Chapter Text
Although shifters only make up 40% of the population, they are a common enough feature in society that most people expect them to self-identify or feel comfortable asking about it themselves. These days, social media captions, dating profiles, networking introductions, hell, even LinkedIn descriptions, usually had some variation of Name / Shifter Identification / *emoji* *emoji* RAWR.
Especially when it came to shifter celebrities, whose lives people often felt entitled to know everything about, it was almost expected to find pictures of them in human, partial shift, and animal form splashed across the internet. Many social climbers and influencers had become celebrities over the years specifically for their rare or attractive shifter features and not much else.
Unsurprisingly, there were a lot of shifters in athletic leagues too. They had a lot of energy to burn off between the extra pheromones and additional instincts making them twitchy. It wasn’t always clear if being a shifter gave an advantage or not, as most animal instincts retained in their human form translated to senses, not necessarily speed or power, so there weren’t any regulations for professional sports. If anything, athletic humans who were also shifters were often recruited because of the branding opportunities - a panther on the Panthers, a deer on the Bucks, even an elephant shifter playing and sometimes shifting into Ellie the Elephant for the Liberty.
Unlike many of the rest of the shifters in the NHL, Shane had managed to keep any pictures of himself in full shift away from the public. A few grainy images existed of him in half shift from a few heightened hockey games in his youth but there wasn’t much else out there.
He wasn’t shy about his shifter identity, but it was private. No one aside from close family and friends needed to see him in full form. His mom had drilled into him at a young age that big cat shifters like him, especially those whose animal counterparts had once been hunted for pelts, needed to be careful in the public eye.
No one would hunt him obviously, but fetishization was a real risk. As one of the few known Asian hockey players (and unknown gay hockey player) in the NHL, differentiation was a part of his everyday existence and fetishization was already a regular war he and his mom fought against in brand deals.
Yuna had grown up as a rare species of small Japanese island cat shifters, an Iriomote cat, and experienced many a date’s creepy possessiveness over her shifted form until she met David, himself a lynx and understanding how people got weird over beautiful shifter features. She worried that her experiences would only be worse for her only child, magnified a hundred-fold as a celebrity, and had spent long hours coaching Shane to love but retain privacy around his lynx.
So despite the great marketing opportunities out there as a rare blue variety of Canada lynx, his mom was happy to use her branding brain to lean more into the “diversity” angle of his image and push against “exoticism” as much as possible. Aside from his social bios, which proudly declared his identity as a Canada Lynx, he avoided questions and scrutiny on his shifter self. He could be Canada’s Golden Boy / Lynx and still keep his instincts to himself.
Again though, most celebrities basked in the attention. Which was why he was confused when his biggest rival - turned rival/boyfriend - seemed to share his perspective on shifter privacy.
There was no other word for it, Ilya was an attention whore. His socials were covered in thirst traps and he was chronically online. But no pictures of him in full shift existed anywhere. Shane had scoured looked.
It wasn’t that Shane didn’t want him to have privacy - trust him, they both needed a lot of privacy for their activities over the years - but it just didn’t make sense for a man who once added a picture of his dick to his Instagram stories thinking he’d sent it to a potential hook-up and then let the timer run out on the story instead of deleting it.
Even before they were drafted, everyone knew that Ilya was a brown bear. The aggression and expressiveness, mild territoriality, the need to vocalize and flash his teeth after a tough battle on ice, even his sexual…expansiveness - all pointed to the mannerisms of the brown bear. His social bios contained an almost egregious amount of bear emojis. Add in Russia being the largest home of bear shifters on earth and the tattoo on his chest…
Shane is still partially convinced that he lost first draft pick because the Boston Bears couldn’t resist the perfect marketing opportunity.
However, the Bears had never been able to get him to fully shift for an ad or even perform a classic roar for a social post. He would occasionally flash his impressive fangs in his own brand deal advertisements, but that was the closest he came to publicly shifting. In interviews, he would say it was because he didn’t want to cause fear or chaos, but Shane knew every shifter woman and half the human women in a 100 foot radius would flock to him if he flashed those fangs in their company. A suspicious amount of those ads (all of them) had made it into his private bookmarked tabs, so, he would know.
Shane had asked him once, when they first started hooking up, why he didn’t shift more. “It just seems like you could make a lot more money,” he justified for why he was asking. Ilya just shrugged and suggested his father thought it was unbecoming to rely on shifter instincts to win before distracting Shane by ripping down his sweats and putting his mouth to use, ending the discussion.
Even after seven years, Ilya always found a way to distract him when the topic of shifters or instincts came up.
Shane would ask if Ilya could also smell the rank pheromones that emanated from the Toronto defensemen - “Do you think they cultivate nasty-smelling players as a strategy?” - and Ilya would deflect - “This is what you want to spend our time doing, Hollander? Arguing over other mens’ pheromones?” - then pin him against the nearest wall.
A few times, Ilya had caught him finishing up a post-game raw rabbit (skinned and de-boned, he wasn’t a heathen) and awkwardly paused in his usual advance to Shane. Besides the fact that nothing usually phased Ilya, game was actually very healthy for shifters and was often included in their team nutrition plans. Being so awkward around something so normal pinged even Shane’s “weird” radar. It was also the only time he avoided kisses, until Shane brushed his teeth. Now that was weird.
And of course Ilya always jumped him when Shane would pop his ears out, usually muttering something about moy kotenok in Russian, leaving no time to talk or ask for Ilya to also half-shift.
Not until Tampa did he finally see Ilya in a partial shift in person. At first, it had been a shock to run his fingers comfortingly through his hair and hit a furry ear, but Shane had just kept quiet, elated inside but projecting comfort outside.
Later, when Ilya flipped him and pressed him hard into the mattress, Shane saw a hint of fang and popped his own ears and tail immediately. Christ, was he sexy as fuck.
Long fangs flashing and scraping down his neck, snarling and whining as he came hard in Shane, fluffy yellowy ears nestled in his golden curls that twitched when Shane pet them in the afterglow.
“You’re so beautiful,” he remembered smiling dopily up at Ilya, reaching again to run a finger down Ilya’s ears. He couldn’t see the coloring super well in the low lamp light, but they seemed dappled, odd for a brown bear. “I’d love to see you in full shift one day,” he’d carefully whispered the words into Ilya’s collarbone. Ilya had tensed, then rolled off to grab a towel from the bathroom. When he came back, his ears and fangs were gone.
So yeah, something was definitely off about Ilya’s shifter side. But Shane was too afraid asking more about it would push him away and communication wasn’t their strong suit anyway. He’d rather preserve what they did have than push against yet another clearly sensitive topic in Ilya’s personal life.
It wasn’t until later, when they’d promised honesty to each other, that Shane thought about pressing it further. He felt sad for his boyfriend. His own lynx form was one of his favorite things. His human brain often panicked or froze or couldn’t form the right responses but stepping into his lynx form felt like chugging a cold ginger ale on a hot day. Every other care in the world dropped away as he trusted his instincts to tell him what to do.
Coming from a dual-shifter household, he was encouraged to explore his lynx traits with both parents and as a result, his lynx form felt as much like home as his cottage. He took dedicated time each week to shift and lean into his feline instincts to roll around in the sun, chase a few automated rabbit toys across his home gym, or go bounding across the quiet Montreal streets the morning after a snowstorm. It was a critical part of his routine and thus, success as the best - yes, Ilya, the best - center in the NHL.
He also spent an embarrassing amount of time fantasizing about both Ilya’s gorgeous human body and the probably massive form of his brown bear form. He knew it was unhealthy to create a false, idealized image of Ilya, but he couldn’t resist the pull of unlocking deeper intimacy by bonding in their shifter forms. He tried to keep his fantasies blurry but specific: rolling around in the snow with Ilya’s bear form. Curling up on his back on a walk through the forest. Hunting rabbits together and tussling across fields of wildflowers and snow drifts. His deepest fantasy was them cuddling by the fire in the cottage, wrapped around each other and tongues gently grooming each other.
Maybe - maybe he could be brave enough to ask for more. He had two weeks of cottage honesty to bring it up.
At first, he thought that he could tempt him to shift. They were trying to open themselves up more so maybe he didn’t even need to say anything.
He crawled out of bed completely naked and held eye contact with Ilya for a few seconds before slowly shifting down into his lynx form. Opening his eyes again, he’d been met with Ilya’s eyes sparkling in awe, mouth agape. “Luybiymyy…”, he whispered wonderingly.
His eyes had flashed, then his ears popped out and his fangs lengthened and Shane thought he would finally see the bear…before Ilya crawled on to the floor to run his still mostly human fingers through Shane’s fur.
They spent the rest of the night cuddling, Ilya whispering endearments and lightly scratching his ears in half-shift until he fell asleep. Shane spent the night crushed by disappoint and wracking his brain for a solution.
The next day, Ilya had woken up his human form with a blowjob and had spent the day being extra affectionate, but oddly wary, as if he was making sure his advances were still accepted. Obviously, they were, but Shane spent the day distracted by Ilya’s weird behavior, leaving his phone indoors when they went down to swim and leading to his dad surprising them in his kitchen.
They had bigger fish to fry than Ilya’s insecurities around his shifter form after that.
Shane wouldn’t find out exactly what his insecurities were about until a year in their “official” relationship.
It was supposed to be a surprise, flying in so early. Both Boston and Montreal were knocked out of the playoffs in the second round giving them a bit of extra time to finish team duties before heading to the cottage for the summer. But after a grueling playoff run (and weeks-long sex ban while he locked in), he couldn’t stand being away from Ilya any longer.
With a generous tip for the Uber, Shane grabbed his luggage from the trunk and sprang up the walk to Ilya’s front door. He felt himself starting to grin but couldn’t stop it, desperate to see the look on Ilya’s face when he walked in. He punched in the code - 8124 - and slid inside, closing the door quietly behind him.
He toed off his shoes, nudged them into place along the wall, then started silently gliding forward in socked feet. Of all his lynx traits, hunting and sneaking seemed to translate just as well to his human form. He flared his nose, trying to capture where his partner’s scent flared in the house.
There was an appealing scent coming from just behind the couch…
Two slow steps more and then Shane slung himself around the side of the couch, reaching forward to spring on to his partner when he caught sight of fur - lots of golden, spotted fur - and realized that maybe this might not be his boyfriend and maybe whichever shifter was - obviously - laying down for a sunbathe wouldn’t appreciate a two-hundred pound hockey player crashing their nap.
With a squawk and gratuitous windmilling of his arms he just managed to re-channel his momentum backwards. Unfortunately, his center of gravity went see ya just as his socked feet betrayed him and he ended up feet in the air and crashing hard on his ass.
“Ow…” Shane winced, rubbing his tailbone. He hadn’t fallen like that since he was a kid still learning how to track rabbits.
He looked up, met a pair of piercing green eyes and froze. A massive snow leopard laid in front of him. It was still in a non-threatening pose with its head laying on its front paws and tail curled around its body, but he’d clearly caught it off guard. The eyes were wide and piercing, staring him down in surprise and apprehension.
Oh fuck fuck fuck. It didn’t even cross his mind that Ilya might have a friend over. He didn’t know of any snow leopards on the Raiders, and he was pretty sure that Svetlana was a sable, but that almost made the situation worse. This shifter, whoever they were, was an unknown variable. They likely didn’t know about his and Ilya’s relationship and now he needed to come up with a very very good reason why Ilya Rozanov’s biggest rival had his door code, snuck into his house, and nearly (play) attacked another shifter.
“Uh…” Shane muttered, brain scrambling for an excuse. The snow leopard’s expression didn’t change, frozen and watchful. Its tail started to flick back and forth, but that could mean anything at this point. “Do you know where Il-Rozanov is?”
The cat blinked, but stayed where it was.
“Um…no?” Shane laughed nervously, eyes darting across the room toward the kitchen, praying for his boyfriend to appear. He always knew what to say, and also, was a much better liar.
The snow leopard still didn’t react. That was more disturbing than anything. Apparently Shane’s appearance in Ilya’s house had so shocked the shifter that they forgot to change back. He scrambled backwards in an awkward crab walk, still on his hands and knees. He knew to never turn his back on a larger predator.
Slowly, very very slowly, he pivoted into a crouch, then raised himself up to standing. He kept his shoulders hunched and avoided prolonged eye contact, lest the cat suddenly take that as a threat, and reached into his jacket pocket for his phone. He quickly tapped Ilya’s contact and continued to back away from the leopard.
“C’mon, c’mon, pick up, pick up,” Shane muttered into his phone. The leopard’s ears twitched and if anything, it became even stiller.
Both man and cat jerked when an EDM remix of Bad and Boujee echoed off the glass coffee table, breaking their standoff. God, Shane forgot Ilya’s stupid song choice for him - apparently he was “boujee” whatever that meant. Ilya-brand funny normally, but maybe not when Shane was facing down a 500 pound predator. He was here somewhere then, but where?
Shane’s breath picked up, starting to panic a bit more. God, what could he do? He couldn’t just run out, that would be too weird, but would it just make more sense to leave if Ilya wasn’t here? And he probably should say something to the leopard, but what? Could he even be causal enough about it?
Suddenly the cat whined, sending Shane spinning back in its direction. Right, don’t take eyes off the massive leopard. The cat was off the floor now, but still crouched down, with one paw reaching forward tentatively. Its ears were tilted down, eyes glancing between Shane’s stomach and eyes, and the powerful tail was curled under its body. At least it wasn’t acting like it wanted to attack.
Shane gulped and backed even further away. “Ah, haha, well Rozanov isn’t here so, ah, I guess I’ll go…” he stammered out.
The cat whined again and followed after him. Shane quickened his pace backwards. “Nice meeting you, I’ll - I’ll leave you to it…,”
…then he made to turn the corner, but the cat moved sharply in his peripheral vision. He pivoted on one socked foot, trying to see if the cat had finally decided to attack -
- but gravity and Ilya’s shiny wood floors didn’t like abrupt movements and then the kitchen counter was rushing towards his face and -
“Shane!”
- and he was knocked sideways and landed on top of his perfectly timed, but naked boyfriend.
“Are you alright, moy lyubov?” Ilya’s worried face peered up at him. Shane, stunned from his near braining from Italian marble, could only stare back in silence. Ilya’s arms tightened around him, then he started to pet him all over, running his hands across his face and head to check for injury. “You are not hurt?” he checked in again, ducking his head to meet Shane’s eyes.
“Wha - no, no, I’m not hurt,” Shane shook himself and rolled off Ilya, “but there was -“ he made to point back towards the couch, “- a snow” - he trailed off as there wasn’t any sign of the snow leopard.
He turned back to Ilya, face scrunched in confusion. “Where did the snow leopard go?”
Ilya froze, body tensing. He remained silent as Shane noticed Ilya’s state of undress. While usually a naked Ilya had Shane immediately hot and bothered, this time the sight of his body sent a jolt of clarity through him.
“Ilya…” he breathed, “are you the snow leopard?”
His boyfriend’s eyes went wide and scared, before he quickly curled himself, head tucked against his knees and hiding from Shane. He gave the smallest nod.
Shane reached for him carefully, stroking his hand soothingly down Ilya’s flank. He was a bit at a loss for words. He had always believed, along with the rest of the world, that Ilya was a bear shifter. Ilya had never tried to dissuade him of that. Honestly, he felt a little hurt to find out he was a different species entirely but he tried to shove that feeling down. As his mom always reminded him, people’s choices usually had nothing to do with him and this was something that Ilya had hid from everyone. He tried to find an appropriate response.
“I thought you were a bear shifter,” he stated. Ilya flinched. Ok, that probably wasn’t the best thing to start with. He watched Ilya shake his head twice into his knees.
“Ilya, baby…” he leaned down, covering more of his boyfriend with his presence and bring his face closer to Ilya’s ear. “It’s ok, you’re ok, we’re ok,” he soothed. “Lets get up, ok? Lets get on the couch and get you some clothes and we can cuddle, ok?”
Ilya remained silent but uncurled a bit to meet his eyes. His boyfriend looked terrified, but Shane was determined to take care of him and whatever this was. He leaned forward to press a kiss to Ilya’s forehead.
“Couch, yeah? We don’t need to talk,” he murmured, letting his lips linger against his skin.
Ilya finally uncurled all the way, letting Shane wrap his arm around his waist and help him on to the couch. Shane snagged a throw blanket from the back and wrapped Ilya up, providing him with a bit of coverage. He knelt on the floor in front of him, running his hands firmly up and down his arms.
“Do you need anything? Water, food?” he asked. Ilya shook his head and instead stretched their arms out until Shane released him. He quickly scooped his arms around Shane’s waist and pulled lightly.
Shane chuckled. “Just me, huh?” he said as he clambered up into his lap.
“Whoa!”
Ilya let himself fall over sideways on to the couch. He huffed at Shane’s exclamation and Shane finally saw a hint of a smile.
“Cuddle time?” Shane smiled fondly up at him from where he sprawled across Ilya’s chest. Ilya nodded. Shane pressed a kiss to his sternum and nestled down for some nonverbal time. He was always grateful when Ilya did this for him and he was more than happy to give it back.
The two shifters laid in silence for awhile. Every now and then, they would reach out to pet each other’s bodies, just little touches for comfort. Shane tried to keep his breathing slow and calm, but inside, his brain was racing around on its normal overthinking hamster wheel.
First, his boyfriend was not a bear shifter at all. He was a snow leopard, a completely different species, one with different instincts and reactions. Ilya had been pretending to be a bear for years, leaning into a bear’s instincts and had even let himself be marketed as the Bears’ Great Russian Bear.
He trusted that Ilya had a good reason for hiding this, he really truly had to believe that. But it just made no sense to him. He loved his lynx form, his lynx instincts. Rejecting that side of himself would be impossible.
Which brought him to his second worry: was Ilya rejecting his shifter? At least maybe he embraced himself in private, if he transformed at home. But wouldn’t that still be painful? How much agony had his boyfriend gone through, pushing down his natural self?
Third, that meant there was probably a scary or bad or otherwise awful reason why Ilya chose to self-inflict a different, although limited, shifter identity. That thought made his gums tingle, lynx teeth wanting to pop out. No one would mess with his boyfriend, his mate. He’d hunt them down and ruin everything they cared about -
Shane took a deep breath, pulling Ilya’s reassuring scent in with it. He was supposed to be in comforting mode, not murder mode. He’d plan destruction after his boyfriend told him what was wrong.
Whatever had happened to make him like this, Shane was going to do his best to reassure him that he loved him the way he was and try to understand how he felt about his animal form.
When Shane felt Ilya’s lungs even out into his regular breath pattern, he dropped another kiss on his chest and leaned back enough to see Ilya’s face.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked. Ilya whooshed out a breath.
“Okay,” he replied. He readjusted his arms around Shane, holding him down to his chest. Shane let himself be pulled. He of all people knew it was easier to talk through difficult things when you didn’t have to do it face-to-face.
After another pause and deep breath, Ilya began. “I am not a bear shifter,” he began. “I let others think that, but I am Снежный барс, snow leopard.”
Shane hummed to show he was listening.
“Papa was human, but Mama was a shifter, a snow leopard. She was beautiful, so shiny and white. I think that’s why Papa married her. He desired her coat and being able to say he had a snow leopard in the family. Maybe even snow leopard children.”
“I bet she was beautiful. You were beautiful when you shifted too,” Shane interjected softly.
Ilya gently tugged the hair at the base of his neck. “You were too busy running away to notice what I looked like, dorogoy.”
“Hey, I was still able to notice how pretty you are! Your eyes were so big and green, they were hard to miss,” Shane slapped at his stomach.
“Okay, so you say,” Ilya scoffed. “Can I talk again?” he pulled on the dark strands in his grip.
Shane grumbled into his stomach but flicked his hand in the air to indicate to go ahead.
“Снежные барсы are rare in Russia. There are very few left and many are forced into marriages to try to force leopard blood into wealthy families. Papa did not like my mother and her, ah, instincts. He wanted snow pony, not shifter.”
“Show pony?”
“Da, show pony. Mama was expected to wear a fancy collar at parties. Sometimes in half shift but later, almost always in full shift.”
He took a shaky breath. The next part, he whispered. “I told you she was sad. She was already sad. But she couldn’t be a leopard, only a decoration. No instincts allowed. I think she could not take being treated as less than a person and that’s why she left me.”
Shane pressed little kisses up his chest, trying to press comfort into his skin. “I’m so sorry, baby.”
“Before she died, she made me promise that I would not be a decoration.” Shane felt him shrug. “So, I became bear. Very common, easy to hide.”
“And your dad - he was ok with that?” Shane raised his head up again, searching Ilya’s face. Ilya glanced down, tracing his thumb across one of Shane’s eyebrows.
“Eh, no, but I told all my teammates and coaches and had tattoo. Once I was scouted by Bears, he did not care. Anything to make more money.”
He pulled Shane up a bit on his chest to nestle him under his chin. Shane rubbed his head up affectionately along his jaw, enjoying the scenting behavior in human form. “No shifting at home though.”
At this, Shane almost head butted Ilya in his haste to lean up. “No shifting at home? But what about your instincts?”
Ilya grimaced at that. “When I was born, he did not want her to teach me anything. He said men do not need their animal forms unless they are fighting to protect the family. No hunting, no grooming, no noises, no shifting. Then when I committed to being a bear, he did not want anyone finding out that I lied.”
Shane’s jaw dropped a little lower. “But you shifted other places right?”
Ilya averted his eyes. “Sometimes with Svetlana. But not really. Easier to not shift or only partial shift than to get used to it. Instincts are hard to turn off but easy to control if you don’t use them.” He returned softened eyes to gaze at Shane. “I only tried recently because you are so beautiful and look so peaceful in cat form.”
“Ilya…” Shane breathed. He could feel tears forming and rushed to bury his face in Ilya’s neck. After a few moments, he spoke up quietly from his nook. “Thank you for telling me. I’m glad to hear that. It’s one of my favorite things. I want you to like shifting too. And -“ he sat up quickly again, this time leveraging up to stare directly down into Ilya’s eyes. “- I really want to see your snow leopard again. I meant it when I said you were beautiful.” He pecked Ilya briefly on the lips. “I can help with your instincts. Mom can too - she had a whole training regime for me growing up. We’ll get you your instincts back in no time.”
He suddenly grinned at his boyfriend as all his long-cherished fantasies started to shift and surface in his mind. “And once you’re ready, I could take you hunting! And we can cuddle in full shift. I know you’ll be so soft.” He turned the full force of his joyful grin on Ilya. “We’re both big cats! This is so great. Thank you for telling me all this Ilya.”
Ilya, unable to resist Shane’s excited face, smiled back. “I am not so used to being leopard. It is hard to let the “me” brain go. But I will try for you.”
Shane threw himself back down at Ilya, clutching him tightly and wriggling on his lap. “I’m so excited, we’re going to have so much fun.”
“I have not seen you this excited since you got that sponsorship with your stick tape company,” Ilya finally laughed at him.
“Shut up, it’s a great tape,” Shane mumbled. His wiggles had transitioned into play bites across Ilya’s shoulders. “Don’t laugh, I’m allowed to be excited that my partner is feline.” He punctuated the statement with a sharp nip to Ilya’s right collarbone.
The next thing he knew, Ilya had him tumbled around on the couch and was pressing him down into the cushions with his full weight. “Careful, kotenok,” he smirked, letting his eyes flash feline and green, “I will bite you back.”
Shane gasped as Ilya’s blue eyes flickered green for a second, then groaned into the couch cushion. “Fuck, that’s sexy Ilya.”
Instead of continuing to tease him like he expected, Ilya only gaped at him. Before Shane could ask about the pause, he was crushed under the full weight of his boyfriend, curly hair tickling the side of his face and neck. From Shane’s position under him, he could only see the tip of a very red ear. He chucked and poked at Ilya’s side. “Are you blushing?” he said, pleased that he’d managed to fluster his famously unflappable boyfriend.
“No, Russians do not do this,” came the muttered usual response. Shane responded by letting out a delighted giggle and squeezing him to his chest.
Slowly they settled back down, truly relaxing into each other’s bodies. Shane began to run his fingers through Ilya’s curls the way he liked and purred deep in his chest. Ilya gathered up his other hand and gently pressed it to his lips.
“You are not mad?” he whispered.
“No, of course not baby. Why would I be mad?” Shane tried to look down at him, but Ilya kept his face tucked down and lips pressed to Shane’s knuckles. He gently interspersed kisses with his next words.
“I lied to you. Let you think I was a bear.”
Shane sighed and nosed the top of his head, sinking his face into the blonde curls he loved so much. “Ok, I was a little sad you didn’t tell me at first. But I understand why, so I forgive you. Not that there was much to forgive in the first place.”
“Okay” Ilya responded back. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“Can we finish my nap?”
Shane nodded, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. “Of course baby, we can nap.”
Ilya nodded off immediately, seemingly exhausted from all the revelations. But Shane’s brain had whirred to life. There were so many things that he couldn’t wait to experience with Ilya. He had to start on the list immediately.