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Sleep never came particularly easy to one Armin Arlert. It was a bad habit started at a very young age. Back then there were always new books to read, new facts to learn, and a million things to think about. It wasn't uncommon to find him asleep with a book open and a candle nearly melted down on his bedside table. His grandfather scolded him from time to time, but never took any real action in stopping the small boy from doing so.
Sleep did not become any easier when Armin became a refuge. Calm nights were suddenly filled with nightmares. Monsters stalked his dreams as well as his reality and there was no grandfather to comfort him anymore. At least he had Eren and Mikasa. They made the nights far more bearable Whenever he awoke from a particularly bad nightmare, he'd find one or the other half-awake, watching him with groggy expectancy. Sometimes he'd tell them about the monsters.
Other nights he kept them to himself. Particularly when they involved his friends.
Training, however, seemed to cure Armin of his on and off insomnia. If only for the simple fact that most days he was far too exhausted to truly dream. As soon as his head hit the pillow, Armin was out.
But old habits are hard to break, and times when he was in particularly high stress, the nightmares found him again.
–
It started off as a fairly pleasant dream, all things considered. The sun was shinning and the field he stood in was green and huge. Bigger than any place Armin had been. The grass went on for miles and he couldn't even see the wall.
In fact there didn't appear to be any walls that Armin could distinguish. He spun around, once, twice, and still nothing as far as the eye could see.
This was...was this the world beyond? The place beyond the walls?
He felt grass beneath his feet and air rushing past him and it felt amazing. He started to run and it felt even better. Armin laughed and yelled, he was free here. He never realized how confining the many walls had felt.
“Armin!”
Startled, he turned at the sound of his name and found Eren in the distance, calling for him, with Mikasa standing by his side. Armin's face split into a wide smile and he rushed over.
“Eren! Mikasa! We made it! We're outside!”
That was when his dream took a turn for the unpleasant.
Both his friends gave him a confused look and after a moment Eren replied, “We?”
Armin blinked, suddenly thrown off balance.
“I...yes. Just like we always said we would.”
But when he stepped forward, Armin found his way blocked by an unseen force.
“Eren? Mikasa!” He pounded at the force that was blocking him from moving forward, but his friends watched his struggle with blank expressions.
“How could you make it outside?” Mikasa asked him, taking no notice of Armin's distress. “You're far too weak to do that. And we didn't want to carry you anymore.”
Eren's face took on a sinister expression as he said in a voice much higher than Armin remembered, “Continue living like livestock, you weak piece of shit.”
Wall Maria slammed back into place like it had never been broken. With his friends on one side, and Armin trapped within.
–
A loud clap of thunder woke Armin and he sat up with a start, his breathing heavy and labored. Thankfully, it had started raining and no one woke up at the sound. It took him a moment to get his bearings but when Armin did so, he let out a large sigh and leaned his head forward onto his knees.
The stress of all this training must be getting to him, Armin thought as he tried to breathe deeply to regain his calm. It didn't work. The room felt too small and he felt like he still couldn't get in the air he needed.
Throwing off the covers, Armin quietly made his way to the front door (making sure to avoid all the loose floorboards that were in the way), opened it, and stepped outside.
The worst of the storm had passed, and now it was just drizzling quietly. But the smell and atmosphere helped Armin's state of mind. He sat down on the steps and Wrapped his arms around his legs, resting his chin against his knees to watch the rain come down.
The training areas were surrounded by wooden walls. That's what the world was now: walls within walls within walls. Armin felt the last of his imaginary freedom fade away.
He never got an apology from Eren that day. When the boy had snapped and hurt him. Hurt him probably more than Eren realized. Sometimes there was stuff that went on between them that went unsaid. Eren was hardly one to take back words. By the time Armin felt brave enough to confront him about it, the moment had long passed.
It'd been years since their first day as refugees.
Sometimes Armin doubted Eren even remembered what had been said.
“Armin?”
The boy in question jumped and let out a short yelp before turning slightly to see....
Eren.
His friend had the most uncanny timing.
Eren was giving him a searching look and Armin had to look down after a moment. Instead of answering the silent queries, he worked himself back into his curled up position. Eren let out a short sigh and came over. Sitting down beside him, Eren presented a sharp contrast to Armin by letting his elbows rest on the highest steps and his legs spread out on the lower ones. Taking up as much space as possible.
They watched the rain together in silence for a moment before Eren broke it.
“So, you going to tell me what's wrong?”
“Nothing's wrong,” Armin said a bit too quickly and winced, he really was a terrible liar.
Eren raised one eyebrow, not at all convinced, “Alright, try again, this time with less bullshit.”
The blond sighed and was quiet again, his friend didn't interrupt, knowing that sometimes
Armin often needed to gather his thoughts his thoughts before speaking.
“I had a nightmare.”
Eren waited but nothing came after, and his patience only stretched so far.
“What about?”
Armin let out another sigh and started, his voice shaking some, “It was...” he trailed off, wondering how to explain to Eren that he was the frightening part of that nightmare. He felt tears start to form and tried to push them back. “I don't want to talk about it.”
Eren gave him a sharp look, wanting to press the issue, “Armin...”
The other boy shook his head and pushed himself up to a standing position before slowly walking down the steps.
“Do you think we'll ever make it, Eren?”
There wasn't any reply, but Armin knew that his friend understood what he meant.
Armin stuck one hand out and felt the rain hit it, he watched it contemplatively.
“I wonder if the rain feels better out there, or if you can breathe easier. I wonder if the colors are brighter...” There was so many things he wanted to know and yet...
Armin stepped out into the rain, relishing the feeling, letting it hide his tears, “I wonder what my parents died for out there. It must have been incredible.”
He heard the footsteps coming down the stairs before a hand on his shoulder turned him around. Armin looked up at Eren with red eyes and a distant expression.
“Hey.” Eren shook him and Armin's eyes and attention focused, “We're going to get outside alright? We're going to see the ocean, and the fields of sand, and those...that huge animals with the long noses--”
Armin chucked, startled out of his contemplation, “Elephants?” he offered helpfully.
“Yeah. Those. Point is, is that we're going to see it all. You, me, and Mikasa. Ok?”
Eren had a way of snapping Armin out of his moods that always left him equal parts confused and grateful.
But he still had to know.
“You won't...go without me, will you?”
Eren look at him with an expression so confused that it was almost comical, “Why would I do that? It's our dream.”
That was all that needed to be said. Armin nodded while he ran the back of his hand across his eyes to remove tears as well as raindrops and let himself be led back inside.