Work Text:
Techno, for the record, did not sign up for this.
Joining the Guard had been a necessity - he may abhor the monarchy, but he quite liked not starving to death, and as it turned out he was very good at fighting things. In an ideal world, he would've bought a tiny farm out in the middle of nowhere and died old, happy and surrounded by potatoes, but unfortunately since he lived in the real world, there were some steps to take first.
After five years in the Guard, you had the choice to either be promoted or to retire with a nice chunk of cash to stimulate the economy and go make your own family. This was actually a pretty decent system, since it meant that most men got experience with discipline, had a chance to mature before they started adding to the population, and whatever delusions they had about the grandeur of war were rapidly quashed by a few brutal training sessions.
Techno had counted down the days until his enlistment was over, and he could go fulfil his destiny as a farmer. He'd been a month out, when he'd been conscripted to the Castle Guard.
An entirely new set of rules, an entirely new time frame - and most importantly, no choice in the matter. He'd chosen to join the Guard, had chosen not to move up in the ranks, knowing that the higher you got before your time was up, the more pressure there was to stay. He didn't choose to join the Castle Guard. He didn't choose to get promoted, over and over as he accidentally proved his worth. He didn't sign up to be babysit the Crown Prince.
But here he found himself, trailing through the city after a ridiculously spritely teenager, trying to keep sight of that thatch of blonde hair through the crowd.
Phil was… decent, for royalty. Techno supposed he couldn't help his privilege, and he at least seemed aware of it. He was shaping up to be a good king, he could admit to himself in the middle of the night when no one was around to potentially read his mind. Look, it paid to be paranoid around here alright? Since Phil's father had lifted the ban on magic, there were a decent number of warlocks wandering the streets.
He supposed they'd been there before, it wasn't technically a new thing, but still.
"Will you try to listen?" Techno groaned as he cut Phil off from darting into yet another shop without the required initial sweep, "If you get kidnapped you're not the one whose gonna get executed dude."
"My father hasn't executed anyone in years," Phil brushed off, "It's fine Techno! Everyone loves me!"
"You're currently in disguise," Techno pointed out, nodding towards the amulet strung carefully round Phil's neck. He had a similar one, given that the Captain of the Castle Guard was almost as recognisable a figure as the King, found most often hovering in swords reach whenever there was a public appearance. It wasn't that Techno supported the monarchy or anything, but Phil wasn't old enough to ascend yet and the King's brother was exactly the sort of guy who'd revoke every good law that had ever been passed just to be spiteful. Techno was very glad his involvement in politics amounted to 'stab the guys I get told to'. It sounded exhausting.
The glamours were simple - anyone looking on would see two nondescript people, perhaps they'd vaguely be able to describe the colour of their hair, the fine fabric of their cloaks, but no one would recognise them, while the linked spells meant that they could still see each other. Ingenious, and also paranoia inducing. Aforementioned mind-reading warlocks and all.
"People love me for more than my status, Techno." Phil said, with the confidence of someone who had never imagined not being loved. "I'm great."
"You're a menace," Techno corrected, forcefully pushing Phil behind him so he could step inside the shop and begin the cursory sweep, "The glamours are good but they're not perfect. Someone could still see through and decide to grab you, and then your father will probably bring back the death penalty specifically for me."
"You worry too much, Tech." Phil grumbled, walking in behind him and immediately sticking his hands into a vat of unidentified crystals. Thoughts of cursed stones and hidden glass shards raced through his mind, and Techno fought the urge to grab Phil, throw him over his shoulder, and go home. Why did the universe spite him so? he lamented, dogging every step the teen took and ignoring the irritated glances. Phil would be glad for his overbearing-ness when Techno stopped his first assassination attempt.
Or maybe he should let someone else do that. It had been how he got this job, after all - he'd end up the Hand to the King at this rate.
"I worry a very reasonable amount given that you're insane," Techno muttered, and Phil very elegantly ignored him.
When Phil didn't find whatever he'd been looking for (Techno had no clue what he was looking for, since the Crown Prince had helpfully refused to tell him anything useful), he sighed and backed out the shop again.
Techno followed once more, fighting the urge to yawn. He'd been up early, mostly since Phil had managed to smuggle another crow into his room and the poor maid had screamed loud enough to wake up half the royal quarters. When they got back, he was going to trade off duty and nap.
"This one next," Phil said, seemingly pointing at one at random.
Techno was too relieved he actually told him where they were going next instead of bolting at top speed inside to question it, letting Phil stand behind while he went inside to check. It was entirely empty, and he nodded, pleased, and turned to go grab him.
Turned again, in case Phil had somehow darted past him.
Stepped outside with a sinking feeling in his stomach, and the horrible certainty that the Kingdom was about to see its first hanging in decades.
He was going to strangle Phil-
No, he couldn't freak out. The likelihood of being kidnapped while glamour-ed was statistically low, no matter his own paranoia - Phil had probably just gone into another shop.
Techno began his search methodically, giving each shop in the vicinity a sweep over, looking for a flash of blonde hair, a glimpse of the fine green of the Prince's cloak, a familiar gait making its escape at top speed. There was no sign of commotion, so it was unlikely someone had just scooped the teen up and done a run. People were good at ignoring things, but even that was a little obvious.
Which meant that the escape had been deliberate.
This unfortunately very much did not eliminate the likelihood of Phil being kidnapped. Stupid or not, Techno's regulations existed for a reason, and they reduced the chance of Phil going missing by… whatever the court mathematicians had calculated. He liked maths but those guys were scary. Better than the court magicians at least (see aforementioned mind-reading warlocks).
Phil under careful guard held a chance of everything going wrong. Phil on the loose was an entirely different ballpark.
He'd give himself an hour, Techno promised. A chance to to find and return the Prince in a manner that didn't end up with Techno's head somewhere other than his neck. If he raised the alarm right away it would alert any potential kidnappers that there was in fact a chance to get their hands on him anyway, or provide a distraction for them to make it out of city limits. It was for the best, Techno tried to convince himself. And if it wasn't then either way he wouldn't live to see the long term consequences of managing to lose an entire member of the royal family.
His first stop was Phil's usual haunts - his favourite shops, the florists by the greenhouses, the cafes with the best pastries. Techno thought potatoes were far superior to any baked good, but he had to admit some of them were half decent. And some even had potatoes in them, which was always productive in gaining his favour.
Nothing caught his eye, and it wasn't like he could just ask - the shopkeepers might recognise their regular, but they knew him as Phillip, son of a noble courtier and not as Phil, the Crown Prince.
Next was… yeah he didn't have a next stop. Once he ascertained that Phil wasn't anywhere he expected him to be, Techno's plan of action mostly revolved around 'find someone who can find him'.
Which meant he had to go see Niki.
He wanted to clarify he didn't have anything against Niki - she was fantastic, incredibly smart, not to mention powerful, and he was appropriately respectful and scared of her in turn. The problem was that Niki was a warlock, who ran a magic shop, which tended to collect (see aforementioned mind-reading warlocks). Techno liked his mind not being poked.
Her shop was near the outskirts of the shopping district, where it had been since… well, no one could quite remember when she'd set up shop, but they all assumed it was after the magic ban lifted. No one was also quite sure how old she was, but in the same vein they assumed that she'd just taken over from her mother at some point, and they just happened to look similar.
Techno knew better, but he also knew enough not to mention it. On the off chance she turned out to actually be a minor goddess or something, he figured it would count in his favour. He didn't really want to have (the aforementioned mind-reading warlocks) sent after him.
"Niki?" he called out, the bell chiming as he entered.
Instead of the expected cheerful face popping up behind the counter, Techno was greeted by a bored looking teen picking his nails.
"She's out, what can I help you with?"
Techno squinted, "Who are you?"
The teen looked up, sizing Techno up as he did so. He shrugged, seemingly unimpressed with what he found. "I'm Tommy. Niki's apprentice."
"I didn't realise she'd taken on an apprentice."
"It's a new thing. I sort of accidentally on purpose set some stuff on fire and now she's making me 'learn how to control my power'." Tommy looked even less impressed by this, "What do you want? I'm supposed to help customers."
"How long until she's back?"
Tommy shrugged again. Techno was getting the strangest urge to turn him upside and shake, to see if any spare brain cells were dislodged.
"Like an hour? Two? Three? Four? Fi-"
"Yes, yes I can count too," Techno cut in, groaning, "Okay uhh can you do a location spell?"
"Sure!" Tommy finally seemed to perk up, "I'm allowed to do magic if it's for customers. Who do you want to find? Got-"
"Yeah I have a personal item. This isn't my first rodeo, kid." Techno grumbled, stepping forward. "I'm looking for the Crown Prince, Philza Craft." The small bag he tugged from his pocket caught the light, sparking off the single gold curl held inside.
Tommy's eyebrow flicked upwards, "Where did you get a strand of the Crown Prince's hair?"
"Off his head."
Tommy stared at him. Techno stared back.
He relented first, adding, "I'm Captain of the Castle Guard. He's run off and I need to find him. Can I get that location spell now?"
Tommy snickered. The urge to shake was now combined with the urge to do it over the edge of the Wall.
"You lost the Crown Prince? Oh man you're fucked! I'll get that spell for you, one sec-"
"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up," Techno grumbled as he bounded into the backroom with the strand of hair, "I was meant to retire. I should've been a farmer by now. Potatoes would never do this to me."
Hopefully Tommy was a decent warlock - he didn't think Niki would leave the shop to someone who wasn't. Hopefully he wasn't setting a fire back there. He didn't carry around two bags of the Crown Prince's hair. How ridiculous would that be?
When Tommy came back, thankfully he seemed to be holding a fairly good approximation of a location spell, however. It wasn't one of the advanced ones Niki usually made, but he did seem quite young. It would do.
"That'll be two gold coins," Tommy said, setting the little bowl carefully onto the counter.
Techno raised an eyebrow, "Niki charges a gold and two silvers for way better spells than this, man."
"Excuse you! This is top quality spell work! I-"
"I'll give you five silvers, and one extra as a tip."
Tommy pursed his lips, despite the very generous offer. Techno called his bluff, and started to put the pouch back into his pocket, shrugging.
"Wait!" he said, "Five silvers and two for a tip."
"Four, and two for a tip." Techno countered, which was unfair to Niki but also kinda funny since he wasn't entirely sure Tommy could do math, given the way his face brightened.
"You've got a deal, big man! Good luck on not getting horribly executed for losing the only Crown Prince!"
Techno didn't dignify that with a response.
The charm seemed simple - Niki's would plot out an exact path for him to follow, but this seemed a basic compass point and follow. Techno kept half an eye on the crowd as he moved, heading oddly further away from the bustle of the shopping district and into the residential areas. He followed it for maybe five minutes, before it turned.
Not turned as in a little bit, but did an entire U-turn, flipping itself around. Techno's eyebrows crumpled, and his stomach twisted. Had the spell failed? Did Tommy give him a dud?
Either way, the shop was in the direction the needle pointed, so he might as well follow it on his way back to shake that warlock to his core.
As it turned out, he'd never get the chance.
The needle pointed directly towards the shop, and when Techno burst in, intent on questioning why Tommy had wasted his time at all, he came face to face with-
"Phil?"
"Oh hey Techno!" the Crown Prince said breezily, like he hadn't just given Techno the worst forty minutes of his life, "How did you find me?"
Techno's jaw was too busy acquainting itself with the floor to answer.
His gaze flicked between the three - Phil, with a small bag clutched to his chest, Tommy, perched on the countertop looking bored again, and Niki setting gold coins into the till.
She looked up, smiling. "Oh good afternoon Techno! Are you alright? You don't look well-"
"I- where were you?" Techno demanded, "I was worried sick, Phil!"
"I was with Niki! I was looking for this specific herb, and she knew a spot a few miles out from the city where it grows! She teleported me there and we just got back. Is that a locator spell?"
"Yes! Because you disappeared!"
"Because you were making it take twice as long as it needed to!"
If Techno didn't get ahold of his temper, he was going to shake Phil. Instead, he turned his fury on the one least likely to end his life horribly.
"Did you know?"
Tommy shrugged, "Yeah, why?"
Was Techno going mad? Had the aforementioned mind-reading warlocks gotten to him, stirred his brain like a soup until logic no long existed? Why was he the only one taking this seriously?
"Because you're the only one who actually loses in this scenario."
Techno stared at Niki. Niki smiled back. The voice echoing in his head winked at him. He wasn't sure how that worked, but it was all going in the box marked 'deal with once you're retired'. At this rate, he'd retire and the stress would instantly end him.
Belatedly, Techno realised he'd actually been asked a question, "Because you could've told me? You knew he was safe the whole time and you let me buy that spell anyway!"
"I'm running a business here!" Tommy protested, "The customer's always right!"
Killing civilians is illegal if you're the Captain of the Castle Guard, Techno reminded himself, doing what the court therapist advised and taking deep breaths. Just because Tommy was the most annoying guy he'd ever met didn't mean he deserved to die. Probably. Mostly.
"Phil, we're leaving." he said, in as calm a manner as he could manage.
The blonde's eyebrows scrunched, and an almost whining tone came into his voice, "But Techno, I'm not done- ARGH-"
Techno had precisely zero pity in his heart as he bent down, tossed Phil over his shoulder in a smooth motion, and turned for the door.
"Thanks for keeping an eye on him, Niki." he said, stepping through and into the street.
"You're welcome!" rang out after him, cheerier than it had any right to be.
On his shoulder, Phil kicked furiously, trying to squirm free from his grip to no avail.
"Put me down!" he yelped, "I'm the Crown Prince!"
"You're an anonymous noble whose being taken home by his guard," Techno corrected, adjusting his grip so Phil wouldn't slip down and break his neck or something, "Now stop struggling before someone calls the Guard on me."
Phil did not, in fact, stop struggling.
Potatoes would never do this to him.