Chapter Text
March 3rd, 2009
Leeroy sat as his computer in the pitch blackness of his room, laser-focused on the screen in front of him as he carried his team in Modern Warfare, a two year old Call of Duty installment that they were only playing to prepare themselves for the second title releasing in just a few months. His friends sucked at the game, but Leeroy didn’t mind being engrossed into the game for a couple of hours a night on a Skype call anyway. At least it wasn’t school.
“God, Leeroy, do you ever even leave your computer?!” A voice muttered from his headphones with less than satisfactory mic quality. “You’re such a fuckin’ tryhard.”
“Or maybe you’re just a noob.” Leeroy laughed slightly before focusing once more, eyes darting across the screen.
“DUDEE!! WE FUCKIN’ DID IT!!” A different voice with a worse mic cheered, causing the previous one to chime in.
“Wanna play another round?” The better miced friend questioned, clicking and typing coming from his end.
“DUH-” Leeroy began before hearing his door barge open, causing him to immediately open Skype and mute his mic as the team entered a new lobby.
“Who the hell are you talking to?” Leeroy’s mother questioned sternly, her face impossible to see in the darkness of his room.
“Just Justin and Scott?” Leeroy stated in annoyance, as if she should’ve known the answer before asking the question.
“Leeroy.” She began, stern once more. “Don’t end up like your fuck up of a father.”
Before he could question what she meant, his mother shut the door so hard that his monitor shook, he swatted his hand at the door before turning around to face his computer again.
“What was that all about?” Justin, with the better mic, questioned with struggle in his voice as the game started.
“Nothin’. My mom’s just being- my mom.” Leeroy laughed nervously before focusing once again.
“I don’t know, your mom’s pretty cool, dude.” Scott, with the worse mic, mumbled slightly.
“DUDE EW DO YOU LIKE LEEROY’S MOM?!” Justin yelled, causing Leeroy to laugh and finally get killed.
“Leeroy, did you die?!” Scott questioned, causing the whole group to talk over each other.
Another hour of this went on, Leeroy going back to his usual ungodly kill, death ratio. The group decided to go on for one last round once they came back from a quick break. Leeroy’s break plan consisted of getting a Mountain Dew, meaning he’d likely have to talk with his mom. He took a deep breath before getting out of his chair and slowly making his way to his door, opening it slowly before he walked out. He left his door open slightly as he walked towards his kitchen, which was downstairs, stairs that he carefully went down. He made a right, staying close to the wall and hoping to maybe evade his mother, who seemed indulged in a book. Though, before he could get too far, the book immediately slammed down.
“What are you doing?” She questioned, not facing him as he stayed where he was.
“Getting a soda?” Leeroy stated in annoyed confusion, contemplating before continuing forward, past the dining table to the kitchen. He looked to the clock on the stove to see the time was only about 11 PM, making it rare to not have his sleepless father in sight. “Is dad in bed already?”
“No.” His mother stated tensely, the book now shoved in her face again, making it so he couldn’t see her face despite the half-wall being the only thing separating them.
“Then where is he?” Leeroy questioned after a short silence, grabbing onto the orange World of Warcraft promoted drink and holding it tight.
“Don’t know. Probably out being a fuckin’ deadbeat somewhere.”
“What are you-”
“Go to bed, Leeroy.” His mother commanded, causing him to look around a bit, realizing she might really be serious.
He left the room hesitantly, running up the stairs like something was chasing him. He went back to his computer, feeling a bit sick before chugging the soda he risked his life for. He didn’t mention anything to his friends, going along with the last game as though nothing had happened. Once everyone finally logged off, Leeroy glanced out his window, the car gone like he would’ve anticipated. He took a deep breath before turning around and going to bed, not even getting ready to do so.
The next morning, he woke up to his alarm blaring beside him in a bit of a daze. He looked around a bit before punching the top of the clock yelling at him and immediately looked back up at the ceiling. He glanced at his closet and winced, getting a gut feeling that told him today was going to be awful. He finally stood from his bed, going to his closet and trading his The Used band tee for an Aqua Teen Hunger Force shirt, keeping on the black skinny jeans he slept in. He glanced at the clock before rolling his eyes and grabbing his black Jansport bag, running downstairs and outside the door, completely evading his mother as she remained asleep.
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In homeroom that morning, Leeroy couldn’t focus on much other than the desk in front of him. He kept his head held in his hands, not paying attention to the usual spitwads or slurs in reference to his mixed race. Though before too long, after getting a stapler thrown at him that barely misses, he got up abruptly, pushing the desk away from himself as he left. He ran to the nearest bathroom without much thought, choking and hyperventilating as soon as he reached the first sink he saw, trying to focus on the water pouring out of it in front of him. He had a harsh grip on the sink, taking deep breaths as he tried to prevent the feeling of throwing up forming in his stomach. Just as he began to calm down, Justin left his stall, raising an eyebrow as he washed his hands at the sink beside Leeroy. He took a glance or two, realizing how pale he looked.
“Hey you’re uh, your Hispanic is fading.” Justin chuckled as he shook the water off his hands.
Leeroy didn’t even notice, still looking down at the sink with wide eyes, causing Justin to say something else he couldn’t quite make out, before finally having more of a clutch on the world around him.
“Wh- what?” Leeroy blinked harshly, finally snapping his attention to his friend.
“Dude, I was talking to you for like- a whole minute.” Justin stated, noticing how he barely reacted. “Were you- crying?” He snickered a bit, causing Leeroy to tense up.
“No, I wasn’t fucking- I wasn’t crying, okay- I’m not five.”
“I mean like- it’s okay if you were, man I’ve just- I’ve never seen you do it before-”
“I’m going back to class.” Leeroy stated sternly, rolling his eyes at Justin’s words.
“Hey, wait-” Justin began as he followed closely behind a fleeing Leroy, “Scott and I were gonna play more Modern Warfare at my house after school if you wanna come. My brother might have weed or somethin’.”
“I can’t today.” Leeroy stated without much context, entering his classroom to separate himself from Justin.
The whole school day passed like this, Leeroy blocking out the world while everyone else belittled him without his care. Even when the final bell rang, it took a teacher to tap his desk to get him to finally notice. He walked home the same way, too out of it to notice his surroundings, but just aware enough to be panicked by what felt like nothing. People’s parents walk out on them all the time. It shouldn’t be a big deal to someone like him. Once he got back home, his feelings heightened as he walked in on his mother on a cleaning spree with a house that was already spotless.
“Leeroy Mateo!” She barked, vacuuming as she looked around sporadically. “Clean up your fuckin’ room! It’s a mess in there!”
“What are you talking about- there’s like- one soda bottle in there-”
“Did you just talk back to me?!”
Leeroy thought for a moment before audibly groaning, grabbing a trashbag to make it seem as though he was doing more than he really was before throwing away the bottle and immediately turning on his computer, but before too long-
“LEEROY!”
“Jesus fucking Christ..” He muttered under his breath as he held his hands together and looked up before going back out to the living room.
After about ten more different requests and demands that led to nothing, he stated that he was going to “deep clean” his room before sneaking out of his window and hurrying to Justin’s house.
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As Leeroy showed up at Justin’s house, he quickly knocked on the door, whistling as he bounced back and forth on his feet. Once the door finally opened, Scott was the one to do it, though it took Leeroy a moment to register, considering the two looked like they could be brothers. They both had the same blonde shaggy hair, blue eyes, and pale skin. The only thing differing between the two being their voices made it a bit difficult to tell who was who upon first glance.
“Oh. I thought you weren’t coming?” Scott stated hesitantly before Leeroy walked past him, taking his shoes off as he walked through the house, though no one else did the same.
“I changed my mind!” Leeroy stated with a smile, putting his arms up as if he were planning on partying.
“Oh! Leeroy! How have you been?” A woman questioned from the kitchen with a warm smile before offering him a bag of Ni Hao, Kai-Lan fruit snacks.
“Fine, Mrs. White.” Leeroy answered politely before kindly taking the bag from her. “How about you? Did you see that- uh- shrink or whatever?”
“Oh, don’t worry about me, Leeroy.” Mrs. White responded with her usual smile. “Justin is in his room!”
Leeroy shrugged before walking down the hallway to Justin’s room, knowing his house like the back of his hand. Scott followed closely behind him, almost hovering. Once he stepped inside, Justin had a better reaction upon seeing him.
“OUHH SHIITT!” Justin exclaimed before getting up from sitting in front of his television, fist bumping Leeroy. “You changed your mind on coming? Unusual shit, that right there.”
“Yeah I just- I was just tired earlier.” Leeroy snickered a bit before sitting on Justin’s unmade bed.
“Yeah, I’d be tired if people thought I made out with men too.” Scott uttered, causing a bit of silence in the room for a short period.
“I- what?” Leeroy laughed nervously, glancing at Justin, who now seemed annoyed.
“Dude, what the fuck that’s not-”
“Leeroy, do you suck dick for fun?”
Leeroy went quiet, glancing around the room as he processed Scott’s words. Neither of these two were usually very hostile to him for no reason, causing him to be a bit caught off guard while he tried to think.
“No? No! Where is this-”
“Well everyone at school thinks you do!” Scott continued, taking a step closer as Justin rolled his eyes beside the two.
“Dude, come on-”
“Yeah, well I’m not gay and you guys know that. So why the fuck should it matter what everyone else at school thinks? We only have a few years of this bullshit anyway.” Leeroy defended, looking at both Justin and Scott.
“Guys, come on can we just play Modern Warfare-”
“Leeroy, it matters because it makes us look like faggots.” Scott sternly growled, getting up in Leeroy’s face as he remained seated on the bed.
“Scott!” Justin finally yelled, pushing Scott weakly just to get his attention focused on himself. “Modern Warfare?”
Leroy and Scott looked at each other for a moment before Leroy looked down at the carpet beneath him, waving his hand down before standing up.
“Psh, whatever. I’m going home.” He stated in annoyance and hurt, leaving the room before the other two could say anything.
“You’re leaving already, hon?” Mrs. White questioned sweetly as she crocheted on the living room floor.
“I- um- yeah, my mom just called.”
“Stay safe then, sweetheart. We’ll see you soon, okay?”
Leeroy nodded before putting his shoes back on and leaving the house. On the walk home, Leeroy had the sickly feeling again, finding it hard to breathe as he held himself, telling himself that he didn’t need Scott, his parents, or anyone else telling him how to present himself. He took a deep breath before looking around, noticing the streetlights were already on. He speed-walked his way back home, ignoring people who gave him strange looks or he felt to be staring at him. Once he finally got to his yard, he sneaked to the side to enter back through his window, shaking slightly as he landed neatly on his bedroom floor. He took his shoes off once more, placing them next to his desk and quickly changing into Guitar Hero pajama pants and a Halo top to make himself seem more like he really was in his room all day.
He was planning on just going on his computer and playing Wolfenstein, but as soon as he was about to sit down, he heard faint crying coming from the room beside him. He contemplated ignoring it, but eventually sighed before leaving his room cautiously, going to knock on the door to his right, which was his mothers bedroom.
“Uh- Mom?” Leeroy questioned from the outside, playing with his hands slightly. “Are you- is everything okay?”
After a lack of response, Leroy held his breath before opening the door gently, letting out a sigh of relief as he just saw her crying on her bed, her face buried in her hands and hidden by her long black hair.
“Mom?”
“Oh, Leeroy!” She began, continuing to weep, “No one will ever love me!”
Leeroy thought for a moment before leaving, grabbing a piece of paper from his room, and coming back to his mother, this time fully entering her room and handing it to her. It was a doodle he made of just him and his mom when he was little, scribbled in various crayon colors. She looked at it for a moment before gripping onto it, causing it to crinkle in her grasp.
“What is this supposed to do for me?” She began, her voice filled with agitation.
Leeroy stood still and tense for a moment, holding his left arm with his right hand before looking down, disappointed by the reaction received.
“I- I don’t know. I tried, I guess.” He stated before beginning to leave the room, causing his mother to throw a shoe at the wall beside him, causing panic to coarse through him.
“Why can’t you just fucking say you love me?!”
“I-”
“NO! Get out! I’ll just fucking kill myself and do the whole world a favor!” She cried before getting up and pushing her son out of the room, locking the door behind him.
“Whatever.” Leeroy rolled his eyes as he mumbled, walking back to his own bedroom.
As he finally sat at his computer, Leeroy finally got the disc for Quake from a drawer beside him, almost taking it out of the case before seeing a notification on Skype from Justin. It seemed like a half-assed apology, but considering he didn’t really do anything to Leeroy, he gave it a chance. He placed Quake on his desk before opening Skype and skimming through the message, but he knew it likely wasn’t worth reading, instead typing out his own excuse.
“my dad left the other day”
“?”
This was immediately followed by a call that lasted for about an hour and a half, Leeroy spilling out all his problems as Justin listened. He didn’t tell him everything, but he talked about his fathers absence, how it made him feel at fault, how his mom was going through it, how it made him feel like less of a man, all he felt necessary to spill in the moment. Justin didn’t offer any actual advice, but he did make conversation of it and tell him he’d talk to Scott about earlier in the day, which made Leeroy feel a bit relieved as he left the call and got ready for bed.
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School the next day wasn’t too terrible, considering Leeroy was now back to snapping at people for touching him and spitting on him, his classmates went back to doing it a lot less. He wasn’t as anxious or ‘out of it’, finding it easier to ground himself. Going to lunch with his friends was something he finally looked forward to again. They all sat down and joked as they usually would, though Scott was still on edge, something Leroy tried not to mind. After a bit, they got on the topic of video games.
“I mean, I don’t know. I think Sega and Nintendo games are kind of for kids.” Scott stated in annoyance as he played with his food and kept his head down.
“You don’t like- even Sonic the Hedgehog or anything?” Justin furrowed his eyebrow, a bit confused, yet irritated with his best friend's behavior.
“No? Dude, we’re not in middle school anymore.”
“I mean- yeah, but we were like- last week. It’s okay to like Yoshi.” Leeroy stated as he threw a grape into his mouth.
“Dude, shut the fuck up, this is why your dad left you.”
Leeroy choked on his grape before looking around, everyone at the table now looking at him strangely and whispering. Even Justin just kept his mouth shut, looking down at his hands in his lap.
“Are you serious?” Leeroy laughed sarcastically before slamming his hands to the table and standing up abruptly. “Genuinely, fuck you guys.”
Once he got home later that day, Leeroy ran to his room without much of a word, going to his computer and blocking both Justin and Scott on Skype and Steam. He noticed that Justin tried to make another apology, but he didn’t care, following through with his decision. He pushed himself from his desk before looking down at his hands, realizing he was shaking before gripping them and holding them into fists. Mocks from his father raced through his head, “Be a fucking man”, “Stop crying all the goddamned time”, “You’ve always been such a girl”. The thoughts made him feel worse, the sickly feeling seeming as though it was really about to come up this time. He ran out of his room and into the kitchen, quickly scrambling to get a cup of water, chugging it and leaning against the counter as he took a deep breath.
“What the hell’s the matter with you?” His mother questioned from the couch, watching television.
Leeroy peered around the pillar that the half-wall attached to, taking another breath before muttering.
“Um- Justin and- Justin and Scott-” He thought for a minute before clutching his fists once more, realizing she was barely listening, and if she was, she would just belittle him like she usually would.
“Sticks and stones, Leeroy.” She stated, not paying much attention as her eyes fixated on the television.
“...Yep..”