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“Hear me out: cherry pie and a cup of coffee?”
“Haewon, I need to get to sleep! My flight’s at 7AM!”
The crusts of a patty melt, cold fries, and a half-eaten pancake sit between them on large, red-rimmed plates. The song on the jukebox is older than the two of them, with a syncopated rhythm kept by the clattering of a spatula against a distant flat top.
Haewon angles her head toward the clock ticking away on the wall. It is clear that there will be no time for heading home. She slowly and dramatically swivels her head back to Lily. A faint shadow dusts the skin beneath her eyes, a combination of a lack of sleep and smudged mascara. Lily’s gaze lingers on the clock for a moment, as if staring alone could will its hands in a given direction.
Haewon stares as the fluorescent light catches in Lily’s peroxide blonde hair. The lengths are a pale gold, like faded jewelry, and the split ends white in the electric light. Different as it is, it suits her, Haewon thinks.
Lily meets her gaze with a stifled chuckle as bashful as it is sheepish. A knowing smile surfaces on Haewon’s face. Lily’s eyes flit back down to her pancake as tills rows in the maple syrup with the tines of her fork.
A slice of cherry pie and a mug of coffee reach their table a few minutes later. Haewon reaches for a tiny plastic cup of cream and the canister of sugar, pouring each into the mug and stirring the spoon along the edges.
“You’d be proud of me,” Lily says, straightening her posture and her smile. “I’ve actually been drinking coffee Americano these days.”
“Oh? I have, too.”
“Then why did you add milk and sugar?”
“Because that’s how you liked it on the rare occasion you drank it. Used to, at least.”
“I mean, I still like it. It just feels more like a treat, you know?”
Haewon pushes the mug toward Lily, foamy bubbles spinning as they dissipate. “Well, enjoy the treat. You’re not in New York City everyday, now are you?”
Lily brings the mug to her mouth with both hands and drinks heartily. She nods as she gives a contented mmm! She nudges the mug to Haewon, who takes it by its handle. The edge of her lips touches the faint pink mark where Lily’s had been.
“Why New York? I have to ask.”
“Because I got a job,” Haewon responds.
“I know, but. You could have worked anywhere! Anywhere would have been lucky to have you.”
“I assure you it’s not that easy to get a job.”
“But you had a job, no? Back home.”
Haewon picks up a crumpled straw wrapper and rolls it between her fingers. “What’s wrong with New York? It’s nice enough for you to visit.”
“Nothing, I guess. It’s just far.”
They watch the cars pass out the window, the passersby floating along the sidewalk. The sky shifts from ink black to cobalt blue to indigo. Lily draws shapes with her fingertip on the fogged window. They trade the mug along with cautious glances back and forth.
Eventually, Haewon can see the bottom of the cup peeking through the halo of coffee. She sets it down.
“You should get going,” she says. “You don’t want to miss your flight.”
“I’m not going to miss my flight. It’s still early.”
“Which airport is it?”
“JFK, like I said before?”
“Oh, JFK is such a hassle. I really hate it. It’s always so busy. Plus, you’ll have to take the subway, and then the AirTrain, and then—”
“I was planning on taking a taxi.”
“That’s even worse with the traffic!”
“Fine, I’ll get going shortly. Let me finish my coffee.” She picks up the mug and swirls the contents before throwing the liquid back.
When they shuffle to the counter at the front of the restaurant, Haewon doesn’t let Lily pay. She pushes past Lily’s hand as she thrusts her card toward the cashier. Lily protests weakly, but Haewon counters with a forceless remark about Lily being her guest.
They take to the sidewalk, wrapping their coats snugly around themselves. They stand on the curb, watching the cars pass by. As a yellow taxi passes in front of them, Haewon lifts a limp hand. It zooms by without any hesitation.
“It’s just like the movies,” Lily remarks. “Waving down a taxi.”
“What? Oh, yeah.”
“If it’s just like it is in the movies, I can handle it. You have to get ready to go to work, don’t you?”
“It’ll only take a minute,” Haewon assures.
They watch as the cars inch by. Exhaust puffs out of the backs of the cars in long wisps like ghosts. Lily waves her hand to the street awkwardly, with too much energy.
“Why didn’t you tell me earlier? That you were coming to New York.”
But Lily draws a sigh through her nose. “Because I didn’t want you to tell me anything I didn’t want to hear.”
“Like what?” The tightness at the back of Haewon’s throat has a sour taste.
“Like…” Lily trails off, before suddenly blinking to attention with a practiced smile, polished and radiant. She tugs on the ends of Haewon’s hair. “Like I don’t look good with blonde hair!”
Haewon grabs Lily’s hand, but only firmly enough to keep it in her own grasp. They both freeze for a moment. It is unfair how Lily can still make Haewon’s heart stop beating after all these years, and how easy she could make it happen. Haewon lowers her hand to her side, but doesn’t let go of Lily’s. She adjusts her grip, instinctively finding the position in which their fingers slot together. Lily doesn’t pull away.
“I wouldn’t tell you that,” Haewon assures, her voice thick and firm. She admires Lily’s long, dark eyelashes as she averts her gaze to lean over the curb and stretch out her hand, wrist slack.
“What would you tell me?”
Does Lily know that there are more things that Haewon cannot tell her than she can count? Than she could?
“Nice things. Anything you want to hear.” She feels the gravity of each word she says, but she steels her composure.
Lily cocks her head. “Yeah?” There’s a glimmer in her eyes that makes Haewon’s stomach tremble.
A yellow cab slides up to the curb. Haewon peers into the window at the driver as if she could will him to keep driving. His face passes her field of vision, but the car comes to a stiff halt. Haewon feels that the car may as well be a bright yellow hearse.
Haewon nods, slow and firm. “Yeah.”
The driver honks impatiently, but neither Lily nor Haewon as much as flinch.
“Then tell me. Right here.”
You should stay. At my place. Haewon would say. I’ll make you breakfast, even if it’s just pancakes again. Stay over tonight, and the next night, and the next. We’ll lose count.
I will give you every reason I can to call this place home and for you to call me your own again.
I would.
“The blonde really suits you,” are the only words she can choke out. She drops her head, studying the lines in the sidewalk and the laces of her shoes—anything to avoid the look on Lily’s face as she forfeits again.
Despite her better judgment—out of a need to hurt, or to be hurt, to comfort or be comforted, she doesn’t know—Haewon surrenders to her instinct again, glancing up to see Lily’s expression.
What she sees is Lily’s eyes and nose wrinkling slightly, as if to say I knew it. What her lips say is “I knew you’d think so.”
Lily reaches for the door of the cab the moment the driver tries to pull away, and the car stops again. Events start to move before Haewon’s eyes in a blur; it’s another Haewon who hoists Lily's suitcase up and pushes it into the trunk.
She grabs Lily at her waist and across her back before she can step into the car. She presses her face where her Lily’s scarf meets her neck, shamefully pressing her face deeper as she catches a whiff of her perfume. Lily stands stiff in her embrace for an instant before wrapping her arms around Haewon and holding her tight against her body.
The moment lapses on before Lily finally pulls away. As she leans back, Haewon’s hands take purchase on Lily’s forearms. They freeze in place, their faces mere inches apart. Haewon’s lips part at the scent of coffee on Lily’s warm breath.
Haewon releases her grip, and Lily retreats. Lily readjusts her scarf, covering half her face, and sinks into the backseat of the cab.
Haewon taps on the window, white circles forming where her fingers meet the glass. The window lowers, and Lily’s glossy eyes gaze up at Haewon.
“It was good to see you. I missed you,” Haewon says. “Text me when you get to your gate?”
“Yeah. Me too. Goodbye, Haewon.”