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Day Fourteen
Lover's Quarrel
Every fiber of Shepard's being filled with panic as she watched the Cerberus robot slam Kaidan's head against the side of the crashed shuttle, twice. Each loud thud made her heart feel like bursting.
The Illusive Man had finally done it; he'd follow through on his silent threat against the one person she'd do anything to save.
She'd tried so hard to avoid this outcome. She'd kept her distance from Kaidan as much as possible after finding his picture on her desk when she'd entered her cabin on the new Normandy. She knew the Illusive Man well enough from the start to know that the picture hadn't been a gesture of generosity.
Cerberus had shown her that they knew about her relationship with Kaidan. They knew they could use this silent threat to force her cooperation. They'd learned everything about her life while she'd laid unconscious on the Lazarus Station for two years, and discovered the simplest way to manipulate her.
Kaidan's body dropped lifelessly to the ground as the Cerberus robot turned to face Shepard. The panic suddenly dissipated, and was instantly replaced with a blinding rage. She aimed her pistol at the robot as it began charging toward her.
"Big mistake," Shepard whispered as the shots rang out around them with each press of the trigger. She shot until the damned robot dropped as lifelessly as Kaidan had and the thermal clip of her gun burned red hot.
She glared at the thing that had just attacked Kaidan, making sure it wasn't about to move again. Her eyes darted toward the unmoving body beside the shuttle and felt the fear grip her heart again.
Suddenly, everything they'd argued about since landing on this planet seemed… pointless. All of the things they'd said to one another were inconsequential.
All that mattered now was keeping him alive.
"Shepard, I need a straight answer," Kaidan demanded as he stalked forward, holstering his gun as he approached her. He met her captivating gaze through the glass of their helmets, and seemed to forget that he was supposed to be angry with her. But as she furrowed her brow, stubborn woman that she was, he was instantly reminded of his doubts and the lingering questions he couldn't contain as the situation became more dire with every new discovery.
"Kaidan…" His name was little more than a frustrated sigh as she brought her hand up to her head. She would've pinched the bridge of her nose if her helmet hadn't been in the way. Her level of irritation had only built up since they'd left the shuttle and he'd begun questioning her, as if they hadn't already had this discussion.
They were supposed to be past this by now.
"Don't Kaidan me, Shepard. This is business," he responded in a harsh tone, pointing his finger at her. She could feel the anger roiling off of him as his biotic aura clashed against her own. This situation was getting more dangerous with every passing second.
She managed to contain the flinch that came naturally when he addressed her so formally after everything they'd been through, narrowing her eyes in response before swatting his hand away from her face.
"I swear to God, Kaidan Alenko, if you're about to accuse me of working with Cerberus again," she warned, keeping the threat open-ended as she focused on the console in front of her. She slammed her hand against the button which would begin the elevator's ascent into the Alliance facility above them. The hiss of air sounded as the room began to pressurize around them, and they both fell into a disgruntled silence as the elevator began to move.
James kept his distance from the pair of them, his body language suggesting that he was uncomfortable with being present for such an intimate argument. It was obvious this wasn't just a soldier arguing with his former CO. This was a lover's quarrel.
Kaidan's heart thundered in his chest as he watched Shepard turn away from him. This wasn't going the way he'd intended. He'd started the conversation too aggressively. He should've known she'd snap back at him.
His intention had never been to upset her. He just needed her to reassure him that the Illusive Man wasn't somehow controlling her. He'd spoken to the woman who had rebuilt her, after all. He'd seen the documentation regarding her reconstruction during the Lazarus Project, but he'd also seen too many of Cerberus' sleeper agents to just let the issue rest.
There was too much at stake.
The vents above them fell silent, indicating the room around them was now fully pressurized. Shepard snapped her helmet off in quick, angry motions and turned her attention back to Kaidan as he also removed his helmet.
He walked closer to her, holding her gaze as he approached. He had to turn this conversation around. He had to fix this, somehow.
"Listen, Nat, I'm sorry. It's— Not you I don't trust. It's Cerberus," he explained lamely, his voice softening as he took another step closer to her.
She kept her expression guarded as he now stood an arm's length away from her. It killed him that he couldn't just reach for her, that he had to maintain the distance between them for the sake of professionalism.
"I was with you all those years ago, when we went on those missions because of Kahoku. I saw with my own eyes the shit that they did back then, and it only got worse. When you were—" He paused to take a deep breath. He always hated talking about the time he'd had to live without her. "When you were gone, I fought against them. Tried tracking down every Cerberus lead I could find. And, Nat, the things I saw…"
His voice trailed off as a wave of memories crashed over him. Images of the most nightmarish experiments one could imagine brought to life as the experiments of misled Cerberus scientists. His quest for answers had opened his eyes to the desperate truth of the organization; they would do whatever it took to give Humanity an advantage over the rest of the species in the galaxy.
"Fine, let's say it is Cerberus you don't trust. Why do you keep interrogating me about it? If you do trust me, why can't you just let it be?" she inquired, crossing her arms against her chest as she leveled her gaze at him.
"They're notorious for using sleeper agents. They may have brought you back to life, Nat, and I can't explain how grateful I am for that… But they could've added some type of, I don't know, programming? Something they could activate at just the right moment to make you betray the Alliance for them," Kaidan admitted in a defeated tone.
He ran his hand down his face, exhausted and frustrated.
"So, basically, you have no proof. You're just theorizing," she stated calmly. Though he could sense the edge of anger in her tone.
"You don't have proof either," he countered, his face hardening stubbornly in response.
"You know what, Kaidan? I'm done having this conversation with you. Either you believe me, or you don't. Which is it? Decide."
Her voice was harsher than he'd ever heard it before, and Kaidan didn't bother to hide his flinch at her tenacity. He had never considered it that way. He just knew that he needed to know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, if it was really her or not.
"I don't know, Nat! I really don't know what I'm expecting from you here. I'm not sure what it'll take to settle this constant fear that at any second you're going to turn on us and I'm going to have to fight you. Because that'd be right up Cerberus' alley, wouldn't it? They know I couldn't kill you. So you'd get away with whatever sabotage they had planned," he answered, just as harshly, though not as loudly as her.
Shepard didn't move or change her facial expression at his words. She just stared at him for a long minute. He felt a rush of nerves grip him as he stood under her gaze and shifted uncomfortably in the silence.
"But… I do know that I trust you. I just wish you'd try to understand where I'm coming from here." He hung his head and ran his hand up and down the back of his neck.
He jumped as he felt the tingle of Shepard's biotics against the hand that remained at his side, aware of her even through the layers of their gloves.
He shifted his gaze from his feet to the slightly smaller hand now gripping his. His heart clenched at the sight of it. He looked into her bright blue eyes, feeling the love that lingered for her pulling at his heart.
"I can understand being cautious with Cerberus. I know firsthand what they're like. I know what the Illusive man is like. I'm not sure how I can convince you to trust me here, but I'll do what I can, okay? Let's just get through this mission first. A lot of people are counting on us to get this done." Kaidan stared at her, searching her eyes for a sign of the certainty he felt in her words. He could sense her desperation for his cooperation.
"I promise we can have as many discussions as you want, about anything that still bothers you about Lazarus. But I can't do this without you, Kaidan. I won't."
He hesitated, and he knew she noted it in the way he looked at her. But he finally nodded his head and watched the relief wash over her face as she let go of his hand.
The ceiling above them began to open, letting in more light as they stood together on the platform. James still lingered a few feet away, his eyes wide with amazement at what he'd just witnessed. The rumors about the SR-1 had been true all along, despite Shepard's many denials.
"And Vega?" Shepard said as she turned her attention toward the lieutenant.
"Ma'am?" he replied, standing up straighter as his superior officer addressed him.
"You breathe a word of what you just heard to anyone and you'll regret it. Understood?" She gave him a pointed look as the platform leveled with the floor of the room.
"Absolutely, ma'am. Not a word to anyone, I swear."
With her heart in her throat, she holstered her weapon and rushed toward Kaidan. She ordered James to grab the robot, in case they were able to get any information on Cerberus from it.
When she reached Kaidan, she quickly peeked through the glass of his helmet. He was unconscious, and there were bruises forming around his eyes.
Not a good sign.
Shepard got him into position and hoisted him into a fireman's carry, the same thing she'd done back on Virmire after he'd been injured by a Geth while defending the bomb that destroyed Saren's facility.
She hurried toward the Normandy as Jeff yelled his warnings of Reapers entering the planet's atmosphere. She could see dozens of them descending toward the ground, surrounding them as they rushed to escape.
Liara and James led the way onto the ship. Shepard turned to watch the door of the shuttle bay close for the second time that day, as the Sol System lost another of its planets to the Reapers.