Chapter Text
The emergency meeting of the "First Years (Absolutely NO Setters Allowed)" group chat was called to order at exactly 12:15 PM in an empty classroom on the second floor.
Hinata stood at the front of the room, slamming both hands down on the teacher's podium. He looked incredibly serious.
Tsukishima was sitting at a desk in the front row, his chin resting heavily in his hand, already looking profoundly bored. Yamaguchi sat next to him, eating a piece of tamagoyaki from his bento, while Yachi stood nervously near the door, keeping watch for any approaching tall, scary, milk-drinking setters.
"Thank you all for coming on such short notice," Hinata announced, his voice hushed and dramatic.
"I was dragged here by force," Tsukishima deadpanned, adjusting his glasses. "If this is about you needing to copy my English homework again, the answer is no."
"This is bigger than English homework, Stingyshima," Hinata shot back. He took a deep, steadying breath, looking intently at his three classmates. "I have uncovered a massive secret. Kageyama Tobio has a crush."
Silence descended upon the classroom.
Yachi gasped softly, her hands flying to her cheeks. Yamaguchi choked slightly on his egg, coughing into his fist. Even Tsukishima blinked, his eyebrows raising a fraction of an inch in mild, genuine surprise.
"The King?" Tsukishima drawled, a slow, highly unpleasant smirk spreading across his face. "Has human emotions? Are you sure it isn't just a misdiagnosed fever?"
"I'm positive! I heard him tell Natsu!" Hinata insisted, stepping out from behind the podium. He started pacing the front of the room, waving his arms to emphasize his points. "He told my six-year-old sister before he told me! Can you believe that? His own partner! Anyway, I need your help to figure out who it is. We have to investigate."
"Why do we have to investigate?" Yamaguchi asked, recovering from his coughing fit and taking a sip of his water. "If he wants it to be a secret, shouldn't we just leave it alone?"
"Because he's acting weird!" Hinata groaned, pulling at his orange hair in frustration. "He's totally zoning out, and if he's distracted, our freak quick is going to suffer! This is for the good of the team! We need to find out who it is so we can... I don't know, wingman him! Or at least get it out of his system!"
Yachi pulled out her small club notebook, clicking her pen with a determined, albeit terrified, look on her face. If the freak quick was in danger, it was her duty as a manager to help. "Okay! Did he give Natsu any clues about who they are?"
"Yes! I memorized the whole profile," Hinata declared, holding up his fingers to count them off. "The suspect is: loud. They never sit still. They eat basically anything you put in front of them. And Kageyama think they very pretty."
Hinata crossed his arms, looking very proud of his elite detective work. "So? Who do we know that fits that description?"
The silence that followed was entirely different from the first one.
Yachi’s pen froze on her notebook. She looked at the list of clues. She looked at Hinata's bright orange hair. She looked back at the clues. Her face rapidly cycled through confusion, dawning realization, and finally, absolute, sheer panic. Oh my god.
Yamaguchi stared blankly at Hinata for a full three seconds. Then, very slowly, he brought both of his hands up to cover his mouth, his shoulders violently shaking as he tried desperately to suppress a laugh.
Tsukishima didn't suppress anything. He let out a sharp, genuine bark of laughter.
"What?" Hinata demanded, looking between the three of them defensively. "Why are you laughing?!"
"Nothing," Tsukishima snickered, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms. He looked at Hinata like he was a particularly entertaining animal at the zoo. "Loud. Hyperactive. Eats garbage. Truly, a baffling mystery, shrimp. The suspect could be anyone."
"Right?!" Hinata groaned, entirely missing the thick layer of sarcasm dripping from Tsukishima's words. "Yachi-san, what do you think? You observe everyone during practice! Have you noticed him looking at anyone specific?"
Yachi squeaked loudly. She frantically met Yamaguchi's eyes, silently begging for an intervention. Yamaguchi, bless him, took pity on her. He cleared his throat, forcing his face into a somewhat neutral expression.
"Well, Hinata," Yamaguchi started carefully. "If Kageyama wants it to be a secret... it might be kind of mean to out him. You know how private he is. Maybe we should just... let him figure it out on his own?"
"But he's terrible at figuring things out!" Hinata argued passionately. "What if the person he likes has no idea? What if they never find out?!"
They definitely have no idea, Tsukishima mouthed silently to Yamaguchi. Yamaguchi bit the inside of his cheek so hard it physically hurt.
"Look," Tsukishima interrupted, standing up from his desk. He walked over to Hinata, looking down at the oblivious middle blocker with a deeply amused, villainous smirk. "I will gladly join this 'investigation.' In fact, I am fully invested in watching you try to solve this."
"Really?!" Hinata gasped, his eyes shining with hope.
"Oh, absolutely," Tsukishima promised, his tone completely evil. "But we have a strict rule. We don't tell the King we know, and we do not interfere. We just... observe. Agreed?"
Yachi vigorously nodded, entirely relieved that she didn't have to be the one to break Kageyama's trust or risk hurting his feelings. Yamaguchi nodded too, though he shot Hinata a deeply sympathetic look.
"Agreed!" Hinata cheered, completely unaware that he was the only person in the room who hadn't instantly solved the case. "Operation: Uncover the King's Secret Crush is a go!"