst on holiday in Spain. I agree- it is very nice indeed."
After setting your drink down to brew, he opened the fridge and left a carton of milk out, along with a teaspoon and a jar of sugar. "Would you like anything to eat?" He asked, politely. "There's plenty of food in the house, so don't worry about taking anything."
At your request, he handed you a snack, taking something out of the fridge for himself too. "Alright, would you like to see the Reptile Room now? Yes- okay- follow me then!"
He grinned widely, hurrying out of the kitchen, and led you back through his rather stylish foyer. You walked with him down a long, dimly lit corridor lined with bookshelves and stopped in front of a thick, iron door at the end. Monty looked at you with wide eyes, pointing proudly at the complex security measures that looked better suited to a government research facility. "This here is my top of the line security system! You can't get in unless you have nineteen keys, three combinations, two fingerprints and one optical scan. That is, unless, you turn this doorknob. Why? Well, nobody would ever guess, you see, and I need an easy way in and out, given that I spend practically all of my time in here."
The heavy metal door creaked open as sunlight streamed through the gap, and a warm, almost tropical air hit your skin. Stepping triumphantly into the room, Monty encouraged you in, waving his hand wildly and beaming. "This is the Reptile Room! Come, come- I'll show you my collection!"
He darted down the stairs excitedly, dashing over to the left side of the enormous glass structure. "This is the lizard wing, where I keep my geckos, chameleon, skink and water dragon." From a branch on a little nearby tree, a small, green lizard crawled down and rested on Monty's arm, prompting him to show it to you.
"This is a winged lizard. His name is Stevie. Yes, he can indeed fly- though only on cue!" Monty jerked his wrist upwards, sending Stevie into the air as he chirped and spread his bright pink wings. You watched him fly down and around the tree, laughing in surprise as he landed right on top of your shoulder.
"Oh, he seems to like you! It's okay, he doesn't bite or anything- don't be alarmed!" Monty reassured you.
You followed him past the rest of the tanks, watching him bubble with enthusiasm as he paused once more to speak. "This here is my Crested Gecko, Dmitri. And here is my Blue-Tongued Skink, Galileo- yes- watch him as he opens his mouth! My Panther Chameleon, here, is named Ada- and this is Chien-Shiung, my Chinese Water Dragon."
Monty gently picked up the Chameleon out of her tank, resting her on his own shoulder, and smiled warmly back towards you. "There- we match now! Come, I'll show you the snakes next-" he announced, running over to the other side of the room.
“First: the Colubrids! Friedrich is my Western Hognose. He’s an arctic morph, and I’ve had him for over fifteen years now. This is my Chequered Garter Snake, Valentina, and this little one is a Smooth Green Snake called Nikola, after my favourite physicist- Nikola Tesla. Romulus here is a Gopher Snake, and this is Isaac, my reverse-stripe morph California Kingsnake. Leszek is a Mangrove Snake, he’s slightly venomous but not terribly so. I also have an African Egg-Eating Snake! His name is Louis.” Monty finished, taking in a breath.
“In terms of constrictor snakes, I have a Carpet Python, Albie, a Kenyan Sand Boa and a Rosy Boa- named Carl and Rosalind. My Androgynous Cobra- a species that I discovered myself- is named Alan! Finally we have Maria, my Cape Coral Cobra and Alexander, the Mamba Du Mal, the only highly venomous Elapids currently in my collection.”
Monty clapped his hands together, wiggling excitedly. His wide smile shifted slightly into a mischievous grin, and his eyes narrowed as he glanced towards the back of the room. “Now, I imagine you are probably wondering what on earth I’ve got under that enormous white sheet. Well- you’ll have to come and see for yourself...”
Still facing you, Monty walked slowly backwards and turned, giving a harsh pull to a long rope dangling from the ceiling.
“This is my most recent discovery- the crown jewel of the Montgomery Reptile Collection, if you will. I discovered him on a recent journey- and I brought him home- under cover of night and a very large hat. Because next month, I am going to present him to the Herpetological Society as my new discovery! The species? Ah- he is called- The Incredibly Deadly Viper!”
Waving his arms frantically, Monty introduced you to the huge, black snake curled up inside the enclosure. It had to have been twenty feet long, and was as thick as a sewer pipe with smooth, shiny scales as dark as night. The snake sat up slowly, its yellow eyes gleaming in your direction as it investigated your presence, flicking its tongue and letting out a low hiss.
“Now now, Inky- what did I tell you about startling our guests? Ah, there is no need to be alarmed! Inky is in fact, very friendly, and not at all venomous- he’s a completely harmless constrictor snake.” Monty told you, holding his hands up and chuckling slightly.
“Yes, yes, I know- it’s a misnomer! Well…you see, I intend to play a little joke on those stuffed shirts at the Herpetological Society. Payback, for years of ridicule. Hello, hello, Montgomery Montgomery. How do you do? How do you do? Montgomery Montgomery.” Wobbling his head in imitation, Monty mimicked his coworkers disapprovingly, frowning at the ground before staring back up at you with wide eyes.
“Well, at our next meeting, I'm going to introduce the Incredibly Deadly Viper, and then pretend it's escaped. And you know who'll be laughing then? Me!” He asserted, his face stark.
Smile returning once again, he began to step away towards the sitting area, indicating for you to follow him. You passed back through all of the habitats, ducked under the tree and stepped up next to a row of bookcases, filled with what must have been hundreds of books.
“Now, this is the most important part of the Reptile Room: my scientific library. The deepest secrets of the snake world can be found in these pages, and I have compiled my texts over decades of work and discovery.”
Monty turned to face you, a kind expression on his face. He gently picked the Chameleon up off his shoulder, holding her out to you as she flopped her long tongue out of her mouth.
“I know that, for many people, a few dangerous reptiles can make you skeptical of the entire order. But, if you give them a chance, and you get to know them well enough to tell the dangerous from the good…”
He gently passed you the Chameleon, nudging her as she crawled delicately onto your open palm.
“No harm will come to you in the Reptile Room.”