Chapter Text
The Lan clan held a heavy air throughout Cloud Recess. Even as he made his way to his brother’s quarters, he could just feel the terror and anxiety hanging over the clan like a heavy curtain.
He didn’t know how to feel himself, just that his brother needed to hear the news from him. His uncle had refused to even broach the subject gently and ever since his brother had taken to going into seclusion Lan Xichen had made it perfectly clear who was and was not allowed to see his brother like this.
Their uncle was not one of those people, though he wished his uncle had tried to push him on his decision. The matter being as it was it almost felt as if his uncle had stopped caring whether one of the men he had raised would live or die. No one ever dared broach the subject of Lan Zhan since their uncle had gone on a rant of what a disgrace his perfect nephew had been to the values of the clan.
Because that was all that mattered.
Not how broken his brother had been knowing that his own clan was going off to war to murder the man he had fallen so deeply for that someone so steadfast about following the rules would turn his back on all of them to protect a man his entire world despised. Nor how his brother had become so weak and frail so quickly.
Sometimes he thought that if both his uncle’s nephews were gone that their uncle would not even notice. Like how he barely even seemed to care his own brother had died even weeks after the fact.
But he didn’t dare think about that right now as he entered his brother’s room. Knocking on the frame to alert his younger brother that he had come in. He highly doubted that his brother would have even noticed if he didn’t, but he still wanted to offer the courtesy.
He found his brother still on his stomach in bed. The sheets had been pulled down to his brother’s waist as he had come to accept was simply how his younger brother preferred since his healing injuries. He just assumed that it was less aggravating to his wounds. He kneeled down by his brother’s bedside in the opposite direction his younger brother’s head was facing.
“Wangji…” he called but got no response. It wasn’t remotely surprising, of course. “Wangji, we received news about the siege.”
He noticed his brother’s shoulders tense and that even in the darkening light that there was a hint of red seeping through the bandages. He would have to retrieve fresh ones and change them before he left his brother for the night.
“Wei-Gonzi is still alive.” He informed, as if his brother had even asked in the first place. “The siege failed.”
He saw on of his brother’s fists clenched. He simply sighed, “there will likely be another attempt. Do not hold out hope.”
Because it didn’t matter how he felt on the matter, how much he longed to simply let this entire matter go or look far deeper into the matter. But no one would listen to him. His uncle would deem him incompetent and a traitor. If he was deposed, then there would be no one in power willing to protect his brother from whatever may come next. He couldn’t trust his uncle, he could love their uncle, but he had to protect his brother.
Even if that meant when his brother would never forgive him.
“Wangji?” He asked, fearful of getting an answer.
But he didn’t. So he took that as his hint to leave, with the promise of, “I’ll get you something to eat and we’re going to have to change your bandages.”
His brother didn’t say anything so he left. Gathering food and bandages took far longer than it usually would when he was distracted every step of the way from concerned disciples. The stories of the evil Yiling Patriarch and the disciples fear of what may come next hanged heavy on the minds of many.
It was exhausting having to force a smile, pretend that everything would be alright simply as if this damned war was justified. He had to stand strong, tell the ones too young or too unaware to notice any of the political wars swirling around their heads. It was truthfully better than they unaware anyway but that just meant he had to play the role of assuring leader. Tell them what he was told to tell others and try to get back on track.
Alas that role often meant it was more than just one person vying for his assurances. And that went from a short conversation with one person to two to three to who knew how many before he could finally return to his brother’s side.
It was unsurprising that his brother hadn’t moved an inch.
He set one tray of food down by the bed and a bucket of frigid water with a rag down by that. Lan Zhan wouldn’t ask but he felt inclined to share with his brother, “I’m sorry this took so long. I was delayed, thankfully I had some help bringing everything back.”
No response. He wasn’t offended, “they had offered to bring it in here but I know you wouldn’t want to be seen like this.”
No response, he wasn’t surprised. So, he just set about easing his brother to sit up again, he tried to be gentle but with wounds like Lan Zhan's there was no avoiding the pain. His brother didn’t whine or complain as Lan Xichen lifted him to sit up but it still was clear as day that the pain was horrible. Still at his insistence his younger brother threw an arm across his shoulders to support himself so Lan Xichen could undo the soiled bandages.
He tried to not let it show how his worry spiked when he was met with a still bloodied back. Coated with fresh blood and dried blood, he tried not think too hard about it. He assumed maybe the healer had yet to come in this morning. He didn’t know if there might be a reason why so he simply just focused on cleaning the mess.
But he couldn’t ignore how the swelling had seemed to rear back up again since last he checked in with his brother and the hint glint of yellow pus oozing from his wounds. He had not been told about that. It had been three days since he visited his brother and he swore it hadn’t been there before.
“Wangji, if I have to step away do you think you can sit up on your own?” He smiled at his brother but he just was met with a stare that barely seemed to understand what was being asked of him. He got a hint of a nod so he slid away, staying close enough out of fear his little brother would collapse into bed. When that didn’t happen, he left the room and found the first disciple he could.
He gave them orders to go find the healer that had been assigned to his brother’s care before he turned back to return to his brother’s side. Wangji looked at him, there was something there. He didn’t know what but he took it as a good thing.
“Wangji, I’m going to wait for the healer. You’re going to have to sit up for a while longer. Can you do that for me?”
Lan Zhan was many things. Most of them being stoic and up until recently a fastidious follower of the rules. If he asked his brother would do everything in his power to comply. But he knew this was asking a great deal.
“He shouldn’t be long Wangji, how about you eat while we wait.” He was warm, and Lan Wangji though thoroughly miserable, complied with that much.
The difficult part came to trying to feed his brother. Lan Wangji whether it be lack of appetite or grief, took a couple bites without problem but it didn’t take long before his brother started refusing him like he used to do when he did when they were kids and his little brother had come down with a cold. But Lan Xichen was nothing if not capable of matching his brother’s stubbornness step for step.
He kept pushing until his brother relented over the course at least two incense times. By then only half the bowl was gone and the healer had yet to arrive. It might be unkind of him but his patience was beginning to become frayed, and his brother was at his limit. He didn’t want to waste bandages but watching his brother’s eyes clench shut as sweat ran down his thin body he knew he would just have to make the healer come and redo it. So he sighed, “Wangji I’m going to wash your back again and then you can lay back down until the healer comes. Just be patient with me.”
Lan Zhan flinched but didn’t complain, even as he cleaned the horrible wounds. He worked slowly but carefully, but no amount of time and care could save him from the fact his brother really was being pushed too far because by the time he was done and he laid eyes on his brother’s face his entire face red even though he didn’t complain or cry out.
“I’m sorry Wangji, I know I’m asking a lot of you. Please just let me rewrap the bandages.” He didn’t try touching Lan Zhan more than necessary. His brother wasn’t physically affectionate with most and when he was upset, he grew even less tolerant of touch. Upsetting him more would do neither of them any good so he hastily rewrapped his brother’s wounds then helped him lay back down on his stomach.
His brother must have fainted the second his head hit the pillow because so suddenly Lan Zhan went limp. Part of him was relieved but the other part was angry. Not at Lan Zhan, angry because the healer should have been here by now.
He would have to check on that.
“I’ll be back as soon as I can, Wangji.” He assured to a man he knew couldn’t hear him, before he tidied up and went to go find the healer. It was far too late in the morning for the healer his uncle had assigned not to have visited. And the more he thought about it in the walk over the less he believed that the healer was even coming. But every time his mind tried to wander off to that thought he pushed it back, made empty excuses hoping he would believe it.
By the time he found the healer, an older man that his uncle knew for his own days as a disciple, he found the man busy tending to a herb garden. He blamed himself for being exhausted but something about how casually the man just seemed to be unaware struck a nerve.
“Excuse me…” he called, his elder turned and stood up. Lan Xichen recalled his name was Lan Jiahao but seeing as they had only met a handful of times when he and his brother were growing up and this healer spent much of his time studying away from the clan their meetings up to this point had been entirely short.
Still Lan Jiahao stood up to greet him. There was a hint of age to his face but it was hardly noticeable. “Ah, Clan Leader, how may I help you today?”
“I apologize for disturbing you but I was told my brother was under your care?” He tried not to sound like he was making accusations.
The elder laughed, “but of course, I was actually planning to go check on dear Hanguang-jun. I had just gotten distracted.”
He smiled and the comment on how late in the morning it was sat on the tip of his tongue. But he let it go. He pretended like nothing was wrong, “I see. I had actually gone to check on my brother, it looked as if his wounds had become infected. I haven’t been able to check in on him but I was simply worried how long that had been an issue?”
The elder blinked as if he had just heard some new information he had not been aware of. Lan Xichen tried to remind himself not to get angry. Tried to come up with reasonable reasons or some excuse that would explain it away.
After a pause he thought was entirely to long finally, he was given the excuse, “I had one of my disciples check him last night I believe. They didn’t tell me anything was amiss so it must have happened overnight. Worry not, I will go check him this morning!”
He didn’t know if he believed that but he had no reason to argue without coming off as needlessly quarrelsome so he let it go. He could go check back on his brother that evening, surely he would make sure to find time.
.-.-.-.
He did not in fact find time. If it wasn’t one matter regarding the sect it was another by the time he found a moment to breathe it was far too late. He considered going to check his brother but he knew better, Wangji kept very strictly to the sleep schedule. If he was not out on a night hunt then it was near impossible to keep his brother up late.
So he had opted to first thing in the morning, but once again he was busy well into the night. Then he got called away from a meeting with Da-Ge and A-Yao that had consumed at least three days of his time. By the time he was thankfully given time to go check on his brother he swore at least five days had passed since the last visit.
He had come with the expectation that his brother’s wounds would be healing marginally better. That the infection had been under control. The fact he was told nothing seemingly meaning everything would be fine.
But when he entered his brother’s bedroom he found it empty and his heart dropped. His eyes finding neatly folded layers of clothes, his brother’s headband and a note. He felt sick before he even read it. Almost couldn’t bring himself to read it. Then when he did he struggled to even process the words on the page and just sat there staring at it.
When he could he found, he was struggling to breathe. His head was spinning. Heart racing and everything but the words on the page in his brother’s perfect writing.
Time seemed pass into a crawl until he finally managed to pull himself together. Or the closest he could.
His little brother was gone. Lan Zhan was gone. No indication where he was going but he knew. He wished he didn’t but deep down he knew.
Getting to his feet he stared at the note. Then it seemed to hit him again, this time with the force of a raging bear. He thought he heard screaming before people started coming in his brother’s room. They were intruded on his brother’s private space and he didn’t know what they were all rushing in here for. Just that there were hands on him. Muddled noise, and suddenly his uncle in his face dragging him to his feet out of the room.
Everything beyond that was a blur of noise, faces and so much he barely registered what was even happening.
“Xichen. Look at me.” His uncle snapped at him. He complied like the little child that had practically lost his mother and father in the same blow. “You are in the way, go elsewhere and let me handle this.”
He knew what that meant. It likely meant that as far as his uncle was not concerned his brother was likely gone. His uncle didn’t care that his greatest disappointment was gone. He probably was about to tell all of them to forget about Wangji. He didn’t hear himself, he didn’t know what he was saying but whatever his frazzled mind was saying he saw his uncle staring at him. People around them stop.
Then a palm rested against his forehead and he collapsed.