Chapter Text
So if you wash your hands of where you've been until you flood the second floor
Neatly fold your skeletons, but still can't shut the closet door
The only ones in need of love are those who don't receive enough
So evil ones should get a little more
~”Laplace's Angel (Hurt People? Hurt People!)” By Will Wood ~
The invasion was scary.
Terrifying.
Nightmarish.
Horrifying.
Wretched.
Whatever words the thesaurus could come up with for the synonym of ‘scary’ seemed pretty weak to Leo.
He shut his phone off, making the bright white page fade to black.
Nothing seemed to be able to describe the invasion properly.
So many words in the English language, and yet, not one seemed to be able to describe it. Kind of strange how that worked. So many factors, yet not one answer.
The thought brought a smile to his face, and Leo quickly made it leave.
It was like a perfect fit for his own situation.
So many factors. So many choices.
Yet no clear answer.
Not yet, anyway.
So many factors.
“He's in shock,” Donnie had whispered, barely keeping it together himself, wringing his hands together tightly, “I asked about his injuries, and all he said was ‘the deal.’”
“The deal?”
The deal.
Leo had to hide an excited grin again, knowing he wouldn't get away with a second one.
The deal. The deal. The deal.
Oh, that seemed to narrow down all the words that described the invasion to one.
Exhilarating.
Oh, it was so exciting. So many quick moves, so many stakes. So much at risk.
Yes, it truly was the most exciting thing Leo had ever faced.
Weighed down by only one factor.
“It's not about you!”
Ah, there it was.
Even in the face of life or death; of the end of the world. His family still managed to come together to tell him the one thing he'd known since he was a toddler.
“It's not about you!”
Of course not. Not in the middle of an invasion he caused, where his brother got taken, where his future self had sent back his student to save them, where he was leader and had to plan, where he sacrificed himself.
No, no. It certainly wasn't about him at all.
Leo rolled over in bed, feeling the pain of his hurt arm pressing against the firm medbay cot. It hurt, a bone-deep ache that wouldn't go away anytime soon.
It throbbed painfully, with a beat matching his pulse, which matched his thoughts.
The deal. The deal. The deal. The deal. The deal.
Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.
For every beat, there was the thought. For every thought, there was the beat. Like his heart pumping blood was also pumping the thought to his brain.
Like it was something that would keep him alive.
Another grin formed on his face, but he didn't worry, didn't even have to in the first place, as it turned out, everyone had fallen dead asleep.
So much for keeping watch.
Leo didn't fully blame them, not really, after all, they'd just fought aliens and had barely managed to survive, it was understandable to be exhausted.
But on the other hand. . .why bother planning to keep watch if you would just fall asleep?
Maybe that's the goal. For them to fall asleep and me to die while they are. No guilt. “We didn't know!”
Leo shook his head slightly, that was ridiculous. Even with all the new factors, he knew his family (maybe?) cared about him, and he cared about them too!
And yet. . .
Thinking of his deal. Of the steps to it, he couldn't help but feel that they'd fail before he even planned to start.
“Nardo?”
Leo blinked, looking up to find Donnie standing beside the bed, looking down at him with furrowed brows.
“You need to lay down,” Donnie said, gently tugging his arm to make Leo lay back on his shell, lessening the pain in his arm and recradling the horribly cracked carapace, “You'll hurt yourself.”
“Sorry.” Leo said simply, shutting his eyes as he laid back, listening to the faint beeps of the heart monitor.
Donnie stayed silent a moment, before Leo opened his eyes, surprised at finding him climbing onto the bed with him.
Donnie laid down beside him, careful not to touch a single injury, and laid his head down on Leo's plastron, right over his heart.
Dimly, Leo wondered if he could hear it. The beat and the thoughts that replayed in sync with his pulse.
“. . .night, ‘Tello.”
“Night, ‘Nardo.”
As the softshell drifted off to sleep, Leo couldn't help but feel a little bit bad.
After all, they'd never see it coming.
. . . . . . . . .
Mikey cried a lot.
It was just a simple fact.
The sky was blue, the grass was green, and Hamato Michelangelo cried a lot.
But even with that, it did not explain how much he'd been crying lately.
Leo asked him once, and Mikey sobbed, “It's because you're here. You're alive but you're so hurt!”
And wasn't that strange.
Leo's pain didn't seem to matter before.
He'd been hurt plenty of times before and they hadn't cared, be it physically or mentally, and he'd been threatened to be hurt countless times and they hadn't cared. Actively encouraged it sometimes too. "Yes! Punish him!”
Eurgh. It was times like this that made everything so much more confusing. A mix of guilt, anger, sorrow, and longing all combined with the main one; love.
If he was being honest with himself, he knew that he still loved his family. How could he not? Despite all the bad, they had done a lot for him over the years.
He knew that the reason he locked Prime and himself in the prison dimension was to save his family.
But the deal. The deal. It seemed so much more important.
So much more worth it.
Leo shook his head, his little brother was actively sobbing about the state of his well-being. Wasn't that proof enough of their love?
So he'd watch, and wait. Ignore the stewing, tangled mess of emotions in his head and see what happened.
Because things were good at the moment.
But he knew from experience. . .all that could change in a second.
. . . . . . . . . . .
Leo didn't like falling.
The weightless, hopeless sensation as your stomach swoop and gravity tugged you further and further down-
“What was it like there?”
Leo blinked back into focus, turning to face Donnie, who laid beside him, bandaged shell facing him.
“. . .cold.” Leo whispered back, voice barely a breath.
The chill of the prison dimension was one of the worst parts. Like a bone-deep cold that pierced through everything.
And darkness.
So dark.
And the warped gravity. The strange sensation of
Never
Ending
F̸̪͋ă̷̻ḷ̶͆l̴̗̇i̴͔͗n̶̹̈g̸̟̑
Like a physical parody of the Shepherd's tone. Constant falling, a loop of throttling fear, a swooping stomach, a hurt, injured body that constantly braced for an impact that'd never come.
A prison was bad enough, wasn't it? Why did so much cruelty have to be added? The warped time, the cruel creatures.
The way you'd reset anytime you nearly reached death. It was always so close, like he could just reach forward a bit more and finally escape and-
Then he'd open his eyes to Prime grinning.
“Leo?” Donnie whispered softly, gently touching his arm. Leo stifled a flinch.
“Sorry, I keep spacing out,” Leo said with a pasted on grin, “It was cold there, and dark. Not that great, would never vacation there again. But it doesn't matter, cause I'm home now and we're all alive! You guys brought me back!”
Donnie nodded slowly, turning his head away and staring down at the floor. His lips barely moved as he whispered, and Leo had to strain to hear what he said.
“So why does it feel like we didn't?"
. . . . . . . . . . . . .
Leo didn't like Splinter very much.
It was a fair statement, after all, not many people liked someone that neglected them and borderline abused them during their childhood.
So it was strange seeing him around. Worried, nonetheless.
It was like seeing a distant relative at a reunion, one who knew and recognized you, but you had virtually no memory of. They maybe held you once or twice, maybe babysat for the parents to get a break.
But there was virtually no memory or bonding with the person, yet they seemed to expect it still.
That's what Splinter was like.
Even as he moved about the medbay, reading charts, checking vitals, checking the IV for the tenth time, it all seemed like he was just doing something for Leo to acknowledge.
“Oh, Blue,” Splinter said softly, cupping his face in his hands, “You are safe and you are home.”
He must have mistaken Leo's blank expression.
Which made sense, after all, how would you read someone you didn't even know?
It was like trying to understand a book in a different language.
“I know,” Leo said, not at all subtly pulling his hands away, “I know where I am.”
Splinter's expression changed, a flash of something flickering across his eyes. Fear.
Leo wanted to smile at it, to point it out and let Splinter know he should be afraid.
Yet, he didn't. Why? Because he didn't need to. He was in control, and he could control his emotions to not do something do petty. Something so compromising to the deal.
“How are you feeling, my son?” Splinter asked softly, still sitting beside the bed, but not reaching out to Leo again. Good.
Seriously, ‘my son?’ I haven't been that in a looooong time. . .maybe not ever.
“Fine,” Leo said, leaning back in bed and looking up at the ceiling. The florescent lights hurt his eyes. Which was good, grounding, it helped him focus.
“Are you sure? Do you need anything? Water? More painkillers? I believe future boy said-” Splinter rambled, looking worried.
Leo tuned him out, turning instead to look at the heart monitor and watching the vitals there. Despite everything, his stubborn heart was still beating.
Still synced with the rapid thoughts racing through his mind. The deal. The deal. The deal. The deal-
“Blue?”
“Hmm?”
“Are you alright?”
Leo looked over, seeing the rat staring at him with concern and fear. He was frowning, brow scrunched in worry.
“Yes.” Leo repeated, fighting the urge to roll his eyes.
It fell silent for a while, uncomfortable and tense. Before Splinter spoke up again.
“Blue. . .with, um, everything that happened,” Splinter said slowly, “I uh, know that I already tried this in the past. . .”
Leo stared at him, waiting.
Was this it? The change? The sign that he would give up the deal, throw it away and stay with his family? Tell them about everything; how he felt, what he went through?
“Do you. . .do you remember when I wanted to spend time with you?” Splinter asked quietly.
Leo nodded, remembering that disastrous trip.
“I. . .uh, I. . . nevermind. I will send Purple in here to check on you, you know how he worries,” Splinter said, stopping whatever it was he was going to say, pasting on a weak smile.
What was I expecting?
Leo felt a sharp smile spread across his face, “Sure thing, Splinter! Don't worry, I know exactly how Dee feels compared to you!”
Splinter flinched, eyes widening in surprise at Leo's cleverly disguised jab, but he nodded once, jumping down and scurrying from the room.
Coward.
Leo grinned wryly.
Guess a rat really was the thing that fit him best.
He tilted his head back, staring up at the bright lights that aggravated his eyes and not-quite-healed concussion. Still hurt. He hoped it'd keep hurting.
Well, may as well make things easier for myself.
Let's see. . .Splinter, April, Raph, Donnie, Mikey, and Casey. I'll give ‘em each a chance.
Wow.
It had only been three days and one was already down.
One down, five to go.
And the strangest part of that betrayal?
Leo found himself smiling about it.
. . . . . . . . . . .
Leo was walking.
He definitely wasn't meant to be, considering his ankle was broken and heavily casted, complete with various doodles and signatures from family members.
He limped through the medbay doors, glancing back at where Raph and Mikey had passed out during their shift to watch him. He could be mad about it, but they both looked ragged and exhausted, so Leo didn't blame them too much.
He kept walking.
It was a dull ache, although to anyone else they'd be writhing in pain, not that pain meant much to Leo anymore. Enduring pain for two years was enough to make the severe stuff almost nothing. He was certain he could've slept through all the surgeries he'd been given without anesthesia.
Leo stopped outside Donnie’s lab, peeking into the open door. His twin was passed out at his desk, laying face down on the keyboard and making a whole string of g’s appear across the screen.
He crept into the room, grabbing a pair of tongs and turned to leave, only to freeze at what was on Donnie's desk.
His busted up communicator.
Leo immediately grabbed it, knowing Donnie could successfully fix it.
He'd hear everything.
He quickly dumped it in a random filing cabinet near the back of the lab, covering it with some of the scrap in the metal drawer.
He left the room, sliding the tongs into the cast to hide them, then entered the medbay. He dug through a drawer, slightly irritated at how disorganized it had gotten, and found a scalpel.
He slid that carefully into the cast too, leaving the blade pointed up.
Leo left the medbay for the second time, heading to his train car, only to freeze at a whisper down the hallway.
“Sensei?”
Leo jumped, looking up to see groggy Casey Junior standing at the entrance of the hallway.
“Hey Case,” Leo said awkwardly, unsure of what to say about this whole situation. Maybe he'd believe me if I say he's dreaming?
Casey sighed, “You’re just like Master Leonardo.”
“Huh?”
“Leaving the med bay when you aren't healed,” Casey sighed, walking over and supporting Leo on one side, “Where to?”
“My room, I gotta get outta there,” Leo said with a sheepish grin, and the two went in. He immediately sat down on his bed, sighing in relief, “Thanks CJ, I would've died if I'd had to spend another minute in there!”
“Stop talking about dying!” Casey whisper-shouted, glaring, his eyes suspiciously glassy, “You're not going to die! Ever!”
Leo startled at the tone, “Yeesh, sorry! I'm not dying man, I was just kidding.”
Casey just stared, standing frozen and not doing anything, chest heaving.
“Why don't you go back to bed, Casey?” Leo suggested gently, “We can talk more in the morning.”
Casey flinched, eyes going huge and tears gushing down his face, he rushed out of the room.
Must've been something future me said to him. . .or something similar.
Leo shut the door to his train car, and sat back down on his bed. He propped his non casted foot up on his knee and turned on his LED lights to white so he could see.
He slid the scalpel out of his cast and grabbed the tongs.
This'll be easy. Simple. Just like he said.
He cut open the flesh on the bottom of his foot with scalpel, sliding down and creating a clean cut. Blood immediately started gushing, pouring out all over his leg and bed, staining the blue blankets crimson.
He grabbed the tongs, forcing the cut open wider and then holding it open with his hand. He carefully slid in the tongs, hissing a bit as it slid through the pulsing skin, sending more blood gushing out.
And then he heard a quiet clink.
The sound of metal hitting metal.
He grinned, pushing the small tongs further and grasping the object and slowly pulled his hand back, retracting the tongs and revealing the item they had grabbed.
A metal shard, completely covered in his blood.
But there was no mistaking the faint pink glow around it.
Leo grinned, shoving the blanket against the bottom of his foot to temporarily hold off the bleeding, he reached up to the mount above his bed, grabbing his sword.
He opened a portal and grabbed his stitching supplies, quickly closing the bleeding gash with little care of pain. He'd had far worse; this was practically nothing.
With the shard in hand, he opened a small portal, putting the item in carefully, the pocket dimension between his portals, a place only he could ever access.
And now. We'll wait and see if I ever have to use it.
He'd put in the first step of the deal, now it was time to see if he'd go through with the rest of it.
And that would be determined by his family.
